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1
00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:56,699
D'you think he's got
servants in Cornwall?
2
00:00:56,700 --> 00:01:00,699
Dunno. Probably a few retainers,
couple of scullery maids.
3
00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:04,339
The odd butler, footman.
Basic set-up.
4
00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:07,179
Gardener. That might be nice.
Bit of Mellors action.
5
00:01:07,180 --> 00:01:08,499
What?
6
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:12,459
Up against a tree.
7
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:14,699
Never mind. This is going to be
so good for us.
8
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,579
And a change of scene
can really enhance concentration.
9
00:01:17,580 --> 00:01:19,659
We'll get so much work done.
10
00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:22,019
Howard's on the phone to BT.
Says he'll get the train.
11
00:01:22,020 --> 00:01:23,899
What about Kingsley?
He's not coming.
12
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:26,659
Heather and Kingsley spending
some "quality time" together.
13
00:01:26,660 --> 00:01:27,739
Ugh!
14
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:30,979
From Pussyman to Pussywitch.
I know - probably for the best.
15
00:01:30,980 --> 00:01:33,739
Last thing we want
is a couple on Freakout.
16
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,659
Thought you said
it was a study weekend.
17
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:38,219
Yeah, well, it's both.
18
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:41,219
We'll study from 9-1,
then party like fuck,
19
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:44,459
then study from 3-6
then party like fuck again.
20
00:01:44,460 --> 00:01:46,179
It is good to vary the schedule.
21
00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:48,139
Look - who knows what'll happen?
22
00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:52,139
We might all end up getting so drunk
that we have an orgy. For example.
23
00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:53,739
I don't think so.
24
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:54,539
No.
25
00:01:54,540 --> 00:01:56,939
No. We won't.
26
00:01:56,940 --> 00:01:58,499
Look.
27
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,499
You can have a think about it.
28
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:02,659
We don't need to decide now.
29
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:04,619
Drive on!
Oh, and fuck the satnav.
30
00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:08,619
It's just straight down
the motorway and turn right at Bath.
31
00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:22,459
You could still go.
32
00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:24,539
I don't want to. I'm fine.
33
00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:26,459
Kings...
34
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,379
Yeah, well, look, they've gone now.
It's broken.
35
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:31,139
But I said you should go.
36
00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:32,179
Clearly a test.
37
00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:34,539
Kingsley, honestly -
you should've just gone.
38
00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:36,339
I've got shitloads of work anyway.
39
00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:37,939
You're only trying to make me feel
sorry for you.
40
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,459
What!?
41
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:42,059
I should be able to go away for a
weekend and it's not a massive deal.
42
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:43,499
And you can!
43
00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:46,219
How come I'm sitting here then?
I don't know! Why are you?
44
00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:49,099
Because I feel guilty!
Which is unfair on me because
45
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:51,019
it's just a couple of days
away with my mates
46
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,019
and you give me
a hard time about it!
47
00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:54,779
I'm saying go, I don't mind!
48
00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:58,779
Have a shoebox full of fun.
Freakout.
49
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:02,099
You mean, you actuallydon'tmind?
50
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:05,419
Kingsley? Go to Cornwall.
51
00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:08,659
Because it should be obvious
from talking to me that
52
00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:11,019
if I can't fix this problem,
it probably requires
53
00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:13,859
the highest level of
diagnostic troubleshooter you have.
54
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,859
I wangled a party visa.
I'll see you down there, dude.
55
00:03:18,940 --> 00:03:20,099
Look.
56
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,939
At this very minute I should be
in Cornwall enjoying a freakout.
57
00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:25,179
Now, are you going to pass me
on to an expert or not?
58
00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:26,459
You moron.
59
00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:28,499
'Will you hold please
while I transfer you?'
60
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,699
Yes, I'll hold.
61
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:36,459
Listen to this.
62
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:40,459
"Perstel, of the stiff staff,
per stern hip be gripped."
63
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,059
What the fuck?
64
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,579
It's Middle English.
65
00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:44,899
You're telling me.
66
00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:47,259
Wasn't that like
a language session or something?
67
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:50,419
I thought that was
for foreign students.
68
00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,019
No-one ever said
there was more than one English!
69
00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,579
Argh!
70
00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:57,419
I don't mind talking to you.
71
00:03:57,420 --> 00:04:00,539
I just know the shape of your
customer service decision tree.
72
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,939
And you're not going to be able
to fix this. But.
73
00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:06,819
Prem Oppo 65 from Seattle
might have a chance, but you,
74
00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:10,819
reading out pages from a woefully
outdated operating manual, WILL NOT!
75
00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:13,099
'Will you hold, please?'
76
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:17,099
Yes, I'll hold.
77
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:24,259
Bit late.
78
00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:28,219
Vod, can you check it for me?
79
00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:31,059
It's Twitter.
Someone's "mentioned" you.
80
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:35,059
Oh!
81
00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:38,259
You OK?
82
00:04:38,260 --> 00:04:41,179
Yeah. Stuff on my mind.
83
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,539
Like what?
84
00:04:43,540 --> 00:04:46,179
Oh, nothing.
85
00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:50,179
Dave's wedding.
Yeah, this weekend, actually.
86
00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:51,299
What?
87
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:55,299
I'm totally fine with it.
88
00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:02,259
This girl called Lucy. Really lovely
girl. Friend of ours from school.
89
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,099
Whole village'll be there.
Fucking nightmare.
90
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,379
Watching Dave.
91
00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:11,179
Marry Lucy.
92
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,059
In my church.
93
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:15,059
That I was meant
to be getting married in.
94
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:17,819
They're basically having my wedding.
95
00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:20,779
Settling down. With a family.
96
00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:24,699
Sense of security. Local community.
97
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,699
Urgh, well, nightmare.
98
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,739
I'm very relaxed
about the whole situation.
99
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:41,379
Where is everyone?
100
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:43,339
Hmm? Cornwall.
101
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:46,179
I see.
102
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,579
You not invited?
103
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,419
I'm going soon.
104
00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:53,499
I'm on hold.
105
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,059
It's been 12 hours.
106
00:05:56,060 --> 00:06:00,059
37 minutes. And counting.
