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1
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:23,029
It's been a long,
dry summer, my friend.
2
00:00:23,030 --> 00:00:26,269
But finally, the antelope
are returning to the watering hole.
3
00:00:26,270 --> 00:00:29,069
JP, you know how...
4
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,629
I had sex last year?
5
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,349
Howard, please don't make
me think about your penis.
6
00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:36,749
Well, I thought about
it and I liked it.
7
00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,109
I would like to do it again.
8
00:00:38,110 --> 00:00:40,509
Are you asking me
to train you up like a monkey?
9
00:00:40,510 --> 00:00:44,510
OK. I like it. I boss you
round, tell you what to do.
10
00:00:45,110 --> 00:00:46,989
It'll be like Driving Miss Daisy.
11
00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:50,990
Or like when Caligula
made his horse a senator.
12
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:54,709
Pussy Haven?
13
00:00:54,710 --> 00:00:56,149
Really, JP?
14
00:00:56,150 --> 00:00:57,989
What's wrong with 28 Hartnell?
15
00:00:57,990 --> 00:01:00,789
It's evocative...
of where the house is.
16
00:01:00,790 --> 00:01:04,029
It's boring. 25 Hartnell,
26 Hartnell, 27 Hartnell...
17
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:06,189
Ooh, I know what's coming next.
18
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:09,429
Or do I?
Boom - Pussy Haven.
19
00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:11,629
You don't get it, do you?
It's romantic.
20
00:01:11,630 --> 00:01:15,630
It's stylish.
And it is very, very sexy.
21
00:01:19,402 --> 00:01:44,416
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
22
00:01:47,950 --> 00:01:49,949
Candice was home-schooled.
23
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:52,509
She's a... very sensitive person.
24
00:01:52,510 --> 00:01:55,589
We were worried about the sort
of people she'd meet in halls.
25
00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:58,309
It's an unsettling time,
a time of change.
26
00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:01,189
We thought she'd be better off
living with second years.
27
00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:02,869
Would you keep an eye out for her?
28
00:02:02,870 --> 00:02:06,870
Oh, absolutely.
29
00:02:08,510 --> 00:02:11,029
If she's hot,
I'm definitely going to fuck her.
30
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:12,789
Oh... What?!
31
00:02:12,790 --> 00:02:15,869
Come on, Kingsley,
the newbies are incoming.
32
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,509
Fuck trains full of hot bods.
33
00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:20,509
First year is beer year,
34
00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:22,389
third year is fear year
35
00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:24,349
but second year is...
36
00:02:24,350 --> 00:02:25,629
spear year.
37
00:02:25,630 --> 00:02:28,309
Oh, boys, it's going
to be fuck-ageddon.
38
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:29,909
Porn sex on tap.
39
00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:32,629
I've got a sex engine and it runs
on cum. I was going to make tea,
40
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:35,549
but I feel like I'd be swimming
through JP's semen to get there.
41
00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:38,829
Mate, you're just jealous because
you're all, like, Mrs Heather.
42
00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:41,989
Heather? It's basically over.
You broke up?
43
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:45,709
She's been out east with
her family, I sent her an Updike,
44
00:02:45,710 --> 00:02:48,429
she sent me The End Of The Affair.
Pretty much says it all.
45
00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:51,429
Right...
We texted loads at first,
46
00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:53,749
then a few e-mails, then nothing.
47
00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:57,549
I guess we'll do the break-up
formalities when she's back, but...
48
00:02:57,550 --> 00:02:59,029
Yeah.
49
00:02:59,030 --> 00:03:02,429
She had one of her scabs
laminated and sent me that, so...
50
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:04,309
What about Josie?
Josie who?
51
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:07,829
Josie who lived here?
Josie who moved to Southampton?
52
00:03:07,830 --> 00:03:09,509
Oh, Josie!
53
00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:11,749
Josie, Josie, Josie!
54
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:15,750
That cat. That whole
weird trip is over like Dover.
55
00:03:16,990 --> 00:03:19,149
Yeah, OK, I did
think about her a bit.
56
00:03:19,150 --> 00:03:22,349
In fact, in July, I kind of...
57
00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:25,349
wrote her a book.
You wrote her a book?!
58
00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:28,429
But then in August I binned it.
Perfect. So you're single!
59
00:03:28,430 --> 00:03:32,430
You boys can be my wingmen, feasting
on the hotties that I reject.
60
00:03:32,990 --> 00:03:36,149
Oh, boys, it's going to be
incredible. Team Hard-on.
61
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,269
The Three Cockateers.
62
00:03:38,270 --> 00:03:42,270
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly.
63
00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:19,750
Does anyone want any of my shit?
64
00:04:19,870 --> 00:04:22,629
If anyone wants anything, take it.
65
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,589
Yep. Read.
66
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:26,149
Uh-huh.
67
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:28,509
Decent introduction to the subject.
68
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:32,189
Not her best. I just realised
some stuff in South America.
69
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:35,629
Like what? Like some people are
rich and some people are poor.
70
00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:37,069
Where's Vod?
71
00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:41,070
She is coming back, right?
I mean, I knew it, but now I know it.
72
00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:44,029
I mean, I thought I knew it
on my year off, but, God...
73
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:45,789
I was such a dick on my year off.
74
00:04:45,790 --> 00:04:48,669
I mean, I thought I knew everything,
but really I knew nothing.
75
00:04:48,670 --> 00:04:52,509
Now... I know everything.
76
00:04:52,510 --> 00:04:54,789
Did something happen
in South America?
77
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,789
With you and Vod?
78
00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:58,269
Yes.
79
00:04:58,270 --> 00:05:00,109
We had an amazing time and then we
80
00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:04,110
just came back on
slightly different flights.
81
00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:06,629
So, my dad's a piano tutor
82
00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:09,629
and my mum is a translator
and a seamstress.
83
00:05:09,630 --> 00:05:12,269
And I've got four
brothers and one sister,
84
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,469
which means we can
play as an octet.
85
00:05:14,470 --> 00:05:17,709
Although it can get pretty intense
and Martha had to have her nails
86
00:05:17,710 --> 00:05:19,749
trimmed after she
scarred Milo's cheek.
87
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,549
'Oh...!
88
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:24,669
'Well, I hope you'll be
really happy in our house.
89
00:05:24,670 --> 00:05:26,909
'Er, the... the house.'
Thank you!
90
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:30,829
And are you having a good time,
whoever you are, wherever you are?
91
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,589
'Me? Er, yeah - totally!
92
00:05:33,590 --> 00:05:37,189
'Totally. It's mental. It's brilliant
down here, I'm loving it.'
93
00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:39,869
The robot doth protest
too much, methinks.
