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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,533 --> 00:00:02,658 PREVIOUSLY ON "8 SIMPLE RULES"... 2 00:00:02,658 --> 00:00:04,867 UH, YEAH, THIS IS MRS. HENNESSY. 3 00:00:10,825 --> 00:00:12,908 MOM? 4 00:00:14,283 --> 00:00:16,575 MY KEYS. WHERE ARE MY KEYS? 5 00:00:16,575 --> 00:00:17,158 MOM? 6 00:00:17,158 --> 00:00:19,742 OH, MY GOD. MOM. 7 00:00:19,742 --> 00:00:21,783 THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, MOM. 8 00:00:21,783 --> 00:00:23,825 NOT NOW. 9 00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:27,242 NOT NOW. NOT AT 46. 10 00:00:29,283 --> 00:00:31,450 WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BACK IN 10 MINUTES. 11 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:34,742 HE WAS RUNNING A STUPID ERRAND. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BACK. 12 00:00:34,742 --> 00:00:36,658 AND HE WAS TAKING US TO SCHOOL. 13 00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:43,158 I'LL TELL YOU, IT WAS A DAY I'LL NEVER FORGET -- 14 00:00:43,158 --> 00:00:45,325 JUST ME AND THE SPLENDID SPLINTER. 15 00:00:45,325 --> 00:00:47,575 I DROVE HIM AROUND THE ENTIRE BASE. 16 00:00:47,575 --> 00:00:49,200 WOW. 17 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,367 HAND ME THOSE PLIERS, SON. 18 00:00:53,158 --> 00:00:56,117 HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MITT THERE? 19 00:00:56,117 --> 00:00:57,950 DID YOU PUNCH SOMETHING? 20 00:00:57,950 --> 00:01:00,825 NO, I BURNED IT ON A CASSEROLE DISH. 21 00:01:00,825 --> 00:01:03,117 OKAY. 22 00:01:03,117 --> 00:01:04,533 DID YOU KNOW 23 00:01:04,533 --> 00:01:09,408 THE BATHROOM IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ROOM IN THE HOUSE? 24 00:01:09,408 --> 00:01:11,283 IT IS. 25 00:01:11,283 --> 00:01:15,033 IT'S THE ONLY PLACE A MAN CAN FIND COMPLETE SOLITUDE. 26 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,825 WHAT ABOUT WOMEN? 27 00:01:16,825 --> 00:01:17,617 WOMEN. 28 00:01:17,617 --> 00:01:19,617 WOMEN JUST DON'T GET IT. 29 00:01:19,617 --> 00:01:24,950 OH, THEY GO IN, AND THEY DO THEIR -- WELL, BATHROOM STUFF, 30 00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:27,575 BUT US MEN, IT'S OUR SANCTUARY. 31 00:01:27,575 --> 00:01:30,450 BUT WOMEN, THEY'RE MORE COMMUNAL. 32 00:01:30,450 --> 00:01:33,158 THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER. 33 00:01:33,158 --> 00:01:36,117 CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT -- TOGETHER? 34 00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:40,658 YOU KNOW, US MEN, WE'RE SOLITARY BEASTS. 35 00:01:40,658 --> 00:01:43,908 YEAH, WE LIKE OUR ALONE TIME. 36 00:01:43,908 --> 00:01:47,033 AND WE SURE AS HECK WOULDN'T PICK THIS WALLPAPER. 37 00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:53,492 ACTUALLY, THIS KIND OF WAS MY DAD'S REAL OFFICE. 38 00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:56,700 IF HE HAD A DEADLINE, HE'D BE IN HERE FOR HOURS. 39 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,908 AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, MOM WOULD KNOCK ON THE DOOR 40 00:01:59,908 --> 00:02:01,825 TO MAKE SURE HE DIDN'T FALL IN. 41 00:02:01,825 --> 00:02:04,492 YOU SEE, YOUR DAD GOT IT. 42 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:08,783 YEAH, IT USED TO BE, A MAN'S HOME WAS HIS CASTLE. 43 00:02:08,783 --> 00:02:13,117 AND SLOWLY, WOMEN JUST TOOK IT AWAY AND TOOK IT AWAY 44 00:02:13,117 --> 00:02:16,825 TILL WE'RE DOWN TO THIS ONE LITTLE ROOM. 45 00:02:18,742 --> 00:02:22,742 WELL, IT'S ALL YOURS NOW. 46 00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:23,908 YEAH? 47 00:02:23,908 --> 00:02:26,783 YEAH, CERTAINLY. IT STANDS TO REASON. 48 00:02:26,783 --> 00:02:30,492 I'M KIND OF MAD AT HIM, GRAMPS. 