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1
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,519
Drink, drink, drink,
drink!
2
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,519
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
3
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:43,879
First time...
4
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,359
I don't remember much.
5
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,719
I know his name was Onion
6
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,639
And I got him to do it again, cos first
time, I was like, "Nah, mate, seriously!
7
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,079
"I want my money back."
8
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:56,639
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
9
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,479
OK, er... Full moon party, Thailand.
10
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,199
It was literally so random.
11
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,159
Um... amazing.
I don't remember his name.
12
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,159
I thought you said his name was Lars
and he's your Facebook friend
13
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:12,399
And he sends you a virtual chicken
every week on Farmville.
14
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,399
I've... I've nailed a lot of guys.
I've been sent a lot of chickens.
15
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,119
I don't keep a book, sweetheart.
16
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:24,119
I can confirm that ... technically
speaking ... I'm not a virgin.
17
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,119
Come on, what's the story?
18
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,919
I've got my own methods.
19
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,920
We can get into it if you
insist, but I may need
20
00:01:29,921 --> 00:01:31,919
Some graph paper and a
medical encyclopaedia.
21
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,799
Yeah. Why don't we come back
to that another night?
22
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,079
So, um, I was on holiday, as you do.
23
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,239
And, um...
24
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,559
There was this... babe
on the caravan site.
25
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:50,559
She was a friend of my family
and, um, she sort of ran the site.
26
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:55,239
And, er, one night, in her luxury
caravan, it just happened.
27
00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,799
She ran the site?
28
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:00,919
How old were you?
29
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:03,079
Just the normal age.
30
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,399
- 12.
- 12?!
31
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,999
How old was she?!
32
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,399
Old enough!
33
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,239
What, like 50?
34
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,079
Not 50. Maybe...
35
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,159
- 35?
- 35?!
36
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,559
What?! It was like
a Mrs Robinson thing.
37
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,279
Mrs Robinson the paedo!
38
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,079
And... how was it for you?
39
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,159
It was good.
40
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,119
Yeah. Not my best ever.
41
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,219
But... a good, basic... sex.
42
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,719
She showed me the ropes.
43
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:35,839
The ropes?
44
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,799
Positions. Techniques. Yeah.
45
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,799
Stored all the info away,
like a sex squirrel.
46
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,399
Anyway.
47
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,400
Well, um, there's
nothing unusual about
48
00:02:51,401 --> 00:02:53,399
Popping your cherry
with a family friend.
49
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:59,159
I actually dislodged my V-plates
on my birthday,
50
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,359
When my Uncle Paulo
took me to Southampton.
51
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,279
Yeah. I don't think we should play
this game any more.
52
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,119
Right, there's nothing bad about it.
53
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,679
I don't think I want to hear this.
54
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,159
He bought me a hooker for my 18th.
55
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,479
- Urgh!
- What?!
56
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,479
She wasn't a munter!
She was dockside fine.
57
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,159
We're out of beer!
58
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,759
Grisly details down the pub?
59
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,359
Who's with me?
60
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,659
Guys?
61
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,940
Where've you been?
I've got to be home by ten.
62
00:03:36,941 --> 00:03:38,359
Gina'll be back from Zumba.
63
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,359
- Sorry.
64
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,759
You look amazing.
65
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:49,759
So, would it be very tacky, or very
sexy, to do it on the desk?
66
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,519
Tacky or sexy?
67
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,719
Sexy? Tacky?
68
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,319
Your desk?
69
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,159
I think it'll hold.
70
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,039
I thought we were going to go
for tapas.
71
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,839
Absolutely we're going for tapas.
72
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,679
I want you to tell me what you
thought of Bonnie versus Germaine,
73
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,439
the two Greers war
on Newsnight Review.
74
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,159
Well, you know that I think that
Bonnie is obviously King Greer.
75
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,559
Brilliant.
76
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,519
The thing is, we're on a tight
schedule
77
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,359
and I don't think they'll let us do
it at the tapas place.
78
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,119
Not after last time.
79
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,719
Ooh, I dunno...
80
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:25,959
I... just...
81
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,319
What about the car?
82
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,919
- What, like... dogging?
- Do you like that?
83
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:30,999
No!
84
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,639
Um...
85
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,079
How about the floor?
86
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:38,079
It's a good thought, but it's kind
of... burny, industrial carpet.
87
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,079
Did someone follow you?
88
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,179
- No!
- Bin.
89
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,959
I'm sorry for making you stay late,
90
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,959
But I need to talk to you due to
a certain ontological... confusion.
91
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,199
Your recent work has been
showing signs of what I would call...
92
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:01,839
Thank you.
93
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,999
- hegemonic historicism.
- Yeah.
94
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,919
So, it's very important that... Oooh!
95
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,839
That was close.
96
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,999
Still, exciting, huh?
97
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,959
Yeah...
98
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,559
Pretty... exciting.
99
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:51,199
Right, Howie. Me, you, pub, tonight?
100
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:55,399
Screw all these other assholes.
Let's just do one, me and you.
101
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,159
Let's get you hooned
with the Hoon Dog.
102
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,839
My metabolism has a very unique way
of processing alcohol.
103
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:04,079
No...one has ever, or will ever,
witness Howard drunk.
104
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,159
What's this?
105
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,399
- It's a list.
- Of what?
106
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,559
Of... everything.
107
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:13,279
Fudge... good. Denim... good.
108
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,479
Rollerblading... bad.
109
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,879
You are quite a specimen, my friend.
110
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,679
Like, two columns, good and bad.
111
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,279
My ultimate aim is to list
all known things known to man.
112
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,160
For instance, double
Gloucester ... that's good.
113
00:06:27,161 --> 00:06:29,039
Red Leicester ... that's bad.
114
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,679
Deep Impact ... good.
Armageddon ... definitely bad.
115
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,519
At first, I thought Coke Zero was bad.
Now I'm thinking maybe it's good.
116
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,759
I just need more time
to think about it.
117
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,639
It's actually quite a complicated
product.
118
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,039
Are you on the spectrum?
119
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,119
I mean, it's exactly shit like this
120
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:49,119
Which is why you need to come with me
to the pub, tonight, for a bev-er-age.
