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1
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:12,840
So great to be here, man.
Exeter was shit to be honest.
2
00:00:12,875 --> 00:00:17,420
There was loads of "Rah, rah, rah"
type geezers you know?
3
00:00:17,455 --> 00:00:19,905
Oh man, tell me about it,
I hate those geezers!
4
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:23,980
It is literally impossible to
spend more than a 20 in here.
5
00:00:26,020 --> 00:00:29,740
Now, listen, young Padawan, there
are things that I must teach you
6
00:00:29,775 --> 00:00:32,940
if you are to succeed here
in the land of the �2 pint.
7
00:00:32,975 --> 00:00:34,980
The cheat codes for North of Hendon?
8
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:39,620
You see, the Northerner is trusting
and loyal, like a gun dog.
9
00:00:39,655 --> 00:00:43,060
But when riled become
mistrustful and easily confused,
10
00:00:43,095 --> 00:00:45,660
like a sort of angry hen.
11
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:52,185
Now, you must also
learn their tongue.
12
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:58,060
'Owt' is any, 'nowt' is none,
'ta' is thanks, 'mint' is good,
13
00:00:58,095 --> 00:01:00,985
'tea' is supper, 'dinner' is lunch,
14
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:05,540
a 'barm cake' is a sort of bap,
a 'bap' is a tit
15
00:01:05,575 --> 00:01:09,145
and a 'tit'... is a tit.
16
00:01:09,180 --> 00:01:12,020
Now the Northerner is a
friendly sort by nature,
17
00:01:12,055 --> 00:01:14,860
but will become irascible
if they feel taunted.
18
00:01:14,895 --> 00:01:16,785
So until you have
ascertained their level,
19
00:01:16,820 --> 00:01:19,580
it's very important to pretend
to be one of their own.
20
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:24,740
Alright, our kid, will you take us
down Withington for a quid?
21
00:01:24,775 --> 00:01:26,825
JP, is he a cabby?
22
00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:31,900
They're all cabbies in the north,
Giles, for a price!
23
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:20,065
Kingston on Thames! What up K-dubs,
you came back!
24
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:23,540
For every action there is an equal
and opposite reaction, JP.
25
00:02:23,575 --> 00:02:26,980
Yeah, pussyman, I think some muff's
got stuck on your chin.
26
00:02:27,015 --> 00:02:30,220
What, this old thing?
I've always had this, haven't I?
27
00:02:30,255 --> 00:02:32,017
No.
28
00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:35,945
I get it. You're peacocking.
29
00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:38,620
Billy Goat Muff. New term, new image.
30
00:02:38,655 --> 00:02:41,260
I'm just letting it do its thing.
31
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,300
A thing is as a thing does.
32
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,980
That's that. This is one of those.
That carries on up there.
33
00:02:51,015 --> 00:02:55,140
Don't know what that does.
In there's what you'd think.
34
00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,025
That's fucked.
35
00:02:58,060 --> 00:03:01,900
This makes a weird noise but if you
smack it - it stops for a bit.
36
00:03:01,935 --> 00:03:04,700
This doesn't close.
That doesn't open.
37
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:10,500
It always smells like that up here.
And this would be yours.
38
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:18,940
Free meat? Perks of the job.
39
00:03:18,975 --> 00:03:20,905
Your 'job'?
40
00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:24,025
Yeah, I'm part-time
at the abattoir now.
41
00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:28,580
Abattoir. How surprising.
Yeah, what actually is it?
42
00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:36,380
It's from animals and that!
43
00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:39,065
But which?
44
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,180
Oh, hark at the gourmand. I dunno.
45
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:45,820
Little bit of this,
little bit of that. Grab a handful.
46
00:03:45,855 --> 00:03:49,740
Fry it up. Meatabix.
47
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:53,865
Hello, losers! Everyone, Heather.
Heather - everyone.
48
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,540
We met on practical week,
she's a mental dental, my new bezzie
49
00:03:57,575 --> 00:03:58,780
AND we're forming a clique.
50
00:03:58,815 --> 00:04:00,225
A clique?
51
00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:04,300
Yeah, we'll be forming an in-group
and ridiculing outsiders.
52
00:04:04,335 --> 00:04:05,580
Hey, Josie.
53
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:10,625
Oh? You're back?
54
00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:13,585
Yeah, just Newtonian. You know.
55
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,940
Right. Is there something wrong
with your face?
56
00:04:16,975 --> 00:04:18,500
I'm just letting it do its thing.
57
00:04:18,535 --> 00:04:20,540
A thing is as a thing does.
58
00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:26,200
Look, I just wanted to say,
New term, clean slate?
59
00:04:26,235 --> 00:04:30,500
I've got a new mate,
you've got a new... that, and...
60
00:04:30,535 --> 00:04:32,740
It's cool, honey.
61
00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:35,465
'Honey'?
62
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,980
We don't need a new slate. There's
nothing wrong with the old slate.
63
00:04:39,015 --> 00:04:42,425
Everything just is what it is
so why stress anything?
64
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:45,020
Are you all right, Kingsley?
Have you, have you had a fall?
65
00:04:45,055 --> 00:04:46,777
I've always yo'd.
66
00:04:46,812 --> 00:04:48,465
No, you haven't.
67
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,060
I'm off to see Professor Shales,
how do I look?
68
00:04:51,095 --> 00:04:55,100
Hot. What? It's a scientific fact.
69
00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:01,020
Right. This is, er, Sabine,
she's here about the room.
70
00:05:01,055 --> 00:05:02,300
Sabine - everyone.
71
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,180
Hello. Yes. Now I
would like to check
72
00:05:05,215 --> 00:05:06,860
your water
pressure and smoke alarms.
73
00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:11,780
Go crazy.
74
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:14,985
'The room'?
75
00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:17,705
Yeah. Paul Lamb, the Invisible Man,
moved out over Christmas.
76
00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:21,100
Unless we get someone new by the end of
the week, our rent goes up a hundred quid.
77
00:05:21,135 --> 00:05:24,580
I saw her in the Union
looking at room ads.
78
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,225
She looked like a human.
79
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:30,500
No way. We'll just all pay extra.
We don't need a newbie.
80
00:05:30,535 --> 00:05:34,740
Let's just turn the upstairs
room into a massive bong.
81
00:05:34,775 --> 00:05:36,220
I'm not paying extra. Bong.
82
00:05:36,255 --> 00:05:37,100
We should advertise.
83
00:05:37,135 --> 00:05:38,185
Bong!
84
00:05:38,220 --> 00:05:38,940
We should interview.
85
00:05:38,975 --> 00:05:39,945
Bong!
86
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:43,820
So the water pressure seems OK but
you seem to have a problem
87
00:05:43,855 --> 00:05:47,660
with vermin. If you can murder
the vermin I will consider you.
88
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,420
Bong.
89
00:06:04,380 --> 00:06:05,660
'Oregon'?
90
00:06:05,695 --> 00:06:07,345
Hi.
91
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:11,940
Thank you for applying for the
internship at Rombus. Take a seat.
92
00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:16,625
So. Tell me a little about yourself.
93
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:24,380
Er. Well, we met, obviously,
you remember me from the, erm...
94
00:06:24,415 --> 00:06:28,625
From the fucking my husband? Yes.
95
00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:31,480
No, I was thinking more why
I should pick you to help me
96
00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:34,847
launch a literary press which is
going to be so highbrow the
97
00:06:34,882 --> 00:06:38,180
readers are going to resemble
Dan Ackroyd's famous 'Coneheads'?
98
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:43,740
Right, erm, OK, erm, lots,
lots of reasons, um...
99
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:48,980
It's all over, by the way.
100
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:54,740
I know. Tony tried to climb in through
the conservatory over Christmas.
101
00:06:54,775 --> 00:06:56,145
Oh, Jesus.
102
00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:59,180
Yeah, he called me,
he was in a bit of a bad way.