49 00:02:30,492 --> 00:02:33,325 AW, I KNOW, I KNOW, RORY. 50 00:02:33,325 --> 00:02:34,825 IT'S OKAY. 51 00:02:34,825 --> 00:02:39,533 IT'S A WHOLE LOT TO TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF. 52 00:02:42,992 --> 00:02:45,075 HAND ME THOSE NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS. 53 00:02:57,242 --> 00:03:01,033 HEY, GUYS -- OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. 54 00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:03,825 UM, CAN I JUST CHANGE IN HERE? 55 00:03:06,742 --> 00:03:08,867 MOM? 56 00:03:08,867 --> 00:03:10,992 FRED DOYLE IS PLANNING ON HAVING DINNER 57 00:03:10,992 --> 00:03:12,742 WITH DAD AND JESUS IN HEAVEN? 58 00:03:12,742 --> 00:03:15,825 COME ON, IT'S A NICE THOUGHT. 59 00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:17,575 YEAH, BUT DAD SPENT THREE YEARS 60 00:03:17,575 --> 00:03:19,658 AVOIDING THE DOYLES' FAMILY BARBECUE. 61 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,742 HOW'S HE GONNA GET OUT OF THAT ONE? 62 00:03:21,742 --> 00:03:23,408 I MEAN, DAD'S A TERRIBLE LIAR, 63 00:03:23,408 --> 00:03:25,658 AND JESUS CAN BE SITTING, LIKE, RIGHT THERE. 64 00:03:25,658 --> 00:03:28,825 YEAH. AND FRED GOING ON ABOUT THE DIFFERENCES 65 00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:32,158 BETWEEN ELECTRIC- AND GAS-POWERED WEED WHACKERS. 66 00:03:32,158 --> 00:03:35,950 LIKE JESUS ISN'T GOING TO WANT TO BACK OUT OF THAT DINNER. 67 00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:45,908 I'M SO PROUD OF YOU GUYS. 68 00:03:45,908 --> 00:03:47,950 I CAN'T IMAGINE 69 00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:50,950 GOING THROUGH A DAY LIKE THIS WITHOUT YOU KIDS. 70 00:03:50,950 --> 00:03:52,825 MAYBE IF DAD HAD LOOKED IN THE DRAWER 71 00:03:52,825 --> 00:03:54,158 AND SAW ALL THE BATTERIES, 72 00:03:54,158 --> 00:03:56,367 HE WOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO THE STORE, AND THEN -- 73 00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:59,825 KERRY. CARE BEAR. 74 00:03:59,825 --> 00:04:04,117 DON'T DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY GOING OVER AND OVER EVERYTHING. 75 00:04:04,117 --> 00:04:07,367 NO ONE CAN CONTROL WHAT HAPPENED. 76 00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:11,242 GOD, MOM, YOU ARE SO STRONG. 77 00:04:11,242 --> 00:04:12,783 OH, NO. 78 00:04:12,783 --> 00:04:15,950 TRUST ME, I FALL APART WHEN NOBODY'S LOOKING. 79 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,033 THE LAST WORDS I SAID TO DAD WAS, "I HATE YOU." 80 00:04:22,033 --> 00:04:24,283 OH, HONEY. 81 00:04:24,283 --> 00:04:27,617 HE WOULDN'T LET ME BORROW HIS STUPID CAR, 82 00:04:27,617 --> 00:04:29,575 AND I SAID, "I HATE YOU." 83 00:04:29,575 --> 00:04:30,908 I HAD MY DAD, 84 00:04:30,908 --> 00:04:34,908 AND THE LAST WORDS I EVER SAID TO HIM WERE, "I HATE YOU." 85 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,742 OH, BABY. 86 00:04:37,742 --> 00:04:41,783 I THINK THOSE WERE THE FIRST WORDS YOU SAID TO HIM, ALSO. 87 00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:43,950 IT'S OKAY. 88 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,742 HE KNEW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HIM, NO QUESTION. 89 00:04:47,742 --> 00:04:50,325 MY LAST WORDS WERE AN INSULT, TOO. 90 00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:52,992 HE WAS WEARING HIS MICHIGAN SWEATSHIRT 91 00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,200 WITH CHINOS. 92 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,617 AND I SAID THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH QUEER EYES 93 00:04:56,617 --> 00:04:59,200 IN ALL OF SAN FRANCISCO TO HELP HIM. 94 00:05:01,283 --> 00:05:04,450 WELL, I SENT HIM TO THE STORE FOR MILK. 95 00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:07,117 SO THE LAST THING HE HEARD OUT OF ME 96 00:05:07,117 --> 00:05:10,325 WAS, "BLAH-BLAH BLAH, BLAH-BLAH BLAH-BLAH." 97 00:05:12,158 --> 00:05:14,325 YOU KNOW WHAT HIS LAST WORDS TO ME WERE? 98 00:05:14,325 --> 00:05:15,283 WHAT? 99 00:05:15,283 --> 00:05:17,950 HASTA LA VISTA, BABY. 100 00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:19,908 SUCH A CORNBALL. 