121
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,559
I suppose I could come, in order
to be able to categorise accurately.
122
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:54,999
Exactly.
123
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,999
I can teach you... how to become a
normal, walking, talking, Homo sapien.
124
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,119
A wolf in sheep's clothing.
125
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,799
I'll learn all I can about
the "normals".
126
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,799
And then, eventually,
I'll use it against them.
127
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,839
Exactly
128
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:24,239
Do you want to talk about it?
129
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,879
- Talk about what?
- How you lost your virginity.
130
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,159
It's a true story.
131
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,079
Yeah, I know.
It's just... you were 12.
132
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:36,079
And I... I just wondered if maybe
that's where your issues come from?
133
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,879
- What issues?
- It's just...
134
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,879
A woman who was meant to be
looking after you had sex with you.
135
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,359
- It doesn't sound great, does it?
- Josie...
136
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,999
Plus... a caravan site.
137
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,519
What if she still works there?
138
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,479
Don't you think it's your duty
to report it?
139
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,879
Josie, we don't need to
do... anything.
140
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,079
Because...
141
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,079
What I said wasn't it.
142
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,879
She did exist, the woman, but...
143
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,759
we never actually...
144
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,999
So, why did you say you did?
145
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,999
Blimey! Oof!
146
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,839
Um...
147
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,079
Aw... Kingsley.
148
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,279
- What? What are you thinking?
- H!
149
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,719
You are way off the scent,
sister, I can tell you that for sure.
150
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,599
It is nothing to be embarrassed
about.
151
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,879
It's not what you think.
152
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,319
But if it is, which obviously it is,
153
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,999
You wouldn't say anything to anybody,
would you?
154
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,799
Not to the others, or your friends,
or your parents?
155
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,319
Why would I tell my parents?
156
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,159
It's just because of my mum.
157
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,559
- I never really got a chance to...
158
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:56,199
Honestly, Kingsley, virginity's only
a big deal until you lose it.
159
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,999
I mean, I made Dave wait, like,
ages,
160
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,199
And then we did it and I was like,
"Is that it?".
161
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,900
Even now, I'm not really
sure what all the
162
00:09:01,901 --> 00:09:03,599
Fuss is about.
Do you know what I mean?
163
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:04,879
No!
164
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,799
No. God. Um, sorry.
165
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,119
Look.
166
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:14,119
I promise I won't tell another soul.
167
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,319
Kingsley's a virgin!
168
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,479
So, there must be some sort of
uni health club or something.
169
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,679
I mean, you work out, right?
170
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:30,119
No. Pretty unfit.
171
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,679
Not from where I'm standing.
172
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:36,679
I can't do exercise,
cos I've got severe athlete's foot.
173
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,319
I like to think of it
as the very definition of irony.
174
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,999
Would you, er, excuse us, ladies?
175
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,319
What are you doing?! They don't want
to hear about your fucking foot!
176
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,279
I'm just... being myself.
177
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,839
Why the fuck would you want to do
that?!
178
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,199
That is literally the most stupid
thing I've ever heard.
179
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,799
I'm here to teach you
how to be a real person.
180
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,039
Well, mebbe I don't want to be
taught.
181
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,040
OK. Well, don't think of
it as teaching, then.
182
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:03,039
Think of it as a
systems upgrade,
183
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,199
From Howard XP to Howard Vista.
184
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,199
- Right?
- Vista had security issues.
185
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,299
Fuck! It's Ralph.
186
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,999
Right, OK. Here we go.
187
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,199
- Why are you so nervous?
- I'm not nervous! Shut up!
188
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,959
Look, I'm going to go over there.
You stay here.
189
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,759
I'll stay here. But...
you're the one that asked me out.
190
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,399
OK. Come with me,
but you'd better be mute, OK?
191
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,159
You're my slave.
192
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,279
People don't have slaves any more.
193
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,439
Sure they don't
194
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:38,439
The cherimoya is a fruit
that originates from which country?
195
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,159
- Peru.
- Dunno, mate.
196
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:44,159
So, I was thinking of going maybe
to see Ross's DJ set. You up for it?
197
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:47,999
China, India, Malaysia or Peru?
198
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,239
Peru.
199
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,799
Was, mate. Meant to be a large one.
200
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,439
Only lassie who's sorting us out
for Class As has got meningitis,
201
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:59,159
Which, don't get me wrong, is a
tragedy, but... dude, keep it real!
202
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:03,159
What... I mean, if you need any shit...
I could always pick it up for you.
203
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,119
- For reals?
- Yeah, totes, bruv.
204
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,159
Whatever you want.
205
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,479
Fuck it, I'm gonna say "Peru".
206
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:15,479
- Correct answer!
- Yeah, baby, I'm a gee-nee-us!
207
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:21,079
Well, if you're serious... then here.
We want the lot, everything on there.
208
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,999
The ring ouzel is a type
of what bird?
209
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,199
Duck.
210
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,879
Yeah, cool. No problems.
211
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,319
That would be a duck.
212
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,319
- Incorrect answer!
- What the fuck?!
213
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,399
Hi, Kingsley.
214
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,559
Do you mind if we just...?
215
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,959
How are you, Kingsley?
216
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,719
Yeah, fine.
I'm just doing a bit of reading.
217
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,399
Me and Oregon
were just talking about society.
218
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,239
Yeah, how it's so sort
of sexualised nowadays.
219
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,799
- Is it?
- Definitely.
220
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,839
I mean, you look in school
playgrounds,
221
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,919
all the girls are wearing thongs, all
the boys are comparing dick sizes.
222
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,519
Are they?
223
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,999
Porno on your iPhone,
sex tips in your Ready Brek.
224
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,199
Society's always putting pressure
on people to do things, you know?
225
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,920
People are always, like,
"Have you done this?
226
00:12:08,921 --> 00:12:10,639
Have you done that?"
227
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,639
I mean, I've never tried risotto.
Who cares?!
228
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,519
Maybe I'm just waiting
for the right risotto.
229
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,719
Have you been talking to Josie?
230
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:20,359
- No!
- Yeah. She told us.
231
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,719
For fuck's sake!