107
00:06:01,460 --> 00:06:05,019
Just to inform you,
I'm expecting a visitor.
108
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:08,939
Just a fuck buddy from back home.
109
00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:12,939
It is the correct term,
"fuck buddy"?
110
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:17,339
I believe so.
111
00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:20,219
He's a man. We fuck.
112
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:23,699
Nothing more serious.
113
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:27,699
A buddy for fucking?
114
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,099
You're determined. That's nice.
115
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,099
Thanks!
116
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:56,019
Welcome to my house,
my very big house, in the country.
117
00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:58,779
We're gonna smoke our heads off
and drink our feet off.
118
00:06:58,780 --> 00:07:00,779
Fuck me!
119
00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:02,179
Exactly.
120
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,299
There's no food.
121
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,939
There's no water.
122
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:09,419
Blimey. OK, er, water, water.
123
00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:11,099
Water switch.
124
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,139
Where's your boiler?
Your water mains?
125
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:17,139
Where's my boiler? Best way with
this place is just to Google it.
126
00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:24,299
"How do I switch on the water
in my very big house?"
127
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:44,779
My god.
128
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:48,779
I think I just found my dad.
By the old Defender.
129
00:07:49,940 --> 00:07:52,459
My dad's on Google Earth!
130
00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:54,899
My dad is still alive
on Google Earth.
131
00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:58,099
I know they're using my wedding day
and my church and everything,
132
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:01,819
but it would've been nice
to be involved, you know?
133
00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:07,019
You're very popular all of a sudden.
134
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,139
No, I'm not. Lipsgate.
It's trending.
135
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:12,379
They think I shut down Derek's
gay and lesbian magazine.
136
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:15,859
That's cool. You see?
Here I am, in Devon...
137
00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:17,019
Cornwall.
138
00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:20,419
With someone whose poetry magazine
is trending on Twitter.
139
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:23,979
"Who the fuck does that gay-hating
slut think she is? Hope she dies."
140
00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:25,659
Yeah, sure, it's a bit harsh,
141
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:28,459
but it's still to do with
your poetry magazine. Yes?
142
00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:31,059
That's what my friends are doing.
143
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,339
No-one in South Wales does poetry.
144
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:35,219
Apart from Dylan Thomas.
145
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:37,059
What up, K-dawg? You came!
146
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:40,019
Knotsford! Knotsford! Knotsford!
147
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,819
If it wasn't for Kingsley, I'd
probably still be getting married.
148
00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,539
Aye-aye-aye?
149
00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:48,219
S'up, lad? What happened to Wifie?
150
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,739
Nothing. I came.
151
00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:53,379
17 short hours on a coach next to
juddering crackhound and here I am.
152
00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:57,379
He left his bitch, to suck,
as he came, to fuck!
153
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:01,739
The Pussyman is in da house!
154
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:15,619
Maybe you should just hang up.
You're missing a weekend away.
155
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:18,459
I willneverhang up.
156
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:22,379
I know you can hear me.
I said, "never"!
157
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:26,379
We're having a serious study sesh.
Come on, we need caffeine.
158
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:40,139
Hey, you know what'd be brilliant?
159
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:43,419
Driving to Wales
and gatecrashing Dave's wedding.
160
00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:45,539
Not sure Dave'll love it.
161
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:48,019
He will! It'd be a laugh.
162
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:51,179
I just think we're all pretty drunk,
and too drunk to drive.
163
00:09:51,180 --> 00:09:52,339
Not in Devon.
164
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,139
Cornwall.
165
00:09:53,140 --> 00:09:53,899
Cornwall!
166
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:56,659
I meant Cornwall.
Cornwall, Cornwall, Cornwall.
167
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:58,579
Who you texting?
168
00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:02,579
Just bloody Heather,
checking up on me.
169
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:09,779
Gardener.
170
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:11,819
Hates me.
171
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,499
Why?
172
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:17,339
Because I shot her dad.
173
00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:18,619
You what?!
174
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:22,179
Ugh, it's no biggie. He was like,
a beater on one of our shoots
175
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:24,979
and I accidentally shot him. End of.
176
00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:27,059
Was he OK?
177
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:30,299
Yeah. Well, I mean, he did die,
but like a couple of years later.
178
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:33,099
Had an operation and the organ
didn't take, or something.
179
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,419
You can hardly lay the blame
for that at my door.
180
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:40,859
Josie, who's Mike?
181
00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:42,979
Dunno. Which Mike is it?
182
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:44,379
Is it Sexy Mike?
183
00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:48,379
It just says, "Mike's here keeping
me company"? Who's the other Mike?
184
00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:51,619
There's Sexy Mike,
and there's Mike With A Big Dick.
185
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:53,459
She's probably just studying.
186
00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:55,819
Why do you think she was so happy
for you to go away?
187
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:58,379
Maybe she wanted to get
some work done.
188
00:10:58,380 --> 00:11:01,099
Yeah, get some work done
on Sexy Mike's big dick!
189
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,459
No, you're mixing them up.
190
00:11:02,460 --> 00:11:04,659
Sexy Mike might not even
have a big dick.
191
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:08,619
He might be, say,
very handsome or have great arms.
192
00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:10,299
Is that meant to be helping?!
193
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:13,179
Ask her. If she says, "We're
just mates", that's woman-speak
194
00:11:13,180 --> 00:11:14,819
for, "Whilst my boyfriend's away,
195
00:11:14,820 --> 00:11:17,139
"we're going to be fucking
each other's brains out."
196
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,019
Oh, Josie, what
the fuck are you doing?
197
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:28,019
I'm just going to Wales -
I'll see you later.
198
00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:32,859
Josie, you're too drunk to
drunk-drive. That's quite drunk.
199
00:11:33,540 --> 00:11:37,539
Bollocks! I'm sober enough
to drunk-drive. I just tripped.
200
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:42,659
Jonathan?
201
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,859
Mummy! Wh-what the hell
are you doing here?
202
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,819
Well, this is my house
and I live here.
203
00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:49,939
At least until Monday.
What are you doing?
204
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:53,939
Obviously, I've invited
my friends down for a freakout?
205
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,579
What do you mean, "until Monday"?
206
00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:58,659
I just popped down
to freshen the place up.