101 00:05:19,908 --> 00:05:22,200 YOU KNOW, HE WOULD SAY ANYTHING. 102 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,450 HE DIDN'T CARE HOW SILLY HE WAS. 103 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,200 JUST WANTED TO MAKE US LAUGH. 104 00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:30,575 I AM REALLY GONNA MISS THAT. 105 00:05:32,908 --> 00:05:37,492 SO, SOMEBODY'S GONNA HAVE TO TAKE UP THE CORNBALL SLACK 106 00:05:37,492 --> 00:05:38,450 AROUND HERE. 107 00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:40,617 I VOTE RORY. 108 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,617 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA MISS ABOUT DAD? 109 00:05:44,617 --> 00:05:49,367 THOSE BOGUS PANCAKES HE USED TO MAKE. 110 00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:52,325 GOD, IT WAS LIKE EATING TUPPERWARE COVERS. 111 00:05:52,325 --> 00:05:54,158 THEY WERE SO AWFUL. 112 00:05:54,158 --> 00:05:57,242 PANCAKE MIX AND WATER. HOW DO YOU MESS THAT UP? 113 00:05:57,242 --> 00:06:00,033 IF THEY WERE SO TERRIBLE, WHY'D YOU EAT THEM? 114 00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:02,700 THE SAME REASON YOU DID. 115 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:04,867 MADE HIM HAPPY. 116 00:06:04,867 --> 00:06:09,658 YOU HEAR THAT, DAD? OUR SECRET'S OUT. 117 00:06:14,492 --> 00:06:16,742 I NEVER ATE THE PANCAKES. 118 00:06:17,783 --> 00:06:21,742 OH, COME HERE, HONEYS, COME HERE. 119 00:06:21,742 --> 00:06:24,950 OH, I LOVE YOU. 120 00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:27,492 Girls: I LOVE YOU. 121 00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:49,658 GRAMPS? YEAH? 122 00:06:49,658 --> 00:06:52,033 WHAT WAS YOUR DAD LIKE? 123 00:06:53,867 --> 00:06:55,075 UH, MY DAD -- 124 00:06:55,075 --> 00:06:58,200 YOUR GREAT-GRANDDAD WAS A BUSINESSMAN. 125 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,075 HE OWNED A HABERDASHERY. 126 00:07:00,075 --> 00:07:01,950 HABA WHAT? 127 00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:05,325 A MEN'S STORE. HE SOLD SUITS AND HATS. 128 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,742 BASEBALL HATS? 129 00:07:07,742 --> 00:07:11,450 NO, NOT BASEBALL HATS. BOWLERS, FEDORAS, DERBIES. 130 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:15,408 YOU KNOW, BEAUTIFUL HATS THAT YOU TIPPED AT YOUNG LADIES 131 00:07:15,408 --> 00:07:19,700 AND WORE OVER YOUR HEART WHEN THEY PLAYED THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. 132 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,367 YEAH, HATS WERE THE CORNERSTONE OF CIVILIZATION. 133 00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:26,033 ONLY SAVAGES DIDN'T WEAR HATS. 134 00:07:26,033 --> 00:07:28,492 WERE YOU CLOSE WITH YOUR DAD? 135 00:07:28,492 --> 00:07:30,908 OH, IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME, 136 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:34,200 AND MY DAD WASN'T ALWAYS A HAPPY MAN. 137 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,200 HE SAID IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIS JOB. 138 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,367 IT DIDN'T FIT. 139 00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:41,408 A MAN'S JOB HAS TO FIT HIS SPIRIT. 140 00:07:41,408 --> 00:07:45,533 NOW, YOUR DAD'S JOB WAS A PERFECT FIT FOR HIS SPIRIT. 141 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:46,783 I DON'T KNOW. 142 00:07:46,783 --> 00:07:50,158 HE WAS ALWAYS SO MAD WHEN HE WAS WRITING. 143 00:07:50,158 --> 00:07:52,950 RORY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOW? 144 00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:55,325 GRAM SAYS, "EAT, SLEEP, AND DRINK"... 