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1
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,931
Steve hated
the fact that my mother
was engaged to Andy.
2
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:16,432
Oh, she's coming.
Yeah, give me
that gnome.
3
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,809
A man who, kind of,
looked like this.
4
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,895
Perfect!
5
00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,438
He'd even come up
with a theory about
why they were together.
6
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:25,441
Your magic spell
is about to be
broken, gnome.
7
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:29,028
And he was about to see
if he had been successful
undoing the spell.
8
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,489
Oh, there she is!
9
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,448
Sleep well?
10
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:35,159
Have any, uh,
interesting dreams?
11
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,203
You've asked me
that same exact
question
12
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,289
for two weeks now
and I keep
telling you that...
13
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,500
Wait a minute.
I do remember
my dream.
14
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:45,878
Was it horseback
riding, or...?
15
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,923
It was!
How did you know?
16
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,841
He knew it
because, believe it or not,
17
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,385
he'd actually spent
the last few weeks
18
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,262
trying to make her
have that dream.
19
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,305
And let's get my scent
and pump it into
her tree house.
20
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,723
And pictures of me.
21
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,308
Change all the photos
we have framed
into photos of me.
22
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,185
Done.
Oh, no, what's
going on here?
23
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,771
It's an idea I got
from this book
about mind control.
24
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,815
For some reason,
I felt compelled
to buy it
25
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:08,317
before I even
knew why,
but now I do.
26
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,528
This is clearly
what Andy's been
doing
27
00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:12,697
to control Emmy
into staying
engaged to him.
28
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,282
Well, now
it's my turn,
29
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:16,033
and I'm gonna permeate
her subconscious mind
30
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,160
with hidden images
and secret suggestions
31
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,162
to point out
how wrong
Andy is for her
32
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,456
and how I'm her knight
in shining armor.
33
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,958
Like in a romance novel.
34
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,626
That is
a great idea.
35
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:28,504
I'll have a romance
novel written about
star-crossed lovers
36
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,423
who deserve to be
together, but can't.
37
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,633
Not unlike ourselves,
but less premise-heavy.
38
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:33,760
And I'll leave it
around for her
to read.
39
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,014
And so, operation
dump-Andy began.
40
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,765
And pack it full of
subliminal sex stuff,
you know.
41
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,726
He hired a romance novelist
to write a novel.
42
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:44,020
You don't need to
shy away from
double entendre.
43
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,439
Like have her
eating a banana
44
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,524
while he's
making love to her.
45
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,194
He posed for the cover
of the book.
46
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,614
Of course, he got
Andy in there, too.
47
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,284
He even redid his kitchen
48
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,870
so he could have these
placed all around
the mansion.
49
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,747
All to lead up to this.
50
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:05,833
So what happened
while you were
horseback riding
51
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,710
in this dream last night?
52
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,378
Okay, we were
in the woods,
53
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,006
and the rider and I
54
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,882
made love.
55
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:16,469
Who is this rider
that you clearly
prefer to the...
56
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,221
Was there
some kind of a...
57
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,847
I don't know, like a...
58
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,726
Like an eco-gnome
that you were being
rescued from?
59
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,687
Aw, come on!
60
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,564
That's right.
It was Andy.
Andy?
61
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,066
Andy saved me
from you,
62
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,484
and then he took me
into the woods,
63
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,069
and he
made love to me.
64
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,362
No! That can't be!
65
00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:36,280
That's not the way
this romance goes.
66
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,949
It's like hearing
that Prince Charming
67
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,868
dry-humped
Sleeping Beauty
right before he
68
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,203
kissed her.
69
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,954
Yes, it is
disappointing.
70
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,248
As bad as finding out
that someone would try
to subliminally manipulate
71
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:48,418
your unconscious
with mind games!
72
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,546
What gave me away?
73
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,508
I don't know.
Maybe the fact that
copies of this book
74
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,344
are on the floors
of every bathroom
in this house.
75
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,429
Why did I
buy so many
copies of this?
76
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,973
Hey, wait.
Emmy, hang on.
77
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,350
Wait, I shouldn't have tried
to control your mind. Emmy!
78
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,102
Look, Emmy, Emmy,
Emmy, I'm sorry.
79
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,645
Okay, yes,
it was a bad idea.
80
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:09,105
I should have
been more direct.