207
00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:01,859
I put it on the market
and it got snapped up.
208
00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:03,459
The house has been sold.
209
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,259
Holy fucking shit, Mummy!
210
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:08,667
Tsch! What?!
211
00:12:32,804 --> 00:12:35,843
Have look through the keyhole,
see if there's anyone with her.
212
00:12:35,844 --> 00:12:37,003
It'll have to be quick.
213
00:12:37,004 --> 00:12:39,323
I can't leave the living room
for long periods.
214
00:12:39,324 --> 00:12:41,563
I thought you were coming down.
215
00:12:41,564 --> 00:12:42,643
I am. I will.
216
00:12:42,644 --> 00:12:45,683
It's just that I've been
drawn into a battle of wills.
217
00:12:45,684 --> 00:12:47,763
Here's what they don't know.
218
00:12:47,764 --> 00:12:49,923
I will NEVER give up.
219
00:12:49,924 --> 00:12:51,363
What am I looking for?
220
00:12:51,364 --> 00:12:53,243
OK. So...
221
00:12:53,244 --> 00:12:57,243
Just have a look through
the keyhole.
222
00:13:00,524 --> 00:13:04,523
'Hello?'
223
00:13:16,204 --> 00:13:19,243
Hello!
Now you listen to me!
224
00:13:19,244 --> 00:13:21,723
'Your call is important to us.
225
00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:24,003
You're currently being
held in a queue.'
226
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:27,843
One of our operators will be
with you shortly.'
227
00:13:27,844 --> 00:13:30,083
Oh, you're good!
228
00:13:30,084 --> 00:13:32,283
You really are!
229
00:13:32,284 --> 00:13:34,763
"Saf-pat-poo shall sicame."
230
00:13:34,764 --> 00:13:38,483
Uh! Seriously, it's twisting
my fucking melon.
231
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,403
You need the modern translation.
232
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:41,043
Morning, Kingsley!
233
00:13:41,094 --> 00:13:42,173
Morning, Mrs Pembersley.
234
00:13:42,174 --> 00:13:43,973
There's a translation?
235
00:13:43,974 --> 00:13:45,093
Oh, yes.
236
00:13:45,094 --> 00:13:49,013
You know what?
We might have a copy in the attic.
237
00:13:49,014 --> 00:13:50,573
I read English at St Hilda's.
238
00:13:50,574 --> 00:13:52,453
I hope you slept well.
239
00:13:52,454 --> 00:13:54,453
Awfully well.
Thanks, Mrs Pembersley.
240
00:13:54,454 --> 00:13:55,973
Thank you so much for having us.
241
00:13:55,974 --> 00:13:58,333
Please call me Diana.
242
00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:01,533
I didn't, obviously.
243
00:14:01,534 --> 00:14:03,413
Due mainly to the crying
244
00:14:03,414 --> 00:14:07,133
and unhappiness caused by you
selling my house.
245
00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:10,293
It's a fucking outrage, Mummy!
That's what it is.
246
00:14:10,294 --> 00:14:12,973
Jonathan, come on!
You're not even dressed.
247
00:14:12,974 --> 00:14:15,493
Yes, I am. This is casual wear.
248
00:14:15,494 --> 00:14:18,173
I am allowed to wear casual wear
during the holidays.
249
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:20,173
When will you shave?
You've got visitors.
250
00:14:20,174 --> 00:14:21,893
I know I've got visitors.
251
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,133
They've come all the way
down from the North of England
252
00:14:24,134 --> 00:14:26,453
for a weekend freak out,
which you are ruining.
253
00:14:26,454 --> 00:14:30,453
Well, you can't make too much mess.
Vladimir is viewing on Monday.
254
00:14:30,574 --> 00:14:33,133
Can't you use the teenagers'
room for your freak out?
255
00:14:33,134 --> 00:14:35,213
I could help put up
the ping-pong table.
256
00:14:35,214 --> 00:14:37,733
I can't believe you didn't tell me
about this.
257
00:14:37,734 --> 00:14:41,213
I was going to tell you in London
over lunch.
258
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:45,213
People don't just sell houses,
OK, mother!
259
00:14:45,414 --> 00:14:47,533
Houses are meant to be handed down.
260
00:14:47,534 --> 00:14:49,573
Where the fuck
are we going to live?!
261
00:14:49,574 --> 00:14:51,813
Well, you're in Manchester,
your brother's in Scotland,
262
00:14:51,814 --> 00:14:53,493
I'll move in with Leon in Chelsea.
263
00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:55,813
Why are you being so dramatic?
264
00:14:55,814 --> 00:14:58,333
You can have his study
when you come and stay.
265
00:14:58,334 --> 00:15:02,333
My own mother is making me homeless
and she accuses me of the dramatic!
266
00:15:02,974 --> 00:15:05,493
While you're here, you can sort out
stuff you want to keep.
267
00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:06,853
The rest can go on the skip.
268
00:15:06,854 --> 00:15:09,093
Wha...?
We're getting a skip now?!
269
00:15:09,094 --> 00:15:13,093
Mummy, have you any idea how
fucking embarrassing this is for me?
270
00:15:14,774 --> 00:15:18,773
Guh!
271
00:15:19,774 --> 00:15:22,653
It's always like this
at the end of term.
272
00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:23,813
We call it "the bends".
273
00:15:23,814 --> 00:15:25,493
Hm!
274
00:15:25,494 --> 00:15:28,573
Say "bye" to him from me, will you?
Oh, wait a sec!
275
00:15:28,574 --> 00:15:31,173
Key to the attic.
You can grab that translation.
276
00:15:37,094 --> 00:15:41,013
I just think, how come she's never
mentioned Mike before?
277
00:15:41,014 --> 00:15:44,053
I mean, doesn't that seem weird
to you?
278
00:15:44,054 --> 00:15:46,653
No.
279
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:50,373
It's my old beating pole.
280
00:15:50,374 --> 00:15:52,453
Marcus the bear!
281
00:15:52,454 --> 00:15:54,613
Look, Kingsley!
It's Marcus the bear!
282
00:15:56,214 --> 00:15:59,493
Ah! Cogsley. And Sprinks.
283
00:15:59,494 --> 00:16:02,293
My Millennium Dome mascots.