232
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,719
What? Don't worry, Kingsley.
We won't tell anyone.
233
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:28,719
- Where are you going?
- For a walk.
234
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,579
Have you really never had risotto?
235
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:44,759
I'm not talking to you. Go away.
236
00:12:44,910 --> 00:12:47,589
We didn't mean to!
It just happened.
237
00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:50,829
He told me not to tell anyone.
Then you shouldn't have told us.
238
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:52,589
Well, it just came out!
239
00:12:52,590 --> 00:12:54,829
Bollocks! Why can't I keep a secret?
240
00:12:54,830 --> 00:12:57,509
Look, we were thinking...
241
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:01,509
There is something you could do,
maybe, to, like, make it up to him.
242
00:13:03,390 --> 00:13:06,869
Yeah. You could always offer to,
you know...
243
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,509
What?
Make it up to him.
244
00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:11,189
Ew!
245
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,389
You can't feel that bad, then.
246
00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:15,709
Yeah, if you felt that bad, you'd at
least think about it, wouldn't you?
247
00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:18,229
Would I?
I would.
248
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,509
God, if I'd betrayed a friend
like that...
249
00:13:20,510 --> 00:13:23,189
I mean, yeah.
250
00:13:23,190 --> 00:13:24,629
Why not?
251
00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:28,629
All you'll have to do is put your
vagina over his penis,
252
00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:31,490
for like, five seconds,
and, technically,
253
00:13:31,491 --> 00:13:33,189
He's not a virgin any more.
254
00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:37,189
Yeah. Hop on, hop off.
Like a city bus.
255
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:44,269
I mean, I guess
it's not a completely mad idea.
256
00:13:44,510 --> 00:13:46,429
What?!
257
00:13:46,430 --> 00:13:49,669
Nothing! No. I mean, if you're
up for it, you should go for it.
258
00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:52,789
I'm not up for it, I just wanna
make things OK with Kingsley.
259
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,669
And, also, I guess...
It's nice to help.
260
00:13:54,670 --> 00:13:55,709
Exactly.
261
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:58,509
You're in Greenpeace and Oxfam.
262
00:13:58,510 --> 00:14:01,509
This is closer to home.
Well, yeah.
263
00:14:01,510 --> 00:14:05,109
I mean, when you think about it,
it's kind of like...
264
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,669
Donating your organs.
265
00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:09,069
What about Dave?
266
00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:12,509
How do you feel about Dave?
H...
267
00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:15,429
I mean, last night
you blanked about ten of his calls.
268
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:18,069
No, I didn't.
You did.
269
00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:22,069
Well, I'm a bit confused,
because me and Dave...
270
00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:23,589
The thing is...
271
00:14:23,590 --> 00:14:25,349
I mean...
272
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:28,829
I was so worried about coming here,
because of how much I'd miss him,
273
00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:32,749
And he said not to worry, but now that
we're away from each other, it's like...
274
00:14:32,750 --> 00:14:35,269
I did miss him. I have missed him.
275
00:14:35,270 --> 00:14:36,469
A bit.
276
00:14:36,470 --> 00:14:39,509
But, at the same time,
I don't... actually... miss him,
277
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:42,029
Most of the time, really, at all.
278
00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:46,029
In fact, I'd say sometimes I'm really,
really glad he's such a long way away.
279
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:49,549
Why don't you just talk to him?
280
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:52,629
And say what?
Call him. Tell him how you feel.
281
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,389
I don't want to break up with him.
282
00:14:54,390 --> 00:14:56,109
Sounds like maybe you should.
283
00:14:56,110 --> 00:14:57,749
Really? Do you think so?
Do you?
284
00:14:57,750 --> 00:14:59,750
It hadn't occurred to
me, but if you think I
285
00:14:59,751 --> 00:15:01,749
Should, then maybe I should.
Do you think?
286
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:05,269
It is weird, I don't know.
287
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:06,389
Too weird?
288
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:08,189
But...
289
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:10,069
If you're gonna break up
with your boyfriend
290
00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,829
And then offer to shag
one of your housemates,
291
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:14,429
That's the sort of thing you should
be really sure about. I mean,
292
00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:18,429
That's the kind of thing
you should not rush into.
293
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,749
Fiver says she does it.
Done!
294
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:27,149
Wait, no...
I totally think she's gonna do it.
295
00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:30,789
OK, tenner.
Done.
296
00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:31,989
Wait...
297
00:15:31,990 --> 00:15:33,589
Fuck!
298
00:15:37,990 --> 00:15:41,989
Essays due in at the end of the week
and, here's an idea, why not read it
299
00:15:42,070 --> 00:15:46,069
and see what you think, rather than
calling up Professor Internet Explorer.
300
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:49,829
Oregon, could I see you
for a second, please?
301
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:51,469
I just wanted to say...
302
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:54,189
Sorry it's all been
a bit disappointing lately. Life...
303
00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:56,229
But my wife's publisher
is coming over for dinner tomorrow.
304
00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:59,109
The last thing I want to do is watch
them mentally fuck each other
305
00:15:59,110 --> 00:16:03,109
over a Caesar salad. And...
you're amazing, obviously.
306
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:08,029
So, I hope you don't mind,
but I've booked us a hotel,
307
00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:09,789
For a bit of a treat for us.
308
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:13,029
It's not a Travelodge, is it?
309
00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:16,469
It's not a Travelodge, is it?
No! God.
310
00:16:16,470 --> 00:16:18,629
Hh... I've got to finish my essay
tomorrow night.
311
00:16:18,630 --> 00:16:22,629
Well, if you want to hand it in late,
I can always... give you an extension.
312
00:16:24,470 --> 00:16:25,909
What?
313
00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:27,189
Joke.
314
00:16:27,190 --> 00:16:29,190
No. Can we just keep
things separate, OK?
315
00:16:29,191 --> 00:16:31,189
In here, you're my tutor.
316
00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:35,989
And there, well, you can still be
my tutor, cos it's kind of hot,
317
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:37,109
but don't mix the two things
together. OK?
318
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:41,109
Totally. In here, Professor Shales,
out there, Tony.
319
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:44,989
Tony don't need no essays.
Tony don't worry about no prostate.
