All language subtitles for people just DO nothing 2x03 bis sub eng

# Hype on the riddim,
it's a...boom seleck!

# Hype on the riddim,
it's a...boom seleck!

# Hype on the riddim,
it's a...boom seleck! #

RAP MUSIC CONTINUES

What's changed since
we were last here?

Erm, subs have gone up 50p. Yeah.
Innit? Yeah.

Decoy's got a new exhaust fitted.

Yeah. Erm...
Sounds like an aeroplane.

EXHAUST ROARS

Do you think you've got more
listeners now?

Yeah, I'd say we're at least
on double figures now.

Oh, yeah. At least. Per show.
Yeah, yeah.

Max. At least. Max.
At least, yeah.

At least max, yeah.

# B stands for brutality
I said E

# Stands for the energy

# T!
Guaranteed

# T!
Riding the beat

# T!

BOTH: # T! #

Have you got more attention now
you've got the beard?

A lot of attention
from the beard, yeah.

I'm getting a lot of the mums down
Green Dragon,

do you know what I mean, checking me
out and that, yeah.

Cos they know I'm on telly,
so they think I got bare money.

I ain't.
Cos you lot don't give us no money.

This programme contains
strong language.

Miche!
You get it! Miche!

Oh. They're 'ere!

All right, boys. What's going on?
All right?

'It's a big day, big event for all
of us. It's exciting.'

Angel becoming a Christian is
probably the biggest event

she's ever been through, other than
being born,

so, yeah, it's pretty big.

Are you a Christian?

I'm not technically christened,

but I definitely am a very
spiritual person.

And I think I have Christian morals.

Like, I love Christmas, for example.

I love, like, everything about
Christmas, like, getting presents,

eating loads of food, so I think I
do believe in God in that way, yeah.

Miche!
Do you know where my Avirex is?

It's hectic, it gets everywhere!

They should have more christening
emoticons, shouldn't they?

So what I've done is like a baby's
head with some water splashes

and then a church. Like, what else?

Godfather, innit.

Love that. See ya later.

Basically, yeah, when you get
Christianed,

you need a godfather, yeah.
Godfather.

So it's a very important decision
I have to make,

..and someone that's loyal.

It's out of Decoy and Beats.

But...

I thought it was going to be me.

Huh? Well, we'll see.

Whoever's the most deserving out of
them two.

Congrats, mate. You're in the
running. Yeah, but...

Nah, you've made it to the finals.

Oh, it's the finals? Yeah! It's them
two. Oh, sick. Yeah.

Lean back. Huh? Lean back.

Oh, that's lovely, that is. Cheers,
mate. It's all right.

See that?

And what are you doing here?

So these are designs for Angel's
christening T-shirt.

And it's just so everyone can have a
sort of memento from the day.

Oh.

Like, I did GCSE Art, so, yeah, just
using some of the skills

and techniques
I picked up from then.

This is just a sketch, though.
It'll look a lot better

when a professional's done it.

'been there, done that
and now I'm printing the T-shirt.'

Designer T-shirt...printing!

The first lady of Kurupt FM enters.

All right. How you doing?

All right, yeah.
Thanks so much for this.

Yeah, no, I've actually got my own
printing machine.

Pretty? Printing machine, so...

Pretty? Er, printing. Printing
machine.

Machine to... Oh, right, yeah!
No, printing machine.

Yeah, 'course. Exactly, yeah.

I got it off Uncle Bobby. Yeah, he
told me that it's like a 3D printer,

but 2D, so you actually save on
energy. It's so big!

That's what they all bloody say.

Yeah, when it comes to fashion,
I'm always one step ahead.

Sometimes, people look at me
strangely

and they're like, what's he
wearing?

These are actually women's boots.

I like the heel on them, I like the
texture of them.

They're very er...silky smooth,
easy clean.

The jacket is real halal
lambskin leather,

blessed by the guy at the mosque.

OK, so I've sketched out
a sort of family portrait. Mm-hm.

Obviously, this is rough, so the
final product will need to be

sort of more classy, but with
that sort of essence of heaven.

Like, does that sound OK?

Erm... Yeah, definitely. Listen,
I can handle anything, you know.

Yeah. I'm a self-made guy, you know.
Yeah.

I came here in '93 with nothing
but £5 and my brother's passport...

MY passport.

Definitely my passport.

Shout out Steve's in action, too.
I see ya.

# What's that?
Yeah, she's loving it.

# I said up and down,
she's rubbing it,

# To be fair, she's loving it. #

She always bloody does, to be fair.

Do you know what I mean?
They always do, mate!

So what makes a good godfather?