94
00:05:39,870 --> 00:05:41,429
'Fuck off, Kingsley. What? Oi -
95
00:05:41,430 --> 00:05:43,789
'don't walk away from
me when I'm talking to you!
96
00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:46,629
'Can someone turn me round, please?
I can't see him.
97
00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,669
'Thank you, Candice.
98
00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:50,949
'So, yeah, it's a bit lame
99
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:54,349
'but, erm, if you fancied it,
there's a traffic-light party,
100
00:05:54,350 --> 00:05:55,789
'down here... Friday...?'
101
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:59,429
A traffic-light party...
in Southampton?
102
00:05:59,430 --> 00:06:01,789
Salt marshes of the Solent.
103
00:06:01,790 --> 00:06:03,989
I'm not getting burnt twice,
sweetheart.
104
00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:06,589
Yeah, I don't think so. Soz, Jose.
105
00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:08,669
'Come on, guys, it's Freshers' Week!'
106
00:06:08,670 --> 00:06:11,309
So is this like a normal
night for you guys, then?
107
00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:15,310
The salt marshes, the... pineapple,
the iPad and everything?
108
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:18,749
Ah! No! Are you kidding?
109
00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:21,429
I mean, I'm just surprised
that nobody's OD'd already.
110
00:06:21,430 --> 00:06:23,749
I've got a bloody
loyalty card at A & E...
111
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:27,750
Oh, that is tart!
112
00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:29,109
All right, losers?
113
00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:31,909
Oh, yeah, now we're talking!
Now we can get the party started.
114
00:06:31,910 --> 00:06:33,789
You all right, Vod?
All right?
115
00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,509
All right, Josie?
'All right, Vod?'
116
00:06:35,510 --> 00:06:37,429
All right, mate? All right, mate?
117
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,149
So how was everything,
the flight and...?
118
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,589
Yeah, fine. Good.
119
00:06:41,590 --> 00:06:42,749
Oh!
120
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,669
So... Are we going to
get fucked or what?
121
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:46,989
Fuck, yeah.
122
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,389
See what I mean?
123
00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:49,829
I've got it.
124
00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:53,830
Let's crash the Freshers' Ball.
125
00:07:00,390 --> 00:07:02,229
Aw, look at them all!
126
00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:03,909
Freshers.
127
00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:05,989
It's just so funny, isn't it?
128
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,549
'They've all got so much to learn.
129
00:07:07,550 --> 00:07:10,589
'I mean, technically
I'm a fresher, of course,
130
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:14,590
'but I've got the brain
of a second year.'
131
00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:17,109
You dancing?
132
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:21,110
Nah.
133
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,709
Now... we're just surveying.
134
00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:36,829
OK.
135
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:38,709
Nice.
136
00:07:38,710 --> 00:07:40,989
Horny surveyors.
137
00:07:40,990 --> 00:07:42,949
Sexual speed cameras.
138
00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:45,789
It's vital to identify
the hottest hottie
139
00:07:45,790 --> 00:07:48,109
to avoid the nightmare
scenario -
140
00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:51,749
I dive in, grab myself a hottie,
but then there's a hotter hottie,
141
00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,789
and it's too late,
I'm already committed.
142
00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:56,789
You could make a provisional choice
and manacle her to some pipe work
143
00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:59,389
while you continue your search.
Yeah. Mock me all you like,
144
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:01,109
Knutsford, but
you need to get in there.
145
00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:02,749
Freshers' Week started yesterday.
146
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,069
They're already getting
less vulnerable by the hour.
147
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,989
Give me tips. Feed me.
148
00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:08,349
OK.
149
00:08:08,350 --> 00:08:11,269
For you, a classic.
150
00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:13,989
I bet you £20
that you're going to turn me down.
151
00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:16,269
It's a logic problem.
There's literally no way out.
152
00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:18,789
I like it. It's crafty.
153
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:22,549
That could be quite
the money-spinner.
154
00:08:22,550 --> 00:08:25,269
Right. Target identified.
155
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:29,270
In I go. Laters,
chronic masturbators.
156
00:08:33,950 --> 00:08:36,909
Competition. That's
the last thing I need.
157
00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:40,910
Other men curdling my sex stew.
We need to get away from him.
158
00:08:40,950 --> 00:08:44,949
In fact, even
you could be a distraction.
159
00:08:44,950 --> 00:08:48,950
"Even" me.
What do you mean, "even" me?
160
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,549
'Stop, thief!'
161
00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:07,549
What the hell?
162
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:10,509
Are you just watching us
like we're Homeland?
163
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:12,109
Do you even go out?
164
00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:15,069
Do you just sit in your room
like a hamster?
165
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,589
Morning, guys.
166
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:20,590
Morning, Josie.
'Morning, Candice!'
167
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:26,430
Oh, just sparkin' a massive doobie.
168
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:28,949
Ooh, as per bloody usual! Ha!
169
00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:31,869
Bang on the hoochie?
Sure, why not?
170
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:33,949
Every bloody morning.
171
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:37,950
Goddamn you, weed.
172
00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:56,909
Good morning.
173
00:09:56,910 --> 00:10:00,910
Is this... the house... of Vod?
174
00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:05,390
I am her, er, friend... of Mexico.
175
00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:09,630
Sorry, I'm...
Oh, my... fuckin' life.
176
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,629
Brilliant!
177
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:13,269
Oh!
178
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:15,349
Ohh! Aahh!
179
00:10:15,350 --> 00:10:18,709
Ah! Oh!
180
00:10:18,710 --> 00:10:22,710
OK, everything's a bit hairy out
there, a bit, you know, real.
181
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:24,509
Are you OK? Yeah, I'm OK, if
182
00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:28,469
everyone will stop staring at me
for one single solitary second!
183
00:10:28,470 --> 00:10:32,189
Hi, everyone! This is Javier.
184
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:34,389
Javier - everyone.
185
00:10:34,390 --> 00:10:36,149
Mucho gusto. Oregon!
186
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:39,149
His English isn't great, but you
can sort of tell what he means
187
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,549
if you look hard at his face.
188
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,589
Me dijiste que te viniera
a ver cuando sea.
189
00:10:42,590 --> 00:10:45,749
Asi que vendi la moto,
y aqui me tienes.
190
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,589
He says you said come
visit you whenever,
191
00:10:47,590 --> 00:10:49,469
so he sold his moped,
and here he is.
192
00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:51,789
Tell him, "Wicked!" Excelente!
193
00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:54,709
Te quiero. Hmm?
He loves you.
194
00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:56,389
Fucking hell, Vod,
I would have thought
195
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:58,509
you would know that one by
now - I did that one a lot.
196
00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:01,109
Did you have to do this
all the time in Mexico?
