Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:34,330
This film is great.
2
00:00:34,330 --> 00:00:36,650
Films are great.
3
00:00:36,650 --> 00:00:39,570
Are you all right?
4
00:00:39,570 --> 00:00:43,570
Not still thinking about Sam
slam-dunking you in the reject bin?
5
00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:48,570
No. Who's Sam? I don’t even know
a Sam.
6
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:49,970
Sorry, are you tidying?
7
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:52,170
Yeah. My, er...mum's coming to
stay.
8
00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:56,090
You've got a mum?
9
00:00:56,090 --> 00:01:00,010
Well, I say mum. She's more like
my sister or my best mate.
10
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:03,290
Ooh. Reviews are in. Deep breaths.
11
00:01:03,290 --> 00:01:05,290
Who wants to read them with me?
12
00:01:05,290 --> 00:01:09,290
Erm...Vod’s got a mum,
and she's coming to stay.
13
00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:12,730
My mum is young and hot,
14
00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:14,530
and if you fuck my hot young mum,
15
00:01:14,530 --> 00:01:17,410
I will chop your dick
into a thousand tiny pieces.
16
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,930
Ooh, a thousand pieces?
A thousand tiny pieces.
17
00:01:20,930 --> 00:01:24,930
So, you are correctly imagining
that I have quite a big dick, then?
18
00:01:26,730 --> 00:01:29,690
Just stay away from her. Got it?
19
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,691
Yes, Vod.
20
00:01:33,148 --> 00:01:56,989
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
21
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:02,250
"It is rare to feel so bored so quickly
during the opening lines of a play...
22
00:02:05,970 --> 00:02:09,570
"...although, luckily, as the story
got going, I found myself waking up."
23
00:02:09,570 --> 00:02:13,570
Ha! See? Um...that's deliberate.
Like Waiting For Godot.
24
00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:16,770
"But unlike in classics
such as Waiting For Godot,
25
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,970
"this was because I found the play
so profoundly irritating
26
00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:23,970
"that for the first time ever
I was forced to give a show no stars."
27
00:02:24,930 --> 00:02:27,730
Like I give a shit what you think,
mate. Ha! Next!
28
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,370
Er...ooh.
29
00:02:30,370 --> 00:02:32,530
"This play is almost
completely without merit."
30
00:02:32,530 --> 00:02:35,410
Oh.
31
00:02:35,410 --> 00:02:39,410
"It is only Violet Nordstrom's
savage and raw portrayal of the mother,
32
00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:44,290
"an eminently watchable performance,
33
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:48,290
"which stops this being the worst
play the student theatre has ever staged."
34
00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:54,410
Well, that’s a good one anyway.
35
00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:59,650
Are you looking at me cos I'm
watchable?
36
00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:02,650
What's the last one?
Student Echo.
37
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:06,650
Oh, what do those morons have to
say? Trudi Miller's verdict, four stars.
38
00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:17,330
Finally.
39
00:03:17,370 --> 00:03:18,410
Yes.
40
00:03:18,410 --> 00:03:21,490
OK, so, everything
that pisses you off about me.
41
00:03:21,490 --> 00:03:25,490
Nothing is taboo. We get it all out
and get over it, OK?
42
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,490
So, I'll go first to demonstrate.
43
00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:31,490
So, under me I'm going to put,
"Josie accidentally had sex with Baz."
44
00:03:33,810 --> 00:03:37,810
And under you I’m gonna put,
"Kingsley cheated on Josie with Heather."
45
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:41,330
Failed to break up with Heather
because of family tragedy.
46
00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,410
OK, whatever. Failed to break up
with/cheated with Heather.
47
00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:48,090
Just put Heather. Heather.
48
00:03:48,090 --> 00:03:52,090
OK, good, now I can never have a go
at you about it ever again. Got it?
49
00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:59,010
I think this is good. Yes.
We're handing in our weapons.
50
00:03:59,010 --> 00:04:01,050
Exactly, so they can't hurt us
any more.
51
00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:05,050
OK, next I'm gonna put, "Josie hates
it when Kingsley bangs on about music
52
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:10,290
"even though he knows
she's not interested in it."
53
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:11,930
Your turn.
54
00:04:11,930 --> 00:04:13,850
Kingsley hates it
when Josie gets aggressive.
55
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:17,850
It's unnecessary and unattractive.
56
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:23,290
Yeah. Good one.
57
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:26,330
Come on, Howard. I just want to
write to her and say thank you.
58
00:04:26,330 --> 00:04:29,370
Do you have any idea what it feels
like to be rejected by the majority
59
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:32,570
and then have one lone voice
stand up for you?
60
00:04:32,570 --> 00:04:35,650
To answer your questions
respectively, yes and no.
61
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,970
And who's been eating my Shreddies?
62
00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:40,130
"Shawcross rages against societal
norms,
63
00:04:40,130 --> 00:04:43,930
"in a voice that shifts easily
from satire to poetry.
64
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:47,250
"'Reject the system' is her rallying
cry."
65
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:48,770
You memorised it?
66
00:04:48,770 --> 00:04:52,490
No, I didn't mean to. I just...
I have a photographic memory for praise.
67
00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:56,490
Look, if Miller's not on Google,
it means she doesn't want to be found.
68
00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:03,090
Where did you get that?
69
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:05,650
Oh, yeah. I've been radicalised.
70
00:05:05,650 --> 00:05:07,450
By a T-shirt?
By my new tutor.
71
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:09,250
Nicole Mauve. She's amazing.
72
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,810
You've got Mauve?
I thought she was on sabbatical.
73
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:15,810
Mauve was on sabbatical writing her book.
I read it. It basically changed my life.
74
00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:18,690
Well, you can’t become a radical
feminist by reading a book.
75
00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:22,370
I've got a copy,
if you want to read it.
76
00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:25,090
Er... Sexual Objectification
And Subordination.
77
00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:26,370
I don't need to read it.
78
00:05:26,370 --> 00:05:29,850
I'm already being persecuted
by the press for my radical politics.
79
00:05:29,850 --> 00:05:33,690
Fine. I'll give it to Howard, then.
I'm holding my bowl.
80
00:05:33,690 --> 00:05:37,690
I'll pop it down there for you.
81
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,970
Hello.
82
00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,490
Kingsley failed to laugh
83
00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:59,490
at Josie’s hilarious joke about
over-the-counter decongestants.
