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1
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:13,660
Where do we go?
Er... "Where are we going?"
2
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,379
OK, where are we going?
3
00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:20,380
Yeah, that's it.
4
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:24,779
Tell me, where are we going?
5
00:00:24,780 --> 00:00:26,779
Oh, my God. OK.
6
00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:30,379
We're going to
the... wuh-wuh-fuh-fuh-wuh.
7
00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:32,259
What? The what?
8
00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:36,260
I said, the wuh-wuh-fuh-fuh-wuh.
9
00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:39,059
What's the matter? No comprende?
No, I...
10
00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:43,060
Oh, so I can't tell you,
then, can I?
11
00:00:47,620 --> 00:00:51,620
Wuh-wuh-fuh-fuh-wuh?
12
00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:17,299
It's done. Dumped him.
13
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:18,899
Just now.
14
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:22,900
Yeah, I think he took it
pretty well.
15
00:01:23,937 --> 00:01:48,965
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
16
00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:53,859
This room is just great.
17
00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:57,860
You've got your lamp there
and the shelves with the books on it.
18
00:01:58,980 --> 00:02:02,779
That poster of Professor Robert
Winston, who I love, by the way.
19
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:05,019
Then, where I'd have pictures
of hotties,
20
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:07,499
you've got stuff that
you're actually interested in.
21
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:10,419
By all means, give me good feedback
on Onenightstand.com.
22
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:12,419
And that is just hilarious.
23
00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:13,779
What is?
24
00:02:13,780 --> 00:02:16,859
The monkey in the picture.
The monkey.
25
00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:19,259
Craig?
26
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:21,419
That's my brother... Craig.
27
00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:23,779
He has a genetic condition
28
00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:25,979
that affects bone structure
and hair growth.
29
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,659
It's incredibly rare. Oh, God.
30
00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:30,179
I'm so sorry.
31
00:02:30,180 --> 00:02:32,459
It must be so hard for your family.
32
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:36,460
He doesn't live at home.
He's a colonel in the army.
33
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:39,419
Wow! What regiment is he in?!
34
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:43,420
The Royal Banana Regiment!
I mean, what the hell, JP?!
35
00:02:44,340 --> 00:02:47,419
Of course that's not my brother,
you dickhead!
36
00:02:47,420 --> 00:02:50,059
You're... That's funny!
37
00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:51,939
You're funny.
38
00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:54,979
You try to be funny and you are!
You're funny.
39
00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:58,259
OK, I've got to go. No. Don't go.
40
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:01,819
I have to organise this quiz for
the union. It's for charity, so...
41
00:03:01,820 --> 00:03:04,979
Oh, fucking charity.
Where will it end?
42
00:03:04,980 --> 00:03:07,619
First I have to put up
with Sport Relief, now this.
43
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,859
But maybe see you tomorrow
for my birthday thing.
44
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:13,860
Yeah, defo. Can't wait.
45
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,900
Bit keen.
46
00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:35,419
Stop right there.
47
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:37,419
Have you been sat
in the hallway all night?
48
00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:39,019
When you have a collapsible chair,
49
00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:41,299
you can sit wherever the hell
you like, my friend.
50
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,259
And where, may I ask, were you?
51
00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:47,260
I was... in the geology library.
The geology library? Yes.
52
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:49,699
All night? All night.
Pulled an all-nighter.
53
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:52,539
In that case, then,
you'll be able to answer me this.
54
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:55,100
Where is the geology library?
55
00:03:57,420 --> 00:04:00,019
Damn you! You cunning bastard!
56
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:03,459
You were with her, weren't you?
Look, Howard, I gave you your window.
57
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,539
You slept with her? Yeah, twice.
58
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:07,819
You put your dick through my window?
59
00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:10,939
I'd still be in bed with her now
if she wasn't out doing stuff.
60
00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:13,659
A brainy quiz for a lovely charity.
61
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,219
It's classic Sam.
62
00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:18,139
I know how clever and nice Sam is.
63
00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:21,459
I mean, before I met her, I thought
that I was clever and funny and nice,
64
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:25,460
which obviously I am,
but how clever and funny and nice?
65
00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:28,299
That's the question.
66
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,459
Would sir care for some cheese
with his sour grapes?
67
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:34,059
See? Funny AND clever.
68
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:37,859
Although admittedly not that nice.
69
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,579
That's not dumping him.
Course it is.
70
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:43,059
I took him to a crowded place
and I dumped him.
71
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:44,259
That's fly-tipping.
72
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:48,260
You fly-tipped a Mexican in a busy
department store in Rochdale.
73
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,259
Oh, what else can I do?!
74
00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:54,260
I can't talk to him.
Non hablo Pablo, remember?
75
00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:58,340
So, learn some. Muddle through.
You just need to talk and be honest.
76
00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:01,859
Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, let's all
be honest all the time.
77
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:03,939
Let's all say everything we mean.
Brilliant!
78
00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:07,379
Sorry, are... are you being sarcastic?
Because everything you just said...
79
00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:09,659
Hey, guys. Oh, hi, Candice.
80
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:12,099
Um... no big deal, and I'm not
trying to tell you what to do,
81
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,739
but don't call a group of women
"guys". I find it quite jarring.
82
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:17,659
OK, sorry.
I just had an amazing lecture.
83
00:05:17,660 --> 00:05:19,939
OK. I don't mind, obvs,
but, um... maybe you want
84
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:22,659
to dial down the enthusiasm
when you're with your peers?
85
00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:26,219
Whatever!
Chaucer with Professor Shales.
86
00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:29,739
He's very cool.
No. No, he is not cool, OK?
87
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,619
Yeah, he is. He read a bit out
and almost started to cry.
88
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:36,619
He was drinking a Starbucks and
he kept talking about his hangover.
89
00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:38,899
He's about as cool as Fearne Cotton
90
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:41,619
wearing a baseball cap
on sideways saying "Peace out".
91
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,899
He's not cool.
Do not think he's cool.
92
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:46,379
He's thinking about
having a little salon
93
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,499
for me and some of his other
top students at his place.
94
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,339
In his camper van?
95
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:53,459
You can't have a salon
in a camper van.
96
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:56,819
It's true he lives in a camper van?
I thought it was an urban myth.
97
00:05:56,820 --> 00:06:00,219
Load of girls, are they, all his
top students? Plenty of skirt?
98
00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:02,219
I don't know, but he gave me an A.
99
00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:04,139
I think we're on
the same wavelength.
100
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,859
Gave me loads of advice.
101
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,979
Please show me your essays, Candice.
102
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:10,779
Why? I know what to look for.
The comments.
103
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:14,780
This is how it starts.
Let me have a look.
104
00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:19,779
Oh.
105
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:23,780
Here we go.
106
00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:30,979
Are flowers for Josie weird?
107
00:06:30,980 --> 00:06:33,739
Vod thinks they're weird.
But then Vod calls me Lord Snooty
108
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:35,939
for using a bottle opener
instead of my teeth.
