Original subtitles

What's going on?

Oy.

Oy, turn it off!

Hey, what's the matter, Sid?

Walking all over my floor.

What do you want us to do, fly?

I just washed it.

Hey.

Not look very clean to me.

No, it won't.

Not with you lot trampling all over it.

Come along, you three. Back to your desks.

- Come on. - I'll be with you in a minute.

Hey, where you go?

If you must know, I'm going to see a man about a dog.

- Ah, it's all right. - In you go.

Oh!

Thought I told you to wash this floor.

- You did, but-- - Well, do it immediately.

It's disgraceful.

Oh!

All right, everyone back?

Well, I must say, it's nice to see you

all working hard for a change.

S , Se or Brown.

We study for our eggs and ham.

Eggs and ham?

S .

In few weeks, we have eggs and ham.

The word is exam.

Ah.

Sorry, wrong number.

Excuse me, Mr. Brown.

Yes, Miss Courtney?

I am extremely worried about the forthcoming examinations,

particularly so far as your English class is concerned.

Another failure would be unthinkable.

Oh, don't worry, Miss Courtney.

This time, we will sail through.

You had better.

However, in order to reassure myself,

I am visiting each class in order to check on its progress.

I am just on my way to the woodwork class,

but I shall be back in a few moments

to give your students an oral test.

And I do expect some correct answers.

Yeah, we'll do our best.

I just hope your best is good enough.

Do not worry.

We will be surprising Miss Courtney.

Yeah, well, that's exactly why I'm worried.

Por favor?

Yes, Juan?

Did you buy a dog?

What dog?

The one you go see man about?

- I went to spend a penny. - Ah.

Very cheap dog.

All right.

Now, I've checked your homework last night,

and you're still making far too many elementary mistakes.

For example, Ali.

Yes, please?

The letters O- H- M- S stand for "On Her Majesty's Service"

and not for "Only Hindus, Muslims, and Sheikhs."

- Jolly good. - Juan?

S , Se or?

A sextet has absolutely nothing to do with orgies.

You're wrong.

I beg your pardon?

S .

Last week, I see a film, "Swedish Sextet."

Well, never mind what you saw.

Sextet means six people.

Si,m like in the film.

There were six big Swedish girl with the big--

- Yeah. - Don't.

Just look it up in the dictionary

and write it out 10 times.

Su-Lee, to complete the phrase "as wise as,"

you could have put an owl, or even

Solomon, but not Chairman Mao.

Chairman Mao wiser than everybody.

Yeah, well that's your opinion.

Anna.

Yeah?

A sorcerer is a wizard, and not something you put a cup on.

Danielle?

Congratulations.

Absolutely perfect.

Thank you.

But what about my homework?

I was referring to your homework.

Oh.

Giovanni, the correct word to describe a relative by marriage

is in-law, as in brother-in-law, and not, as you put, outlaw.

It's the same thing.

It is not the same thing.

An outlaw is a bandit.

Well, so is my brother-in-law.

Yes, well, I hope you find Miss Courtney's

questions as amusing.

She'll be here any minute. - Excuse, please.

Don't interrupt.

I tend to tolerate your frivolous attitude,

but you'll find that Miss Courtney is

a horse of a different color.

Oh, blimey.

You should not be calling Miss Courtney a horse.

I wasn't, although there may be a certain resemblance.

Mr. Brown, please.

Just a minute, Danielle, I haven't finished yet.

As I was saying, Miss Courtney will not be as tolerant as I.

But on the other hand, you mustn't let her intimidate you.

She may be a bit of an ogre, but she's only human.

Excuse, please, Mr. Brown.

What's got into you all?

Why are you constantly interrupting me?

I think they are trying to indicate

my presence, Mr. Brown.

Ah, Miss Courtney, I didn't hear you come in.

Obviously.

How long have you been here?

Long enough.

And now, Mr. Brown, if you don't mind,

this horse of a different color, this human ogre,

would like to find out how clever your students are.

Yeah, well, certainly.

They're all yours.

Now, who would like to be first?

Well, don't all rush to volunteer.

Oh, very well.

I will ask a question, and anyone who wishes may answer.

Now, then.

What is a circumflex?

Oh, come along, circumflex.

C- I- R- C- U- M- F- L- E- X. Now, surely, somebody

knows what a circumflex is.

Yes, please.

Good.

What is it?

No milk today.

I beg your pardon?

So sorry.