320
00:16:44,990 --> 00:16:47,589
Tony's the good-time guy.
321
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:51,429
Thank you, Oregon.
322
00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:15,389
How's your essay?
323
00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:18,349
Really good. Yeah.
324
00:17:18,350 --> 00:17:20,469
I wouldn't mind reading it for you,
if you need a second opinion.
325
00:17:20,470 --> 00:17:21,669
Nah.
326
00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:24,189
That's cool, it's OK.
327
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:25,989
How's yours going?
328
00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:32,229
You know they've never made this?
329
00:17:32,230 --> 00:17:34,829
You...
What?
330
00:17:34,830 --> 00:17:36,349
Have you read it?
331
00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:38,789
What did I just say?
They've never made it.
332
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:41,989
Not even a teatime BBC cheapo.
333
00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:45,989
How am I supposed to read it if
they can't be bothered to make it?!
334
00:17:46,110 --> 00:17:49,149
Can you just summarise it for me,
a little bit?
335
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:53,029
I think you should read it.
It's really good!
336
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,389
Vod...
337
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:57,949
Just the girl I wanted to see.
338
00:17:57,950 --> 00:18:01,949
Um, you know how you're a junkie?
Vod is not a junkie.
339
00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:04,309
Whatever. Like a junkie.
340
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:08,309
Well, basically, I need to get
my hands on all of this.
341
00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:12,109
Yeah.
342
00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:14,309
Ha-ha. -huh.
343
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:18,229
OK. You know the cab office,
next to Kebabylon?
344
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:21,189
Ask for Pat. Say I sent you.
345
00:18:21,190 --> 00:18:23,069
Could you... come with me?
346
00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:25,869
You know, it'd just be really cool
for us to hang.
347
00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,589
No chance, mate.
348
00:18:27,590 --> 00:18:29,029
Essay due.
349
00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:33,029
And this bitch is saying
I've got to read the fucking book.
350
00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:35,549
Wingman.
351
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:37,829
Are you pissed off with me?
352
00:18:37,830 --> 00:18:40,229
No!
353
00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:43,389
Don't worry about it.
354
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:44,869
I'll read the book.
355
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:46,709
If you can read the book,
I can read the book.
356
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:50,709
I'll read the book. And then, I'll write
the best fucking essay you ever read.
357
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,349
Be top of the class.
358
00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:55,669
And then, when you ask me for help,
you know what I'll say?
359
00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:56,749
No.
360
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:57,789
Shh!
361
00:18:57,790 --> 00:18:58,889
I'm trying to read.
362
00:19:18,430 --> 00:19:20,069
H-rrr-aahh-ahhh!
363
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:22,949
Mahhh!
364
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:32,229
Hh-ah-ahhh!
365
00:19:45,430 --> 00:19:49,029
Hi, Kingsley.
366
00:19:49,030 --> 00:19:52,589
I'm really sorry about Vod
and Oregon finding out...
367
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:55,469
They didn't "find out",
did they, Josie? You told them.
368
00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:57,429
They got it out of me.
369
00:19:57,430 --> 00:20:01,429
Anyway, um, I wanted to ask you...
370
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:03,949
Um, I have a proposition for you.
371
00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:05,469
Not a proposition.
372
00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:08,189
Um...
373
00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:11,069
You... have an obstacle.
374
00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:12,829
You're a colleague.
375
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:16,829
And I have the, um, natural
resources available to me
376
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:21,469
To facilitate a solution.
377
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,589
What natural resources?
What are you talking about?
378
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,029
Sex.
379
00:20:25,030 --> 00:20:27,149
God, is that...?
It's fine.
380
00:20:27,150 --> 00:20:31,109
What were you saying?
So, yeah, no biggy.
381
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,589
Um... just talking about us...
382
00:20:33,590 --> 00:20:35,949
Having sex.
383
00:20:35,950 --> 00:20:37,869
Yes, please.
384
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:41,869
I mean... yeah, no, that could work,
I dunno.
385
00:20:43,990 --> 00:20:46,709
I guess. Or not.
386
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:50,109
But, yeah, gut reaction,
387
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:51,909
could work.
388
00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:53,989
And, um, I know
what you're thinking,
389
00:20:53,990 --> 00:20:56,349
you're thinking, "Yeah,
but Josie's got a boyfriend,"
390
00:20:56,350 --> 00:20:59,189
But the fact is, I'm going to be
breaking up with him,
391
00:20:59,190 --> 00:21:01,509
So I'll be, like, single and free
392
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,549
and you'd really be doing me
the favour,
393
00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:06,189
Because, after such a long time
with the same person,
394
00:21:06,190 --> 00:21:10,189
It would just be so great for me to
get the chance to bust some moves.
395
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:14,189
Well, I mean, it just sounds like it
would be a mutually useful enterprise.
396
00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:15,469
Exactly!
397
00:21:15,470 --> 00:21:17,949
So, you want to?
I don't mean... I just...
398
00:21:17,950 --> 00:21:21,949
I mean, you would be interested
in the deal I'm proposing?
399
00:21:22,230 --> 00:21:24,069
Yeah.
400
00:21:24,070 --> 00:21:26,509
Yeah, sure, I'm interested.
401
00:21:26,510 --> 00:21:27,829
I'm an interested party.
402
00:21:27,830 --> 00:21:31,789
Great! So...
How do we...?
403
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,389
I guess we just put something
in the diary, right?
404
00:21:33,390 --> 00:21:34,909
Exactly. Let's diarise this mo-fo.
405
00:21:34,910 --> 00:21:36,829
Exactly. Let's diarise this mo-fo.
We could pencil in, say, tomorrow?
406
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:38,909
Tomorrow? Seems feasible.
Around eight o'clock?
407
00:21:38,910 --> 00:21:41,629
Eight... it is.
408
00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:44,949
This is a good arrangement.
This is a good arrangement.
409
00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:46,249
OK.
410
00:22:20,270 --> 00:22:21,509
How come you're up?
411
00:22:21,510 --> 00:22:23,949
Have you ever read this?
412
00:22:23,950 --> 00:22:25,629
No. Is it good?
