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1
00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:17,319
There's no wonder
there's a recession on
2
00:00:17,470 --> 00:00:19,989
if all these companies are
just giving away so many pens.
3
00:00:19,990 --> 00:00:21,630
I think you're only
meant to take one.
4
00:00:21,631 --> 00:00:24,869
Yeah, Kingsley, let's all take one of
things, like good little communists.
5
00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:27,069
Sorry, I forgot we're living in Cuba.
6
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,709
Where next, Howard?
7
00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:30,749
Howard, what are you doing?
8
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:33,188
I've got blood on my sleeve.
I don't want BP to see it.
9
00:00:33,189 --> 00:00:34,470
We're not talking to BP.
10
00:00:34,471 --> 00:00:37,869
Not after they did that massive oily
shit all over the Gulf of Mexico.
11
00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:40,909
Yeah, but Kings, in their defence,
that was miles away.
12
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:42,749
And they're giving away free...
13
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:43,709
Howard?
14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,789
Mouse mats.
15
00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:46,510
Oh, well then. If you'll excuse me,
16
00:00:46,511 --> 00:00:49,389
this cat is going to
gets his paws on the mouse...
17
00:00:49,390 --> 00:00:50,550
mats.
18
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:56,469
Fine. Come on then.
Let's meet the Fockers.
19
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:58,229
And behave yourself, OK?
20
00:00:58,230 --> 00:01:00,429
Some of these guys may well
want a piece of me.
21
00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:02,588
They kill the planet.
Someone's got to tell them.
22
00:01:02,589 --> 00:01:04,510
Someone is telling them.
His name is Sting.
23
00:01:04,511 --> 00:01:07,029
Anyway, it's America's fault.
24
00:01:07,030 --> 00:01:09,669
If the Yanks are actually
upset about the Gulf of Mexico,
25
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,270
they should start cycling.
26
00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:48,131
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
27
00:01:56,870 --> 00:01:58,389
A-hem.
28
00:01:58,589 --> 00:02:01,029
Nobody called or anything,
so I tidied up.
29
00:02:02,509 --> 00:02:04,508
I also defragged the hard-drive.
30
00:02:04,509 --> 00:02:07,028
I also did an aerial map
of the office.
31
00:02:07,029 --> 00:02:08,788
Oh.
32
00:02:08,789 --> 00:02:11,028
Yes.
33
00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:12,549
Why did you do that?
34
00:02:14,029 --> 00:02:15,308
Nobody called.
35
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:17,788
Where's this stuff going, Jee?
36
00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:21,788
Oh, er, just pop it on my desk, Deh.
Oregon, this is Derek.
37
00:02:21,789 --> 00:02:23,669
He's going to be working with us
from now on.
38
00:02:23,670 --> 00:02:25,029
Hi.
39
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,468
I was sitting there.
40
00:02:29,469 --> 00:02:31,468
I'm hot-desking.
41
00:02:31,469 --> 00:02:34,108
Any chance of a cup of tea?
42
00:02:34,109 --> 00:02:36,508
Oooh, I'd murder a cup of tea.
43
00:02:36,509 --> 00:02:37,749
So could I.
44
00:02:40,469 --> 00:02:42,148
So I guess I'll just make some.
45
00:02:42,149 --> 00:02:44,469
I brought my own mug.
46
00:02:47,789 --> 00:02:51,388
And there's the BP summer internship
scheme for particularly promising
students.
47
00:02:51,389 --> 00:02:54,028
I'm particularly promising.
48
00:02:54,029 --> 00:02:55,429
Well, I can give you a form
if you want?
49
00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:56,669
Yes, please.
50
00:03:03,589 --> 00:03:06,149
Thanks. What's the green form?
Can I have a green form?
51
00:03:13,029 --> 00:03:15,708
It says there's an application
pack. Can I have one, please?
52
00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:17,469
Yeah, we like to let people
read about the internship before...
53
00:03:17,470 --> 00:03:19,989
Can I have one, please?
54
00:03:35,789 --> 00:03:37,708
OK. I get it.
55
00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:40,109
You ask for stuff while
he steals the mouse mats.
56
00:03:40,110 --> 00:03:42,068
No! I want a pack. I do.
57
00:03:42,069 --> 00:03:44,068
I mean, he is stealing
mouse mats, but...
58
00:03:44,069 --> 00:03:46,508
I'm not stealing anything,
they're free.
59
00:03:46,509 --> 00:03:48,028
I'm not a part of this.
60
00:03:48,029 --> 00:03:50,028
I've got a built
in mouse-pad on my laptop.
61
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:51,147
I don't need a mouse mat.
62
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,309
Er, any chance of a photo?
63
00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:54,788
I'll be in a photo.
64
00:03:54,789 --> 00:03:57,228
Wait, what's that?
65
00:03:57,229 --> 00:03:59,308
Oh, that's not my blood.
66
00:03:59,309 --> 00:04:00,788
I work in an abattoir.
67
00:04:00,789 --> 00:04:03,589
This is a cable knit jumper,
it just sucks it up like Weetabix.
68
00:04:04,949 --> 00:04:06,308
Yeah, not this guy.
69
00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:09,308
He's too on message
for a Geology student.
70
00:04:09,309 --> 00:04:10,509
Take him away, would you?
71
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:12,509
No, no, no please!
72
00:04:13,869 --> 00:04:15,028
Sure. Come on.
73
00:04:15,029 --> 00:04:17,429
This guy's good.
Let's have a photo with this one.
74
00:04:17,430 --> 00:04:18,508
Me?
75
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,348
Yeah, come on.
76
00:04:20,349 --> 00:04:23,228
So, you're interested
in working for BP?
77
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,588
Um, not really.
78
00:04:24,589 --> 00:04:26,307
Don't believe all
that stuff you read.
79
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,427
Not everything wrong
with the world is our fault.
80
00:04:28,428 --> 00:04:29,869
Yeah, I know. Some of it's Shell.
81
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,628
Hmm, exactly!
82
00:04:31,629 --> 00:04:34,348
Anyway, if the Americans are really
upset about the effects
83
00:04:34,349 --> 00:04:36,589
of deep water drilling,
they should start cycling.
84
00:04:36,590 --> 00:04:38,588
What did you say your name was?
85
00:04:38,589 --> 00:04:40,348
Kingsley.
86
00:04:40,349 --> 00:04:44,148
Macauley. We have similar names.
87
00:04:44,149 --> 00:04:46,029
Mm. Yeah, sort of...
88
00:04:56,309 --> 00:04:58,948
Of course it's not an arm.
89
00:04:58,949 --> 00:05:00,309
It looks very arm-y, though.
90
00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:02,348
Which bit of the abattoir
is this from, Howard?
91
00:05:02,349 --> 00:05:05,308
The animal bit or the
industrial accidents area?
92
00:05:05,309 --> 00:05:07,788
Leg, yes.
93
00:05:07,789 --> 00:05:09,428
Wing, yes.
94
00:05:09,429 --> 00:05:12,588
Arm, a limb too far, my friend.
95
00:05:12,589 --> 00:05:14,588
I won't eat something
that could punch me.
96
00:05:14,589 --> 00:05:18,429
It's 100% probably not an arm.
97
00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:21,628
Oregon, is that you?
98
00:05:21,629 --> 00:05:23,268
No, it's us, we're home!
99
00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:26,389
What does she mean home?
She doesn't fucking live here.
100
00:05:27,909 --> 00:05:29,348
Hey, where were you?
101
00:05:29,349 --> 00:05:30,788
Just at the Union.