84
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:12,250
I’m actually laughing now,
just thinking about it.
85
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:16,250
Right, well, is that it?
Anything else you need to tell me?
86
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:17,650
Are you done already?
87
00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:21,650
I'm done. Aren't you?
88
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:26,250
What?
89
00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:38,090
I fake orgasms.
90
00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:44,130
What did you say?
91
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,610
Not always. Just sometimes.
92
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:48,010
And I thought I should say,
93
00:06:48,010 --> 00:06:52,010
just in case we really do end up
spending the rest of our lives together.
94
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:57,410
How much of the time?
95
00:06:57,410 --> 00:07:00,610
I don’t know. Er...70 per cent?
96
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:03,170
70 per cent are genuine?
97
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:06,290
70 per cent are fake?
I'll put 65.
98
00:07:06,290 --> 00:07:07,850
Don't put it if it's not true.
99
00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:11,850
Split the difference. 66.
100
00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,890
Right, I think I'm done.
101
00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:18,890
So, now everything on this piece
of paper is officially forgotten about.
102
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:29,770
Whoo!
103
00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:37,330
I'll get it!
104
00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:43,570
Ah! Oh! Oh, Milly!
105
00:07:43,570 --> 00:07:45,090
Milly?
106
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,050
Oh.
107
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:51,050
Everyone, this is Chris.
Chris, everyone.
108
00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:56,570
Well, I'm an English student but
I’m also kind of an artist in my own right.
109
00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:59,410
Yeah, but be careful what you say
110
00:07:59,410 --> 00:08:02,330
or you might end up in her play
as an illiterate sex pest.
111
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:06,130
Ha-ha-ha! Awesome. Ha-ha-ha!
112
00:08:06,130 --> 00:08:10,130
What do you study?
113
00:08:10,130 --> 00:08:14,130
Oh, erm...geology. Yeah.
114
00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:16,170
I just started pharmacology.
115
00:08:16,170 --> 00:08:18,770
Oh, study drugs?
116
00:08:18,770 --> 00:08:20,650
Well, yeah, but...but nothing
illegal.
117
00:08:20,650 --> 00:08:23,810
Heh-heh! It’s all right, Jose.
One thing you'll learn about me.
118
00:08:23,810 --> 00:08:26,090
I fucking hate all that mum shit.
119
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,410
Oh, right. Great.
120
00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:32,410
Ah. Feminist, yeah? My mum
was a feminist in the '70s.
121
00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:37,170
And that is why in the '90s
we told feminism to go fuck itself.
122
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:40,370
Now, that’s radical.
123
00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:42,850
I wouldn’t mind freshening up,
actually, if that's cool.
124
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:45,330
I'll take you up. Great!
125
00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:49,330
Why don’t I take you all out to the
pub tomorrow night, yeah? My shout.
126
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:52,410
That is so cool.
127
00:08:52,410 --> 00:08:54,970
My mum would never take us to the
pub.
128
00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:58,970
She'd take us somewhere really boring like
Sadler's Wells or fucking Glyndebourne.
129
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:03,010
Yeah, well, I know what
you guys like.
130
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:12,090
You will come to the pub, won't you?
Don't just say yeah and then don’t come.
131
00:09:13,490 --> 00:09:17,490
Yeah, you promise?
132
00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:28,610
Oh, God.
133
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:29,690
What you reading?
134
00:09:29,690 --> 00:09:32,850
Oh, yeah, I wasn’t...
135
00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:35,330
Er... King Lear. I might audition.
136
00:09:35,330 --> 00:09:36,850
Ah! More acting, eh?
137
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:39,810
Oh, you've seen the review.
I'm officially savage and watchable.
138
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:43,810
Oh, I used to love acting. I was
actually genuinely talented as well.
139
00:09:44,490 --> 00:09:48,170
So, what are the young ones like?
140
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,850
Who? Your housemates.
141
00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:54,850
Oh, right. Yeah, er...yeah,
it's good.
142
00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:57,490
I mean, I don’t know.
143
00:09:57,490 --> 00:10:01,050
I thought they’d all be geeks
and poshos, which they are.
144
00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:05,050
But they're my geeks and poshos.
I don't know.
145
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:07,330
JP's all right, though, isn't he?
House hottie.
146
00:10:07,330 --> 00:10:09,090
Don't even think about it.
147
00:10:09,090 --> 00:10:11,130
What, you think I'm past it? No!
148
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:15,090
No, I...I mean, bit of a twat,
isn't he?
149
00:10:15,090 --> 00:10:17,930
He's not good enough for you.
Anyway, what about Jim?
150
00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:21,930
Oh, Jim Schmim. He gave up trying
to control me a long time ago.
151
00:10:23,170 --> 00:10:27,170
Do you think this might fit me?
152
00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:06,090
I'm gonna have a hot, soapy shower,
cos I'm really dirty.
153
00:11:07,370 --> 00:11:09,890
OK. Hope there's a lock,
154
00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:13,890
cos I would hate anyone to burst in
when I'm completely naked.
155
00:11:14,730 --> 00:11:18,290
Oh! Well...there is.
156
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:22,290
You...you just push the thing
into the...
157
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:24,970
Yeah.
158
00:11:45,890 --> 00:11:49,370
..a beautiful-looking
glow from day one and advanced protection.
159
00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:50,890
Our sun protection has never...
160
00:11:50,890 --> 00:11:52,330
Morning, Howard.
161
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:55,250
What you watching?
OK, I admit it.
162
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:58,050
I observed your buttocks
as you went into the kitchen.
163
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,970
I meant on the telly.
Oh.
164
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,810
Did you really?
Erm...
165
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:05,170
I...
166
00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:07,450
I feel I should apologise.
167
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:10,170
For watching my bum?
The truth is,
168
00:12:10,170 --> 00:12:13,170
I have objectified you
on more than one occasion.
169
00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:14,450
I see.
170
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:17,250
I mean, you are
a sexually mature female
171
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:19,890
and, as a result, I just think
it's my habitual reflex
172
00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:23,490
to value you purely on the societal
norms of physical attractiveness.
173
00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:25,610
You read the book?
174
00:12:25,610 --> 00:12:28,850
I was drawn into its murky world,
yes.
175
00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:32,010
My goodness, Howard!
Do you realise what this means?
176
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:36,010
You're now officially a feminist.
177
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,130
Are you awake?
