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1
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,039
Please can I just eat?
2
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,159
I want us to have
a house breakfast together.
3
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:24,519
We're waiting for Vod.
4
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,399
People don't have breakfast
together. It's not a social event.
5
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,399
You just get it inside you, OK.
6
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,119
It's basically
just the opposite of shitting.
7
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,399
I'm starting.
8
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,519
Nothing from Dave?
You should leave him alone.
9
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,559
Oh, fuck off, Kingsley!
I just want to make sure he's OK.
10
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:40,719
No, you don't.
11
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,519
You're just bricking it
because you're single for once.
12
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,159
And you're angry with me
13
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,159
for breaking the spell.
Breaking the sp...!
14
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:49,159
Right, you're not Rumpelstiltskin,
for fuck sake!
15
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:51,319
Rumpelstiltskin didn't break the
spell. He set...
16
00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:52,879
the...
17
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,959
Anyway, the point is,
you'll get back together with him
18
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,559
because you don't know
what else to do.
19
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,399
You've no idea
how to take care of yourself.
20
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,879
That's rich coming from someone
who doesn't even floss!
21
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,239
I hate to break it to you,
but nobody flosses, apart from you.
22
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,959
Bullshit! These two floss,
don't you?!
23
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,479
Nah.
24
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,719
Sorry.
25
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:11,719
Yeah, but you use
antibacterial mouthwash?
26
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,399
Fine! Whatever!
27
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:21,399
Happy gingivitis to you!
28
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,559
Morning, Howard.
29
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:47,639
Ahh.
30
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,079
Morning, Kingsley.
31
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,959
Er, tea in the pot.
We haven't got a pot.
32
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,519
Pot, as in kettle.
33
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,399
You made tea in the kettle?
34
00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,399
From the taste of it,
I see no reason not to.
35
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,879
(WHEEZY LAUGH)
36
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,599
So...
37
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,279
It's official!
38
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,959
I'm being kicked out.
What?!
39
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,959
Which, seeing as this "university"
is a big, steaming pile of cack,
40
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,719
is fine by me.
What are you gonna do?
41
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,319
What about your RAF money?
42
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,879
We must be able to appeal.
How will you pay it back?
43
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,839
Fuck knows.
44
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,119
If I was still mates
with the Secret Millionaire,
45
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,599
I'd ask her to...
46
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,039
sell the east wing of her mansion
or something.
47
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,279
Mind you, she probably wouldn't,
48
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,879
cos she doesn't give a fuck
about anyone else except herself!
49
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,119
Well, I made you a bacon sarnie.
50
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,479
Yeah? Is it a bacon sarnie?
51
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,479
Or is it another one of your lies?
52
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,439
Right, just because I forgot a spoon
53
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,639
does not mean I don't know
how to take care of myself.
54
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,679
Did you try to drink the cereal?
55
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,039
How would you like a spoon rammed
up your arse, Rumpel-shithead?
56
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,039
Well, so much for a civilised
breakfast.
57
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,919
Sweet. Yeah, cool.
58
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:02,559
Sweetness.
59
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,239
Get in!
60
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,439
Ralph's asked me to help organise
the Love Cloud event on Sunday.
61
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,799
Epic.
62
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,319
Isn't Sunday your dad's funeral?
63
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,159
Oh, fuck a tramp!
64
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,799
Is it too much to ask
65
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,799
for one of you to keep me abreast
of my motherfucking schedule?!
66
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:35,239
You, er, can't pretend you're over
something if you're not, you know.
67
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,519
That's where madness lies.
68
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,559
Of course I'm over her.
I can't fucking stand her.
69
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,799
I was talking about geology.
70
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,399
Yup. So was I.
71
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,399
You said "she".
Yeah.
72
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,919
Mother Earth.
73
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,239
Mmm.
74
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,679
Right.
75
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,759
I felt like drama was...
76
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,079
(SIGHS)
77
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,439
I needed to open up and...
78
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,839
I have... trust issues
79
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,319
and being on a stage seemed like
a way to resolve that and...
80
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,359
Was it because fit girls do drama?
81
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,999
Yes, it was. So...
82
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,319
um...
83
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,199
Ask me the question, Noel.
84
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,199
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
85
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,999
Can I switch back to geology?
86
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,159
You have to say "deal or no deal?",
because I said "Noel".
87
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,559
Right.
88
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,839
Deal or no deal?
89
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,879
Deal.
Which is which?
90
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:30,399
It means you can switch back. Sasha's
transferred to Sheffield for...
91
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,879
health reasons,
whatever that means,
92
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,199
so there's a space.
93
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,999
But you're gonna have to catch up.
94
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,799
I will. I promise. Thank you.
Thank you, Noel!
95
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,119
I was hoping you'd come back.
96
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,399
You're my favourite student,
you know. Don't say that.
97
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,599
It sounds like grooming.
98
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,599
I can give you private lessons
to help you catch up, if you like.
99
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:47,839
Still sounds like grooming.
100
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,079
Just trying to reach out to you,
K-man.
101
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,479
Grooming.
102
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:55,479
Hmm, there he goes.
103
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:01,839
This is the reception room.
104
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:06,559
Oh, fucking hell! This is massive!
105
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,799
So, maybe the table-tennis
table there.
106
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,159
Table-football table goes there.
107
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,999
Yeah, I mean, it depends on the kind
of reception you want to give people.
108
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,119
We'll be able to receive people
between the tables.
109
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:22,119
Yeah, I know. Just might feel more
like a common room for a prison.
110
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,679
Sorry, hang on,
did you just say "we", Tony?
111
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,319
We'll both be here, obviously,
if you want.
112
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,439
(MOBILE RINGS)
Oh, blimey. You're a...
113
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,159
Oh, goodness. Heh!
114
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,439
Hi, Mum, I can't talk right now.
115
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,639
Hey?! Heh!
116
00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,119
You must be exhausted.
117
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,759
Mum!
118
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,959
No, in all seriousness,
though, really well done.
119
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,239
That's fantastic.
120
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,439
Mum!
121
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,799
Yes, that's very inappropriate,
but thank you.
122
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,799
Well, no, he can't have my room!
I'm coming home at Christmas, so...
123
00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:58,359
I can't... I can't talk right now.
I'm gonna have to go. OK, bye.
124
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,399
God. I... I don't... I don't know
what to think about this.
125
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,759
What's to think about?
Well,
126
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,039
what about my house?
127
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,039
I mean, yes, it smells, and there are
slug trails all over the carpet.
128
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,959
But that's where my friends are.
129
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,199
And I can't have them round
cos you hate them.
130
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,759
I only hate the ones I've met.
131
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:17,959
(SIGHS)
132
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,239
But they're great! They're cool.
133
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,959
OK, well, Howard's a freak
and JP is a dick, but...