413
00:22:25,630 --> 00:22:27,589
Yeah.
414
00:22:27,590 --> 00:22:29,889
Yeah. I think it's kind of...
415
00:22:31,870 --> 00:22:33,769
amazing.
416
00:22:52,710 --> 00:22:56,069
Hi, Dave! It's me.
417
00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:57,389
Yeah, um...
418
00:22:57,390 --> 00:22:59,749
I just wanted to have a chat
about something.
419
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:02,629
Are you...?
420
00:23:02,630 --> 00:23:05,989
Are they?
421
00:23:05,990 --> 00:23:09,989
Of course. No, no, I didn't.
That's one of the reasons why I...
422
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:12,669
What?
423
00:23:12,670 --> 00:23:14,749
No, n...no, don't.
424
00:23:14,750 --> 00:23:17,629
Don't. Dave. Dave.
425
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:20,129
Hello!
426
00:23:44,110 --> 00:23:46,629
Hey, Sheepy. We're drinking.
427
00:23:46,630 --> 00:23:48,109
You drinking?
428
00:23:48,110 --> 00:23:50,349
With the rest of the ape team?
I dunno.
429
00:23:50,350 --> 00:23:54,349
I'm a bit worried they might fashion a
weapon from a bone and club me to death.
430
00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:58,349
Don't take this the wrong way,
431
00:23:58,350 --> 00:24:01,229
but when I said
you should switch to drama,
432
00:24:01,230 --> 00:24:03,669
I didn't think you'd actually do it.
433
00:24:03,670 --> 00:24:05,789
Yeah, it was... it was a few things.
434
00:24:05,790 --> 00:24:07,229
It wasn't just you.
435
00:24:07,230 --> 00:24:08,629
Sure.
436
00:24:08,630 --> 00:24:12,469
I should apologise.
I just have this effect on people.
437
00:24:12,470 --> 00:24:15,829
If I was an insect,
I would have warning stripes.
438
00:24:15,830 --> 00:24:19,829
Yeah, and if I was a bird,
I might eat you anyway.
439
00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:24,149
Listen, the others
are all down the bar.
440
00:24:24,150 --> 00:24:27,749
I'll stand you a tequila?
441
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:31,749
I meant eat you like an insect.
Not rude, just... Yeah.
442
00:24:47,030 --> 00:24:49,509
Are you... in character?
443
00:24:49,510 --> 00:24:50,909
No!
444
00:24:50,910 --> 00:24:54,029
Just... Don't worry about it, OK?
445
00:24:54,030 --> 00:24:56,109
I've got it covered.
446
00:24:56,110 --> 00:24:58,749
So why am I here?
Because you're my wingman now.
447
00:24:58,750 --> 00:25:01,029
How long do I have to be Wingman for?
448
00:25:01,030 --> 00:25:04,629
Right, it's not "Wingman", Howard.
You're not a fucking superhero.
449
00:25:04,630 --> 00:25:06,949
Now, go and talk to the guy.
You've got nothing to lose.
450
00:25:06,950 --> 00:25:08,949
Absolutely not.
451
00:25:15,670 --> 00:25:17,989
Yes, boys. How can I help you?
452
00:25:17,990 --> 00:25:20,389
Well, boss, could, er...
453
00:25:20,390 --> 00:25:23,469
Could you hook us up
with a... er, cab?
454
00:25:23,470 --> 00:25:24,749
Yes, mate. Where to?
455
00:25:24,750 --> 00:25:27,249
Well, blud, we need it to...
456
00:25:28,790 --> 00:25:31,289
Lashville. You get me?
457
00:25:33,350 --> 00:25:34,629
You got a postcode?
458
00:25:34,630 --> 00:25:37,389
Not a cab!
459
00:25:37,390 --> 00:25:39,669
A cab. Yeah?
460
00:25:39,670 --> 00:25:41,709
To Mount Snowdon.
461
00:25:41,710 --> 00:25:43,349
Highest peak in the UK.
462
00:25:43,350 --> 00:25:46,149
Mash-up.
463
00:25:47,510 --> 00:25:49,549
We're here to see Pat.
464
00:25:49,550 --> 00:25:50,629
Violet sent us.
465
00:25:50,630 --> 00:25:52,349
Through there.
466
00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:54,629
Safe.
467
00:25:56,230 --> 00:25:59,429
Wait... There's something not right
about this.
468
00:25:59,430 --> 00:26:02,109
OK, great. Let's go.
We can't!
469
00:26:02,110 --> 00:26:03,229
Ralph needs his stuff.
470
00:26:03,230 --> 00:26:06,429
Can't... just... you go in?
471
00:26:06,430 --> 00:26:09,469
I mean, you've got so much less
to lose than I do.
472
00:26:09,470 --> 00:26:10,909
Why do you keep saying that?!
473
00:26:10,910 --> 00:26:14,029
Because it's true? Look at us!
474
00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:16,149
I mean, I'll probably end up being
Prime Minister or something one day.
475
00:26:16,150 --> 00:26:18,150
I don't want to be. It's just...
476
00:26:18,151 --> 00:26:20,149
That kind of shit happens
to guys like me.
477
00:26:20,430 --> 00:26:24,429
What difference does it make to you?
If you get sent down, so what?
478
00:26:25,030 --> 00:26:27,189
You've got your Xbox.
479
00:26:27,190 --> 00:26:28,669
You get three meals a day.
480
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:32,669
No offence, but I think you'd actually
fit in quite well with the nonces.
481
00:26:32,830 --> 00:26:35,149
How could that not be offensive?
482
00:26:37,150 --> 00:26:41,149
I can't stay long, I've got to be
home by 7, 7. 30 at the latest.
483
00:26:41,790 --> 00:26:43,509
Hello, darling!
484
00:26:43,510 --> 00:26:44,989
You've got a cat?!
485
00:26:44,990 --> 00:26:48,989
I had a word with the provost.
You have a harp?!
486
00:26:49,990 --> 00:26:53,589
It's just for decoration.
487
00:26:53,590 --> 00:26:55,429
Come.
488
00:26:55,430 --> 00:26:56,429
Sit.
489
00:27:00,310 --> 00:27:03,029
So, listen, I was wondering... Um...