197
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:03,069
Yeah. It was fine.
198
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:06,269
Oh, tell him we
go upstairs now to...
199
00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:09,017
Well, actually, we were always
pretty good at working that one out.
200
00:11:23,271 --> 00:11:27,271
So, he gave/sold me the peyote
and it lasted for four days.
201
00:11:27,511 --> 00:11:30,190
And while I was high,
I read the whole of Chomsky
202
00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:33,230
and the whole of this Argos catalogue
that Vod had brought.
203
00:11:33,231 --> 00:11:34,590
I basically saw it all.
204
00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:37,830
We had an Argos catalogue, but my
dad tore out certain sections.
205
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:41,831
Anyway, I can show you it all.
I mean, if you can handle it.
206
00:11:42,231 --> 00:11:45,510
I'll take you under my wing
and I'll bust your head wide open.
207
00:11:45,511 --> 00:11:49,511
Like, in a good way.
208
00:11:49,831 --> 00:11:52,070
Just... don't get
too hung up on me, yeah?
209
00:11:52,071 --> 00:11:56,071
Um... OK.
210
00:11:56,511 --> 00:11:59,310
Javier seems nice. Yeah.
211
00:11:59,311 --> 00:12:03,230
How long were you two out there
before Vod got together with him? Oh, ages.
212
00:12:03,231 --> 00:12:04,870
Yeah, like... Um, like a week.
213
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:06,430
Like three days.
214
00:12:06,431 --> 00:12:09,510
I'm not sure you can round up
three days to a week.
215
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:13,511
Oh, you can, Candy. If you try!
216
00:12:13,671 --> 00:12:16,950
So, if you just pop your name
and number down there,
217
00:12:16,951 --> 00:12:20,951
we'll get in touch about the hot-tub
social later in the week.
218
00:12:24,431 --> 00:12:26,430
Sorry. Um... We're full.
219
00:12:26,431 --> 00:12:29,110
Why don't you go and sign up
for Circus Skills.
220
00:12:29,111 --> 00:12:33,111
They actively encourage shitheads!
221
00:12:33,671 --> 00:12:35,190
Dry Slope Skiing?
222
00:12:35,191 --> 00:12:38,830
Well, it turns out that certain student
societies are virtually memberless,
223
00:12:38,831 --> 00:12:41,270
but still legal entities.
224
00:12:41,271 --> 00:12:44,470
Shells ripe
for the hostile takeover.
225
00:12:44,471 --> 00:12:47,510
We have an admissions policy
which is extremely favourable
226
00:12:47,511 --> 00:12:49,070
towards high-level pussy.
227
00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:53,071
It's eugenics run by FHM.
228
00:13:01,511 --> 00:13:04,150
What if you get some hair
in the mix?
229
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,950
That's hardly going to happen,
because he's so smooth and ripped.
230
00:13:06,951 --> 00:13:10,951
Like a great, firm man-peach.
231
00:13:16,831 --> 00:13:18,750
So, how long's Javier staying?
232
00:13:18,751 --> 00:13:21,230
He's flying back on Sunday.
233
00:13:21,231 --> 00:13:25,231
What's earlobe in Espanola?
I don't know.
234
00:13:28,271 --> 00:13:30,230
El lobulo de la oreja.
235
00:13:30,231 --> 00:13:34,231
What's, "You have juicy earlobes,
you hunky fucker"?
236
00:13:34,391 --> 00:13:38,391
Tienes lobulos jugosos,
cabron hunky.
237
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:42,551
Me estas calentando.
Te voy a poner la cogida de tu vida.
238
00:13:43,271 --> 00:13:46,470
"Ha, ha, ha, I'm going to do
naughty things to your areas."
239
00:13:46,471 --> 00:13:50,471
Promises, promises!
240
00:13:51,111 --> 00:13:53,670
"Promesas, promesas."
241
00:13:53,671 --> 00:13:57,671
OK, this is just flirty chitchat,
so I'm bowing out now.
242
00:13:58,191 --> 00:14:02,191
Apparently, he was offered a place
at a soccer academy in San Diego.
243
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,830
But preferred the beach life.
244
00:14:05,831 --> 00:14:08,830
That's why he didn't take up
the medical school place.
245
00:14:08,831 --> 00:14:11,390
I bet if there was a dog
with a broken leg,
246
00:14:11,391 --> 00:14:14,910
he could sort it out.
What do you think, Jose?
247
00:14:14,911 --> 00:14:15,950
Josie!
248
00:14:15,951 --> 00:14:16,990
'What?'
249
00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:18,830
'Josie, we're leaving now!'
250
00:14:18,831 --> 00:14:22,270
'Wait for me, Baz, I'm coming!'
251
00:14:22,271 --> 00:14:24,430
'See you later.
I'm going to a foam party!'
252
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:28,270
A foam party?! You serious?
What is this, 2006?
253
00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:32,150
You missing her, Kingo?
No, of course not.
254
00:14:32,151 --> 00:14:33,590
I mean, I miss her as a presence,
255
00:14:33,591 --> 00:14:35,430
but not as a being.
256
00:14:35,431 --> 00:14:37,630
Interesting distinction. I miss her.
257
00:14:37,631 --> 00:14:39,870
I'm not afraid to say so.
258
00:14:39,871 --> 00:14:43,390
And not just cos she was
"old dependable".
259
00:14:43,391 --> 00:14:45,670
My downstairs sex hole.
You can't say that.
260
00:14:45,671 --> 00:14:47,270
Well, I can, Kingsley,
261
00:14:47,271 --> 00:14:50,950
because I had sex with Josie
just as much as you did.
262
00:14:50,951 --> 00:14:52,830
Yeah, but I liked her.
263
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:54,270
I liked her too.
264
00:14:54,271 --> 00:14:57,870
You know, I'm not a beast, Kingsley.
JP, are you cooking?
265
00:14:57,871 --> 00:15:01,750
Yes, I'm cooking.
Obviously, I'm cooking.
266
00:15:01,751 --> 00:15:03,430
I've never seen you cook anything.
267
00:15:03,431 --> 00:15:05,510
That's because
I've never wanted to fuck you.
268
00:15:05,511 --> 00:15:06,790
If I'd wanted to fuck you,
269
00:15:06,791 --> 00:15:10,791
you would have seen
a hell of a lot more of my fondue.
270
00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:13,750
That is a fon-don't.
271
00:15:13,751 --> 00:15:17,751
This is not for you.
It's for our bitches.
272
00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:26,551
This is it, boys.
The hot-tub social.
273
00:15:27,231 --> 00:15:30,110
We are going to fuck
so many freshers.