103
00:06:59,215 --> 00:07:00,860
He put his foot through a pane.
104
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:04,220
I bandaged him up and let him
come for lunch.
105
00:07:04,255 --> 00:07:06,425
Oh. Good.
106
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:10,540
I'm with Lyle now so it was very,
very difficult for Tony.
107
00:07:10,575 --> 00:07:13,380
We played an extremely
aggressive game of Boggle
108
00:07:13,415 --> 00:07:15,380
and called it a night.
109
00:07:15,415 --> 00:07:16,437
So?
110
00:07:16,472 --> 00:07:17,460
Yes.
111
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:24,985
I just wanted to say,
112
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:29,185
I'll be the best intern you've ever,
ever, ever had.
113
00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:33,100
Cut me, Professor Shales, and I bleed the
dream of a powerhouse of contemporary verse
114
00:07:33,135 --> 00:07:36,517
that links not only with the ivory
tower, but the working man
115
00:07:36,552 --> 00:07:39,900
with his Xbox or the shopwoman
in her soiled night clothes.
116
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:44,500
Well, I'll put you on the shortlist
with all the candidates who
117
00:07:44,535 --> 00:07:47,900
haven't humped the hubby
and we'll take it from there, good?
118
00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:02,420
So the plan is, we smoke the bong
until we have two bongs.
119
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:11,460
The bong - or Bong One and then a
second bong, the room - or Bong Two.
120
00:08:11,495 --> 00:08:13,905
So you take a hit from the bong...
121
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:16,460
And then, you think, "Relief."
But no.
122
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:19,265
Bang, room bong.
123
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:20,825
And that's when - poo-tang,
124
00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:25,100
you get hit by the original bong,
Bong One, the actual bong, again.
125
00:08:25,135 --> 00:08:28,100
Bong! Hah!
126
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,380
I have no desire to give my body
a massive chemical insult
127
00:08:32,415 --> 00:08:34,545
this evening, thank-you.
128
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,660
If you're not going to smoke
the bong, then why are you in here?
129
00:08:37,695 --> 00:08:39,105
Because it's warmer in here.
130
00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:41,740
Due to all the body heat you lot are
so wantonly giving away.
131
00:08:41,775 --> 00:08:45,740
If we get high enough
we generally have an orgy.
132
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,020
We generally don't.
133
00:08:48,055 --> 00:08:50,185
We might.
134
00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:52,980
It's impossible to predict what
might happen in the bong room.
135
00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:57,740
Cock-Cat can make people
incredibly horny.
136
00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:00,265
Interesting work.
137
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:04,100
Have you ever attempted a fifth
penis emanating from the tail?
138
00:09:04,135 --> 00:09:05,940
What a brilliant idea.
139
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:12,660
Yes! A tail cock.
140
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:19,580
Erm, yes, so, I don't want to
stick my oar in, and you know,
141
00:09:19,615 --> 00:09:21,737
you're a woman in your own
right, it's just...
142
00:09:21,772 --> 00:09:25,936
It's OK. You can speak freely
within the clique.
143
00:09:25,971 --> 00:09:30,100
The Posho. JP. Sort of,
been there, done that.
144
00:09:30,135 --> 00:09:33,065
Oh. So. Hands off?
145
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:37,740
God, no. No, no. It's just -
it's not that he's a shithead.
146
00:09:37,775 --> 00:09:39,300
It's more that he's a - dickhead.
147
00:09:39,335 --> 00:09:42,265
Yeah.
148
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:45,220
My house. A bit of a mess.
149
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,065
We're back!
150
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:49,465
We're just doing the advert.
151
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,020
Ok, good! Er,
let's draw up a list of criteria!
152
00:09:52,055 --> 00:09:52,785
Cool and hot.
153
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:54,705
Not too hot. Life's hard enough.
154
00:09:54,740 --> 00:10:02,220
Just put - "If you like to fuck, then
come and suck on our heroin stick."
155
00:10:02,255 --> 00:10:03,545
No.
156
00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:05,265
It's not a bad start.
157
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,425
All we want is someone
clean and fun.
158
00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:12,500
So put... "Vodka by night, anti-bacterial
mouthwash by morning" as the headline?
159
00:10:12,535 --> 00:10:15,940
Look, forget about your shitty ad.
160
00:10:15,975 --> 00:10:17,545
Hey!
161
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:19,745
Call off the hunt.
Stop all the clocks.
162
00:10:19,780 --> 00:10:21,940
If you want a roomie,
I've got you a roomie.
163
00:10:21,975 --> 00:10:23,860
Giles. Giles will move in.
164
00:10:23,895 --> 00:10:25,457
Who's Giles?
165
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:26,985
He's a Stoic.
166
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:30,540
Like me, he subscribes to the
teachings of the philosopher Zeno?
167
00:10:30,575 --> 00:10:32,625
No, Howard! He went to Stowe with me.
168
00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:37,020
Look, Giles will just crash here,
whilst he finds himself a place.
169
00:10:37,055 --> 00:10:39,237
Hmm, 'Giles' from 'Stowe'?
170
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,385
No. I don't think so, JP.
171
00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:42,545
Sorry, that doesn't sound cool.
172
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:45,580
You haven't even met him,
he's an amazing laugh.
173
00:10:45,615 --> 00:10:48,100
He once pulled
a moonie on Leaver's Eve
174
00:10:48,135 --> 00:10:49,745
while smoking three Marly Lights.
175
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:52,940
We've already got one JP,
we don't need another one.
176
00:10:52,975 --> 00:10:54,985
Erm, we don't want a posh top
floor.
177
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,580
Listen, 'Melissa', just
because Giles is a little bit posh,
178
00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,620
doesn't necessarily mean he's not
a bloody good bloke.
179
00:11:00,655 --> 00:11:02,225
What sort of posh?
180
00:11:02,260 --> 00:11:04,620
Is he more Cunty Sykes
or Racist Ralph, would you say?
181
00:11:04,655 --> 00:11:06,225
Ralph is not racist!
182
00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:11,740
You know, if anything, you're the
racists. The worst kind of racists.
183
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:14,980
Money racists.
184
00:11:15,015 --> 00:11:16,265
Sorry?
185
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,260
Yeah, being rich is a race too.
186
00:11:18,295 --> 00:11:19,185
No, it's not.
187
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,945
I dunno,
they do all look kind of the same?
188
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:25,740
Are you seriously
saying that something that I want
189
00:11:25,775 --> 00:11:27,900
isn't going to happen because of you?
190
00:11:39,546 --> 00:11:41,631
Are you grabbing lunch after?
191
00:11:41,666 --> 00:11:47,146
Yeah. Er, although actually that
reminds me. Can I borrow some notes?
192
00:11:47,181 --> 00:11:48,671
Yeah, yeah - 20 quid?
193
00:11:48,706 --> 00:11:52,106
Er, actually I was thinking
more like 180?
194
00:11:54,306 --> 00:11:57,466
Erm... yeah?
195
00:11:57,501 --> 00:11:58,911
Yeah?
196
00:11:58,946 --> 00:12:00,511
It's just I've spunked my RAF money,
197
00:12:00,546 --> 00:12:02,786
I'm about to hit my overdraft
like an angry bastard.
198
00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:05,551
But I've got a cheque
coming on Tuesday.
199
00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:08,306
OK, yeah, great. 180.
I'll go to a cashpoint.
200
00:12:10,226 --> 00:12:13,906
Back to the scene of the crime.
Good holidays, I trust?
201
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,306
I have to say, I missed you all
tremendously...
202
00:12:16,341 --> 00:12:18,643
when I attempted to remember
your names.
203
00:12:18,678 --> 00:12:20,911
So, apologies for
the last-minute email,
204
00:12:20,946 --> 00:12:24,786
but what did everyone think of your
holiday reading, Autumn Feelings?
205
00:12:24,821 --> 00:12:25,791
I didn't read it.
