Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language

Throughout 2019, British politics was in flux, with old certainties getting shat through a bin bag.

At the start of 2019, there was this sort of Theresa May woman,

who'd been Prime Minister by mistake for almost three years.

Some people thought Theresa May looked awkward in her own skin,

but I'm not convinced it was her own skin.

She had this sort of habit of going...

..with her mouth, like a fish that had just got hooked

on a political problem.

Even when she was smiling, you could see her face started thinking,

"I'm not sure about this," and then she'd start...

Like, all over the shop.

Anyway, her biggest problem was, she'd set herself the job of

delivering some sort of Brexit deal,

but no-one could agree on what that was.

In fact, the only thing anyone did agree on

was that she was making the disagreements worse.

CHANTING: What do we want? Brexit!

When do we want it? Now!

Let's get out.

Let's have Brexit!

Leavers kept saying Brexit was the will of the people.

What I believe we must do is deliver on the will of the people.

And the 48% who had voted Remain weren't happy about that,

because they were people too.

But in a referendum, the side that wins gets to decide

which way everyone else had really wanted to vote in the first place,

and then add that to their score.

So once you factor that in, the result goes from 52% to 100% Leave,

which is why it's the will of the people.

And you can't argue with that.

Or even secretly disagree with it,

because it's your own will.

Anyway, the MPs kept trying to do Brexit again, and again,

and they couldn't quite shunt it through the voting hole,

or whatever it is they use.

MPs have rejected Theresa May's withdrawal agreement

for a third time, throwing the UK's Brexit strategy

into further confusion.

While all this was going on,

Corbyn still didn't know how he felt about Brexit.

It was really difficult for him.

Even harder than trying to work out what anti-Semitism is.

So he decided to appeal to Leavers and Remainers by not saying anything

that might inspire either of them.

And when you're trying to unite opposing sides like that,

the last thing you need is a bunch of fucking centrists in your party,

getting in the way.

Some of his followers told them to fuck off and join the Tories.

So they did -

the obedient bastards.

Suddenly there was this group called Change "uck",

who altered the face of British politics for an entire afternoon.

By April, the whole thing was in total shitlock.

So we had to hold the European elections.

That's when Nigel Farage invented the Brexit Party.

It's one of those no-nonsense names that does what it says

on the tin - like that pile cream called AnuSol.

Although that comes in a tube, not a tin...

I expect.

When the votes were counted, the Tories hadn't done great,

so Theresa had to Article 50 the shit out of herself.

She said she was going to quit,

and did a bye-bye speech where her voice went a bit wobbly at the end.

To have had the opportunity... to serve the country I love.

I felt a bit sorry for her,

because it shows she really was capable of regular human emotions,

like self-pity and resentment.

Once Theresa May had gone, they had a race to be the new Prime Minister

among all these young hopefuls like Michael Glove,

and the first baby to be Home Secretary,

and this sort of teeth bloke, who looked like a cross

between Eddie Redmayne and the Child Catcher.

But the frontrunner was always Boris Johnson.

When you see him on the news with his hair and his face,

looking like an overstuffed scarecrow that's fallen in a trough

of pink-flavoured Angel Delight, you think,

"Hang on, I'm going to absolutely piss myself here."

Like a cartoon's just come on.

But instead of telling jokes,

he just sort of makes posh buffering noises.

I'm cautiously optimistic.

How-how-how-what... Is that a good enough, erm...

Anyway, Boris won, so he had to become Mayor of Britain for a bit.

The thing is, the elite establishment

still kept trying to stop Brexit,

but luckily now, there were these everyday, underdog,

honest men of the soil like Jacob Rees-Mogg ready to take them on.

Boris had this genius bloke working for him, Dominic Cumberbatch.

He used to work on the Leave campaign, and they made

a film about it where he was played by his brother, Sherlock.

It really brought home just how clever and bold he was.

Because he seemed so clever in the film,

everyone assumed he was clever in real life

and that everything he did was part of a clever strategy.

Even if he blew off into his hand and smelt it -

not that he did that, but if he had,

it would've been for a clever reason.

Anyway, Boris kept trying to make Brexit happen,

but he couldn't manage it either, even after he'd tricked the Queen

into turning Parliament off and on again.

So he gave this speech saying he didn't want an election...

I don't want an election. ..And that no-one wanted an election.

You don't want an election.

And then he asked for an election.

As if that was going to work!