109
00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:38,339
Is this cos you were humping Heather
whilst humping Josie?
110
00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:40,219
Feeling guilty, Giggsy? No.
111
00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:42,500
What have I got to be guilty about?
112
00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:47,379
Heather seems to be in Hong Kong
indefinitely, so no guilt.
113
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:51,380
I've got nothing to hide,
so long as no-one knows.
114
00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:56,059
Ooh, actually, Knutsford,
could you help me a sec?
115
00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:59,339
OK, so, basically, I'm drafting
this text message to Sam,
116
00:06:59,340 --> 00:07:02,219
and I want it to say
something along the lines of,
117
00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:03,819
"I have received your instructions
118
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:06,939
"for tomorrow evening,
and I agree to them."
119
00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:08,379
But that sounds a bit dry.
120
00:07:08,380 --> 00:07:12,380
So, do I go something high concept
like, "I'm on it something chronic"?
121
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:15,539
Or something way simpler like,
"Sweet" or "Big-time"?
122
00:07:15,540 --> 00:07:17,619
Or, my current favourite...
123
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:19,579
"Yes"?
124
00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:21,339
Yeah, sounds great.
125
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:25,340
Send and bend.
126
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:29,419
What the fuckle-doodle-do is that?
127
00:07:29,420 --> 00:07:33,420
Nothing.
128
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,299
Oh, hiya! Oh, my God.
129
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,379
You've really gone and done it now,
haven't you?
130
00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:40,699
JP, chill out.
It's just a Kingsley flap.
131
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,059
Vod! Come and look
at what they've done now!
132
00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:45,339
What do you mean, done now?
Eurgh!
133
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,819
It's so that the zoo animals
can diddle with each other 24/7.
134
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:52,579
Call the verminator. We have been
infested with a house couple. Oh...
135
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:54,659
You live with your husband.
Not any more, mate.
136
00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:57,019
Yeah, well, you're gonna be
getting a break from us.
137
00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:58,979
We're going to Buxton
for an amazing weekend.
138
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:00,739
We are? Yeah, camping.
139
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:02,339
Oh!
140
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:04,979
No... er, yeah.
I thought that was just an idea.
141
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:08,980
But, no, I love camping.
142
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:12,179
In an actual tent?
Yes, an actual tent.
143
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:16,099
Hm.
144
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:20,100
Huh? When did you get back?
Since half an hour.
145
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:23,579
There's a direct bus from Rochdale
seven minutes after the hour.
146
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:25,059
Right, I didn't know that.
147
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:27,859
From outside wuh-wuh-fuh-fuh-wuh.
Yeah. Where did you go?
148
00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:30,899
I look around, you're gone.
You extinguished your phone.
149
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:34,579
What is the fuck? To be honest, I was
sort of hoping you'd get the hint.
150
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,179
Hint? What is hint?
151
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:39,019
Well, a hint is when
you drop someone off in Rochdale
152
00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:41,299
cos you need them to move out.
153
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:44,819
Oh, you know,
JP is being an arsehole
154
00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:48,699
about me subletting my room
and stuff. JT? JT wants me to go?
155
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:51,379
No, I'm saying...
156
00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:52,939
they all do.
157
00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:55,339
And you? You think what?
158
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:59,340
I guess it's for the best.
159
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:03,219
Are you, er... going now?
Cos that'd be ideal.
160
00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:04,779
I'm going to play football.
161
00:09:04,780 --> 00:09:07,899
What? Who with?
Humphrey, Sergei, Italo.
162
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:11,900
Some of the boys from Pret.
When are you going, then? Javier?
163
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:16,219
Oi! Don't spit in the bin,
you weirdo!
164
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:17,819
Chinga a tu puta madre!
165
00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:19,579
Yeah, yeah!
166
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:23,966
Well, Y Tu Mama Tambien... mate!
167
00:09:34,506 --> 00:09:36,705
Hello? Morning.
168
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:38,945
Made you some tea. Why?
169
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:42,946
What's going on? Nothing.
Just a delicious brew.
170
00:09:43,986 --> 00:09:47,305
Look, JP, I overreacted.
171
00:09:47,306 --> 00:09:51,185
I'm sorry. I can see that
you and Sam belong together.
172
00:09:51,186 --> 00:09:55,186
I am the... Rhys Ifans to your
Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts.
173
00:09:56,866 --> 00:10:00,866
So, it's fine. I'll gladly step
aside. That's... very decent of you.
174
00:10:03,266 --> 00:10:06,345
Ooh, you went for the Earl.
175
00:10:06,346 --> 00:10:09,385
Feel free to have a second dip
of the bag.
176
00:10:09,386 --> 00:10:13,345
And if you... need me
to help you with her, I'll help.
177
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,225
Like Rhys Ifans probably did
in that film.
178
00:10:16,226 --> 00:10:18,785
I personally couldn't
take it past the hour mark.
179
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,785
OK, what's the stratagem here,
Howard?
180
00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:23,505
Wait for me to let down my guard
181
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:25,985
and then cut my face off
and wear it as a mask
182
00:10:25,986 --> 00:10:29,025
so that you can sneak into
Sam's room and try and hump her?
183
00:10:29,026 --> 00:10:30,945
I was a little sore. You're right.
184
00:10:30,946 --> 00:10:34,225
But, JP, really,
she's out of my league.
185
00:10:34,226 --> 00:10:38,226
Yeah. I am a eunuch
and I belong in my cave.
186
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:41,105
Oh, Howie!
187
00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:45,106
You... lovely, cockless freak.
Oi?
188
00:10:47,746 --> 00:10:51,345
I wondered... if we should do
the charity quiz together.
189
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,385
Couldn't hurt with Sam.
How nice you are
190
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:57,386
is directly related
to how much you do for charity.
191
00:11:00,866 --> 00:11:04,866
Right, I've brought sambuca,
eight WKD reds, some ouzo,
192
00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:08,185
and 15 individually sealed
plastic glasses of wine
193
00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:10,705
called Froglet, on offer.
What have you brought?
194
00:11:10,706 --> 00:11:14,025
Er... a very ripe Stilton
and some traditional lemonade.
195
00:11:14,026 --> 00:11:18,026
Great! How about we just pour it all
into the bag and see what we get?
196
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,585
Not the Stilton, obviously.
197
00:11:20,586 --> 00:11:23,385
Are you making cocktails
in a rubble sack?
198
00:11:23,386 --> 00:11:25,025
I've done it before.
It doesn't leak,
199
00:11:25,026 --> 00:11:26,825
and it's easier to pack
than a punch bowl.
200
00:11:26,826 --> 00:11:30,585
Plus it's fun, you know. You take it
in turns to hit the punch bag.
201
00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:32,265
Ha-ha! Yeah.
202
00:11:32,266 --> 00:11:34,865
OK, although it is only 11.20.
Yeah.
203
00:11:34,866 --> 00:11:37,505
I know, thank God.
We've got a lot to get through.