206
00:12:25,826 --> 00:12:29,146
Well maybe you should have read it,
because it's your coursework.
207
00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:32,391
It's basically a self-help book.
208
00:12:32,426 --> 00:12:36,266
It's a rather incredible
selection of reflections on love
209
00:12:36,301 --> 00:12:38,191
across the generations.
210
00:12:38,226 --> 00:12:40,946
I thought we were meant to be
studying The Grapes of Wrath?
211
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,791
I see.
212
00:12:43,826 --> 00:12:47,426
Are you all afraid
of having your minds opened up?
213
00:12:47,461 --> 00:12:49,831
Ah, you prefer your little boxes?
214
00:12:49,866 --> 00:12:52,826
Black goes with black,
white with white, girl with boy,
215
00:12:52,861 --> 00:12:54,711
48-year-old with 48-year-old?
216
00:12:54,746 --> 00:12:58,471
There's a world beyond
the curriculum, you know.
217
00:12:58,506 --> 00:13:02,626
A world beyond the conventional world
you're all so desperate to inhabit
218
00:13:02,661 --> 00:13:06,706
where everything is wild and free.
219
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,346
The world...
220
00:13:11,906 --> 00:13:13,906
...of Autumn Feelings.
221
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,191
So, you did Posho and Soul Patch?
222
00:13:21,226 --> 00:13:24,466
Yeah, it was a weird term.
I was drinking a lot of Red Bull.
223
00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:26,906
But you definitely don't like
either of them?
224
00:13:26,941 --> 00:13:28,751
What? No! God.
225
00:13:28,786 --> 00:13:31,586
I mean, Patch Adams is like,
"Oh, let's listen to Ed Sheeran
226
00:13:31,621 --> 00:13:34,243
"and talk about our feelings
cos I'm so much like a virgin
227
00:13:34,278 --> 00:13:36,866
"I actually am one,"
but really he's just an arsehole.
228
00:13:37,986 --> 00:13:39,071
Same again?
229
00:13:39,106 --> 00:13:42,706
So what did everyone
think about Liam?
230
00:13:42,741 --> 00:13:44,023
Who's Liam?
231
00:13:44,058 --> 00:13:45,271
For the room.
232
00:13:45,306 --> 00:13:47,466
The man who I think is my friend
from the abattoir.
233
00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:49,551
You "think" he's your friend?
234
00:13:49,586 --> 00:13:52,746
Well, we sit together
at lunch but we don't talk.
235
00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:54,391
He's the quiet type.
236
00:13:54,426 --> 00:13:57,586
Was he the one who walked the house
in a kind of intense silence?
237
00:13:57,621 --> 00:13:58,831
Very wiry?
238
00:13:58,866 --> 00:14:00,831
Exactly. He's ideal.
239
00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:04,031
He's wiry and quiet and efficient.
240
00:14:04,066 --> 00:14:07,866
Hmm. "New housemate requested.
Wiry stealthy psychopath preferred."
241
00:14:07,901 --> 00:14:09,306
Giles?
242
00:14:10,226 --> 00:14:11,791
Sabine?
243
00:14:11,826 --> 00:14:14,166
What, that mental Dutch woman
in her 40s?
244
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,471
How come you love Sabine
all of a sudden?
245
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:20,026
Vod told her that we pay all
the rent to her - in cash.
246
00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:22,586
She's gonna be my beer bitch.
247
00:14:22,621 --> 00:14:23,711
Great
248
00:14:23,746 --> 00:14:25,311
Oh, my God, this is amazing!
249
00:14:25,346 --> 00:14:28,306
Jean wants me to pick up
De Valencis...
250
00:14:28,341 --> 00:14:30,706
the poet - from the airport!
251
00:14:30,741 --> 00:14:32,911
Oh. It's at 6.30am.
252
00:14:32,946 --> 00:14:35,511
You're Jean's poetry bitch.
253
00:14:35,546 --> 00:14:38,306
What about Heather?
She's dying to move out of halls
254
00:14:38,341 --> 00:14:39,711
and is a really great laugh.
255
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:44,226
Today, in class, we had
this demonstration model
256
00:14:44,261 --> 00:14:47,146
and she switched
the molars and premolars!
257
00:14:50,746 --> 00:14:54,111
How come Josie's allowed to have
a friend move in but I'm not?
258
00:14:54,146 --> 00:14:58,346
And look, the thing about Giles is
that he's not even that posh, so...
259
00:14:58,381 --> 00:14:59,831
Jay Penis!
260
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:02,986
Toga! Toga! Toga!
261
00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:14,146
Great work with the glass fillage.
All pillage, no spillage.
262
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,031
Sorry, I don't speak posh.
263
00:15:16,066 --> 00:15:19,346
Well, welcome to your first
Bante-natal class.
264
00:15:19,381 --> 00:15:22,146
I'm your tutor - Bantonio Banteras.
265
00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:38,426
Can you not wear your coat
at breakfast, Howard?
266
00:15:38,461 --> 00:15:39,751
Why?
267
00:15:39,786 --> 00:15:41,546
It's covered in stuff.
268
00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:43,306
It's covered in reality.
269
00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:50,786
Is everything all right
down the abattoir?
270
00:15:50,821 --> 00:15:53,586
Oh yeah. Another good night shift.
271
00:15:54,946 --> 00:15:56,911
On my own in the red room
for most of it.
272
00:15:56,946 --> 00:15:59,666
It's just, you look like you've seen
the slaughter at Helm's Deep.
273
00:15:59,701 --> 00:16:00,831
I'm sorry?
274
00:16:00,866 --> 00:16:02,626
Sauron, Lord of the Rings?
275
00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:04,386
Never read it, never seen it.
276
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:05,191
Fuck off.
277
00:16:05,226 --> 00:16:06,751
Why do people always assume
278
00:16:06,786 --> 00:16:09,706
I have an intimate knowledge
of made-up beasties?!
279
00:16:09,741 --> 00:16:11,991
Morning!
280
00:16:12,026 --> 00:16:14,946
Oh... Morning!
281
00:16:16,426 --> 00:16:17,786
You stayed over then?
282
00:16:17,821 --> 00:16:19,191
Yeah!
283
00:16:19,226 --> 00:16:21,786
In JP's room?
I didn't hear anything.
284
00:16:21,821 --> 00:16:23,906
JP? Oh, no way.
285
00:16:28,426 --> 00:16:32,431
Er, Heather, do you want
a... a coffee?
286
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:35,886
Or a portion of mashed tissue
sweepings all fried up
287
00:16:35,921 --> 00:16:39,306
Well, I ought to go back
to my place and change so...
288
00:16:39,341 --> 00:16:42,003
Ok... then.
289
00:16:42,038 --> 00:16:44,666
Er... thank you.
290
00:16:46,866 --> 00:16:48,426
Thank... thank you.
291
00:16:51,426 --> 00:16:52,866
And farewell!
292
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,306
See you in Clinical Skills, mate.
293
00:16:57,341 --> 00:16:59,146
See you then... mate.
294
00:17:14,306 --> 00:17:16,446
Mega Toga!
295
00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:20,386
Toga Maximus.
296
00:17:20,421 --> 00:17:22,186
Toga Togisimus.
297
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,026
Vino Veritas.
298
00:17:25,061 --> 00:17:26,543
Nota Bene.
299
00:17:29,066 --> 00:17:32,671
Oh, dude.
I think I might take a shower.
300
00:17:32,706 --> 00:17:35,391
Oh, word of warning on the water
pressure, boy...
301
00:17:35,426 --> 00:17:38,706
that thing's flow is as weak
as a sucker MC with adenoids.
302
00:17:38,741 --> 00:17:40,426
You need a power shower, man.
303
00:17:42,198 --> 00:17:43,831
What?
304
00:17:43,866 --> 00:17:45,506
Power showers.
305
00:17:46,786 --> 00:17:48,551
Like in Walpole?