274
00:15:30,111 --> 00:15:32,870
And we're not going to take no
for an answer.
275
00:15:32,871 --> 00:15:34,750
No, we will take no for an answer.
276
00:15:34,751 --> 00:15:37,270
OK, but we'll take it
somewhat reluctantly.
277
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:38,830
Hi, ladies.
278
00:15:38,831 --> 00:15:42,830
How wonderful of you to join us.
279
00:15:42,831 --> 00:15:46,831
Howard.
280
00:15:46,871 --> 00:15:50,871
This is awful...
281
00:15:51,911 --> 00:15:55,911
So lame.
282
00:15:56,231 --> 00:15:57,950
Oh, me?
283
00:15:57,951 --> 00:16:01,750
Howard.
284
00:16:01,751 --> 00:16:03,670
I just threw this on.
285
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,710
It's my favourite jumper!
286
00:16:06,711 --> 00:16:09,910
Yeah, so what are you doing?
287
00:16:09,911 --> 00:16:13,911
Yeah, just...
practising the normality.
288
00:16:14,831 --> 00:16:18,030
Yep. Good to get some practice in.
289
00:16:18,031 --> 00:16:22,031
So, look... What, no blokes?
Apart from you three.
290
00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:26,310
OK, I admit it, the Dry Slope
Skiing Society, it's a shell.
291
00:16:26,311 --> 00:16:28,950
We only took it over to try and get
girls round the house.
292
00:16:28,951 --> 00:16:31,910
Relax. It's OK. I wouldn't have come
if I hadn't wanted.
293
00:16:31,911 --> 00:16:34,670
No?
I made a vow to my god, Jim Carey,
294
00:16:34,671 --> 00:16:37,550
to say yes to everything I was
offered during Freshers' Week
295
00:16:37,551 --> 00:16:39,950
and see what happens. Yeah.
296
00:16:39,951 --> 00:16:43,030
So far I've had
a fuck of a lot of cups of tea.
297
00:16:43,031 --> 00:16:45,070
I'm Sam, by the way. H-Bomb!
298
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,550
Please, don't call me that!
Is the hot tub hot yet?
299
00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:52,551
Feels like in a couple of minutes
it may be merely cold.
300
00:16:52,751 --> 00:16:55,550
Listen, Howard!
I'm Captain Kirk, you're Scotty.
301
00:16:55,551 --> 00:16:58,110
I expect you to be able to make
basic engineering decisions.
302
00:16:58,111 --> 00:17:02,111
JP, it's a large amount of water
and the heating element is extremely small.
303
00:17:02,471 --> 00:17:06,310
We are losing bodies through there!
Seriously, sort that shit out,
Preparation H.
304
00:17:06,311 --> 00:17:07,870
That is considerably worse.
305
00:17:07,871 --> 00:17:11,190
So, tell me, Howard,
when were you sold into captivity
306
00:17:11,191 --> 00:17:15,191
and how much would I have to pay
to free you from your Aryan overlord?
307
00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:18,830
I'm busy, otherwise
I'd be zinging you straight back.
308
00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:22,831
Feel free to pop it in the post.
309
00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:37,350
Hey, it's hot-tub time, ladies.
Don't go yet!
310
00:17:37,351 --> 00:17:39,270
Things are just hotting up!
311
00:17:39,271 --> 00:17:41,950
'You definitely not coming down
for the traffic-light party?'
312
00:17:41,951 --> 00:17:44,110
Josie, don't be like that. I'm sorry.
313
00:17:44,111 --> 00:17:47,750
OK, I'm calling a meeting
of Team Hard-On. H from Steps,
314
00:17:47,751 --> 00:17:49,870
we need to get the hotties
into the hot tub.
315
00:17:49,871 --> 00:17:52,550
That is directive number one.
How do we make that happen?
316
00:17:52,551 --> 00:17:55,710
You know, the hot tub
doesn't actually make girls hot, JP.
317
00:17:55,711 --> 00:17:57,430
We trip them into it.
318
00:17:57,431 --> 00:18:00,870
We apparently humorously
chuck them into the hot tub.
319
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,990
No. Terrible. Horrible.
320
00:18:02,991 --> 00:18:04,390
Look, I have a lot of ideas,
321
00:18:04,391 --> 00:18:06,750
some of them are bound
to be a bit idiotic.
322
00:18:06,751 --> 00:18:08,790
It's up to you boys
to be my brain-sieve.
323
00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:12,791
OK, everyone, can I get you outside?
324
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:18,511
Out we go.
325
00:18:21,911 --> 00:18:24,030
OK, ladies.
326
00:18:24,031 --> 00:18:27,430
It's time to get down
to our bra and panties
327
00:18:27,431 --> 00:18:30,070
and make our way into the hot tub.
328
00:18:30,071 --> 00:18:34,071
You first. Fine. I hear you.
329
00:18:34,991 --> 00:18:38,991
Probably fair enough.
330
00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:45,550
Cheeky.
331
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:47,550
Ah! Fucking hell!
332
00:18:47,551 --> 00:18:51,551
That... is... lovely!
333
00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:03,950
Oh...
334
00:19:03,951 --> 00:19:07,590
God, it's nice in here. Hot tub!
335
00:19:07,591 --> 00:19:10,590
Come and join me in the hot tub!
336
00:19:10,591 --> 00:19:13,630
It's so... hot in the hot tub.
337
00:19:13,631 --> 00:19:16,950
So I've got a list of dry-slope
skiing questions here,
338
00:19:16,951 --> 00:19:19,510
is it OK if I ask them now?
All right.
339
00:19:19,511 --> 00:19:23,511
See we've got a troublemaker!
340
00:19:25,751 --> 00:19:27,390
You winkled me out.
341
00:19:27,391 --> 00:19:30,150
There was a bit of
an ulterior motive to this club.
342
00:19:30,151 --> 00:19:33,150
But don't worry,
it's not horrible, it's nice.
343
00:19:33,151 --> 00:19:37,151
So, all I can say is...
344
00:19:39,231 --> 00:19:42,830
Bloody congratulations!
345
00:19:42,831 --> 00:19:46,831
Ladies, you have all made it
into the house that we call -
346
00:19:46,871 --> 00:19:50,310
playfully, with a cheeky wink -
Pussy Haven.
347
00:19:50,311 --> 00:19:53,150
Good night!
Honestly, it's not sleazy.
348
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:56,670
It's an honour. You should be
giving yourselves a pat on the back.
349
00:19:56,671 --> 00:20:00,671
It's every young, ambitious woman's dream
to win a place in the Playboy Mansion.
350
00:20:02,591 --> 00:20:06,150
And you are the lucky few
that have made it in.