204
00:11:37,506 --> 00:11:40,065
I just thought
we could go for a walk,
205
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,585
get the papers, have a pub lunch.
206
00:11:42,586 --> 00:11:45,545
Yeah, although who wants
to be eating and reading
207
00:11:45,546 --> 00:11:47,865
when you could be
drinking and humping?
208
00:11:47,866 --> 00:11:50,305
OK, great, yeah,
then later, I thought
209
00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:52,625
we might just sit by the light
of the moon and explore
210
00:11:52,626 --> 00:11:56,626
every inch of each other, mentally,
physically and emotionally.
211
00:11:56,746 --> 00:11:58,985
Uh-huh. Yeah.
212
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,945
Sounds... fun.
213
00:12:00,946 --> 00:12:04,625
Too much? I just really want
to strip away all the bullshit
214
00:12:04,626 --> 00:12:07,145
and just stare into each
other's eyes,
215
00:12:07,146 --> 00:12:10,625
not just sit in a field, slowly
emptying a bin bag full of booze.
216
00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:12,745
Right, it's not a bin bag
and it's not just booze.
217
00:12:12,746 --> 00:12:16,746
I also brought Kettle Chips.
218
00:12:26,906 --> 00:12:28,705
Good morning. Morning, guys.
219
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:32,465
I, um... hard-poached some eggs,
if you want some.
220
00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:34,905
Eurgh. Looks like a spunky bathtub.
221
00:12:34,906 --> 00:12:37,745
Eggs. Eggs, you say? Interesting.
222
00:12:37,746 --> 00:12:40,785
From domesticated chickens
which, of course,
223
00:12:40,786 --> 00:12:43,625
originate from which
species of wild bird?
224
00:12:43,626 --> 00:12:45,545
Anyone?
225
00:12:45,546 --> 00:12:48,025
Um... I think red jungle fowl?
226
00:12:48,026 --> 00:12:50,905
But they were interbred
with grey jungle fowl
227
00:12:50,906 --> 00:12:53,945
or Sonnerat's jungle fowl to create
the species we have now, so...
228
00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:56,345
Congratulations, Candice.
229
00:12:56,346 --> 00:12:59,305
We would like you to join
our charity quiz team.
230
00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:02,065
Oh, wow. Great.
231
00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:04,625
My tutor mentioned this.
Sounds ace.
232
00:13:04,626 --> 00:13:07,305
Welcome to the one spot in which
I can realistically excel.
233
00:13:07,306 --> 00:13:09,185
Er... excuse me.
234
00:13:09,186 --> 00:13:11,745
It's really rude to ask her
and not me. I'm right here.
235
00:13:11,746 --> 00:13:15,746
Vod, it's not personal. We just
don't think you know very much.
236
00:13:16,066 --> 00:13:19,665
Fuck you! I know tons! I know
which way the wind's blowing
237
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:22,665
and I know why the fucking
caged bird sings.
238
00:13:22,666 --> 00:13:25,345
I know how many beans make five.
239
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,586
That could be useful. You're in.
240
00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:32,425
Hey, Javier!
241
00:13:32,426 --> 00:13:34,665
Buenos Aires!
Buenos Aires to you too!
242
00:13:34,666 --> 00:13:38,666
So, who wants a crayfish sandwich
I bring home yesterday?
243
00:13:39,346 --> 00:13:42,745
Oh... Er... hell, yeah.
244
00:13:42,746 --> 00:13:46,425
One for Howard. Gracias.
245
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:50,385
And one for Candice.
246
00:13:50,386 --> 00:13:53,465
And one for...
247
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,505
my main man! Hey!
248
00:13:55,506 --> 00:13:58,065
Er... what about me? Pardon me?
249
00:13:58,066 --> 00:14:00,585
Can I have one, please?
250
00:14:00,586 --> 00:14:04,586
No! No crayfish sandwich for Vod.
251
00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:08,985
Only... parsnip crisps for you.
252
00:14:08,986 --> 00:14:10,985
You want parsnip crisps?
253
00:14:10,986 --> 00:14:13,265
So, it's really funny, guys.
254
00:14:13,266 --> 00:14:16,705
Yesterday, my wife, she left
me at the wuh-wuh-fuh-fuh-wuh.
255
00:14:16,706 --> 00:14:19,185
At the what?
She says you want me to leave.
256
00:14:19,186 --> 00:14:21,785
What did you say that for, Vod?
Course we don't want Javier to go.
257
00:14:21,786 --> 00:14:23,665
It... it's a space thing.
258
00:14:23,666 --> 00:14:27,666
Er... well, I'm the landlord round
here, so it's my call, and I say...
259
00:14:27,786 --> 00:14:31,185
the Mexican stays.
End of.
260
00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:32,945
Well, he's my husband and maybe...
261
00:14:32,946 --> 00:14:34,505
I don't want him staying.
262
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:38,025
Well, it's my quiz team and
maybe I don't want you in that.
263
00:14:38,026 --> 00:14:39,185
Javier?
264
00:14:39,186 --> 00:14:43,185
Mi gente, how would you like
to be part of my quiz team?
265
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,985
Er... what is quiz?
266
00:14:44,986 --> 00:14:48,986
Second thoughts, probably not.
Let's ask Oregon.
267
00:14:53,586 --> 00:14:57,586
So, it's come to my attention
you've been marking my marking.
268
00:14:57,946 --> 00:15:00,945
Yeah, well, I thought you might
want to have another go at it.
269
00:15:00,946 --> 00:15:02,825
And I think I'm happy
with my assessment.
270
00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:05,865
An A-, Tony,
for this piece of work?
271
00:15:05,866 --> 00:15:09,425
It's a good essay. Oh, sure it is!
Telling her to have a look
272
00:15:09,426 --> 00:15:12,465
at the Freudian critical approach
as a good way in?
273
00:15:12,466 --> 00:15:15,305
Oh, yeah, that's a great way in!
I think it is.
274
00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:18,025
Stop trying to have sex
with Candice Pelling.
275
00:15:18,026 --> 00:15:20,465
Oregon! I am not.
276
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:22,025
"Could probe deeper?"
277
00:15:22,026 --> 00:15:24,305
"Good"?
278
00:15:24,306 --> 00:15:27,185
"Excellent"? Tony, come on.
279
00:15:27,186 --> 00:15:29,905
Oregon, I am not looking
to replace you.
280
00:15:29,906 --> 00:15:32,545
I loved you. I still do.
Even though you ruined my life
281
00:15:32,546 --> 00:15:34,425
and turned my wife
and son against me.
282
00:15:34,426 --> 00:15:36,345
And I look at all the hurt
I've caused
283
00:15:36,346 --> 00:15:38,465
and I hate myself
more than you ever can.
284
00:15:38,466 --> 00:15:42,466
Because I know I'd do it
all again in an instant.
285
00:15:42,746 --> 00:15:44,945
So, Candice is just amazing
at English?
286
00:15:44,946 --> 00:15:48,145
She's read a massive amount.