306
00:17:48,586 --> 00:17:51,146
Oh, fuck. I'd forgotten.
307
00:17:51,181 --> 00:17:53,671
Probably for the best!
308
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:57,226
I mean it was all dorm rules.
"No speaky, no squeaky."
309
00:17:57,261 --> 00:17:59,346
"He shoots, he scores!"
310
00:18:01,786 --> 00:18:05,346
Ah. Bloody hell. Strange days.
311
00:18:05,381 --> 00:18:07,191
Well...
312
00:18:07,226 --> 00:18:08,826
it was fun, though, wasn't it?
313
00:18:10,146 --> 00:18:13,586
Yeah, fun... if you're a bender!
314
00:18:13,621 --> 00:18:16,031
Yeah. Yeah...
315
00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:20,146
Oh, come on. I know it was only power
showers and it was all dorm rules,
316
00:18:20,181 --> 00:18:22,663
but if you think about it,
it was a bit fucking gay!
317
00:18:22,698 --> 00:18:25,146
Yeah. Don't... You know,
there's no need to be...
318
00:18:25,181 --> 00:18:26,586
Oh, don't be a homo!
319
00:18:26,621 --> 00:18:29,031
Well, JP, er...
320
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,786
the thing is, mate, erm...
321
00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:32,946
I am a homo.
322
00:18:34,866 --> 00:18:36,186
Ahhh - gaylord!
323
00:18:36,221 --> 00:18:37,471
Seriously, man.
324
00:18:37,506 --> 00:18:39,706
Don't bend me, queeroid!
325
00:18:39,741 --> 00:18:40,751
I am! I'm, I'm gay.
326
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,506
Stop saying it, you'll turn gay!
327
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:43,911
Well, I am gay.
328
00:18:43,946 --> 00:18:46,191
Yeah. Well... I'm gay too!
329
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:49,946
Yeah! I'm glad to be gay.
What a gay day!
330
00:18:49,981 --> 00:18:52,471
Yeah, I'm actually gay, though.
331
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,146
Dude, this one is getting
kind of old now.
332
00:18:55,181 --> 00:18:57,746
Yeah, I'm gay, JP. I like men.
333
00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:02,746
What?!
334
00:19:04,306 --> 00:19:06,866
You don't actually mean you are gay?
335
00:19:06,901 --> 00:19:09,383
Yes. I'm gay.
336
00:19:09,418 --> 00:19:11,882
Fuck. Seriously?
337
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,311
Yeah. I'm gay.
338
00:19:14,346 --> 00:19:15,666
I've always been gay.
339
00:19:17,226 --> 00:19:18,831
The power showers...
340
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,106
The power showers weren't gay.
341
00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:21,346
What, wanking each other off?
342
00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:22,751
Don't say it!
343
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,111
Dude, no need to say it!
344
00:19:25,146 --> 00:19:30,146
It's OK, JP. For you it was just a
stage, for me it was the whole deal.
345
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:38,426
Ugh. "Farewell."
346
00:19:38,461 --> 00:19:39,706
Jesus.
347
00:19:42,946 --> 00:19:44,551
I liked the hand shake.
348
00:19:44,586 --> 00:19:47,426
The reassuring handshake
of completed sexual union.
349
00:19:48,626 --> 00:19:50,746
Weird one. I was just so drunk.
350
00:19:50,781 --> 00:19:52,866
Oh, you don't have to... It's fine.
351
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:53,751
Why wouldn't it be fine?
352
00:19:53,786 --> 00:19:54,946
It wouldn't. That's why
I said it's fine.
353
00:19:54,981 --> 00:19:56,643
OK.
354
00:19:56,678 --> 00:19:58,271
Great.
355
00:19:58,306 --> 00:20:00,306
Yeah, it was no a biggie, anyway.
It was just a... a thing.
356
00:20:00,341 --> 00:20:01,786
Yeah.
357
00:20:03,346 --> 00:20:06,066
She's had her man meat,
she's moving on.
358
00:20:06,101 --> 00:20:08,111
Man meat?
359
00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:11,946
"Where do I get my platter
of man meat tonight?"
360
00:20:11,981 --> 00:20:13,066
she's always saying.
361
00:20:13,101 --> 00:20:14,883
Right.
362
00:20:14,918 --> 00:20:16,631
Yeah?
363
00:20:19,741 --> 00:20:21,443
Heather.
364
00:20:21,478 --> 00:20:22,892
What?
365
00:20:22,927 --> 00:20:24,271
Nothing.
366
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,146
Go on. I can take it.
367
00:20:26,181 --> 00:20:27,951
Er, just sort of...
368
00:20:27,986 --> 00:20:30,966
"Good quarter pounder of man meat
last night,
369
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:33,946
"want to help me look
for a half pound tonight?'"
370
00:20:35,946 --> 00:20:37,471
That girl!
371
00:20:37,506 --> 00:20:39,871
Erm, has anybody got a massive
bottle of Tipp-Ex?
372
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:43,886
I'm painting over Cock-Cat.
I don't know why I drew it.
373
00:20:43,921 --> 00:20:47,866
I mean, no-one wants to see that,
do they? Five penises.
374
00:20:47,901 --> 00:20:49,586
Why did I even draw that?
375
00:20:49,621 --> 00:20:50,946
I don't know.
376
00:20:50,981 --> 00:20:52,506
Exactly.
377
00:21:04,816 --> 00:21:07,536
Yeah, so I was just
wondering if it was a problem
378
00:21:07,571 --> 00:21:09,501
if I got back that "cashola"?
379
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,496
Not being a hard-ass
or anything but I...
380
00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:13,633
I actually wanted to
talk to you about that.
381
00:21:13,668 --> 00:21:15,701
You know, it's a weird one,
the cheque did come
382
00:21:15,736 --> 00:21:18,261
but not as a cheque -
as a postal order cos Dave hasn't
383
00:21:18,296 --> 00:21:22,056
got an account but it's better
you know cos, you know, it's there?
384
00:21:22,091 --> 00:21:23,421
Oh - good?
385
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:24,781
But now, Mike, who owed it,
386
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:28,536
I fucked his moped for him in June. I
mean, he thought it was but it wasn't.
387
00:21:28,571 --> 00:21:29,541
Insured? Exactly.
388
00:21:29,576 --> 00:21:33,856
So now I have to pony up half, and his other
half is on a power key of our mate's so,
389
00:21:33,891 --> 00:21:38,136
when that's sweet-get the nectar points
and it's bare cash all round. Is that cool?
390
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:40,736
Er, yeah. I guess, yeah.
Totally, that's...
391
00:21:40,771 --> 00:21:41,513
Cool!
392
00:21:41,548 --> 00:21:42,221
Oregon?
393
00:21:42,256 --> 00:21:45,501
Jean? Hi. So sorry I was late.
394
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:48,656
De Valencis was quite insistent
that we drive past Paul Scholes's
395
00:21:48,691 --> 00:21:50,793
house and honk the horn...
396
00:21:50,828 --> 00:21:52,861
He's delighted. I'm delighted.
397
00:21:52,896 --> 00:21:56,776
Oregon, I'd like you to help me
launch Rhombus Literary Press.
398
00:21:56,811 --> 00:21:58,816
Yes!
399
00:22:00,096 --> 00:22:02,176
Oh, you will not regret this, Jean.
400
00:22:02,211 --> 00:22:03,896
Oregon? What are you...?
401
00:22:06,296 --> 00:22:07,616
Can I grab a word?
402
00:22:08,776 --> 00:22:09,896
She's all yours.
403
00:22:11,576 --> 00:22:13,416
Yes. It's just about
your attendance.
404
00:22:13,451 --> 00:22:15,353
You missed this morning's lecture.
405
00:22:15,388 --> 00:22:17,221
Yeah. Sorry. I couldn't make it.
406
00:22:17,256 --> 00:22:21,916
Right. So you openly admit to having
missed a scheduled lecture?