102
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,428
Yeah, I was talking to Heather.
103
00:05:32,429 --> 00:05:34,029
We were going to
go for a run at seven?
104
00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:36,828
Yeah, me and Kingsley went
for a quick drink because...
105
00:05:36,829 --> 00:05:38,948
Tuesday's my night, Kingsley!
You know the rota.
106
00:05:38,949 --> 00:05:41,149
If you want to see Heather,
you wait till Wednesday.
107
00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:44,228
Erm, well, it couldn't be helped,
we had some good news.
108
00:05:44,229 --> 00:05:46,988
Are you pregnant?
If so, get rid. Seriously.
109
00:05:46,989 --> 00:05:48,748
Don't even flinch. Just, get rid.
110
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,908
No. God, no. No.
111
00:05:51,909 --> 00:05:55,988
Just, I've been invited to some BP
drinks thing at the end of the week.
112
00:05:55,989 --> 00:06:00,828
What! How? Like what "thing"?
113
00:06:00,829 --> 00:06:02,588
It's called, Students to Watch.
114
00:06:02,589 --> 00:06:05,588
It's no big deal, although
they only select 15 students
115
00:06:05,589 --> 00:06:07,269
from the entire country
or something.
116
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:10,628
Oh, he's getting all excited
about it.
117
00:06:10,629 --> 00:06:13,029
I'm not, I'm, whatever,
maybe I'll go, maybe I won't.
118
00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:14,068
Who knows?
119
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,269
Well, presumably you know.
120
00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,868
BP? Are you serious?
121
00:06:17,869 --> 00:06:20,668
I had a photo taken with a guy
and we got talking.
122
00:06:20,669 --> 00:06:21,989
And now you're in the club.
123
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,268
Oooh, now you get to go round
killing seabirds
124
00:06:24,269 --> 00:06:26,067
and putting bets on
which Chinese kids
125
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:26,849
are going to die first
in the sweat shops.
126
00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:30,508
I don't think BP have sweat shops
so much as petrol stations, but...
127
00:06:30,509 --> 00:06:34,108
It's the same machine. BP, Tesco's,
Millets, all of 'em, Lush.
128
00:06:34,109 --> 00:06:37,068
You can dress that shit up until it
looks all sweet and lovely,
129
00:06:37,069 --> 00:06:38,628
but you can't stop it stinking.
130
00:06:38,629 --> 00:06:42,068
Yeah. I agree with that. Strongly.
131
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,429
With what? None of us know
what she's talking about.
132
00:06:44,430 --> 00:06:47,308
She's basically just saying
that you're now nothing
133
00:06:47,309 --> 00:06:49,188
but a puppet for the man.
134
00:06:49,189 --> 00:06:50,428
Exactly.
135
00:06:50,429 --> 00:06:51,709
Which man is this?
136
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,308
The man...
137
00:06:54,309 --> 00:06:57,748
The man who runs...
the whole thing.
138
00:06:57,749 --> 00:07:01,588
The BP CEO is called Bob Dudley.
139
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,988
Not him.
140
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,548
We're talking about the guy
behind the guy.
141
00:07:05,549 --> 00:07:07,148
You know, the guy you don't see.
142
00:07:07,149 --> 00:07:10,348
Right. You mean Executive
Director Iain Conn, then?
143
00:07:10,349 --> 00:07:13,108
Why are BP even
interested in you, Kings?
144
00:07:13,109 --> 00:07:15,868
Is it some sort of affirmative action
thing because you're poor?
145
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,549
I don't know, OK, but they are.
Now let's just all eat some...
146
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,108
Is that an arm?
147
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,468
Would you like some oil on it,
Kingsley?
148
00:07:25,469 --> 00:07:26,829
Seeing as you love oil so much.
149
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:30,708
Seeing as you love covering
animals in oil.
150
00:07:30,709 --> 00:07:32,227
That's a waste because that's extra
virgin...
151
00:07:32,228 --> 00:07:33,309
You're extra virgin,
152
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:35,348
you virgin-until-really-recently
dickhead!
153
00:07:35,349 --> 00:07:37,869
Cool. Well, this has gone
really well.
154
00:07:41,509 --> 00:07:43,508
You OK?
155
00:07:43,509 --> 00:07:47,988
Yeah, I'm fucking fab.
So, are we going for a run or not?
156
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:52,748
Well, it's night time, and
my arm's still a bit sore from...
157
00:07:52,749 --> 00:07:56,268
OK, God, look!
I am sorry that I broke your arm!
158
00:07:56,269 --> 00:07:58,349
But Jesus!
Can we please get over it!
159
00:08:02,389 --> 00:08:04,268
I didn't mean it like that.
160
00:08:04,269 --> 00:08:05,508
Sabine!
161
00:08:05,509 --> 00:08:07,828
Oregon's not home so you
can have her... arm!
162
00:08:07,829 --> 00:08:09,629
It may well not be an arm!
163
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,429
Where is Oregon, anyway?
164
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:23,829
Hi, Jee.
165
00:08:24,909 --> 00:08:27,268
Yeah, I'm still here.
166
00:08:27,269 --> 00:08:29,388
Tell her I'm still here.
167
00:08:29,389 --> 00:08:32,388
Just in case any emails come in
from the States or... Exactly.
168
00:08:32,389 --> 00:08:34,148
Tell her I'm here.
169
00:08:34,149 --> 00:08:36,748
OK. Yeah. Will do. OK, thanks. Bye.
170
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:41,989
Jee, Jean. Hi, hi. It's Oregon,
yeah. I'm also still here.
171
00:08:47,549 --> 00:08:48,629
Is that OK?
172
00:08:49,749 --> 00:08:52,629
Yeah, just the Tea Tree shower gel
makes it go all tingly.
173
00:09:00,949 --> 00:09:03,908
"Too on message for a Geology
student."
174
00:09:03,909 --> 00:09:06,108
That's what the BP guy said.
175
00:09:06,109 --> 00:09:08,948
Too on message. What does that mean?
176
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:13,188
I think what he's saying is that you
don't really lay down a great vibe.
177
00:09:13,189 --> 00:09:17,108
Well, no, I'm deliberately vibeless.
I'm the minister without vibe.
178
00:09:17,109 --> 00:09:20,148
Look, everyone's got a vibe,
Howard.
179
00:09:20,149 --> 00:09:22,828
You know, yours is the whole NHS
specs, chronic masturbator,
180
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,109
Lord of the Rings fan vibe.
181
00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:26,468
But I don't even like
Lord of the Rings!
182
00:09:26,469 --> 00:09:29,908
Look, don't sweat it, How.
183
00:09:29,909 --> 00:09:34,148
We don't even need these BP goons to
vibe with us because we're mavericks.
184
00:09:34,149 --> 00:09:36,508
We'll make our money by inventing
something
185
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,588
or money laundering, whatever.
186
00:09:38,589 --> 00:09:41,828
It's just I get excellent
exam results
187
00:09:41,829 --> 00:09:45,428
and a robust reference from the
abattoir, but I lose out to the guy
188
00:09:45,429 --> 00:09:49,108
with the better haircut
and less memorable handshake.
189
00:09:49,109 --> 00:09:50,789
Why? What's your handshake?
190
00:09:56,069 --> 00:09:57,549
Yeah, stop doing that.
191
00:10:03,589 --> 00:10:04,988
This is bonkers!
192
00:10:04,989 --> 00:10:09,268
BP give all management a Toyota
Avensis and full life insurance!
193
00:10:09,269 --> 00:10:10,988
It's what Cobain died for.