284
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,973
My dad took me to get these.
285
00:16:03,974 --> 00:16:07,053
I don't know why everyone was
so down on the Dome.
286
00:16:07,054 --> 00:16:09,373
It was a fucking awesome day out.
287
00:16:09,374 --> 00:16:10,933
Mike!
288
00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:13,253
He just sounds suspicious.
289
00:16:13,254 --> 00:16:15,973
I mean, Mike, Dave.
290
00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:18,413
Why are there always guys
in the way, these Daves and Mikes?
291
00:16:42,094 --> 00:16:45,453
It's true, you know,
what they say.
292
00:16:45,454 --> 00:16:49,453
You don't know what you've got
until it's gone, do you?
293
00:16:50,774 --> 00:16:54,773
She didn't even say goodbye.
294
00:16:56,574 --> 00:17:00,573
Come on, where are you green
bastard?!
295
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:05,253
Happy wedding day, Josie.
296
00:17:06,774 --> 00:17:08,693
Any more death threats?
297
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,373
Just a couple.
298
00:17:10,374 --> 00:17:14,013
Someone's got a picture of my face
and put a Hitler moustache on it.
299
00:17:14,014 --> 00:17:16,413
And devil horns,
300
00:17:16,414 --> 00:17:20,413
which I think shows how
confused they are.
301
00:17:20,454 --> 00:17:23,453
I don't hate gay people, Josie.
Do you believe me?
302
00:17:23,454 --> 00:17:25,573
I believe you don't hate gay people.
303
00:17:25,574 --> 00:17:29,373
I think you just hated that one
guy because he had a gay magazine.
304
00:17:29,374 --> 00:17:31,573
I love gay people.
305
00:17:31,574 --> 00:17:34,693
Yeah, but in a Christian way.
306
00:17:34,694 --> 00:17:38,093
Like, I love them, but they're
unnatural and they'll burn in hell.
307
00:17:38,094 --> 00:17:39,373
No!
308
00:17:39,374 --> 00:17:40,453
OK, how about this?
309
00:17:40,454 --> 00:17:43,053
Have you had an experience?
310
00:17:43,054 --> 00:17:45,773
Like, you know, with...
311
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:47,533
I don't know.
312
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:51,533
Say, you've been at a party,
off the top of my head,
313
00:17:52,494 --> 00:17:55,613
you've had too many Archers
and lemonades, say,
314
00:17:55,614 --> 00:17:59,093
and ended up snogging a girl
and sticking your fingers up her...
315
00:17:59,094 --> 00:18:00,333
whatsit.
316
00:18:00,334 --> 00:18:01,453
NO!
317
00:18:01,454 --> 00:18:04,973
Ugh!
318
00:18:04,974 --> 00:18:07,053
Oh, my God!
319
00:18:07,054 --> 00:18:08,613
I'm a homophobe.
320
00:18:08,614 --> 00:18:12,613
I wonder if she lost weight
for the wedding.
321
00:18:12,654 --> 00:18:13,693
Bloody hell!
322
00:18:13,694 --> 00:18:15,333
Have you found it?
323
00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:17,253
Not exactly.
324
00:18:17,254 --> 00:18:21,253
Look at this!
325
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:26,293
UH! That's JP's dad!
326
00:18:26,294 --> 00:18:28,573
But that's not... Is it?
327
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:32,093
Not JP's mum. Exactly!
328
00:18:32,094 --> 00:18:34,133
'Angela.
329
00:18:34,134 --> 00:18:35,893
'PS. Roddy, you mustn't hate them
330
00:18:35,894 --> 00:18:38,413
however much you blame them for
keeping us apart,
331
00:18:38,414 --> 00:18:40,773
there still your children.'
332
00:18:40,774 --> 00:18:42,653
Shit!
333
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:45,653
Some of these are ancient.
334
00:18:45,654 --> 00:18:49,093
God! Look at how many letters
there are!
335
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:50,733
Love rat! He was a love rat.
336
00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:54,253
All right.
Take a break, letters page!
337
00:18:54,254 --> 00:18:55,613
Should we tell him?
338
00:18:55,614 --> 00:18:57,293
NO!
339
00:18:57,294 --> 00:18:59,573
We don't even know for sure
they were doing it.
340
00:18:59,574 --> 00:19:02,733
OK. No, they were definitely
doing it.
341
00:19:02,734 --> 00:19:04,933
Ugh!
342
00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:08,133
So the good news is that toothbrush
and shower gel indicators
343
00:19:08,134 --> 00:19:10,773
suggest that he didn't stay
the night.
344
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:13,133
The bad news is
he's back today.
345
00:19:13,134 --> 00:19:16,093
Anything on conversation topics?
346
00:19:16,094 --> 00:19:19,613
I don't have much but I think there
was mention of Jonathan Franzen.
347
00:19:19,614 --> 00:19:21,893
Franzen? The writer?
348
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,413
She's never talked about him before.
349
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,933
Fuck! I don't even know her.
350
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:31,933
This music is making me psychotic.
351
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:41,013
Can I ask you a question?
352
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:43,413
You're, like, liberated, right?
353
00:19:43,414 --> 00:19:45,573
Oh, well, you think you are,
don't you?
354
00:19:45,574 --> 00:19:49,133
Then you find yourself buying
a pair of sweatshop Nikes
355
00:19:49,134 --> 00:19:50,573
and a Nazi frappuccino
356
00:19:50,574 --> 00:19:53,293
and you think, actually, I'm just a
joke, aren't I?
357
00:19:53,294 --> 00:19:55,613
I mean, no...
358
00:19:55,614 --> 00:19:59,493
I just mean you've experimented
with stuff before.
359
00:19:59,494 --> 00:20:01,453
You want me to get some ketamine?
360
00:20:01,454 --> 00:20:03,453
No! No, I don't.
361
00:20:03,454 --> 00:20:04,493
I just...
362
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:07,813
the only way to sort of prove
that I don't hate gay people
363
00:20:07,814 --> 00:20:11,813
is to, sort of, become one...
for a bit.
364
00:20:12,014 --> 00:20:16,013
And, I was thinking,
because you've got short hair...
365
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:17,093
Yeah?