134
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,399
Would you like to see the wet room?
135
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:25,999
I mean,
I can't abandon my friends like that.
136
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,199
Sorry, sorry.
137
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,639
Did you just say wet room?
Yeah.
138
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,719
Yeah.
139
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,159
Yes.
140
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,119
Yes, I would like to see the wet
room! Step this way.
141
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,999
Is there underfloor heating?
142
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,999
There certainly is.
Oh, wow.
143
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,199
Well, why can't we bring it forward
by an hour?
144
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,719
Well, how many hymns are there?!
145
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,679
Four. Really?
146
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:52,239
I mean, do we need four hymns?
They all sound the same.
147
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,719
Well, why can't we have a medley?
Everyone loves a medley.
148
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,239
(SIGHS)
149
00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,559
Stop crying, Mum, please.
150
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,599
Right, OK, Mum, I've got to go.
151
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,599
OK. Bye.
152
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,839
Ralph! Tobes!
153
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,279
Sorry!
154
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:22,279
It's fine, it's cool, Hey, dudes.
155
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,599
J P-dophile. Stoked you're
on board for the Cloud.
156
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,759
Ah, man, I'm so pumped.
157
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,679
Er... Sorry, there was...
there was just one thing.
158
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,319
Have you got the Ks?
159
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,959
Sorry, the what?
160
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,679
We need 2K off you.
161
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,679
2K?
162
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,599
What, as in... like, £2,000?
163
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,519
Did I not mention that?
164
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,639
Um... no.
165
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,159
(LAUGHS) Not so much.
Well,
166
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,439
we're all putting in 2K
for the VIP room.
167
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,079
We're gonna get bespoke decor,
we're gonna get canapes, yeah?
168
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,359
It's gonna be rape.
169
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,799
Yeah, well, I mean,
that sounds really, um...
170
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:00,999
rape.
171
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,119
It's... it's just that
there's a really annoying thing.
172
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,559
Basically, on Sunday, er...
173
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,519
it's... got... Dad's funeral,
174
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,479
which is, I know, cringe.
175
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,639
And yeah, it's a Sunday,
so all the trains are a bit screwed,
176
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,879
so it's really gonna be really hard
for me to get back, so, um...
177
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,359
Well, the club's cheaper on Sunday.
178
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,359
I'm not having a go at Sundays.
Like, I absolutely love Sundays.
179
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:26,559
Well, what if we could... get you
back?
180
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,159
Really?!
181
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,959
Wow, yeah.
182
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,959
That... I mean, that would
be... immense.
183
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,239
You've got 2K?
184
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,799
Yeah, for shiz.
185
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:39,959
OK.
186
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,079
So this is too easy, yeah?
187
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,079
You put in the 2K, we razz you
over there in my Subaru Impreza,
188
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,959
get funeralised up!
189
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,439
Probably have some tunes on.
190
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,519
Razz back for, like, nine,
191
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,639
and you can still put in the 2K!
192
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:55,879
Sweet!
193
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,719
Spud me up, bitches!
194
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:00,920
Mash-up.
195
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:09,650
Howard.
196
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:12,419
What? Yes.
197
00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:14,099
I'm Mrs Lamb.
198
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:15,459
Is this hacking-related?
199
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:18,619
Because, technically, my hard
drive doesn't reside in the UK.
200
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:22,179
I'm Paul's mum. Paul Lamb.
From the second floor.
201
00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:24,179
Oh! Paul!
202
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:25,379
Erm...
203
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:26,939
I don't think Paul's in.
204
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,399
Paul!
205
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,219
Paul moved out four weeks ago.
206
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:31,579
Oh.
207
00:09:31,580 --> 00:09:33,219
Yes.
208
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:34,819
Did he? Yes.
209
00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:37,339
We came to collect him
after his breakdown.
210
00:09:37,340 --> 00:09:39,459
He was...
Anyway, you know all about that.
211
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:40,779
Oh.
212
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,499
Yeah. Yeah.
213
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,659
I've been ringing the land line
but there was no answer?
214
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:45,539
We've got a land line?
215
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:47,100
Paul's coming back
216
00:09:47,101 --> 00:09:48,659
tonight for the last
few days of term.
217
00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:51,179
But obviously
we're still very worried about him
218
00:09:51,180 --> 00:09:53,499
and I just wondered whether
you could keep an eye on him?
219
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,259
Just in case.
220
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:58,299
Well...
He speaks very highly of you all.
221
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,539
And I know how fond of you he is.
222
00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:01,779
He trusts you.
223
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:03,219
Really?
Kingsley.
224
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:05,059
Sorry?
Helen.
225
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:06,219
Oh, hi!
226
00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:07,379
Lovely to meet you at last.
227
00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:11,019
Yes. You too.
228
00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:12,899
Who the fuck was that?
229
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,259
Paul's mum.
230
00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:16,699
Paul?
Paul Lamb, the Invisible Man.
231
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,539
That was the Invisible Man's
visible mum.
232
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:21,419
Obviously the invisibility runs
on his father's side.
233
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,659
She wants me to keep an eye on him
in exchange for a bottle of Baileys.
234
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:26,379
Right. Good luck.
235
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,099
Um, don't you want to do it?
236
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,899
No, thanks. I hate Baileys.
237
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,579
♪ Suckin' on my titties
Like you wanted me
238
00:10:32,580 --> 00:10:34,739
♪ Callin' me all the time
Like Blondie
239
00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:38,259
♪ Check out my chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time... ♪
240
00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,579
What the hell are you doing?
241
00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:41,339
I'm being a single lady.
242
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,939
Sorry if you can't handle it.
243
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:44,739
Can you turn the music down?
244
00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:46,899
Why? Can't you handle it?
245
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,139
Are you drinking a mug of schnapps?
246
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:51,859
Schnapps and cocoa.
Schnocoa.
247
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:52,699
♪ ... Suckin' on my titties... ♪
248
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,259
♪ ... Suckin' on my titties... ♪
What's going on?
249
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:55,499
MUSIC STOPS
250
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,299
All single ladies together.
251
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,779
Have a schnocoa.
252
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,059
All right.
253
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,699
OK...
254
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,499
why don't we play a game?
255
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,579
We could play I Have Never.
256
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:08,979
Um...
257
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:11,139
I have never thought...
258
00:11:11,140 --> 00:11:13,419
Kingsley is a massive dickhead.
259
00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:16,899
Aw.
260
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:19,339
Sorry, Kingsley, you've gotta be
honest with I Have Never,
261
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:20,659
otherwise it's fuckin' chaos.
262
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:23,499
(SIGHS)
263
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:24,659
Hey, Vod.
264
00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:27,299
Let's go out and get totally fucked!
265
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:31,299
Right, fine.