145 00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:57,742 AND DRIVE WITHOUT YOUR GLASSES. 146 00:07:57,742 --> 00:07:59,367 YOU GOTTA LOVE HER. 147 00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:01,575 RORY, I BUILD BIRDHOUSES. 148 00:08:01,575 --> 00:08:03,992 AND WHILE I'M BUILDING THEM, 149 00:08:03,992 --> 00:08:07,742 I'M BANGING MY KNUCKLES AND CUTTING MY HANDS 150 00:08:07,742 --> 00:08:10,367 AND CUSSING AND THROWING THINGS. 151 00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,450 THEN, ABOUT A MONTH LATER, 152 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,908 SOME BEAUTIFUL FINCH OR WAXWING MOVES IN, 153 00:08:15,908 --> 00:08:18,658 AND I DON'T GIVE A SECOND THOUGHT 154 00:08:18,658 --> 00:08:20,908 TO ALL THE CUTS AND SCRAPES. 155 00:08:20,908 --> 00:08:24,492 THAT WAS MY PROCESS. 156 00:08:24,492 --> 00:08:25,908 THE SAME WITH YOUR DAD. 157 00:08:25,908 --> 00:08:28,950 IT'S WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO GET TO THE GOOD STUFF. 158 00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:31,492 YOU KNOW, BANG HIS KNUCKLES AND WHATNOT. 159 00:08:31,492 --> 00:08:34,158 IT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW. 160 00:08:34,158 --> 00:08:36,450 I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU. 161 00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:42,783 WELL, YOU'RE UPSET WITH YOUR DAD FOR DYING. 162 00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:45,408 AND IT'S OKAY TO SLAM A DOOR 163 00:08:45,408 --> 00:08:50,950 AND, YOU KNOW, CRY AND GET ANGRY, 164 00:08:50,950 --> 00:08:54,158 BURN YOUR HAND ON A CASSEROLE. 165 00:08:55,450 --> 00:08:57,325 IT'S YOUR PROCESS. 166 00:08:57,325 --> 00:09:00,867 DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PLASTERING? 167 00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:03,325 WELL, I KNOW A LITTLE. WHY? 168 00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:13,533 YEAH, I THINK WE CAN HANDLE THAT. 169 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:17,992 RORY, DID YOUR DAD EVER TELL YOU THAT HE LOVED YOU? 170 00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:20,450 YEAH, TONS. 171 00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,450 DID YOU TELL HIM? 172 00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:23,367 YEAH, ALL THE TIME. 173 00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:26,700 WELL, THE CLOSEST MY DAD AND I EVER CAME 174 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,533 WAS WHEN I RETURNED FROM KOREA. 175 00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:32,367 YOU KNOW, WHEN I MET TED WILLIAMS. 176 00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:34,575 AND... 177 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:37,117 HE SAID HE MISSED ME. 178 00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:38,992 WHAT DID YOU SAY? 179 00:09:38,992 --> 00:09:41,492 I SAID I MISSED HIM, TOO. 180 00:09:41,492 --> 00:09:45,075 AND THEN WE SHOOK HANDS FROM ABOUT 3 FEET AWAY. 181 00:09:45,075 --> 00:09:50,117 I THINK WE BOTH FELT, YOU KNOW, THE SAME WAY 182 00:09:50,117 --> 00:09:52,450 ABOUT THE LOVE STUFF. 183 00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:54,950 BUT IT SURE WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE 184 00:09:54,950 --> 00:09:57,742 IF ONE OF US HAD JUST SAID IT OUT LOUD. 185 00:10:00,617 --> 00:10:02,533 GRAMPS? 186 00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:04,283 YEAH? 187 00:10:04,283 --> 00:10:06,408 HOW ARE YOU WITH BROKEN LAMPS? 