All language subtitles for people just DO nothing 3x02 bis sub eng

This programme contains
strong language

Beats, come on. Beats look lively,
mate, look lively, come on. Yep.

Leave this alone.
You've made a new track, then?

Yeah, Grindah's been playing it,
like, loads on Kurupt.

# MC Grindah...

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang!
Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Leaving every MC down on
the floor... #

What you doing? Get up! You're
meant to be standing.

'The other night I literally
played it for three hours straight,

'so that anyone that locked in would
literally just be brainwashed'

into loving it,
do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I actually still feel a bit
knackered from it.

So you performed it all live?
Yeah. Of course.

Yeah, we performed it all live.
Three hours live, back-to-back.

# Beats and Grindah killed an MC

# Someone take him to A&E

# Perform some lyrical surgery... #

Put that fucking joint down now.

'Are you not worried people'll
get bored of it?

'People don't get bored
with shit like that.

'It's called a marketing strategy.

'Basically just getting into
people's heads,'

you know what I mean?
Basic psychology. Room 101. Yeah.

No, still the midpoint
reload. Do it again.

You don't see Van Damme
sitting down.

We're here for a very special
meeting with Excel Records.

Let's just say we're getting a
record deal today. Yeah!

Let's just say they finally realised
that we are the future of new music.

We don't even like new music.
Yeah, exactly.

It is like the future of music that
still sounds like it's in 2002.

Like, it's complicated.

It's sort of industry sort of shit,
you wouldn't understand.

Yeah, you wouldn't get it.

BUZZER RINGS
I can't believe we're here.

'Hello.' Hi there. Chabuddy G here
with the Kurupt FM boys.

We're here to get a record deal.

'Sorry, do you have
a meeting with someone?'

Erm, no, I haven't got a meeting,
I've got...

I've got a delivery.
You said you had a meeting.

We're in, just...
'OK, give me a minute.'

A trick, a little trick.

'The first rule of
the music industry'

is that the music doesn't matter.
It's about who you know.

That's why it's very useful
to have a manager like me.

I mean, I don't know anyone,

but they don't know
that I don't know anyone,

so they know that I don't know
that they know.

Smart.

Relax. Balls, balls.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Do you have a delivery?
No, I don't have a delivery,

but can we get a meeting?

No, sorry.

You fuckin'...

It's all right. It's their loss.

You said we had a meeting.

We do have a meeting, it's just that
this is a... This is a warm-up.

Come on. On to the next one!

OK, I'm going to be making notes
throughout the day,

but otherwise just pretend
like I'm not here.

You all set, Miche? Yeah, no,
I'm just checking the...

Good. They're all straight.

'So basically to get the
hairdressing qualification,

'I need to do a test.'

I have had a few tests
in my life before.

I tried to do my driving test -
that didn't really go to plan.

I'm not really into pressure.

If I can relax a bit more,
then I can get it done

and not write off the car.

Good. They're all straight.
Don't be nervous, you'll be fine.

No, I just, I want it to go
really well today.

It will go really well.
You've got everything done.

Just try and...
HAIRDRYER WHIRS

OK, good, yeah, that's a good
temperature. Relax.

Yeah, I am.

So, do you know anyone at this one?

Who don't I know, mate?

Listen, listen, OK?
These are top dogs.

We need to basically just act
important, yeah?

And just head straight for the
lifts. OK.

All right, keep it down, yeah?
Keep it down.

Come on. There's no buzzer
or anything.

Shh! We're going through. Come on.

Good morning. I'm here for work.

Top floor, top dogs.

Another day.
Just trying to act naturally.

Yeah, be natural.
Just blend in, blend in.

So would you say you are in it
for money or glory?

I'm in it for the passion, mate.
That is why I do it.

I'm in it to lyrically destroy
anyone that listens to it,

do you know what I mean?

If money comes with that,
then that's a bonus round, isn't it?

And I'm just here for the ride.

Wherever it may take thee.

I'd say I'm in it for the money.

BEEPING
Shut up, shut up.

Beating it up?

Intense, innit?