287
00:15:48,146 --> 00:15:50,465
Oh, sure.
288
00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:53,705
I've got a Kindle, Tony. Up here.
289
00:15:53,706 --> 00:15:56,665
You don't know how much I've read
because I don't feel the need
290
00:15:56,666 --> 00:16:00,666
to go on and on about it.
Good night.
291
00:16:00,866 --> 00:16:03,665
So, having compiled our skill sets,
292
00:16:03,666 --> 00:16:07,585
I can safely say that,
while individually we are decent,
293
00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:10,865
combined, we're the Power Rangers
of quizzing.
294
00:16:10,866 --> 00:16:13,345
Sorry, who were the, um...?
They were TV crime fighters
295
00:16:13,346 --> 00:16:16,025
that wore different coloured
motorbike courier outfits,
296
00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:18,985
and became a force of war when they
stood on each other's shoulders.
297
00:16:18,986 --> 00:16:22,305
It was pretty trippy. Anyway,
this is how we're dividing it up.
298
00:16:22,306 --> 00:16:26,225
Howard, you're taking computing,
maths, snack foods, Scotland,
299
00:16:26,226 --> 00:16:29,025
geology, politics, the sciences,
history, religion, football,
300
00:16:29,026 --> 00:16:31,465
metallurgy, flags, botany,
archaeology, architecture,
301
00:16:31,466 --> 00:16:32,985
miscellaneous and voodoo. Check.
302
00:16:32,986 --> 00:16:35,105
I've got coats of arms,
Ben Stiller movies.
303
00:16:35,106 --> 00:16:36,905
Oregon.
304
00:16:36,906 --> 00:16:40,705
You've got art, fashion, Christmas
number ones, semiprecious stones.
305
00:16:40,706 --> 00:16:43,225
Um... Candice.
You're taking classical music,
306
00:16:43,226 --> 00:16:46,425
animals, cuisine,
European Union and literature.
307
00:16:46,426 --> 00:16:48,505
Check. Wait.
I should have literature.
308
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:50,145
Well, Candice asked for literature.
309
00:16:50,146 --> 00:16:53,145
I'm a second year.
I know one more year than her.
310
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:55,465
Well, you can share.
Category sharing's fine.
311
00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:58,865
Me and Howard are sort of
sharing coats of arms, anyway.
312
00:16:58,866 --> 00:17:02,505
So, hang on, all you're bringing
to the table is Ben Stiller movies?
313
00:17:02,506 --> 00:17:04,465
And I'm OK with Swiss ski resorts.
314
00:17:04,466 --> 00:17:07,825
Anyway, I'm the captain. That's
what I'm "bringing to the team".
315
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:11,745
Shouldn't Howard be the captain?
No. JP's the captain.
316
00:17:11,746 --> 00:17:15,746
We've submitted our team already,
so JP is perfect captain material.
317
00:17:17,026 --> 00:17:20,505
Exactly. So, eggheads, hit the books.
318
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,545
I'll start strategising.
319
00:17:22,546 --> 00:17:26,546
All right, we can category share,
but all the answers go through me.
320
00:17:26,866 --> 00:17:29,665
OK, Candice? I have the final say,
but we're equal.
321
00:17:29,666 --> 00:17:32,265
Some are more equal than others.
322
00:17:32,266 --> 00:17:34,185
That's from Animal Farm.
Correct.
323
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:35,905
I know it's correct.
324
00:17:35,906 --> 00:17:39,906
So, it's irrelevant you
additionally noting I was correct.
325
00:17:42,746 --> 00:17:45,226
Help!
I've been captured by Craig!
326
00:17:47,026 --> 00:17:49,625
Your brother Craig,
the chimp in the army!
327
00:17:49,626 --> 00:17:52,745
Right. Aaah!
328
00:17:52,746 --> 00:17:55,105
Aaah! Hee-hee-hee!
329
00:17:55,106 --> 00:17:58,505
Don't worry. The monkeys have not
really enslaved mankind.
330
00:17:58,506 --> 00:18:01,585
It's... it's funny. Meant to be.
331
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:05,586
It is funny. It's not fancy dress.
You do know that?
332
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,705
Yeah, I know.
It's just that we're funny.
333
00:18:08,706 --> 00:18:11,105
That's one of the things
we have in common.
334
00:18:11,106 --> 00:18:14,905
I took your joke from yesterday
and I ran with it.
335
00:18:14,906 --> 00:18:18,906
Well, come in, then.
LOUD MUSIC PLAYING
336
00:18:31,746 --> 00:18:34,265
How long are we gonna do this?
It's trippy, isn't it?
337
00:18:34,266 --> 00:18:38,105
Yeah, but I do have to say that it's
not totally my thing, the staring,
338
00:18:38,106 --> 00:18:41,945
but presumably it's just the preamble
to the shag of the century?
339
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,865
Maybe we should do it
less pissed, tomorrow?
340
00:18:44,866 --> 00:18:46,745
No, no, let's...
let's get it out the way.
341
00:18:46,746 --> 00:18:50,746
I mean, not out of the way.
You know. Under our belts!
342
00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:58,905
Oh, um... I actually need the loo.
343
00:18:58,906 --> 00:19:02,906
Well, just unzip the door
and flop out the old hose, then.
344
00:19:03,466 --> 00:19:05,705
Yeah, I just... I'll find a tree.
345
00:19:05,706 --> 00:19:08,305
Oh, Kingsley! Can you just
hurry up? Let's hump!
346
00:19:08,306 --> 00:19:10,425
Is that what this has come down to?
347
00:19:10,426 --> 00:19:13,705
I was hoping to make
languorous love rather than just
348
00:19:13,706 --> 00:19:17,706
clang our genitals together like
a pair of sexbots. Oh, piss off.
349
00:19:17,786 --> 00:19:21,786
Given that I, you know, actually,
I... actually love you!
350
00:19:24,866 --> 00:19:27,385
Oh. OK.
351
00:19:27,386 --> 00:19:31,386
Well...
352
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,145
Thank you.
353
00:19:36,146 --> 00:19:39,385
Don't mention it.
354
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:43,386
Gonna go for my wee.
I may be some time.
355
00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:03,385
'Ey up. You all right?
356
00:20:03,386 --> 00:20:04,745
Nice threads, mate.
357
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:08,225
Yeah, very nearly wore that myself,
actually. I just couldn't decide.
358
00:20:08,226 --> 00:20:12,226
Monkey in cage or shirt and jeans?
I went shirt and jeans in the end.
359
00:20:13,066 --> 00:20:16,425
Er... yeah, mate, you can't laugh
at me, you can only laugh with me,
360
00:20:16,426 --> 00:20:18,025
because I'm making a joke.
361
00:20:18,026 --> 00:20:20,306
All right, mate.
There's no need to go ape!
362
00:20:21,906 --> 00:20:25,025
Oh, what a fucking prick.
363
00:20:25,026 --> 00:20:28,905
He's my brother.