Oi, a good godfather is
someone that is...

that listens. Listens. Yeah?

Erm...is loyal. Loyal.

Erm...looks out for people.
For people.

Er, keeps themselves to themselves.
To themselves.

You're talking over me. Sorry.

That's minus one in the godfather
chart, mate.

Oh!

POLICE SIRENS WAIL

See that, Decoy, mate?

Yeah, that's fine.

ENGINE STARTS

'To be honest, like,

'the whole Godfather thing, like, it
don't really bother me.

Like, I'm always there for them,
innit, so if they ever need me,

then I'm there, either way.

ANGEL LAUGHS

Pfff... That's a bit of a weird
question to be honest, like...

I'm just there, innit.
They're like...family.

Right, so this is just mine
and Angel's dance routine,

obviously in the early stages,
but, we'll just show you

where we've got to so far...

DANCE MUSIC STARTS

And one, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight.

MUSIC: Play Hard
by David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo and Akon

Remember tits and teeth.

Decoy, stand back a bit.

MUSIC CONTINUES

Right, so I've toned down
the dance routine.

We don't need a dance routine. Yeah,
yeah. No, sure. Absolutely, yeah.

We can just see how it goes on the
day. If there's time.

Cos we're ready either way, aren't
we, Ange?

And round. Shimmy down.

Can we just try and keep it simple?
Lasso, lasso.

No, Miche. Stop going over the top
with everything. Do you remember

the gun fingers I taught you on your
birthday last year?

Don't confuse her, she's got to
remember the christening routine.

No, she doesn't!
Angel, don't do a routine!

GRINDAH SIGHS

Right, so I've sorted the T-shirts.
Er, what else, what else?

Ooh! Do you want to see her
christening dress?

Angel, are you looking forward to
getting Christianed? Yep.

throughout your tiny life.
Yeah?

Ooh, ideally, though, I suppose
he needs to be somebody

that has experience of actually
being a legal guardian.

Innit?

She agreed. Angel agreed with me!

Isn't that a bit much?

No, cos this way, you know, she
could always re-use it

later on in life. I got a couple of
sizes bigger so, you know,

maybe within the next sort of 18
months, two years,

she could use it as like a
bridesmaid's dress,

if she was ever a bridesmaid. Well,
no, cos we don't know anyone

Oh!

DECOY GROANS

This brings me back.

Hit me, Angel!

DECOY GROANS

Hit me! Hit me!

Hit me! Angel, hit me!

Oh! We're having a great time.
We're having a great time!

'Yeah, I do think Kevin
would make a good godfather.

'I mean, you know, he's got a lot of
things going for him.'

Kids love him, he's a lot of fun.

You know, he can be a right
old laugh,

cos he's really on their level,
mentally.

Right, now you're both dead!

'but I think that's cos she sees
more of him.'

Er...you know.

RUSTLING

Put that on there. OK.

MUSIC PLAYS

And down...

we go.

PHONE RINGS

Yes.

Hello? Aldona?

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

Yeah, all right. I'll
come round later.

Yeah, come and get it later, man.

It's bloody Abdi, innit. He forgot
his scarf, I thought it was Aldona!

HE GRUNTS

So where is Aldona?

Oh, you know, she's very
spontaneous. Sometimes she'll just

kind of head out for a couple
of months and she'll come back

with, you know, my credit card,
hopefully, this time, Aldona!

You know, she's like a bloody sexy,
slutty Frisbee.

You know, I'll throw her away
sometimes,

she'll always come back, mate.

It's all banter, you know.

Banter, banter.

No, please come back, Aldona.

I feel like it has to be
Beats, surely?

Cos, you know, I think he'd be
really good,

like, caring and thoughtful.

Well, we still got Decoy in the
running.

I just think it feels a bit weird,
you know,

Decoy being the godfather.

Why would it be weird? Oh, I dunno.

It just doesn't seem... Oh, Miche,
come on! Get with the times.

It's the 21st century, all right?

Skin colour does not matter any
more. Oh, my God! No, no.

I'm not saying that. I'm just
saying, you know,

he's around a lot already.
Which is good. So maybe it's good...

KNOCK ON DOOR

..to get someone else. Oh, my God,
Chapatti's here!

Hello.

Special delivery for Lady Miche.

Can I have a look? You may.

Killed it.

Smashed it.

Oh, my God. Chapatti...

I think I hate them.

SHE SOBS

This is ruined!

What the fuck's she going on about?
Miche! I don't know, mate.

Tell him to fuck off! It glitters.

Fucking hell, mate. Classy. Jesus!

I'm not having her crying all
through

my godfather announcement,
all right?

Right, we need to think of summat.