194
00:10:10,989 --> 00:10:13,189
I'm just saying, it's interesting.
195
00:10:14,269 --> 00:10:15,307
In the event of my death,
196
00:10:15,308 --> 00:10:17,589
you'd receive a payout of ten
times my annual salary.
197
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:20,628
Right, so what you're saying is
give up on the dentistry,
198
00:10:20,629 --> 00:10:23,148
just marry and then kill you?
199
00:10:23,149 --> 00:10:25,228
You joke, but this is
a really big opportunity.
200
00:10:25,229 --> 00:10:26,789
I thought you wanted to make music.
201
00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:30,948
I know. I do, but maybe I could
make music and work for BP.
202
00:10:30,949 --> 00:10:32,668
They might have a house band.
203
00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:35,268
Yeah. I mean it's not exactly how
The Prodigy met, is it?
204
00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:36,828
In the BP house band.
205
00:10:36,829 --> 00:10:40,788
Well, no, sure
but you could see, say,
206
00:10:40,789 --> 00:10:45,388
Moby or a couple of Mumfords
working there?
207
00:10:45,389 --> 00:10:47,588
Yeah, yeah, agreed.
208
00:10:47,589 --> 00:10:49,428
So, you know, it's a dilemma.
209
00:10:49,429 --> 00:10:50,629
What should I do?
210
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:52,949
You genuinely want me
to tell you what to do?
211
00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:55,429
It's just a huge-y, Heather.
212
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:58,868
OK. Well, music's not
a reliable industry.
213
00:10:58,869 --> 00:11:02,108
Very few people get a record deal,
not many of them get a second album,
214
00:11:02,109 --> 00:11:04,309
and even then, the public
doesn't hear your stuff
215
00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:06,908
because the radio's playing songs
by the Black Eyed Peas.
216
00:11:06,909 --> 00:11:09,347
You're right. Fuck it.
I'm going to be an oil man.
217
00:11:09,348 --> 00:11:11,509
I'm not spending twenty years
sucking up to A&R men
218
00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:14,148
and trying to get people to stop
listening to Jamie Cullum.
219
00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:17,428
I'm going to use this Geology degree
to make some bloody money,
220
00:11:17,429 --> 00:11:20,108
and then, when I'm rich as fuck,
I'll hire the Black Eyed Peas
221
00:11:20,109 --> 00:11:22,988
to come to my 40th birthday, but not
to play any music or anything,
222
00:11:22,989 --> 00:11:24,949
just so that I can tell them
that they're shit.
223
00:11:53,549 --> 00:11:55,429
You don't need to still be here,
you know.
224
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:57,068
I can lock up on my own.
225
00:11:57,069 --> 00:11:59,268
I think Jean just appreciates
me staying,
226
00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,149
cos I've got editorial
experience, so...
227
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:02,348
What?
228
00:12:02,349 --> 00:12:03,668
Have you?
229
00:12:03,669 --> 00:12:04,867
No, you haven't.
230
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:07,269
Jean's allocated her funding
to the magazine I edit.
231
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:10,388
So, yes. I have.
232
00:12:10,389 --> 00:12:14,308
But I wanted to start up a magazine.
That was my idea!
233
00:12:14,309 --> 00:12:15,668
You've stolen my idea!
234
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:17,948
Oh, apologies.
Magazines are your idea?
235
00:12:17,949 --> 00:12:19,709
Are you going to sue
Vogue or something?
236
00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:22,188
And Jean said that I could
have that funding.
237
00:12:22,189 --> 00:12:24,469
Oh, well. Guess you can't.
238
00:12:41,309 --> 00:12:42,749
Pancakes. Anyone for pancakes?
239
00:12:43,989 --> 00:12:45,908
Can you believe Heather?
240
00:12:45,909 --> 00:12:47,508
Er, yeah.
241
00:12:47,509 --> 00:12:48,709
She made pancakes!
242
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:50,348
Right. What a fucking bitch?
243
00:12:50,349 --> 00:12:51,388
Yeah, I know!
244
00:12:51,389 --> 00:12:53,988
Like, I know we're best mates
and stuff, but that is not cool.
245
00:12:53,989 --> 00:12:55,988
Pancakes are my thing.
I always make pancakes.
246
00:12:55,989 --> 00:12:57,868
Not for me you don't.
247
00:12:57,869 --> 00:12:59,908
You want pancakes?
I'll make you pancakes.
248
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:02,269
I'll make you so many pancakes,
you'll think it's pancake day.
249
00:13:02,270 --> 00:13:04,108
Right. Look forward to that then.
250
00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:05,508
Where you going?
251
00:13:05,509 --> 00:13:07,348
Got a shift at the hotel.
252
00:13:07,349 --> 00:13:08,709
Can I come? Can I do that?
253
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:12,788
Well, I am the boss now,
so I kind of can hire people...
254
00:13:12,789 --> 00:13:14,109
Hire me! You should hire me!
255
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:16,908
Go on, we'll have a wicked time,
and we can get away from Heathsley.
256
00:13:16,909 --> 00:13:19,548
Heathsley? Is that
Heather and Kingsley?
257
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,068
Yeah, Heathsley. Or Kingthler.
258
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,429
Anyway, please Vod, go on.
259
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,949
Too much flour.
260
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,536
Look at him.
261
00:13:45,537 --> 00:13:48,456
He thinks he's
Ryan fucking Reynolds.
262
00:13:48,457 --> 00:13:52,376
I can't believe BP were
duped by that slick shit.
263
00:13:52,377 --> 00:13:54,176
Yeah, well, BP can blow me.
264
00:13:54,177 --> 00:13:56,537
I've already started
coming up with invention ideas
265
00:13:56,538 --> 00:13:59,536
and, I've got to say,
they're pretty strong.
266
00:13:59,537 --> 00:14:01,016
What are the ideas?
267
00:14:01,017 --> 00:14:03,896
OK, so, the first one
is a Tank-copter.
268
00:14:03,897 --> 00:14:08,656
You basically put helicopter blades
onto a tank so that it can fly.
269
00:14:08,657 --> 00:14:11,096
Too heavy.
270
00:14:11,097 --> 00:14:14,096
Yeah, I did think that
it might be too heavy.
271
00:14:14,097 --> 00:14:16,816
So my next one
is an idea for a website,
272
00:14:16,817 --> 00:14:20,616
it's called www.howamIlooking?com.
273
00:14:20,617 --> 00:14:24,536
You can't have ?com.
It's got to be .com.
274
00:14:24,537 --> 00:14:25,657
Well, anyway...
275
00:14:25,658 --> 00:14:27,616
You go onto howamIlooking?com,
276
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,896
and then the computer screen
becomes a mirror.
277
00:14:30,897 --> 00:14:32,376
Like an actual mirror.
278
00:14:32,556 --> 00:14:34,275
Can't be done.
279
00:14:34,276 --> 00:14:36,515
Yeah, well,
not with that attitude, no.
280
00:14:36,516 --> 00:14:38,836
Not with any attitude.
Any more?
281
00:14:40,276 --> 00:14:42,555
OK, and hear me out.
282
00:14:42,556 --> 00:14:46,715
An iPhone that is also a razor.
283
00:14:46,716 --> 00:14:48,475
Won't work.
284
00:14:48,476 --> 00:14:49,996
But look, it's so nearly there.
285
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:52,855
That's you just doing the noise.
286
00:14:52,876 --> 00:14:54,435
Yeah, I realise that.
287
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,635
But what I'm saying is,
please can you help me?