266
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:36,179
DJ's a K. Rope for the VIP section
is... a K.
267
00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:38,619
Um...
268
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:41,259
that seems like quite a lot of Ks.
269
00:11:41,260 --> 00:11:43,259
Well, I asked Tobe to get the best.
270
00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:44,379
Which I have done.
271
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:46,979
Yeah, I mean, we want the best.
I know I do.
272
00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:50,379
No, I definitely want the best.
It's just that...
273
00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:53,539
a K for... some rope?
274
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:56,099
Well, that's how much
it cost to hire.
275
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,459
We're not even buying it?!
276
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:01,379
Buying it's 5K.
It's made from vicuna,
277
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,899
which pisses all over cashmere.
278
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:07,899
Little... money-saving idea.
279
00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:12,419
I am more than happy to, er... to DJ.
280
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,299
And...
281
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,659
obviously sling in another K.
282
00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:18,739
Yeah.
283
00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:20,539
We do need someone to headline.
284
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,019
And you could headline!
285
00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:23,379
Do you mean 5am?
286
00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:24,979
Yes, headlining.
287
00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:28,339
Wow, yeah.
288
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:29,739
That'd be awesome.
289
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:33,139
OK. Rape. What else, cunts?
290
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:34,979
We haven't discussed wristbands.
291
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:38,019
Toby, how much are wristbands?
292
00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:40,539
Those are...
293
00:12:40,540 --> 00:12:43,379
I can't find them,
but they're gonna be a K.
294
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,699
Good.
295
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:47,499
♪ Hush now, baby
don't you stress
296
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,619
♪ I'm gonna fill
your mommy complex... ♪
297
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:51,579
(DRUNKENLY)
I have never seen...
298
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:52,699
JP urinating.
299
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:56,579
Oh.
300
00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:58,139
Oi, oi!
301
00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:01,979
All right.
Turns out Josie's a right laugh.
302
00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:04,819
And I can't believe you told Vod
you thought I was boring.
303
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:07,139
Well, she's really funny.
304
00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:08,699
Really funny.
305
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:11,619
You know, and really...
good fun.
306
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:14,499
Yeah, I'd go out with me if I wasn't
me, or if I was me.
307
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,379
Told you she wasn't boring.
308
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:17,819
We're playing I Have Never.
309
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,899
Yeah. How about...
I've never tidied up the kitchen?
310
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:21,379
Eh-oh!
311
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,179
Eh-oh!
I'll drink to that. (LAUGHS)
312
00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:26,539
You should come out with us.
Vod's gonna be my wingman
313
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,459
and you could be my other wingman
on my other wing
314
00:13:28,460 --> 00:13:31,339
and then they'll be a man on each
wing, so two wingmen.
315
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,859
It'll be like wing-wing.
Yeah? And then...
316
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,579
Aw, I'm mullered.
317
00:13:36,530 --> 00:13:38,489
Ha-ha!
318
00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:40,289
Er, yeah, I can't, really,
cos Tony's here.
319
00:13:40,290 --> 00:13:42,409
What the fuck's
that arsehole doing here?
320
00:13:42,410 --> 00:13:45,049
You can also call me Tony.
321
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:48,809
He asked if he could stay,
because his wife's at home and...
322
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:50,369
He got me kicked off
my fucking course
323
00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:53,249
and then demands to stay in my
house! I mean, what... what's next?!
324
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:55,089
Take a shit on my bed
and then demand a lift home?
325
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:57,849
Perhaps I'll give you girls
a minute.
326
00:13:57,850 --> 00:14:00,329
I've got a right to bring
whoever I want to this house, and...
327
00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:02,089
Have it! We're going out anyway.
328
00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:03,529
Where are you going?
329
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,689
To get fucked.
Whereabouts?
330
00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:07,129
Maybe I'll join you later.
331
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:10,409
Er, I dunno. Er, I'll text you.
332
00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,609
I'd rather you didn't.
You know, nothing personal.
333
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:14,489
Just don't wanna be
in the same room as you.
334
00:14:14,490 --> 00:14:16,729
Ah! Maybe I won't text you, then.
335
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,969
OK, see you later!
336
00:14:18,970 --> 00:14:21,649
Bye!
337
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:23,689
Move it or lose it, Child Catcher.
338
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:27,689
Have a good one.
339
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:34,969
(TV) '... the idea of postmodernism
to contemporary globalisation... '
340
00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:56,769
I can't find any talc.
341
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:59,489
Yeah. Yeah, we don't... we don't
really have talc in this century.
342
00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:00,849
Um...
343
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:04,849
can you make sure
no-one sees you wearing that.
344
00:15:13,090 --> 00:15:14,609
Top night.
345
00:15:14,610 --> 00:15:16,489
Great night.
346
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:18,169
Enjoy the sex.
347
00:15:18,170 --> 00:15:20,289
Thanks.
348
00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:22,329
Psst. Psst.
349
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:26,329
(WHISPERS) I might go and
accidentally throw up on Shales.
350
00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:30,529
(IMITATES VOMITING)
351
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,889
Right, come on, then.
352
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,929
That's it. Ohh, lovely bum. Come on!
353
00:15:35,930 --> 00:15:38,129
(JOSIE) Mmm!
354
00:15:38,130 --> 00:15:40,809
Yeah.
355
00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:42,409
Oh, yeah!
356
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:45,569
BANGING
357
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,729
(JOSIE) Oh, wow!
358
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:51,209
Oh, God! Yeah... Ben!
359
00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:52,929
It's Glenn.
360
00:15:52,930 --> 00:15:55,569
Glenn! Oh, God, Glenn!
361
00:15:55,570 --> 00:15:59,089
Hump me with your... megacock!
362
00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:03,089
Right. I'll give it a go.
363
00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:07,089
I'm trying to sleep!
364
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:09,009
Keep pounding!
365
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,329
Keep... keep pounding!
366
00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:12,449
Are you...
are you talking to me?
367
00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:15,049
Yes! I'm talking to you.
He's a dickhead.
368
00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:17,889
Just...
369
00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:19,249
Wow!
370
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:20,609
MUSIC BLARES
371
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:23,369
Yep, keep pounding! Ahh!
372
00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:24,409
God, yes.
373
00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:27,369
Oh, yeah, yes, so sexy!
You're having such a sexy time.
374
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:31,009
Ahhhhhh!
375
00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:32,929
Vod?
376
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,569
Uhh!
377
00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:35,889
Sorry, but I had to wake you.
378
00:16:35,890 --> 00:16:38,289
Um, listen - I've looked into it
379
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,969
and you're allowed to appeal
the decision to kick you out.
380
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:43,049
I've booked an appointment
with the head of department.
381
00:16:43,050 --> 00:16:44,689
Um, it's on Monday at 9.30.