GRINDAH CLICKS
Here's what we're going to do. OK.

You bosh out some T-shirts. Mm.
Something simple.

Just like a picture of Angel
and the date.

Yeah? OK, cool.

So what are you going to do then?
What d'you mean?

Nah, I mean, when you were saying
the list of things to do,

I thought you were going to say,
"And I'll do this and that".

Mate, I've got a very important,
life-changing decision

to make, yeah, about my daughter,
who's getting Christianed.

Delegation. Know what I mean?

HE WHISPERS: For fuck's sake, how do
you get this on?

Miche?

Miche?

SHE CRIES

Miche? Go away!

I need help with my tie, I can't
clip it on.

Are you big into your religion?

Nah, we're not really
religious sort of people.

I'd say, personally, if I was to
choose one I related to,

Yeah, yeah. They do their own sort
of tip, where they all go

into, like, a mountain in Jamaica

and just all sit in a massive tent,

relaxing and blazing all night.
Yeah.

CAMERA CLICKS

That's nice.

Thank you.

I thought the pink looks quite nice,
doesn't it,

with the brown of the cross?

CAMERA CLICKS

and she starts banging on about
marriage constantly, like...

I don't see why she'd want me
and her to be related.

If anything, I think that would put
me off

wanting to do anything with her.

It's basically incest, innit?

So do you do any sort of loyalty
discounts here then?

You mean for other events?

Yeah, like weddings or... Oh.
Do you do a lot of weddings here?

Well, weddings are a slightly
different case, because,

for a wedding, you have to be a
member of the congregation. Yeah.

See the mic situation?

Is it wireless based or is it...?

We don't have mics, sorry. No mics?

No. Bit weird. No worries,
I've got my own,

but erm... cool. Oh, right, OK.

Ooh, just so you know, your friend
is down there. Yeah.

I think he's been here all night.

MUTTERING: Oh, fuck's sake.

Steves! Steves! Wake up, you mess!

I got your text message.

GRINDAH SIGHS

Did I miss the cremation?

Nah, you got a good
20 minutes left.

Sorry, can I help you?

Ye... Ah! You have got a...a mic.

This is going to be a big service.
How do you...? I don't...

Pop that in there for me, please
mate. Go on.

Well, OK. Come on, that's the way.

What else? Whoa!

We're going to have to get this
removed.

Is there anything
I can be sick into?

Cheers, man. It's all right, mate.
We'll wash it.

That's not going to be enough,
actually. Is there a bigger one?

'Nah, I wouldn't say I got
a drug problem.

'I think I've got the opposite of
a drug problem,'

to be honest, like, I've got no
problem with drugs whatsoever.

I'll try anything.

We gather in the front. Yeah, yeah.
You've got everyone sitting there.

I'll probably pop
you off to the side there.

I'm by the font,
normally. Just by the font. Yeah.

Yeah. No, that's good.
Good, good, good, good, good. OK.

There it is.

Going to get Christianed in there.

You see in there, yeah? That's where
you're going to meet God!

Not if you don't make it down the
stairs in them heels, Carol.

No, don't laugh.

CAROL LAUGHS

I don't know how you do it.

Just wiggle it, come here.
Let me look at you, darling.

Ah, that's nice.

Here she is, look at her, Princess!
Ah! Can we go in?

Your shirt's untucked. What are you
doing?

Grindah, you see that? What?

Just tucked Craig's shirt in,

standard parent-guardian
sort of sh... We have to go, mate.

You've got a bit of glitter on your
cheek. What?

Bit of glitter. Bit of glitter.

What? Yeah! I've got a thong on.
Just looking.

Hello. Hello.

Mum, this is the vicar.
Hello, darling.

Hello, nice to meet you.
And this is Angel.

All right? Lovely to meet you. You
too. Angel, say hello to the vicar.

Don't you look lovely. Say hello.

I'll come and speak to you.
All right.

Hello. Welcome, welcome.

Don't you look lovely?
Yeah, she does, doesn't she?

Yeah, like a little angel.

GUESTS CHAT

Easy. Easy. You just come straight
from the rave?

Yeah. Do you still feel fucked?

GRINDAH CLICKS FINGERS
Mic's not working. Come on.

Try it. Try it. It's not working.

I've had face paint all over my
face, when I got here.

Lucky there was little sink thing
on the way in to wash your face.

Mate, that's holy water.

What happens
if you get it on your face?

Makes you religious or something.

HE SIGHS

I didn't mean to be religious.

Hope they've got them ready, to be
honest, mate, you know? Cos...

I haven't got time, mate.
I've been up all night, you know.

I'm not in the mood, mate, you know.