366
00:20:17,094 --> 00:20:18,613
Well, we thought you were.
367
00:20:18,614 --> 00:20:20,853
In the beginning.
368
00:20:20,854 --> 00:20:22,253
Josie was convinced.
369
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:24,333
Thought I was what?
370
00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:26,093
A...
371
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:27,653
lesbian.
372
00:20:27,654 --> 00:20:29,093
And? How do you know I'm not?
373
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:32,493
I don't! That's what I'm saying.
374
00:20:32,494 --> 00:20:36,493
I just mean, you do shag
quite a lot of men.
375
00:20:36,654 --> 00:20:38,053
Not in a bad way.
376
00:20:38,054 --> 00:20:42,053
I just think, technically,
lesbians maybe don't do that.
377
00:20:42,214 --> 00:20:45,773
But I was thinking,
if you wanted to...
378
00:20:45,774 --> 00:20:46,853
No!
379
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,013
No what?
380
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:51,333
I know what and the answer's no.
I won't be your fake beard.
381
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,413
Oh! Why not?
382
00:20:53,414 --> 00:20:55,173
You're too straight.
383
00:20:55,174 --> 00:20:58,533
What do you mean, too straight?
384
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:01,533
It's your shoulders or something.
Look at them.
385
00:21:01,534 --> 00:21:02,733
No way.
386
00:21:02,734 --> 00:21:06,733
Yes! Finally!
387
00:21:07,214 --> 00:21:09,653
So, all legal avenues have
been exhausted.
388
00:21:09,654 --> 00:21:12,213
I spoke to my brother but Mummy's
already got to him.
389
00:21:12,214 --> 00:21:13,413
It's two against one.
390
00:21:13,414 --> 00:21:16,453
Well, two and a half
if you include Leon.
391
00:21:16,454 --> 00:21:18,453
Bad enough Leon is winning over Mum,
392
00:21:18,454 --> 00:21:22,293
there's absolutely no fucking way
he's getting his grubby little hands
393
00:21:22,294 --> 00:21:23,413
on my father's wine.
394
00:21:23,414 --> 00:21:25,333
It's all got to get drunk, people.
395
00:21:25,334 --> 00:21:27,493
All 147 bottles.
396
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:30,293
I'm calling it "the clearance".
397
00:21:31,974 --> 00:21:34,613
Well?
398
00:21:34,614 --> 00:21:36,893
Maybe one day they'll pick up.
399
00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:39,173
So, no,
400
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:41,733
I don't think it is futile.
401
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:43,413
And, yes,
402
00:21:43,414 --> 00:21:47,413
maybe I have missed out
on a real, live social experience
403
00:21:47,734 --> 00:21:51,733
for 48 hours of mental torture,
but that is my choice.
404
00:21:53,134 --> 00:21:57,133
And I don't appreciate
your negative attitude.
405
00:22:01,974 --> 00:22:04,373
Right then. Where are we?
406
00:22:04,374 --> 00:22:08,373
Oral hygiene, which is yellow.
407
00:22:08,374 --> 00:22:12,373
So is Chateauneuf du Pape.
408
00:22:13,574 --> 00:22:15,493
Excellent!
409
00:22:15,494 --> 00:22:17,453
What about if I shaved my head.
410
00:22:17,454 --> 00:22:20,813
I bet people will believe I'm
a lesbian if I shaved my head.
411
00:22:20,814 --> 00:22:22,293
Or a neo-Nazi.
412
00:22:22,294 --> 00:22:23,293
Shit!
413
00:22:23,294 --> 00:22:25,213
No, or a cancer patient.
414
00:22:25,214 --> 00:22:28,613
They'll feel sorry for you
and stop the hate campaign.
415
00:22:28,614 --> 00:22:31,493
Yeah, because faking cancer will
really get people on her side.
416
00:22:31,494 --> 00:22:34,853
It's just a suggestion.
417
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,133
Why is there a cupboard
in front of the window?
418
00:22:37,134 --> 00:22:39,653
JP's laying claim to his birth right.
419
00:22:39,654 --> 00:22:41,973
He's pulling a lockdown.
420
00:22:45,974 --> 00:22:47,173
JP, is that right?
421
00:22:47,174 --> 00:22:50,493
She said something about you
barricading us all in the house.
422
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:53,093
Yes, the bitch is going ahead
with the sale.
423
00:22:53,094 --> 00:22:56,653
Give me a hand with this, mate.
Come on!
424
00:22:56,654 --> 00:23:00,253
Possession is 9/10 of the law,
that is a legal fact.
425
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:04,253
It's not. That's just what people
who don't know anything about the
law say.
426
00:23:04,454 --> 00:23:07,293
Whatever! This house is my
birthright and, whilst I'm in it,
427
00:23:07,294 --> 00:23:09,533
there will be no Russian takeover.
Capiche?
428
00:23:09,534 --> 00:23:11,693
So what happens when he turns up
for the viewing?
429
00:23:11,694 --> 00:23:15,693
Well, we'll just have to make sure
this place has got the wow factor.
430
00:23:16,774 --> 00:23:19,262
This shit just got
shooty shooty gun gun.
431
00:23:26,696 --> 00:23:27,755
You're going to shoot him?
432
00:23:27,835 --> 00:23:30,714
You are allowed to defend your
property in the country, Knutsford.
433
00:23:30,715 --> 00:23:33,354
Sure, yeah, but you are
actually going to shoot him.
434
00:23:33,451 --> 00:23:36,410
They're just here as backup in case
your legal argument collapses.
435
00:23:36,411 --> 00:23:38,770
You are either with me
or against me, dude.
436
00:23:38,771 --> 00:23:41,610
So, some rich guy wants to
give your mum millions of pounds
437
00:23:41,611 --> 00:23:44,250
to buy your house
and you are going to shoot him?
438
00:23:44,251 --> 00:23:46,090
Look, I don't know
who I'm going to shoot.
439
00:23:46,091 --> 00:23:48,890
You don't know who you're going to
shoot until you shoot them.
440
00:23:48,891 --> 00:23:50,570
You're planning to stay here
and shoot
441
00:23:50,571 --> 00:23:53,130
everyone who comes near the
house in case they want to buy it?