382
00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:47,089
And if you want, you know,
help prepping and stuff, then I'm...
383
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,169
I'm not going.
What d'you mean...?
384
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:50,849
What do you mean? You have to go!
385
00:16:50,850 --> 00:16:52,649
They might allow you to stay.
386
00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:55,409
Oh, yeah, I really wanna stay...
387
00:16:55,410 --> 00:16:57,889
(COUGHS) ... seeing as
it's total cack
388
00:16:57,890 --> 00:17:01,129
and full of dirty old pervs
who invade student houses
389
00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:04,529
and steal girls like Attila the Hun
in a fucking V neck.
390
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:05,929
He's actually a nice guy.
391
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:09,929
You just have to spend time
hanging out with him.
392
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:16,649
(COUGHS)
393
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:31,889
(BELCHES)
394
00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:47,809
(WHISPERS) He calls it Bircher
Muesli.
395
00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:55,449
Milk's in the fruit bowl.
396
00:17:59,930 --> 00:18:02,009
Is this what you use as milk?
397
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:03,609
We've run out of actual milk,
398
00:18:03,610 --> 00:18:05,929
so that's our
auxiliary... backup milk.
399
00:18:05,930 --> 00:18:08,929
I source it from local cafes.
400
00:18:08,930 --> 00:18:12,929
It'll take about... eight for cereal.
401
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:33,769
So Sunday is gonna be pretty rape.
I'm DJing.
402
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:36,569
There's gonna be girls dancing in
cages, some not in cages.
403
00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:38,089
For your dad's funeral?
404
00:18:38,090 --> 00:18:40,009
No, at Love Cloud, you mong.
405
00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:41,129
Don't use the word "mong".
406
00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:44,449
Do you still... want me to come with
you to the funeral?
407
00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:46,609
Cos I know you said
you don't want to go on your own.
408
00:18:46,610 --> 00:18:50,169
No, it's fine. Ralph's gonna be
razzing me down in the Impreza, so...
409
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,769
Pretty rape of him.
410
00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:52,889
And don't use the word "rape".
411
00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:55,969
Oh, come on, It's just a word.
It doesn't matter. Get over it.
412
00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:59,089
So use a different word,
if it doesn't matter.
413
00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:03,089
Like, roughly how much would
one of those, like, VIP ropes cost?
414
00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:06,169
50 quid? Maybe more.
415
00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:09,449
Cool. So sort of somewhere
between 50 quid and, say, a K.
416
00:19:09,450 --> 00:19:11,889
A K?!
417
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:13,769
As in a grand?
418
00:19:13,770 --> 00:19:15,049
Yeah, can mean that.
419
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,889
I don't think it can mean that.
420
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,729
You wouldn't even know, Howard.
421
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:22,169
Are the Love Cloud getting you
to pay a grand for some rope?
422
00:19:22,170 --> 00:19:24,329
I don't know why I even bothered
asking.
423
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,289
It's not like you two know how much
nice shit costs anyway, so...
424
00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:31,049
Mainly because you're both...
425
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,249
orcs.
426
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,569
Definitely mean orcs?
427
00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:35,409
Yeah, that is what I meant.
428
00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:39,409
Orcs.
429
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:43,849
Have you seen Paul yet?
430
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:47,849
Yes.
431
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:50,769
How many cameras have you even got?
432
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:52,369
Four.
433
00:19:52,370 --> 00:19:55,449
He's had a nervous breakdown.
Four's... good monitoring.
434
00:19:55,450 --> 00:19:57,209
Is there one in the loo?
435
00:19:57,210 --> 00:19:59,809
I'm saying...
no, there isn't.
436
00:19:59,810 --> 00:20:01,049
Now, the thing is, right,
437
00:20:01,050 --> 00:20:03,449
Paul does something that's really
rather weird that I want to show you,
438
00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:07,449
but it may fuck you up.
Do you want to see it?
439
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:11,409
I mean, I have to now.
440
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:15,929
What are you doing?
Shh! Shut the door.
441
00:20:16,010 --> 00:20:18,409
What the fuck is...?
442
00:20:18,410 --> 00:20:19,889
Oh, my God! Is he...?
443
00:20:19,890 --> 00:20:21,729
Yes, he is. Repeatedly.
444
00:20:21,730 --> 00:20:23,449
That's Paul Lamb?!
445
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:26,929
I never understood before
why they called it self-abuse.
446
00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:30,929
It's the Nadal backhander.
447
00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:36,170
I have to do some work.
My life was bleak
448
00:20:36,171 --> 00:20:38,169
enough before I started
watching this.
449
00:20:40,170 --> 00:20:42,769
You have to send me this.
450
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,849
JP, he's fragile.
451
00:20:44,850 --> 00:20:47,809
He's a fragile vase
that I'm responsible for.
452
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,689
Come on, I'm not gonna do anything
with it. I'm not a beast.
453
00:20:50,690 --> 00:20:54,689
♪ FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE:
What The Water Gave Me
454
00:20:58,170 --> 00:21:02,169
♪ Time it took us
455
00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:05,769
♪ To where the water was
456
00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:08,409
♪ That's what the water gave me... ♪
457
00:21:08,410 --> 00:21:09,969
Look at us, Howard.
458
00:21:09,970 --> 00:21:13,529
We were so young then.
459
00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:15,409
Now it's almost over.
460
00:21:15,410 --> 00:21:17,369
The first term's almost over.
461
00:21:17,370 --> 00:21:19,249
That's my Baileys.
462
00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:21,969
Oh, sorry. Did you want it back?
463
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:23,129
No. I don't like it.
464
00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:24,169
Oh!
465
00:21:24,170 --> 00:21:26,769
Baileys on Weetabix?
466
00:21:26,770 --> 00:21:28,369
Let's get the party started!
467
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:32,129
Boozybix!
468
00:21:32,130 --> 00:21:35,169
Oh, my God!
Is that me in that picture?
469
00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:39,769
Yep.
BOTH LAUGH
470
00:21:39,970 --> 00:21:42,249
Hiya. Hi, guys. what's going on?
471
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:46,249
Oh, um, Printworks club crawl.
Um, you're not in this lot.
472
00:21:46,370 --> 00:21:48,369
I think you might have been
with your man that night.
473
00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:49,849
Speaking of which...
474
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:53,049
do you want to come round
for dinner later at my, like...
475
00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:56,849
new flat?
476
00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:58,449
You're moving out?!
477
00:21:58,450 --> 00:21:59,729
No, not really.
478
00:21:59,730 --> 00:22:02,409
Just me and Tony,
gonna use it as a bit of a bolt hole.
479
00:22:02,410 --> 00:22:03,809
It's in town.