407
00:22:21,951 --> 00:22:26,523
Oh, Tony, I picked up De Valencis
from the airport for Jean.
408
00:22:26,558 --> 00:22:31,096
I can't just turn a blind eye
to non-attendance, you know.
409
00:22:31,131 --> 00:22:32,593
This is a serious matter.
410
00:22:32,628 --> 00:22:33,942
Och! I missed one lecture!
411
00:22:33,977 --> 00:22:35,221
You missed two in November.
412
00:22:35,256 --> 00:22:38,341
I was in Buxton with you in November!
413
00:22:38,376 --> 00:22:41,376
I'm minded to refer you to
the disciplinary council.
414
00:22:41,411 --> 00:22:44,776
This could all go very
badly for you.
415
00:22:45,816 --> 00:22:49,581
Unless we can come to
a satisfactory conclusion.
416
00:22:49,616 --> 00:22:52,776
Are you trying to blackmail me
into having sex with you?
417
00:22:52,811 --> 00:22:54,633
What a terrible thing to say!
418
00:22:54,668 --> 00:22:56,421
You raised your eyebrows!
419
00:22:56,456 --> 00:22:59,376
Even if I did - which I didn't -
eyebrows don't mean sex.
420
00:22:59,411 --> 00:23:01,421
Tony, we're over.
421
00:23:01,456 --> 00:23:04,416
We can't be over if we're not.
If a thing continues, it is.
422
00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:07,616
Therefore. I am and - we are.
423
00:23:08,736 --> 00:23:10,616
Yeah, I want you to delete
my number from your phone.
424
00:23:10,651 --> 00:23:13,021
Fine, I can delete your number.
425
00:23:13,056 --> 00:23:16,736
Because it's branded
into my heart anyway.
426
00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:20,381
So. Jean.
You've traded up. Switched horses.
427
00:23:20,416 --> 00:23:22,916
It's nothing personal,
I just want to make something
428
00:23:22,951 --> 00:23:25,416
of my time here and I'm passionate
about poetry.
429
00:23:25,451 --> 00:23:26,896
I know you are!
430
00:23:26,931 --> 00:23:28,141
Fuck.
431
00:23:28,176 --> 00:23:31,416
I used to read you ee Cummings while
you rested your head on my naked chest
432
00:23:31,451 --> 00:23:34,381
and we'd both weep and those were
the best days of my life.
433
00:23:34,416 --> 00:23:38,776
Yeah. Thanks. Ooh, I'd better go
cos I want to get a baked potato
434
00:23:38,811 --> 00:23:41,736
and if you go late then you get
the really hard ones.
435
00:24:03,056 --> 00:24:07,416
So has he...
said anything you know, about me
436
00:24:07,451 --> 00:24:09,581
and the other night?
437
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:13,696
What, Kingsley?
Erm... no, not really.
438
00:24:13,731 --> 00:24:15,736
Oh. OK.
439
00:24:17,136 --> 00:24:18,581
Do you like him?
440
00:24:18,616 --> 00:24:21,736
I don't know.
He's... I don't know about him.
441
00:24:21,771 --> 00:24:23,176
What do you think?
442
00:24:25,656 --> 00:24:28,376
You do know his nickname's
"the Pussyman", don't you?
443
00:24:28,411 --> 00:24:29,621
Really?
444
00:24:29,656 --> 00:24:32,501
Yeah. There's two sides to him.
445
00:24:32,536 --> 00:24:37,061
He's Russell Brand on the inside
and Russell Grant on the outside.
446
00:24:37,096 --> 00:24:40,196
Comes over all sensitive and happy
to talk about horoscopes, but really
447
00:24:40,231 --> 00:24:43,296
he just wants to fuck you, chuck you
and gloat about it to your granddad.
448
00:24:44,536 --> 00:24:49,016
I mean, did he say anything about me
after or...?
449
00:24:49,051 --> 00:24:50,656
I don't know, I can't remember.
450
00:24:50,691 --> 00:24:52,101
Go on.
451
00:24:52,136 --> 00:24:57,221
Erm maybe something like...
"Guess I'll start
452
00:24:57,256 --> 00:25:00,976
"looking for a new hairy parking
space for the old cockmobile."
453
00:25:02,576 --> 00:25:06,861
Something like that.
Maybe not exactly that...
454
00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:10,496
You know what, that
was my one thing, is he a bit wet?
455
00:25:11,816 --> 00:25:12,701
What?
456
00:25:12,736 --> 00:25:15,776
I like a challenge. I know it's stupid,
but I do like a bit of a bastard.
457
00:25:15,811 --> 00:25:16,981
Really?
458
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:21,056
I know, I know it's a bit of a cliche
but I do, that's just what I like.
459
00:25:31,776 --> 00:25:33,656
JP.
460
00:25:33,691 --> 00:25:35,333
Thanks.
461
00:25:35,368 --> 00:25:36,976
Howard.
462
00:25:38,016 --> 00:25:39,736
Thanks, Giles.
463
00:25:39,771 --> 00:25:41,456
Nae bother.
464
00:25:44,736 --> 00:25:48,816
So, not to be uncool, we need to
call a house meeting about the room.
465
00:25:48,851 --> 00:25:52,696
Phew. Well, I guess Heather's
the frontrunner.
466
00:25:52,731 --> 00:25:53,701
Yeah?
467
00:25:53,736 --> 00:25:57,736
But you know what, Giles is actually
a pretty decent bloke.
468
00:25:57,771 --> 00:25:59,393
He is surprisingly all right.
469
00:25:59,428 --> 00:26:01,016
He's incredibly all right.
470
00:26:01,051 --> 00:26:02,141
I better split.
471
00:26:02,176 --> 00:26:07,216
The 'rents are coming up to help me
look for a place. So erm, see you later.
472
00:26:07,251 --> 00:26:08,993
Hey, Giles, erm...
473
00:26:09,028 --> 00:26:10,736
Got something for you.
474
00:26:12,096 --> 00:26:14,781
Offcuts from the abattoir.
475
00:26:14,816 --> 00:26:18,456
It's the meat they don't sell.
Erm, it's loose.
476
00:26:18,491 --> 00:26:20,421
It's jazz meat.
477
00:26:20,456 --> 00:26:23,781
It's not all tubed up like the other
meat, it's just relaxing,
478
00:26:23,816 --> 00:26:27,976
doing its own thing, it doesn't need
anyone telling it what shape to be.
479
00:26:28,011 --> 00:26:32,181
Oh, OK, that's, that's cool.
480
00:26:32,216 --> 00:26:35,376
The good thing is, it's so
processed you hardly need to chew.
481
00:26:35,411 --> 00:26:36,741
It's melt in the mouth.
482
00:26:36,776 --> 00:26:40,616
And there's a lot more
where that came from.
483
00:26:40,651 --> 00:26:42,456
OK, thanks.
484
00:26:48,696 --> 00:26:50,456
Jamester.
485
00:26:52,976 --> 00:26:55,496
Laters, guys.
486
00:26:57,176 --> 00:26:59,256
Great, Howard. We almost
had a wicked new housemate.
487
00:26:59,291 --> 00:27:01,981
And free meat will seal the deal.
488
00:27:02,016 --> 00:27:03,781
I mean, it's cool,
because, you know,
489
00:27:03,816 --> 00:27:08,196
I guess er, Heather was
sort of first in line anyway so...?
490
00:27:08,231 --> 00:27:12,576
That is true. Also Heather just
seems, very chilled, you know?
491
00:27:12,611 --> 00:27:14,656
Yeah, Heather on tap
for Knutsford.
492
00:27:16,456 --> 00:27:19,216
Yeah, right
I don't care either way.
493
00:27:19,251 --> 00:27:21,176
I just think she's got a nice...
494
00:27:21,211 --> 00:27:22,421
vibe.
495
00:27:22,456 --> 00:27:25,216
You've gone from no strings,
one night stand to moving in.