OK, get in, get in, get in, get in.

Press the button. Get in.

Fucking hell, all the walls
are made of windows.

I don't even know what's
wall any more.

You have to get used to this, mate.

Atlantic! Atlantic.

The lost city. Yeah.

Is this him?

Hello. You must be Steves.

Yes, I am. Welcome
to Lavender Hair And Beauty.

Hello, Miche.

Are you Miche? I don't know if
you're Miche yet.

So are you allowed to use friends
in the test?

Yeah! I mean, it's not cheating.

It's called, like,
it's sourcing your own model.

It's an industry thing.

So... So it's definitely
not cheating.

But if Tanya finds out, then,
yeah, I would fail.

Thank you. Great. Nice to meet you.

Great. And if you'd just like to
take a seat in our waiting area?

Sure. Excellent.

Sorry if I stink of draw.
I've got a queue in my bag.

I've got yours in here as well,
actually.

Yeah, that's fine. We'll just... OK.

Sort it out later.

Cool.

This is it.

Look. Excuse me,
can I help you with anything?

Hello. What's your position,
role in the company?

Are you looking for anyone
in particular or...?

Yeah, someone actually pretty
important.

Erm... Matt... Marty, Martin.

I forget his name.

Is it someone from the A&R team?

That's it. A&R, that's his name.

A&R, yeah. Tell him it's Chabuddy G,
with a hard D.

Chabud-dy G.

Also, Kurupt FM.

So he'll know. 108.9. On your dial.

Hiya, Josh, have you got any
appointments today?

There's a group down here with
a camera and everything.

Say Kurupt FM. Say Kurupt FM.

Yeah, no, I thought so.

All right. Cheers, leave it with me.

All right, bye.

Erm... Yeah.
He'll be down in about five,

so if I just pop you over to the
waiting room.

He's going to come down now?

Yeah, he'll be down in
about five minutes.

Just wait over in the waiting room.
I'll just show you.

So, A&R is his surname?
Shall I call him Mr A&R?

It's the department he works for.

He'll be down in a minute.
Is there anything I can get you?

Tea or coffee? Oh, no. You've
been amazing. You've done enough.

All right. You've outstayed your
welcome, thank you.

Let's just say we won't forget about
you once we get the...

OK, you know where my desk
is if you need anything.

All right. Thanks very much
for your help.

It's a record deal. Be cool.
We are getting a record deal.

Are you a real customer? Yeah.

So I went for Steves as my
model just because he has a sort of

a fashion model look about him.

You know, sort of weirdly tall and
thin, he's got the cheekbones.

Plus he was the only
one that would do it.

But I think with the right haircut,

he could look a bit
like a supermodel,

like Kate Moss or Naomi Campbell.

Can I get you a drink?

Drink?

Tea, coffee?

Did you have a drink?

No, no drink, thank you.

Bruv, 14 years in the making, bruv.

We're here. Oh, mate...
Look at these awards.

We'll probably get awards.
But probably won't win them

cos we're too underground for that.

Who wants awards anyway?

Look at this.
CLATTERING

Maybe you should put that back up.
Put it back, they might...

Just in case. I think he's coming.

Play it cool. Play it cool.

Do you want to pop
all your stuff up here

and then just meet me at my chair?

Lovely. And just your hat as well.
Oh, yeah, the hat as well.

I don't really like getting my
hair cut, to be honest.

I find it really intense, staring at
myself in the mirror for ages.

I feel like the mirror version of
myself

is going to do something weird.

I don't trust him.

Don't... Don't panic.

And so what sort of thing
are you looking for today?

Is that...? Oh, she's there again.

Erm... I would like
a French crop, please.

A French crop, brilliant.
French crop, please.

Work with the texture of...
Yeah, exactly,

we'll work with this sort of dry
and thick texture.

There's a little bit in the middle
where it's sort of matted together.

I think it's the start of, like,
a dreadlock

but you can probably get it out.

That's him. I think that's him.

Is that him?

Act normal and laid-back.
Like you don't give a shit.