Circumflex is a accent mark.

Would you bring me that piece of paper, please?

What piece of paper?

The piece you're hiding in your hand.

You are meaning this one?

Thank you.

Mr. Brown?

Mr. Brown?

Yes?

Would you wait in the corridor until I have

finished with your students? - Well, I-- I--

Good.

And shut the door after you.

Oh, and Mr. Brown.

- Yes? - You might as well take this.

You may need it for your milkman.

Now, to continue.

I am a foreigner.

Nein.

You are English.

Well, then, just imagine that I am a foreigner.

Please, Miss Courtney.

What kind of foreigner are you be?

Does it matter?

Oh, yes.

How can we be imagine when we are

not know what to be imagine?

Oh, very well.

I am Russian.

And if anyone says, where am I rushin' to, I shall scream.

Now, Miss Schmidt.

Ya?

I approach you in the street, and I say, please

will you tell me the time?

What is your reply?

Time you bought yourself a watch.

That is extremely rude.

I do not like Russians.

Let's try with some general knowledge.

Mr. Singh.

Where is Sydney?

Outside, cleaning the corridor.

Not the caretaker, the city.

Thousand apologies.

Anybody?

Australia.

Good.

Mr. Nagazumi.

Ah so?

What can you tell me about the Duke of Windsor?

Which one?

There is only one Duke of Windsor.

Not so.

Near where I live, they are three Duke of Windsor,

two Dukes of Cambridge, and one Prince of Wales.

I was referring to the past and not a public house.

Does anyone know what the letters GC mean?

Giovanni Cupello.

George Cross.

What class is he in?

I don't think I can stand anymore.

Mr. Brown.

Finished already?

I am leaving while I still retain some shred of sanity.

Well, you obviously didn't give her very good answers.

Not our fault. Question were too difficult.

Well, you'll just have to work harder, right.

It's almost time to go now.

Don't forget your homework, please.

See you tomorrow.

Oh, god, not again.

Haven't you finished yet, Sidney?

I've washed it twice.

Well, wash it again.

It's still dirty.

- Time to go home, Ali. - Oh, blimey.

I'm not wanting to go.

What's the matter?

Can I be speaking to you most confidentially?

Yes, of course you can.

Fire away.

What's your problem?

You see, my wife, Rehana, she's becoming another person.

Oh, dear.

Have you tried hormones?

What are you meaning?

Well, I don't know much about these sex changes.

Oh, no.

She's not doing anything like that.

Well, but you just said she was becoming another person.

Yes, she's becoming another lady person, not man person.

Oh, I see.

You mean she's behaving differently?

Yes, please.

She's making phone calls, and when I'm coming in,

she's hanging up, chop chop.

And at nighttimes, she's going out, leaving

me in the house with the baby. - Ah.

I'm beginning to see daylight.

Of course, it has not being dark yet.

No.

You have just had a baby.

No, my wife had the baby.

But that's it, don't you see?

Lots of women change after they've had babies.

It's called postnatal depression.

I'm sure she'll get over it.

Some night, she's not letting me sleep with her.

Have you thought about getting an au pair?

Oh, blimey.

She would not be letting me sleep with an au pair.

I mean to help with the baby.

Sorry, please.

I also think she ought to see a doctor.

Oh, no.

She is not liking doctors very much.

Yes, but she ought to talk to somebody.

Perhaps you could talk to her.

Me?

Yes, please.

Well, I hardly think I'm qualified.

- You must be helping me. - All right.

I'll come home with you tonight, and we'll see what we can do.

- Jolly good. - All right.

Yes.

It's probably nothing at all.

Good night, Sidney.

Good night, Sid.

Hello, my beloved.

Baby's fed.

Curry is in oven.

I am going out.

Where are you going?

Please to be minding your own business.

Eh?

I'm bringing Mr. Brown home.

Hello, Mr. Brown.

It is good of you to be keeping Ali company.

Yeah, well, actually, I came to--

Well, have a nice evening.

Do not be waiting up for me, Ali.

See?

See what I am meaning?

Where is she going?

What is she doing?

Who is she seeing?

Well, you wait here.

I'll follow her and see where she goes.

I can not be staying late tonight.

I think Ali is getting suspicious.

Enter.

I brought the stockroom keys back.

Oh, thank you, Sidney.

If you see Gladys, tell her she can take my tray.

Eh?

Take my tray.

Where to?

Not you.

Gladys.