480
00:22:03,810 --> 00:22:06,489
So come over, revise, smoke weed,
481
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:07,729
whatever.
482
00:22:07,730 --> 00:22:09,769
Are you moving out? Cos it
sounds like you're moving out.
483
00:22:09,770 --> 00:22:11,409
No!
484
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:13,089
Sort of. Straddling.
485
00:22:13,090 --> 00:22:14,769
It's no biggie.
486
00:22:14,770 --> 00:22:17,009
I get to hang with you guys.
487
00:22:17,010 --> 00:22:19,409
I get to hang out
with Tony's friends from Croatia.
488
00:22:19,410 --> 00:22:21,449
They're really cool.
489
00:22:21,450 --> 00:22:24,729
They're getting me into Merlot
and Iranian graphic novels.
490
00:22:24,730 --> 00:22:25,929
I read one of those.
491
00:22:25,930 --> 00:22:27,929
I was not convinced.
492
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,449
So what do you think? Will you come?
493
00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:30,929
OK.
494
00:22:30,930 --> 00:22:34,369
Er, don't know.
What do you think, Jose?
495
00:22:34,370 --> 00:22:36,769
Um... yeah.
496
00:22:36,770 --> 00:22:40,769
All right, then, fuck it.
Let's do it.
497
00:22:42,490 --> 00:22:44,289
They're completely unaccountable.
498
00:22:44,290 --> 00:22:47,089
Jedward has funded six doctorates
in ecological farming
499
00:22:47,090 --> 00:22:48,809
in the last two years.
500
00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:50,529
Really?
501
00:22:50,530 --> 00:22:52,849
And that's for the entire gamut
of earth sciences,
502
00:22:52,850 --> 00:22:55,009
of which land economy is not
technically
503
00:22:55,010 --> 00:22:56,249
a constituent part.
504
00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:57,569
Tell it to Jedward.
505
00:22:57,570 --> 00:22:58,929
As if Jedward would listen.
506
00:22:58,930 --> 00:23:02,929
Sorry, are you saying "Jedward"?
507
00:23:03,010 --> 00:23:07,009
Yes, Professor Ugo Jedward,
chair of the funding committee. Why?
508
00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:10,529
Oh, cos there are these Irish twins,
509
00:23:10,530 --> 00:23:13,369
off the X Factor,
and they're called Jedward.
510
00:23:13,370 --> 00:23:15,009
Oh, right.
511
00:23:15,010 --> 00:23:16,529
We weren't talking about them.
512
00:23:16,530 --> 00:23:17,849
Funny, though.
513
00:23:17,850 --> 00:23:21,449
Their names are actually
John and Edward,
514
00:23:21,450 --> 00:23:24,649
so they get called... Jedward.
515
00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:28,649
(LAUGHS)
516
00:23:28,810 --> 00:23:30,929
We were talking about
funding applications.
517
00:23:30,930 --> 00:23:32,089
Fascinating.
518
00:23:32,090 --> 00:23:34,329
Yeah, fascinating(!)
519
00:23:34,330 --> 00:23:38,329
This is what I love about Oregon.
She's so curious.
520
00:23:39,010 --> 00:23:40,689
Keeps me on my toes.
521
00:23:40,690 --> 00:23:42,929
So what do you all study?
522
00:23:42,930 --> 00:23:46,489
Well, the boys do geology
and we do English and dentistry.
523
00:23:46,490 --> 00:23:49,049
I had no idea geology was so
popular.
524
00:23:49,050 --> 00:23:52,689
Why is it so popular, suddenly,
with your generation?
525
00:23:52,690 --> 00:23:53,769
Er, it isn't.
526
00:23:53,770 --> 00:23:57,489
I think... a lot of young people
are really into rocks
527
00:23:57,490 --> 00:24:00,089
and things that aren't going
anywhere.
528
00:24:00,090 --> 00:24:02,169
There's a certainty in rocks
529
00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:05,929
and I think
in the kind of post-9/11 world,
530
00:24:05,930 --> 00:24:07,809
young people strive for that.
531
00:24:07,810 --> 00:24:11,089
That makes sense.
I'm not sure it does.
532
00:24:11,090 --> 00:24:13,289
What else are young people into?
533
00:24:13,290 --> 00:24:16,489
Oh, God. That is such a good
question.
534
00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:19,889
I mean, lots of people don't
take an interest in young people.
535
00:24:19,890 --> 00:24:21,849
They just assume we're stupid
and have nothing to say.
536
00:24:21,850 --> 00:24:24,969
(CRUNCH)
537
00:24:24,970 --> 00:24:27,289
Well, I don't think
we can speak on behalf of every...
538
00:24:27,290 --> 00:24:29,609
Cattle.
539
00:24:29,610 --> 00:24:31,089
Er, mythology.
540
00:24:31,090 --> 00:24:33,129
Central America's
making a big comeback.
541
00:24:33,130 --> 00:24:34,529
Is everyone all right for wine?
542
00:24:34,530 --> 00:24:37,209
And what about attitudes
towards sexual relationships?
543
00:24:37,210 --> 00:24:40,209
Ah, well. I can speak with a
little authority on that subject.
544
00:24:40,210 --> 00:24:43,889
I just want to explore,
just wanna be open to everything.
545
00:24:43,890 --> 00:24:45,129
Steb, tell us about Kiev.
546
00:24:45,130 --> 00:24:48,049
I think a lot of young men
are more Victorian about it now.
547
00:24:48,050 --> 00:24:50,449
And they lose their
virginity very late
548
00:24:50,450 --> 00:24:51,889
and...
549
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:54,809
end up starting their early 20s
disgusted by sex
550
00:24:54,810 --> 00:24:58,809
and hating the women
they're actually attracted to.
551
00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:00,929
(OREGON) More wine anyone?
552
00:25:00,930 --> 00:25:03,009
Interesting.
A sort of, er, caligynephobia.
553
00:25:03,010 --> 00:25:05,929
Mmm! That's a massive
over-simplification.
554
00:25:05,930 --> 00:25:08,089
What she said, not the phobia word.
555
00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:10,369
That's a big word. Very impressive.
556
00:25:10,370 --> 00:25:12,209
Why? What's your
experience as a man?
557
00:25:12,210 --> 00:25:14,489
Don't think he counts as a man.
558
00:25:14,490 --> 00:25:17,889
I like the way...
you just let it flop out.
559
00:25:17,890 --> 00:25:21,449
Steb! Tell us more about Kiev.
560
00:25:21,450 --> 00:25:25,449
Well, you know,
it's a city of contrasts.
