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♪ This little light of mine ♪
2
00:00:05,050 --> 00:00:07,119
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
3
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♪ Let it shine, let it shine ♪
4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,480
♪ Let it shine ♪
5
00:00:13,270 --> 00:00:15,960
♪ Everywhere I go ♪
6
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♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
7
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,099
♪ Everywhere I go ♪
8
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♪ I'm gonna let it shine... ♪
9
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Well, I am happy to
report that my potato salad
10
00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:28,509
is once again the hit of the potluck.
11
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- That's great, honey.
- I feel bad
12
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:31,409
for Pam Staples.
13
00:00:31,410 --> 00:00:34,209
No one's touching her potato salad.
14
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If you feel bad, then
why are you smiling?
15
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:40,089
'Cause sometimes your
mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.
16
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,989
Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today?
17
00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,859
- Pastor Jeff.
- Thank you, Pastor Jeff.
18
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:46,559
Y'all remember my wife Selena.
19
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:47,859
- Hi, Selena.
- Oh, yeah.
20
00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,149
¿Qué tal?
21
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,460
You're married to her?
22
00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:52,430
Why, yes, I am.
23
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,719
You can think
it... You don't need to say it.
24
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,839
How are you liking Medford, Selena?
25
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,570
¿Cómo te gusta Medford?
26
00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:03,179
_
27
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:04,770
She likes it fine.
28
00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:05,840
Oh.
29
00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:07,379
_
30
00:01:07,380 --> 00:01:10,349
She needs to use
the little girls' room.
31
00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,450
Mary, could I talk to you for a second?
32
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,689
Sure.
33
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:15,959
Don't worry. I'll bring her right back.
34
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,829
Wasn't worried, but okay.
35
00:01:17,830 --> 00:01:19,759
Okay.
36
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,730
His Spanish is terrible.
37
00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:23,399
That's not what she said at all.
38
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,499
Oh.
39
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,999
I don't know if you've heard,
40
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,349
but our church secretary,
41
00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:30,600
Elizabeth Sohinki, is
currently seeking treatment
42
00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:32,909
for a little problem
with... shall we say...
43
00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:34,709
Under-the-counter medications.
44
00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:36,779
Oh. So that rumor's true.
45
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:37,949
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, she did
46
00:01:37,950 --> 00:01:39,869
always seem extremely alert.
47
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:41,919
Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,
48
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,289
we need someone to step
in and fill the position.
49
00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:46,390
I was wondering if
you might consider it.
50
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:49,289
It's not just bookkeeping.
51
00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:52,349
I'd be in charge of handling the
maintenance issues... you know,
52
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:54,219
plumbing, electric, what have you.
53
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:57,520
And I'd also head the planning committee
54
00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:58,950
for all the social events,
55
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,929
which, of course,
includes the big three:
56
00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:02,709
baptisms, weddings, funerals.
57
00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:06,009
And here is the cherry on top.
58
00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:09,779
The sign in front of the church
with all the clever sayings...
59
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:11,609
"Be an organ donor, give
your heart to Jesus"?
60
00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:12,849
Exactly.
61
00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:15,120
Guess whose job it
would be to write those.
62
00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:16,549
Yours.
63
00:02:16,550 --> 00:02:18,589
Already working on a couple.
64
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:20,019
Listen to this.
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00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:26,580
"The best vitamin for
a Christian is B1."
66
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,100
What?
67
00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:32,530
You know, be one.
68
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:33,899
Like be a Christian.
69
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:36,220
And also B1 the vitamin.
70
00:02:36,230 --> 00:02:38,669
Well, now that you
explained it, it's funny.
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00:02:38,670 --> 00:02:40,420
Yeah. Might be a thinker.
72
00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:43,190
But there's a lot more
where that came from.
73
00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:46,210
What about the twins?
74
00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:48,879
Well, I'll still get 'em
off to school every day.
75
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,660
And when they get home,
76
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,419
Mom can keep an eye
on 'em till I get back.
77
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:54,809
Think she'll go for it?
78
00:02:54,810 --> 00:02:57,209
Are you kidding? She
loves 'em like crazy.
79
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,589
Fat chance.
80
00:02:58,590 --> 00:02:59,929
Oh, come on.
81
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:03,399
You come on. I'm
in the prime of my life.
82
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,350
I got my water aerobics
and my salsa dancing
83
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,020
and my bowling league.
84
00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:09,839
But you love your grandchildren.