496
00:27:25,251 --> 00:27:26,861
Oh, bullshit.
497
00:27:26,896 --> 00:27:29,461
I have one night stands,
that's how I roll.
498
00:27:29,496 --> 00:27:31,736
I'm a guy with a cock,
she's a girl with a slot,
499
00:27:31,771 --> 00:27:33,976
we just happened to lock
together one night.
500
00:27:34,011 --> 00:27:35,181
Ah, the romance.
501
00:27:35,216 --> 00:27:38,796
Giles, Heather - at the end of the
day, they're both just people.
502
00:27:38,831 --> 00:27:42,376
Let Heather move in. I'm sure
everything will sort itself out.
503
00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:44,536
I dunno though,
it's actually really tricky
504
00:27:44,571 --> 00:27:45,821
because I really like Giles.
505
00:27:45,856 --> 00:27:48,856
And to be honest, I've had second
thoughts about Heather.
506
00:27:48,891 --> 00:27:51,856
I'm just not sure that I want to
live with such a great mate.
507
00:27:51,891 --> 00:27:54,456
I mean, wouldn't it be unfair
on everyone else?
508
00:27:54,491 --> 00:27:56,256
Same goes for Giles, actually.
509
00:27:56,291 --> 00:27:56,701
What?
510
00:27:56,736 --> 00:27:59,661
Well, come on,
do you want us doing,
511
00:27:59,696 --> 00:28:04,456
"Do you remember when Sykes forgot his
fencing mask and turned up wearing a sieve?"
512
00:28:04,491 --> 00:28:07,061
Wow! A sieve? That is mad!
513
00:28:07,096 --> 00:28:09,336
Personally, I would love to hear
more stories like that.
514
00:28:11,296 --> 00:28:16,056
Plus... It's, it's awkward
but there is something else
515
00:28:16,091 --> 00:28:19,193
I need to tell you about Giles.
516
00:28:19,228 --> 00:28:22,296
Erm, he... steals. Yeah, he steals.
517
00:28:22,331 --> 00:28:23,941
He loves to thieve.
518
00:28:23,976 --> 00:28:26,696
It must be like
a psychological thing.
519
00:28:26,731 --> 00:28:28,616
The opposite of a retard.
520
00:28:28,651 --> 00:28:29,341
Don't say that.
521
00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:31,501
I'm not saying retard, am I?
522
00:28:31,536 --> 00:28:33,896
I'm saying he's the opposite
of retard, Kingsley.
523
00:28:33,931 --> 00:28:37,541
There's always Sabine? No.
524
00:28:37,576 --> 00:28:38,936
Well. You've missed out on Liam.
525
00:28:38,971 --> 00:28:40,093
Oh no.
526
00:28:40,128 --> 00:28:41,181
Yup.
527
00:28:41,216 --> 00:28:44,136
He's found somewhere extremely
close to the abattoir.
528
00:28:47,496 --> 00:28:49,636
Is this new?
529
00:28:49,671 --> 00:28:51,741
Er. Yeah. Why?
530
00:28:51,776 --> 00:28:54,176
I just thought -
the nectar points and the moped...
531
00:28:54,211 --> 00:28:57,256
Yeah, it was in the sale,
all right, Mum?
532
00:28:57,291 --> 00:28:59,061
Vod...
533
00:28:59,096 --> 00:29:02,096
I actually need to spot
a tenner to stand my round.
534
00:29:02,131 --> 00:29:04,253
Great, so erm,
now I'm your beer bitch.
535
00:29:04,288 --> 00:29:06,376
Aw, come on,
just put it on the tab?
536
00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:07,421
We don't have a tab!
537
00:29:07,456 --> 00:29:09,336
Yeah, we do.
I'm keeping a tab.
538
00:29:11,496 --> 00:29:14,136
Her noonie looked like
a punched quiche!
539
00:29:15,336 --> 00:29:17,456
Oh, King Snake, heads up.
540
00:29:17,491 --> 00:29:18,936
It's wifey.
541
00:29:22,336 --> 00:29:24,581
Ooh, she's coming over.
542
00:29:24,616 --> 00:29:26,296
I say, strike while the iron's hot
and ask her to marry you.
543
00:29:26,331 --> 00:29:27,861
Oh, fuck off!
544
00:29:27,896 --> 00:29:32,056
If you like it, then it's probably
advisable to put a ring on it.
545
00:29:32,091 --> 00:29:33,433
Hi, Heth!
546
00:29:33,468 --> 00:29:34,776
Hi, Jose!
547
00:29:35,896 --> 00:29:37,616
Hello.
548
00:29:37,651 --> 00:29:39,336
Uh, heh...
549
00:29:47,136 --> 00:29:48,381
Do you want to join us?
550
00:29:48,416 --> 00:29:52,656
Oh, er, I'd love to,
it's just I'm with Yann, so...
551
00:29:52,691 --> 00:29:54,621
You know.
552
00:29:54,656 --> 00:29:56,296
Great to see you all.
553
00:29:57,696 --> 00:30:01,341
Oh, man, that was cold.
554
00:30:01,376 --> 00:30:05,496
Turns out Mr Soft Spreading Cheese actually
has the cold hard eyes of a killer.
555
00:30:05,531 --> 00:30:08,696
Oh, anyone for another -
I'm buying.
556
00:30:08,731 --> 00:30:10,696
Mine's a Jaeger.
557
00:30:12,736 --> 00:30:14,981
That's my money
she's using to buy those.
558
00:30:15,016 --> 00:30:18,856
I'm the one buying you that drink,
and everyone else's.
559
00:30:18,891 --> 00:30:19,341
What do you mean?
560
00:30:19,376 --> 00:30:20,821
I leant Vod 40 quid last week.
561
00:30:20,856 --> 00:30:23,901
But it turns out to reclaim it
I've got to travel to
562
00:30:23,936 --> 00:30:27,936
a house in Uttoxeter and hit
an electricity meter with a hammer.
563
00:30:32,256 --> 00:30:33,816
God, that was awkward.
564
00:30:33,851 --> 00:30:35,341
Yeah, it was a bit.
565
00:30:35,376 --> 00:30:38,101
Still, bollocks to him.
There's plenty more cock in the sea!
566
00:30:38,136 --> 00:30:42,056
And now that the team's back together we
can go cock-fishing all night and all day!
567
00:30:42,091 --> 00:30:43,381
Yeah...
568
00:30:43,416 --> 00:30:45,256
That's Dentertainment!
569
00:31:22,746 --> 00:31:23,906
K- Man?
570
00:31:26,746 --> 00:31:30,066
I've got a bit of a thought
in the old head and that, mate.
571
00:31:30,101 --> 00:31:31,031
Right?
572
00:31:31,066 --> 00:31:34,831
Er... It's, it's about Giles.
573
00:31:34,866 --> 00:31:37,226
Yeah, you seem really down
on him. Did something happen?
574
00:31:37,261 --> 00:31:40,311
Yeah, er, sort of.
575
00:31:40,346 --> 00:31:44,866
Erm, see, thing is, it turns out,
that he's, er...
576
00:31:46,466 --> 00:31:48,706
Well, he's gay.
577
00:31:48,741 --> 00:31:50,551
Right.
578
00:31:50,586 --> 00:31:51,831
But I didn't know. So...
579
00:31:51,866 --> 00:31:54,266
So you've turned against him?
That's charming.
580
00:31:54,301 --> 00:31:55,351
No, you don't understand...
581
00:31:55,386 --> 00:31:57,906
I think I do. You've gone from
liking to hating someone
582
00:31:57,941 --> 00:31:59,323
because of their sexual choices.
583
00:31:59,358 --> 00:32:00,706
Mate, I just want him to be normal.
584
00:32:00,741 --> 00:32:01,471
Oh, "normal?"
585
00:32:01,506 --> 00:32:03,671
Lay off, I'm not the one
on trial here.