561
00:25:25,450 --> 00:25:27,409
I think there's a fair amount
of having one's cake,
562
00:25:27,410 --> 00:25:29,089
whilst at the same time
stuffing one's face
563
00:25:29,090 --> 00:25:31,009
with said cake
for most women going on these days,
564
00:25:31,010 --> 00:25:34,409
whereby they want to believe
in romance and love,
565
00:25:34,410 --> 00:25:36,289
hence, you know,
Twilight and shit like that,
566
00:25:36,290 --> 00:25:38,809
so do things like get engaged
and commit to someone,
567
00:25:38,810 --> 00:25:41,209
only to then feel that they're
letting their feminist side down
568
00:25:41,210 --> 00:25:43,209
if they don't go around
shagging any old bloke
569
00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:44,929
at 3.19 in the morning.
570
00:25:44,930 --> 00:25:46,729
As I was saying, it's, er...
571
00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:48,089
it's a city of contrasts.
Mm.
572
00:25:48,090 --> 00:25:51,529
On the one hand...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. That sounds amazing.
573
00:25:51,530 --> 00:25:54,889
It's none of your business
what I do with Ben!
574
00:25:54,890 --> 00:25:56,969
Is it time for cheese?
His name was Glenn!
575
00:25:56,970 --> 00:25:58,589
I heard it through the fucking wall!
576
00:25:58,590 --> 00:25:58,892
This is fun.
577
00:25:58,743 --> 00:26:01,359
Don't judge me, Kingsley,
just because you can't do sex.
578
00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:05,559
I can do sex.
579
00:26:08,260 --> 00:26:10,660
Shall we adjourn to the
table-football table for coffees?
580
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,199
Hello, matey. Cunty Sykes.
581
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,119
JP!
582
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:26,799
It's for you!
583
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,639
Hey, duder! Whatta blow?
584
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,039
We need 50 quid for the float.
585
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,799
Cool. What's a float?
586
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,199
Oh, and cos everything's
gone a bit tits today,
587
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,439
Ralph won't be able
to come to the funeral.
588
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,239
What?
589
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,319
Yah. Shit and fans, my friend.
Shit and fans.
590
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,999
How am I meant to make it
to the funeral and back?
591
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,039
The last train's at six.
The station's, like, an hour away.
592
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,199
It's a riddle.
593
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,079
Can I have the 50 sheets back?
594
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,439
Yeah, all right. I'll see you later.
595
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,319
No, come on. Please. Dude.
596
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,239
Oh, for fuck's sake!
597
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,279
You OK?
598
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,279
Yeah, fine. It's just
a... misunderstanding with the lads
599
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,079
about the shit and fans and stuff.
600
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,119
Are you DJing at five?
601
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:11,799
Yeah, headlining.
602
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,639
Well, that's not headlining.
603
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:14,999
Well, I'm going on last.
604
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,999
That's the graveyard shift.I mean,
everyone will just be fucked.
605
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,759
Bloody hell!
606
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,159
Why is everyone always
trying to fuck me over?
607
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,239
I mean, yeah,
I'm rich and attractive,
608
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,159
but does that mean
that people should constantly
609
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,919
be trying to shit on me? Does it?
610
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,919
It might do.
611
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,559
OK. I'm gonna
go to the station now, so...
612
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:45,519
Why are you all dressed like that?
613
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:46,919
We're coming with you.
614
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,919
Oregon's on her way over. She's going
to drive us there and back.
615
00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:00,519
Holy shit.
616
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,679
Er, white wine, please.
617
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,239
Oh, I'm not actually a waiter.
618
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,799
Riesling, if you have it.
619
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,959
I don't think
they have any waiters here.
620
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,239
What? What's that?
621
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,279
Coming up.
622
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:17,559
30 years.
623
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:18,599
Really?
624
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,999
Well, I had, um, my horse for ten.
625
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,559
I suppose in horse years, that's...
Well, I don't want to say longer.
626
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:28,279
It's a similar amount of time.
627
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,719
I mean, I don't know
what I ever saw in Josie.
628
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,079
She's just a boring Welsh girl,
629
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,039
from boring Wales, who drinks.
630
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,319
I mean, sure she's nice, but...
631
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:39,919
she's boring, yeah?
632
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:41,039
Yeah, she's boring.
633
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,239
Every time we go out on the lash,
she ends up going on about you.
634
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,279
Yeah.
635
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:47,599
Really?
636
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,559
What sort of thing does she say?
637
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,559
Oh, I don't really listen.
638
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,159
It's worse than Oregon
moaning about the Slutty Professor.
639
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,879
Oh, come on,
what sort of things does she say?
640
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:00,759
Oh, you know. How annoying you are.
641
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,279
What a dick you can be.
642
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,079
How funny you are,
but that doesn't matter.
643
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:07,119
Really?
644
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,759
Have you had any of the food?
It's fucking good.
645
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,759
Do you... Can I... I'm so sorry.
Wow, that is smooth.
646
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:18,319
Hi. Sorry...
Sorry for your loss, still.
647
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,599
Thank you.
648
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,599
No, seriously, if I knew the food
was going to be this good
649
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,559
at my dad's funeral,
I'd kill the fucker tomorrow.
650
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,679
Come on, let's go.
I've worked the room.
651
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,680
There's people waiting to
be rocked and DJ Rape is
652
00:29:34,681 --> 00:29:36,679
going to rock them, whether
they like it or not.
653
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:41,679
Oh, my God. Tell me you didn't
put that on the flyers.
654
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:51,199
MOBILE RINGS
655
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:52,919
Hello.
656
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:53,959
(OREGON) Hi, it's me.
657
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,960
Hey, sexy. Where have you been?
Dinner's ready.
658
00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:57,959
I've go something hot
and sticky for you.
659
00:29:58,520 --> 00:29:59,559
I've had to go to a funeral and...
660
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:00,599
What?
661
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,639
It's no biggie.
I'm going to a party later.
662
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:04,999
You're going to a party?!
663
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,799
It's not part of the funeral.
It's a... Love Cloud thing.
664
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,239
I've cooked a whole turbot.
665
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:11,839
Freeze it?
666
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,839
HOWARD: Turbots lose their flavour
if you freeze them.
667
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,439
What? Hello, who's that?
Am I on speakerphone?
668
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:19,759
I'm driving.
669
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:20,839
VOD: I hate turbot.
670
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,159
When someone slaps you in the face
with one, it fucking hurts.
671
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:25,799
Look, Oregon, how long?
672
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:26,999
JP: Guys, fuck Tony.
673
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,439
We're going to be late-issimo.
Oregon, that's the exit coming up.
674
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,679
KINGSLEY: Signal, Oregon.
What the fuck, did you signal?!
675
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:34,879
Oregon, can we just...
676
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:36,719
Sorry, Tony, I've got to go. Bye!
677
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,359
Wait. Oregon. Oregon?
678
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:42,359
GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC
679
00:30:44,470 --> 00:30:48,469
THUMPING DANCE MUSIC
680
00:30:53,750 --> 00:30:55,149
Guys! I made it!