351
00:20:06,151 --> 00:20:10,151
So, I humbly offer up myself,
352
00:20:10,791 --> 00:20:12,990
and my faithful hound Howard,
353
00:20:12,991 --> 00:20:16,991
to tend to your every emotional,
spiritual
354
00:20:17,631 --> 00:20:19,150
and physical need.
355
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:23,151
Let the Hunger Games begin.
356
00:20:25,031 --> 00:20:29,031
Let's go. Let's go.
Let's just walk away.
357
00:20:31,071 --> 00:20:35,071
Es que, en ingles no se, pero...
358
00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:39,870
Javier's been trying to talk to me
for, like, the last hour.
359
00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:41,470
Que quieres decirle?
360
00:20:41,471 --> 00:20:45,471
Bueno, que no pasa nada,
pero hay mala vibra entre nosotros.
361
00:20:45,791 --> 00:20:47,590
He says, no big deal,
362
00:20:47,591 --> 00:20:51,230
but he feels like there's been a bit of an
atmosphere between you two recently.
363
00:20:51,231 --> 00:20:53,390
Right. Yeah...
364
00:20:53,391 --> 00:20:56,150
Let's... talk about everything.
365
00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:58,670
But I'm going to open a bottle of
wine, would you kick it off?
366
00:20:58,671 --> 00:21:02,671
You know the kind of things
I think about stuff.
367
00:21:03,711 --> 00:21:06,270
Aw, cheer up, Larry Leadnuts!
368
00:21:06,271 --> 00:21:09,870
Why don't you head down the bingo
and look for Chorlton's hottest granny?
369
00:21:09,871 --> 00:21:11,710
Yeah, I know what you're implying,
Violet,
370
00:21:11,711 --> 00:21:15,150
and I'll have you know that the
fondue was actually a massive hit.
371
00:21:15,151 --> 00:21:18,230
And I'm going to track down
this little hottie called Sam.
372
00:21:18,231 --> 00:21:21,310
Eh, I don't think you should...
track down Sam.
373
00:21:21,311 --> 00:21:22,990
Why not?
374
00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:24,350
Because...
375
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:27,110
Because I'm going out with her
to the pub on Saturday.
376
00:21:27,111 --> 00:21:29,030
Oh, my God.
377
00:21:29,031 --> 00:21:31,950
Howard... did you... pull?
378
00:21:31,951 --> 00:21:34,550
We're just going to the pub.
She's a psychology student,
379
00:21:34,551 --> 00:21:36,510
she may just want to use me
as a guinea pig
380
00:21:36,511 --> 00:21:39,830
in an upsetting psychological
experiment. Oh, my God, Howard.
381
00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:42,310
You're going for a drink in a pub
with a woman?!
382
00:21:42,311 --> 00:21:43,790
We haven't even kissed.
383
00:21:43,791 --> 00:21:46,670
There very probably
won't even be any... cocking.
384
00:21:46,671 --> 00:21:50,671
It's not called cocking, mate.
Howard, can I have a word?
385
00:21:55,271 --> 00:21:57,350
Look, re Sam,
386
00:21:57,351 --> 00:22:00,670
you do realise that you're seriously
punching above your weight?
387
00:22:00,671 --> 00:22:03,310
Yes.
She's the hottie, you're the nottie.
388
00:22:03,311 --> 00:22:05,950
You're driving a clown car
in the Monaco Grand Prix.
389
00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:08,710
JP, I know she's
really attractive...
390
00:22:08,711 --> 00:22:10,710
Yes, but obviously you don't.
391
00:22:10,711 --> 00:22:13,710
Look, I don't want to be rude,
but it's like...
392
00:22:13,711 --> 00:22:16,030
she's a proper human being
and you're...
393
00:22:16,031 --> 00:22:19,470
the Pig Man of Arbroath.
That is quite rude.
394
00:22:19,471 --> 00:22:21,430
She's the kind of woman
that I'm attracted to.
395
00:22:21,431 --> 00:22:23,230
That's the level
that we're talking here.
396
00:22:23,231 --> 00:22:25,950
JP, I'm sorry, I don't know
how this has happened,
397
00:22:25,951 --> 00:22:28,470
and of course it worries me,
398
00:22:28,471 --> 00:22:32,471
but it is me she's agreed
to go to the pub with, and not you.
399
00:22:34,031 --> 00:22:35,590
Guys...
400
00:22:35,591 --> 00:22:37,790
Look, I am really worried about
Josie, I have to say.
401
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:39,990
Worried she's getting heave-hoed
in the dry docks?
402
00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:43,510
She's been checking and checking if we're
going to her pathetic traffic-light party.
403
00:22:43,511 --> 00:22:46,990
I thought her little heart was going
to break. I think maybe we should go down.
404
00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:50,830
Oh, I wouldn't mind getting out
and about for a bit. He won't mind
the night off, will he?
405
00:22:50,831 --> 00:22:54,310
Javier. Te importa que Vod
vaya a Southampton?
406
00:22:54,311 --> 00:22:56,750
Pero es nuestra ultima noche juntos.
407
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:58,630
He says,
but it's your last night together.
408
00:22:58,631 --> 00:23:02,230
Oh, yeah. Oh...
409
00:23:02,231 --> 00:23:06,231
I guess it'd be great
to show him Southampton... Castle.
410
00:23:06,351 --> 00:23:08,950
Is there a castle?
There's always a fuckin' castle.
411
00:23:08,951 --> 00:23:12,550
Drinking cider with freshers isn't
exactly taking peyote with a shaman.
412
00:23:12,551 --> 00:23:14,990
It wasn't a shaman,
he worked at the bus station.
413
00:23:14,991 --> 00:23:18,710
He had a hat! Bus conductor's hat.
414
00:23:18,711 --> 00:23:20,470
But a traffic-light party
might be fun.
415
00:23:20,471 --> 00:23:23,190
What about you, JP?
Damn straight I'm coming.
416
00:23:23,191 --> 00:23:25,790
There are officially no hotties
in Manchester.
417
00:23:25,791 --> 00:23:28,430
It's a duff year. A bad vintage.
418
00:23:28,431 --> 00:23:32,110
Hence why I'm starting afresh.
Rolling out the big guns.
419
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,030
My natural assets.
420
00:23:34,031 --> 00:23:35,830
Your beautiful breasts?
421
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:39,030
Money and connections. Yeah, baby.
422
00:23:39,031 --> 00:23:41,910
All aboard,
and I WILL buy you a latte,
423
00:23:41,911 --> 00:23:43,870
and I WILL take you to a place
on the King's Road
424
00:23:43,871 --> 00:23:47,310
where Prince Harry got a hand job off an
assistant manager at Abercrombie & Fitch.
