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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:02,690 --> 00:00:05,049 ♪ This little light of mine ♪ 2 00:00:05,050 --> 00:00:07,119 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪ 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,790 ♪ Let it shine, let it shine ♪ 4 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,480 ♪ Let it shine ♪ 5 00:00:13,270 --> 00:00:15,960 ♪ Everywhere I go ♪ 6 00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:18,359 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪ 7 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,099 ♪ Everywhere I go ♪ 8 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:22,510 ♪ I'm gonna let it shine... ♪ 9 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,739 Well, I am happy to report that my potato salad 10 00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:28,509 is once again the hit of the potluck. 11 00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:30,180 - That's great, honey. - I feel bad 12 00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:31,409 for Pam Staples. 13 00:00:31,410 --> 00:00:34,209 No one's touching her potato salad. 14 00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:37,149 If you feel bad, then why are you smiling? 15 00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:40,089 'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite. 16 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,989 Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today? 17 00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,859 - Pastor Jeff. - Thank you, Pastor Jeff. 18 00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:46,559 Y'all remember my wife Selena. 19 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:47,859 - Hi, Selena. - Oh, yeah. 20 00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,149 ¿Qué tal? 21 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,460 You're married to her? 22 00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:52,430 Why, yes, I am. 23 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,719 You can think it... You don't need to say it. 24 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,839 How are you liking Medford, Selena? 25 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,570 ¿Cómo te gusta Medford? 26 00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:03,179 _ 27 00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:04,770 She likes it fine. 28 00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:05,840 Oh. 29 00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:07,379 _ 30 00:01:07,380 --> 00:01:10,349 She needs to use the little girls' room. 31 00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,450 Mary, could I talk to you for a second? 32 00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,689 Sure. 33 00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:15,959 Don't worry. I'll bring her right back. 34 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,829 Wasn't worried, but okay. 35 00:01:17,830 --> 00:01:19,759 Okay. 36 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,730 His Spanish is terrible. 37 00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:23,399 That's not what she said at all. 38 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,499 Oh. 39 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,999 I don't know if you've heard, 40 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,349 but our church secretary, 41 00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:30,600 Elizabeth Sohinki, is currently seeking treatment 42 00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:32,909 for a little problem with... shall we say... 43 00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:34,709 Under-the-counter medications. 44 00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:36,779 Oh. So that rumor's true. 45 00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:37,949 - Mm-hmm. - Well, she did 46 00:01:37,950 --> 00:01:39,869 always seem extremely alert. 47 00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:41,919 Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway, 48 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,289 we need someone to step in and fill the position. 49 00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:46,390 I was wondering if you might consider it. 50 00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:49,289 It's not just bookkeeping. 51 00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:52,349 I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues... you know, 52 00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:54,219 plumbing, electric, what have you. 53 00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:57,520 And I'd also head the planning committee 54 00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:58,950 for all the social events, 55 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,929 which, of course, includes the big three: 56 00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:02,709 baptisms, weddings, funerals. 57 00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:06,009 And here is the cherry on top. 58 00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:09,779 The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings... 59 00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:11,609 "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"? 60 00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:12,849 Exactly. 61 00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:15,120 Guess whose job it would be to write those. 62 00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:16,549 Yours. 63 00:02:16,550 --> 00:02:18,589 Already working on a couple. 64 00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:20,019 Listen to this. 65 00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:26,580 "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1." 66 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,100 What? 67 00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:32,530 You know, be one. 68 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:33,899 Like be a Christian. 69 00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:36,220 And also B1 the vitamin. 70 00:02:36,230 --> 00:02:38,669 Well, now that you explained it, it's funny. 71 00:02:38,670 --> 00:02:40,420 Yeah. Might be a thinker. 72 00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:43,190 But there's a lot more where that came from. 73 00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:46,210 What about the twins? 74 00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:48,879 Well, I'll still get 'em off to school every day. 75 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,660 And when they get home, 76 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,419 Mom can keep an eye on 'em till I get back. 77 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:54,809 Think she'll go for it? 78 00:02:54,810 --> 00:02:57,209 Are you kidding? She loves 'em like crazy. 79 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,589 Fat chance. 80 00:02:58,590 --> 00:02:59,929 Oh, come on. 81 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:03,399 You come on. I'm in the prime of my life. 82 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,350 I got my water aerobics and my salsa dancing 83 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,020 and my bowling league. 84 00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:09,839 But you love your grandchildren. 85 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,370 I love ice cream, too, but I don't want to eat it 86 00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:14,569 from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week. 87 00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:16,419 Well, I'm very disappointed. 88 00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:17,919 And I'm fine with that. 89 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,550 Why don't you just get a babysitter? 90 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,139 Kinda defeats the purpose of making extra money. 91 00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:23,050 Oh, yeah, right. 