681
00:30:55,150 --> 00:30:57,349
Let's get this party started!
682
00:30:57,350 --> 00:30:58,509
It has started.
683
00:30:58,510 --> 00:31:00,069
Well... let's keep it going.
684
00:31:00,070 --> 00:31:01,109
JP, no, listen.
685
00:31:01,110 --> 00:31:04,909
Didn't think you'd show, so had to
get a replacement DJ in for 5am.
686
00:31:04,910 --> 00:31:07,509
What?! Well, un-get the DJ.
687
00:31:07,510 --> 00:31:08,909
I'm here! Cancel him!
688
00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:10,149
Firstly, it's a she,
689
00:31:10,150 --> 00:31:14,149
and secondly, she is really fit,
so no. Sorry, geeze.
690
00:31:16,670 --> 00:31:18,709
Who's up for
getting fucking smashed?
691
00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:22,709
Yeah? Fucking Love Cloud... oh.
692
00:31:23,030 --> 00:31:27,029
Apparently, Josie slags me off
when she gets pissed.
693
00:31:27,630 --> 00:31:30,389
Am I mad that I find encouraging?
694
00:31:30,390 --> 00:31:34,389
Depends if it's like, "Oh, Kingsley
takes so long in the shower!"
695
00:31:35,470 --> 00:31:37,789
Or more, "Kingsley's morally bankrupt"
696
00:31:37,790 --> 00:31:41,789
"and every single thing about him
makes me shiver with repulsion."
697
00:31:46,470 --> 00:31:47,669
What do you want, then?
698
00:31:47,670 --> 00:31:50,509
I want you to be here next term.
699
00:31:50,510 --> 00:31:51,909
I don't think they do that.
700
00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:55,469
One tequila, one sambuca.
701
00:31:55,470 --> 00:31:56,669
Why do you care anyway?
702
00:31:56,670 --> 00:31:59,789
You won't be there, you'll be
in IKEA, writing down the names
703
00:31:59,790 --> 00:32:02,309
of chairs with a tiny pencil
and eating turbots.
704
00:32:02,310 --> 00:32:03,949
I won't!
705
00:32:03,950 --> 00:32:06,189
I'll be straddling
the house and the flat.
706
00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:09,549
Straddling Shales like the
sweaty man hog he is, more like.
707
00:32:09,550 --> 00:32:11,469
Right, that's it,
I'm going to do it.
708
00:32:11,470 --> 00:32:13,629
Close the deal.
709
00:32:13,630 --> 00:32:16,789
Funeral, nightclub,
it's the end of term,
710
00:32:16,790 --> 00:32:20,069
If she freaks, I can just say I was
drunk on cocktails and grief
711
00:32:20,070 --> 00:32:21,349
for a man l've never met.
712
00:32:21,350 --> 00:32:22,909
I can still have fun, you know.
713
00:32:22,910 --> 00:32:25,189
Oh, sure. Loads of fun.
714
00:32:25,190 --> 00:32:28,189
Just so as long as you're home
in time to make him his cocoa
715
00:32:28,190 --> 00:32:32,189
and read him the Guardian
while you have to pull him off?
716
00:32:54,590 --> 00:32:56,709
A-mazing stroke play, huh?
717
00:32:56,710 --> 00:32:58,949
I mean, it is Rafa Nadal's backhand,
718
00:32:58,950 --> 00:33:01,309
if he was in the final
of Wanker's Wimbledon.
719
00:33:01,310 --> 00:33:03,310
You're not even going
to be able to look
720
00:33:03,311 --> 00:33:05,309
at your strawberries
and cream after this.
721
00:33:05,710 --> 00:33:06,749
Who sent you that?
722
00:33:06,750 --> 00:33:07,789
JP.
723
00:33:07,790 --> 00:33:10,029
Said to keep it
on the down low, but, um...
724
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,789
you can't not share this.
725
00:33:11,790 --> 00:33:14,469
I mean, it's the shizzle.
Who is this freak?
726
00:33:14,470 --> 00:33:16,269
He's gonna get monstered.
727
00:33:16,270 --> 00:33:18,069
That... that's...
728
00:33:18,070 --> 00:33:20,949
That's... that's actually me.
729
00:33:20,950 --> 00:33:24,189
(THEY LAUGH)
730
00:33:24,190 --> 00:33:27,029
Guys, check this out,
we have a celebrity in the house!
731
00:33:27,030 --> 00:33:30,229
What you've just done is probably
the noblest thing anyone
732
00:33:30,230 --> 00:33:33,829
has ever done in relation to wanking
in the entire history of wanking.
733
00:33:33,830 --> 00:33:35,469
Thank you.
734
00:33:35,470 --> 00:33:39,469
I mean, this is the guy.
The wonderful wizard of wank!
735
00:33:39,750 --> 00:33:41,189
Look, so he wanks. So what?
736
00:33:41,190 --> 00:33:43,309
Hey, Rafa, who's this?
Your ball boy?
737
00:33:43,310 --> 00:33:46,109
Just... Just leave him alone.
738
00:33:46,110 --> 00:33:50,109
(GROUP) Ooh-ooh!
739
00:33:53,950 --> 00:33:56,389
Ow! Fuck!
740
00:33:56,390 --> 00:33:59,229
Tobes, Cunty.
741
00:33:59,230 --> 00:34:01,429
Chuck me out in a minute,
I need to find someone.
742
00:34:01,430 --> 00:34:04,509
You're got to have to leave if
you're bleeding. Health and safety.
743
00:34:04,510 --> 00:34:08,509
Josie! Josie!
744
00:34:10,190 --> 00:34:11,669
I could get you a kebab.
745
00:34:11,670 --> 00:34:12,749
My mouth hurts.
746
00:34:12,750 --> 00:34:16,749
It's OK, I could eat it,
as a symbol of my gratitude.
747
00:34:18,350 --> 00:34:19,589
Can I get a kebab, mate?
748
00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:22,269
Course you can.
749
00:34:22,270 --> 00:34:26,269
Have you got any money?
750
00:34:30,270 --> 00:34:32,429
Has anyone seen Kingsley?
751
00:34:32,430 --> 00:34:36,189
It feels a bit weird hanging out,
you know, without his shitty jokes.
752
00:34:36,190 --> 00:34:38,909
Yeah, Ralph paid for everything.
753
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:39,949
He's a dude.
754
00:34:39,950 --> 00:34:42,669
Yeah, cost about 10K.
All Ralph's own money.
755
00:34:42,670 --> 00:34:46,669
He's like Bono, if Bono was cool.
756
00:34:47,550 --> 00:34:51,549
Oh, that is fucking out of order.