425
00:23:47,311 --> 00:23:50,506
Look out, motherfuckers,
I'm pulling out my privilege.
426
00:24:13,510 --> 00:24:15,509
Josie.
Josie!
427
00:24:15,510 --> 00:24:18,309
Oh, fuck me gently.
428
00:24:18,310 --> 00:24:20,029
What are you doing here?
429
00:24:20,030 --> 00:24:23,249
Well, we can leave. The coach
only takes nine hours
430
00:24:23,324 --> 00:24:24,843
and I love crouching in that bog.
431
00:24:24,902 --> 00:24:27,381
You could've bought a ticket.
No, no, no, don't go, stay.
432
00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:29,901
It's amazing you came all this way.
We were worried.
433
00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:31,101
We've come to save you.
434
00:24:31,102 --> 00:24:32,921
Would you kindly announce
to your housemates
435
00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:37,013
that a man with a Coutts gold card
is in the house.
436
00:24:40,945 --> 00:24:44,384
So, green. Interesting.
Just like, "Yeah, I'm green.
437
00:24:44,403 --> 00:24:46,282
"What's the problem?
Bang, bang, bang.
438
00:24:46,283 --> 00:24:48,002
"You find the mattress,
I'll bring the lube."
439
00:24:48,009 --> 00:24:49,928
Well, better than amber.
440
00:24:49,929 --> 00:24:52,208
I mean, amber's like
a text slanty face.
441
00:24:52,209 --> 00:24:55,368
Vague, ambiguous, annoying.
It's mysterious.
442
00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:58,768
Am I safe to drive through, or is there
a chance you'll be smashed to death?
443
00:24:58,769 --> 00:25:00,808
So are you amber because of Heather?
444
00:25:00,809 --> 00:25:02,928
What? No, no, that is over.
445
00:25:02,929 --> 00:25:05,688
Yeah, that's totally over. So...
446
00:25:05,689 --> 00:25:09,128
So, now you're young, free
and amber,
447
00:25:09,129 --> 00:25:11,488
I can jump on in whenever
I feel like it.
448
00:25:11,489 --> 00:25:14,848
No, no, not at all.
It'd be nice just to be friends.
449
00:25:14,849 --> 00:25:17,848
OK, friends, yes.
I've heard of this.
450
00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:20,688
It's when people have coffee
and lend each other books
451
00:25:20,689 --> 00:25:24,689
without taking all their clothes off.
Yeah.
452
00:25:28,729 --> 00:25:29,768
Red?
453
00:25:29,769 --> 00:25:32,768
Yeah... mate. I've seen it
a million times before.
454
00:25:32,769 --> 00:25:36,088
Green's way too eager. Amber's
obviously for wankers.
455
00:25:36,089 --> 00:25:39,328
Meanwhile, the sexy,
unattainable reds,
456
00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:43,329
they're all in the bathroom
fucking each other.
457
00:25:45,369 --> 00:25:49,369
Do I have to be green?
Yeah, you do.
458
00:25:51,489 --> 00:25:54,888
I don't think I like it.
459
00:25:54,889 --> 00:25:57,288
Well, of course you don't
like it.
460
00:25:57,289 --> 00:26:00,688
First time, you're gonna be
nauseous and shaky, right?
461
00:26:00,689 --> 00:26:02,328
In fact, you're gonna
be so anxious,
462
00:26:02,329 --> 00:26:05,048
you'll be desperate for something
to take the edge off.
463
00:26:05,049 --> 00:26:07,568
And that's when your old friend
coke comes in.
464
00:26:07,569 --> 00:26:10,408
I'm not sure I'm really any good
at doing drugs.
465
00:26:10,409 --> 00:26:13,568
Oh, coke is not a drug!
It's not?
466
00:26:13,569 --> 00:26:17,328
It's a facilitator for consuming
other substances.
467
00:26:17,329 --> 00:26:21,288
Right? Think of coke as...
your mate,
468
00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:24,648
poking you awake with a pointy stick
at four in the morning,
469
00:26:24,649 --> 00:26:28,289
reminding you to pour more and more
dirt into your system.
470
00:26:41,049 --> 00:26:45,049
This isn't working. I think I'm
sending out the wrong signals.
471
00:26:45,249 --> 00:26:49,048
Correct, you are literally
sending out the wrong signal.
472
00:26:49,049 --> 00:26:53,049
Fuck it, I'm ambering.
473
00:27:10,209 --> 00:27:13,808
Oh, that's a hard kiss.
That can go through plasterboard.
474
00:27:13,809 --> 00:27:17,809
Oh, I'm so proud!
475
00:27:23,969 --> 00:27:27,728
Oh, yeah, I am... red.
Sorry about that.
476
00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,128
No dice.
477
00:27:29,129 --> 00:27:30,808
I'm just standing here,
478
00:27:30,809 --> 00:27:33,488
watching the wheels go round
and round,
479
00:27:33,489 --> 00:27:37,489
watching the monkeys
do the love-love dance.
480
00:27:39,169 --> 00:27:42,488
OK. Much like taking part
in a date.
481
00:27:42,489 --> 00:27:44,888
Yeah, dating, so...
482
00:27:44,889 --> 00:27:48,889
Red... them's the brakes.
Sorry, babe.
483
00:28:01,009 --> 00:28:03,888
Candice is in a bad way
in the bathroom.
484
00:28:03,889 --> 00:28:06,848
She's been sick - both ends.
Oh!
485
00:28:06,849 --> 00:28:10,849
Right, shit!
Although maybe you could...
486
00:28:12,089 --> 00:28:16,089
Sorry. Last night together.
487
00:28:16,889 --> 00:28:20,889
Do you want to check on Candice together?
I mean, it might be kind of trippy...
488
00:28:21,169 --> 00:28:22,688
in some ways.
489
00:28:22,689 --> 00:28:26,689
Er... I'm cool.
490
00:28:28,689 --> 00:28:31,368
There must be somebody
that wants to get off with me.
491
00:28:31,369 --> 00:28:33,808
I've skied a black run
with a dude
492
00:28:33,809 --> 00:28:37,809
that has got a photograph of Princess
Eugenie's fucking medicine cabinet.
493
00:28:43,689 --> 00:28:45,088
Ladies?
494
00:28:45,089 --> 00:28:49,089
Who wants to see a box
of Fergie's Tampax?
495
00:29:12,249 --> 00:29:13,408
Vod.
496
00:29:13,409 --> 00:29:14,448
Oh!
497
00:29:14,449 --> 00:29:16,688
What do you want?
498
00:29:16,689 --> 00:29:18,368
Are they doing it?
499
00:29:18,369 --> 00:29:19,688
What?