178
00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:59,890
I thought maybe we could try
something.
179
00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:02,410
Yeah, like what?
180
00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:06,410
OK, let me just... Bear with me.
181
00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:09,610
Kingsley?
182
00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:12,610
OK.
183
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:14,290
OK.
184
00:13:14,290 --> 00:13:16,970
Lift up your nightie.
OK, stop, look.
185
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:20,410
Your technique is not the problem.
186
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:22,410
If anything, it's the opposite.
187
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:23,810
What do you mean, the opposite?
188
00:13:23,810 --> 00:13:27,810
You're too eager to please.
You worry too much.
That puts a lot of pressure on me.
189
00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:30,250
So, you told me I was shit
so I'd worry about it less?
190
00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:34,250
I told you because you kept doing
the things that would make me
fake-come the first time,
191
00:13:34,370 --> 00:13:36,970
and things, by the way,
I don't actually like.
192
00:13:36,970 --> 00:13:39,650
I didn't think you were gonna
have a fucking crisis about it.
193
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:43,650
You didn't realise
I'd have a crisis? God, Kingsley.
Faking orgasms is so normal.
194
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,930
Every girl you've slept with
has probably done it.
195
00:13:45,930 --> 00:13:49,730
Oh, that makes it better!
I did it with Baz.
I did it with Dave all the time.
196
00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:53,610
Did you do it with JP?
197
00:13:53,610 --> 00:13:55,570
I... Probably. I can't remember.
198
00:13:55,570 --> 00:13:56,770
Did you?
I just said...
199
00:13:56,770 --> 00:14:00,770
You can't lie. Don't lie. OK. Fine.
Look, I didn't have to do it with
JP, because it happened for real.
200
00:14:06,890 --> 00:14:08,170
What, both times?
201
00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:11,490
Multiple ti... Oh, no.
Yeah, erm...both. Yes, both times.
202
00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:15,490
Thank you. No, it's good to be specific.
Clarity really is everything, isn't it?
203
00:14:15,970 --> 00:14:19,970
Don't worry.
You're the world's bestest snuggler.
204
00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:24,130
Oh, good. That makes it better.
205
00:14:49,290 --> 00:14:50,850
Howard, hey!
206
00:14:50,850 --> 00:14:53,330
Over here.
Oh. Hi.
207
00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:57,090
Look! Can you believe this guy?
208
00:14:57,090 --> 00:14:59,850
Reading a magazine full of sexually
objectifying images,
209
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:02,770
out in the open,
like he doesn't give a shit.
210
00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:06,050
I know that individual,
and it's probable he doesn't care.
211
00:15:06,050 --> 00:15:10,050
Yeah? Well, as feminists, Howard,
it's our job to make him care.
212
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:11,850
I am not...
Come on.
213
00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:14,890
Where are you going?
I'm going to enlighten him.
214
00:15:14,890 --> 00:15:18,010
Excuse me.
215
00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:20,850
I object to your objectification.
216
00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:22,930
Hello.
217
00:15:22,930 --> 00:15:26,930
The imagery of your magazine
is something I experience
as degrading to my humanity.
218
00:15:28,530 --> 00:15:31,290
Because they're better-looking
than you?
219
00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:35,290
Howard, would you like to
help me explain?
220
00:15:35,690 --> 00:15:38,290
Women are human beings with brains,
221
00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:40,690
not just sexual objects
for your gratification.
222
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:44,450
Yeah, right.
Even, er...even these ones?
223
00:15:44,450 --> 00:15:48,450
Especially those ones.
224
00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:05,210
She's got some ludicrous idea
in her head
225
00:16:05,210 --> 00:16:08,970
that she's gonna be able to stop
the SU from selling lads' mags.
226
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:11,570
I mean, what's the next logical step?
227
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:14,210
I have to wear a burqa?
228
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:16,690
Can you believe she thought
that Nuts was illegal?
229
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:18,250
She's completely clueless.
Yeah.
230
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:22,170
Like, she didn't even know who Simon Cowell
was until, like, two days ago.
231
00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:26,130
And she thought Jordan was a country.
232
00:16:26,130 --> 00:16:28,210
Well, you know, some women
bang the drum.
233
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:31,890
Others, like Trudi Miller,
for example, they use words,
234
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:35,890
and in a way I think
that's more powerful.
235
00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:42,410
Would you excuse me for a moment?
236
00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:48,650
All right, is he OK?
Because...beer mats?
237
00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:50,730
Yeah, I think he was crying
on the way here.
238
00:16:50,730 --> 00:16:52,370
He was definitely crying
this morning.
239
00:16:52,370 --> 00:16:55,410
I'd say there's a chance
he's maybe not all right then.
240
00:16:55,410 --> 00:16:57,690
Or maybe I'm reading
too much into it.
241
00:16:57,690 --> 00:17:00,410
You should go and talk to him.
Find out.
242
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:03,490
Yeah, or, like, maybe you could talk
to him since you like him so much.
243
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,450
Or you could talk to him
multiple times.
244
00:17:05,450 --> 00:17:08,490
OK, Kingsley, that's really
pathetic. This is serious.
245
00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:10,930
Oh, sorry. So, you're allowed to
make jokes about the amnesty
but I'm not...
246
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:14,610
Drinks ahoy!
Oh, thanks, Mrs Nordstrom.
247
00:17:14,610 --> 00:17:15,890
Chris.
248
00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:18,090
Are you sure you don't want some
money? Put it away.
249
00:17:18,090 --> 00:17:21,210
My card's behind the bar
so it's ours for the night.
250
00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:25,010
Oh, lovely alcohol.
251
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,450
Isn't alcohol great?
252
00:17:27,450 --> 00:17:30,770
Has anyone else noticed how alcohol
just makes everything so much better?
253
00:17:30,770 --> 00:17:34,770
Let's have a toast. To you guys.
To bright, bright futures!
254
00:17:35,890 --> 00:17:39,850
Oh, and, ladies? Whatever you do,
don't get knocked up at 19.
255
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:43,850
Cos, trust me, it'll fuck up
the whole of the rest of your lives.
256
00:17:44,050 --> 00:17:47,610
- To condoms!
- To condoms!
257
00:17:47,610 --> 00:17:49,490
Oh. Ha-ha! Good one.
258
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:53,090
I am so glad that my little Milly
has found such lovely friends.
259
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:55,570
To Milly!