288
00:14:56,636 --> 00:14:58,795
I want to get started
on the phone/razor,
289
00:14:58,796 --> 00:15:01,075
but I'm worried that
I'll break my phone.
290
00:15:01,076 --> 00:15:05,235
Right, OK, go to the Computer
Sciences Faculty and ask for Sauron.
291
00:15:05,236 --> 00:15:06,916
He's the best programmer there is.
292
00:15:08,236 --> 00:15:10,995
Sauron? Like in Lord of the Rings?
293
00:15:10,996 --> 00:15:13,315
I don't know! I haven't seen it!
294
00:15:13,316 --> 00:15:17,355
I don't watch films about wizards
and magical fucking jewellery!
295
00:15:17,356 --> 00:15:20,876
Jesus! Chill out!
296
00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:24,937
Tony?
297
00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:28,417
Oregon.
298
00:15:29,937 --> 00:15:34,057
Firstly, thank you for agreeing not
to sue me for breaking your nose.
299
00:15:35,497 --> 00:15:38,096
Well, you should thank
the legal system
300
00:15:38,097 --> 00:15:40,777
for being institutionally
weighted in favour of women.
301
00:15:42,497 --> 00:15:45,017
Yeah, OK, great.
302
00:15:46,177 --> 00:15:48,135
Secondly, have you spent
all your funding?
303
00:15:48,136 --> 00:15:50,497
Because I was thinking of
setting up a magazine, and...
304
00:15:50,498 --> 00:15:51,897
I've spent it.
305
00:15:53,097 --> 00:15:54,656
Well, I don't believe you.
306
00:15:54,657 --> 00:15:59,376
Why? Because you think I'm
some kind of chaotic, senile flake?
307
00:15:59,377 --> 00:16:01,016
Erm...
308
00:16:01,017 --> 00:16:02,936
It's spent.
309
00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:07,456
Could you maybe ask around
and see if there's any more?
310
00:16:07,457 --> 00:16:09,737
I see. You want me to ask around.
311
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:15,377
Like your pet pig,
snuffling in the dirt for truffles.
312
00:16:24,097 --> 00:16:27,576
So, basically, the computer screen
turns into a mirror...
313
00:16:27,577 --> 00:16:29,177
That won't work.
314
00:16:30,937 --> 00:16:32,617
OK, well, what about this?
315
00:16:40,017 --> 00:16:41,656
It's not easy.
316
00:16:41,657 --> 00:16:42,937
I know it's not easy.
317
00:16:42,938 --> 00:16:49,617
That is why I'm giving you
Ј100 to work out how to do it.
318
00:16:50,697 --> 00:16:52,736
You can count it, if you want.
It's all there.
319
00:16:52,737 --> 00:16:54,296
Oh, no, it's fine.
320
00:16:54,297 --> 00:16:55,657
Go on, count it.
321
00:16:59,857 --> 00:17:02,936
50, 100.
322
00:17:02,937 --> 00:17:05,656
See? I'm not pissing about, Sauron.
323
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:10,057
This is our passport
to planet fucking minted.
324
00:17:11,457 --> 00:17:13,217
Ssh!
325
00:17:28,937 --> 00:17:33,296
Oh, my God, this is brilliant!
We're in a hotel, for free!
326
00:17:33,297 --> 00:17:35,577
Yeah, you get used to that.
327
00:17:38,177 --> 00:17:40,377
Why don't you do the bathroom
while I do in here?
328
00:17:40,378 --> 00:17:42,577
Yeah, OK.
329
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:46,976
Wow! Minibar.
330
00:17:46,977 --> 00:17:48,656
Look, Vod! Tiny wine!
331
00:17:48,657 --> 00:17:49,657
We're allowed this, right?
332
00:17:49,658 --> 00:17:50,736
Not really.
333
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:51,976
Here's to...
334
00:17:51,977 --> 00:17:54,456
What's a good nickname for us?
335
00:17:54,457 --> 00:17:59,496
Er, the clean... The sisters
of clean, the clean clan,
336
00:17:59,497 --> 00:18:01,056
the cleaning towers of... No.
337
00:18:01,057 --> 00:18:02,457
Why don't you work it out
while you do the bathroom?
338
00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:04,537
Good idea, boss.
339
00:18:10,137 --> 00:18:12,097
Hey, did you hear
Heathsley last night?
340
00:18:12,098 --> 00:18:15,176
They had a fucking bath together,
like they're a football team
341
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,937
in the '80s, or something.
It's rank!
342
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:19,697
I've cleaned the loo!
343
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,656
Well, you've flushed it.
344
00:18:21,657 --> 00:18:25,336
I might... clean the bath
by having a bath.
345
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,177
Like, give the bath a bath!
346
00:18:33,937 --> 00:18:36,656
OK, so I've found some funding.
347
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,337
Yes!
348
00:18:41,137 --> 00:18:42,656
Erm...
349
00:18:42,657 --> 00:18:43,936
Oh, er...
350
00:18:43,937 --> 00:18:45,256
Er...
351
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,897
OK.
352
00:18:51,057 --> 00:18:52,937
You are the best, Tony!
You are the bloody best!
353
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,336
Yes.
354
00:18:54,337 --> 00:18:56,217
So, have you given the magazine
a title yet?
355
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:59,176
Yes. It's either
The Definite Article,
356
00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:03,616
or Indefinite Articles,
or Present Tense, or...
357
00:19:03,617 --> 00:19:06,136
OK, because - and they're
great names, by the way...
358
00:19:06,137 --> 00:19:09,256
it might be better if
it were called something Jewish.
359
00:19:09,257 --> 00:19:11,336
Oh, right. Why?
360
00:19:11,337 --> 00:19:12,815
Just think it'd be really classy
361
00:19:12,816 --> 00:19:15,217
if it were in some way
linked to the Jewish faith.
362
00:19:16,297 --> 00:19:18,657
Also, the funding comes from the
Jewish Society, so it would help.
363
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,137
Oh.
364
00:19:21,737 --> 00:19:24,257
OK. Erm, Jewish.
365
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:26,497
Yeah, OK, why not?
366
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:27,856
Exactly.
367
00:19:27,857 --> 00:19:29,017
I'm glad you're pleased.
368
00:19:29,018 --> 00:19:30,656
I'm thrilled, Tony.
369
00:19:30,657 --> 00:19:33,376
And, erm, I'm really glad that
we can be friends again.
370
00:19:33,377 --> 00:19:34,696
Of course we can.
371
00:19:34,697 --> 00:19:36,696
I thought after the whole
threatening to sue me
372
00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,936
and oinking thing...
373
00:19:38,937 --> 00:19:41,897
That was before.
That was angry Tony.
374
00:19:42,937 --> 00:19:45,336
So who are you now?
375
00:19:45,337 --> 00:19:49,576
Now, I'm nice Tony.
376
00:19:49,577 --> 00:19:50,977
I want to put all that behind us.
377
00:19:50,978 --> 00:19:54,176
Great, well, as long as
nasty Tony doesn't come back!
378
00:19:54,177 --> 00:19:55,696
He won't. I promise.
379
00:19:55,697 --> 00:19:58,337
We won't even tell him
what we're up to.
380
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,256
What the hell are you doing?!
381
00:20:18,257 --> 00:20:21,736
I paid you to work, Sauron,
not to go out on the mega-lash!
382
00:20:21,737 --> 00:20:23,017
I'm only having a half.
383
00:20:23,018 --> 00:20:26,656
I couldn't give a fuck, mate!
Go and work on the phone razor!
384
00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:28,856
I'm in the middle of a game.
385
00:20:28,857 --> 00:20:30,777
Oh, are you, now?