442
00:23:53,131 --> 00:23:55,770
What happens when term starts?
Are you going to be based here
443
00:23:55,771 --> 00:23:59,250
in the killing fields and commute to
Manchester? Say something to him.
444
00:23:59,251 --> 00:24:01,410
What is there to say?
He's thought it through.
445
00:24:01,411 --> 00:24:05,330
What the hell is this? Have you
forgotten about the clearance?
446
00:24:05,331 --> 00:24:06,610
This wine won't drink itself.
447
00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:09,570
You can't drink
147 bottles of wine by tomorrow.
448
00:24:09,571 --> 00:24:10,850
Oh, we can have a go.
449
00:24:12,211 --> 00:24:16,210
And if we can't drink, we'll taste.
450
00:24:16,571 --> 00:24:19,730
Mm.
451
00:24:19,731 --> 00:24:23,730
Let the freak-out escalate.
452
00:24:28,331 --> 00:24:29,170
What are you doing?
453
00:24:29,171 --> 00:24:31,490
I'm going to get some dinner.
454
00:24:31,491 --> 00:24:35,490
You're on point, bitch.
455
00:24:37,531 --> 00:24:39,250
He's not coming.
456
00:24:39,251 --> 00:24:41,610
Joost.
457
00:24:41,611 --> 00:24:43,170
Business problem of some kind.
458
00:24:43,263 --> 00:24:44,582
I'm feeling very frustrated.
459
00:24:44,583 --> 00:24:46,742
It's been three months.
460
00:24:46,743 --> 00:24:49,822
And, generally speaking, I'd like
to do sex at least two times a month
461
00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:52,662
as I believe it's beneficial
for the heart and nervous system.
462
00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:06,222
If you like,
you could come upstairs to my room
463
00:25:06,223 --> 00:25:10,222
and we could have intercourse.
464
00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:11,982
There is an opportunity
465
00:25:11,983 --> 00:25:15,982
since Heather's not in
and I'm feeling very sexual.
466
00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:19,622
Probably to do
with my menstrual cycle.
467
00:25:19,623 --> 00:25:20,862
Usually I would masturbate
468
00:25:20,863 --> 00:25:24,542
but I've been feeling a certain
469
00:25:24,543 --> 00:25:28,542
energy between us.
470
00:25:30,503 --> 00:25:34,502
I may be wrong but, anyway,
I will be in my room.
471
00:25:35,103 --> 00:25:39,102
It's up to you.
472
00:26:02,583 --> 00:26:03,822
Howard, where are you?
473
00:26:03,823 --> 00:26:06,382
I've got two dead chickens
and they've got feathers.
474
00:26:06,383 --> 00:26:07,422
Is that right?
475
00:26:07,423 --> 00:26:09,702
And what do you do with the feet?
476
00:26:09,703 --> 00:26:12,062
Do they fold back in?
477
00:26:12,063 --> 00:26:16,062
Call me back when you get this.
478
00:26:28,783 --> 00:26:30,822
Oh! Oh!
479
00:26:30,823 --> 00:26:34,822
Turn around, turn around.
480
00:26:34,903 --> 00:26:38,902
Harder. Yes, yes, yes, no.
Ja, ja, ja!
481
00:26:40,223 --> 00:26:44,222
Jumanji!
482
00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:46,502
'Hello?
483
00:26:46,503 --> 00:26:49,182
Is there someone on the line?'
484
00:26:51,743 --> 00:26:55,742
OK, I'd like to propose a toast.
485
00:26:55,943 --> 00:26:58,742
I don't think that's
how you make coq au vin.
486
00:26:58,743 --> 00:27:00,342
Do you want to do it?
487
00:27:00,343 --> 00:27:01,902
Ladies and gentlemen.
488
00:27:01,903 --> 00:27:04,062
Still not interested.
489
00:27:04,063 --> 00:27:07,462
What?
490
00:27:07,463 --> 00:27:08,982
I'm not getting off with you.
491
00:27:08,983 --> 00:27:09,782
Final answer.
492
00:27:09,783 --> 00:27:12,262
Why are you two talking about
getting off with each other?
493
00:27:12,263 --> 00:27:13,422
No reason.
494
00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:15,862
Come on, toast.
495
00:27:15,863 --> 00:27:18,422
Dad,
496
00:27:18,423 --> 00:27:22,422
you may have been a bit of a shit,
but you were the most
497
00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:27,582
loyal, faithful and dedicated dad
498
00:27:28,503 --> 00:27:32,502
that any son could hope to have.
499
00:27:32,743 --> 00:27:35,142
I love you, Daddy.
500
00:27:35,143 --> 00:27:36,462
To my dad.
501
00:27:36,463 --> 00:27:38,142
To your dad.
502
00:27:38,143 --> 00:27:39,462
To your dad. To my dad.
503
00:27:39,463 --> 00:27:43,462
To your dad.
504
00:27:50,583 --> 00:27:52,902
What are you going to do
with these photos, anyway?
505
00:27:52,903 --> 00:27:55,742
Tweet them? Pretend I'm your
lezzer mate or your girlfriend?
506
00:27:55,743 --> 00:27:59,742
No. I've been thinking about it
and, anyway, I've decided...
507
00:28:00,023 --> 00:28:01,702
you're not my type.
508
00:28:01,703 --> 00:28:02,302
Kingsley.
509
00:28:02,303 --> 00:28:05,262
I think I'd rather do it
with someone a bit more girly.
510
00:28:05,263 --> 00:28:06,862
It's happening.
511
00:28:06,863 --> 00:28:09,262
I'd probably rather be
with someone like Josie.
512
00:28:09,263 --> 00:28:10,902
Oh, yes.
513
00:28:10,903 --> 00:28:13,782
Can I get a picture, Jose?
514
00:28:13,783 --> 00:28:15,302
Yeah, babe.
515
00:28:15,303 --> 00:28:17,622
OK, if it kicks off,
it's every man for himself.
516
00:28:17,623 --> 00:28:20,382
First come, first served.
517
00:28:20,383 --> 00:28:21,942
You can kiss me if you like.
518
00:28:21,943 --> 00:28:25,222
I don't mind. If you think
it'll make people stop hating you,
519
00:28:25,223 --> 00:28:26,342
I'm definitely drunk enough.