260
00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:57,610
To my little millstone
round my neck!
261
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:01,050
- Ha-ha!
- To your millstone!
262
00:18:01,050 --> 00:18:05,050
To your millstone.
Ha-ha-ha!
263
00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:33,570
Babe, what's your beef with boobs?
Boobs are great.
264
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,010
To boobs!
Boobs!
265
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:39,250
Now, right,
what I don't understand is,
266
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:43,250
how comes there's all these magazines
full of loads of pictures of tits, right?
267
00:18:45,650 --> 00:18:49,650
But when I'm at the Swansea Lido
and I take my top off to sunbathe,
268
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:54,530
I got escorted off the premises,
yeah, and given a three-month ban?
269
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:57,730
Because, idiot,
boobs aren't for kids.
270
00:18:57,730 --> 00:18:59,730
Er...actually, JP, boobs...
271
00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:02,450
JP, what do you think of mine?
272
00:19:02,450 --> 00:19:04,890
Er...
273
00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:07,490
I, erm...well,
274
00:19:07,490 --> 00:19:11,490
well, it's very difficult to... to assess
them when they're not in the wild.
275
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:16,810
Erm...I've been fooled
by a push-up bra before.
276
00:19:16,810 --> 00:19:20,810
Erm...I guess on, um...balance,
they, er...they look pretty reasonable.
277
00:19:26,010 --> 00:19:28,570
How many pieces did I say?
278
00:19:28,570 --> 00:19:30,690
Vod, I don't want to fuck your mum.
279
00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:33,770
What? Why not?
What's wrong with her?
280
00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:36,370
There's nothing wrong with her, Vod.
281
00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:39,290
I mean, normally
I'd be all over that old gold...
282
00:19:39,290 --> 00:19:41,010
Watch it.
283
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:43,650
It's just that right now
I'm not feeling particularly sexual.
284
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,810
Yeah, all...all right.
Don't pour your heart out.
285
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,730
I'm not that interested.
Drink your drink.
286
00:19:47,730 --> 00:19:51,050
How many's that?
287
00:19:51,050 --> 00:19:53,570
It's like my third, Mum.
288
00:19:54,890 --> 00:19:58,330
It's like all that stuff that Miller
says about the Cold War.
289
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:01,650
Like, I didn't even know
I was making that comparison.
290
00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:03,530
It's like she sees into my soul.
291
00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:04,730
Whoops! Oh.
292
00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:07,770
Sorry, I think
I'm a little bit drunk.
293
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:10,610
Yeah, that's a surprisingly
coherent assessment.
294
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,450
Are you OK, babe?
295
00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:16,450
Do you know your fucking problem,
Kingsley? Chris.
296
00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:20,770
You're too fucking nice.
297
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,570
You wanna keep a hold of him, love.
298
00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:29,570
Cos most of 'em are just drunks
and cunts.
299
00:20:32,170 --> 00:20:34,770
Another round.
300
00:20:34,770 --> 00:20:38,770
Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
301
00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:48,530
You know, I shouldn't even be a mum.
Yeah.
302
00:20:48,530 --> 00:20:52,530
I tried to go to the clinic to have
an abortion but they said I was
too late. Fucking wankers.
303
00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:57,250
But, I mean, obviously,
you don't regret it, though?
304
00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:59,370
Having Vod?
305
00:20:59,370 --> 00:21:00,690
Every day.
306
00:21:00,690 --> 00:21:04,570
That's why I used to palm her off
on her nan as much as I could.
307
00:21:04,570 --> 00:21:06,890
Oh.
308
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,890
Doesn't it drive you crazy living
with her? She's so fucking messy.
309
00:21:12,610 --> 00:21:15,970
Well, we're all quite...quite messy,
to be honest.
310
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:19,010
Vod's great. She's funny.
311
00:21:19,010 --> 00:21:23,010
She...she's hot. She's a ledge.
312
00:21:23,930 --> 00:21:25,650
I don't know why you're all
defending her
313
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:27,850
cos she thinks you're all
a load of geeks and poshos.
314
00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:30,770
Yeah, and you, specifically.
315
00:21:30,770 --> 00:21:34,770
The word...the word
she used for you was twat.
316
00:21:34,930 --> 00:21:36,010
Oh?
317
00:21:36,010 --> 00:21:38,410
You think you're all her friends
318
00:21:38,410 --> 00:21:41,890
but what you don't understand is
Milly hasn't got any friends.
319
00:21:41,890 --> 00:21:44,330
She's cold.
320
00:21:44,330 --> 00:21:47,330
Cold, cold, cold. Ha-ha.
321
00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:51,330
Even when she was a baby, she had, like,
these cold, dead eyes of a killer.
322
00:21:51,450 --> 00:21:53,090
I've been scared of her
all her life.
323
00:21:53,090 --> 00:21:56,570
You never know
what she's gonna do next.
324
00:21:56,570 --> 00:22:00,570
Me, on the other hand...
325
00:22:04,170 --> 00:22:08,170
..I am a fuckload of fun.
326
00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:10,970
OK, look, I'm a bit of
a fan of licking
327
00:22:10,970 --> 00:22:14,170
but I personally found that
very intrusive.
328
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:24,490
Oh, what have you done?
329
00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:26,570
Er...excuse me?
330
00:22:26,570 --> 00:22:29,500
I'm sorry. Er...we need another card.
This one's been declined.
331
00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:41,090
Crying. Beer mats.
332
00:22:41,090 --> 00:22:43,730
And now cheese.
333
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:47,090
I don't think I'm adding two and two
together and getting five,
334
00:22:47,090 --> 00:22:51,090
when I say,
"Will he actually kill himself?"
335
00:22:51,650 --> 00:22:55,650
He's a student.
Student suicide is on the increase.
336
00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:59,210
Interesting. He might stab himself...
337
00:22:59,210 --> 00:23:03,210
multiple times. Although,
would he actually have stabbed
himself or would he have faked it?
338
00:23:03,730 --> 00:23:07,730
Oh!
339
00:23:09,050 --> 00:23:13,050
My, er...mum's
got something that she wants to say.
340
00:23:13,970 --> 00:23:15,530
Chris? Yeah.
341
00:23:15,530 --> 00:23:18,370
Er...yeah, sorry about last night.
342
00:23:18,370 --> 00:23:19,850
Erm...and, er...
343
00:23:19,850 --> 00:23:23,530
for the record,
er...yeah, Vod loves you guys.