386
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:35,656
Other people are out there trying to
crack the phone razor, as we speak.
387
00:20:35,657 --> 00:20:37,176
I don't want to go home now.
388
00:20:37,177 --> 00:20:40,537
You took my money.
I own you. Go and work!
389
00:20:43,057 --> 00:20:44,537
I still have a fair bit of my...
390
00:20:53,697 --> 00:20:56,296
Because I figured the suit
says, "I mean business",
391
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,576
but the tie says, "I also mean fun".
392
00:20:58,577 --> 00:21:00,817
But not so much fun
that I stop meaning business.
393
00:21:00,818 --> 00:21:02,136
I mainly mean business.
394
00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:04,256
Yeah, I think that's pretty clear.
395
00:21:04,257 --> 00:21:08,176
I also got 12 business cards
from that machine at the station
and they clearly mean business.
396
00:21:08,177 --> 00:21:09,977
What? Let me see.
397
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:14,776
I couldn't work out how to avoid
having clip art on it,
398
00:21:14,777 --> 00:21:17,256
but it's a calculator,
which is businessy.
399
00:21:17,257 --> 00:21:20,176
"Kingsley Owen. Student."
400
00:21:20,177 --> 00:21:21,936
What do you reckon?
401
00:21:21,937 --> 00:21:24,616
Students shouldn't have
business cards. That's weird.
402
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,336
But I have to wow them.
403
00:21:27,337 --> 00:21:29,697
I think this will wow them.
Like, "Wow, this guy is weird!"
404
00:21:29,698 --> 00:21:32,776
Why are you being like this?
I'm just following your advice.
405
00:21:32,777 --> 00:21:35,696
I don't remember advising you to buy
an ill-fitting polyester suit.
406
00:21:35,697 --> 00:21:37,535
You said I should go
all out for the BP thing.
407
00:21:37,536 --> 00:21:39,937
No, I didn't. I said
music was difficult to get into.
408
00:21:39,938 --> 00:21:43,136
I did not tell you to sell your soul
away to the oil industry.
409
00:21:43,137 --> 00:21:45,816
You made it very clear what you
expected. If it was up to me,
410
00:21:45,817 --> 00:21:48,376
I'd make music and live by the docks
in Berlin, or something.
411
00:21:48,377 --> 00:21:51,216
Well, you can't,
because Berlin isn't by the sea.
412
00:21:51,217 --> 00:21:53,776
Fine. Not the docks, then.
The equivalent of the docks.
413
00:21:53,777 --> 00:21:56,097
Right, so you want to live
by the Berlin truck terminal?
414
00:21:56,098 --> 00:21:58,056
Are we having an argument?
415
00:21:58,057 --> 00:22:00,936
Are we now just another one of those
couples that argue all the time?
416
00:22:00,937 --> 00:22:02,936
This is not an argument.
There is no argument,
417
00:22:02,937 --> 00:22:05,176
because you're just being
a dick-jerky.
418
00:22:05,177 --> 00:22:08,456
Right. That's it. I am now leaving.
419
00:22:08,457 --> 00:22:11,216
Well, this is your house,
so you're leaving your own house.
420
00:22:11,217 --> 00:22:14,576
I'm going to a different bit of it
where you're not, therefore proving
421
00:22:14,577 --> 00:22:16,977
that this is an argument,
so... piss off!
422
00:22:28,257 --> 00:22:29,697
So...
423
00:22:30,737 --> 00:22:34,536
Have I created a new vibe?
424
00:22:34,537 --> 00:22:38,057
Yes, Howard. Yes, you have.
425
00:22:39,257 --> 00:22:42,056
And, erm, what vibe is this?
426
00:22:42,057 --> 00:22:45,536
Sort of... special needs,
line dancer vibe.
427
00:22:45,537 --> 00:22:48,696
Why did you buy those glasses,
and the...?
428
00:22:48,697 --> 00:22:50,896
I panic bought.
429
00:22:50,897 --> 00:22:53,096
This is the result of panic buying.
430
00:22:53,097 --> 00:22:54,337
Don't take a photo of it!
431
00:22:54,338 --> 00:22:56,897
Oh, come on. It's amazing!
432
00:22:58,017 --> 00:23:00,856
You look like a sort of
trainee paedo.
433
00:23:00,857 --> 00:23:03,296
Look, just help me! One of youse!
434
00:23:03,297 --> 00:23:07,576
Relax, Howard. Look, tomorrow,
we'll take the specs back
435
00:23:07,577 --> 00:23:09,776
and return all the clobber
to River Island.
436
00:23:09,777 --> 00:23:12,456
How do you know
it's from River Island?
437
00:23:12,457 --> 00:23:14,417
I just know.
438
00:23:29,537 --> 00:23:30,657
Are you there?
439
00:23:32,657 --> 00:23:34,057
I really want to talk to you.
440
00:23:35,977 --> 00:23:37,377
I miss that, I...
441
00:23:39,257 --> 00:23:40,617
miss talking to you.
442
00:23:45,017 --> 00:23:46,616
Yes?
443
00:23:46,617 --> 00:23:49,856
Oh, sorry, I...
I didn't know you were...
444
00:23:49,857 --> 00:23:53,336
Josie asked me to swap rooms because
she doesn't like your noises.
445
00:23:53,337 --> 00:23:56,016
I lived in Japan for a year,
where walls are made of paper,
446
00:23:56,017 --> 00:23:58,617
so as long as it's not too loud,
I'm fine with it.
447
00:23:59,977 --> 00:24:01,697
So, what do you want to talk about?
448
00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:09,416
So then my family moved to Bunnik
when I was nine,
449
00:24:09,417 --> 00:24:13,096
so I had to change schools, which
was pretty traumatic, actually.
450
00:24:13,097 --> 00:24:14,816
They always teased me,
451
00:24:14,817 --> 00:24:19,496
they always said, "Sabine zit je
tegrienen!" It's like,
whining Sabine.
452
00:24:19,497 --> 00:24:22,256
New literary magazine.
Submissions urgently required.
453
00:24:22,257 --> 00:24:26,336
I'll say. The ones that
have come in are shit, frankly.
454
00:24:26,337 --> 00:24:28,295
We'll take submissions on anything.
455
00:24:28,296 --> 00:24:30,577
Love, loss, bar mitzvahs,
nature, anything at all.
456
00:24:30,578 --> 00:24:33,296
I mean, all these submissions
are by sexually frustrated boys
457
00:24:33,297 --> 00:24:35,017
who clearly want
to have sex with you.
458
00:24:35,018 --> 00:24:36,896
Oh, come on, Tony, I don't...
459
00:24:36,897 --> 00:24:38,497
This one about the snake
is about sex,
460
00:24:38,498 --> 00:24:40,896
the one about the tree is about sex,
461
00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:43,536
the one about the man having sex
with the woman is about sex.
462
00:24:43,537 --> 00:24:44,657
Are they anti-Semitic?
463
00:24:44,658 --> 00:24:45,736
No, but...
464
00:24:45,737 --> 00:24:46,697
Then they can go in.
465
00:24:50,177 --> 00:24:51,616
Chutzpah?
466
00:24:51,617 --> 00:24:53,576
Your magazine's called Chutzpah?
467
00:24:53,577 --> 00:24:55,376
Yes. Meaning audacity in Yiddish.
468
00:24:55,377 --> 00:24:58,176
Oh, yeah?
Well, what's this in Yiddish?
469
00:24:58,177 --> 00:25:00,816
I imagine it's the same.
470
00:25:00,817 --> 00:25:03,536
Not scared of a little
competition, are you, Derek?