586
00:32:03,706 --> 00:32:06,826
It's just sex, JP. It's just one man
having sex with another man,
587
00:32:06,861 --> 00:32:09,746
because they both feel like it,
and what's wrong with that?
588
00:32:09,781 --> 00:32:11,946
I'm not homophobic!
I had sex with Giles,
589
00:32:11,981 --> 00:32:13,506
that's how not homophobic I am!
590
00:32:14,946 --> 00:32:16,306
You've had sex with Giles?
591
00:32:18,666 --> 00:32:22,306
Yeah... Well, not proper sex.
592
00:32:22,341 --> 00:32:23,991
Just a...
593
00:32:24,026 --> 00:32:25,466
...power shower.
594
00:32:25,501 --> 00:32:27,203
A power shower?
595
00:32:27,238 --> 00:32:28,871
You know...
596
00:32:28,906 --> 00:32:30,346
...extreme washing.
597
00:32:30,381 --> 00:32:32,471
Oh, right.
598
00:32:32,506 --> 00:32:34,466
But I mean we were
both like fourteen,
599
00:32:34,501 --> 00:32:35,951
so it doesn't really count.
600
00:32:35,986 --> 00:32:38,706
But now he's saying that like,
he's properly gay...
601
00:32:38,741 --> 00:32:41,351
like he'd go to a gay club
not in disguise,
602
00:32:41,386 --> 00:32:46,551
or he'd, you know,
grow a moustache and have a baby.
603
00:32:46,586 --> 00:32:49,466
And all that makes me think is,
does that mean that I'm gay?
604
00:32:49,501 --> 00:32:53,026
I mean I had gay sex
with a gay guy,
605
00:32:53,061 --> 00:32:54,311
does that make me gay?
606
00:32:54,346 --> 00:32:57,071
Gay sex with a gay guy? Hmm.
607
00:32:57,106 --> 00:32:59,511
Oh, God. You think I'm gay,
don't you?
608
00:32:59,546 --> 00:33:02,966
I didn't say that. And if you were,
it wouldn't bother me.
609
00:33:03,001 --> 00:33:06,386
Oh, shit. You're tolerating me.
You're tolerating my gayness.
610
00:33:06,421 --> 00:33:08,143
This is a nightmare.
611
00:33:08,178 --> 00:33:09,831
JP, relax. It's cool.
612
00:33:09,866 --> 00:33:13,866
I mean, I don't feel gay.
But then how do you know?
613
00:33:14,946 --> 00:33:19,466
I don't want to bum you,
but then maybe I do? Cock-Cat?
614
00:33:19,501 --> 00:33:22,071
Oh, shit, maybe I'm in denial?
615
00:33:22,106 --> 00:33:26,386
But why does it make me feel
so scared and angry?
616
00:33:26,421 --> 00:33:27,991
Maybe you're bi-furious?
617
00:33:28,026 --> 00:33:32,551
OK, how about me and you and
Josie all turn the lights out
618
00:33:32,586 --> 00:33:36,546
and I'm blindfolded and I touch
you both up to see which of you
619
00:33:36,581 --> 00:33:38,443
gets the old juices flowing?
620
00:33:38,478 --> 00:33:40,271
Right. You fuck me, then Josie,
621
00:33:40,306 --> 00:33:42,991
then me again, just to double check.
622
00:33:43,026 --> 00:33:45,226
Sort of like we were fuck monkeys
in your sex lab?
623
00:33:45,261 --> 00:33:47,906
It's just an idea.
624
00:33:50,386 --> 00:33:55,591
All right kebabylonians.
Guess what...
625
00:33:55,626 --> 00:34:01,706
I bumped into Paula and hit her up
for a fiver. So - chips all round.
626
00:34:07,146 --> 00:34:11,431
What's going on? What's happened?
Did someone die?
627
00:34:11,466 --> 00:34:16,666
Erm, well, erm, we, er, wanted to
have a talk with you. About money.
628
00:34:16,701 --> 00:34:18,591
Yeah?
629
00:34:18,626 --> 00:34:20,631
Yeah, erm, when we chatted,
630
00:34:20,666 --> 00:34:24,306
it turns out, erm, we've
all been lending you money.
631
00:34:24,341 --> 00:34:26,271
Except me.
632
00:34:26,306 --> 00:34:33,506
Erm, we've added it all up,
and it comes to �354. In total.
633
00:34:33,541 --> 00:34:35,586
I've drawn up a six-month
repayment plan.
634
00:34:35,621 --> 00:34:37,191
It's a basis for discussion.
635
00:34:37,226 --> 00:34:41,106
This is bullshit.
Mates lend each other money.
636
00:34:41,141 --> 00:34:42,471
Vod, this isn't personal.
637
00:34:42,506 --> 00:34:44,991
These are times of financial
uncertainty.
638
00:34:45,026 --> 00:34:47,306
You're one of the big six economies
in this house.
639
00:34:47,341 --> 00:34:49,226
If you collapse -
you'll take us all down.
640
00:34:51,026 --> 00:34:54,466
I can't believe I'm living
with a bunch of bean counters.
641
00:34:54,501 --> 00:34:58,226
Yeah, we've counted and
you've got all our beans.
642
00:34:58,261 --> 00:35:01,471
Borrowed. I've borrowed
your fucking beans.
643
00:35:01,506 --> 00:35:08,506
Jesus. You lot, you want to have
a long, hard look at yourselves.
644
00:35:11,266 --> 00:35:13,606
There was one place
with a room free,
645
00:35:13,641 --> 00:35:15,911
but it was not great
and it was like...
646
00:35:15,946 --> 00:35:19,666
there was right of way, through
the room, for a Portuguese family.
647
00:35:19,701 --> 00:35:22,403
But apparently they either
don't go out much
648
00:35:22,438 --> 00:35:25,106
or don't come in much,
but either way...
649
00:35:25,141 --> 00:35:27,551
Are you OK, JP?
650
00:35:27,586 --> 00:35:30,511
Yeah. Fine. Totally fine.
651
00:35:30,546 --> 00:35:33,186
I might jump in the shower -
if you want, you could, er...
652
00:35:33,221 --> 00:35:34,911
I'm fine!
653
00:35:34,946 --> 00:35:37,226
...go first, if you want?
654
00:35:40,026 --> 00:35:41,351
Oh no, you, you go ahead.
655
00:35:41,386 --> 00:35:44,026
JP, I'm not going to try
and bum you, you know.
656
00:35:44,061 --> 00:35:46,283
I'm not a bloody homophobe,
all right!
657
00:35:46,318 --> 00:35:48,471
I've only been involved
at amateur level,
658
00:35:48,506 --> 00:35:51,826
not professional like you,
but it's all fine, it's totally fine.
659
00:35:51,861 --> 00:35:55,146
Gay men don't necessarily want to
have sex with every guy they see.
660
00:35:55,181 --> 00:35:56,506
Yeah, sure.
661
00:35:56,541 --> 00:35:58,551
No, really.
662
00:35:58,586 --> 00:36:01,786
Come on Giles, you have
to say that, but really?
663
00:36:01,821 --> 00:36:03,643
Well, it's like you with women.
664
00:36:03,678 --> 00:36:05,466
Do you want to bang them all?
665
00:36:05,501 --> 00:36:07,066
Yeah. Pretty much.
666
00:36:08,666 --> 00:36:10,831
Well, all the hotties.
667
00:36:10,866 --> 00:36:13,026
Yeah, I suppose I want to bang
all the hotties, too.
668
00:36:13,061 --> 00:36:15,111
So I'm right, you do want to bum me!
669
00:36:15,146 --> 00:36:19,666
Well. Say like in your house -
Oregon. Do you want to bang her?
670
00:36:20,746 --> 00:36:22,586
Hmm...
671
00:36:24,666 --> 00:36:26,766
Interesting. Fascinating question.