Oh, God. He's...
364
00:20:28,906 --> 00:20:31,425
He's not, is he? No.
365
00:20:31,426 --> 00:20:33,825
So, I've got some brilliant news.
366
00:20:33,826 --> 00:20:36,945
The monkey's agreed to release you?
No. I'm entering the quiz.
367
00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:38,265
We've got a team. OK!
368
00:20:38,266 --> 00:20:42,266
Then, on behalf of everyone with
prostate cancer, many thanks.
369
00:20:43,026 --> 00:20:45,985
I...I fucking hate cancer.
Don't you?
370
00:20:45,986 --> 00:20:48,825
It's just shit, isn't it?
371
00:20:48,826 --> 00:20:51,585
So, who's captain? I am.
372
00:20:51,586 --> 00:20:54,425
OK. Very brave.
373
00:20:54,426 --> 00:20:58,265
Yeah, I just really hate cancer
so... Brave? Why?
374
00:20:58,266 --> 00:21:00,905
Cos of the whole
captains-only round.
375
00:21:00,906 --> 00:21:03,785
The final. You knew about that?
376
00:21:03,786 --> 00:21:04,945
Yeah!
377
00:21:04,946 --> 00:21:08,145
Oh, yeah, I know about the...
the captains-only round. You know.
378
00:21:08,146 --> 00:21:10,185
Roll on the captains-only round!
379
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:14,186
Let's stop pissing around
and sort out cancer!
380
00:21:14,226 --> 00:21:15,666
Brilliant!
381
00:21:18,586 --> 00:21:21,985
Last night in the tent, Kingsley
dropped the fucking L-bomb.
382
00:21:21,986 --> 00:21:23,585
He said, "I love you."
383
00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:26,945
Jesus. Yeah, n-nice one.
Way to kill the mood.
384
00:21:26,946 --> 00:21:28,545
I know! God, I hate men.
385
00:21:28,546 --> 00:21:31,465
Using the love glove to make you
wear the guilt kilt.
386
00:21:31,466 --> 00:21:33,305
What did you say back?
387
00:21:33,306 --> 00:21:36,625
Thank you. Ooh, thank you!
Did you shake his hand?
388
00:21:36,626 --> 00:21:38,705
Fuck off, all right?
He caught me off guard.
389
00:21:38,706 --> 00:21:41,625
He... punched me in the back
of the head with his love.
390
00:21:41,626 --> 00:21:42,985
Are you gonna say it back?
391
00:21:42,986 --> 00:21:45,825
I don't know. I want to.
I think I should.
392
00:21:45,826 --> 00:21:48,625
It's like I owe him
some emotional money.
393
00:21:48,626 --> 00:21:50,185
I reckon just say it back.
394
00:21:50,186 --> 00:21:53,945
Boosh. Sorted. Put that in your pipe
and smoke it. Fuck off!
395
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:56,185
Yeah, I sort of want to.
But I think if I do,
396
00:21:56,186 --> 00:21:58,985
that means I've agreed
to marry him, get a mortgage,
397
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:01,545
and buy adjoining funeral plots,
you know?
398
00:22:01,546 --> 00:22:03,025
Look, I'd better go.
399
00:22:03,026 --> 00:22:07,026
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
400
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,185
It's full of fluids.
401
00:22:10,186 --> 00:22:12,585
Look, let's just leave it.
It clearly wants us to.
402
00:22:12,586 --> 00:22:15,825
Look, about what I said last night.
403
00:22:15,826 --> 00:22:19,585
It didn't really come out
how I'd imagined it.
404
00:22:19,586 --> 00:22:23,586
What's that?
405
00:22:24,026 --> 00:22:25,145
Is this ours?
406
00:22:25,146 --> 00:22:27,825
Well, I don't think anyone else
had sex in the tent. It's empty.
407
00:22:27,826 --> 00:22:29,465
I mean, were you definitely
wearing it?
408
00:22:29,466 --> 00:22:32,745
Yes, Miss Marple. Look, just chuck
it in with all the other detritus.
409
00:22:32,746 --> 00:22:36,185
Are you sure you had it on,
you know, when you actually...?
410
00:22:36,186 --> 00:22:39,025
I think so. You made me drink
about a gallon of booze.
411
00:22:39,026 --> 00:22:42,945
I remember it going on,
but maybe it... popped off.
412
00:22:42,946 --> 00:22:45,705
Popped off? Sometimes
it's hard to get purchase.
413
00:22:45,706 --> 00:22:48,185
So, I'm now pregnant because
you've got a thin penis?
414
00:22:48,186 --> 00:22:49,985
It's not thin, it's just smooth.
415
00:22:49,986 --> 00:22:53,505
Oh, it's smooth? Oh, fab!
I'm going out with Teflon Tony,
416
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,785
who may or may not deign
to use contraception,
417
00:22:55,786 --> 00:22:58,105
and I think there is definitely
something on my leg.
418
00:22:58,106 --> 00:23:00,145
OK, well, if it's only
on your leg... Yes.
419
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:01,625
Maybe a bit dribbled onto my leg
420
00:23:01,626 --> 00:23:04,145
and the rest swam like a salmon
into the source of my vagina
421
00:23:04,146 --> 00:23:06,505
and, as we speak,
is leaping into my ovaries
422
00:23:06,506 --> 00:23:09,985
and fertilising my eggs and getting
ready to ruin my entire future!
423
00:23:09,986 --> 00:23:13,986
Look, it's happened now
so, you know, what do we do?
424
00:23:15,226 --> 00:23:16,905
Find a chemist. Morning-after.
425
00:23:16,906 --> 00:23:20,745
I've got 24 hours for 95%
effectiveness. 48 hours for 85%.
426
00:23:20,746 --> 00:23:22,865
Excellent morning-after-pill
stat retention.
427
00:23:22,866 --> 00:23:25,785
OK, fine. Fuck the tent. Let's go.
428
00:23:25,786 --> 00:23:26,933
OK.
429
00:23:37,936 --> 00:23:39,455
So, here's a funny thing.
430
00:23:39,539 --> 00:23:42,318
I've been informed
that the final round of the quiz
431
00:23:42,361 --> 00:23:45,440
is for team captains only.
Did you know that?
432
00:23:45,441 --> 00:23:47,200
In fact, you must have known,
433
00:23:47,201 --> 00:23:50,120
because you entered the team
and made me captain
434
00:23:50,121 --> 00:23:52,360
and paid 100 quid, I assume?
435
00:23:52,361 --> 00:23:55,160
That's right.
How amazingly generous of you.
436
00:23:55,161 --> 00:23:58,760
Though I can't help but wonder
why you would go to such lengths
437
00:23:58,761 --> 00:24:00,040
to get me into a situation
438
00:24:00,041 --> 00:24:03,320
where I am answering quiz questions
in front of hundreds of people
439
00:24:03,321 --> 00:24:05,400
including the girl
that I'm in love with.