85
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,370
I love ice cream, too,
but I don't want to eat it
86
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:14,569
from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week.
87
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:16,419
Well, I'm very disappointed.
88
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:17,919
And I'm fine with that.
89
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,550
Why don't you just get a babysitter?
90
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,139
Kinda defeats the purpose
of making extra money.
91
00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:23,050
Oh, yeah, right.
92
00:03:23,051 --> 00:03:24,630
All right, let's think about it.
93
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,039
Georgie.
94
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,239
Football practice.
95
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,289
- And I don't trust him when I'm home.
- Oh.
96
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:32,119
Okay, now, what are
we talking about here?
97
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,859
Sheldon is intelligent and responsible,
98
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:39,730
and Missy... is his sister.
99
00:03:39,740 --> 00:03:41,569
I think they'll be fine home alone
100
00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:44,000
all by themselves for a
couple hours after school.
101
00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:45,989
- You think?
- I do.
102
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:48,509
As a matter of fact, I actually
think it'll be great for them.
103
00:03:48,510 --> 00:03:50,240
These kids today are so coddled,
104
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,249
I honestly think y'all are raising
105
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,849
a whole generation of sissies.
106
00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:57,789
Is that the way you speak
about your grandchildren?
107
00:03:57,790 --> 00:03:59,500
Yes.
108
00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:19,139
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
109
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:23,549
Hi.
110
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:25,349
How'd it go with your mom?
111
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,279
She's not interested in watching 'em.
112
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,219
Doesn't want to give up her afternoons.
113
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:31,370
Of course. Sorry.
114
00:04:33,890 --> 00:04:35,789
You know what, it's okay.
115
00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,069
The timing wasn't right.
116
00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,209
Maybe when the kids are older.
117
00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:41,940
Okay.
118
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,240
I guess I'll go get dinner started.
119
00:04:57,550 --> 00:04:58,849
How about this?
120
00:04:58,850 --> 00:05:01,279
Go ahead and take the job.
121
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,749
Yeah, if it turns out
122
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,419
Sheldon and Missy can't
look out for themselves
123
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:06,269
for a couple hours after school,
124
00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:09,689
then... well, we'll cross
that bridge when we come to it.
125
00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:10,820
Are you sure about this?
126
00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:12,730
Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em.
127
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:14,829
Teach 'em a little responsibility.
128
00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:17,229
That's exactly what my mom said.
129
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:18,969
Really?
130
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,599
Well, I still like the idea.
131
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,000
Mmm.
132
00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:27,370
Thank you, God, for this food
133
00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:29,140
we're about to receive,
and for the nourishment
134
00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:31,679
of our bodies, and bless
the hands that prepared it.
135
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,449
Amen.
136
00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:35,849
So, kids,
137
00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:38,349
we have a little family
business to discuss.
138
00:05:38,350 --> 00:05:39,950
- You're pregnant?
- No.
139
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:40,980
We're getting a puppy?
140
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:41,980
No.
141
00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:44,059
I'm not sure I care.
142
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:46,859
Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take
143
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:49,080
a full-time job at the church.
144
00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:51,629
Well, who's going to take care of us?
145
00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:54,269
Well, nothing will change in the
morning... I'll make breakfast,
146
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,300
take you both to school.
Then, after school,
147
00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:58,620
you'll come home, do your homework,
148
00:05:58,630 --> 00:06:00,209
watch TV, play with your toys
149
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,319
till I come home around 6:00.
150
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,519
Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us?
151
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,079
- 'Cause she's not the person you think she is.
- George...
152
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,049
You're really gonna
leave these two alone?
153
00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:10,340
Yes.
154
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,520
That's a brave choice.
155
00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,689
Look, this job is
important to your mother.
156
00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:17,120
We expect you both to
step up and be responsible.
157
00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:18,889
I can do that.
158
00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:20,619
Missy?
159
00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:22,629
I'm thinking about it.
160
00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:25,260
Very brave.
161
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,579
_
162
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:36,030
Okay, let's go over it one more time.
163
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,430
House key's under the
plastic owl by the front door.
164
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,369
There's after-school
snacks in the fridge.
165
00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,400
One for each of you.
166
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,409
Emergency numbers are
right there by the phone.
167
00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:50,509
First aid kit is in the hall closet.
168
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:53,019
And you won't be needing it,
169
00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:56,749
but under the kitchen sink
is a fire extinguisher.
170
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,419
Ooh, that looks fun.
171
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:01,859
For fires only, and don't be
starting one just to use it.