471
00:25:03,537 --> 00:25:07,257
Oh, it's on. It is on!
472
00:25:12,817 --> 00:25:14,936
Mmm...
473
00:25:14,937 --> 00:25:17,977
Yeah, I just...
I need another 30 seconds, OK?
474
00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:21,937
A micro-nap. A power-blink.
475
00:25:23,017 --> 00:25:25,016
You've been asleep for five hours.
476
00:25:25,017 --> 00:25:27,017
I'm sorry, Jose, but you're fired!
477
00:25:29,377 --> 00:25:33,016
You can't fire me!
We're the Sparkle Sisters!
478
00:25:33,017 --> 00:25:35,377
You're treating this place
like a fucking hotel!
479
00:25:37,097 --> 00:25:39,456
Stop eating those!
480
00:25:39,457 --> 00:25:42,777
You've eaten 65 pillow chocolates
in the past two days.
481
00:25:44,297 --> 00:25:47,296
Well, you've become everything
that you hate, do you know that?
482
00:25:47,297 --> 00:25:49,176
Crushing the little guys.
483
00:25:49,177 --> 00:25:51,216
The little guys
who love the little chocolates
484
00:25:51,217 --> 00:25:53,816
because they fit perfectly
in their little tummies.
485
00:25:53,817 --> 00:25:55,537
Bollocks!
486
00:26:01,097 --> 00:26:02,817
Take a chocolate, then.
487
00:26:07,017 --> 00:26:10,177
Yeah, but... they come out of
our wages, so...
488
00:26:56,817 --> 00:26:59,376
What are you doing in here?
489
00:26:59,377 --> 00:27:04,017
Oh, I left my paper clip.
Yeah, here it is, look.
490
00:27:06,017 --> 00:27:07,656
Argh!
491
00:27:07,657 --> 00:27:09,777
Maybe we get you some soft ones.
492
00:27:11,457 --> 00:27:13,816
What do you mean, soft ones?
493
00:27:13,817 --> 00:27:15,657
There is something touching my eye.
494
00:27:15,658 --> 00:27:18,456
It wouldn't matter if it was cotton
wool, it would still feel like
495
00:27:18,457 --> 00:27:21,777
boiling shrapnel,
because it's on my actual eye!
496
00:27:23,137 --> 00:27:25,136
Why are you wearing lenses?
497
00:27:25,137 --> 00:27:26,576
What?
498
00:27:26,577 --> 00:27:28,416
Why do you think, Kingsley?
499
00:27:28,417 --> 00:27:31,296
The same reason that Ed Miliband
got work done on his adenoids,
500
00:27:31,297 --> 00:27:33,656
because life is a struggle
for people like me.
501
00:27:33,657 --> 00:27:36,576
It may be all right for you, with
all your corporate parties and Cava,
502
00:27:36,577 --> 00:27:37,936
poster boy!
503
00:27:37,937 --> 00:27:41,096
I just got an invite,
I'm not their fucking poster boy!
504
00:27:41,097 --> 00:27:44,177
No? Well, check out the
Geology Faculty noticeboard!
505
00:27:56,777 --> 00:27:58,296
I believed in you, Sauron.
506
00:27:58,297 --> 00:28:01,095
It's too difficult.
Of course it's not. Look.
507
00:28:01,096 --> 00:28:03,017
No, you don't need to
demonstrate it again.
508
00:28:03,018 --> 00:28:07,537
I understand the concept,
I'm just saying... it can't be done.
509
00:28:09,577 --> 00:28:12,936
If you try and develop this
without me, I will end you!
510
00:28:12,937 --> 00:28:15,096
I am not your Winklevosses!
511
00:28:15,097 --> 00:28:16,737
Do you hear me?!
512
00:28:21,297 --> 00:28:22,896
It's just so gay.
513
00:28:22,897 --> 00:28:25,496
I guess that's the point,
but, no, not for me.
514
00:28:25,497 --> 00:28:26,816
How is it this glossy?
515
00:28:26,817 --> 00:28:29,816
It's going to make Chutzpah
look like it's printed on bog roll.
516
00:28:29,817 --> 00:28:31,497
Oregon, it's about content,
not expensive colour printing.
517
00:28:31,498 --> 00:28:33,896
Well, you said our content was shit.
518
00:28:33,897 --> 00:28:35,376
Well, yes, but...
519
00:28:35,377 --> 00:28:37,936
So basically, our magazine
is just shit-covered bog roll.
520
00:28:37,937 --> 00:28:40,296
Oh, Oregon.
This is just a dip.
521
00:28:40,297 --> 00:28:42,655
In all creative endeavours,
there are moments of...
522
00:28:42,656 --> 00:28:45,017
Shakespeare probably finished
Henry IV and was like,
523
00:28:45,018 --> 00:28:47,376
"Christ! How many more
Henrys are there?"
524
00:28:47,377 --> 00:28:48,496
Come here.
525
00:28:48,497 --> 00:28:49,936
No, no, don't.
526
00:28:49,937 --> 00:28:51,456
I... I don't need a hug.
527
00:28:51,457 --> 00:28:53,897
A friendly hug.
A nice, friendly hug.
528
00:29:01,737 --> 00:29:03,576
You're in it as well.
529
00:29:03,577 --> 00:29:07,296
As a bystander.
I'm clearly standing by.
530
00:29:07,297 --> 00:29:11,257
Hey, Kingsley, erm, I'm going to need
your invite to the BP do.
531
00:29:12,497 --> 00:29:13,856
How much?
532
00:29:13,857 --> 00:29:16,936
I take it the MOD didn't order
a battalion of Tank-copters!
533
00:29:16,937 --> 00:29:18,416
Yeah, well, it turns out
534
00:29:18,417 --> 00:29:21,297
I'm the only one with
any bloody vision in this country.
535
00:29:22,297 --> 00:29:24,336
So, Kingsley, mate?
536
00:29:24,337 --> 00:29:26,336
They've airbrushed out
my soul patch!
537
00:29:26,337 --> 00:29:28,736
Look. They can't do that!
538
00:29:28,737 --> 00:29:31,336
Oh, yeah, I mean, that is outrageous.
539
00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:34,376
I knew it!
They just want some drone.
540
00:29:34,377 --> 00:29:36,656
They want me to sell my soul
to the devil.
541
00:29:36,657 --> 00:29:39,576
I think they want you to sell
your soul patch to the devil.
542
00:29:39,577 --> 00:29:43,456
I'm not an oil man. They can stick
their internship up their arse.
543
00:29:43,457 --> 00:29:47,416
Exactly! So... give me the invite.
544
00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:48,815
Come on. I'm what BP want.
545
00:29:48,816 --> 00:29:49,777
No, you're not.
546
00:29:49,778 --> 00:29:51,136
Well, of course I am.
547
00:29:51,137 --> 00:29:55,057
What's a tension-leg
drilling platform then?
548
00:29:56,377 --> 00:29:58,537
It's a... type of platform.
549
00:30:00,057 --> 00:30:02,057
What does BP stand for?
550
00:30:04,577 --> 00:30:06,296
Britain... Petrol.
551
00:30:06,297 --> 00:30:07,936
Wrong.
552
00:30:07,937 --> 00:30:11,496
OK, Howard, you may have
more actual facts than me,
553
00:30:11,497 --> 00:30:13,376
but I've got stuff that BP need.
554
00:30:13,377 --> 00:30:14,936
Like what?
555
00:30:14,937 --> 00:30:17,856
People with my accent
make foreigners shit themselves.