440
00:24:05,401 --> 00:24:08,080
I just thought you'd be
the best person under pressure.
441
00:24:08,081 --> 00:24:09,360
Bullshit!
442
00:24:09,361 --> 00:24:12,160
I can see right through you,
Howard. Like a book!
443
00:24:12,161 --> 00:24:14,560
Oh, skewered again.
444
00:24:14,561 --> 00:24:16,920
You're not really my wingman!
445
00:24:16,921 --> 00:24:20,320
You don't think that I'm intelligent.
You think that I'm stupid.
446
00:24:20,321 --> 00:24:22,560
And you think that Sam
will see that I'm stupid.
447
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:25,120
Well, I've got news for you.
448
00:24:25,121 --> 00:24:27,360
I am not stupid.
449
00:24:27,361 --> 00:24:30,360
In fact, I am the opposite of stupid.
450
00:24:30,361 --> 00:24:32,360
Clever? Exactly!
451
00:24:32,361 --> 00:24:36,361
So, it won't work.
452
00:24:47,241 --> 00:24:51,241
OK, where the bloody hell is
this village? Why isn't it here?
453
00:24:51,601 --> 00:24:54,080
It's... What?!
454
00:24:54,081 --> 00:24:57,640
It's still two miles?!
How is it always two miles?
455
00:24:57,641 --> 00:25:00,960
Maybe we're on a ring road.
Oh, great!
456
00:25:00,961 --> 00:25:02,880
So, you've infected me
with your sperm.
457
00:25:02,881 --> 00:25:05,600
I now have a parasite
growing inside me.
458
00:25:05,601 --> 00:25:08,720
It's like a tapeworm,
except a tapeworm makes you thin
459
00:25:08,721 --> 00:25:11,240
and a baby makes you fat
and exhausted.
460
00:25:11,241 --> 00:25:14,760
OK, new plan. To the pub,
with expensively roasted meats.
461
00:25:14,761 --> 00:25:18,360
Kingsley, I need to take
the morning-after pill.
462
00:25:18,361 --> 00:25:20,640
That's why it's called
the morning-after pill,
463
00:25:20,641 --> 00:25:22,280
not the whenever-you-want pill.
464
00:25:22,281 --> 00:25:25,680
God, I honestly think having
a child would be less faff.
465
00:25:25,681 --> 00:25:27,560
Shall we just have a baby
and go to the pub?
466
00:25:27,561 --> 00:25:30,280
So first you love me and now
you want to have babies with me?
467
00:25:30,281 --> 00:25:31,600
I'm joking, Josie.
468
00:25:31,601 --> 00:25:34,360
You just said, and I quote,
I want to have a baby.
469
00:25:34,361 --> 00:25:36,000
I'm having a laugh.
But, seriously,
470
00:25:36,001 --> 00:25:38,040
they should sell the antidote
more widely.
471
00:25:38,041 --> 00:25:39,480
Don't call it the antidote. It...
472
00:25:39,481 --> 00:25:42,840
it's just a very high dose
of oestrogen or progesterone.
473
00:25:42,841 --> 00:25:46,841
OK, you've been doing pharmacology
for, like, two days.
474
00:25:47,601 --> 00:25:51,600
Oh. You probably don't approve of me
studying for a career, do you?
475
00:25:51,601 --> 00:25:54,240
Because you just want to
marry me, knock me up
476
00:25:54,241 --> 00:25:58,241
and install me in your
massive Kingsley baby farm.
477
00:26:01,361 --> 00:26:05,361
Here you go.
478
00:26:08,361 --> 00:26:10,680
Here you go, guys.
479
00:26:10,681 --> 00:26:13,760
Thank you. You'll notice
I've got the red pen, Sam.
480
00:26:13,761 --> 00:26:15,840
The red answers
will be my answers.
481
00:26:15,841 --> 00:26:19,560
The only competition I care about
is the competition to cure cancer.
482
00:26:19,561 --> 00:26:22,841
Ooh, and the MOBOs.
I love the MOBOs.
483
00:26:27,161 --> 00:26:29,040
What the fuck is he doing here?
484
00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:31,520
Well, he's... I thought you knew.
485
00:26:31,521 --> 00:26:35,521
Good evening, and welcome to
the student union charity quiz,
486
00:26:36,041 --> 00:26:39,960
which this year is raising money
for prostate cancer awareness,
487
00:26:39,961 --> 00:26:43,961
a cause close to all of our hearts,
in every sense, other than literally.
488
00:26:45,401 --> 00:26:49,401
All entrants must now hand in
any mobiles and tablets, apparently.
489
00:26:49,441 --> 00:26:51,880
Not sure why you need to do that,
but there you are.
490
00:26:51,881 --> 00:26:55,441
There will be no cheating, be it
technological or pharmaceutical.
491
00:26:57,281 --> 00:27:00,440
Rounds one to five are for the
whole team. The final round is
492
00:27:00,441 --> 00:27:03,360
for the captains of the
top four teams only. Here we go.
493
00:27:03,361 --> 00:27:06,560
Question one.
Who discovered Pluto?
494
00:27:06,561 --> 00:27:10,360
That's who discovered Pluto.
495
00:27:10,361 --> 00:27:13,680
Galileo, maybe?
No, it happened in the '30s.
496
00:27:13,681 --> 00:27:16,800
These things are often named after
the people who did it, aren't they?
497
00:27:16,801 --> 00:27:20,720
Maybe it's... like, Mr Pluto.
498
00:27:20,721 --> 00:27:22,800
Howard? Any ideas?
499
00:27:22,801 --> 00:27:25,400
Yes. Clyde Tombaugh.
500
00:27:25,401 --> 00:27:28,440
Oh, great! Good work, team.
501
00:27:28,441 --> 00:27:30,600
Clyde Tombaugh. I did know that.
502
00:27:30,601 --> 00:27:34,120
Oh, you did know that, after someone
told you the answer? That's useful.
503
00:27:34,121 --> 00:27:38,121
Question two, which composer wrote
the Quartet For The End Of Time?
504
00:27:39,961 --> 00:27:41,280
Messiaen.
505
00:27:41,281 --> 00:27:44,000
- Olivier Messiaen.
- Brilliant.
506
00:27:44,001 --> 00:27:45,520
Now we're cooking.
507
00:27:45,521 --> 00:27:47,920
Good work, Candice.
Thanks, guys.
508
00:27:47,921 --> 00:27:50,400
Well, we don't know it's right yet.
It is right.
509
00:27:50,401 --> 00:27:52,561
Question three.
510
00:28:00,001 --> 00:28:01,680
Ow!
511
00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:05,681
Fuck it!
512
00:28:10,081 --> 00:28:12,080
Espero que tengas hambre.
513
00:28:12,081 --> 00:28:14,880
Yes, very hungry. What is this?
514
00:28:14,881 --> 00:28:18,360
Te he preparado una fiesta.
515
00:28:18,361 --> 00:28:20,040
You want to say...