344
00:23:23,530 --> 00:23:26,250
So...so, like, nothing I said
was true.
345
00:23:26,250 --> 00:23:29,650
So, erm...I'm just having a few
personal problems at the moment.
346
00:23:29,650 --> 00:23:33,650
Jim, my boyfriend, sort of. Ha-ha!
He's a gambler. Blackjack.
347
00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:36,770
He's got this system where like,
er...you track the dealer
348
00:23:36,770 --> 00:23:38,810
through the...through the pack of
cards...
349
00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:43,810
Yeah, anyway, so, erm...yeah,
just to, like, to say sorry,
350
00:23:43,810 --> 00:23:45,610
I wanted to cook you dinner.
351
00:23:45,610 --> 00:23:47,330
Cos I cook this fantastic
Barbary duck.
352
00:23:47,330 --> 00:23:50,570
So, don't...don't eat today.
Cos it's gonna be massive.
353
00:23:50,570 --> 00:23:52,090
Yeah?
354
00:23:52,090 --> 00:23:54,050
Oh, yeah. So, I'm so, so sorry. Hm!
355
00:23:54,050 --> 00:23:58,010
Yeah.
356
00:23:58,010 --> 00:24:01,850
Object to objectification!
357
00:24:01,850 --> 00:24:04,250
Object to objectification!
358
00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:06,850
I object to your objections
to objectification.
359
00:24:06,850 --> 00:24:10,850
Candice, as I'm sure you can
appreciate, for someone like me,
360
00:24:11,490 --> 00:24:15,490
erm...depictions,
representations, if you like,
361
00:24:15,810 --> 00:24:19,090
are all that's available to me
in terms of intimacy.
362
00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:22,170
Those of us who exist on a mainly
solitary basis, you know,
363
00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:24,970
we have to often resort
to the only means available.
364
00:24:24,970 --> 00:24:27,610
I'm a bit lost. Are you talking
about wanking off to porn?
365
00:24:27,610 --> 00:24:30,090
No!
366
00:24:30,090 --> 00:24:32,930
But if I was?
Porn is very exploitative, Howard.
367
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:35,890
Yes, I know that, Morpheus,
thanks to you and your red pill.
368
00:24:35,890 --> 00:24:38,370
So, that's why I looked up
organic porn.
369
00:24:38,370 --> 00:24:41,410
You know, the free-range stuff,
the good stuff.
370
00:24:41,410 --> 00:24:43,930
Where the women have space
to roam around?
371
00:24:43,930 --> 00:24:46,170
And it turns out
it doesn't exist. No.
372
00:24:46,170 --> 00:24:50,170
So, I would very much like to go
back and take the blue pill. Please.
373
00:24:50,170 --> 00:24:51,570
I'm not sure I follow.
374
00:24:51,570 --> 00:24:54,410
Candice, I don't want to wank off
to art.
375
00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:56,370
I've done it before.
It just isn't the same.
376
00:24:56,370 --> 00:25:00,370
Well, if you're that desperate,
we could always just have sex.
377
00:25:01,570 --> 00:25:04,490
That was a feminist joke.
378
00:25:04,490 --> 00:25:08,490
I've got a tutorial.
Shit.
379
00:25:09,450 --> 00:25:12,570
I'll not endure it.
380
00:25:12,570 --> 00:25:15,690
His knights grow...
381
00:25:15,690 --> 00:25:18,250
Ooh.
382
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:20,810
Hey, Vod. Where's your mum?
383
00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:24,810
Oh, out buying ingredients. Heh.
384
00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:28,610
Bit glad of a breather, as it goes.
She's winding me right up.
385
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,690
Mums, eh? Drive you mental.
386
00:25:30,690 --> 00:25:34,690
Yeah. I just hate the way you always
have to look out for your mum. You know?
387
00:25:36,570 --> 00:25:39,210
Like you take your eyes off her
for one second
388
00:25:39,210 --> 00:25:42,690
and she's fucking buying speed
off an undercover cop
389
00:25:42,690 --> 00:25:46,690
or shagging your geography teacher
at parents' evening, I mean, you know?
390
00:25:48,810 --> 00:25:51,090
Yeah, I guess.
It's like having a kid.
391
00:25:51,090 --> 00:25:55,090
Only worse.
At least a kid leaves home at 14.
392
00:25:56,170 --> 00:25:57,850
Oh...
393
00:25:57,850 --> 00:26:00,250
Mums, eh?
394
00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:04,250
Yeah.
395
00:26:14,170 --> 00:26:18,170
OK, so, I don't particularly, er...
for various reasons, give a fuck,
396
00:26:19,090 --> 00:26:21,850
but we've noticed you seem
a bit weird.
397
00:26:21,850 --> 00:26:23,930
I'm fine.
398
00:26:25,610 --> 00:26:28,130
Will you tell us
if you're going to kill yourself?
399
00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:31,010
Because we don't want to
have to live with the guilt.
400
00:26:31,010 --> 00:26:34,050
I say we. I mean Josie. She feels
responsible, for some reason.
401
00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:38,050
Probably cos she feels guilty
that when you slept together, she faked it.
402
00:26:39,210 --> 00:26:43,130
Um...she definitely
didn't fake it, either time.
403
00:26:43,130 --> 00:26:44,650
Like you'd even know.
404
00:26:44,650 --> 00:26:48,010
Um...I'd know. I can tell.
I know the signs.
405
00:26:48,010 --> 00:26:50,810
What signs?
I can't remember all of them.
406
00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:54,010
I'd have to dig out my stack of FHMs.
407
00:26:54,010 --> 00:26:56,770
Why? Do you want sex tips?
408
00:26:56,770 --> 00:27:00,370
Are you kidding me?
I give sex tips. I don't take them.
409
00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:03,010
Ear lick. Rotate the pudendum.
Bum tickle.
410
00:27:03,010 --> 00:27:04,050
Wow!
411
00:27:04,050 --> 00:27:07,890
I'm like a drone for the G-spot.
You should be writing this down.
412
00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:09,810
Thanks, Kingsley,
413
00:27:09,810 --> 00:27:12,810
but it's like you're rolling out
GCSE physics,
414
00:27:12,810 --> 00:27:14,930
but you're talking to Einstein.
415
00:27:14,930 --> 00:27:17,610
I'm OK in that department.