172
00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:04,859
It's like she can read my mind.
173
00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:06,329
Don't worry, Mom.
174
00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:07,829
We'll make you proud.
175
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:09,269
I know you will, baby.
176
00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:11,199
All set for your first day?
177
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,819
- I believe I am.
- Mm.
178
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:13,999
- Mwah.
- Mwah.
179
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,069
Go get 'em.
180
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:17,339
Thanks for waking me up.
181
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,679
I woke you up 40 minutes ago.
182
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,939
Well, you didn't do a very good job.
183
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:24,250
Bye, y'all.
184
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,890
Okay, yeah. Yeah.
185
00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,500
Okay, later.
186
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,699
Sorry to bother you, Peg,
is Pastor Jeff available?
187
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,469
Jeff! You available?!
188
00:07:42,470 --> 00:07:43,699
On the phone.
189
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,600
He's on the phone.
190
00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:59,579
You know, my mother's had some
luck cutting back on the smoking
191
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,369
by chewing that nicotine gum.
192
00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:04,489
Got some right here.
193
00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:05,850
So you do.
194
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:06,989
Come on in.
195
00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:08,450
Go on, you heard him.
196
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,929
Thank you.
197
00:08:11,930 --> 00:08:13,359
Hey, hey.
198
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,660
Hey, Mare.
199
00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:17,399
Uh, you finding everything you need?
200
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,830
Oh, you bet.
201
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,700
So, I've been going over the books,
202
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,279
and I think we have
enough money in our budget
203
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,479
to purchase a personal computer
204
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,739
to handle all the church business.
205
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:30,889
Okay.
206
00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:32,939
Well, uh, why don't you
leave the paperwork here,
207
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:34,139
and I'll-I'll take a look at it.
208
00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:35,229
Of course.
209
00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:36,789
That's for your perusal.
210
00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:42,089
Everything okay?
211
00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:43,450
What?
212
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,629
Yeah. Right as rain.
213
00:08:45,630 --> 00:08:46,799
All righty.
214
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,929
Hey, if you have a minute,
215
00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:51,869
I would love to talk to you
about the sign out front.
216
00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:54,070
Yeah, sure.
217
00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:07,910
So far so good.
218
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,709
Hello?
219
00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:31,910
Anybody?
220
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,340
They weren't kidding.
221
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,950
Maybe I'll just have one little peek.
222
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,510
How come you're not eating your snack?
223
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,459
I prefer my snack to be a
reward for homework well done.
224
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,799
You're like an old person.
225
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,310
Thank you.
226
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:07,940
What's your homework?
227
00:10:07,950 --> 00:10:09,460
Non-Euclidean geometry.
228
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:10,629
How about you?
229
00:10:10,630 --> 00:10:12,999
"Symonyms."
230
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,800
You mean synonyms.
231
00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:17,290
I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms."
232
00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:21,399
Did you see that?
233
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,080
Someone's out there.
234
00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:27,050
Oh, no. They're in the backyard.
235
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,660
What do we do?
236
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:32,230
Aah!
237
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,800
Would one of you please get me a towel?
238
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,069
Why were you sneaking around out there?
239
00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:58,669
Yeah, you scared us.
240
00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:01,009
I was checking up on you two.
241
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:04,009
And in case you're
wondering, you scared me back.
242
00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,779
Well, why didn't you knock?
243
00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:09,379
Because you two are supposed
to be doing this on your own.
244
00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:11,110
And you don't think we can.
245
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,180
Of course I do.
246
00:11:12,190 --> 00:11:13,719
I'm the one who told your mother
247
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,950
that you were fine by
yourselves in the first place.
248
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,289
Then why were you checking up on us?
249
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,289
That's called being two-faced.
250
00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:21,809
We'll be okay on our own.
251
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:24,179
Yeah, we need to prove we can do this.
252
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:26,129
All right.
253
00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:28,269
I respect that.
254
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:32,639
And I'm happy to keep this
little incident a secret.
255
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,459
Really? I'm telling everyone.
256
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,529
It was hilarious.
257
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,669
I'm going bowling.
258
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:46,119
When we first started dating,
everything was wonderful.
259
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,859
That's when it is wonderful.
260
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:50,059
All the problems started
once we got married.
261
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:52,789
Well, marriage will do
that to a relationship.
262
00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:54,620
I-I got Selena a credit card
263
00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,580
to make small purchases for the house.
264
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:59,689
You know... coffee maker, DustBuster.
265
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,110
You know what she did?