516
00:28:20,041 --> 00:28:22,080
I've cooked you a feast. OK.
517
00:28:22,081 --> 00:28:24,880
Because fiesta
is more "party" than "dinner".
518
00:28:24,881 --> 00:28:26,840
Oh, sorry!
519
00:28:26,841 --> 00:28:30,841
No, is good. Is why?
520
00:28:31,361 --> 00:28:34,320
Quiero pedir disculpas.
521
00:28:34,321 --> 00:28:37,600
I know you passed
your training period at Pret.
522
00:28:37,601 --> 00:28:41,601
So I've made you,
or at least tried to make...
523
00:28:41,921 --> 00:28:44,480
burritos and fajitas.
524
00:28:44,481 --> 00:28:48,481
Just to say... well done.
525
00:28:50,641 --> 00:28:54,641
leaving Mate-chester United
once more in last place.
526
00:28:57,681 --> 00:28:59,640
On with round three. Question one.
527
00:28:59,641 --> 00:29:02,440
What is the closest living
relative to the elephant?
528
00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:03,920
The Elephant Man.
529
00:29:03,921 --> 00:29:05,880
Oh, wait. No, he's dead.
530
00:29:05,881 --> 00:29:09,360
Please don't confer without us.
We're all part of the team.
531
00:29:09,361 --> 00:29:13,080
Do you know the answer?
It's... No, but...
532
00:29:13,081 --> 00:29:16,240
I'm pretty sure it was either
the hyrax or the sirenia.
533
00:29:16,241 --> 00:29:18,800
I've heard it's the sirenia.
Let's go with that.
534
00:29:18,801 --> 00:29:21,960
Don't worry, there might be some
sort of Heat magazine round
535
00:29:21,961 --> 00:29:23,280
where we come into our own.
536
00:29:23,281 --> 00:29:27,120
What? Don't lump me in with you.
I'm as good as they are.
537
00:29:27,121 --> 00:29:29,160
I'm just not getting
the right questions.
538
00:29:29,161 --> 00:29:30,520
Mm. Yeah, sure. Me too.
539
00:29:30,521 --> 00:29:33,000
I'm just not getting
the right questions.
540
00:29:33,001 --> 00:29:34,600
Question four.
541
00:29:34,601 --> 00:29:37,120
What is the name of the character
played by Ben Stiller
542
00:29:37,121 --> 00:29:38,840
in the film Dodgeball?
543
00:29:38,841 --> 00:29:41,280
I know it. I know this one.
Where's the buzzer?
544
00:29:41,281 --> 00:29:44,481
We don't have one. We've not had one
from the start. Quickly. What is it?
545
00:29:46,361 --> 00:29:50,321
White Goodman.
546
00:29:52,161 --> 00:29:54,960
Uno, dos, tres.
547
00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:58,641
Hm.
548
00:30:00,921 --> 00:30:03,480
Ooh. I'm sorry.
549
00:30:03,481 --> 00:30:07,080
About... everything.
550
00:30:07,081 --> 00:30:09,680
I've been a prick to you, Javier.
551
00:30:09,681 --> 00:30:13,040
But everything just
kind of moved so fast.
552
00:30:13,041 --> 00:30:16,360
I'm not gonna force you, but...
553
00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:19,240
I think I need my space now.
554
00:30:19,241 --> 00:30:21,920
Hell, I've got shit to do
and drawer space I need back.
555
00:30:21,921 --> 00:30:25,000
But I'll help you.
556
00:30:25,001 --> 00:30:26,880
My mate managed to wangle this.
557
00:30:26,881 --> 00:30:29,360
It's not for a few weeks
and there's a stopover,
558
00:30:29,361 --> 00:30:32,121
cos she couldn't sort direct
to Mexico City, but...
559
00:30:33,561 --> 00:30:36,680
What? That is in Mexico, right?
560
00:30:36,681 --> 00:30:39,480
I didn't check, but that'd be
a fucking piss-take if it wasn't.
561
00:30:39,481 --> 00:30:41,400
No, I don't need this.
562
00:30:41,401 --> 00:30:44,280
But I can't look after you any
more. This is what I'm saying.
563
00:30:44,281 --> 00:30:47,400
I know. I move in with Sergei
from Pret. He ask me anyway.
564
00:30:47,401 --> 00:30:49,680
Oh. Right. Really?
565
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:53,681
He has a Sky Sports and has a fridge
that makes ice, but on the door.
566
00:30:54,401 --> 00:30:58,401
Yeah, I've seen that.
Thank you, but, er...
567
00:30:58,881 --> 00:31:02,160
it's fixed.
568
00:31:02,161 --> 00:31:04,480
Cool.
569
00:31:04,481 --> 00:31:08,481
Oh, so, what do you want
to do now, then?
570
00:31:19,001 --> 00:31:21,400
So, the results
after five rounds are in,
571
00:31:21,401 --> 00:31:23,640
and I can reveal
that we have a tie
572
00:31:23,641 --> 00:31:26,880
for the last remaining place
in the captains' final
573
00:31:26,881 --> 00:31:30,520
between the Sausage Jockeys
and A Quiz Team...
574
00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:33,480
It's a conceptually sound name.
575
00:31:33,481 --> 00:31:36,480
which means that we're going to
have a tie-break, so here we go.
576
00:31:36,481 --> 00:31:38,680
Come on, guys. Concentrate.
577
00:31:38,681 --> 00:31:40,680
Which poet wrote the following?
578
00:31:40,681 --> 00:31:44,681
"I wouldn't want to be faster or
greener than now if you were with me
579
00:31:46,161 --> 00:31:50,161
"O you were the best
of all my days."
580
00:31:50,561 --> 00:31:53,520
EE Cummings.
Yeah? Are you sure?
581
00:31:53,521 --> 00:31:56,240
Definitely.
It's Frank O'Hara. I'm certain.
582
00:31:56,241 --> 00:31:59,560
No, it's EE Cummings.
It's Frank O'Hara. I promise you.
583
00:31:59,561 --> 00:32:02,280
Literature's my area.
We're sharing it.
584
00:32:02,281 --> 00:32:05,280
Well, we can't share an answer.
We can't put Frank Cummings.
585
00:32:05,281 --> 00:32:07,080
It's Frank O'Hara. It isn't.
586
00:32:07,081 --> 00:32:09,440
Please hand your papers to Sam.
587
00:32:09,441 --> 00:32:12,400
You'd better be right.
588
00:32:12,401 --> 00:32:15,760
I am. I think I am.
You THINK you are?
589
00:32:15,761 --> 00:32:18,000
The correct answer is
Frank O'Hara.
590
00:32:18,001 --> 00:32:19,080
Yes!
591
00:32:19,081 --> 00:32:21,640
So, congratulations to A Quiz Team.
592
00:32:21,641 --> 00:32:23,600
Your captain is taking you
to the final.
593
00:32:23,601 --> 00:32:25,120
Congratulations. Thanks.
594
00:32:25,121 --> 00:32:29,121
Have a look at the paper.