Oh.

Oh, you're wearing a black tie, Sidney.

Yes, I'm in mourning.

28 years to the day it happened.

Oh, dear.

The death of a loved one?

No, I got married.

You're a real male chauvinist pig.

Pardon?

Pig.

Oh, you've met the wife, have you?

That will do, Sidney.

Oh, just the fellow I want.

Eh?

I want some advice from a man with experience.

Oh, round ho.

I've been about a bit.

What do you want to know?

Well, I need your help, as a married man.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You'll catch it, doc.

I'm not married.

You are.

Oh, don't remind me.

No, son.

If you're thinking of taking the plunge, forget it.

It's worse than doing porridge.

Now, what can I give you some advice on?

I've changed my mind.

I don't think you are qualified to help me.

I'll ask Miss Courtney.

Is it time, then?

What time are you referring to?

Lesson time.

Oh, no.

Rehana is coming to see Mr. Brown.

This is Sid, our caretaker man.

This is Mrs. Nadim, the wife of Ali.

Very nice, too.

Please, don't be telling Ali I have been here.

We are making for him a surprise.

It is thank you party for being such good husband

and giving me beautiful baby.

But we are not wanting him to be finding out.

No.

Already he is most suspicious with me going out to arrange

everything with Ranjeet.

Oh, don't worry.

I won't tell a dicky.

Never mind this Dicky.

It is Ali who should not be finding out.

That's what I just said.

When's the surprise?

Tonight.

You are welcome to be coming if you are wishing.

Oh, ta.

Jamila is making lovely food, and Gladys

is making delicious cakes. - Please.

Where is Mr. Brown?

He's in Miss Courtney's office.

Good.

I must be asking him to be keeping Ali late after class

so all students can be arriving for party

before he is getting home.

Oh.

While you are seeing Mr. Brown,

I go to be speaking with Gladys.

Oh, good.

And you can buy me a nice cup of tea.

See you later, love.

See who that is, Mr. Brown.

Ta!

It's Ali's wife.

I wonder what she wants?

Are you sure you didn't tell Ali about her affair?

Positive.

I just told him I'd lost her.

Well, perhaps she wants to confide in you

because you are Ali's friend.

Oh, but couldn't she, uh, confide in you?

Certainly not.

It is your problem.

You will deal with it.

I'll leave you alone.

Mr. Brown will see you now.

Sorry about that. Come in, Rehana.

Sit down.

I am wanting to be asking you something.

Yeah, well before you do, I've got something to tell you.

Please, sit down.

I am being waiting.

Yes.

Look, firstly, tell me something.

Do you love Ali?

Oh, yes.

Very much, indeed.

Good, good.

Well, what I have to say is-- is rather delicate.

But you and Ali are both sensible, intelligent people.

Thank you.

And you've been married for almost two years now.

And you've now got a lovely little baby.

Yes.

Well, I want you to know that I understand

how these things can happen.

What things?

Well, not babies, but um--

well, look.

Let me put it another way.

When two people have been married for a while,

sometimes familiarity creeps in.

Two people, living together, doing

the same things day after day, seeing the same faces.

It's only natural that, occasionally,

one of the parties feels that something is missing,

some excitement, perhaps.

So it's not unusual, in these occasions,

for one of the parties to meet somebody

else, to try and recapture the first flush of romance.

- Mr. Brown. - Please, let me finish.

Let me say just one thing.

The vital question you must ask yourself

is whether to likely throw away what you have already

for some passing infatuation or to rise above it

and start afresh.

To err is human and to forgive, divine.

That's all I have to say.

Oh, I see.

Now, what was it you wanted to ask me?

No, it is not important now.

Well, Mr. Brown.

How did you manage?

Extremely well, I think, Miss Court-- oh, sorry.

I was very tactful, and I think she got the message.

Here, are you all right?

It is Mr. Brown.

He is telling me something terrible.

What is it?

It is my Ali.

He is having affair with another woman.

Hello, Ranjeet.

Good evening, oh, most wise and illustrious one.

Yes, well, I wish I could say the same about you.

Incidentally, before the other students arrive,

I have something to tell you.

I know everything.

That is why I'm calling you most wise and illustrious.

I mean, about what you and Ali's wife have been up to.

Thousand apologies.

I think it's Ali you should be apologizing to.

Why should I be apologizing to Ali?

For your behavior.

After all, she is his wife.

I am knowing that.