They love that. Hi, I'm Josh.
Hello, mate.

Part of the A&R team.

Hi, Josh. Chabuddy G,
manager of Kurupt FM.

I'm Kurupt FM CEO,
MC Grindah.

Yes. No, I recognise you guys.

Oh, penny's dropped.

People Who Do Nothing?

That's us! So you're serious.

You guys want to make music now?

Yeah. Are we serious?

I'll let you be
the judge of that, mate.

Yeah, we're serious.
Let him be the judge of it!

Right, if you...

Shall we have a meeting? Yeah, come
this way. Are we having a meeting?

Yes. So is this your office?

Yeah, it is. Let's keep it down.
There's a lot of people working.

HE MOANS GENTLY

Sorry. Is this all right?
Cos you're Grindah's girl.

It's fine. I'm just going to get
you to sit back and relax

and maybe just not talk for a bit.

Where's the armholes?

There aren't any armholes, so we're
just going to, just...

I don't want the shampoo in my eyes.

I won't let it get in your eyes,
it's fine.

I'm keeping it back. The government
put chemicals in shampoo.

To keep us blind.

'Being a hairdresser is about more
than just cutting hair.

'You've got to be a people
person, you know?'

So a lot of the customers you might
think, "Who is that?

"Why are they here?
They're disgusting."

You've got to be able to get on
with people from all walks of life.

Even the ones who can't walk.

We've got a ramp, so...

What shampoo have you got, actually?

What are you using?
Shall I read the label out to you?

Read out the back. If it's
government approved

then we need to start
questioning it.

"Warning, avoid contact with eyes."

See, this is it,
this is exactly what I mean.

# MC Grindah, I'm a raver

# When I'm at the mic,
we add a flavour

# When I blaze in the haze up
in the paper

# Holding the mic like a lightsaber

# And I'm lyrically knocking
out Darth Vader... #

Thank you.

What that was, Josh, that was one
of my earlier compositions.

I think what I was trying
to say with that

was that the mic is my weapon

and I am all-round better
than Darth Vader.

That's... Well,
it's powerful, it's great.

Thank you very much
for letting me hear it.

We've got that ghost box...

Oh, mate, your water's off.

That's fizzy water.

Fizzy water?

You lot have got more
money than sense.

Time is money. You're a busy man,
I'm a busy man, yeah?

Money talks, bullshit walks.

Let's do some talking, baby, yeah?

Get ready for the Kurupt FM
world exclusivity contract.

Get your fucking pen ready, mate,

because you are going to want to
sign the shit out of us

once you've heard this.

There you go, mate. Play it.

TRACK PLAYS

Eye contact, Josh, eye contact.

It might sound a bit tinny
cos it's off the phone.

This will be available on all
formats as well,

so CD, MiniDisc, MP3, MP4, MP5...

What about MP6?
Yeah, we can do that.

ON PHONE: # MC Grindah...

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang!
Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw... #

Leaving every MC dead,
like, in their own blood.

These guys are a phenomenon.

They need to be promoted,
you know what I mean?

So who better to...? I can sell the
shit out of anything, mate.

I have the gab of the gift.

So I can just literally talk my way
out of a bloody cardboard box, mate.

No, he's not getting it. Guys, I've
got it. You need to hear the bass.

I've got it. You need the whole
experience.

I've got headphones. Honestly...

You haven't had the
whole experience!

You haven't had the whole
experience, mate. Thank you.

Please, give it a go with the
headphones!

Just put it in there. Hold him down.
Put it in his ear.

Thank you so much. Josh, you haven't
heard it with headphones.

Talk to my solicitor. You haven't
heard it with the headphones yet!

You're a talented bunch. Josh,
please. I don't need the headphones.

Please. Thank you. Security,
can we sort this out?

We're not going to stay, mate.
Freaks.

Yeah? Fucking keep looking, mate.

Lucky the cameras are rolling
or I might have to ...

Not even fucking listening. Great.

Why don't we sell direct to the
record shops

like Wiley and that used to do back
in the day?

Let's just do that. Let's go.