188 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,450 NO. 189 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,742 YOUR FATHER NEVER MISSED A DEADLINE IN HIS LIFE. 190 00:10:21,658 --> 00:10:23,825 OKAY, IT'S GONNA BE REALLY HARD. 191 00:10:23,825 --> 00:10:26,700 LET'S JUST GO IN THERE, FIND YOUR DAD'S COLUMN, 192 00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:28,367 AND GET OUT. 193 00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:30,117 COME ON. 194 00:10:30,117 --> 00:10:32,117 GO ON. 195 00:10:40,867 --> 00:10:43,700 OH, MY GOD, I DREW THIS! 196 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:46,408 IT'S MY GIRAFFE. DAD KEPT IT. 197 00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:48,200 HONEY, HE KEPT ALL YOUR ARTWORK. 198 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,992 YOU KNOW, I THINK GIRAFFE IS SPELLED WRONG. 199 00:10:50,992 --> 00:10:54,492 I WAS 3, AND BY THE WAY, IT IS SPELLED RIGHT. 200 00:10:56,283 --> 00:10:58,492 I CAN'T BELIEVE HE KEPT THIS. 201 00:10:58,492 --> 00:10:59,450 WHAT IS IT? 202 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,867 IT WAS FROM WHEN WE WERE IN INDIAN CHIEFS TOGETHER, 203 00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:04,325 LIKE 10 YEARS AGO. 204 00:11:04,325 --> 00:11:06,200 WELL, OF COURSE HE KEPT IT. 205 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,450 I DIDN'T MAKE IT. HE DID. 206 00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:10,450 WHAT IS IT? IS IT AN ASHTRAY? 207 00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:13,533 I THINK IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A PENCIL HOLDER. 208 00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:16,242 WOW. 209 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,533 BRIDGET'S REPORT CARD FROM THE THIRD GRADE. 210 00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:21,867 YOU CAN TELL BY ALL THE C's. 211 00:11:21,867 --> 00:11:23,075 WAIT. LET ME SEE. 212 00:11:23,075 --> 00:11:25,408 OH, MY GOSH. IT SO IS. 213 00:11:25,408 --> 00:11:27,283 AND THERE'S C-PLUSES. 214 00:11:27,283 --> 00:11:28,867 LOOK, MY FIRST "B." 215 00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:31,825 I CAN'T BELIEVE DAD DIDN'T THROW THIS OUT. 216 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,533 MAYBE HE WANTED TO KEEP SOMETHING 217 00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:35,367 FROM WHEN YOU WERE AT YOUR ACADEMIC PEAK. 218 00:11:35,367 --> 00:11:37,742 SHUT UP. 219 00:11:37,742 --> 00:11:39,658 OH, MY GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. 220 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,033 THAT IDIOT. 221 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,575 WHAT IS IT? 222 00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:44,867 THESE ARE ALL THESE PICTURES 223 00:11:44,867 --> 00:11:48,992 THAT I MADE HIM THROW OUT BECAUSE I LOOKED BAD. 224 00:11:48,992 --> 00:11:50,408 HE KEPT THEM. 225 00:11:50,408 --> 00:11:51,658 OH! 226 00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:55,242 HE EVEN TOOK THIS ONE OUT OF THE TRASH 227 00:11:55,242 --> 00:11:57,242 AND TAPED IT TOGETHER. 228 00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:06,533 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING I DON'T BELIEVE. 229 00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:08,617 I'M JUST SAYING IT'S AWFULLY HARD 230 00:12:08,617 --> 00:12:10,033 TO FEEL CLOSE TO A GOD 231 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,200 THAT WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. 232 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,325 I JUST KEEP FEELING 233 00:12:13,325 --> 00:12:16,033 LIKE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE HAS BEEN MADE. 234 00:12:18,158 --> 00:12:20,575 I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. 235 00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:23,242 BE PATIENT. 236 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,367 DON'T LEAVE NOW. 237 00:12:25,367 --> 00:12:29,075 I JUST ALREADY FEEL SO DAMN ALONE. 238 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:34,283 I'M NOT SORRY I SAID "DAMN." 239 00:12:34,283 --> 00:12:36,242 WELL, IT'S ALL CLEANED UP DOWNSTAIRS. 