92 00:03:23,051 --> 00:03:24,630 All right, let's think about it. 93 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,039 Georgie. 94 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,239 Football practice. 95 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,289 - And I don't trust him when I'm home. - Oh. 96 00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:32,119 Okay, now, what are we talking about here? 97 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,859 Sheldon is intelligent and responsible, 98 00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:39,730 and Missy... is his sister. 99 00:03:39,740 --> 00:03:41,569 I think they'll be fine home alone 100 00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:44,000 all by themselves for a couple hours after school. 101 00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:45,989 - You think? - I do. 102 00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:48,509 As a matter of fact, I actually think it'll be great for them. 103 00:03:48,510 --> 00:03:50,240 These kids today are so coddled, 104 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,249 I honestly think y'all are raising 105 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,849 a whole generation of sissies. 106 00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:57,789 Is that the way you speak about your grandchildren? 107 00:03:57,790 --> 00:03:59,500 Yes. 108 00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:19,139 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 109 00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:23,549 Hi. 110 00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:25,349 How'd it go with your mom? 111 00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,279 She's not interested in watching 'em. 112 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,219 Doesn't want to give up her afternoons. 113 00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,370 Of course. Sorry. 114 00:04:33,890 --> 00:04:35,789 You know what, it's okay. 115 00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,069 The timing wasn't right. 116 00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,209 Maybe when the kids are older. 117 00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:41,940 Okay. 118 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,240 I guess I'll go get dinner started. 119 00:04:57,550 --> 00:04:58,849 How about this? 120 00:04:58,850 --> 00:05:01,279 Go ahead and take the job. 121 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,749 Yeah, if it turns out 122 00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,419 Sheldon and Missy can't look out for themselves 123 00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:06,269 for a couple hours after school, 124 00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:09,689 then... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 125 00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:10,820 Are you sure about this? 126 00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:12,730 Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em. 127 00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:14,829 Teach 'em a little responsibility. 128 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:17,229 That's exactly what my mom said. 129 00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:18,969 Really? 130 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,599 Well, I still like the idea. 131 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,000 Mmm. 132 00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:27,370 Thank you, God, for this food 133 00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:29,140 we're about to receive, and for the nourishment 134 00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:31,679 of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. 135 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,449 Amen. 136 00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:35,849 So, kids, 137 00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:38,349 we have a little family business to discuss. 138 00:05:38,350 --> 00:05:39,950 - You're pregnant? - No. 139 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:40,980 We're getting a puppy? 140 00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:41,980 No. 141 00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:44,059 I'm not sure I care. 142 00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:46,859 Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take 143 00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:49,080 a full-time job at the church. 144 00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:51,629 Well, who's going to take care of us? 145 00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:54,269 Well, nothing will change in the morning... I'll make breakfast, 146 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,300 take you both to school. Then, after school, 147 00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:58,620 you'll come home, do your homework, 148 00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,209 watch TV, play with your toys 149 00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,319 till I come home around 6:00. 150 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,519 Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us? 151 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,079 - 'Cause she's not the person you think she is. - George... 152 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,049 You're really gonna leave these two alone? 153 00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:10,340 Yes. 154 00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,520 That's a brave choice. 155 00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,689 Look, this job is important to your mother. 156 00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:17,120 We expect you both to step up and be responsible. 157 00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:18,889 I can do that. 158 00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:20,619 Missy? 159 00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:22,629 I'm thinking about it. 160 00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:25,260 Very brave. 161 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,579 _ 162 00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:36,030 Okay, let's go over it one more time. 163 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,430 House key's under the plastic owl by the front door. 164 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,369 There's after-school snacks in the fridge. 165 00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,400 One for each of you. 166 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,409 Emergency numbers are right there by the phone. 167 00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:50,509 First aid kit is in the hall closet. 168 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:53,019 And you won't be needing it, 169 00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:56,749 but under the kitchen sink is a fire extinguisher. 170 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,419 Ooh, that looks fun. 171 00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:01,859 For fires only, and don't be starting one just to use it. 172 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:04,859 It's like she can read my mind. 173 00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:06,329 Don't worry, Mom. 174 00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:07,829 We'll make you proud. 175 00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,269 I know you will, baby. 176 00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:11,199 All set for your first day? 177 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,819 - I believe I am. - Mm. 178 00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:13,999 - Mwah. - Mwah. 179 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,069 Go get 'em. 180 00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:17,339 Thanks for waking me up. 181 00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,679 I woke you up 40 minutes ago. 182 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,939 Well, you didn't do a very good job. 183 00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:24,250 Bye, y'all. 184 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,890 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 185 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,500 Okay, later. 