What, now? You going now?
What do you mean?

Of course. I've got
to go to dad classes with Roche.

If I'm late, she's going to switch.

Oh, great.

Have you been more bossy
since you got pregnant?

No, I have not been more bossy,
have I?

Yes. No.

Let's just go.
Come on. All right, you lot.

See you in a bit, yeah.

Does it cause friction?

What, arguments?

If he pushes too far, yeah.

Especially with the hormones now.

I didn't really know
what hormones were,

but they are basically
just these tiny balls of anger

that live inside women.

Brilliant. You're doing really well.
If you want to just...

Keep facing... Keep facing forward,
yeah, that's it.

And then... It's looking good.

Thank you.

Sorry, I saw here in the reflection

so I thought I'd check
if she's there.

OK, well, let's do a little bit
with the clippers.

Are these all doing tests as well?

No, they're already
professional hairdressers.

So what have we gone for? I usually
work with darker hair than this,

this is a lot lighter than
it would normally be,

so that is why it looks
a little bit mad at the moment.

Just relax, take your time,
work with the texture of the hair.

And you will be fine. Great, OK.

Thank you, Tanya. Let's just...

It is going really well. Oh, my God.

I just love cutting hair!

Do you reckon it is going
to be much longer?

I've got to link with Alfie Danger
in a bit.

I just need a couple more minutes.

Nearly done.

We're selling some of
these bad boys. Yeah, exactly.

Let me do the talking, yeah?
You know who we are in there.

Hello, boss, how are you doing?
All right, yeah? Good, good.

Hello, mate. Chabuddy G,
manager of Kurupt FM.

Corrupt...? Kurupt FM. You know
who we are.

Stop showing off in
front of the camera.

Let me ask you a question, mate.

How's business? It is all right.

What if I told you
you could double that? Double what?

Just double it.

The key to being a good salesman is
knowing how to sell your product.

OK, for example, how much would you
give me for this watch?

Oh, fuck.

It's got a dodgy strap,
it must have fallen off.

OK, I'll tell you what,

let me look for the watch and then
ask the question again, OK?

So you remember Get Out Of The Way?
No. Yes, you do. Good.

This is the follow-up
single from that.

Right. All right? Play the tune.

TRACK PLAYS

Of course, that's the heart monitor.
It's a theme song. All right.

TALKING ALONG: This direction...

I think it might be MC Grindah...

Who?!

# MC Grindah...

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang!
Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw

# Leaving every MC
down on the floor... #

PHONE RINGS

Roche? Yeah, I'm at dad classes.
Where are you?

I can't go in on my own,
it's a bit weird.

Do you feel more mature, then?

'Do I feel more mature?'

Look what I'm dropping these days.

I mean, check out the chinos.

Just hurry up, yeah? Bye.

When you walk into a place with
chinos on,

they know you're a real man.

Fuck's sake.

# What you gonna say now,
what you gonna do

# When Beats and Grindah
are coming for you? #

Do you like it?

Er...

Keep listening.

# Beats and Grindah up on the track

# Guess you could call
that double impact

# Why are we so lyrically thick?

# Cos we were training, punching a
tree for a week... #

REWIND EFFECT

Is that a rewind in the song?

Exactly. It's the midpoint reload.

And it goes back to the start?
Spot on, he has heard of it, yeah.

The midpoint reload is really going
to change

people's enjoyment of music.
Exactly. OK.

In a good way. Right.

I'm just not sure they'll sell.

All right, let me stop you there,
mate. I am sure they'll sell.

So who are you going to listen to?

You - "Oh, I'm not really sure,
I'm insecure,"

or me that knows exactly
what I'm talking about.

I don't think it's going to happen.

All right, good, because maybe
you're not going to happen, then.

What's that mean?

Exactly, what's that mean?

Don't. With your tiny little shop.

Freak. Sorry about that.

Yeah? How about that?

FAINT CLATTER

Have fun cleaning that up.

I told you I was going to do the
talking.

Just a little bit of business.
That's why you fucked it up.

I thought you knew him, you said...
I did know him. He was showing off.