520
00:28:26,343 --> 00:28:29,102
She won't do it, Josie,
look at her shoulders.
521
00:28:29,103 --> 00:28:30,502
Shut up about my shoulders.
522
00:28:30,503 --> 00:28:32,702
I'm not afraid to snog Josie.
523
00:28:32,703 --> 00:28:35,702
I just want to make sure
that it's the right thing to do.
524
00:28:35,703 --> 00:28:38,222
Yes, of course it's the right
thing to do, you know?
525
00:28:38,223 --> 00:28:39,582
Just relax, do it.
526
00:28:39,583 --> 00:28:41,142
JP, we're not doing this for you.
527
00:28:41,143 --> 00:28:44,342
We are doing this so Oregon can
pretend she doesn't hate gay people.
528
00:28:44,343 --> 00:28:45,542
Yeah, well, I literally
529
00:28:45,543 --> 00:28:49,502
couldn't give a nun's hymen
why you're doing it. Just do it.
530
00:28:49,503 --> 00:28:52,022
Just so you know, snogging a girl
531
00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:55,582
for an audience of men
doesn't count.
532
00:28:55,583 --> 00:28:57,982
She's right.
533
00:28:57,983 --> 00:29:00,262
Let's do it in the snug.
534
00:29:00,263 --> 00:29:02,022
What?
No, no, you can't go in there.
535
00:29:02,023 --> 00:29:04,062
Stop it. No, where are you going?
536
00:29:04,063 --> 00:29:06,222
Please, come out.
537
00:29:06,223 --> 00:29:07,302
This is my house.
538
00:29:07,303 --> 00:29:11,302
I forbid you to snog in the snug.
Get out here now.
539
00:29:13,623 --> 00:29:17,622
What's happening? Are you doing it?
540
00:29:20,583 --> 00:29:22,822
Well? What happened?
541
00:29:22,823 --> 00:29:24,422
Did you do it?
542
00:29:24,423 --> 00:29:26,502
I don't believe you.
Show me the photo.
543
00:29:26,503 --> 00:29:27,942
I don't think so.
544
00:29:27,943 --> 00:29:31,942
What kind of a lesbian kiss is that?
What do I get out of it?
545
00:29:32,063 --> 00:29:33,582
Did you like it?
546
00:29:33,583 --> 00:29:35,862
Yeah, it was quite good actually.
547
00:29:35,863 --> 00:29:37,942
Yeah, I'm a good kisser, I reckon.
548
00:29:37,943 --> 00:29:39,262
You're all right.
549
00:29:39,263 --> 00:29:40,662
Pretty good.
550
00:29:40,663 --> 00:29:42,462
I can't believe you didn't show us.
You are so selfish.
551
00:29:42,463 --> 00:29:45,502
Well, we'll do it again if
552
00:29:45,503 --> 00:29:49,502
you kiss Kingsley.
553
00:29:50,823 --> 00:29:53,022
I don't think so.
554
00:29:53,023 --> 00:29:54,302
Come here, big boy.
555
00:29:54,303 --> 00:29:56,862
Why?
Why do we want them to do it again?
556
00:29:56,863 --> 00:29:59,702
Are you gay?
Two girls getting it on.
557
00:29:59,703 --> 00:30:03,702
I mean, if you are gay, fine. But if
you're not gay, you have to kiss me.
558
00:30:04,263 --> 00:30:05,422
No.
559
00:30:05,423 --> 00:30:07,382
If she's diddling Big Dick Mike,
you might as well get some action.
560
00:30:07,383 --> 00:30:08,542
No.
561
00:30:08,543 --> 00:30:10,382
Well, I demand that you do it.
562
00:30:10,383 --> 00:30:13,102
It's my house and...
563
00:30:13,103 --> 00:30:14,382
I've got a gun.
564
00:30:14,383 --> 00:30:15,582
Come on.
565
00:30:15,583 --> 00:30:16,822
Against the wall.
566
00:30:16,823 --> 00:30:20,822
Move.
567
00:30:35,223 --> 00:30:37,142
Hot.
568
00:30:37,143 --> 00:30:41,142
OK, your turn.
569
00:30:41,143 --> 00:30:43,102
I don't really feel like it.
570
00:30:43,103 --> 00:30:47,102
That OK, I don't really fancy it
either.
571
00:30:48,823 --> 00:30:52,822
You bitches.
572
00:30:52,903 --> 00:30:56,902
You clever, clever bitches.
573
00:31:12,903 --> 00:31:16,902
That was excellent. Thank you.
574
00:31:22,463 --> 00:31:25,582
OK, it's my bedtime. Out you go.
575
00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:28,502
That's...
576
00:31:28,503 --> 00:31:30,142
all?
577
00:31:30,143 --> 00:31:31,622
Come on, Howard.
578
00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:33,422
The fuck buddy doesn't stick around.
579
00:31:33,423 --> 00:31:34,862
Yes?
580
00:31:34,863 --> 00:31:36,022
Chop, chop.
581
00:31:36,023 --> 00:31:40,022
Yes, right.
582
00:31:46,183 --> 00:31:50,182
Good night.
583
00:31:50,863 --> 00:31:52,422
Where are you going?
584
00:31:52,423 --> 00:31:54,022
Wales.
585
00:31:54,023 --> 00:31:57,382
Really? Again?
Don't head-butt the driveway.
586
00:31:57,383 --> 00:31:58,902
It's only 200 miles.
587
00:31:58,903 --> 00:32:02,662
And the last time you came
up 200 miles short, remember?
588
00:32:02,663 --> 00:32:04,262
You can't even open the door.
589
00:32:04,263 --> 00:32:06,542
You screwed it all up
between me and Dave.
590
00:32:06,543 --> 00:32:08,342
You drive me to Wales.
591
00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:10,302
What? Josie.
592
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,062
I want to apologise to Dave on
what would have been our wedding day
593
00:32:13,063 --> 00:32:15,862
but is now his wedding day to
someone else for sleeping with you.
594
00:32:15,863 --> 00:32:18,102
I think it would be
a nice wedding present.
595
00:32:18,103 --> 00:32:19,262
What could be better?
596
00:32:19,263 --> 00:32:20,342
Salad spoons.