490
00:27:03,030 --> 00:27:06,629
How do you make yourself cry
like that in class?
491
00:27:06,630 --> 00:27:07,829
It's amazing.
492
00:27:07,830 --> 00:27:11,669
Well, I've, um...
I've had a lot of practice.
493
00:27:11,670 --> 00:27:14,829
So... do you want to do this?
494
00:27:14,830 --> 00:27:17,309
Do I? Well...
495
00:27:17,310 --> 00:27:21,309
The question is... what? Because,
if it's backgammon, then... yes.
496
00:27:23,390 --> 00:27:24,749
If it's a more...
497
00:27:24,750 --> 00:27:26,269
I can't guarantee
you won't get hurt.
498
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:30,269
Do you mean physically,
or in a more emotional sense?
499
00:27:36,590 --> 00:27:38,989
Shall we... I mean, because...
500
00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:40,749
Different species...
501
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,389
Maybe we shouldn't...
502
00:27:42,390 --> 00:27:44,990
Or... maybe it's OK.
503
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,439
Wow.
504
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,319
Wowee.
505
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,639
Yeah.
506
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,639
Do I just... take it off, yeah?
507
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,159
Obviously.
508
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,119
What time is it?
509
00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:19,079
Got somewhere you need to be?
510
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:23,079
Sorry, I just don't want to be late.
I'm not...
511
00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:25,599
Wow.
512
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,159
No, I just...
513
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,079
I said I'd be home by 7.30.
514
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,999
Is that bad?
515
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,959
OK. First, you've never used
a condom before ... naughty boy...
516
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,839
Now you're out the door
like a bullet.
517
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,119
It's not like that.
518
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,999
Really, I've had an amazing time.
519
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:45,959
Cuddle?
520
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,399
Cuddle?
No! Don't spoil it...
521
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:52,279
Um, are you...?
I mean, was it all...
522
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:53,959
OK?
523
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:55,839
It worked.
524
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:57,719
God, I've had such an amazing...
525
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,559
I'm so sorry.
526
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:00,799
Can I call you?
527
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,159
No! Go on. Out!
528
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,719
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ahh-ahh!
529
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,439
Baa.
530
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,839
Mission accomplished.
531
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,839
So, shall we get the pre-lash going
with a bit of cha-cha-cha-ching?
532
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,759
Love to, P, only we'd better get
going.
533
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,459
Cool.
534
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,999
Um... there may be a problem.
535
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,239
Trainers, mo-fo.
536
00:29:30,790 --> 00:29:34,029
Well, couldn't you... maybe just lend
me something of yours?
537
00:29:34,030 --> 00:29:35,549
Sorry, mine's custom-made.
538
00:29:35,550 --> 00:29:38,789
It would be like lending you
my fountain pen or something.
539
00:29:38,790 --> 00:29:42,349
Yeah. Um, er...
540
00:29:42,350 --> 00:29:45,109
Howard, um... Lend me your shoes!
541
00:29:45,110 --> 00:29:46,269
No.
542
00:29:46,270 --> 00:29:48,149
A good wingman will always relinquish
his shoes!
543
00:29:48,150 --> 00:29:49,389
A good wingman will always
relinquish his shoes! No!
544
00:29:49,390 --> 00:29:51,669
You kids have fun.
Make yourselves at home.
545
00:29:51,670 --> 00:29:53,909
Bridget will show you where
everything is, won't you?
546
00:29:53,910 --> 00:29:56,589
Bridget will show you where
everything is, won't you? Fuck you.
547
00:29:56,590 --> 00:29:58,789
Howard, just get your stuff together.
548
00:29:58,790 --> 00:29:59,909
I don't have any stuff.
549
00:29:59,910 --> 00:30:01,069
I don't have any stuff.
Can we just go?
550
00:30:01,070 --> 00:30:04,469
We've got so to discuss. We're not
even close to a decision on France.
551
00:30:04,470 --> 00:30:06,069
Or chess.
552
00:30:06,070 --> 00:30:07,589
Or...
553
00:30:07,590 --> 00:30:09,869
Kettle Chips!
554
00:30:09,870 --> 00:30:13,389
I love Kettle Chips.
555
00:30:13,390 --> 00:30:16,029
How do you like it, Mrs Brown?
556
00:30:16,030 --> 00:30:19,669
I love it, Mr Brown.
557
00:30:19,670 --> 00:30:22,149
This is more like it, right? Yep.
558
00:30:22,150 --> 00:30:25,109
I've finished my essay, so we've got
all the time in the world.
559
00:30:25,110 --> 00:30:27,669
Yeah, well, tell Professor Shales
about the essay.
560
00:30:27,670 --> 00:30:30,309
Tony's all about the poontang.
561
00:30:30,310 --> 00:30:33,229
Ha. Yeah...
562
00:30:33,230 --> 00:30:35,149
It's about the absence
of femininity.
563
00:30:35,150 --> 00:30:37,229
You know there's not one single
woman in the whole book?
564
00:30:37,230 --> 00:30:39,269
You know there's not one single
woman in the whole book? Brilliant.
565
00:30:39,270 --> 00:30:41,429
You managed to finish it. Beverage?
566
00:30:41,430 --> 00:30:43,309
Yes, please. Why the face?
567
00:30:43,310 --> 00:30:44,829
What face? Gin and tonic OK?
568
00:30:44,830 --> 00:30:48,269
Yes, please. When I said about
the absence of femininity.
569
00:30:48,270 --> 00:30:49,829
It's a good angle.
570
00:30:49,830 --> 00:30:51,029
But?
571
00:30:51,030 --> 00:30:55,029
I've seen a lot of undergraduate
Susan Sontag impressions, that's all.
572
00:30:55,430 --> 00:30:59,149
Anyway, let's keep things separate.
Here.
573
00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:00,789
Whose is the shopping?
574
00:31:00,790 --> 00:31:02,469
It's mine.
575
00:31:02,470 --> 00:31:05,269
There's a really big Asda,
so I thought...
576
00:31:05,270 --> 00:31:07,149
Minibar prices and all that. Cheers.
577
00:31:07,150 --> 00:31:09,869
Cheers.