672
00:36:26,801 --> 00:36:28,831
This is like philosophy
or something,
673
00:36:28,866 --> 00:36:32,586
cos I've thought about it a lot
and it's like,
674
00:36:32,621 --> 00:36:34,226
yeah, I mean, I definitely would.
675
00:36:34,261 --> 00:36:35,831
But it's like,
676
00:36:35,866 --> 00:36:40,786
we sort of live together
and I kind of like her, so,
677
00:36:40,821 --> 00:36:44,111
maybe no, or, or not no?
678
00:36:44,146 --> 00:36:48,026
It's complicated.
Because she's like, a friend,
679
00:36:48,061 --> 00:36:49,191
so it'd be really weird.
680
00:36:49,226 --> 00:36:53,306
Yeah, well that's kind of like how
I'd say it was for me with a mate.
681
00:36:53,341 --> 00:36:54,746
OK. Wow.
682
00:36:56,386 --> 00:36:58,306
Well, this is great.
683
00:36:59,586 --> 00:37:02,906
I'm over here in the bed, straight,
684
00:37:02,941 --> 00:37:06,226
you're over there
with no trousers on,
685
00:37:06,261 --> 00:37:09,226
gay, and that's fine.
686
00:37:10,466 --> 00:37:11,666
Good night, John-boy.
687
00:37:18,386 --> 00:37:19,991
You don't want to bum me
688
00:37:20,026 --> 00:37:24,506
and I don't want to bum you,
that's fine.
689
00:37:24,541 --> 00:37:28,146
So nobody has to bum anybody.
690
00:37:28,181 --> 00:37:30,271
That's my credo!
691
00:37:30,306 --> 00:37:33,426
The freedom to bum or not to bum.
692
00:37:35,226 --> 00:37:39,306
I'll put that on my flag one day,
when I get round to making it.
693
00:37:44,226 --> 00:37:47,426
All right, wakey, wakey, listen up!
694
00:37:55,306 --> 00:37:58,551
I've had a big think, er,
695
00:37:58,586 --> 00:38:00,746
and I reckon you lot
might not be total arseholes
696
00:38:00,781 --> 00:38:02,751
about the money after all.
697
00:38:02,786 --> 00:38:04,946
Now I'm not saying I'm wrong,
and if you want me to,
698
00:38:04,981 --> 00:38:06,351
you can take a flying fucking jump
699
00:38:06,386 --> 00:38:09,191
cos I was always going
to pay you back.
700
00:38:09,226 --> 00:38:13,066
But, I'm gonna pay my debt
to society with stuff.
701
00:38:15,586 --> 00:38:16,711
Start sifting.
702
00:38:16,746 --> 00:38:18,306
I really don't think
that's necessary.
703
00:38:18,341 --> 00:38:19,631
Great with me.
704
00:38:19,666 --> 00:38:20,991
There's no knickers.
705
00:38:21,026 --> 00:38:24,506
Why do people always assume I have
a prurient interest in underwear?
706
00:38:24,541 --> 00:38:26,586
Take those trainers,
I know you like them.
707
00:38:26,621 --> 00:38:27,963
No, I don't want your trainers.
708
00:38:27,998 --> 00:38:29,306
Pick up the trainers, Oregon.
709
00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:31,791
OK.
710
00:38:31,826 --> 00:38:35,146
OK, listen everyone.
I've got an announcement to make.
711
00:38:35,181 --> 00:38:39,191
This is Giles. My gay friend.
712
00:38:39,226 --> 00:38:43,346
He doesn't want to bum me
and I don't want to bum him,
713
00:38:43,381 --> 00:38:47,466
and I don't care who knows it.
And he's moving in.
714
00:38:47,501 --> 00:38:50,026
That's lovely, JP.
There's just one catch...
715
00:38:51,786 --> 00:38:53,866
We called Sabine last night
and offered her the room.
716
00:38:53,901 --> 00:38:57,506
Call her back,
tell her she can't have it.
717
00:38:57,541 --> 00:38:59,226
This house is going bi-curious.
718
00:39:13,866 --> 00:39:15,326
She's really ringing.
719
00:39:15,361 --> 00:39:16,751
Just wait it out.
720
00:39:16,786 --> 00:39:18,271
It doesn't feel right.
721
00:39:18,306 --> 00:39:20,831
I think you just have to push
through the embarrassment barrier.
722
00:39:20,866 --> 00:39:24,386
Yup. This is a cool house. We do not
need some freak spoiling our vibe.
723
00:39:25,226 --> 00:39:26,666
There is one thing though...
724
00:39:26,701 --> 00:39:29,271
Shush, Vod!
725
00:39:29,306 --> 00:39:30,271
She's going to go...
726
00:39:30,306 --> 00:39:32,306
...I kind of gave her a key.
727
00:39:35,506 --> 00:39:36,911
Hello?
728
00:39:36,946 --> 00:39:39,466
I thought they were going to get it.
729
00:39:41,306 --> 00:39:44,506
Yeah, we all thought somebody else
was going to get it.
730
00:39:44,541 --> 00:39:47,103
Could somebody lend a hand.
Not literally.
731
00:39:47,138 --> 00:39:49,666
To help me move my stuff
up to my room?
732
00:39:52,946 --> 00:39:55,271
Er, listen, Sabine.
733
00:39:55,306 --> 00:39:58,911
The thing is,
and this is hard to explain,
734
00:39:58,946 --> 00:40:02,946
there's been a bit of a mix-up,
and we'd love for you to move in,
735
00:40:02,981 --> 00:40:05,666
but it's not going to be possible,
because...
736
00:40:05,701 --> 00:40:09,306
But it was agreed. I have the key.
737
00:40:09,341 --> 00:40:10,351
What do you think?
738
00:40:10,386 --> 00:40:12,991
No. No I won't stand for this.
739
00:40:13,026 --> 00:40:17,551
It's political correctness gone mad.
I'm sorry, Sabine,
740
00:40:17,586 --> 00:40:22,666
but we have a gay man moving in,
so although it may seem xenophobic,
741
00:40:22,701 --> 00:40:26,586
it's not, because we have someone
even well, not weirder,
742
00:40:26,621 --> 00:40:30,023
but more different, so, hard cheese.
743
00:40:30,058 --> 00:40:33,426
But I've signed
the rental agreement.
744
00:40:33,461 --> 00:40:35,346
Oh dear, oh dear.
745
00:40:36,666 --> 00:40:39,506
Your English isn't very good, is it?
746
00:40:39,541 --> 00:40:42,703
We want Giles to move in.
747
00:40:42,738 --> 00:40:45,831
But I want to live here.
748
00:40:45,866 --> 00:40:48,351
Yes, but, and I'm sorry to say this,
749
00:40:48,386 --> 00:40:52,471
the truth is that none of us
want you to live here?
750
00:40:52,506 --> 00:40:55,706
It's not that we don't like you -
obviously we don't really know you...
751
00:40:55,741 --> 00:40:56,991
we just think we won't like you.
752
00:40:57,026 --> 00:40:58,751
Why won't you like me?
I'm a nice person.
753
00:40:58,786 --> 00:41:01,066
Anyway, this house is much larger
than the other houses,
754
00:41:01,067 --> 00:41:04,586
it's conveniently located,
the transport links are excellent,
755
00:41:04,621 --> 00:41:08,106
and I have already told my bank
about my change of address.
756
00:41:08,141 --> 00:41:10,426
What shall we do,
shall we take her down?
757
00:41:10,461 --> 00:41:11,431
Yes, let's take her down.
758
00:41:11,466 --> 00:41:14,006
We're not going to "take her down".
759
00:41:14,041 --> 00:41:16,546
Thus far and then none shall pass.
760
00:41:16,581 --> 00:41:17,706
Lord Of The Rings?
761
00:41:17,741 --> 00:41:19,591
Holy Grail.
762
00:41:19,626 --> 00:41:22,866
None shall pass.
763
00:41:35,706 --> 00:41:36,986
She passed.
57822
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