416
00:27:17,610 --> 00:27:19,570
Thanks.
417
00:27:19,570 --> 00:27:23,570
Now go on, fuck off.
418
00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:32,250
All right, Einstein?
419
00:27:39,490 --> 00:27:42,330
Oh, hey. Do you think
420
00:27:42,330 --> 00:27:45,250
there's any chance that
the Trudi Miller who wrote my review
421
00:27:45,250 --> 00:27:48,930
also works at the University of Cincinnati
and lectures in graphic design?
422
00:27:48,930 --> 00:27:51,370
No.
423
00:27:51,370 --> 00:27:55,170
Erm...see this...
424
00:27:55,170 --> 00:27:59,170
..sexual objectification,
I mean, how big a deal is it?
425
00:28:01,890 --> 00:28:03,850
It doesn't affect you, does it?
426
00:28:03,850 --> 00:28:06,090
No way. Well, not me.
427
00:28:06,090 --> 00:28:08,490
I mean, when I was at school, yeah.
428
00:28:08,490 --> 00:28:12,490
Cos, erm...men in white vans always beep
at you when you're in your school uniform.
429
00:28:12,970 --> 00:28:16,970
But other than that, only when
I'm walking home alone late at night.
430
00:28:17,090 --> 00:28:18,890
Or going past a building site.
431
00:28:18,890 --> 00:28:20,570
Or wearing a short skirt.
432
00:28:20,570 --> 00:28:22,210
Or on the beach.
433
00:28:22,210 --> 00:28:25,170
Sometimes in a club maybe?
434
00:28:25,170 --> 00:28:27,130
Oh, and once I was in Florence
435
00:28:27,130 --> 00:28:29,530
and there was this strange man
who put his hand on my arse
436
00:28:29,530 --> 00:28:31,610
and, um...showed me his willy.
437
00:28:31,610 --> 00:28:35,010
And then, when I got back to the
hotel, I found jizz on my rucksack.
438
00:28:35,010 --> 00:28:39,010
But other than that
it's, like, no big deal. Why?
439
00:28:39,810 --> 00:28:42,690
The red pill is a bitter pill
to swallow.
440
00:28:42,690 --> 00:28:45,370
Right, shift up.
441
00:28:45,370 --> 00:28:46,890
What...what are you doing?
442
00:28:46,890 --> 00:28:50,130
I am going to help you find
Trudi Miller.
443
00:28:50,130 --> 00:28:53,610
How come?
Generalised feelings of guilt.
444
00:28:53,610 --> 00:28:56,850
Cool. There is nothing on Google.
445
00:28:56,850 --> 00:28:58,850
I have my ways.
446
00:28:58,850 --> 00:29:02,370
No, I just want to look into her eyes
and say,
447
00:29:02,370 --> 00:29:05,970
"Thank you, Trudi,
you've changed my life."
448
00:29:05,970 --> 00:29:08,130
Hm. Interesting.
449
00:29:08,130 --> 00:29:10,770
There's a...what seems to be
co-ordinates.
450
00:29:10,770 --> 00:29:14,770
If I triangulate those,
I should get a map location.
451
00:29:16,770 --> 00:29:18,570
Yup. There we go.
452
00:29:18,570 --> 00:29:21,570
Do you know that bit of waste ground
behind Humanities?
453
00:29:21,570 --> 00:29:23,290
How weird.
454
00:29:23,290 --> 00:29:26,770
Maybe she's some kind
of wise-woman guru type.
455
00:29:26,770 --> 00:29:30,770
I'd better go check it out.
Thanks, Howard.
456
00:29:32,050 --> 00:29:33,650
His knights grow... Riotous.
457
00:29:33,650 --> 00:29:36,130
Yeah, I know. Er...
458
00:29:36,130 --> 00:29:38,410
His knights grow riotous,
459
00:29:38,410 --> 00:29:42,210
and himself upbraids us
on every trifle...
460
00:29:44,650 --> 00:29:48,650
What?
Trifle. That's a joke, isn't it?
461
00:29:49,890 --> 00:29:51,130
I don't think so.
462
00:29:51,130 --> 00:29:54,410
Oh, yeah. Shakespeare's
full of double meanings.
463
00:29:54,410 --> 00:29:56,210
Well, she's meant to be angry.
464
00:29:56,210 --> 00:29:58,250
Yeah, I know, but it's a bit
sort of...
465
00:29:58,250 --> 00:30:01,530
if it hasn't got any humour in it,
it's a bit...
466
00:30:01,530 --> 00:30:04,530
Anyway, what...what do I know?
Come on. Carry on, carry on.
467
00:30:04,530 --> 00:30:08,530
Er...no, don't...don't worry about it.
I'd better go, or I'll be late if I don't.
468
00:30:09,970 --> 00:30:12,610
Oh.
469
00:30:12,610 --> 00:30:16,530
Aw.
470
00:30:16,530 --> 00:30:20,530
Don't be late for Barbary duck!
471
00:30:44,570 --> 00:30:48,570
Oh.
472
00:30:56,010 --> 00:30:59,490
It's a bit small, isn't it?
I think it suits you.
473
00:30:59,490 --> 00:31:01,890
There she is, boys.
474
00:31:01,890 --> 00:31:04,010
Mick from the shop
is pretty peed off with you.
475
00:31:04,010 --> 00:31:07,850
So? You know what your problem is,
sweetheart?
476
00:31:07,850 --> 00:31:09,290
You're a munter.
477
00:31:09,290 --> 00:31:11,370
You're pug.
478
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:14,130
No-one's going to ask you
to take your tits out for a magazine
479
00:31:14,130 --> 00:31:15,970
so you're just jealous
of girls who can.
480
00:31:15,970 --> 00:31:18,970
I don't agree with that statement
on various levels.
481
00:31:18,970 --> 00:31:22,970
Thank you, Howard.
And who says I can't get my tits out?
482
00:31:23,330 --> 00:31:25,650
I don't object to nudity.
483
00:31:25,650 --> 00:31:27,610
I just don't like being objectified.
484
00:31:27,610 --> 00:31:29,610
Well, I object to your nudity!
485
00:31:29,610 --> 00:31:32,090
Fine! I'll get them out, then!
486
00:31:32,090 --> 00:31:34,530
I am flying in the face
of body fascism!
487
00:31:34,530 --> 00:31:36,690
I don't think you are,
young lady!