Are you waiting for someone? Yeah.

Come in and wait, that's fine.

Roche thought it would be a good
idea actually

if we went on a parenting course.

It was when he asked whether babies

ever come out of the arsehole
by accident.

Well, that's a simple
mistake to make, mate -

they are very close to each other.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

Hi. Tina, 25 weeks and we're having
a boy, little Tyler.

Oh, named him already.
Congratulations.

I'm Darren. Obviously,
I'm not pregnant

but, erm, was involved
in the process!

Hello, I'm Jack. Hello, Jack.

Hello, I'm Laura. I'm 23 weeks

and we've actually decided to
keep it a surprise. Good for you.

Lots of people do. Not everyone
wants everyone to know,

so there we go.
Hello. Erm...

My name is Kevin Bates,
AKA Beats, AKA the Albino Seal.

Right. And, erm...

This is a picture of my partner,
Roche. Right.

She's not here yet cos
she had an emergency at work.

Ah, so she's joining? Yes.

She's coming. That's all right, man,

you can have a go on mine
if she doesn't turn up.

Love that. What's your name, mate?
Darren. This is Tina. Hello, Tina.

Don't worry, I don't want
to have a go on you.

I mean, I would, if...
And you weren't...

I'm afraid we're going
to have to start now.

How are we getting on?
Yeah, we're nearly done,

aren't we, Steves?
Finishing touches.

Sorry. It's good that you're so
comfortable.

I get weird about haircuts.

I did a load of Valium earlier.

Just to calm me down. Ah...

Why not, eh? Yeah.

Just get him finished up and out.

OK. Yeah? OK. Cool.

OK.

It's always better with a bit of
gel, innit? I'm just going to...

This is where you'll really see a
transformation.

Wow.

OK, so, would you like
to just hold your baby

how you think a baby
would be held?

Just support the neck, Kevin.

Doing a lovely job there.

All right? Sorry I'm late. Oh,
hello. Oh, you must be...

Hello there. My dad used to do that.

Wahey!

Kevin, we are treating these
dolls like babies.

Yeah, I know, but they're not.

INTERVIEWER: Do you have high
expectations for Beats

at birth time?

I have high expectations of Kevin

but I also am aware of what Kevin
will be able to do.

So, in the sense that I have high
expectations

of what I would like him to do
but I've very low expectations

of what I actually expect him to do.

But babies, do they like
sort of jokes and that?

You know, like,
not proper jokes but joke stuff?

Babies like to laugh, of course,
like everybody.

They've the same emotions as us.

Brilliant. Wow.

I like how you did a little space
in between each strand.

Do you like that? That's my own
little technique actually, so...

Yeah. Can I ask you if I can get
a picture of the hair?

Just to put on my gallery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect.
Model shot.

Modelling. OK.

Smile.

Great. OK. Perfect.

So I think we're all done now.

Here, take that off, yeah.

Great. I love it.

VIP treatment.

All right. Do you want me to give
you this thing now or...?

No, no. Not here. Bit bait? Yeah.

All right. OK. Wow.

God. You look like a footballer
or something.

Yeah? Proper...
Proper celebrity look.

Wow. Better with a hat on, though,
innit?

Look like a crack-head
without the hat.

All right. See you later.
Bye. Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh, wow.

He's put the hat straight on.
What's he doing?

He smelt of drugs.
He smelt of drugs.

It just seems pointless. You can't
sell things on the internet.

How do you get the money?
Mate, trust me, OK?

Everyone's doing it right now, OK?

People don't want to go
to the shop to buy music.

People don't want
to go to labels, mate.

It's all about downloading, yeah?

The internet.

Nah, cos I still reckon the
internet

is going to blow over any day.

No, mate. Trust me, OK?

Think about it. Right now we live
in the now generation.

Yeah? Yeah.
People want everything NOW.

OK? Yeah. Instant coffee.

Fast food. Fast internet.

Yeah. Even fast sex.

Three minutes max.
You know what I mean?

Get it in. Stick it back out.
Clean yourself up. Get the hell out.