81
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,731
I was only worried
that Andy had
already done it to you.
82
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,191
Because my mind
is so weak
83
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,526
and I'm that easy
to program?
84
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,819
Does that seem
like who I am?
85
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,320
Not when you
say it like that.
86
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,447
I couldn't think
of any other reason
87
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,157
why you'd be with
a guy like him.
88
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,868
I mean, I'm sorry,
but where's the romance?
89
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,579
Okay, first of all,
not that it is any
of your business,
90
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,581
but he and I have
a mature relationship.
91
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:31,085
It is not one
based off of dreams
and fairy tales,
92
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:33,921
horses and gnomes,
like that little
romance novel
93
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,047
you left lying around,
about the King of,
94
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,757
what was it,
Banana-land?
95
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,551
Interesting that
you'd remember that.
96
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,010
Did it ever
occur to you
97
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,848
that I'm engaged
to Andy because
I love him?
98
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,808
No. I can honestly say
99
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,435
that it's never occurred
to me that you love him.
100
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,520
Well, I do.
101
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,022
Okay, well, then forgive
the schoolyard quality
of this taunt,
102
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,566
but if you love
him so much,
103
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,775
why don't you
marry him?
104
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,193
What are you
talking about?
105
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,195
I'm engaged to him.
For six years.
106
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,489
There's a reason
that you haven't
married this guy.
107
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,574
Yeah, we can't afford it.
108
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,242
We always imagined
that our wedding
109
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,828
would be this
big celebration with
all of our friends,
110
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,663
and, no, we haven't
had a lot of time
or money
111
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:08,747
to make that happen.
112
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,207
Well, then
you're in luck,
113
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,668
because those are two
things that I have
a great deal of.
114
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,170
Yes, but I don't
want to marry you,
Steve.
115
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,921
Hey, look, I don't
want to marry anyone.
116
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,923
What I'm saying is,
if it's important
to you,
117
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,009
I'd be happy to pay for it
and take care of everything.
118
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:23,304
So it wouldn't bother
you if I ran off
and married Andy.
119
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,889
If it would
make you happy,
I'd be thrilled.
120
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,057
Thrilled now? Wow!
That's right.
121
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,517
I would be careful
if I were you,
122
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,935
because if you offer
to throw me a wedding,
123
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,520
I will take you up on it.
124
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,938
Well, then
consider it offered.
125
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,399
Consider it taken.
126
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,194
But Migo
was concerned.
127
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,362
Wow, man.
128
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,947
You just got
manipulated.
129
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:45,201
No, you were right.
I just needed
to be more direct.
130
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,078
Once she asks me
not to throw this
wedding,
131
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,456
she's gonna have to
admit that she doesn't
love this guy.
132
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,584
No, Steve.
Being direct is looking
somebody in the eye
133
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,712
and saying, "You don't
want to do this, Steve."
134
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,506
Yeah. First of all,
even an idiot
would get that,
135
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,090
although you did
say "Steve".
136
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,717
Look, I'm telling
you as a friend,
137
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,762
weddings are powerful,
archetypal type things.
138
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,555
You know how I ended
up getting married?
139
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,474
I met with my girlfriend
140
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,393
to explain how I'd
never get married!
141
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,229
You don't mess
with weddings.
142
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,649
Don't worry.
It's just a game
of chicken.
143
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:20,028
Yes, but it will become
a game of chicken
144
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,030
or fish.
145
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,407
I had just found out
146
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,660
that Steve was throwing
a wedding for my mom and Andy.
147
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,036
What are you rushing
into that for?
148
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,830
You've only been
engaged for six years.
149
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,499
Look, Andy and I
are gonna get
married someday,
150
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,917
but now is not the time.
151
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,460
And I am certainly
not gonna let the guy
152
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:39,338
who's trying to drive
me away from Andy
throw the wedding.
153
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,882
The priest would
probably end up
being Fa'ad in disguise.
154
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,635
Well, you better stop
Steve if you don't want
to get married.
155
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,804
I can't do that.
He'll think I don't
want to get married.
156
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,514
See, the thing is,
he won't admit
157
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,683
that he would be
devastated if I did
something like that.
158
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,894
So I am going
to call his bluff.
159
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,187
Don't worry.
I won't let him
spend any real money.
160
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,273
I don't know if this
is such a good idea.