578
00:31:09,870 --> 00:31:12,509
So, what's the breakfast like?
579
00:31:12,510 --> 00:31:14,429
I love the tiny jams.
580
00:31:14,430 --> 00:31:17,309
I don't know, go crazy, have mine.
I think it's buffet style, but...
581
00:31:17,310 --> 00:31:18,090
I don't know, go
crazy, have mine.
582
00:31:18,091 --> 00:31:18,869
I think it's buffet style, but...
Why can I have yours?
583
00:31:18,870 --> 00:31:22,629
I can't stay. I've got ice cream
in the shopping.
584
00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:25,669
I said I was at the pub quiz,
so 11 at the latest.
585
00:31:25,670 --> 00:31:26,869
You're leaving me here?
586
00:31:26,870 --> 00:31:29,709
It'll be fun, a night in a hotel!
587
00:31:29,710 --> 00:31:31,589
What?! You said...
588
00:31:31,590 --> 00:31:35,189
You said you'd booked something special!
This isn't special, it's seedy!
589
00:31:35,190 --> 00:31:38,549
You might as well have booked
a motel and paid me by the hour!
590
00:31:38,550 --> 00:31:41,109
Don't be like that.
591
00:31:41,110 --> 00:31:43,189
Why have you got a boner?!
592
00:31:43,190 --> 00:31:44,989
I haven't got a boner!
593
00:31:44,990 --> 00:31:47,989
I'm upset, we're having an argument
and you've got a boner?!
594
00:31:47,990 --> 00:31:51,989
I haven't got a boner! It's just the
way my trousers... Look, look, look!
595
00:31:53,110 --> 00:31:55,309
All right. I find you exciting.
596
00:31:55,310 --> 00:31:58,109
I find this exciting.
I'm sorry, I can't help it.
597
00:31:58,110 --> 00:32:02,109
But we don't have to... do stuff.
We can just chat.
598
00:32:02,910 --> 00:32:05,549
It's not seedy if we chat, is it?
599
00:32:05,550 --> 00:32:06,669
You want to chat?
600
00:32:06,670 --> 00:32:08,269
Of course I do.
601
00:32:08,270 --> 00:32:12,269
Look, this isn't all just about,
you know... for me.
602
00:32:14,270 --> 00:32:16,389
This is about you, as a person.
603
00:32:16,390 --> 00:32:20,389
Come on, I want to talk more about
you, about your time in Cambodia...
604
00:32:20,910 --> 00:32:21,949
Thailand.
605
00:32:21,950 --> 00:32:23,989
Thailand. The Israeli guy,
606
00:32:23,990 --> 00:32:27,829
Could roll really enormous joints?
607
00:32:27,830 --> 00:32:29,269
That was funny.Yes.
608
00:32:29,270 --> 00:32:32,229
He was quite fun.
609
00:32:32,230 --> 00:32:34,709
God, so good.
610
00:32:34,710 --> 00:32:38,629
God, that was good. Good girl.
611
00:32:38,630 --> 00:32:41,109
Good girl.
612
00:32:44,470 --> 00:32:47,549
I'm telling you, this essay...
613
00:32:47,550 --> 00:32:50,029
It's probably going
to fucking revolutionise
614
00:32:50,030 --> 00:32:51,869
The entire history of history.
615
00:32:51,870 --> 00:32:55,269
I can't believe how fun it is,
writing an essay,
616
00:32:55,270 --> 00:32:57,069
When you've read the book!
617
00:32:57,070 --> 00:32:58,789
Glad you enjoyed it.
618
00:32:58,790 --> 00:33:00,149
Well, you're back early.
619
00:33:00,150 --> 00:33:03,589
Yeah, kind of shit night in the end.
620
00:33:03,590 --> 00:33:07,589
I'd love to hear about it, but I've
got another thousand words to go.
621
00:33:08,030 --> 00:33:11,229
How's it going, Kingsley?
622
00:33:11,230 --> 00:33:13,669
Doing something?
623
00:33:13,670 --> 00:33:15,189
Nothing... special.
624
00:33:15,190 --> 00:33:17,549
Glass of milk. Good idea.
625
00:33:17,550 --> 00:33:21,549
Good for you.
Keep your... strength up.
626
00:33:22,510 --> 00:33:24,709
Strengthens the bones...
627
00:33:36,070 --> 00:33:37,869
Come in!
628
00:33:42,190 --> 00:33:44,509
Um... music.
629
00:33:44,510 --> 00:33:45,949
I didn't know about music.
630
00:33:45,950 --> 00:33:49,109
I did candles, cos you can't go wrong
with candles. Come in.
631
00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:52,669
Come in. But music's one of those
personal taste things, isn't it?
632
00:33:52,670 --> 00:33:55,669
Dave likes to do it to a beat.
Sit down. Maybe that's too much.
633
00:33:55,670 --> 00:33:58,949
And, also ... here ... I didn't know
what kind of beat you'd want.
634
00:33:58,950 --> 00:34:00,949
A heavy beat might be too much
pressure,
635
00:34:00,950 --> 00:34:03,509
But if you don't have any beat,
and it's soft,
636
00:34:03,510 --> 00:34:04,869
is that just too cheesy?
637
00:34:04,870 --> 00:34:06,749
What if the lyrics are embarrassing?
638
00:34:06,750 --> 00:34:09,749
But, then, if you have no music
and it's all just quiet,
639
00:34:09,750 --> 00:34:13,749
And all you can hear are sounds...
cos sometimes when I get nervous,
640
00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:17,349
I get a dry mouth and make this
clacking sound, like...
641
00:34:17,350 --> 00:34:20,669
Like a... Like that, like a kind
of...
642
00:34:20,670 --> 00:34:21,989
So, I was thinking,
643
00:34:21,990 --> 00:34:24,469
If we get under the covers
and start from there.
644
00:34:24,470 --> 00:34:27,549
Um... Listen, Josie...
645
00:34:27,550 --> 00:34:29,149
You've changed your mind.
646
00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:31,389
Is it the candles?
It's too much, isn't it?
647
00:34:31,390 --> 00:34:32,829
No, no! It's not that.