488
00:31:36,690 --> 00:31:39,650
This is a public place.
Get off me! Leave me alone!
489
00:31:39,650 --> 00:31:43,490
I'm getting my tits out, Candice!
I'm getting 'em out for the girls!
490
00:31:43,490 --> 00:31:47,490
Thank you.
491
00:31:58,130 --> 00:32:01,250
And himself upbraids us
492
00:32:01,250 --> 00:32:05,250
on every trifle.
493
00:32:06,050 --> 00:32:10,050
On every trifle.
494
00:32:16,170 --> 00:32:20,170
Fuck this.
495
00:32:25,890 --> 00:32:29,890
Can I boil you a cup of tea?
No, thanks.
496
00:32:30,210 --> 00:32:34,010
Trudi Miller loved your piece.
I'm glad Trudi Miller loved it.
497
00:32:34,010 --> 00:32:37,570
I'm just not glad that Trudi Miller
turned out to be Tony Shales.
498
00:32:37,570 --> 00:32:41,050
"I found myself hoping that
this young woman would live her life
499
00:32:41,050 --> 00:32:43,450
"as courageously as she writes
her plays."
500
00:32:43,450 --> 00:32:45,530
I meant that.
I thought you saw into my soul.
501
00:32:45,530 --> 00:32:48,250
But you were just trying
to persuade me to shag you again.
502
00:32:48,250 --> 00:32:50,610
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Obviously you don't want to.
503
00:32:53,090 --> 00:32:55,210
Do you? No!
504
00:32:55,210 --> 00:32:59,210
OK, OK.
505
00:32:59,250 --> 00:33:03,250
I thought your play was very brave.
That's all.
506
00:33:03,650 --> 00:33:06,930
It wasn't. It was terrible.
I'm a terrible writer.
507
00:33:06,930 --> 00:33:09,650
Only your dialogue.
Your prose is much better.
508
00:33:09,650 --> 00:33:13,250
You've never read any of my prose.
509
00:33:13,250 --> 00:33:15,890
So, is this where you live now?
510
00:33:15,890 --> 00:33:18,810
Oh, God, no! Ha-ha-ha!
Only during the week.
511
00:33:18,810 --> 00:33:21,770
At weekends
I'm back at Mum and Dad's.
512
00:33:21,770 --> 00:33:25,770
Just an accumulation
of various shit things, really.
513
00:33:25,850 --> 00:33:28,770
It's funny,
you think your life's all sorted.
514
00:33:28,770 --> 00:33:32,770
Then one thing leads to another
and before you know it, it's not.
515
00:33:35,570 --> 00:33:37,570
Ah, well.
516
00:33:37,570 --> 00:33:39,610
It's all water under the bridge now.
517
00:33:39,610 --> 00:33:43,090
Tell you what, though.
It'd make a good plot, wouldn't it?
518
00:33:43,090 --> 00:33:45,090
I'm not going to write
a play about you, Tony.
519
00:33:45,090 --> 00:33:47,290
OK.
520
00:33:57,090 --> 00:33:59,250
Oh, fuck.
521
00:33:59,250 --> 00:34:02,170
I think she's had a bit more
than she's letting on.
522
00:34:02,170 --> 00:34:05,050
Why don't you ask her
to slow down a bit?
523
00:34:05,050 --> 00:34:07,810
Oh, yeah, good idea.
Have you got a mum?
524
00:34:07,810 --> 00:34:09,970
I don't understand.
525
00:34:09,970 --> 00:34:13,690
Well, it would be like the time I asked
her not to get pissed at sports day.
526
00:34:13,690 --> 00:34:15,850
What does she do?
Drops acid instead.
527
00:34:15,850 --> 00:34:19,850
Thinks another kid's me. Tries to
take him home. Police got involved.
528
00:34:19,930 --> 00:34:23,930
It's just usual mum shit.
You know what I'm talking about.
529
00:34:23,930 --> 00:34:26,570
Yeah, my mum's more sort of like,
530
00:34:26,570 --> 00:34:30,450
"If you get your nose pierced, I'll throw
you out the house" sort of thing.
531
00:34:30,450 --> 00:34:34,290
Yeah. Mine's like, "Don't drink too much, don't
do drugs and never eat cheese before bed."
532
00:34:34,290 --> 00:34:38,290
Starters are up. Ha-ha-ha!
533
00:34:39,330 --> 00:34:42,890
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Me first.
534
00:34:42,890 --> 00:34:45,650
This is good.
Coke staves off the Beast.
535
00:34:45,650 --> 00:34:48,170
Ha! Hoo!
536
00:34:48,170 --> 00:34:52,170
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
537
00:34:52,170 --> 00:34:54,810
Little Miss Goody-Goody's
not so good after all.
538
00:34:54,810 --> 00:34:56,810
Chris... What? It's a joke.
539
00:34:56,810 --> 00:34:59,130
She thinks it's funny!
540
00:34:59,130 --> 00:35:02,090
I see you, blondie.
Yeah, I see everything.
541
00:35:02,090 --> 00:35:04,530
Why don't we go and do the duck?
Sniff it up, Boris!
542
00:35:04,530 --> 00:35:07,570
It won't help you get it up,
but it might take your mind off it.
543
00:35:09,410 --> 00:35:11,130
In the kitchen now!
544
00:35:11,130 --> 00:35:13,890
I see the pretentious try-hard
with her arty hairdo.
545
00:35:13,890 --> 00:35:17,890
I see Little Miss Mousey,
who's gonna end up fucking the freak.
546
00:35:18,610 --> 00:35:21,650
Ha-ha! And I see him, yeah,
who can't get it up
547
00:35:21,650 --> 00:35:24,410
cos he's too in love with
the girl that rejected him.
548
00:35:24,410 --> 00:35:27,170
Oh, that is a shame.
549
00:35:27,170 --> 00:35:29,730
That's hard. Not hard, in fact.
550
00:35:29,730 --> 00:35:33,530
And I see them
with their doomed relationship!
551
00:35:35,890 --> 00:35:38,410
Well, that woman is
clearly delusional.
552
00:35:38,410 --> 00:35:41,370
You fucking idiot!
553
00:35:41,370 --> 00:35:43,730
You fucking moron, Violet!
554
00:35:43,730 --> 00:35:45,970
I told you I was cooking
Barbary duck.
555
00:35:45,970 --> 00:35:48,410
How could you let me
forget to buy the duck?