All right, geezer. I'm here to
pick up my T-shirts,

I've got a receipt for you. Yeah.

Nice bit of kit you've got there,
actually, mate.

Is it a smooth mechanism on
that, yeah? Yeah, it's OK. Yeah.

Do you make some decent profit
off that?

What kind of money you making,
net profit? What kind of margins?

I'm not sure. Cash flow?

That's £225, please.

225 quid!

I'm sorry for your loss, by the way.
Huh?

No, it's fine, mate.
It's not a problem.

It's very reasonable anyway.

You've got to lose some to
gain some, you know?

Do your pout.

CAMERA CLICKS

Perfect! Stunning. Right.

Miche? Miche?

What?

HE WHISTLES

What's he want? I don't know. Can
you watch my bag? Yeah, 'course.

HE WHISPERS: Come, come on.

Easy!

How you doing, Selecta? You all
right, yeah? Yeah.

Angel? Yeah, looks nice.

Angel?

Angel?

THEY TALK

Angel? Angel?

Oh, my God! Yeah! Do you like it?

What, you got him to re-do the
T-shirts? Yeah.

That's so romantic! It wasn't
romantic, it's just normal.

That just shows how committed
you are to me, doesn't it?

Not really. Just needed them done,
so don't...

Thank you. Do you like it, yeah?

Ta-da!

Oh, my God. They are stunning!

Oh, thank you so much!
You're welcome.

No worries. No worries. Oh, my God.

Craigy boy! Have a look.

One for you, mate.

It looks like she's died!

Oh, man, that T-shirt!

Like she was, you know...

we were at a wake or something.

It was really funny.

Oh!

Stevie...t-shirt.

Sorry. Jesus' eyes were watching me.

No, Miche, it ain't going to go
over. No, I can tell.

It's going to squish my do.
Put it on, Beats, mate.

Put it on, mate. Come on! Take your
top off. Take your top off.

Yeah.

MICHE WHISPERS: All right, shall we
go up?

Angel. Will you take pictures?
You can take some pictures.

Do you know...? Just go up there.

Just go like that.

Angel, do you wish to be baptised?

Say yes, Angel, yeah?

Yes. Yes?
Well done.

Let us pray. Hands together,
everybody! Or not, is it?

Here, we are washed by the Holy
Spirit and made clean.

Here, we are clothed with Christ,

dying to sin that we may
live his risen life.

Decoy.

VICAR SPEAKS

Shall I take Angel for a bit? If you
want, mate. Yeah.

Come on! Come to Uncle Beats!

You got her? Yeah, come on.

You give to your faithful people new
life in the water of baptism.

Angel. All right.

VICAR TALKS

Just stand closer to me
than Uncle Decoy, yeah?

..may serve you in faith and love
and grow...

Is that your family over there? Mm.
It's a bit weird, innit?

"Ooh, I'm Decoy. I bring my family
with me.

"I want to be Godfather."

..Amen. Pathetic.

And now we come to the responses.

Do you reject the devil and all
rebellion against God?

Everyone? Yes! I reject them.

The responses are on the sheet.
Oh, there's a sheet. "I reject
them."

I reject them.

Do you renounce the deceit
and corruption of evil?

Yeah, I do. Yes, renounce them.
I renounce them.

Do you turn to Christ as saviour?

Yeah. I turn to Christ.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

Do you submit to Christ, our lord?

ALL: I submit to Christ, our lord.

CAMERA CLICKS

Christ claims you for his own.

Receive the sign of his cross...

GRINDAH CHUCKLES
It's like, yeah, I was thinking,

the power of Christ compels you!
Yes, all right, thank you.

Ah, that's from Exorcist, innit?

Yeah!

About the girl's mum noshing people
off in hell! Yeah, I love that!

If the father would like to
step forward, please.

No worries, mate.
I'll take over from here.

Pass me the mic, please, mate.
Yeah, sure.

Angel, if you just stand there.

Right...welcome, people.

As you all know, I've had
the important decision

of who will be the godfather.
Very important. Exactly.

what it is they actually do.

To be honest, I didn't end up
watching it all, cos it's quite
long.

But the point is, I learnt that it
is more than just some little name

given to you by some
silly little John in a church. Yeah?

It's about loyalty. Yeah.

It's about respect.

It's about being
the head of a crime family.

Which is something we know a little
bit about, isn't it? Yep.

So, for that reason,

I feel there is no-one better
for the role of godfather...

than...

me! MC Grindah!

I now declare myself godfather!

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

Good, good.

We should have actually all
had maybe a little drinks

for this bit, like a toast.

The best man won in the end
of the day, innit.

Good job, mate.
Yeah, same to you, mate.