It's a sea of red.
595
00:32:29,161 --> 00:32:32,040
As captain, I will accept
your congratulations
596
00:32:32,041 --> 00:32:34,680
on behalf of the team.
For now I must retire,
597
00:32:34,681 --> 00:32:38,041
so that I can focus on the
challenge that lies before me.
598
00:32:41,321 --> 00:32:45,321
Sorry, I thought... It's fine.
It's... easy mistake to make.
599
00:32:46,241 --> 00:32:49,480
I didn't mean to shout you down.
It's just I am a second year, so...
600
00:32:49,481 --> 00:32:53,481
Why were you so sure?
601
00:32:56,521 --> 00:33:00,000
What was that, Oregon?
602
00:33:00,001 --> 00:33:04,001
Oh, my God.
603
00:33:11,321 --> 00:33:15,321
Yes, so, about earlier, um...
before we got to the chemist.
604
00:33:15,361 --> 00:33:19,361
When you accused me of wanting to
turn you into a baby machine/Stepford wife
605
00:33:20,641 --> 00:33:22,880
with a closed mouth
and an open vagina?
606
00:33:22,881 --> 00:33:26,480
Yeah. Bit of a comedown
off the bag of fun.
607
00:33:26,481 --> 00:33:30,160
But I am glad... that you love
me and everything.
608
00:33:30,161 --> 00:33:33,600
It's fine, honestly.
We don't have to talk about it.
609
00:33:33,601 --> 00:33:37,601
It's just that's a really big deal
for me to say that. Just so you know.
610
00:33:37,961 --> 00:33:39,840
You have said, "I love pharmacology"
611
00:33:39,841 --> 00:33:42,040
about 20 times in
the past week or so, but...
612
00:33:42,041 --> 00:33:44,520
Look, Kingsley, you're the
only mistake I've never made
613
00:33:44,521 --> 00:33:48,521
and I'm so frightened of
fucking everything up, because I...
614
00:33:51,721 --> 00:33:55,721
I love you too.
615
00:33:57,561 --> 00:34:01,480
I just don't want to make
any lifelong vows. Me neither.
616
00:34:01,481 --> 00:34:05,481
Except never to mix Stilton
and sambuca ever again.
617
00:34:14,281 --> 00:34:17,240
You had an affair with Shales?
618
00:34:17,241 --> 00:34:20,040
Don't have to shout about it.
Oh, my God.
619
00:34:20,041 --> 00:34:23,840
But he's like
a super-cool mega-genius.
620
00:34:23,841 --> 00:34:26,440
Well, I don't know about that.
621
00:34:26,441 --> 00:34:30,441
Fucking hell, Oregon.
You've... done it all.
622
00:34:31,521 --> 00:34:34,760
Yeah?
623
00:34:34,761 --> 00:34:38,600
Well, yeah, I've just experienced
one or two things, is all.
624
00:34:38,601 --> 00:34:40,600
I'm just...
625
00:34:40,601 --> 00:34:43,480
a woman... is what I am.
626
00:34:43,481 --> 00:34:46,080
OK, captains' buzzer round.
627
00:34:46,081 --> 00:34:48,960
Ten questions. Three points
per correct answer. Good luck.
628
00:34:48,961 --> 00:34:50,400
Here we go.
629
00:34:50,401 --> 00:34:53,040
Bridgetown is the capital city
of which Caribbean island?
630
00:34:53,041 --> 00:34:55,040
Barbados. Correct.
631
00:34:55,041 --> 00:34:56,760
He's probably got a villa there.
632
00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:58,960
What was the name of
Hitler's chief architect?
633
00:34:58,961 --> 00:35:01,360
Albert Speer. Correct.
Family friend.
634
00:35:01,361 --> 00:35:04,920
What is the chemical symbol
for sodium carbonate?
635
00:35:04,921 --> 00:35:06,840
Na2CO3.
636
00:35:06,841 --> 00:35:08,760
Correct. What the fuck?
637
00:35:08,761 --> 00:35:12,000
In Norse mythology,
Fitch was the god of what?
638
00:35:12,001 --> 00:35:13,880
Ruling and arbitration.
639
00:35:13,881 --> 00:35:15,960
Correct. Which female tennis player
640
00:35:15,961 --> 00:35:18,960
has won the most
Grand Slam singles titles?
641
00:35:18,961 --> 00:35:20,440
The Zambezi.
642
00:35:20,441 --> 00:35:22,440
I'm sorry?
Well, that's definitely wrong.
643
00:35:22,441 --> 00:35:26,400
The... Zambezi?
644
00:35:26,401 --> 00:35:30,080
Incorrect. You lose one point. The
correct answer was Margaret Court.
645
00:35:30,081 --> 00:35:33,721
Which river contains the Victoria
Falls, the Chavuma Falls and...?
646
00:35:35,001 --> 00:35:36,840
Sorry.
647
00:35:36,841 --> 00:35:40,841
That one's the Zambezi.
648
00:35:41,521 --> 00:35:43,961
Right. What's happened here, then?
649
00:35:53,241 --> 00:35:57,241
Sam? Sam?!
650
00:35:57,601 --> 00:36:01,601
How did you even get them?
Your laptop isn't password-protected.
651
00:36:01,801 --> 00:36:04,200
So, it is sort of your fault.
652
00:36:04,201 --> 00:36:06,920
Not totally.
653
00:36:06,921 --> 00:36:08,720
I just didn't want to look stupid.
654
00:36:08,721 --> 00:36:12,560
You didn't even cheat properly.
That's how stupid you are.
655
00:36:12,561 --> 00:36:14,920
All the teams have asked
for their money back.
656
00:36:14,921 --> 00:36:17,240
We cost prostate cancer 500 quid.
657
00:36:17,241 --> 00:36:21,241
Well, I can make that better.
How much? I care. I care to the max!
658
00:36:21,321 --> 00:36:24,160
You can't trash things and then
wave 50-quid notes at people
659
00:36:24,161 --> 00:36:25,720
like a one-man Bullingdon Club.
660
00:36:25,721 --> 00:36:29,721
Dickhead!
661
00:36:34,281 --> 00:36:35,960
Well.
662
00:36:35,961 --> 00:36:38,840
I suppose revenge is sweet.
663
00:36:38,841 --> 00:36:41,040
It's not bad. Quite sweet.
664
00:36:41,041 --> 00:36:43,920
In my mind, I'd kind of seen you
crying and frothing
665
00:36:43,921 --> 00:36:46,320
and rending your clothes more,
but...
666
00:36:46,321 --> 00:36:48,800
You know,
I will win her back, Howard.
667
00:36:48,801 --> 00:36:51,680
This is just a minor bump
in the road.
668
00:36:51,681 --> 00:36:55,560
JP, it's this baseless,
boneheaded optimism
669
00:36:55,650 --> 00:36:57,649
that's so difficult to crush.
670
00:36:57,709 --> 00:36:59,869
Thank you.
53410
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