240 00:12:36,242 --> 00:12:37,408 OH. 241 00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,033 WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO? 242 00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:40,575 NOBODY. 243 00:12:40,575 --> 00:12:43,325 OH, I THOUGHT I HEARD... 244 00:12:45,283 --> 00:12:47,367 ...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 245 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,033 SO, YOU'RE GONNA SLEEP HERE TONIGHT. 246 00:12:51,033 --> 00:12:52,533 HON, THAT'S A BIG MOVE FOR YOU. 247 00:12:52,533 --> 00:12:57,617 WELL, I -- I KEEP PUTTING OFF MY FIRST NIGHT IN HERE ALONE. 248 00:12:57,617 --> 00:12:59,617 I CAN'T DO IT FOREVER. 249 00:12:59,617 --> 00:13:02,158 IT'S SO WEIRD. 250 00:13:02,158 --> 00:13:04,575 IT ALWAYS FELT SO SMALL IN HERE 251 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,908 WITH BOTH OF US BANGING AROUND IN THE MORNING. 252 00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:09,575 NOW IT JUST FEELS SO BIG. 253 00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,200 WELL, WHY -- WHY DON'T I JUST SIT HERE 254 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,283 AT THE END OF THE BED UNTIL YOU FALL ASLEEP 255 00:13:16,283 --> 00:13:18,408 LIKE I USED TO DO WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? 256 00:13:18,408 --> 00:13:22,367 I WON'T SAY A WORD. I'LL JUST SIT THERE. 257 00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,325 NO, IT'S OKAY, MOM. 258 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,575 IT'S OKAY. 259 00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:35,075 I LOVE YOU, MOM. 260 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,325 I LOVE YOU, CATE. 261 00:13:39,325 --> 00:13:41,242 MMM. 262 00:13:43,283 --> 00:13:46,367 SO, I'LL, YOU KNOW, JUST SLEEP ON THE COUCH. 263 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,242 OKAY. 264 00:13:47,242 --> 00:13:50,283 YOU KNOW, DON'T -- DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. 265 00:13:50,283 --> 00:13:51,325 I'LL BE FINE. 266 00:14:05,783 --> 00:14:08,200 OH, HI, DAD. 267 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,450 I WAS CHANGING A BULB IN THE HALL. 268 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,325 IT WAS OUT. 269 00:14:11,325 --> 00:14:13,283 UNLESS YOU WANT IT COMPLETELY DARK. 270 00:14:13,283 --> 00:14:15,492 OH, NO. THANKS. THANK YOU. 271 00:14:15,492 --> 00:14:17,742 DAMN NEAR KILLED MYSELF. 272 00:14:20,825 --> 00:14:22,117 YOU WANT TO COME IN? 273 00:14:22,117 --> 00:14:23,742 YEAH, SURE. 274 00:14:23,742 --> 00:14:26,033 OH, COME ON. 275 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,408 WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN? 276 00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:41,575 DAD, WHAT? 277 00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:44,450 WELL, I.... 278 00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:47,242 I THINK I FOUND PAUL'S LAST ARTICLE. 279 00:14:47,242 --> 00:14:48,408 OH, YOU DID? 280 00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:51,033 YEAH, AND YOU ALL LAUGHED AT ME 281 00:14:51,033 --> 00:14:54,992 WHEN I SAID I TOOK A COMPUTER COURSE AT THE REC CENTER. 282 00:14:54,992 --> 00:14:57,200 I DON'T WANT TO TOOT MY OWN HORN -- 283 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,325 DAD, THE ARTICLE. 284 00:14:58,325 --> 00:15:00,075 OH, YEAH, WELL... 285 00:15:00,075 --> 00:15:02,242 I FOUND IT IN THE RECYCLING BIN. 286 00:15:02,242 --> 00:15:04,783 I DON'T THINK HE THOUGHT IT WAS VERY GOOD. 287 00:15:04,783 --> 00:15:08,283 WE SPENT FIVE HOURS AT THAT DESK. 288 00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:10,617 IT'S KIND OF LIKE CLEANING OUT AN ATTIC. 289 00:15:10,617 --> 00:15:13,742 IF YOU JUST DID THE WORK, YOU'D BE OUT IN 30 MINUTES. 