You know what I mean?
I don't even know

what you're talking about any more.

You started off and then
always just go back down to sex.

Yes. Sorry. I'm just...

very sexually frustrated
at the moment.

Yeah. That's...

You did great today, Miche.

Thank you. Looks like we've got a
natural hairdresser in our midst.

Oh, thanks.

You did well actually cos
he was a bit of a tricky customer.

He was off his face actually.

Druggie eyes. I knew that.

Yeah. Well, you know what they say.

You've got to handle people from all
walks of life

as a hairdresser, so...

I was just doing my job really.

That is very true.

Well, next time you come in,
Mrs Beaumont,

it might be our Miche here
cutting your hair.

Oh, my God.
I mean, I would love that.

I've never cut long hair before

so it would be really
a dream come true.

Have you ever thought of going
a bit shorter?

So, what I want you to do
is open your nappies.

And I want you to tell me whether
you think you've got a healthy nappy

or an unhealthy nappy.

Eurgh. That is mental.

Is that real? No, it's not real.
Calm down.

'Scuse me? Yes?

Is that real?
No, Kevin, it's not real.

It's just for the purposes
of the exercise.

Cool. So when a baby's first born
their faeces are very dark...

Yeah. It's mustard.

Sorry, does that mean
that it's unhealthy?

What do you think, Kevin?

I think it would be a bit painful
to shit out pure mustard.

That's Darren. That's Darren.

It's just mustard for the
purposes of the exercise.

What did you get?
Peanut butter, man. Peanut butter?

Yeah, seriously, you could spread
that shit on some toast.

It's just representative. This is
just representing poos...

I've had shits like
peanut butter before. Eurgh!

Can we settle please so
we can learn?

Can we settle so we can learn?
Disgusting.

And there we go.

It's official. Our records are now
available to purchase

exclusively online. Oh, mate.

That's embarrassing. I've now been
officially signed to eBay, mate.

I am now the CEO
of Kurupt FM Worldwide.

Oh! Trust me. Baby.

# Celebrate good times. #

Come on!

Whack it in there.

Big ups, brother.
Big ups. To Kurupt FM Worldwide.

To Kurupt FM Worldwide.

Shall we say pick-up only? Yeah.
Make sure they come to Brentford.

In five years' time,
where do you see yourselves?

I'll probably be... I'll probably
move to a nice part of Hounslow.

I'll probably get a
double Portakabin.

So, a double-decker Portakabin.

We're going to have a castle
in Jamaica/clubhouse.

That's one of my plans.
Come down on holiday to Jamaica.

Yeah. I'll visit
these boys in Jamaica.

I'll still be micromanaging them.
Yeah. From my office in Hounslow.

I'll tell you what, actually. Look.

You've signed this one, so it's a
limited edition.

So we could probably
charge more for that.

Love that. Whack it on for a grand.

Really, what? A grand?

Two grand actually - you're right.

I think any more than that might
limit sales.

Oh. That's lovely, that is.

So there are three basic stages
to labour.

You've got the dilation.

And this is when
you'll probably notice

some discharge from your vagina.

Basically, the mucus plug
that's been keeping infection

from going into your womb and
affecting your baby,

this is when it passes out.

All the membrane...
Is that only if it goes wrong?

No. This is if it all goes well.

We haven't even got
to the bad stuff yet.

Look at that.

That's mad. Our single is literally
worth more than anyone's on there.

What does that tell you?

Tells you I'm better than them.
That's what that tells you.

Look at that.

What these boys done is incredible.

Our own label. Trust me.

Kurupt FM will always be
ground-breaking.

Yeah? Like we'll just hit the
ground running and break it.

Yeah. Free champagne.

It's all part of the music life.

We'll take it out of
the first pay cheque.

Well, it wasn't signed off. It was
signed off at management level.

Overruled by CEO.

We don't need some
mucky label telling us what to do.

Giving us bare money. Yeah.

Cos no amount would be enough.

Do you know what I mean? You can't
put a price on what we're worth.

Exactly. We're worthless. Exactly.