161
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,649
That's because
you're a child,
162
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,693
and what you
don't understand
is that sometimes
163
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,736
when somebody tries
to make you do something,
164
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,363
you do the opposite
just to prove
165
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,698
you don't want to
be told what to do.
166
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,032
I did understand.
167
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,617
And that's why
when my mom said...
168
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,452
Don't you go telling Steve
that's what I'm doing,
169
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,205
because I know
you're gonna want to.
170
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,582
I did the mature thing.
171
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,292
So you're sure
she's bluffing.
172
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:17,502
Absolutely.
173
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,462
She said she wouldn't let
you spend any real money.
174
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,923
She just wants to hear
that you'd be hurt
if she married Andy.
175
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,175
Oh, thank goodness.
I've gotta tell you,
Steve,
176
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,510
I went to go tell my wife
177
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,470
about how crazy
this thing was
that you're doing,
178
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,681
and we'd like to
invite you to a party
179
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:33,559
in which we'll be
renewing our vows,
you bastard.
180
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,727
Well, I hope it's
not on the same day
181
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,020
that I'm throwing
Emmy's wedding.
182
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,479
Oh, no.
Yep.
183
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,231
Lunt's already
been brainstorming.
What do you got?
184
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:43,569
I'm thinking maybe
they could hunt and eat
the doves we release.
185
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,154
Are you out of your mind?
186
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,822
I've never done
a hippie wedding
before.
187
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,407
I don't know.
188
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,743
No, Steve, I don't think
you understand
what I was saying.
189
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,202
He does.
Oh, I did.
190
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,079
I am this close to
getting Emmy to admit
191
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,748
that she doesn't
want to marry Andy.
192
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,957
But what if she
doesn't do that?
193
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,001
Oh, she will.
You said it yourself.
194
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,545
Once I spend
any real money,
she'll put an end to it.
195
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,255
So it's time
to start spending.
196
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,757
Do you think
that's a good idea?
197
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,258
It's not,
and he does.
198
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,801
I don't get it.
199
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,220
Oh, honey,
200
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,930
you're a child.
You don't understand
201
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,807
that in a situation
such as this,
202
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,060
it becomes incumbent
upon the adult
203
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,270
who's accused
of bluffing to say,
204
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,691
"I know you are,
but what am I?"
205
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,569
So we're on again
for the responsible
eco-wedding?
206
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,573
I think it's time
for us to do
what I do best.
207
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,618
Irresponsible.
208
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:34,953
It's times like
these I wish I could stop
worrying about everything
209
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,205
and just be a grown-up.
210
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,582
In the days that followed,
211
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,000
Steve started throwing money
212
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,169
at a lavish wedding
planned for my mom,
213
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,547
who turned out to be
more interested in
saving her pride
214
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,217
than spending Steve's money.
215
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,428
First, she started adding
names to the guest list.
216
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,055
Steve countered
by adding more.
217
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,349
Then my mom wanted to redo
the place settings
218
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,643
because they clashed
with the architecture
of Steve's house.
219
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,603
Yeah, this is...
No, no, no,
no, no.
220
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,814
So Steve suggested
going medieval with
the whole wedding
221
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,400
and created
a fairytale theme.
222
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,693
So my mom acted
like she was all for it
223
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,488
and suggested adding
shows and games of skill.
224
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,823
So Steve pretended
he loved that
225
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,908
and decided to open
it to the public.
226
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,828
And that's how my mom's
little family and friends
eco-wedding
227
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,914
became, Things to do
on Long Island This
Weekend's
228
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,959
number one family fun pick.
229
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,756
But neither one ever blinked
in the game of chicken,
230
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,424
until this.
231
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,050
This is how much you've
spent on this wedding.
232
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,844
Sometimes, Migo,
in a game of chicken,
233
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,387
you gotta be
willing to...
234
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,180
No, no, no,
I'm not gonna
spend that.
235
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,724
Yeah, it's more
like a game of lobster.
236
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,142
And she doesn't
look like she has
237
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:39,643
any intentions
of backing down.
238
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,062
Yeah, but Puddle said
she wouldn't let me
spend any money.
239
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,522
Puddle also said
she doesn't know
240
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,649
why Mr. Lunt has
never been married
after all these years.
241
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,235
Yeah, perhaps
I have put
too much faith
242
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,613
in the wisdom of this
tent-schooled jungle child
243
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,031
who combs her hair
with a stick.