648
00:34:32,830 --> 00:34:35,029
You look better in candlelight,
don't you?
649
00:34:35,030 --> 00:34:37,749
In case you saw me
and decided that you didn't fancy me.
650
00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,349
Josie, I fancy you.
651
00:34:39,350 --> 00:34:42,749
I mean, not actually... fancy...
652
00:34:42,750 --> 00:34:44,269
obviously.
653
00:34:44,270 --> 00:34:46,389
It's not gonna get complicated.
654
00:34:46,390 --> 00:34:48,669
But, I can look at you
655
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:52,669
And understand how
a generic person could...
656
00:34:53,590 --> 00:34:55,489
fancy you.
657
00:35:12,510 --> 00:35:15,029
The main thing is... you did it.
658
00:35:15,030 --> 00:35:17,949
Yeah. Yeah.
659
00:35:17,950 --> 00:35:20,789
I don't think it doesn't count,
just because you didn't...
660
00:35:20,790 --> 00:35:22,389
No? No!
661
00:35:22,390 --> 00:35:25,629
No, that's quite normal, I'd think,
first time round.
662
00:35:25,630 --> 00:35:28,109
I mean, you got it in.
663
00:35:28,110 --> 00:35:29,869
And that is the main thing.
664
00:35:29,870 --> 00:35:32,109
It does work.
665
00:35:32,110 --> 00:35:33,309
Normally.
666
00:35:33,310 --> 00:35:36,829
Just cos I...
667
00:35:36,830 --> 00:35:38,149
When I do it myself, sort of thing.
668
00:35:38,150 --> 00:35:40,149
When I do it myself, sort of thing.
That's good.
669
00:35:40,150 --> 00:35:44,149
I just think under the pressure,
probably, of the situation,
670
00:35:44,910 --> 00:35:48,229
It didn't want to actually...
671
00:35:48,230 --> 00:35:50,789
give forth.
672
00:35:54,910 --> 00:35:56,789
I did enjoy myself, though.
673
00:35:56,790 --> 00:35:59,869
Yeah. Yeah.
674
00:36:03,830 --> 00:36:04,909
What about you?
675
00:36:04,910 --> 00:36:06,149
Me?
676
00:36:06,150 --> 00:36:09,949
Was it weird? First time
after splitting up with Dave?
677
00:36:09,950 --> 00:36:12,829
Ha! Yeah...
678
00:36:12,830 --> 00:36:14,309
Yes and no.
679
00:36:14,310 --> 00:36:16,149
Ish.
680
00:36:16,150 --> 00:36:19,469
The main thing for you is, though,
you came in this room a virgin
681
00:36:19,470 --> 00:36:21,189
And you're leaving it not a virgin.
682
00:36:21,190 --> 00:36:23,309
How does that make you feel?
683
00:36:23,310 --> 00:36:25,589
It feels... yeah.
684
00:36:25,590 --> 00:36:27,289
Really brilliant.
685
00:36:35,430 --> 00:36:36,829
Anyway... thank you.
686
00:36:36,830 --> 00:36:38,309
Thank you very much.
687
00:36:38,310 --> 00:36:42,229
It's nothing. Quite all right.
688
00:36:42,230 --> 00:36:43,729
Thank you.
689
00:36:54,350 --> 00:36:55,389
Yay!
690
00:36:55,390 --> 00:36:57,589
Cherry pie?
691
00:37:01,710 --> 00:37:05,069
Come on.
692
00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:12,149
What's happening? Are you guys
having a party without me?
693
00:37:12,310 --> 00:37:14,309
Fuck's sake, guys. The other day,
694
00:37:14,310 --> 00:37:17,669
When I asked if someone wanted to
come to the pub with me,
695
00:37:17,670 --> 00:37:21,389
None of you could be bothered.
Am I just the posh idiot
696
00:37:21,390 --> 00:37:24,109
That you all secretly hate?
697
00:37:24,110 --> 00:37:25,829
No! Of course not!
698
00:37:25,830 --> 00:37:29,229
We thought you were out. Kingsley
lost his virginity five seconds ago.
699
00:37:29,230 --> 00:37:31,429
But I thought...
700
00:37:31,430 --> 00:37:33,389
The story about the paedo? Bullshit!
701
00:37:33,390 --> 00:37:35,269
It wasn't a paedo story.
702
00:37:35,270 --> 00:37:39,029
You were a virgin?! Whoa, sorry.
703
00:37:39,030 --> 00:37:41,429
The Pussyman was a virgin?
704
00:37:51,030 --> 00:37:54,469
Valiant effort, especially
considering your apparent phobia
705
00:37:54,470 --> 00:37:55,549
Of spellchecking.
706
00:37:55,550 --> 00:37:59,029
Well done, Oregon. Great work.
707
00:37:59,030 --> 00:38:02,189
Very original.
708
00:38:02,190 --> 00:38:03,589
Wow! Well done.
709
00:38:03,590 --> 00:38:07,589
Vod. Your opening salvo
was certainly impressive.
710
00:38:08,390 --> 00:38:09,749
"I read this book."
711
00:38:09,750 --> 00:38:11,429
I read the whole thing.
712
00:38:11,430 --> 00:38:14,709
"I really loved it.
It was fucking brilliant."
713
00:38:14,710 --> 00:38:16,709
Yeah. I know you read it.
714
00:38:16,710 --> 00:38:20,709
You make repeated references
to you experiencing reading it.
715
00:38:20,830 --> 00:38:23,149
This isn't an online blog,
Miss Nordstrom.
716
00:38:23,150 --> 00:38:24,909
This is a literature class.
717
00:38:24,910 --> 00:38:28,869
And we expect you to at least engage
some of your critical faculties.
718
00:38:28,870 --> 00:38:30,709
Do you know what those are?
719
00:38:30,710 --> 00:38:32,909
Yeah.
720
00:38:32,910 --> 00:38:36,909
Well, then. Fucking well use them!
721
00:38:41,430 --> 00:38:44,109
Here's a critical faculty ...
what a fucking cunt!
722
00:38:44,110 --> 00:38:46,469
Do you know what I mean?
723
00:38:46,470 --> 00:38:48,989
Yeah.
52839
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