556
00:30:17,857 --> 00:30:20,656
If I'd been born 40 years ago,
I'd be running India.
557
00:30:20,657 --> 00:30:22,577
India was independent 40 years ago.
558
00:30:22,578 --> 00:30:24,696
Well, maybe if I'd been around,
it wouldn't be.
559
00:30:24,697 --> 00:30:25,996
Howard, you should have it.
560
00:30:26,090 --> 00:30:27,129
Kings!
561
00:30:27,130 --> 00:30:29,729
I repeated what you said about
Americans taking up cycling.
562
00:30:29,730 --> 00:30:31,089
That's why I got this.
563
00:30:31,090 --> 00:30:33,209
That was my comment.
You stole my comment!
564
00:30:33,210 --> 00:30:36,569
I'm sorry. You don't need
to be more like me.
565
00:30:36,570 --> 00:30:38,370
If anything,
I should be more like you.
566
00:30:42,450 --> 00:30:45,410
Well, now. In that case...
567
00:30:47,730 --> 00:30:50,130
Argh!
568
00:30:57,170 --> 00:30:59,410
Gentlemen...
569
00:31:07,034 --> 00:31:12,194
Howard? Er, listen - er, any chance
of getting me into that BP thing?
570
00:31:22,074 --> 00:31:24,953
He put a penis in Lips!
571
00:31:25,491 --> 00:31:27,130
Sorry?
572
00:31:27,131 --> 00:31:29,990
Derek. He put an image of
a male penis in his magazine
573
00:31:30,011 --> 00:31:32,450
and I found a university
statute from the '70s
574
00:31:32,451 --> 00:31:34,890
explicitly banning
photos of male penises!
575
00:31:34,891 --> 00:31:37,890
Right, well - thanks for coming
round to let me know,
576
00:31:37,891 --> 00:31:40,410
but, erm, I've got
a fair bit to get on with.
577
00:31:40,411 --> 00:31:43,130
Oregon, it's been closed down.
I got his magazine closed down!
578
00:31:43,131 --> 00:31:46,130
Oh, my God! That's brilliant!
579
00:31:46,131 --> 00:31:48,690
Ha-ha! I know!
580
00:31:48,691 --> 00:31:51,530
We crushed gay
and lesbian fiction!
581
00:31:51,531 --> 00:31:52,689
No, Tony, don't.
582
00:31:52,690 --> 00:31:53,609
Oh, come on.
583
00:31:53,610 --> 00:31:54,731
No - I said no!
584
00:31:54,732 --> 00:31:56,850
Do you know how hard
I've been working on this?
585
00:31:56,851 --> 00:31:59,010
That doesn't mean we
can have sex again!
586
00:31:59,011 --> 00:32:02,170
It bloody should! I've been going
over statutes all night for you!
587
00:32:02,171 --> 00:32:04,250
Do you have any idea
how dull that is?
588
00:32:04,251 --> 00:32:06,170
Well, I thought we were friends.
589
00:32:06,171 --> 00:32:08,650
I mean, what happened to nice Tony?
590
00:32:08,651 --> 00:32:11,730
Oh, wake up! There is no nice
Tony. There's just this one,
591
00:32:11,731 --> 00:32:14,570
this car-crash of a man
who gets his nose broken
592
00:32:14,571 --> 00:32:17,330
and has genre-defying homosexual
magazines closed down because
593
00:32:17,331 --> 00:32:19,850
he thinks there might
be a shag in it!
594
00:32:19,851 --> 00:32:22,490
And if you think that sort
of behaviour sounds pathetic,
595
00:32:22,491 --> 00:32:25,411
try and imagine
how I feel about it!
596
00:32:29,651 --> 00:32:32,050
Hi, it's me... again.
597
00:32:32,051 --> 00:32:35,130
I'm sorry for shouting at you.
598
00:32:35,131 --> 00:32:38,250
I'm not going to
the BP thing. It's not for me.
599
00:32:38,251 --> 00:32:41,251
I'm not an oil man.
I realise that now.
600
00:32:42,331 --> 00:32:43,891
I'm a musician.
601
00:32:44,651 --> 00:32:46,291
Shut up, Sabine!
602
00:32:56,851 --> 00:32:58,610
Wait for me!
603
00:32:58,611 --> 00:33:01,050
What the hell are you doing?
604
00:33:01,051 --> 00:33:03,130
What the hell are
you doing, more like?
605
00:33:03,131 --> 00:33:04,531
I'm his plus one, not you!
606
00:33:04,532 --> 00:33:07,210
No, I mean, what the fuck
are you doing in a dress?
607
00:33:07,211 --> 00:33:09,930
Oh, I know.
It's Oregon's. I hate it.
608
00:33:09,931 --> 00:33:12,371
I feel like I'm off to marry
Bryan Ferry or something.
609
00:33:12,372 --> 00:33:16,170
You're fit! I can't
deal with you being fit.
610
00:33:16,171 --> 00:33:16,931
Change back.
611
00:33:16,932 --> 00:33:19,770
You don't have to deal
with it. You won't be there.
612
00:33:19,771 --> 00:33:21,810
You don't have an invite.
613
00:33:21,811 --> 00:33:24,250
This is my invite.
614
00:33:24,251 --> 00:33:27,651
This little bastard
gets me in anywhere.
615
00:33:30,531 --> 00:33:32,651
Come on.
616
00:33:51,971 --> 00:33:54,970
Are you drinking in the dark?
617
00:33:54,971 --> 00:33:57,531
Not any more.
618
00:33:58,931 --> 00:34:00,771
Hi, there. Do you have your invite?
619
00:34:00,772 --> 00:34:02,691
Oh, yes.
620
00:34:06,331 --> 00:34:08,331
Invite, please, sir.
621
00:34:09,811 --> 00:34:13,730
Oh, dear! I appear to have
left my invite on my desk,
622
00:34:13,731 --> 00:34:15,770
at BP headquarters.
623
00:34:15,771 --> 00:34:17,530
You work for BP?
624
00:34:17,531 --> 00:34:20,050
Well, BP works for me.
625
00:34:20,051 --> 00:34:22,570
It's invite only, sir. Who's next?
626
00:34:22,571 --> 00:34:24,730
No, wait.
627
00:34:24,731 --> 00:34:27,651
Silly me, here it is.
628
00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:31,410
Here's my invite.
629
00:34:31,411 --> 00:34:33,050
No, sir, that's Ј50.
630
00:34:33,051 --> 00:34:35,571
Which is half an invite.
631
00:34:37,811 --> 00:34:39,810
Look, has Heather
spoken to you at all?
632
00:34:39,811 --> 00:34:41,090
What about?
633
00:34:41,091 --> 00:34:43,251
We had an argument
and she won't return my calls.
634
00:34:43,252 --> 00:34:46,010
Yeah, funnily enough, I've
actually got better things to do
635
00:34:46,011 --> 00:34:47,531
than to sort out your
relationships with my friends.
636
00:34:47,532 --> 00:34:48,850
OK. OK, forget it.
637
00:34:48,851 --> 00:34:51,810
I got fired, by the way.
Thanks for asking.
638
00:34:51,811 --> 00:34:53,530
Fired from what?
639
00:34:53,531 --> 00:34:56,170
Vod gave me a job, then fired me.
640
00:34:56,171 --> 00:34:58,250
I'm useless, apparently.
What?
641
00:34:58,251 --> 00:35:00,170
No, of course you're not!
642
00:35:00,171 --> 00:35:03,330
You don't need to
worry about job stuff now.
643
00:35:03,331 --> 00:35:05,090
It'll all be fine.