186 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,699 Sorry to bother you, Peg, is Pastor Jeff available? 187 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,469 Jeff! You available?! 188 00:07:42,470 --> 00:07:43,699 On the phone. 189 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,600 He's on the phone. 190 00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:59,579 You know, my mother's had some luck cutting back on the smoking 191 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,369 by chewing that nicotine gum. 192 00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:04,489 Got some right here. 193 00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:05,850 So you do. 194 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:06,989 Come on in. 195 00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:08,450 Go on, you heard him. 196 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,929 Thank you. 197 00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:13,359 Hey, hey. 198 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,660 Hey, Mare. 199 00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:17,399 Uh, you finding everything you need? 200 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,830 Oh, you bet. 201 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,700 So, I've been going over the books, 202 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,279 and I think we have enough money in our budget 203 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,479 to purchase a personal computer 204 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,739 to handle all the church business. 205 00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:30,889 Okay. 206 00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:32,939 Well, uh, why don't you leave the paperwork here, 207 00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:34,139 and I'll-I'll take a look at it. 208 00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:35,229 Of course. 209 00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:36,789 That's for your perusal. 210 00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:42,089 Everything okay? 211 00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:43,450 What? 212 00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,629 Yeah. Right as rain. 213 00:08:45,630 --> 00:08:46,799 All righty. 214 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,929 Hey, if you have a minute, 215 00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:51,869 I would love to talk to you about the sign out front. 216 00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:54,070 Yeah, sure. 217 00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:07,910 So far so good. 218 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,709 Hello? 219 00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:31,910 Anybody? 220 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,340 They weren't kidding. 221 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,950 Maybe I'll just have one little peek. 222 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,510 How come you're not eating your snack? 223 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,459 I prefer my snack to be a reward for homework well done. 224 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,799 You're like an old person. 225 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,310 Thank you. 226 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:07,940 What's your homework? 227 00:10:07,950 --> 00:10:09,460 Non-Euclidean geometry. 228 00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:10,629 How about you? 229 00:10:10,630 --> 00:10:12,999 "Symonyms." 230 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,800 You mean synonyms. 231 00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:17,290 I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms." 232 00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:21,399 Did you see that? 233 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,080 Someone's out there. 234 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:27,050 Oh, no. They're in the backyard. 235 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,660 What do we do? 236 00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:32,230 Aah! 237 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,800 Would one of you please get me a towel? 238 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,069 Why were you sneaking around out there? 239 00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:58,669 Yeah, you scared us. 240 00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:01,009 I was checking up on you two. 241 00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:04,009 And in case you're wondering, you scared me back. 242 00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,779 Well, why didn't you knock? 243 00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:09,379 Because you two are supposed to be doing this on your own. 244 00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:11,110 And you don't think we can. 245 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,180 Of course I do. 246 00:11:12,190 --> 00:11:13,719 I'm the one who told your mother 247 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,950 that you were fine by yourselves in the first place. 248 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,289 Then why were you checking up on us? 249 00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,289 That's called being two-faced. 250 00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:21,809 We'll be okay on our own. 251 00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:24,179 Yeah, we need to prove we can do this. 252 00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:26,129 All right. 253 00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:28,269 I respect that. 254 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:32,639 And I'm happy to keep this little incident a secret. 255 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,459 Really? I'm telling everyone. 256 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,529 It was hilarious. 257 00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,669 I'm going bowling. 258 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:46,119 When we first started dating, everything was wonderful. 259 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,859 That's when it is wonderful. 260 00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:50,059 All the problems started once we got married. 261 00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:52,789 Well, marriage will do that to a relationship. 262 00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:54,620 I-I got Selena a credit card 263 00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,580 to make small purchases for the house. 264 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:59,689 You know... coffee maker, DustBuster. 265 00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,110 You know what she did? 266 00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:03,089 She went to that Sharper Image store 267 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,860 and she bought a massage chair. 268 00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:07,200 Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall. 269 00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:08,170 It was terrific. 270 00:12:08,171 --> 00:12:09,500 It's $2,000. 271 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,909 Oh. Well, seeing as I know how much you make, 272 00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:14,309 you can't afford that. 273 00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:16,810 I... uh-uh. 274 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,819 Of all the afflictions 275 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:22,490 that can befall a child, one reigns supreme. 