266
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:03,089
She went to that Sharper Image store
267
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,860
and she bought a massage chair.
268
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:07,200
Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall.
269
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:08,170
It was terrific.
270
00:12:08,171 --> 00:12:09,500
It's $2,000.
271
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,909
Oh. Well, seeing as I
know how much you make,
272
00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:14,309
you can't afford that.
273
00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:16,810
I... uh-uh.
274
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,819
Of all the afflictions
275
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:22,490
that can befall a child,
one reigns supreme.
276
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,519
Beyond scraped knees and paper cuts,
277
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,859
nothing strikes fear into the
hearts of kids around the world
278
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,720
like a splinter.
279
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:36,599
No!
280
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,600
Tell me why you were
pretending to have amnesia.
281
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,309
I've got a splinter!
282
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:42,819
So?
283
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,070
So, it's an emergency!
284
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,179
Call Meemaw!
285
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,239
Oh, calm down.
286
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,879
- We can take care of this.
- No, we can't!
287
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,899
Sheldon, if we can't
handle a little splinter,
288
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,200
they're never gonna
leave us alone again.
289
00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,820
You're right.
290
00:12:55,830 --> 00:12:57,189
So, what do we do?
291
00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,700
Let me see it.
292
00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:04,379
Oh, boy. That's a deep one.
293
00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,789
Hey, it's throbbing really bad.
294
00:13:06,790 --> 00:13:08,630
Mom would take it out with tweezers.
295
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,799
Well, where would we find tweezers?
296
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,500
Let's see what we got.
297
00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:13,859
Band-Aids...
298
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,570
cotton balls.
299
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:17,689
What's "gowz"?
300
00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:19,959
It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that
301
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,650
is not filling me with hope.
302
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,280
Where would Mom keep the tweezers?
303
00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:27,819
- Sometimes she uses a needle on splinters.
- No.
304
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:30,419
No needles. Anything but needles.
305
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:33,259
Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.
306
00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:35,059
She plucks her eyebrows with them.
307
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:37,640
And sometimes her mustache.
308
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:44,869
Anything?
309
00:13:44,870 --> 00:13:46,069
Nope.
310
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,709
Wait.
311
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,309
Maybe they're in her room.
312
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:51,779
We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.
313
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:54,310
Want me to get the needle?
314
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,429
Let's make this quick.
315
00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:00,080
Why are you whispering?
316
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,519
That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.
317
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,170
I wouldn't know. I'm
naughty all the time.
318
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,299
You're really not coming in?
319
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,420
No. But you're doing great.
320
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,679
What's wrong?
321
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,709
This really is naughty.
322
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:28,550
I told you.
323
00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:34,519
I don't see anything.
324
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,329
There's just a Bible and a flashlight.
325
00:14:38,730 --> 00:14:39,989
What do I do?
326
00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:42,250
Answer it but sound calm.
327
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:46,929
Hello.
328
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:48,069
Hey, it's Dad.
329
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:49,169
How you guys doing?
330
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:50,369
We're great.
331
00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:51,869
Glad to hear it.
332
00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:53,329
I'm watching TV,
333
00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:55,279
and Sheldon's reading quietly.
334
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:57,539
I knew you could handle this.
335
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,340
- I'm proud of you.
- You know what?
336
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:00,909
I'm proud of us, too.
337
00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,649
Uh... Okay, baby doll,
338
00:15:02,650 --> 00:15:03,949
I'll be home in a couple hours.
339
00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:05,980
Stay out all night. We got this.
340
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,519
Wha... Love you, too.
341
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,660
That was intense.
342
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:15,429
I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.
343
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,760
You answer it this time.
344
00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:21,099
I can't, I'm supposed
to be reading quietly.
345
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,530
Answer it, Sheldon.
346
00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:25,299
Well, I'm not going in there.
347
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,679
Hello. Cooper residence.
348
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,139
Sheldon speaking.
349
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:30,509
Hey, Shelly.
350
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:31,679
Oh, hello, Mom.
351
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,480
How's your day going?
352
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:42,650
Shelly? Shelly? You there?
353
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:44,619
Yes, I'm here.
354
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:46,520
She wants to know how my day's going.
355
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:47,689
Say it's going good.
356
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:48,729
I can't say that.
357
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:49,540
Why not?
358
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,460
It's bad grammar.
359
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:51,709
How are you supposed to say it?
360
00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,060
"It's going well."
361
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:54,520
Oh, that's nice.