244
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,783
Yes. I think so, too.
245
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,078
You know, I think
it's time that you admit
that it would kill you
246
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,538
if she married Andy.
247
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,541
You're right.
I'll go feel it out.
248
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,004
Or... Or you could
just admit it.
249
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,838
I'm going to end up
wearing tights.
250
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,507
I just know it.
251
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,009
My mother was also
having a change of heart.
252
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,303
This is
really beautiful.
253
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,097
Maybe a little more
lace at the hem.
254
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,098
Mom, isn't
this enough?
255
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,267
You're right.
The veil
will have lace.
256
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,311
God, this is
so beautiful.
257
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,605
I mean, this whole
thing, it's like
258
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,065
a fairy tale.
259
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,775
Hey, cute dress.
260
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,526
Listen,
I've been thinking,
261
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,029
this whole thing
started because
I thought
262
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,238
you were bluffing.
263
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,908
I know you did.
And you know what?
I was.
264
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,493
Really?
265
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,286
And that's when Steve
decided to up the ante.
266
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,079
Well, that's why
I really do want
267
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,790
what's best for you
as a friend.
268
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,167
And if that means
marrying Andy,
269
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:48,212
well, then that's
something that you
absolutely should do.
270
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:52,007
I'm so happy
to hear you say that,
because this is my dream.
271
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:55,177
I want this wedding,
all three separate
admission days of it.
272
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:57,346
And the most moving
part of it to me
273
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,014
is that this is
actually something
274
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,349
that you're
giving to me,
275
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,767
aside from your
take at the door.
276
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,937
You truly are
my dearest friend,
277
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:09,067
and I had no idea
you were capable
of such maturity.
278
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,737
Oh, well.
279
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,118
Nothing
subliminal there.
280
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,537
Yes.
281
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,288
Steve had
gone from pretending
282
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,082
to throw a wedding for my mom
to actually throwing one.
283
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,750
If you're calling
about additional
parking,
284
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,253
there's still plenty
of room available
in the Sir Lance-lot.
285
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,046
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
286
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,381
I'm calling
to invite you
287
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:35,634
to my Last Three Days
of Pompeii extravaganza.
288
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,095
You don't have anything
going on this weekend,
do you?
289
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,805
Fa'ad, is that
you out there?
290
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,559
No... Yes.
291
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,894
I just thought
I'd pop by and see
your little renaissance...
292
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:48,355
What is it,
a cute birthday party
for Puddle or something?
293
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,066
No, Fa'ad, please.
I'm not competing with you.
294
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:54,403
This is a wedding
that I've backed myself
into throwing.
295
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,405
Oh, thank God.
I had nothing.
296
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,907
My entire staff
want the weekend off
for some reason.
297
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,117
Look, just come inside.
298
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,702
And so Steve explained
299
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,120
how preparing
for a wedding
Front door, you fool.
300
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,997
had gotten my mother
in the mood for one.
301
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,456
Well, I suppose
the conscious mind
302
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,083
can be pretty
powerful, too.
303
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,919
Ah, looks like Andy's
pretty serious about
getting married.
304
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,337
It's funny
you should say that.
305
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,256
Because during this
whole wedding planning,
306
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,799
his name has
hardly come up.
307
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,218
It's like I'm much more
of a groom in this thing
than he is.
308
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,428
I'm even standing
in for the guy
309
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,387
at the wedding
rehearsal today.
310
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,555
Wow, talk
about subliminal.
311
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,348
Perhaps you're the one
she wants to marry.
312
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,893
Oh, do you think...
No, come on,
313
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,144
I'm definitely
not ready for that.
314
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,562
Oh, of course not.
315
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,522
But all you have to do
is to convince Emmy
316
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,691
that you're the man
of her dreams
and not Andy.
317
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,903
Right.
And once Andy's
out of the way,
318
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,655
I can see
if there's anything
real between us,
319
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,449
while having lots
of sex and stuff
320
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,534
and telling everyone
she's my girlfriend.
321
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,828
You're growing more
mature every day.
322
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,915
I know I am,
but what are you?
323
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,667
Mmm, yes, and when
I'm filling in
for the groom
324
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:51,877
at the rehearsal today,
325
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,629
I could just say
something moving.