644
00:35:05,091 --> 00:35:08,890
Yeah, well, it probably
seems like that to you, oil man!
645
00:35:08,891 --> 00:35:11,090
Your life's sorted, so...
646
00:35:11,091 --> 00:35:14,771
I'm not going to that BP thing.
I gave my invite to Howard.
647
00:35:16,270 --> 00:35:17,030
Why?
648
00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:20,069
I don't just want to take
the first thing that comes along.
649
00:35:20,070 --> 00:35:22,310
I want to experience life
first - find out who I am.
650
00:35:22,311 --> 00:35:24,029
You're a knob.
651
00:35:24,030 --> 00:35:25,589
Right, thanks - good one.
652
00:35:25,590 --> 00:35:29,669
Look - do you know how many
people under 24 are unemployed?
653
00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:32,309
About 20% - and it's only going up.
654
00:35:32,310 --> 00:35:35,109
You can't afford to
take your sweet time over this.
655
00:35:35,110 --> 00:35:39,749
When we leave this place, it's going
to be fuckin'...Darwinian out there.
656
00:35:39,750 --> 00:35:42,389
So if there's something you want,
657
00:35:42,390 --> 00:35:46,189
that you want to be part
of your future, then...
658
00:35:46,190 --> 00:35:49,029
then you have to go
after it right now.
659
00:35:49,030 --> 00:35:52,669
Otherwise... you might not
get it.
660
00:35:52,670 --> 00:35:55,309
Do you understand?
661
00:35:55,310 --> 00:35:57,310
Yeah.
662
00:36:08,190 --> 00:36:09,669
Hi.
663
00:36:09,670 --> 00:36:10,470
You didn't go?
664
00:36:10,471 --> 00:36:13,870
No, I couldn't, I was
worried about us and...
665
00:36:15,390 --> 00:36:18,029
I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm really sorry.
666
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:39,949
The whole action of drilling
for oil is very erotic.
667
00:36:39,950 --> 00:36:42,549
Completely.
668
00:36:42,550 --> 00:36:43,949
I find it erotic.
669
00:36:43,950 --> 00:36:47,109
Mmm. Must be an
amazing feeling...
670
00:36:47,110 --> 00:36:48,749
finding a gusher.
671
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:50,189
Oh, yeah.
672
00:36:50,190 --> 00:36:52,669
Yeah, it's... it's wonderful.
673
00:36:52,670 --> 00:36:56,389
I mean, I don't locate
new wells personally,
674
00:36:56,390 --> 00:36:58,669
but, yeah, it's, er...
Sorry, what's your name?
675
00:36:58,670 --> 00:36:59,469
Violet.
676
00:36:59,470 --> 00:37:01,029
Right.
677
00:37:01,030 --> 00:37:03,389
You weren't at the
careers thing, were you?
678
00:37:03,390 --> 00:37:06,309
No. I don't get up
early enough for that.
679
00:37:06,310 --> 00:37:08,190
Because you could be exactly
what we're looking for.
680
00:37:08,191 --> 00:37:10,269
Hello.
681
00:37:10,270 --> 00:37:12,549
Erm, I'm also here.
682
00:37:12,550 --> 00:37:15,389
I'm Howard. I'm with her.
683
00:37:15,390 --> 00:37:16,510
Right.
684
00:37:18,230 --> 00:37:19,909
Sorry, have we met?
685
00:37:19,910 --> 00:37:22,269
Er... Yes, erm,
686
00:37:22,270 --> 00:37:25,549
at the geology fair,
er, a guy made a comment
687
00:37:25,550 --> 00:37:30,469
about people taking up cycling
if they don't like the oil industry?
688
00:37:30,470 --> 00:37:31,190
Right, Kingsley.
689
00:37:31,191 --> 00:37:34,229
Yeah, erm, but...
690
00:37:34,230 --> 00:37:37,269
it was actually my comment.
I'd said it to him.
691
00:37:37,270 --> 00:37:40,389
I was a victim of comment theft.
692
00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:41,709
It was a good comment.
693
00:37:41,710 --> 00:37:43,229
I have got loads more...
694
00:37:43,230 --> 00:37:45,389
OK, listen, I'm
what you're looking for.
695
00:37:45,390 --> 00:37:46,469
JP, piss off!
696
00:37:46,470 --> 00:37:47,230
Excuse me?
697
00:37:47,231 --> 00:37:49,309
I can help you people.
I'm a pioneer.
698
00:37:49,310 --> 00:37:52,109
I don't give a flying fuck
about native American land rights.
699
00:37:52,110 --> 00:37:54,749
I'd drill anywhere.
I'd drill through
700
00:37:54,750 --> 00:37:57,189
an orphanage on the fucking moon!
701
00:37:57,190 --> 00:37:59,669
Seriously, you need me.
702
00:37:59,670 --> 00:38:03,269
BP need to stop saying
sorry and grow some balls.
703
00:38:03,270 --> 00:38:05,829
Well, I'm those balls.
704
00:38:05,830 --> 00:38:08,549
He thought that BP
stood for Britain Petrol.
705
00:38:08,550 --> 00:38:11,309
Yeah, and I checked the website.
I was extremely close on both words.
706
00:38:11,310 --> 00:38:13,749
OK, guys, please just calm down.
707
00:38:13,750 --> 00:38:17,069
If you're friends of Violet,
then you're friends with me.
708
00:38:17,070 --> 00:38:20,469
Ye... We are very good
friends with Violet.
709
00:38:20,470 --> 00:38:24,829
OK, so - let's get
drinks. Talk internships.
710
00:38:24,830 --> 00:38:25,590
Yes, please!
711
00:38:25,591 --> 00:38:27,030
That would be great.
712
00:38:29,750 --> 00:38:33,029
I just wanted to thank BP
713
00:38:33,030 --> 00:38:35,590
for putting on such a good spread.
714
00:38:39,710 --> 00:38:44,149
And to say well done for making
a fortune flogging something
715
00:38:44,150 --> 00:38:47,470
that occurs naturally and
therefore can't belong to anyone.
716
00:38:48,470 --> 00:38:49,990
Hear, hear!
JP, no!
717
00:38:51,670 --> 00:38:53,149
And let's hope
718
00:38:53,150 --> 00:38:56,910
there aren't any
more accidents that...
719
00:38:59,470 --> 00:39:00,909
Fuck!
720
00:39:00,910 --> 00:39:02,069
Oh, no!
721
00:39:02,070 --> 00:39:05,069
I'm so sorry,
it was just an accident!
722
00:39:05,070 --> 00:39:06,229
Oh, Jesus.
723
00:39:06,230 --> 00:39:08,469
Ignore it. Pretend
it never happened!
724
00:39:08,470 --> 00:39:10,509
Call security! Get her out of here!
725
00:39:10,510 --> 00:39:12,230
Actually, we don't
know her that well.
726
00:39:12,231 --> 00:39:16,790
Carry on stuffing your faces with
sausages. Ignore the oil spill!
727
00:39:19,550 --> 00:39:21,430
Who is she? Do you know
her? I don't know her.
728
00:39:21,431 --> 00:39:23,029
Get rid of these two as well!
729
00:39:23,030 --> 00:39:24,310
Vod!
730
00:39:35,371 --> 00:39:36,971
That is too loud!
731
00:39:49,163 --> 00:39:50,602
I made pancakes!
732
00:39:50,603 --> 00:39:54,123
Someone come and eat
one of my fuckin' pancakes!
733
00:39:55,243 --> 00:39:57,283
I will have a pancake!
55107
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