757
00:34:56,870 --> 00:34:58,309
All right! I just wanna say,
758
00:34:58,310 --> 00:34:59,989
big up, JP!
759
00:34:59,990 --> 00:35:02,749
Yeah, a lot of people think
he's a posh lob-on, and fair dos.
760
00:35:02,750 --> 00:35:06,749
But truth is, he shelled out
for all this, so... kudos.
761
00:35:08,470 --> 00:35:10,949
CHEERING
762
00:35:10,950 --> 00:35:14,269
What the fuck?! Are you going
to tell that lesbo to fuck off?
763
00:35:14,270 --> 00:35:18,269
No. You fuck off.
764
00:35:20,790 --> 00:35:21,829
Thanks, Vod.
765
00:35:21,830 --> 00:35:25,829
Really appreciate it,
but this wasn't all paid for by me.
766
00:35:26,430 --> 00:35:30,429
In fact, this night
was paid for by my dad.
767
00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:34,669
So I'd like everyone to raise
a glass to my late father.
768
00:35:36,630 --> 00:35:37,669
To dead Dad!
769
00:35:37,670 --> 00:35:39,629
(ALL) To dead Dad!
770
00:35:39,630 --> 00:35:42,629
Dad... this one's for you.
771
00:35:42,630 --> 00:35:45,469
Peace, love and good hunting.
772
00:35:45,470 --> 00:35:48,029
CHEERING
773
00:35:48,030 --> 00:35:49,749
♪ Papa was a player
774
00:35:49,750 --> 00:35:51,069
♪ Player wasn't papa
775
00:35:51,070 --> 00:35:54,629
♪ Papa loved the ladies
Never got enough of
776
00:35:54,630 --> 00:35:55,909
♪ Pretty brown round
777
00:35:55,910 --> 00:35:57,469
♪ Runnin' round town
778
00:35:57,470 --> 00:36:00,749
♪ Hush, don't tell your mother
what's goin' down
779
00:36:00,750 --> 00:36:02,989
♪ So many kids I knew
Never knew who Pop was... ♪
780
00:36:02,990 --> 00:36:06,989
DANCE MUSIC
781
00:36:13,470 --> 00:36:16,269
I've just eaten a whole turbot.
And they're rich.
782
00:36:16,270 --> 00:36:20,269
Um... where the fuck are you?
783
00:36:20,910 --> 00:36:22,429
Um, so, yeah, give me a shout.
784
00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:26,429
Er, or if you're on your way back,
then... just ignore this, obviously.
785
00:36:28,390 --> 00:36:31,349
Cool. Bye.
786
00:36:31,350 --> 00:36:35,349
I lo... I love you. Bye.
787
00:36:37,630 --> 00:36:38,829
One, two.
788
00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:41,509
Vod, you've got to stay.
789
00:36:41,510 --> 00:36:44,029
I mean, cos then
we can have more nights like this.
790
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:46,349
And also because...
791
00:36:46,350 --> 00:36:50,349
Well, you're my best...
792
00:36:50,470 --> 00:36:53,029
Ah, fuck it.
793
00:36:53,030 --> 00:36:54,909
All right. I'll go to the interview.
794
00:36:54,910 --> 00:36:57,629
It's not like I've got
anything else planned...
795
00:36:57,630 --> 00:36:59,309
Wicked! OK! OK!
796
00:36:59,310 --> 00:37:01,549
We've got to think
of things for you to say.
797
00:37:01,550 --> 00:37:04,109
So, who's your favourite author
on the course?
798
00:37:04,110 --> 00:37:06,069
Easy. Great Gatsby.
799
00:37:06,070 --> 00:37:07,869
He's a book, not the author.
800
00:37:07,870 --> 00:37:11,309
The Great Gatsby wrote a book
called Great Gatsby?
801
00:37:11,310 --> 00:37:15,309
Aw, what a big fucking I-am.
802
00:37:15,430 --> 00:37:17,309
Hey! You're back. Where's Josie?
803
00:37:17,310 --> 00:37:18,629
Upstairs.
804
00:37:18,630 --> 00:37:20,469
Great.What happened to you?
805
00:37:20,470 --> 00:37:24,469
Doesn't matter!
806
00:37:36,950 --> 00:37:40,949
Josie?
807
00:37:42,910 --> 00:37:45,389
For fuck's sake!
808
00:37:45,390 --> 00:37:46,829
Stop sleeping with him!
809
00:37:46,830 --> 00:37:49,909
Well, I couldn't find you.
810
00:37:49,910 --> 00:37:53,389
That's the worst excuse
I've ever heard in my life!
811
00:37:53,390 --> 00:37:56,509
It's not her fault, K-man.
812
00:37:56,510 --> 00:38:00,509
I'm just irresistible.
813
00:38:03,190 --> 00:38:07,189
(SIGHS)
814
00:38:09,110 --> 00:38:13,109
♪ One by one my friends dropped out
815
00:38:14,070 --> 00:38:17,789
♪ Now I've got brothers
to share my doubts
816
00:38:17,790 --> 00:38:21,789
♪ On what this business
is all really about
817
00:38:22,350 --> 00:38:26,349
♪ Waiting on tomorrow
818
00:38:26,510 --> 00:38:30,509
♪ Waiting on tomorrow
819
00:38:31,830 --> 00:38:34,309
♪ We can be strong
820
00:38:34,310 --> 00:38:35,349
♪ Strong... ♪
821
00:38:35,350 --> 00:38:39,349
(SINGS GIBBERISH)
822
00:38:41,510 --> 00:38:43,429
♪ ... Strong
823
00:38:43,430 --> 00:38:47,429
♪ Strong, strong...
824
00:39:09,670 --> 00:39:13,069
♪ Signed myself out today
825
00:39:13,070 --> 00:39:15,589
♪ I sent a letter far away
826
00:39:15,590 --> 00:39:19,589
♪ I said, "Baby, come home today"
827
00:39:20,990 --> 00:39:24,989
♪ I'm here and it's tomorrow
828
00:39:26,110 --> 00:39:29,949
♪ I'm home and it's tomorrow
829
00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:33,509
♪ We can be strong
830
00:39:33,510 --> 00:39:35,469
♪ Strong
831
00:39:35,470 --> 00:39:38,669
♪ Strong
832
00:39:38,670 --> 00:39:41,869
♪ We can be strong
833
00:39:41,870 --> 00:39:43,829
♪ Strong
834
00:39:43,830 --> 00:39:47,229
♪ Strong
835
00:39:47,230 --> 00:39:50,309
♪ We can be strong
836
00:39:50,310 --> 00:39:54,309
♪ Strong, strong
837
00:39:55,510 --> 00:39:58,669
♪ We can be strong
838
00:39:58,670 --> 00:40:02,669
♪ Strong, strong... ♪
59699
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