276 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,519 Beyond scraped knees and paper cuts, 277 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,859 nothing strikes fear into the hearts of kids around the world 278 00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,720 like a splinter. 279 00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:36,599 No! 280 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,600 Tell me why you were pretending to have amnesia. 281 00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,309 I've got a splinter! 282 00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:42,819 So? 283 00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,070 So, it's an emergency! 284 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,179 Call Meemaw! 285 00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,239 Oh, calm down. 286 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,879 - We can take care of this. - No, we can't! 287 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,899 Sheldon, if we can't handle a little splinter, 288 00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,200 they're never gonna leave us alone again. 289 00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,820 You're right. 290 00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:57,189 So, what do we do? 291 00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,700 Let me see it. 292 00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:04,379 Oh, boy. That's a deep one. 293 00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,789 Hey, it's throbbing really bad. 294 00:13:06,790 --> 00:13:08,630 Mom would take it out with tweezers. 295 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,799 Well, where would we find tweezers? 296 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,500 Let's see what we got. 297 00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:13,859 Band-Aids... 298 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,570 cotton balls. 299 00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:17,689 What's "gowz"? 300 00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:19,959 It's gauze, and the fact that you don't know that 301 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,650 is not filling me with hope. 302 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,280 Where would Mom keep the tweezers? 303 00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:27,819 - Sometimes she uses a needle on splinters. - No. 304 00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:30,419 No needles. Anything but needles. 305 00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:33,259 Wait, she has tweezers in her makeup bag. 306 00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:35,059 She plucks her eyebrows with them. 307 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:37,640 And sometimes her mustache. 308 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:44,869 Anything? 309 00:13:44,870 --> 00:13:46,069 Nope. 310 00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,709 Wait. 311 00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,309 Maybe they're in her room. 312 00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:51,779 We're not allowed to go in Mom and Dad's room. 313 00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:54,310 Want me to get the needle? 314 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,429 Let's make this quick. 315 00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:00,080 Why are you whispering? 316 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,519 That's how people speak when they're being naughty. 317 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,170 I wouldn't know. I'm naughty all the time. 318 00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,299 You're really not coming in? 319 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,420 No. But you're doing great. 320 00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,679 What's wrong? 321 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,709 This really is naughty. 322 00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:28,550 I told you. 323 00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:34,519 I don't see anything. 324 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,329 There's just a Bible and a flashlight. 325 00:14:38,730 --> 00:14:39,989 What do I do? 326 00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:42,250 Answer it but sound calm. 327 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:46,929 Hello. 328 00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:48,069 Hey, it's Dad. 329 00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:49,169 How you guys doing? 330 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:50,369 We're great. 331 00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:51,869 Glad to hear it. 332 00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:53,329 I'm watching TV, 333 00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:55,279 and Sheldon's reading quietly. 334 00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:57,539 I knew you could handle this. 335 00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,340 - I'm proud of you. - You know what? 336 00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:00,909 I'm proud of us, too. 337 00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,649 Uh... Okay, baby doll, 338 00:15:02,650 --> 00:15:03,949 I'll be home in a couple hours. 339 00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:05,980 Stay out all night. We got this. 340 00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,519 Wha... Love you, too. 341 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,660 That was intense. 342 00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:15,429 I don't think I'm cut out for this latchkey life. 343 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,760 You answer it this time. 344 00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:21,099 I can't, I'm supposed to be reading quietly. 345 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,530 Answer it, Sheldon. 346 00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:25,299 Well, I'm not going in there. 347 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,679 Hello. Cooper residence. 348 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,139 Sheldon speaking. 349 00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:30,509 Hey, Shelly. 350 00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:31,679 Oh, hello, Mom. 351 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,480 How's your day going? 352 00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:42,650 Shelly? Shelly? You there? 353 00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:44,619 Yes, I'm here. 354 00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:46,520 She wants to know how my day's going. 355 00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:47,689 Say it's going good. 356 00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:48,729 I can't say that. 357 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,540 Why not? 358 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,460 It's bad grammar. 359 00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:51,709 How are you supposed to say it? 360 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,060 "It's going well." 361 00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:54,520 Oh, that's nice. 362 00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:56,379 I've got to get back to work, 363 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:59,739 but I love you and miss you very much. 364 00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,469 Okay. 365 00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:04,530 I handled that really well. 366 00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:08,749 Got a minute? 367 00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,710 Sure, come on in. 368 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,140 I just wanted to apologize. 