326
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:57,174
In fact, that little
romance novelist owes me
a second rewrite.
327
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,468
Maybe I'll have him
take a crack at it.
328
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,552
I mean, all I need
is a little speech
329
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,138
about how there's only
one real love that
needs to be celebrated.
330
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,516
And each day, that
love grows stronger.
331
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,476
Well, I pledge to
you on this day
332
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,894
that my heart
will be as full
333
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,355
as this free
collector's tankard
I hold before you now.
334
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,733
For it's our destiny
to be here together.
335
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,654
And it's a destiny born
of the deepest love.
336
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,044
And it actually
did kind of get through
to somebody.
337
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,629
Well done, man.
338
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:39,257
Wow, that romance
novelist can really
shovel it out, eh?
339
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:42,052
Actually, I came up
with that on the spot,
340
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,971
and I meant
every shovelful.
341
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,223
It just got through
to the wrong person.
342
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,142
I really want
to marry Emmy.
343
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,644
Emmy, wait,
I just...
344
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,187
Oh, that was really...
345
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,438
Yeah, no, I, uh...
346
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:54,898
Just never expected
to hear you...
347
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,942
Oh, I just never thought
I'd say those words.
348
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,694
God, you know,
if you weren't
349
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,237
flying out your family
and Andy, I'd...
350
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,446
Oh, I'm not
flying out anyone
351
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,990
I thought you
took care of that.
352
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:06,493
Wait, do you mean that
Andy doesn't know
about this wedding?
353
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,577
Not a word.
354
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,579
And yet here we are.
355
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,583
We've done everything
but seal it with a kiss.
356
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,668
Well, since nobody
told the groom,
357
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,546
maybe I should
just keep filling in.
358
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,341
Oh, I phoned the groom.
359
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,094
I even sent him
a bus ticket.
360
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,387
He should be here
any time now.
361
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,140
Oh, there he is!
362
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,602
Oh, my god.
This is all for me?
363
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,689
Hey, thanks
for warming her up, Steve.
364
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:36,858
I'll take it
from here.
365
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,692
Come here,
my little
burning man.
366
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:39,819
Oh!
367
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,950
Steve was throwing
a rehearsal dinner
368
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,785
for a wedding
he didn't want to throw.
369
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,497
A song on the lute
for the man who has none.
370
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:54,624
Although everyone else
kind of got swept up
in the mood.
371
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:58,462
♪ The man who's paying
for your wedding
372
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,422
♪ Shall not be doing any
373
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,301
♪ Bedding ♪
374
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,724
Thank you, Fahrud.
375
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,477
And I would like
to make a toast
376
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,603
to my fair maiden, Emmy.
377
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:17,148
Soon you shall be
in my bed once again.
378
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:18,815
It's been a while.
379
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,609
Last few years
have been difficult,
380
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,778
and having
your daughter
in the tent, uh,
381
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,864
doesn't exactly
help, but, um,
just wanted to say
382
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,408
that I'm ready to go again.
383
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,619
Also, to the man
who's throwing
this wedding
384
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:34,873
for reasons I don't
completely get,
please raise a glass
385
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,418
to pig, Steve Wilde.
386
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,712
He's the one
who calls me a pig,
and yet he's content
387
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,715
to stuff his snout
in the trough
of my inheritance.
388
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,385
Yeah, well, you didn't
exactly inherit Emmy,
did you, big guy?
389
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:48,637
She belongs to me.
390
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,222
Belongs to you?
Yeah.
391
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,016
Oh, so she's a possession
who belongs to you now,
is that it?
392
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,685
Hey, excuse me.
She lives in
my tree house!
393
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:57,687
Stop it, both of you!
394
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,107
I hate what happens
when the both of you
get together.
395
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:03,193
I'm not gonna
do this the day
before my wedding.
396
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,654
Honestly, we have
a little theme
for my wedding,
397
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,072
and the two of you
just get carried away
398
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,615
with this whole
medieval rivalry.
399
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,034
Well, I shall
have none of it!
400
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,245
For tomorrow,
I wed thee!
401
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,329
Huh.
402
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,747
Rivalry.
403
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,583
It takes someone
of equal stature
to be a rival.
404
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,129
What I lack in height,
I make up for in
my lady-pleasing.
405
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:25,882
Oh, my lady-pleaser
is doing just fine,
thanks very much.