362
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:56,379
I've got to get back to work,
363
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:59,739
but I love you and miss you very much.
364
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,469
Okay.
365
00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:04,530
I handled that really well.
366
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:08,749
Got a minute?
367
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,710
Sure, come on in.
368
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,140
I just wanted to apologize.
369
00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:16,529
I-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.
370
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,219
Here it is, your first day and all.
371
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:19,259
Oh, that's fine.
372
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,720
Always happy to lend an ear.
373
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,859
Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.
374
00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:25,309
Really? 'Cause you told me a lot.
375
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,329
This morning, while
Selena was in the shower,
376
00:16:27,330 --> 00:16:29,730
I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.
377
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:31,499
- Oh, my.
- Now,
378
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,589
do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?
379
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,309
You know, saving us from
bankruptcy and whatnot?
380
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:41,109
Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated.
381
00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:44,689
Um... going through her
purse... Probably wrong,
382
00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:47,149
but on the other hand...
383
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,589
well, there is no other hand.
384
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,199
You can't be doing things like that
385
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,689
and have a healthy marriage.
386
00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:53,089
Why don't you just talk to her?
387
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:55,059
Explain your financial situation?
388
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,650
That...
389
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:01,069
Oh, we're closing the door now, okay.
390
00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:04,239
That's not so easy.
391
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,500
Because of the language barrier?
392
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:09,470
That, and I implied,
when we were dating,
393
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,679
that I was... well-to-do.
394
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,810
Oh, Pastor Jeff, why would you do that?
395
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:17,179
You saw her.
396
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,639
Uh, she is the kind of woman
397
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,589
that can make a man do bad things.
398
00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:26,450
Well, I... I don't know
what to say to that.
399
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,890
Maybe you ought to pray on it.
400
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,529
You're right.
401
00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:34,299
You're absolutely right.
402
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,469
I'll do that now.
403
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:36,730
I'll do the same.
404
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:37,899
Thank you.
405
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,649
God, please give me the strength
406
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,649
to not spread this juicy
gossip about Pastor Jeff.
407
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,049
Amen.
408
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:53,549
What are you doing?
409
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:57,050
I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.
410
00:17:58,590 --> 00:17:59,789
Found 'em.
411
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:01,319
The tweezers?
412
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,659
Mom's needles and her magnifying glass.
413
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,199
Absolutely not.
414
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,860
Let me at least try.
415
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:07,680
No.
416
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,469
You're being a baby.
417
00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,869
Nothing you can say will change my mind.
418
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:13,770
What if it gets infected and turns green
419
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,390
and they have to cut it off?
420
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,249
I think it's numb.
421
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:20,780
Great, put your hand out.
422
00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:26,019
Wait, how do you plan on
sterilizing the needle?
423
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:28,289
Mom uses a lit match.
424
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:30,319
We're not allowed to play with matches.
425
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,719
What else would work?
426
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,620
Alcohol.
427
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:43,729
Stick your finger in there.
428
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:44,899
I'll do the needle.
429
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:48,339
Okay. I hope I don't get drunk.
430
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:49,690
How long till you're sterile?
431
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:50,590
I don't know,
432
00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:52,160
but I'm getting lightheaded.
433
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,740
No matter what happens, hold still.
434
00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:07,359
I can't do it.
435
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,159
- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.
436
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,200
Just let me get it.
437
00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:12,159
What if you slip and stab me in the eye?
438
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,660
I'm not gonna slip.
439
00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:15,730
Who always wins when we play...
440
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,770
Be right back.
441
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:26,039
In 1989 the Milton Bradley Company
442
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,110
had dozens of board games on the market,
443
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:34,420
but only one where you were the doctor.
444
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,849
Operation came complete
445
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,889
with a red light-up nose,
446
00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:44,529
13 plastic body parts
for players to remove
447
00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:49,790
and, most importantly, one
pair of genuine tweezers.
448
00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:58,219
My sister performed a
medical procedure using
449
00:19:58,220 --> 00:19:59,960
a children's board game,
450
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:02,810
while I bravely sat very still.
451
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:18,570
I guess you could say there
were two heroes that day.
452
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,160
Gee, how do you suppose that happened?
453
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,349
- Hello?
- In here.
454
00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:32,419
Why does the kitchen smell like whiskey?
455
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,439
Ask her.
456
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,240
Oh, dear Lord!
457
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,609
Wait till you hear what I did to Meemaw.
458
00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:43,410
Our show came at number one.
459
00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:47,930
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
31302
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