597
00:32:20,343 --> 00:32:21,782
Shut up.
598
00:32:21,783 --> 00:32:25,622
You drive me or I drive myself
and then I might die and
599
00:32:25,623 --> 00:32:29,622
you'll have that on your conscience
as well as everything else.
600
00:32:39,143 --> 00:32:42,422
Clear.
601
00:32:42,423 --> 00:32:44,662
See this cupboard?
602
00:32:44,663 --> 00:32:46,902
Me and my brother
used to sit in here.
603
00:32:46,903 --> 00:32:50,902
When we were hiding from
Nanny Prue in one of her moods.
604
00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:53,782
Weird.
605
00:32:53,783 --> 00:32:57,782
And look. See this?
606
00:32:59,543 --> 00:33:01,862
This...
607
00:33:01,863 --> 00:33:04,422
This is my crying step.
608
00:33:04,423 --> 00:33:08,422
I used to sit here and cry
when the rents were arguing.
609
00:33:12,023 --> 00:33:14,102
Shit.
610
00:33:14,103 --> 00:33:17,822
And this is my other crying step.
611
00:33:17,823 --> 00:33:20,262
I used to sit on this one
612
00:33:20,263 --> 00:33:22,662
when I had to go back to Stowe
at the end of the holidays.
613
00:33:22,663 --> 00:33:24,062
See, look.
614
00:33:24,063 --> 00:33:26,822
The banister's all chewed.
615
00:33:26,823 --> 00:33:29,142
That's because dad
didn't like me crying
616
00:33:29,143 --> 00:33:33,142
so I used to bite on it
to hold back the blubs.
617
00:33:36,183 --> 00:33:40,182
Is it normal
to have two crying steps?
618
00:33:41,583 --> 00:33:45,582
I didn't even have one.
619
00:34:16,543 --> 00:34:18,782
Are you going in?
620
00:34:18,783 --> 00:34:21,622
I was going to.
621
00:34:21,623 --> 00:34:24,742
Only, thing is, on the way here
622
00:34:24,743 --> 00:34:28,742
I remembered
about Dave's bad shoulder.
623
00:34:29,303 --> 00:34:30,542
Right.
624
00:34:30,543 --> 00:34:34,542
And how I always used to do him
a massage before bed,
625
00:34:34,583 --> 00:34:36,262
you know, when it was bad.
626
00:34:36,263 --> 00:34:38,182
Even if I was tired,
I always did it.
627
00:34:38,183 --> 00:34:42,182
I didn't want him
to be in pain, you see?
628
00:34:43,023 --> 00:34:46,862
But this one time,
I really hurt my neck because
629
00:34:46,863 --> 00:34:50,862
I was shaving my armpit and you
sort of have to, like a sort of...
630
00:34:52,943 --> 00:34:56,942
Anyway, I asked him to give me
a neck massage...
631
00:34:57,063 --> 00:34:58,582
once, mind...
632
00:34:58,583 --> 00:35:02,582
and he did it for like five seconds
and then said his fingers hurt.
633
00:35:13,983 --> 00:35:15,262
Just waiting for a text.
634
00:35:15,263 --> 00:35:17,982
God, Kingsley, stop worrying.
635
00:35:17,983 --> 00:35:21,462
Heather's not interested in
Sexy Mike or Mike with the big dick.
636
00:35:21,463 --> 00:35:23,182
She...
637
00:35:23,183 --> 00:35:24,822
She really likes you.
638
00:35:24,823 --> 00:35:26,102
She actually said that?
639
00:35:26,103 --> 00:35:28,462
She basically moved in with you
after a week.
640
00:35:28,463 --> 00:35:31,702
What more do you want?
A tattoo of your face on her arse?
641
00:35:31,703 --> 00:35:34,662
My face on her arse?
642
00:35:34,663 --> 00:35:38,662
It's double-edged, really, isn't it?
643
00:35:42,303 --> 00:35:44,142
Home?
644
00:35:44,143 --> 00:35:46,182
Now?
645
00:35:46,183 --> 00:35:47,882
Yeah.
646
00:35:49,673 --> 00:35:53,672
Little sleep and then home.
647
00:35:58,913 --> 00:36:02,912
'I just wanted to say
sorry about before, the way I left
648
00:36:03,833 --> 00:36:07,832
'and, for the record, in case
you didn't know,'
649
00:36:08,073 --> 00:36:12,072
I really like you.
In fact, I really, really like you.
650
00:36:16,073 --> 00:36:20,072
In fact,
I think I probably love you.
651
00:36:43,833 --> 00:36:46,752
Bye, rugby.
652
00:36:46,753 --> 00:36:49,872
I never really got into you.
653
00:36:49,873 --> 00:36:53,872
I played you a lot but I never
really knew what was going on.
654
00:37:56,993 --> 00:37:58,392
Is that the last bottle?
655
00:38:14,193 --> 00:38:16,272
Well, that's it then.
656
00:38:16,273 --> 00:38:19,312
My house is gone.
657
00:38:19,313 --> 00:38:23,312
You still have a house in Manchester.
658
00:38:26,153 --> 00:38:29,592
Plus the villa in Tuscany.
659
00:38:29,593 --> 00:38:33,592
And the apartment in Dubai.
660
00:38:36,673 --> 00:38:40,152
What's going to happen to him?
661
00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:43,512
I thought, I don't know, I...
662
00:38:43,513 --> 00:38:46,952
I might be able to take him with me.
663
00:38:46,953 --> 00:38:50,632
My dad.
664
00:38:50,633 --> 00:38:52,792
He really loved me.
665
00:38:52,793 --> 00:38:56,792
I mean, I know he never showed it
666
00:38:56,993 --> 00:38:59,552
or said it
667
00:38:59,553 --> 00:39:02,312
or even implied it
668
00:39:02,313 --> 00:39:04,592
but he really did.
669
00:39:04,593 --> 00:39:08,592
Of course he did.
670
00:39:09,353 --> 00:39:13,352
Come on, let's get you a jumper
and we'll get in the car.
671
00:39:30,193 --> 00:39:32,512
Hold on.
672
00:39:32,513 --> 00:39:36,512
Where's my car?
48649
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