406
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:29,219
Besides, she's
not some prize
to be fought over.
407
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,597
No, she's a prize
I've already won.
408
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:35,725
Then perhaps
you'd be willing to
wager such a prize.
409
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,686
And what's the nature
of this challenge?
410
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:39,938
This challenge?
This challenge
could be
411
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,481
any number of...
412
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,775
I see you're noticing
that sharp pole
out yonder window way.
413
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,901
Yes, I am indeed.
414
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,613
So it shall be
a dance around
the maypole.
415
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,990
♪ A dance, a dance
416
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,992
♪ Two men in tights
shall prance
417
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,244
♪ Though what they
think's a maypole
418
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,996
♪ Is clearly just a lance ♪
419
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:59,791
He's right.
That's not a maypole.
That's a jousting pole.
420
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,544
Then even more perfect.
Let's joust.
421
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:05,630
And the loser walks
away from Emmy forever.
422
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,924
And the winner
marries her forever.
423
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,259
Tomorrow at dawn.
424
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,677
Dawn is for duels.
425
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,137
Then high noon.
426
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,930
Great, high...
No, high noon's really
sticky around here.
427
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,265
Oh, I've noticed
that. Uh...
428
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,892
How about, like, 10:30
or 11:00 or something?
429
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,226
Oh, that's fine for me.
Right after brunch?
430
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,563
After brunch!
After brunch!
431
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,982
So the joust was set.
Unfortunately for Steve,
432
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,860
he didn't know
what a joust was.
433
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,904
I think
you're getting a little
carried away here, Steve.
434
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,906
Don't you feel
a little unprepared?
435
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:34,117
Not at all.
Been working all morning
with that romance novelist,
436
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,536
and I got some
real zingers,
like, uh,
437
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,164
"Poor Andy. His head
is nothing but cheek.
438
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,791
"Yeah, you heardeth me.
Butt cheek."
439
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:45,213
No, I get it.
I wouldn't
close with it.
440
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,714
But this isn't
a contest of wits.
441
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,301
I think you're
thinking "jests".
This is a joust,
442
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:54,387
where two men charge
at each other on horses,
443
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,431
carrying long
wooden lances
444
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,516
and trying to knock
each other off.
445
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,685
Oh, my God, wait.
I could really
get hurt in this thing.
446
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,605
Yes, but if you win,
you get to marry Emmy.
447
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:04,940
No, that's what
I'm talking about.
448
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,441
I'm not ready
to get married.
449
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,026
I think I just got
a little carried away.
450
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,820
I think everybody had
a little too much
mead last night,
451
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,822
so if you want to call
it quits on this thing...
452
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,241
No, I gotta go
through with this.
453
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,076
I mean, okay,
I don't want
to marry her,
454
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,870
but if I don't show up,
I'm gonna look like a coward,
455
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:19,913
and I can't have that.
456
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:22,040
Okay, but I shall
go with you,
457
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,167
for I am but
your humble servant.
458
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:26,461
You lost your wristband
again, didn't you?
459
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,922
You know, I told the guy
I work for Mr. Wilde.
460
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,216
He says, "Oh, yeah? Well,
tell him to tell me that."
461
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,968
♪ Lunt heard
that Steve ran off
462
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,970
♪ To joust instead of to jest
463
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,805
♪ He ran to Emmy
as fast as he could
464
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,807
♪ While basically
wearing a dress ♪
465
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,058
I need your help.
466
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,726
Are you okay?
Do I need to call
an ambulance?
467
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:45,021
Yes, but not for me.
For Steve.
468
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:48,191
He's engaging in some
crazy challenge of skill
469
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,776
with Andy
for your hand.
470
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,821
He is? How sweet.
471
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,115
Wait. No, it isn't.
How dare he.
472
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,491
How dare either of them.
473
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,826
They think they can
just have a competition
474
00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,369
to decide who
I'm gonna marry?
475
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,954
I don't get it either.
476
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,790
Throw a stick at
any organic co-op,
you'll hit 10 of you.
477
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,876
Excuse me.
I meant hairbrush.
478
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:09,170
So, wait, they think
I'm just gonna be
swept away
479
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,422
by some knight
in shining...
480
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,674
Oh, my God, that is
exactly what I'm doing.
481
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:15,093
Maybe that's what
they're doing with this
whole stupid challenge.