290 00:15:13,742 --> 00:15:16,117 IT'S THE MEMORIES THAT SLOW YOU DOWN. 291 00:15:16,117 --> 00:15:18,908 OH, DAD, WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? 292 00:15:18,908 --> 00:15:22,367 WE -- WE DON'T DESERVE THIS. 293 00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:24,325 'CAUSE WE LIVE UNDER THE IMPRESSION 294 00:15:24,325 --> 00:15:25,908 THAT WE GET WHAT WE DESERVE. 295 00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:27,408 IF I GOT WHAT I DESERVED, 296 00:15:27,408 --> 00:15:30,533 I'D NEVER HAVE YOU AND YOUR SISTER IN MY LIFE. 297 00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:31,700 OH, DAD. 298 00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:34,450 SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE 299 00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:39,075 TO DESERVE TWO SUCH ANGELS OR RORY OR KERRY, BRIDGET, 300 00:15:39,075 --> 00:15:42,367 AND, FOR PART OF MY LIFE, YOUR MOTHER? 301 00:15:42,367 --> 00:15:44,367 YEAH... 302 00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:45,950 WE JUST GOT TO BE THANKFUL 303 00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:48,325 FOR THE TIME WE HAVE LEFT WITH PEOPLE 304 00:15:48,325 --> 00:15:51,033 AND ALWAYS LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. 305 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:55,575 OH. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY'S BEEN GOING TO CHURCH. 306 00:15:55,575 --> 00:16:00,283 DON'T TELL YOUR MOTHER. IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET. 307 00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:03,742 I LOVE YOU, CATE. 308 00:16:03,742 --> 00:16:07,075 I'M JUST SORRY I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH. 309 00:16:07,075 --> 00:16:09,408 OH. AND YET, I KNOW IT. 310 00:16:11,575 --> 00:16:13,492 GOOD NIGHT. 311 00:16:13,492 --> 00:16:14,992 GOOD NIGHT, DAD. 312 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,242 OH, PAUL. 313 00:16:36,242 --> 00:16:39,325 GOD FORBID YOU SHOULD MOVE SOMETHING AND LOOK. 314 00:16:41,492 --> 00:16:44,075 MOM? 315 00:16:44,075 --> 00:16:46,617 OH, HI, BEACH. 316 00:16:46,617 --> 00:16:48,033 ARE YOU OKAY? 317 00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:50,158 YEAH. 318 00:16:50,158 --> 00:16:51,533 OH, NOT REALLY. 319 00:16:51,533 --> 00:16:54,658 CAN I SLEEP WITH YOU? 320 00:16:54,658 --> 00:16:56,867 OH, COME ON. 321 00:17:00,992 --> 00:17:02,742 COME HERE. 322 00:17:06,117 --> 00:17:08,367 OH. COME ON. 323 00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:10,408 COME ON. 324 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,950 I'VE GOT SOMETHING, YOU GUYS. 325 00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:18,158 WHAT IS IT? 326 00:17:18,158 --> 00:17:20,950 IT'S DAD'S LAST ARTICLE. GRANDPA FOUND IT. 327 00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:22,617 OH, MY GOD. MOM, READ IT. 328 00:17:22,617 --> 00:17:25,908 YEAH, OKAY, WELL, I'M GOING TO. 329 00:17:26,742 --> 00:17:28,242 IT DOESN'T HAVE A TITLE OR ANYTHING, 330 00:17:28,242 --> 00:17:31,533 SO I'LL JUST START. 331 00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:35,700 "OKAY, READERS, TODAY WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE POP QUIZ. 332 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:37,367 "IT'S MULTIPLE CHOICE. 333 00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:39,575 "SO SHARPEN YOUR NUMBER-2 PENCILS 334 00:17:39,575 --> 00:17:41,908 "AND PUT ON YOUR THINKING CAPS. 335 00:17:41,908 --> 00:17:43,617 "READY? HERE'S A QUOTE. 336 00:17:43,617 --> 00:17:45,783 "'DAD, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.' 337 00:17:45,783 --> 00:17:48,033 "NOW, CONTESTANTS, THIS WAS SAID TO ME 338 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,742 "BECAUSE OF WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING TRANSGRESSIONS? 