556
00:35:48,410 --> 00:35:51,650
Er...right, sorry about that, guys.
557
00:35:51,650 --> 00:35:53,810
Erm...it's just the Beast.
558
00:35:53,810 --> 00:35:56,130
Probably best to evacuate the area.
559
00:35:56,130 --> 00:35:57,890
Who's the Beast?
560
00:35:57,890 --> 00:36:01,890
I've...I've got two mums,
Amazing Mum and Mum the Beast,
561
00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:04,890
and after a certain amount
of alcohol,
562
00:36:04,890 --> 00:36:07,850
the Beast comes out and there's
nothing you can do about it.
563
00:36:07,850 --> 00:36:11,050
It's best to go upstairs,
564
00:36:11,050 --> 00:36:13,690
hide under your bed
and, er...wait for it to pass out.
565
00:36:13,690 --> 00:36:15,570
- Fuck!
- Vod.
566
00:36:15,570 --> 00:36:19,330
I believe what you have is not two mums,
but one mum who drinks too much.
567
00:36:19,330 --> 00:36:22,970
Yeah, she has to drink too much,
because she's unhappy,
568
00:36:22,970 --> 00:36:25,810
because I ruined her life
by being born.
569
00:36:25,810 --> 00:36:29,810
But you didn't choose to be born.
We... None of us did.
570
00:36:33,130 --> 00:36:36,730
Yeah, that's true, isn't it?
571
00:36:36,730 --> 00:36:38,490
Fuck.
572
00:36:38,490 --> 00:36:41,770
You idiot!
Time to go.
573
00:36:41,770 --> 00:36:45,410
Well, everyone say thank you
to the millstone for fucking up the dinner,
574
00:36:45,410 --> 00:36:47,730
as well as everything else.
575
00:36:47,730 --> 00:36:50,530
You're a shit mum.
Oh, that is fucking charming.
576
00:36:50,530 --> 00:36:54,170
I offer to cook you dinner and I forget
one ingredient and I'm a shit mum?
577
00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:57,810
You know what I'm like when I go shopping.
You should have reminded me.
578
00:36:57,810 --> 00:37:01,810
Remembered your coke, though, didn't you?
Remembered your eight bottles of wine? Exactly.
579
00:37:01,850 --> 00:37:03,050
So, how am I shit?
580
00:37:03,050 --> 00:37:07,050
Because...this feeling I get
when I'm with you...
581
00:37:09,490 --> 00:37:13,490
...like I'm shit, that's cos of you!
582
00:37:14,410 --> 00:37:18,410
And I've always thought, "If Mum
thinks I'm shit, then I must be shit,
583
00:37:18,410 --> 00:37:21,090
"cos mums are supposed to think
their kids are nice."
584
00:37:21,090 --> 00:37:24,330
But actually it's you that's shit!
585
00:37:24,330 --> 00:37:28,330
Say that again. Go on, I dare you.
586
00:37:29,970 --> 00:37:33,090
Why? What you gonna do?
587
00:37:33,090 --> 00:37:37,090
You're shit.
588
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:40,330
Shit.
589
00:37:40,330 --> 00:37:42,410
You fucking selfish little bitch!
590
00:37:42,410 --> 00:37:45,570
Stop! This is no way to solve...
I fucking don't believe this!
591
00:37:45,570 --> 00:37:48,810
I have given up my whole life
for this! You're shit!
592
00:37:48,810 --> 00:37:50,090
I should warn you...
You're fucking shit!
593
00:37:50,090 --> 00:37:53,210
I have been in a fight before and I'm not
afraid to... You can fuck off as well!
594
00:37:53,210 --> 00:37:56,530
You fucking ruined my fucking life!
595
00:37:56,530 --> 00:37:59,410
And I can't stand it
any fucking more!
596
00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:03,330
Yes! I don't even like melon!
I don't like fucking melon!
597
00:38:03,330 --> 00:38:06,330
You make me sick, all of you!
598
00:38:06,330 --> 00:38:09,650
Where's your fucking dad, eh?
599
00:38:09,650 --> 00:38:11,930
Where was your fucking dad?
600
00:38:11,930 --> 00:38:14,290
Now you know
why I get cross with you!
601
00:38:14,290 --> 00:38:18,290
Cos I'm fed up with your shit!
602
00:38:19,850 --> 00:38:22,330
We're not doomed, are we?
603
00:38:22,330 --> 00:38:25,330
No, we're not doomed.
604
00:38:41,490 --> 00:38:44,530
I think I know why I couldn't
get it up with your mum.
605
00:38:45,810 --> 00:38:48,570
Yeah, mate, that's just...
606
00:38:48,570 --> 00:38:51,970
it's not a great sentence,
you know?
607
00:38:51,970 --> 00:38:55,970
It wasn't just because it was morally wrong
and a betrayal of our friendship.
608
00:38:59,890 --> 00:39:03,170
It was because she wasn't Sam...
609
00:39:03,170 --> 00:39:07,170
and...I miss Sam.
610
00:39:08,130 --> 00:39:12,130
I know you guys all think
that I'm this...lovable rogue...
611
00:39:12,570 --> 00:39:15,130
this happy-go-lucky sex machine,
612
00:39:15,130 --> 00:39:18,850
and I'm sorry to let you down...
613
00:39:18,850 --> 00:39:21,450
..but I think...
614
00:39:21,450 --> 00:39:23,410
I think I have a broken heart!
615
00:39:29,050 --> 00:39:31,690
She wasn't good enough
for you, mate.
616
00:39:31,690 --> 00:39:34,970
Do you really mean that?
617
00:39:34,970 --> 00:39:38,690
No. But it's what people say.
618
00:39:38,690 --> 00:39:41,130
I knew JP couldn't get it up.
I knew it.
619
00:39:41,130 --> 00:39:44,450
Are you getting turned on by the thought
of JP not getting an erection?
620
00:39:46,450 --> 00:39:50,450
OK, should we be doing this?
I don't give a fuck.
621
00:40:15,610 --> 00:40:17,690
I've called you a taxi.
622
00:40:17,690 --> 00:40:19,050
Oh...
623
00:40:19,050 --> 00:40:23,050
You can't blame the Beast
this time, Mum.
624
00:40:23,770 --> 00:40:27,770
Not any more.
625
00:40:53,930 --> 00:40:57,490
That is for trying to fuck my mum.
49772
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof