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1
00:00:19,340 --> 00:00:21,579
I'm just off to my dentistry seminar.
2
00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:25,579
I could do you a little scale
and polish later, if you like.
3
00:00:25,580 --> 00:00:29,579
OK.
4
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:36,539
So, what's on the cards today?
5
00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:39,499
The 11:50 at Wincanton is looking
pretty interesting.
6
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:40,763
Bring it on.
7
00:00:40,763 --> 00:01:05,490
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
8
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,939
The thing is, you've been spending
so much time on your music lately.
9
00:01:09,940 --> 00:01:13,259
Song writing takes time, Heather.
I'm not making lemonade here.
10
00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:15,339
I'm making wine.
11
00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:18,979
So, I put you down to play
at the open mic night, tonight.
12
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:20,899
What the fuck? What?!
13
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:22,739
You'll come, won't you, JP?
14
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:24,299
Dude, I'll do better than come,
15
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,179
I'll join your fucking band
right now.
16
00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:27,619
No, thanks.
17
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:31,619
Mate, seriously, you can guitarisize
and I'll be your hype man.
18
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,019
Hype man.
19
00:01:33,020 --> 00:01:35,379
Yeah, you don't know.
20
00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:38,459
♪ Yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo,
wasup?! ♪
21
00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:42,459
I'm just checking, you're all OK
for me to deploy the N-word?
22
00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:44,299
No. I'm not.
23
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,099
Yeah but like in a friendly way?
It's still a no.
24
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,779
JP. I'm not standing on the same
stage as you.
25
00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:49,819
Mate, why the frick not?
26
00:01:49,820 --> 00:01:52,339
Because, you've got that whole
James Blunt vibe going on.
27
00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:54,339
What the hell is wrong
with Blunters?
28
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:56,979
OK, that is enough.
29
00:01:56,980 --> 00:01:59,739
So, I'm not allowed to drop
the N-bomb in a friendly way
30
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:02,419
but it's alright for you
to discriminate against me
31
00:02:02,420 --> 00:02:06,419
because I'm posh?
This is bullshit in extremis.
32
00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:10,379
It's really sweet of you but I'm not
ready to perform live yet.
33
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,099
Stop being such a fanny.
34
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:13,579
I'm not being a fanny.
35
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:15,019
That tuft on your face
looks like a fanny.
36
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:17,099
It's not a tuft. It's a soul patch.
37
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,099
Hi, I'm back.
God, what an eye-opener.
38
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:23,059
It's all about the bloody incisors.
39
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,379
I thought you were doing wisdoms?
40
00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:26,459
It was both. We did both.
41
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,179
Yeah, Kingsley.
42
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:30,579
We are capable of simultaneously
comprehending
43
00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:34,579
two completely different teeth,
you know. God, you're so judgemental.
44
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:38,899
Seriously, KD, what is your beef
with Blunters?
45
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:41,819
It just feels really weird,
lying to Kings.
46
00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:44,739
You're not lying. You're just
choosing not to tell him something
47
00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:46,619
that happens to be temporarily true.
48
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,979
It's like telling your parents
you're gay,
49
00:02:48,980 --> 00:02:50,619
then two weeks later you're like,
50
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,939
"Oh, yeah, I've sorted
everything out with the uni
51
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,779
"and now I'm straight again."
52
00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:58,659
It's senseless. And as soon
as I'm back on my course...
53
00:02:58,660 --> 00:03:00,979
Josie, you're not coming back.
54
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,579
That's what they said about Jesus.
55
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:06,579
I just think trust is important.
Me and the King.
56
00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:07,459
'The King?'
57
00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:09,859
We have a great relationship.
58
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:13,779
But if the trust goes, the intimacy
goes and if the intimacy goes,
59
00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:17,779
we're just two meat machines
rubbing against each other. So...
60
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:22,539
It's embarrassing.
61
00:03:22,540 --> 00:03:26,459
And I just don't want to deal
with the whole thing
62
00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:30,459
and all the questions,
so just give me a couple of weeks.
63
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,099
Fine.
64
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,499
No, stop, stop, please.
65
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:38,059
Please not there, not there!
Ow, ow, stop!
66
00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:41,859
Do you reckon she's told him
she fucked his dad yet?
67
00:03:41,860 --> 00:03:43,059
Howard!
68
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:47,059
I'm getting a cab to the library
if you want to hop in.
69
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,779
You know the deal, book caddy.
70
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,939
At your disposal.
71
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,459
This is my announcement -
I am returning to Rotterdam.
72
00:03:55,460 --> 00:03:58,259
I can no longer live like this.
73
00:03:58,260 --> 00:04:00,299
You make too much noise
and you accuse me
74
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:04,299
of burglarizing my own area and you
are basically not good people.
75
00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:09,339
All the best, yeah?
76
00:04:09,397 --> 00:04:13,396
Um. Hugs?
77
00:04:18,974 --> 00:04:22,813
Actually JP, I'm going
to hang here for a bit.
78
00:04:22,814 --> 00:04:26,813
If I strain my lumbar,
I am small-claims-ing your arse.
79
00:04:29,014 --> 00:04:33,013
♪ Like Jean Paul Sartre on coke
80
00:04:34,054 --> 00:04:38,053
♪ My cheese is slipping off my toast
81
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:44,413
♪ Stop the sound of laughter
in my brain
82
00:04:51,670 --> 00:04:54,429
Wow, Kingsley, that was... amazing.
83
00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:58,429
What would you even call
that kind of music?
84
00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:01,269
I guess that's for the NME
to decide.
85
00:05:01,270 --> 00:05:03,709
"Oh, everything in its little
pigeon-hole."
86
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:05,469
Look, you're clearly nervous
87
00:05:05,470 --> 00:05:09,469
and I've just foisted this thing
on you, I had no right to foist.
88
00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:13,549
And the point is, if you don't want
to play, you don't have to.
89
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:16,029
No... you were right.
90
00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:19,229
I was being a fanny.
91
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:23,229
Well, this fanny is going to rip
Manchester a new arsehole.
92
00:05:28,230 --> 00:05:32,229
Jay-Paedo! Long time no see.
93
00:05:32,470 --> 00:05:35,189
Hey, guys. How's shit?
94
00:05:35,190 --> 00:05:37,749
Amazing. Have you heard about Cunty?
95
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,189
Bro's got fucking ME.
96
00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:41,949
He's been signed off
until next year.
97
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:45,949
He's got to have cognitive
physiotherapy. Lucky prick.
98
00:05:46,190 --> 00:05:49,509
Oh, yeah.
I'd fucking love to have ME.
99
00:05:49,510 --> 00:05:52,069
Yeah, I hear that. Actually,
I meant to drop you a text.
100
00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:53,549
Now that he's out the picture,
101
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:55,429
there's a vacancy
in the Stowe-Aways.
102
00:05:56,118 --> 00:05:57,437
Are you serious?
103
00:05:57,438 --> 00:05:59,137
Yeah, I'm as serious as anus cancer.
104
00:05:59,211 --> 00:06:02,087
I mean obviously you'd have to go
through the formal application process.
105
00:06:02,088 --> 00:06:05,367
We are talking about Manchester's
premier social dining society.
106
00:06:05,731 --> 00:06:06,690
You interested?
107
00:06:06,691 --> 00:06:10,690
Mate. I am as interested
as anus cancer.
108
00:06:12,091 --> 00:06:16,090
I... I'm interested.
109
00:06:23,171 --> 00:06:27,170
Thank you, Howard, for carrying out
the lightest piece of my luggage.
110
00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:32,930
Is there something you wish
to say to me?
111
00:06:45,211 --> 00:06:49,210
Mind how you go?
112
00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:02,530
Essays coming back to you now.
113
00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:06,130
They weren't as woeful as I was
anticipating, so kudos for that.
114
00:07:06,131 --> 00:07:10,130
In the style of that timeless
literary creation Mr William Wonka,
115
00:07:11,371 --> 00:07:14,530
you'll find attached to each essay,
a golden ticket.
116
00:07:14,531 --> 00:07:18,210
Said ticket entitles bearer
to attend one poetry recital
117
00:07:18,211 --> 00:07:21,730
by renowned New Formalist,
John Frobisher,
118
00:07:21,731 --> 00:07:23,930
on whom I just happen to be
a leading scholar.
119
00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:25,490
Attendance is not mandatory,
120
00:07:25,491 --> 00:07:28,250
though much like the aforementioned
Chocolate Factory,
121
00:07:28,251 --> 00:07:32,250
you may find it to be at once magical
and indeed nourishing.
122
00:07:36,851 --> 00:07:39,570
I think sometimes
they just don't "get" me.
123
00:07:39,571 --> 00:07:41,250
Like Kingsley the other day,
124
00:07:41,251 --> 00:07:44,730
said that my white trousers
wouldn't look good on stage.
125
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,970
But I think white trousers
would be great on stage,
126
00:07:46,971 --> 00:07:49,250
because people can see you
really clearly!
127
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:52,370
That is exactly why you need
to join the Stowe-Aways.Yeah!
128
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:54,850
I'm desperate to get back
on the Bantasaurus.
129
00:07:54,851 --> 00:07:56,650
The three of us, back together.
130
00:07:56,651 --> 00:07:59,610
It'll be like a Bermuda Triangle
of banter.
131
00:07:59,611 --> 00:08:01,690
Bro, you do realise
there's a bit more to being
132
00:08:01,691 --> 00:08:03,290
a Stowe-Away than banter?
133
00:08:03,291 --> 00:08:06,170
Yeah, it's not just about going
to a Chinese restaurant
134
00:08:06,171 --> 00:08:08,010
and doing a shit in a pint glass.
135
00:08:08,011 --> 00:08:09,850
It is partly about that.
136
00:08:09,851 --> 00:08:13,730
Well, look, it's about being
a Stowe boy. It's about solidarity.
137
00:08:13,731 --> 00:08:17,610
You're posh, JP. You'll always be
posh. It's in your DNA.
138
00:08:17,611 --> 00:08:19,930
It's, it's like an ethnicity,
139
00:08:19,931 --> 00:08:23,930
like being black or Hindu
or fucking Jedi.
140
00:08:24,531 --> 00:08:27,730
We are the minority.
We have to stick together.
141
00:08:27,731 --> 00:08:29,090
Posh pride, bro.
142
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:32,570
Yeah, I've got fucking
gooseflesh, yo.
143
00:08:32,571 --> 00:08:36,370
Now, before I can anoint you
as the newest member of our elite
144
00:08:36,371 --> 00:08:38,930
dining circle, I have just one
question for you.
145
00:08:38,931 --> 00:08:40,410
And that is this...
146
00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:43,850
would you be willing
to smoke a pipe of my pubes?
147
00:08:43,851 --> 00:08:47,850
Yes, I would.
148
00:08:50,171 --> 00:08:54,170
Pube me up, boys. Pube me up.
149
00:08:55,771 --> 00:08:59,650
IDs ready please. IDs.
150
00:08:59,651 --> 00:09:00,850
Fucking Shales.
151
00:09:00,851 --> 00:09:03,530
He's trying to keep me out
of some poetry thing,
152
00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:06,010
I don't even want to go to.
Well, guess what. I'm going.
153
00:09:06,011 --> 00:09:08,370
You in?
154
00:09:08,371 --> 00:09:10,090
I'm doing something with Dylan.
155
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:14,090
Oh, really? Would that be,
telling him you shagged his dad?
156
00:09:14,331 --> 00:09:17,730
I've tried.
He's just so pure and innocent.
157
00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:20,290
It's like trying to stamp
on a puppy.
158
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:22,210
All you got to do is,
go up to him and say,
159
00:09:22,211 --> 00:09:26,130
"Oi, Oedipus, I fucked your dad
and I used to have a weird
160
00:09:26,131 --> 00:09:29,130
"girl-crush on your mum.
Get over it."
161
00:09:29,131 --> 00:09:31,690
Just so you know,
Oedipus is nothing like that.
162
00:09:31,691 --> 00:09:34,130
Maybe I'll take him
out for lunch somewhere tomorrow.
163
00:09:34,131 --> 00:09:36,730
Somewhere public... so he can't cry.
164
00:09:36,731 --> 00:09:38,250
See, now you're thinking.
165
00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:40,610
She was right. Look at us.
166
00:09:40,611 --> 00:09:44,330
We are not good people.
167
00:09:44,331 --> 00:09:46,570
Oh, shit. Here we go.
168
00:09:46,571 --> 00:09:49,290
Um. I'd like to dedicate
this song to Heather.
169
00:09:49,291 --> 00:09:52,090
I love you, babe.
170
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:56,090
This is the Implodium Implodes.
171
00:10:04,221 --> 00:10:08,220
♪ Sitting here, in the darkness
with my friends
172
00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:12,820
♪ Mr Madness
173
00:10:15,721 --> 00:10:19,720
♪ Hitting on my shoulder
174
00:10:21,081 --> 00:10:23,440
♪ Making me feel older
175
00:10:23,441 --> 00:10:26,200
♪ Best of me
176
00:10:26,201 --> 00:10:29,687
♪ Is it the only thin left for me? ♪
177
00:10:41,021 --> 00:10:43,660
So what did we think?
178
00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:46,420
Yeah... It was really good.
179
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:47,700
I liked it.
180
00:10:47,701 --> 00:10:49,300
Brilliant.
181
00:10:49,301 --> 00:10:51,820
What the fuck were you doing
with your neck?!
182
00:10:51,821 --> 00:10:55,820
What?
183
00:10:56,381 --> 00:10:57,940
You were like a fucking turtle!
184
00:10:57,941 --> 00:10:59,900
What are you on about? No, I wasn't.
185
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:03,900
Erm... It was quite neck-heavy.
186
00:11:04,101 --> 00:11:06,340
But what about the song?
187
00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:09,300
It was quite hard to concentrate
with all the neck business.
188
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:13,140
Oh, right. So basically I should just
go backstage and hang myself?
189
00:11:13,141 --> 00:11:16,140
I imagine hanging's
going to be pretty tricky.
190
00:11:23,381 --> 00:11:26,020
The amazing thing is,
it actually tasted really great.
191
00:11:26,021 --> 00:11:28,180
Oh, stupid cow!
192
00:11:28,203 --> 00:11:28,922
Girl troubles?
193
00:11:28,923 --> 00:11:30,362
My cousin.
194
00:11:30,363 --> 00:11:32,922
It seems she's incapable
of following basic instructions.
195
00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:35,842
Sounds like the medical definition
of terminal ball-ache.
196
00:11:35,843 --> 00:11:39,842
Yeah. Oh, this is her.
197
00:11:42,306 --> 00:11:44,585
Ca va?
Bien et toi?
198
00:11:44,586 --> 00:11:47,665
Ouais. Nous allons etre en retard.
Mais t'etais ou?
199
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:51,665
J'ai pris le bus, comme tu m'as dit,
le 520...
200
00:11:51,666 --> 00:11:55,265
Shotgun!
201
00:12:08,346 --> 00:12:12,345
Oh, hear he is.
He's finally come out of his shell.
202
00:12:12,988 --> 00:12:14,487
Yep, good one.
203
00:12:14,541 --> 00:12:16,540
I heard it was really shit.
204
00:12:16,541 --> 00:12:20,540
Oh, he's got good stuff, to be fair.
You're just not a front man.
205
00:12:20,581 --> 00:12:23,300
I don't suppose you'd fancy it?
206
00:12:23,301 --> 00:12:26,580
What another band? And go through
the whole A&R sausage factory
207
00:12:26,581 --> 00:12:28,500
just to end up
on the fucking hamster wheel
208
00:12:28,501 --> 00:12:31,860
supporting Placebo around Benelux
for six weeks? No, thanks.
209
00:12:31,861 --> 00:12:34,540
You have one of the illest hype men
in the whole of the North West
210
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:37,780
sitting next to you on the sofa,
all you have to do is ask.
211
00:12:37,851 --> 00:12:38,890
Ask Oregon.
212
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:39,930
Ask me what?
213
00:12:39,931 --> 00:12:42,450
Do you want to
be in Kingsley's band?
214
00:12:42,451 --> 00:12:44,570
Hang on, can you even sing?
215
00:12:44,571 --> 00:12:48,170
Yeah, yeah, I can do sort of, erm...
216
00:12:48,171 --> 00:12:52,170
♪ Black velvet
in a little boy's smile
217
00:12:52,291 --> 00:12:56,130
♪ Black velvet
and that slow Southern style
218
00:12:56,131 --> 00:13:00,130
♪ A new religion
that will bring it to your knees
219
00:13:00,651 --> 00:13:04,650
♪ Black velvet if you please. ♪
220
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,370
Yeah, OK... You're in.
221
00:13:07,371 --> 00:13:10,250
Cool, yeah.
222
00:13:10,251 --> 00:13:13,730
I, er... really like your jumper.
223
00:13:13,731 --> 00:13:15,250
What is that, a turtleneck?
224
00:13:15,251 --> 00:13:17,010
Pointless.
225
00:13:17,011 --> 00:13:18,970
Remember,
cos he looked like a turtle?
226
00:13:18,971 --> 00:13:21,610
Yes.
227
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,170
So this is the verse?
228
00:13:35,171 --> 00:13:37,530
No, that's the pre-verse.
That's the verse.
229
00:13:37,531 --> 00:13:40,330
That's the middle-eight,
that's the break-down,
230
00:13:40,331 --> 00:13:42,410
and then we're into the outro,
231
00:13:42,411 --> 00:13:44,230
and then we do the intro
but an octave higher...
232
00:13:44,307 --> 00:13:45,226
Shall we just try it?
233
00:13:45,227 --> 00:13:49,226
Yeah.
234
00:13:50,867 --> 00:13:53,746
This... ends now.
235
00:13:53,747 --> 00:13:55,586
We're in the middle of something,
Howard.
236
00:13:55,587 --> 00:13:57,986
I can just about the tolerate
the abstract idea
237
00:13:57,987 --> 00:14:00,266
that we have a band
made up of housemates,
238
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:04,266
but what I cannot abide is having to
literally sit down and listen to it.
239
00:14:05,227 --> 00:14:06,466
Just give us half an hour.
240
00:14:06,467 --> 00:14:10,106
Put the guitar down right now
241
00:14:10,107 --> 00:14:12,586
or I'm browning you out.
242
00:14:12,612 --> 00:14:14,071
What?
243
00:14:14,074 --> 00:14:18,073
You just got browned out, buddy!
244
00:14:18,314 --> 00:14:22,313
Where were we?
245
00:14:22,874 --> 00:14:23,793
The power's gone.
246
00:14:23,794 --> 00:14:27,793
Howard.
247
00:14:28,674 --> 00:14:30,473
Of course I've been to Paris.
248
00:14:30,474 --> 00:14:34,473
Morrison's grave, Mona Lisa,
baguette, brie.
249
00:14:35,114 --> 00:14:38,473
Boom! In and out, one hour 45.
250
00:14:38,474 --> 00:14:42,473
Fruity beckons. Feed the beast.
251
00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,733
Your English is excellent,
by the way.
252
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:48,883
How is your French?
253
00:14:48,884 --> 00:14:52,883
Oh, I know all the...
major swear words.
254
00:14:53,404 --> 00:14:56,363
Merde, je t'en...
255
00:14:56,364 --> 00:14:58,083
Je t'encule.
256
00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:00,163
Je t'encule... le chatte.
257
00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:01,443
Lachatte.
258
00:15:01,444 --> 00:15:05,403
Enough to get by.
259
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,043
Tobes tells me you're into skiing.
260
00:15:07,044 --> 00:15:10,403
Please. You are not interested
in my ski stories.
261
00:15:10,404 --> 00:15:14,403
Oh, no, I am, I love skiing.
I'm a real slopemonkey.
262
00:15:14,924 --> 00:15:18,163
Cut me open and I bleed... skiing.
263
00:15:18,164 --> 00:15:22,003
Well, I have just done
my level one instructor course.
264
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,603
The level two test takes ten days,
265
00:15:24,604 --> 00:15:27,803
so I want to do that
maybe over Christmas.
266
00:15:27,804 --> 00:15:31,803
And, er... how about you?
267
00:15:32,284 --> 00:15:35,363
I once took a piss
out of a ski lift in Val d'Isere.
268
00:15:35,364 --> 00:15:39,123
My friend told me that my piss
would freeze on the way down
269
00:15:39,124 --> 00:15:40,883
so I'd have
like a 100m-long piss sword.
270
00:15:40,884 --> 00:15:44,883
But er... that... that doesn't happen.
271
00:15:53,804 --> 00:15:56,723
Dylan. There's something
I need to tell you.
272
00:15:56,724 --> 00:15:59,003
Oh? Sounds ominous.
273
00:15:59,004 --> 00:16:02,083
Nothing bad... Not really bad.
274
00:16:03,124 --> 00:16:04,883
The thing is Dylan...
275
00:16:04,884 --> 00:16:08,883
One sec... Hey, Dad.
276
00:16:09,564 --> 00:16:12,523
Hi, erm...
I'm just out for some lunch.
277
00:16:12,524 --> 00:16:15,483
Yeah, the Lamplighter,
just off Dean Street.
278
00:16:15,484 --> 00:16:17,483
Do you mind if my dad joins us?
279
00:16:17,484 --> 00:16:18,723
Yes.
280
00:16:18,724 --> 00:16:19,643
He won't stay long.
281
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:22,443
I get nervous round parents,
I'm actually very parent-averse.
282
00:16:22,444 --> 00:16:24,523
Yep.
283
00:16:24,524 --> 00:16:28,523
He was just round the corner.
I couldn't say no.
284
00:16:29,444 --> 00:16:33,043
Right! Well...
285
00:16:33,044 --> 00:16:35,883
I think it's actually pretty shoddy,
Dylan.
286
00:16:35,884 --> 00:16:37,923
I mean you can't just invite
your dad round
287
00:16:37,924 --> 00:16:40,523
because he's around the corner,
just on a blind whim.
288
00:16:40,524 --> 00:16:43,563
Melissa, it's OK.
Look, I know this is a big step...
289
00:16:43,564 --> 00:16:47,563
No, no, it's all gone to pot.
It's shoddy!
290
00:16:49,324 --> 00:16:53,323
Shame on you!
291
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,683
Hi!
292
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,563
It's like I was genuinely interested
in what she had to say.
293
00:17:01,564 --> 00:17:03,003
Incredible.
294
00:17:03,004 --> 00:17:05,923
Cause you know the way normally
when you're talking to a chick,
295
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:09,923
You're making all the right noises,
"Oh? Yeah? Oh? Interesting, hmm."
296
00:17:11,844 --> 00:17:14,763
But actually all you're doing
is looking down their top.
297
00:17:14,764 --> 00:17:15,803
Mm-hm.
298
00:17:15,804 --> 00:17:17,083
Well, it wasn't like that.
299
00:17:17,084 --> 00:17:21,083
Oh, well, if you like her, just...
don't have sex with her straightaway.
300
00:17:22,044 --> 00:17:24,003
Get to know her a bit first.
301
00:17:24,004 --> 00:17:26,683
Yeah, well, that cannot
and will not happen.
302
00:17:26,684 --> 00:17:28,243
Ralph called shotgun on her.
303
00:17:28,244 --> 00:17:31,603
You can't... call shotgun on a person.
304
00:17:31,604 --> 00:17:33,043
Well, I'm pretty sure you can.
305
00:17:33,044 --> 00:17:34,763
You definitely can't.
306
00:17:34,764 --> 00:17:37,763
So you've never heard the expression
"Calling shotgun"?
307
00:17:37,764 --> 00:17:41,203
Yeah, it refers to the passenger seat
of a car.
308
00:17:41,204 --> 00:17:44,083
OK. Sure, Kingsley.
309
00:17:44,084 --> 00:17:46,203
Whatever makes you happy.
310
00:17:46,204 --> 00:17:48,643
Howard! I want my power back.
311
00:17:48,644 --> 00:17:52,643
Why? To ride roughshod over me
with your inoffensive indie music?
312
00:17:52,764 --> 00:17:53,803
It's not inoffensive.
313
00:17:53,804 --> 00:17:57,323
To be fair, Howie, it's not really
your power to take away.
314
00:17:57,324 --> 00:18:00,603
No? The fuse box in my bedroom
would beg to differ.
315
00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:02,803
Why do you think
I took the ground floor?
316
00:18:02,804 --> 00:18:06,803
Hmm? He who controls the power...
controls the power.
317
00:18:08,604 --> 00:18:09,763
Is that a saying?
318
00:18:09,764 --> 00:18:11,083
Yeah, it is.
319
00:18:11,084 --> 00:18:12,843
Things are going to change
round here.
320
00:18:12,844 --> 00:18:15,603
It's about time
you learned about mutual respect.
321
00:18:15,604 --> 00:18:19,603
Welcome to the age
of the rolling brown-out.
322
00:18:20,404 --> 00:18:22,363
Melissa?
323
00:18:22,364 --> 00:18:24,443
Oh, hi, Dylan!
324
00:18:24,444 --> 00:18:26,643
Are you OK? It's just...
325
00:18:26,644 --> 00:18:28,403
It's been like 25 minutes.
326
00:18:28,404 --> 00:18:32,403
Yeah. I think it was those prawns,
I just did really a funny poo.
327
00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:36,003
Did you want me to call a doctor?
328
00:18:36,004 --> 00:18:39,843
No, no...
I'm quite comfy here, actually.
329
00:18:39,844 --> 00:18:42,763
Could I just wait in here
until I feel better?
330
00:18:42,764 --> 00:18:46,763
OK, erm,
I will... check on you in a bit.
331
00:18:46,804 --> 00:18:49,243
OK, bye!
332
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:51,563
Yeah, hello!
333
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,003
'I'm trapped in a toilet.'
334
00:18:53,004 --> 00:18:54,043
Trapped how?
335
00:18:54,044 --> 00:18:57,563
I was out with Dylan, Shales turned
up, I panicked. Do something.
336
00:18:57,564 --> 00:18:58,203
Like what?
337
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:01,123
I don't know, you're the ideas man,
think of something!
338
00:19:01,124 --> 00:19:03,643
Phone in a bomb threat.
Yeah, that'll work.
339
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:06,163
Wait there, I've got another call.
Speak.
340
00:19:06,164 --> 00:19:08,883
I've just seen Josie
come out of the bookies.
341
00:19:08,884 --> 00:19:10,883
She's supposed to be in a lecture
with Heather.
342
00:19:10,884 --> 00:19:12,323
Shit! Follow her!
343
00:19:12,324 --> 00:19:13,963
Really?
344
00:19:13,964 --> 00:19:16,123
'Yeah, I saw her eating a Solero
in a playground.'
345
00:19:16,124 --> 00:19:18,923
Bookies, ice creams...
God, this is skaghead territory.
346
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:19,803
Is it?
347
00:19:19,804 --> 00:19:22,123
Stay on her. Wait there.
Yo, what's happening?
348
00:19:22,124 --> 00:19:25,523
Why would they make the window
so tiny?! This is just stupid!
349
00:19:25,524 --> 00:19:26,723
Oh.
350
00:19:26,724 --> 00:19:28,243
Kingsley, talk to me.
351
00:19:28,244 --> 00:19:32,243
OK, she's just gone into a shop
and bought a copy of a magazine.
352
00:19:32,884 --> 00:19:35,603
Oh, shit!
Look, don't let her out your sight.
353
00:19:35,604 --> 00:19:38,843
I'm telling you, she's on
the last train to smackville.
354
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:39,963
OK.
355
00:19:39,964 --> 00:19:41,443
'I'm going to do it.'
356
00:19:41,444 --> 00:19:44,643
I'm going to walk out there
and I'm going to face the music.
357
00:19:44,644 --> 00:19:46,643
'Goodbye, Vod.'
358
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:50,643
Goodbye.
359
00:19:56,764 --> 00:19:59,683
We could try to do
a regular Sunday-lunch thing.
360
00:19:59,684 --> 00:20:01,963
Oh, er, Dad.
361
00:20:01,964 --> 00:20:04,403
I'd like you to meet Melissa.
362
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:08,403
She's my girlfriend.
363
00:20:16,404 --> 00:20:18,204
Hi.
364
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:31,092
Oh. You'll be all right if I nip to
the loo? He might bore you to death.
365
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,620
I'm fine with it, by the way.
366
00:20:37,621 --> 00:20:40,220
I didn't know he was your son
when we first slept together.
367
00:20:40,221 --> 00:20:42,660
Don't go on about it!
Don't keep going on about it.
368
00:20:42,661 --> 00:20:45,140
Please don't tell him.
369
00:20:45,141 --> 00:20:46,700
He needs to know.
370
00:20:46,701 --> 00:20:49,980
I'll work something out.
I am going to tell him.
371
00:20:49,981 --> 00:20:53,980
But, you know,
you're old, you might die.
372
00:20:54,661 --> 00:20:56,140
Move to Buxton with me right now.
373
00:20:56,141 --> 00:20:59,020
Let's just pack the complete works
of Thoreau and move to Buxton.
374
00:20:59,021 --> 00:20:59,820
Tony!
375
00:20:59,821 --> 00:21:02,740
You obviously still like me. You're
fucking my son, for fuck's sake.
376
00:21:02,741 --> 00:21:03,980
He's like a small me.
377
00:21:03,981 --> 00:21:05,940
Why would you want the small me
when you could have big me?
378
00:21:05,941 --> 00:21:08,180
So... what did I miss?
379
00:21:08,181 --> 00:21:12,180
Nothing. Just a load of waffle
from boring, boring old me.
380
00:21:12,741 --> 00:21:15,020
Poor girl.
381
00:21:15,021 --> 00:21:17,100
She ended up... erm...
382
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:21,100
sitting on the kerb outside Wenzel's
reading Grazia and drinking Irn-Bru?
383
00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:24,980
What a fucking cliche.
384
00:21:24,981 --> 00:21:27,620
Just another dope-fiend
hitting the Irn-Bru.
385
00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:30,380
A house band - tick.
386
00:21:30,381 --> 00:21:34,380
A member of the household
with substance abuse issues - tick.
387
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,380
We need to do something.
388
00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:39,620
Give me your belts.
Every belt you own.
389
00:21:39,621 --> 00:21:42,820
We're belting her down.
390
00:21:42,821 --> 00:21:44,300
48-hour belt-down.
391
00:21:44,301 --> 00:21:46,380
We need to call her mum.
Does anyone have her mum's number?
392
00:21:46,381 --> 00:21:49,060
Why are you getting yourself
in such a state about it?
393
00:21:49,061 --> 00:21:51,180
Josie's a smackhead.
394
00:21:51,181 --> 00:21:53,140
Do you not know what that means?
395
00:21:53,141 --> 00:21:54,940
Have you not seen The Wire?
396
00:21:54,941 --> 00:21:57,500
Oh, what is it with people
and The Wire?
397
00:21:57,501 --> 00:21:59,420
Even if she is,
which she definitely isn't,
398
00:21:59,421 --> 00:22:02,420
why are you getting your panties
so bunched up about it?
399
00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:04,980
My panties are not bunched up.
400
00:22:04,981 --> 00:22:07,340
My panties are loose and comfortable,
401
00:22:07,341 --> 00:22:11,340
but the fact remains that a member of
our house is going through a crisis
402
00:22:11,501 --> 00:22:13,620
and I think it behoves us all to...
403
00:22:13,621 --> 00:22:15,380
Behoves?!
404
00:22:15,381 --> 00:22:18,060
Yes, behovesus
to give a shit about it.
405
00:22:18,061 --> 00:22:20,340
How do you know
she's not a smackhead?
406
00:22:20,341 --> 00:22:22,500
Because she's not, OK?
407
00:22:22,501 --> 00:22:25,260
She's been kicked off her course.
What?
408
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:28,860
She put an implement through a
woman's cheek and she's got a hole.
409
00:22:28,861 --> 00:22:29,340
Holy shit.
410
00:22:29,341 --> 00:22:31,500
I would actually
quite like to see that.
411
00:22:31,501 --> 00:22:33,980
She didn't want you to find out -
she's embarrassed.
412
00:22:35,541 --> 00:22:36,820
Josie.
413
00:22:36,821 --> 00:22:40,820
It's over. They know.
414
00:22:41,901 --> 00:22:45,900
Are there any photos,
do we know, of said cheeky hole?
415
00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:52,140
So how are things going with Celeste?
416
00:22:52,141 --> 00:22:55,340
She is boring as bollocks,
but, still,
417
00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:58,380
I'm going to ruin that.
418
00:22:58,381 --> 00:23:01,620
Don't ruin it. I mean, mess it up,
419
00:23:01,621 --> 00:23:05,420
but don't ruin it.
420
00:23:05,421 --> 00:23:09,420
I've actually got a favour. Your
first assignment as a Stowe-Away.
421
00:23:09,741 --> 00:23:11,420
I'm going to Scotland
tomorrow night.
422
00:23:11,421 --> 00:23:14,180
There's a debutante ball
for Dippy Middleton.
423
00:23:14,181 --> 00:23:15,740
There's another Middleton?
424
00:23:15,741 --> 00:23:18,740
They kept her on lockdown,
embargoed her till she went legal.
425
00:23:18,741 --> 00:23:21,780
The only problem is,
Frenchie's drawing a lot of heat,
426
00:23:21,781 --> 00:23:24,020
so I want you to keep an eye
on her for me.
427
00:23:24,021 --> 00:23:26,100
Chaperone her, take her out.
428
00:23:26,101 --> 00:23:27,700
Really?
429
00:23:27,701 --> 00:23:31,700
Make sure no-one trespasses on
my property. Cock-block that vadge.
430
00:23:32,141 --> 00:23:35,260
Mate, I will literally cock-block
the shit out of it.
431
00:23:35,261 --> 00:23:37,660
I'll be jumping
in front of flying cocks
432
00:23:37,661 --> 00:23:40,780
like Costner in
The fucking Bodyguard.
433
00:23:40,781 --> 00:23:41,780
Yeah!
434
00:23:41,781 --> 00:23:42,820
That's out.
435
00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:46,140
Yeah, yeah, it was.
436
00:23:46,141 --> 00:23:48,180
Josie, this is really bad.
437
00:23:48,181 --> 00:23:51,500
It's a challenge.
It's a mountain I must climb
438
00:23:51,501 --> 00:23:54,500
to clear my name
of my so-called of fence.
439
00:23:54,501 --> 00:23:56,620
You disfigured a human woman.
440
00:23:56,621 --> 00:23:59,380
"Disfigured"
is a very emotive word, Vod.
441
00:23:59,381 --> 00:24:02,700
I would like to take this
opportunity to formally cancel
442
00:24:02,701 --> 00:24:03,980
my scale and polish.
443
00:24:03,981 --> 00:24:05,700
Have you spoken to
your head of department?
444
00:24:05,701 --> 00:24:06,740
Yes.
445
00:24:06,741 --> 00:24:09,580
OK, so what's the next step?
446
00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:12,860
The next step is a...
grassroots campaign
447
00:24:12,861 --> 00:24:15,060
to replace my head of department.
448
00:24:15,061 --> 00:24:17,460
Josie...
449
00:24:17,461 --> 00:24:19,940
I don't say this to be horrible...
450
00:24:19,941 --> 00:24:23,940
but... I don't think
you can be a dentist anymore.
451
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:34,100
But all I wanted was
to give myself to dental hygiene.
452
00:24:36,381 --> 00:24:37,820
Put the kettle on.
453
00:24:46,821 --> 00:24:49,420
Oi, Oompa-Loompa,
do you need to see my golden ticket?
454
00:24:49,421 --> 00:24:50,900
Cos I haven't got one.
455
00:25:00,981 --> 00:25:03,060
Do they have any fresh orange?
456
00:25:03,061 --> 00:25:04,460
They've got this.
457
00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:08,420
It tastes like dusty vinegar
with some piss in it.
458
00:25:08,421 --> 00:25:10,540
Stick that on your tasting notes.
459
00:25:12,781 --> 00:25:15,660
How was the thing? Was it shit?
460
00:25:15,661 --> 00:25:19,660
Probably.
461
00:25:20,741 --> 00:25:23,460
It was your thing, wasn't it?
462
00:25:23,461 --> 00:25:24,700
Kind of, yeah.
463
00:25:24,701 --> 00:25:25,740
Right.
464
00:25:25,741 --> 00:25:29,300
No, I would have come earlier,
only...
465
00:25:29,301 --> 00:25:33,260
To be honest,
I'm only here to spite someone.
466
00:25:33,261 --> 00:25:35,020
I didn't catch your name.
467
00:25:35,021 --> 00:25:36,500
Vod.
468
00:25:36,501 --> 00:25:38,180
John Frobisher.
469
00:25:38,181 --> 00:25:42,180
Easy, John Frobisher.
470
00:25:46,941 --> 00:25:49,140
I've put us down
for the open mic tomorrow night.
471
00:25:49,141 --> 00:25:51,060
I just think I need to
get back out there.
472
00:25:51,061 --> 00:25:52,980
I've thought of some names.
473
00:25:52,981 --> 00:25:55,260
Oh. Er... yeah... great.
474
00:25:55,261 --> 00:25:56,660
OK.
475
00:25:56,661 --> 00:25:57,420
Trash Baby?
476
00:25:57,421 --> 00:25:58,460
Too American.
477
00:25:58,461 --> 00:25:59,900
Leitmotif?
478
00:25:59,901 --> 00:26:01,460
Too pretentious.
479
00:26:01,461 --> 00:26:02,580
The Time Bandits?
480
00:26:02,581 --> 00:26:04,060
That makes us sound like dwarves.
481
00:26:04,061 --> 00:26:05,820
Mulberry Wine?
482
00:26:05,821 --> 00:26:07,220
That makes us sound
like fell-walkers.
483
00:26:07,221 --> 00:26:08,260
Corporate Cannibal?
484
00:26:08,261 --> 00:26:09,060
Just rubbish.
485
00:26:09,061 --> 00:26:11,500
High Jinx? Jinx with an X.
486
00:26:11,501 --> 00:26:12,580
Again, rubbish.
487
00:26:12,581 --> 00:26:13,620
Fiddler's Shilling?
488
00:26:13,621 --> 00:26:14,780
Too medieval.
489
00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:16,100
Kingsley and Oregon?
490
00:26:16,101 --> 00:26:17,140
Derivative.
491
00:26:17,141 --> 00:26:18,540
The Black Ponies?
492
00:26:18,541 --> 00:26:19,580
No Thes.
493
00:26:19,581 --> 00:26:20,140
Black Ponies?
494
00:26:20,141 --> 00:26:21,180
No colours.
495
00:26:21,181 --> 00:26:23,420
Ponies? No animals.
I don't think this is going to work out.
496
00:26:23,421 --> 00:26:25,460
Oh, come on, don't be so precious.
497
00:26:25,461 --> 00:26:26,980
No, this is your thing.
498
00:26:26,981 --> 00:26:30,980
Maybe you should just do the gig
on your own.
499
00:26:32,301 --> 00:26:34,900
Erm... OK, if it means
that much to you,
500
00:26:34,901 --> 00:26:37,220
how about you just pick a name
and I'll go with it?
501
00:26:37,221 --> 00:26:39,620
OK. Erm...
502
00:26:39,621 --> 00:26:41,940
then we are called...
503
00:26:41,941 --> 00:26:45,940
Hartnell Avenue.
504
00:26:47,901 --> 00:26:51,260
Oh, we're all out
of dusty piss vinegar.
505
00:26:51,261 --> 00:26:55,260
In that case, we need to take
our custom elsewhere. Where's nice?
506
00:26:55,421 --> 00:26:57,460
Do you want nice
or do you want good?
507
00:26:57,461 --> 00:27:00,620
I've got a flight in four hours.
I want whiskey.
508
00:27:00,621 --> 00:27:02,260
Well, that's lucky John Frobisher,
509
00:27:02,261 --> 00:27:04,660
because I know somewhere
that sells whiskey.
510
00:27:04,661 --> 00:27:06,780
Oh, here he comes, Willy Wanker.
511
00:27:06,781 --> 00:27:08,460
So what are we talking about?
512
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:10,100
Fish-gutting. Ever done it?
513
00:27:10,101 --> 00:27:11,620
No.
It shows.
514
00:27:11,621 --> 00:27:15,620
I'll get my things.
515
00:27:16,981 --> 00:27:18,180
You're leaving together?
516
00:27:18,181 --> 00:27:21,420
Not like that. Pervert.
It's going for a drink.
517
00:27:21,421 --> 00:27:24,260
He's drinking? Jesus Christ,
he's supposed to be on the wagon.
518
00:27:24,261 --> 00:27:28,260
Well, then,
I guess shit just happened.
519
00:27:30,981 --> 00:27:34,940
If you get a chance,
ask him who the red lady is.
520
00:27:34,941 --> 00:27:36,380
What red lady?
521
00:27:36,381 --> 00:27:38,420
It's one of the last
great literary enigmas.
522
00:27:38,421 --> 00:27:41,780
Find out who the red lady is
and let's just say...
523
00:27:41,781 --> 00:27:43,660
I'll make it worth your while.
524
00:27:43,661 --> 00:27:45,020
Money?
525
00:27:45,021 --> 00:27:49,020
Money. A small amount of money.
526
00:27:54,301 --> 00:27:56,980
It's not a song,
it's not even a song.
527
00:27:56,981 --> 00:27:59,900
It's an odyssey.
528
00:27:59,901 --> 00:28:03,540
I've got one. A song.
529
00:28:03,541 --> 00:28:06,260
You... you write?
530
00:28:06,261 --> 00:28:08,700
Well, I wouldn't call it writing,
per se.
531
00:28:08,701 --> 00:28:10,380
Careful.
532
00:28:10,381 --> 00:28:12,940
I'm actually a bit embarrassed
to play it to you,
533
00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:14,380
but it goes kind of...
534
00:28:14,381 --> 00:28:17,020
♪ On a dusty road
535
00:28:17,021 --> 00:28:19,060
♪ I took some turns
536
00:28:19,061 --> 00:28:23,060
♪ And I don't want to look back
537
00:28:23,581 --> 00:28:26,660
♪ Now you've got my back
and I've got yours
538
00:28:26,661 --> 00:28:29,860
♪ I was lost like a ship
539
00:28:29,861 --> 00:28:32,980
♪ Swept up
and crashed upon these rocks
540
00:28:32,981 --> 00:28:36,980
♪ You shone your light,
guided me into your arms
541
00:28:37,861 --> 00:28:41,860
♪ So shine on me
542
00:28:42,021 --> 00:28:44,740
♪ Shine your light down on me
543
00:28:44,741 --> 00:28:48,100
♪ You turn this ember
544
00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:52,100
♪ Into a flame. ♪
545
00:28:54,581 --> 00:28:58,580
And then there's, like,
a verse and a chorus.
546
00:28:59,341 --> 00:29:01,580
What do you think?
547
00:29:01,581 --> 00:29:05,580
A bit slow and depressing.
548
00:29:07,941 --> 00:29:10,420
Just so you don't hear it
second-hand,
549
00:29:10,421 --> 00:29:12,940
I wanted you to know
that I've been kicked off my course.
550
00:29:12,941 --> 00:29:14,660
I'm officially no longer a student.
551
00:29:14,661 --> 00:29:18,140
Fuck my mouth!
But... what happens now?
552
00:29:18,141 --> 00:29:20,660
Well, right now I'm going
to make some more crumbles,
553
00:29:20,661 --> 00:29:23,100
then I'm going on a five-mile ramble
to Healey Dell,
554
00:29:23,101 --> 00:29:25,300
and then later this afternoon
I'm going zorbing.
555
00:29:25,301 --> 00:29:27,300
Zorbing?
556
00:29:27,301 --> 00:29:29,420
Yeah, they put you in
a big plastic hamster ball
557
00:29:29,421 --> 00:29:30,740
and then push you down a hill.
558
00:29:30,741 --> 00:29:32,860
So if you're asking,
"Do I miss dentistry?"
559
00:29:32,861 --> 00:29:36,100
Crumbles, rambles, zorbing.
560
00:29:36,101 --> 00:29:37,540
Why are there crumbles everywhere?
561
00:29:37,541 --> 00:29:39,740
Oh, I thought it'd be nice.
562
00:29:39,741 --> 00:29:41,420
Dude, problemo.
563
00:29:41,421 --> 00:29:44,340
Ralph's out of town and he's asked me
to look after Celeste.
564
00:29:44,341 --> 00:29:45,220
So?
565
00:29:45,221 --> 00:29:48,660
Dude, I've got heavy nuts
for this chick.
566
00:29:48,661 --> 00:29:50,340
I want to inseminate her.
567
00:29:50,341 --> 00:29:51,580
Romantically.
568
00:29:51,581 --> 00:29:55,460
Then you should. Live life,
you know, go for it. Carpe diem.
569
00:29:55,461 --> 00:29:57,460
This one's strawberries and apples.
570
00:29:57,461 --> 00:29:59,660
But she's Ralph's property.
571
00:29:59,661 --> 00:30:03,260
I mean, whether or not "shotgun"
would hold up in a court of law,
572
00:30:03,261 --> 00:30:05,100
that's for the lawyers to decide.
573
00:30:05,101 --> 00:30:05,780
It wouldn't.
574
00:30:05,781 --> 00:30:08,820
But I just can't do it.
I'm a Stowe-Away now.
575
00:30:08,821 --> 00:30:12,140
I have to honour my breed.
576
00:30:12,141 --> 00:30:14,140
I've found us a bongo player.
577
00:30:14,141 --> 00:30:16,460
I didn't know we were looking.
578
00:30:16,461 --> 00:30:19,540
Oh, just gives a bit of depth.
Why are there crumbles everywhere?
579
00:30:19,541 --> 00:30:22,700
I thought it'd be nice!
580
00:30:22,701 --> 00:30:25,300
Erm, hello! I play bongos.
581
00:30:25,301 --> 00:30:28,980
You know that guy at the house party
smashed off his tits,
582
00:30:29,350 --> 00:30:31,509
reefer hanging out of his chops,
583
00:30:31,510 --> 00:30:35,109
playing the bongos
with his shirt off?
584
00:30:35,110 --> 00:30:36,589
Muggins.
585
00:30:36,590 --> 00:30:38,709
Stop talking so loud!
586
00:30:38,710 --> 00:30:40,789
Erm... we're not.
587
00:30:40,790 --> 00:30:42,804
Brown-out.
588
00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:46,149
Fuck.
589
00:30:46,150 --> 00:30:50,149
Right. That's it.
590
00:30:57,030 --> 00:30:59,549
Howard, please may you stop
browning us out?
591
00:30:59,550 --> 00:31:01,309
You drove her away.
592
00:31:01,310 --> 00:31:05,309
With your... noise
and your bad manners.
593
00:31:05,590 --> 00:31:09,589
Well, good luck making noise
without your precious power.
594
00:31:10,910 --> 00:31:12,669
Do you like crumble?
595
00:31:12,670 --> 00:31:16,669
Do we have custard?
596
00:31:21,590 --> 00:31:23,989
I've brought you
a pear and mandarin crumble.
597
00:31:23,990 --> 00:31:27,109
Nice one.
598
00:31:27,110 --> 00:31:30,429
Just had a text off Dylan...
about John Frobisher.
599
00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:33,149
I didn't shag him,
if that's the rumour.
600
00:31:33,150 --> 00:31:35,029
We just ended up doing
a load of yayo
601
00:31:35,030 --> 00:31:38,189
in the disabled bogs in the
White Bear and he gave me a book.
602
00:31:38,190 --> 00:31:40,189
He died.
603
00:31:40,190 --> 00:31:44,189
He was flying home.
They just found him after take-off.
604
00:31:44,390 --> 00:31:47,149
They had to ground the plane.
605
00:31:47,150 --> 00:31:51,109
Apparently he'd been drinking.
606
00:31:51,110 --> 00:31:54,389
Shit! I gave him a bottle
of whiskey to take on the plane.
607
00:31:54,390 --> 00:31:56,429
Shit.
608
00:31:56,430 --> 00:31:57,989
I killed Frobisher!
609
00:31:57,990 --> 00:32:00,829
Shit!
610
00:32:00,830 --> 00:32:03,189
No, hang on. He wouldn't
have got it through customs.
611
00:32:03,190 --> 00:32:05,509
Good point.
612
00:32:05,510 --> 00:32:07,909
He must have downed it
before he got on the plane.
613
00:32:07,910 --> 00:32:10,869
Shit! I killed Frobisher!
614
00:32:10,870 --> 00:32:12,509
Shit!
615
00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:13,749
Shit.
616
00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:17,749
Shit.
617
00:32:21,590 --> 00:32:24,749
Do you want to come
and see my band play tonight?
618
00:32:24,750 --> 00:32:26,549
Yeah, all right.
619
00:32:26,550 --> 00:32:30,549
Yeah.
620
00:32:31,510 --> 00:32:32,749
All IDs ready, please.
621
00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:34,389
Can everyone stop
asking me if I'm OK?
622
00:32:34,390 --> 00:32:37,589
I spent the afternoon
in a seven-foot inflatable sphere.
623
00:32:37,590 --> 00:32:40,349
What do you reckon? I'm having
the time of my young fucking life.
624
00:32:40,350 --> 00:32:43,309
All I want to do is see Kingsley's
band and have a dance.
625
00:32:43,310 --> 00:32:47,309
Good luck dancing to Implodium.
Physically impossible.
626
00:32:48,990 --> 00:32:52,189
I can't let you in.
Your student card's invalid.
627
00:32:52,190 --> 00:32:53,549
What are you on about?
628
00:32:56,390 --> 00:32:58,789
Right, I demand to see
the ents manager.
629
00:32:58,790 --> 00:33:00,869
Who is the ents manager?
630
00:33:00,870 --> 00:33:02,309
Gareth Bywater.
631
00:33:02,310 --> 00:33:04,349
Right, where's Bywater?
632
00:33:04,350 --> 00:33:08,349
You guys just... just go on ahead
and I'll be there in a minute.
633
00:33:11,070 --> 00:33:13,429
Come on.
634
00:33:13,430 --> 00:33:17,269
I...er... made you something.
635
00:33:17,270 --> 00:33:20,829
Er, it is a list of obscure
French swearwords.
636
00:33:20,830 --> 00:33:23,109
I had it laminated.
637
00:33:23,110 --> 00:33:24,469
Wow, that's amazing.
638
00:33:24,470 --> 00:33:26,869
There's some good ones on there.
Erm...
639
00:33:26,870 --> 00:33:29,509
er... "Swallow my balls."
640
00:33:29,510 --> 00:33:33,509
And, er, "Your mother sucks bears
in the forest."
641
00:33:36,790 --> 00:33:38,829
Your gift is very kind, but...
642
00:33:38,830 --> 00:33:42,829
I think it's best if we don't talk
again for the rest of the evening.
643
00:33:44,830 --> 00:33:47,909
OK, thank you very much. Coming up
tonight we have Hartnell Avenue
644
00:33:47,910 --> 00:33:51,909
and Electric Riot. Thank you!
645
00:33:52,310 --> 00:33:56,309
I hope you're excited.
You're fucking a rock star.
646
00:33:56,470 --> 00:33:58,069
Hello, again.
647
00:33:58,070 --> 00:34:01,909
Oh, he twisted my arm.