That is why we are keeping it secret from him.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, no.

I am very pleased to be doing it.

Yeah, I bet you are.

I am sure, if she's asking you to do the same,

you would be most happy to oblige.

I hardly think so.

Please, not to be telling Ali.

Well, I won't, for his sake, not yours.

Good.

We are not wanting him to be finding out before tonight.

Well, why tonight?

Tonight, he'll be knowing everything.

Are you going to tell him?

No.

He'll be seeing for himself.

Good lord.

It will be a big surprise!

I think it'll be more of a shock.

You are also coming to the party tonight?

What party?

The one we have been arranging for Ali.

I'm getting a bit confused.

You are saying you are knowing everything.

Well, I just realized I don't know quite

as much as I thought I did.

Now, tell me something, Ranjeet.

Have you been seeing Ali's wife?

Most certainly, to be arranging the party for him

tonight at 10:00.

And that's all?

Just a party?

Oh.

Buenos noches, Se or Brown.

Juan.

Si, se or?

This is an English class.

When you arrive here, I expect you to speak English.

No more buenos noches. Good evening.

So right.

Yeah.

Good evening, Se or Brown.

That's better.

Buona sera.

Hey.

No buona sera Speak the English.

Don't you tell me to speak the English, you

great Spanish onion.

I punch your head in, you--

you Italian ice cream.

All right. That will do.

Sit down.

You tell him, se or.

I'm telling both of you.

You, sit down.

So right, so right.

And I'll tell you what I told Juan.

This is an English class, and when you arrive here,

I expect you to speak English.

No more buona sera. Good evening.

Okeydokey.

- Good. - Kalispera.

- Guten abend. - Bonsoir, Mr. Brown.

I give up.

Greeting, Master B.

Ah, good evening, Jamila.

I have knit for you a scarf.

Oh!

Very kind of you.

Very patriotic.

And quite long.

Haq.

It is be start as pair of sockies.

But I forget to turn around here,

so I make a little bit more longer.

Well, thank you very much.

I'm sure it will come in useful.

Oh, good evening, Su-Lee.

Taro.

Good evening.

Yes.

Right, now, before we go, um--

before we go any further this evening,

the Education Authority are taking some kind of census

and require these forms filling in.

So, it's self-explanatory.

If you'd complete them now.

And then, if you have any problems,

don't hesitate to ask, 'cause that's what I'm here for.

Eh.

I have problem.

Juan, how can you have a problem?

You haven't even looked at your form yet.

No pen.

Ah. Gracias.

Anybody else got a pen?

All right, now.

All you have to do is fill in your surname, your first names,

your address in England, your birth,

occupation, sex, marital status, and what subject you're taking.

- Scusi? - Yes, Giovanni?

I have the problem with my first names.

Well, surely, you know them.

Sure.

Giovanni Vincenzo Marco Dino Alberto Leonardo--

Yeah, all right, all right.

So, what's the problem?

I can't get them on the paper.

Well, just put as many as you can.

Okeydokey.

Monsieur Brown?

Please, I do not know the name of the hospital

where I was born.

You don't have to put the hospital, just the town.

Just the town?

Have you put the hospital, too?

No.

"Place where born."

Bed.

Finished.

Good.

Correction, not so good.

Por favor?

The correct answer to "sex" is not "at least once a week."

You should put "male" or "female."

Hey.

No sex with male, only female.

Excuse, please.

I'm being late.

You almost missed the census.

Rehana is still been very mysterious.

Oh, look, don't worry.

Everything will be all right.

Tonight at 10:00, all will be revealed.

Are you really sure Ali's knocking

about with another bird?

Yes, Mr. Brown would not be telling me lies.

Yet.

Oh, they're all alike, these men.

Ha.

Doesn't deserve a party like this.

I am being so unhappy.

I know what I would do.

What?

Kick him out.

Anna is right.

He's be being unfaithful.

He behave like an animal.

He deserves what he gets.

He does.

Hello, my beloved.

Don't you "belove" me, you.

Blimey!

What are you doing that for?

Hey.

You very bad man, you.

Mr. Brown is telling me you are having girlfriend.

You damn fool.

Why are you saying that for? - I didn't.

You've obviously misunderstood me.

You are nearly breaking up my marriage.

I am sorry, Ali.

It is you I should be throwing cakey at.

Please, you can not be throwing cakey at Mr. Brown.

I will do it.

Whoa!

My hair!