339 00:17:50,742 --> 00:17:53,617 "'A' -- COMING TO THE BREAKFAST TABLE 340 00:17:53,617 --> 00:17:56,408 "WEARING PAJAMAS AND BLACK SOCKS? 341 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,408 "'B' -- ASKING MY OLDEST DAUGHTER 342 00:17:58,408 --> 00:17:59,450 "IF THAT GUY I SAW HER TALKING TO 343 00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:02,575 "AT SCHOOL YESTERDAY WAS HER BOYFRIEND? 344 00:18:02,575 --> 00:18:07,825 "'C' -- REFERRING TO RAPPER 50 CENT AS '50 CENTS'? 345 00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:10,533 "OR 'D' -- ENTERING THE ROOM? 346 00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:14,408 "OKAY, PENCILS DOWN. 347 00:18:14,408 --> 00:18:16,658 "ACTUALLY, IT WAS A TRICK QUESTION. 348 00:18:16,658 --> 00:18:19,033 "THE ANSWER IS 'ALL OF THE ABOVE.'" 349 00:18:20,950 --> 00:18:24,742 "NOW, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I CALLED MY FATHER AN IDIOT? 350 00:18:24,742 --> 00:18:26,325 "ZERO. 351 00:18:26,325 --> 00:18:28,783 "WHY? BECAUSE I FEARED HIM. 352 00:18:28,783 --> 00:18:32,658 "BACK THEN, WE DIDN'T SHARE OUR DEEP, PERSONAL FEELINGS. 353 00:18:32,658 --> 00:18:34,575 "OUR DEEPEST CONVERSATIONS 354 00:18:34,575 --> 00:18:38,408 "USUALLY REVOLVED AROUND THE TIGERS' BULLPEN. 355 00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:41,783 "BUT MY KIDS? I CAN'T GET THEM TO SHUT UP. 356 00:18:41,783 --> 00:18:46,492 "THERE'S NOT A FEELING THAT MY KIDS ARE AFRAID TO EXPRESS, 357 00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,450 "OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 358 00:18:48,450 --> 00:18:52,450 "AND MY WIFE REASSURES ME THIS IS A GOOD THING, 359 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:55,367 "OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 360 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,575 "AND SHE'S ALWAYS RIGHT. 361 00:18:57,575 --> 00:19:00,825 "SO DO I WISH THAT MY KIDS FEARED ME? 362 00:19:00,825 --> 00:19:03,742 "WELL, MY HOUSE WOULD BE QUIETER, 363 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:07,450 "AND I'D SPEND A LOT LESS TIME IN THE BATHROOM, 364 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:13,742 "BUT, NO, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT, WHENEVER THEY INSULT ME, 365 00:19:13,742 --> 00:19:16,450 "WHETHER IT'S A 'YOU'RE AN IDIOT,' 366 00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:20,283 "'WHAT A GEEK,' OR AN 'I HATE YOU,' 367 00:19:20,283 --> 00:19:23,492 "AN 'I LOVE YOU' ISN'T FAR BEHIND. 368 00:19:23,492 --> 00:19:27,408 "AND IT'S THE KNOWLEDGE THAT MY WIFE AND KIDS LOVE ME 369 00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:28,825 "THAT MAKES IT SAFE 370 00:19:28,825 --> 00:19:31,908 "FOR ME TO WEAR PAJAMAS AND BLACK SOCKS 371 00:19:31,908 --> 00:19:33,742 TO THE BREAKFAST TABLE." 372 00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:37,825 OH, MY GOD. 373 00:19:37,825 --> 00:19:40,700 DAD, THANK YOU. 374 00:19:41,617 --> 00:19:44,242 THAT'S ALL HE WROTE. 375 00:19:44,242 --> 00:19:46,617 THAT WAS ENOUGH. 376 00:19:46,617 --> 00:19:48,533 YEAH. 377 00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:50,950 YOU KNOW, I WISH WE INSULTED HIM MORE. 378 00:19:53,617 --> 00:19:57,117 OKAY, GUYS... IT'S BEDTIME. 379 00:20:05,492 --> 00:20:07,742 ALL RIGHT, MOVE OVER. 380 00:20:36,117 --> 00:20:37,408 Kerry: RORY, MOVE OVER. 381 00:20:37,408 --> 00:20:39,325 Rory: I'M OVER AS FAR AS I CAN GET. 382 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,908 RORY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CUT YOUR TOENAILS? 383 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,825 THE LAST TIME YOU SHAVED YOUR LEGS. 384 00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:46,200 Bridget: MOM, YOU'RE LAUGHING. WHY? 385 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,783 OH, GOD ONLY KNOWS. 26798

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