He wanted to see you play.
648
00:34:01,910 --> 00:34:05,549
It would seem you're a girl
of many talents, Melissa.
649
00:34:05,550 --> 00:34:08,069
I've got to go and do
my vocal warm-ups now.
650
00:34:08,070 --> 00:34:09,909
OK.
651
00:34:09,910 --> 00:34:13,909
Don't think you can just brush me
under the carpet.
652
00:34:19,830 --> 00:34:21,949
She likes me, Howard.
653
00:34:21,950 --> 00:34:23,909
But there's nothing I can do.
654
00:34:23,910 --> 00:34:27,789
If I touch her,
Ralph's going to break my legs.
655
00:34:27,790 --> 00:34:29,029
To surmise,
656
00:34:29,030 --> 00:34:33,029
is the pleasure in your penis
worth the pain in your legs?
657
00:34:33,150 --> 00:34:36,469
Oh, God, I don't know.
658
00:34:36,470 --> 00:34:37,549
It's difficult.
659
00:34:39,230 --> 00:34:43,229
It's like some sort
of ancient Chinese logic puzzle.
660
00:34:45,510 --> 00:34:48,389
I can't believe he's dead.
661
00:34:48,390 --> 00:34:49,829
Can you?
662
00:34:49,830 --> 00:34:52,989
He was so alive.
663
00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:56,429
And now just so fucking not.
664
00:34:56,430 --> 00:34:58,789
Yeah. Massive boo-hoo.
665
00:34:58,790 --> 00:35:01,269
Although, bit of a bonus.
666
00:35:01,270 --> 00:35:04,629
"Hello, is that the UK's
leading Frobisher scholar?
667
00:35:04,630 --> 00:35:07,469
"This is the obituary department
of The Guardian newspaper.
668
00:35:07,470 --> 00:35:09,149
"Could you furnish us with a quote
669
00:35:09,150 --> 00:35:13,149
"that will in no way harm
the sales of your forthcoming book?"
670
00:35:17,470 --> 00:35:21,469
Kerching, kerching.
671
00:35:31,550 --> 00:35:35,549
The thing about Stowe is that...
672
00:35:46,070 --> 00:35:50,069
Truly, they are not ready for
what is about to happen upon them.
673
00:35:50,470 --> 00:35:52,829
We've just had another band turn up.
674
00:35:52,830 --> 00:35:56,189
We can only give you five minutes.
675
00:35:56,190 --> 00:36:00,189
I...I don't know. I guess we'll just
have to do an abridged Implodium.
676
00:36:00,830 --> 00:36:02,389
We could just do my song?
677
00:36:02,390 --> 00:36:05,709
Yeah, why don't we just vote on it?
678
00:36:05,710 --> 00:36:09,709
All right, well...
who votes for Implodium?
679
00:36:11,830 --> 00:36:15,469
Can I...? For the record, I never
even wanted a fucking bongo player.
680
00:36:15,470 --> 00:36:17,509
Kingsley!
681
00:36:17,510 --> 00:36:20,669
You know what? I quit.
682
00:36:20,670 --> 00:36:23,709
This is bullshit.
683
00:36:23,710 --> 00:36:26,509
We've sold out, and we haven't
even played a fucking gig.
684
00:36:26,510 --> 00:36:30,509
Yeah, well, good luck without me.
685
00:36:32,310 --> 00:36:33,469
"Get to fuck."
686
00:36:33,470 --> 00:36:35,109
They do it to each other.
687
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:38,469
"Get to fuck."
688
00:36:38,470 --> 00:36:40,589
Evening, chaps.
689
00:36:40,590 --> 00:36:42,709
I see you've been infringing
on my copyright.
690
00:36:42,710 --> 00:36:44,629
Yeah...
691
00:36:44,630 --> 00:36:47,589
I guess I have... Ralph.
692
00:36:47,590 --> 00:36:50,749
Because you know what?
693
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,149
Fuck the Stowe-Aways.
694
00:36:52,150 --> 00:36:54,469
I've found something better.
695
00:36:54,470 --> 00:36:58,469
You're dead to us, JP. Why
don't you go down the Hippodrome?
696
00:36:58,790 --> 00:37:02,389
We're going to be finger-banging
on yachts.
697
00:37:02,390 --> 00:37:06,389
Mmm.
698
00:37:06,550 --> 00:37:08,949
Yeah, you walk away, mate.
699
00:37:08,950 --> 00:37:12,029
Er... how does he mean,
700
00:37:12,030 --> 00:37:14,629
infringing on his copyright?
701
00:37:14,630 --> 00:37:17,269
Oh, it's no big deal.
702
00:37:17,270 --> 00:37:20,789
Basically, he shotgunned you,
so I thought you were out of bounds,
703
00:37:20,790 --> 00:37:23,869
but then I decided that
I would contravene his shotgun
704
00:37:23,870 --> 00:37:25,349
with a shotgun of my own.
705
00:37:25,350 --> 00:37:28,469
So you know... Shotgun!
706
00:37:28,470 --> 00:37:30,909
La raison pour laquelle
je ne peux pas parler
707
00:37:30,910 --> 00:37:32,669
c'est parce qu'un mec
a dit le mot shotgun
708
00:37:32,670 --> 00:37:34,229
et tout d'un coup je lui appartiens
709
00:37:34,230 --> 00:37:36,269
comme si j'etais
un putain morceau de viande.
710
00:37:36,270 --> 00:37:39,389
Yeah, I think we're going
to have to Google Translate that.
711
00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:41,309
Mainly good or bad?
712
00:37:41,310 --> 00:37:45,309
Va te faire foutre, encule!
713
00:37:51,150 --> 00:37:55,149
Whoa, that was a little uncalled for.
714
00:37:58,030 --> 00:37:59,709
We're going.
715
00:37:59,710 --> 00:38:01,469
What? What about the band?
716
00:38:01,470 --> 00:38:03,429
I quit.
717
00:38:03,430 --> 00:38:04,909
Hi, we're Hartnell Avenue.
718
00:38:04,910 --> 00:38:07,069
Is that a good idea?
Heather, can we just go?
719
00:38:07,070 --> 00:38:10,229
No, sure, I'll come and...
whatever, stand outside with you.
720
00:38:10,230 --> 00:38:13,509
I just really like this song, Kings.
Sorry, I just do.
721
00:38:13,510 --> 00:38:15,589
Give me two minutes.
722
00:38:15,590 --> 00:38:18,709
♪ I took some turns
723
00:38:18,710 --> 00:38:22,709
♪ And I don't want to look back... ♪
724
00:38:30,510 --> 00:38:32,989
Aren't you supposed to be on stage?
725
00:38:32,990 --> 00:38:35,549
I quit, I quit my own band.
726
00:38:35,550 --> 00:38:38,029
They seem to be doing pretty well
without me.
727
00:38:38,030 --> 00:38:42,029
I preferred their earlier material,
anyway.
728
00:38:58,670 --> 00:39:02,669
I'm a bit scared.
729
00:39:07,430 --> 00:39:11,429
♪ Through the heavy rain tonight
730
00:39:12,150 --> 00:39:14,869
♪ When you shine on me
731
00:39:14,870 --> 00:39:18,829
♪ Shine your light down on me
732
00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:22,829
♪ You turn this ember
into a flame. ♪
733
00:39:34,670 --> 00:39:36,349
Thanks.
734
00:39:36,350 --> 00:39:40,349
Yeah!
735
00:39:49,310 --> 00:39:53,309
This is so fucked.
54785
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