482
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,720
What is the challenge exactly?
483
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:20,140
They're mounting horses,
they're waving
giant poles at each other.
484
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,516
It couldn't be
more phallic
485
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,935
if Sigmund wrote
it himself.
486
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,770
And remember, Steve's
a pretty good horseman.
487
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,731
Didn't you meet Andy...
488
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:30,650
When he was jousting
at medieval times
in Lyndhurst.
489
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,402
He was the black knight
Wednesdays and Saturdays,
490
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,404
and he always lived
to marry the ketchups.
491
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,949
Steve is gonna
get killed!
Come on, Puddle!
492
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:42,662
♪ The maiden raced
across the land
493
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:46,333
♪ But was stopped
for want of a blue wristband
494
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,959
I have to get
through there!
This is my wedding.
495
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,127
♪ For none shall pass
496
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,712
♪ No lord, no lass
497
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:54,634
♪ That haveth not
the three day pass
498
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,677
♪ And Steve mounted his steed
499
00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,220
♪ And readied to parry
500
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,930
♪ For the hand of a wench
501
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,850
♪ He now hoped
to not marry
502
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,227
♪ And Andy, too,
knew deep inside
503
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,272
♪ Despite his prior lies
504
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,649
♪ That although
he soon prepared to ride
505
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,987
♪ He did not want the prize
506
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,407
♪ And so the two
began the strife
507
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,077
♪ Both scared of a thing
that's called a wife
508
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,287
♪ Steve in yellow
did look quite deft
509
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,582
♪ Till he heaved
his horse off to the left
510
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,417
♪ When Andy did
his horse command
511
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,753
♪ To veer off
to the churro stand
512
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,171
Stop following me!
513
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,547
♪ And as they raced
it was hard for any
514
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:35,924
♪ Without the aid of glasses
515
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,010
♪ To work out
which were the men
516
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:42,973
♪ And which were the asses ♪
517
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,059
But even
a competition among two losers
518
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,602
must have a loser.
519
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,437
I call this the total loser.
520
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,816
Steve!
521
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,651
Steve! Steve!
522
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,320
Steve! Are you okay?
523
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,697
No, I lost.
524
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,741
Why don't you go to...
525
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,992
Are you kidding me?
526
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,994
Where the heck is Andy?
527
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,496
♪ Andy kicked and spurred
528
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,124
♪ His sweaty beast to drive
529
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,792
♪ Soon west onto the LIE
530
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,086
♪ Then north on I95 ♪
531
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,629
Are you sure
you're okay?
532
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,005
Yeah, fine.
533
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,341
Well, what were you doing?
I don't want to marry you!
534
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,509
I don't want to
marry anyone!
535
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:20,635
Not even Andy?
536
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,096
Of course not.
537
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,141
Good,
'cause that would
have killed me.
538
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,934
Well, why
didn't you
just say that?
539
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,644
Why didn't you
just say that?
540
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,730
I don't know.
Because I'm stubborn,
541
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:35,233
and I guess I just
got caught up
542
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,569
in this whole
fairy tale.
543
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,820
♪ Which is what Andy said
544
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,946
♪ That night in Canada
545
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,698
Do I look
like a terrorist?
546
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:42,907
I mean, come on!
547
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,451
♪ As he went to jail ♪
548
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,828
I think this was all
just a little too much
for all of us.
549
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:48,037
Can we just agree
never to play
550
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,706
these stupid games
of chicken again?
551
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:50,957
Absolutely.
552
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,125
Although one good thing
that came out of it
553
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,543
was that Andy showed
his true colors.
554
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,503
He was a little
overwhelmed.
We both were.
555
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,839
It's one of the issues
we need to work out.
556
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,799
Well, if you were
serious about working
out your issues,
557
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,050
wouldn't you be
in therapy?
558
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,970
We would,
but, you know,
we can't afford it.
559
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:04,721
Well, if that's
important to you,
560
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,972
I'd be happy to pay
for your therapy.
561
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:07,599
Oh, you'd want us
to work out
our problems.
562
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,184
Well, as much as you'd
want to work 'em out.
563
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,187
I'd be happy
to work them out.
564
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:17,734
♪ And so it all begins again
565
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:22,489
♪ And now stay tuned
for the news
566
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:25,659
♪ At 10:00 ♪
43566
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