500
00:29:19,689 --> 00:29:22,448
Josie and Kingsley.
501
00:29:22,449 --> 00:29:25,809
Do you think they're doing it?
502
00:29:31,929 --> 00:29:34,528
Yeah, I think they're doing it.
503
00:29:34,529 --> 00:29:36,288
Oh, God.
504
00:29:36,289 --> 00:29:38,888
Under the covers in the dark.
505
00:29:38,889 --> 00:29:41,808
It's like Taliban porn.
506
00:29:41,809 --> 00:29:43,368
Do you really think...
507
00:29:43,369 --> 00:29:46,288
Definitely doing it. They've been
doing it for about five minutes.
508
00:29:46,289 --> 00:29:48,088
And you've been listening?
509
00:29:48,089 --> 00:29:49,848
I haven't been listening.
510
00:29:49,849 --> 00:29:51,128
I heard.
511
00:29:51,129 --> 00:29:53,288
There's a very important
difference.
512
00:29:53,289 --> 00:29:55,328
Yes, but you have been
timing them.
513
00:29:55,329 --> 00:29:57,169
I looked at my watch,
it's not the same.
514
00:29:58,529 --> 00:30:01,688
Oh, God.
515
00:30:01,689 --> 00:30:05,689
Do you think Oregon knows?
516
00:30:06,649 --> 00:30:09,728
I think we should tell her.
If it was me, I'd wan to be told.
517
00:30:09,729 --> 00:30:12,488
What she doesn't know
won't hurt her.
518
00:30:12,489 --> 00:30:16,489
Unless... what about if someone
slipped inside her?
519
00:30:17,929 --> 00:30:21,929
That's very unlikely to happen.
520
00:30:24,089 --> 00:30:25,688
Oregon.
521
00:30:25,689 --> 00:30:28,248
Oregon. What?
522
00:30:28,249 --> 00:30:30,648
We just wanted to let you know
523
00:30:30,649 --> 00:30:34,608
that we think Josie
and Kingsley
524
00:30:34,609 --> 00:30:37,088
are having sex next to you.
525
00:30:37,089 --> 00:30:40,328
What?
526
00:30:40,329 --> 00:30:42,008
Are you two humping?!
527
00:30:42,009 --> 00:30:44,688
What? Hello? How can you ask that?
528
00:30:44,689 --> 00:30:45,968
That's disgusting.
529
00:30:45,969 --> 00:30:47,808
Josie, truth.
530
00:30:47,809 --> 00:30:49,448
We definitely weren't doing it.
531
00:30:49,449 --> 00:30:52,288
But if we were doing it...
532
00:30:52,289 --> 00:30:53,768
we were doing it...
533
00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:57,568
incredibly quietly. Oh, my God!
You're still doing it!
534
00:30:57,569 --> 00:30:58,768
No. I can't believe it!
535
00:30:58,769 --> 00:31:01,808
I'm... I'm having an involuntary
threesome.
536
00:31:01,809 --> 00:31:03,928
Right, that's it, I'm having
a wank.
537
00:31:03,929 --> 00:31:06,648
We're not having a threesome.
If he's wanking, I'm wanking.
538
00:31:06,649 --> 00:31:08,568
Right, everybody stop wanking.
539
00:31:08,569 --> 00:31:12,048
Who are you - the wank police?
Howard, go and sleep in the bath.
540
00:31:12,049 --> 00:31:13,648
Let's have an orgy.
541
00:31:13,649 --> 00:31:15,288
I'm sorry... Excuse me?
542
00:31:15,289 --> 00:31:16,928
Come on, you know you all want to.
543
00:31:16,929 --> 00:31:18,888
That's what all of this
has been about.
544
00:31:18,889 --> 00:31:19,968
All what?
545
00:31:19,969 --> 00:31:21,288
Us, living together.
546
00:31:21,289 --> 00:31:23,008
It's all been leading to this.
547
00:31:23,009 --> 00:31:25,688
You want to fuck all of us,
JP? Apart from me.
548
00:31:25,689 --> 00:31:28,408
Let's just throw ourselves in a sex
pie and see what comes out.
549
00:31:28,409 --> 00:31:30,848
I do not wish to be in a sex pie
with you, Jonathan.
550
00:31:30,849 --> 00:31:33,728
I am just facing reality here.
551
00:31:33,729 --> 00:31:36,248
I'm not the one that introduced sex
into the situation.
552
00:31:36,249 --> 00:31:39,368
Either we pretend that it's not
happening or we all get involved.
553
00:31:39,369 --> 00:31:40,808
That's the Blitz spirit.
554
00:31:40,809 --> 00:31:42,448
What happen?
555
00:31:42,449 --> 00:31:44,528
We might be having an orgy.
I'll keep you posted.
556
00:31:44,529 --> 00:31:46,608
I don't want an orgy. Why do I have
to have an orgy?
557
00:31:46,609 --> 00:31:48,928
Ssh! I'm out. You were never in.
I'm out too.
558
00:31:48,929 --> 00:31:52,208
No way!
Come on! Guys!
559
00:31:52,209 --> 00:31:56,209
Update - we're not having
an orgy. Oh, God!
560
00:31:58,329 --> 00:32:02,008
You people disgust me!
561
00:32:02,009 --> 00:32:06,009
Oh!
562
00:32:08,129 --> 00:32:11,288
It's really great you two are
back together, by the way.
563
00:32:11,289 --> 00:32:15,289
Oh, cheers.
Thanks, guys.
564
00:32:15,889 --> 00:32:19,889
We've stopped, by the way.
565
00:32:26,329 --> 00:32:29,248
Is Candice still vomming?
566
00:32:29,249 --> 00:32:32,088
Yeah. But she's on the dry
heaves now.
567
00:32:32,089 --> 00:32:33,688
Bit of a fuss about nothing.
568
00:32:33,689 --> 00:32:35,728
Can you pass me the brown
sauce?
569
00:32:35,729 --> 00:32:38,328
What, so you can use it as lube
while you try to fuck us all?
570
00:32:38,329 --> 00:32:40,248
Don't take it so personally.
571
00:32:40,249 --> 00:32:42,368
I didn't want to have sex
with you specifically,
572
00:32:42,369 --> 00:32:44,088
I just wanted to have sex
generally.
573
00:32:44,089 --> 00:32:46,928
It's like when you fancy
a game of five-a-side,
574
00:32:46,929 --> 00:32:49,168
then you call round
to see who's available.
575
00:32:49,169 --> 00:32:51,208
And after, you fuck each other
in the shower?
576
00:32:51,209 --> 00:32:54,648
Look, I'm having an existential
fucking crisis here.