369 00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:16,529 I-It was wrong of me to unload my personal business on you. 370 00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,219 Here it is, your first day and all. 371 00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:19,259 Oh, that's fine. 372 00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,720 Always happy to lend an ear. 373 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,859 Great, 'cause I didn't tell you everything. 374 00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:25,309 Really? 'Cause you told me a lot. 375 00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,329 This morning, while Selena was in the shower, 376 00:16:27,330 --> 00:16:29,730 I went through her purse and I took the credit card. 377 00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:31,499 - Oh, my. - Now, 378 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,589 do you think that's stealing, or is it doing the right thing? 379 00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,309 You know, saving us from bankruptcy and whatnot? 380 00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:41,109 Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated. 381 00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:44,689 Um... going through her purse... Probably wrong, 382 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:47,149 but on the other hand... 383 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,589 well, there is no other hand. 384 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,199 You can't be doing things like that 385 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,689 and have a healthy marriage. 386 00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:53,089 Why don't you just talk to her? 387 00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:55,059 Explain your financial situation? 388 00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,650 That... 389 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:01,069 Oh, we're closing the door now, okay. 390 00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:04,239 That's not so easy. 391 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,500 Because of the language barrier? 392 00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:09,470 That, and I implied, when we were dating, 393 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,679 that I was... well-to-do. 394 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,810 Oh, Pastor Jeff, why would you do that? 395 00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:17,179 You saw her. 396 00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,639 Uh, she is the kind of woman 397 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,589 that can make a man do bad things. 398 00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:26,450 Well, I... I don't know what to say to that. 399 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,890 Maybe you ought to pray on it. 400 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,529 You're right. 401 00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:34,299 You're absolutely right. 402 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,469 I'll do that now. 403 00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:36,730 I'll do the same. 404 00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:37,899 Thank you. 405 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,649 God, please give me the strength 406 00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,649 to not spread this juicy gossip about Pastor Jeff. 407 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,049 Amen. 408 00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:53,549 What are you doing? 409 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:57,050 I'm reading quietly, so I don't have to lie about it later. 410 00:17:58,590 --> 00:17:59,789 Found 'em. 411 00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:01,319 The tweezers? 412 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,659 Mom's needles and her magnifying glass. 413 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,199 Absolutely not. 414 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,860 Let me at least try. 415 00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:07,680 No. 416 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,469 You're being a baby. 417 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,869 Nothing you can say will change my mind. 418 00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:13,770 What if it gets infected and turns green 419 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,390 and they have to cut it off? 420 00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,249 I think it's numb. 421 00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:20,780 Great, put your hand out. 422 00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:26,019 Wait, how do you plan on sterilizing the needle? 423 00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:28,289 Mom uses a lit match. 424 00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:30,319 We're not allowed to play with matches. 425 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,719 What else would work? 426 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,620 Alcohol. 427 00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:43,729 Stick your finger in there. 428 00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:44,899 I'll do the needle. 429 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:48,339 Okay. I hope I don't get drunk. 430 00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:49,690 How long till you're sterile? 431 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:50,590 I don't know, 432 00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:52,160 but I'm getting lightheaded. 433 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,740 No matter what happens, hold still. 434 00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:07,359 I can't do it. 435 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,159 - Yes, you can. - No, I can't. 436 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,200 Just let me get it. 437 00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:12,159 What if you slip and stab me in the eye? 438 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,660 I'm not gonna slip. 439 00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:15,730 Who always wins when we play... 440 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,770 Be right back. 441 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:26,039 In 1989 the Milton Bradley Company 442 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,110 had dozens of board games on the market, 443 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:34,420 but only one where you were the doctor. 444 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,849 Operation came complete 445 00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,889 with a red light-up nose, 446 00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:44,529 13 plastic body parts for players to remove 447 00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:49,790 and, most importantly, one pair of genuine tweezers. 448 00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:58,219 My sister performed a medical procedure using 449 00:19:58,220 --> 00:19:59,960 a children's board game, 450 00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:02,810 while I bravely sat very still. 451 00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:18,570 I guess you could say there were two heroes that day. 452 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,160 Gee, how do you suppose that happened? 453 00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,349 - Hello? - In here. 454 00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:32,419 Why does the kitchen smell like whiskey? 455 00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,439 Ask her. 456 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,240 Oh, dear Lord! 457 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,609 Wait till you hear what I did to Meemaw. 458 00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:43,410 Our show came at number one. 459 00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:47,930 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 31302

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