VICAR TALKS TO ANGEL

..and come to the inheritance
of the saints in glory, amen.

You're Christianed!

Thanks, thank you, everybody.
Amen! Amen!

Come on then, let's go. Let's go and
eat buffet.

Thank you, everybody.
Great ceremony, innit?

Yeah, it was really good, man.
Craig?

Come on, come with Mum.

GUESTS TALK

Went well.

if she had some next John just
always there, like, she'd be like,

"Who's that?" She's got Daddy there,
do you know what I mean?

a.k.a The Godfather, like!

Steves! It's time to go.

What you doing?

No, just...just talking to Jesus.

What you saying to him?

Just apologising, cos...

I'm a bit worried that he's put
a curse on me.

You're just on a come-down, man.

Come on, we'll get back to Grindah's
and we'll sort all this out.

Bye, Jesus.

Going church is definitely one
of the most...

like, intense things you can
do on a come-down, really.

Oh, wait a second.

'But I just try and avoid
comedowns as much as possible.'

MUSIC: Party Hard by Bob Bradley

ANGEL: # Getting down
to the old school... #

Go on, give it a go, Craig.

MICHE SIGHS

I just think - listen to me, Miche -
I just think

Decoy would be a better choice,
that's all.

It doesn't really matter, cos all
that matters

is that Angel's going to go heaven.

And he's the perfect man,
that's what I think.

Oh, whatever, Mum. Nobody's perfect.

If he ain't, he'll fucking do till
Mr Perfect turns up.

Cheers, darling.
I would smash him into next week.

Mum! I would! I don't care!

He'd wake up and be like ,
"Ooh, what day is it?"

And I'd be like,
"It's next week, darling!" Oh!

SHE LAUGHS

KARAOKE MUSIC

ANGEL SINGS

Beats! Decoy! Ready for you, mate!

Ah, I got to go do this Jah ceremony
to help Steves with his come-down.

Is that....? Yeah. Sweet.

Take a seat there.

Yeah! Yeah!
Miche! Miche!

Huh?

How about Angel? I have got it
all ready.

Nah, I think just do her
when she's older. Sure?

Cos we have hotboxed her room
out, so we are good to go,

so just letting you know.

All right, sweet!

But no. Probably not.

'Miche is lovely and I reckon she's
doing her best, but, you know...

'with an absolute
twat in the house,'

how can...how can he be a good
father?

Well done.
ALL: Yay!

Oh, Princess, look at you. Who wants
cake? Yeah. Do you want cake?

Yeah, I'll have some.

Happy christening! What
sort of portion control do you...?

Mm!

Steves, this is for you mate,
all right?

We'll get you back, keep toking it.

# If it wasn't for the girl you're
holding tight

# If it wasn't for the girl you're
holding tonight...#

I watched this documentary once,

where they all just go into a hill
in Jamaica

in a fucking big tent and just chill
and blaze, do you know what I mean?

And that's how you cleanse yourself.

With the power of Jah Rastafari!

What is Rastafarianism?

..with a geezer called Bob Marley
and...

he just blazed a lot, made some of
the best music in the world.

Boom, there you go. The rastas was
born.

MUSIC: Play Hard by David Guetta
ft. Ne-Yo and Akon

Ugh! I can feel it now.

I can feel the curse being lifted.

Five, six, seven, eight.
Go on, then!

One, two.

Go on, Ange! Oh, yeah!

Oh, I love it! I love it!

Ooh. Whoo!

Agh!

# Got a gang of cash and it's going
all on the bar

# And it's going fast cos I feel
like a superstar... #

MUSIC CONTINUES

Easy. Just exorcised Steves'
come-down.

Jesus has been defeated!

# The only thing we know how to do

# Said it's the only thing we know
how to do

# Work hard, play hard

# Work hard, play hard
We work hard, play hard... #

That's it. Spin her, spin her!

# Keep partying like it's your job
Work hard, play hard... #

Now you spin me. Oh, my goodness!

# Work hard, play hard. #
We work hard... #

Spin mummy, Ange. Spin Mummy.

# Keep partying like it's
your job... #

'Yeah, I made the right decision
with the whole godfather thing.

'I mean, at the end of the day,'

you don't send a boy in to do
a man's job, do ya?

Yeah, but you know that I'll always
be there for you anyway, so...

'Nah, I checked it out and there's
not actually that much to it.

'It's just good to get her done,
know what I mean?

'Yeah, set her up for life and that.

'Exactly. Cos, like...'

if she does end up going
down a darker path or whatever,

like...becoming a brass or a
murderer or whatever,

then I know she'll always go heaven.

Yeah. Straight into the VIP.