577
00:32:54,649 --> 00:32:57,648
The self-declared Pig Man of
Arbroath is getting more
578
00:32:57,649 --> 00:32:59,208
coochie than I am.
579
00:32:59,209 --> 00:33:03,209
You're lucky I'm not trying
to nail you all onto the tables right here.
580
00:33:09,409 --> 00:33:12,248
So I'm really glad we came.
581
00:33:12,249 --> 00:33:15,128
Yeah, me too. And there's something
I wanted to tell you.
582
00:33:15,129 --> 00:33:17,408
I'm thinking about shaving off
my soul patch.
583
00:33:17,409 --> 00:33:20,128
Oh, God, please do, it'd be
so fucking good if you did!
584
00:33:20,129 --> 00:33:21,848
It's not definite, but...
585
00:33:21,849 --> 00:33:24,448
you know...
the thing is...
586
00:33:24,449 --> 00:33:27,328
you know when you make a playlist
of all your best stuff
587
00:33:27,329 --> 00:33:30,168
then you realise the song you like
most is not even on the playlist
588
00:33:30,169 --> 00:33:33,368
because you like it so much you're
scared of overplaying it?
589
00:33:33,369 --> 00:33:36,168
I've said too much, haven't I?
I'm embarrassing myself.
590
00:33:36,169 --> 00:33:39,368
Um... no. What I'm trying to say is,
I know
591
00:33:39,369 --> 00:33:43,369
I kind of fucked it up the first
time and it's kind of...
592
00:33:43,609 --> 00:33:46,528
It feels old-fashioned, but...
593
00:33:46,529 --> 00:33:48,368
..will you go out with me?
No.
594
00:33:48,369 --> 00:33:50,528
That's fine. Of course.
595
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:51,768
I understand.
596
00:33:51,769 --> 00:33:55,769
But I am willing to make an exclusive
commitment to a series of rolling dates.
597
00:33:56,329 --> 00:33:58,008
Oh... OK.
598
00:33:58,009 --> 00:34:02,009
Rolling dates? Well, that works.
599
00:34:41,569 --> 00:34:45,569
No puedo creer que mi vuelo de
regreso sea ya, es demasiado pronto.
600
00:34:46,169 --> 00:34:50,168
He says he can't believe he has to
go back today, it's too soon.
601
00:34:50,169 --> 00:34:52,848
Yeah, too soon,
much too soon - tragic.
602
00:34:52,849 --> 00:34:55,848
Ella dice que
es demasiado pronto.
603
00:34:55,849 --> 00:34:57,728
Mucho antes de tiempo.
604
00:34:57,729 --> 00:34:59,568
Es terrible. Tragico.
605
00:34:59,569 --> 00:35:03,128
Si lo quiere ella, entonces me puedo
olvidar del vuelo, y me quedo, eh?
606
00:35:03,129 --> 00:35:06,048
He says, if you want, he can forget
the flight and stay.
607
00:35:06,049 --> 00:35:08,488
Oh, yeah? Great.
608
00:35:08,489 --> 00:35:11,568
Ella dice, "Ah, si?
Suena muy bien!"
609
00:35:11,569 --> 00:35:15,248
But it's impossible.
610
00:35:15,249 --> 00:35:16,568
He's ripped up his ticket.
611
00:35:16,569 --> 00:35:20,048
Yeah, I can see that,
I don't need that translating.
612
00:35:20,049 --> 00:35:23,048
Te quiero.
613
00:35:23,049 --> 00:35:25,248
Yeah. Me too, mate.
614
00:35:25,249 --> 00:35:29,249
Totally.
615
00:35:45,809 --> 00:35:48,088
The big date.
616
00:35:48,089 --> 00:35:49,328
Hmm.
617
00:35:49,329 --> 00:35:50,928
Playing it cool.
618
00:35:50,929 --> 00:35:54,808
I'm trying not to open my mouth
in case the adrenaline makes me vomit.
619
00:35:54,809 --> 00:35:57,448
Are you preening on an iPad
chat?
620
00:35:57,449 --> 00:35:58,848
Heather's back.
621
00:35:58,849 --> 00:36:00,968
Just gonna ensure
the break's clean.
622
00:36:00,969 --> 00:36:04,888
Avoid the awkward "bumping into each
other at the union" moment.
623
00:36:04,889 --> 00:36:07,528
Bottle of wine, fish pie
and a cry.
624
00:36:07,529 --> 00:36:10,888
So much more mature than the turd
through the letter box and hate texts.
625
00:36:10,889 --> 00:36:14,889
Pakow!
626
00:36:27,769 --> 00:36:31,769
Hey, Kingsley, you big
fucking freak!
627
00:36:40,889 --> 00:36:44,728
So... weird summer, huh?
628
00:36:44,729 --> 00:36:46,368
Fucking weird summer.
629
00:36:46,369 --> 00:36:50,369
I mean, when I got the scab, the
laminated scab, I did think....
630
00:36:50,529 --> 00:36:52,688
maybe that meant...
Oh, yeah.
631
00:36:52,689 --> 00:36:55,368
That was the last fun thing
I did.
632
00:36:55,369 --> 00:36:58,648
And, you know... everything
with my grump-pops.
633
00:36:58,649 --> 00:37:02,648
Grump-pops?
Grump-pops?
634
00:37:02,649 --> 00:37:05,208
My grandad. We were all...
635
00:37:05,209 --> 00:37:07,648
in and out of the hospital,
and...
636
00:37:07,649 --> 00:37:10,168
Is that why the e-mails
went dark?
637
00:37:10,169 --> 00:37:12,168
Yeah. I'm sorry.
638
00:37:12,169 --> 00:37:15,048
I've been so up and down.
It's like...
639
00:37:15,049 --> 00:37:17,288
everything is so...
640
00:37:17,289 --> 00:37:20,048
really intense and funny.
641
00:37:20,049 --> 00:37:23,088
You know, when in a tragedy
it's still funny?
642
00:37:23,089 --> 00:37:25,688
But then, other times...
643
00:37:25,689 --> 00:37:29,689
I just get so low.
644
00:37:30,529 --> 00:37:33,528
Grump-pops.
Poor Grump-pops.
645
00:37:33,529 --> 00:37:35,088
It'll be OK, won't it?
646
00:37:35,089 --> 00:37:37,128
It'll be OK.
647
00:37:37,129 --> 00:37:41,048
I mean, it won't be,
he's definitely going to die.
648
00:37:41,049 --> 00:37:43,888
But I'll be OK, won't I?
649
00:37:43,889 --> 00:37:47,808
We'll be OK?
Yeah.
650
00:37:47,809 --> 00:37:51,809
We'll be OK. Totally.
651
00:37:54,214 --> 00:37:56,334
Totally.
50298
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