All language subtitles for Mind.Your.Language.S03E01.I.Belong.to.Glasgow.576p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-MiU_track3_[eng]

Hey, hello, Sid.

Hello, lads.

Hey, what's all this?

It's a bird.

Go on.

I could it's not an elephant.

Don't be stupid, Sid.

You can't get an
elephant in a cage.

I think he makes the joke.

Oh.

What sort of a
bird is it, then?

A cocka-three.

Beg pardon?

A cocka-three.

Cocka-three?

Hey.

You're one cocka too many.

It's a cocklee-two.

Cockatoo.

Oh, you mean it's a
parrot.

That's right, yeah.

What are you going to
call this parrot, then?

Polly.

That's original.

Ah, Gladys.

Just who we want to see.

Oh?

Well if it's tea on tick
you're after, forget it.

No, no, no, no.

Look.

We just bought the bird and
we want to leave it with you.

How do you want it cooking?

We don't want it cooking.

It's our new pet.

Oh, well, how was I to know?

People eat anything these days.

Look, we just wanted
to look after it

until we finish class, OK?

Yes, all right.

Put it behind the counter.

OK.

Enter.

Thank you, your ladyship.

Evening, Sidney.

Hello, Mr. Brown.

Have a good weekend?

Lousy.

Got the mother-in-law
staying with us.

And you get on
well with her, then?

She's never forgiven me
for marrying her daughter,

and I've never forgiven
her for letting me.

Do you know, last night,
was only one thing

to stop me putting my
head in the gas oven?

What was that?

We're all electric.

Oh, cheer up, Sid.

Remember, when you feel
things can't be worse,

they can only get better.

That's true, true.

I suppose you she has
got to pop off sometime.

Ah, good evening, Danielle.

Ah, bonsoir Mr. Brown.

You're just the man I'm wanting.

Me?

Yes, can you help me?

Well, I'll do my best.

I have the big problems.

Yeah, well I'm afraid I
can't do much about those.

No, not that problem.

Oh, sorry.

My life, she's a mess-up.

Is she?
I mean, is it?

What sort of a mess-up?

I tell you.

Last month I met this boy.

Ah, an affair of the heart.

This boy, Pierre, he
keeps writing to me.

Yeah?

He's a foreigner?

No.

He's French.

To me, he's a--

Never mind, go on.

Henri has find the letters.

Oh, the plot thickens.

I not like a jealous man.

- Pierre?
- No.

Oh, Henri?

Marcel.

He works with Henri
at the consular.

I'm sorry, I'm a bit confused.

Who is Marcel jealous
of, Pierre or Henri?

Emil.

I shouldn't have asked.

There's another thing.

He keeps telephoning me.

Who?

Pierre, Henri, Marcel, or Emil?

Jean-Paul.

I've heard of
safety in numbers,

but this is ridiculous.

They're all after
the one thing.

My body.

That's all they're after.

Well, you must just
try and discourage them.

Oh, no.

I like it.

I see Pierre, Monday.

Henri, Tuesday.

Marcel, Wednesdays.

Emil, Thursdays.

And Jean-Paul, Fridays.

That is my problem.

What is?

My Saturdays and Sundays.

They are so dull.

Mr. Brown?

Ah, good evening, Emma.

You are busy?

No, no, no.

We've just finished.

Good.

I have an problem.

Oh, not another one.

Who is it?

Hans, Karl, Wilhelm, or Adolf?

No, it is my homework.

Oh, sorry.

Your question is asking
what is correct address

for member of Parliament.

Yes.

I do not know where
any members of Parliament

are living.

No, the question means
how do you address them?

What you call an MP.

Ah, I don't know that either.

Right honorable.

Jawohl.

They want me to write
it on the blackboard?

No, not W-R-I-T-E.
R-I-G-H-T, right.

- Right?
- Right.

Right.

Right.

Open the door,
you common chicken.

Go away, you
take-away.

Ali, what is going on?

It is Ranjeet.

What is the matter with him?

Oh, blimey.

He has gone oranges.

Oranges?

Yes, miss.

You mean bananas.

Jolly good.

Not opening this door,
I am breaking it down.

- Ali, unlock the door.
- Oh, no.

I'm not unlocking the door.

Right, well if you
won't unlock it, I will.

I have been warning you.

Now I am coming in.

Ranjeet, what is
the meaning of this?

The meaning is--

some damn fool is opening the
door just as I'm charging in.

Mr. Brown opened the door.

Thousand apologies.

All right, come
over here, Ali.

Now what is all this about?

That barbarian is
calling me a hairy goat.

Is this true, Ali?

Yes, please.

But this infidel is calling me
the son of a cross-eyed camel.

Not true.

I am calling him an illegitimate
son of a cross-eyed camel.

Yeah, well it's
not good enough.

Ah.

You want me to be calling
him something worse.

I don't want anybody
calling anybody anything.

Whatever your differences
are, kindly leave

them outside the courtroom.

Now sit down, the pair of you.

Come on.

Ah, Taro.

Arsehole.

Did you have a good weekend?

Spend all weekend reading
book-oh by Charles Dickens-oh.

Which book-oh were
you reading-oh--

Which book were you reading?

- Oliver Twist.
- Really?

Do you understand
most of the words?

I understand all words.

What, even the old English?

No old English
words in my book.

Ah, must have been
a revised edition.

No, no.

Japanese edition.

I thought it was
too good to be true.

Good evening, Masterji.

Still knitting away?

Oh, no.

I am the knit cardigan.

What I meant was--

You misunderstood
what I was saying.

And you are been
misunderstood what I am be knit.

Why don't we just
forget the whole thing.

Good evening, Su-Lee.

Not good for me.

Oh, dear.

What's the matter?

I have lost my
little red book.

Oh good.

I mean, bad luck.

I look everywhere,
but not find it.

Does this mean you
won't be treating us

to any of the honorable
Chairman's quotations?

Oh no.
Know quotations by heart.

Chairman Mao, he say,
in every process--

Yes, thanks Su-Lee.

We know--

Ciao, everybody.

- Only just made it.
- Sorry, boss.

We've had things to do.

That's right.

We just got a fantastic bird.

Really?

This bird have a name?

Sure.

Polly.

In future, kindly refer to
her as Polly, and not as a bird.

Okey cokey.

She's going to be very
good company for us at night.

Us?

What do you mean, us?

We're going to share her.

One night, she sleeps with me.

Another night, she
sleeps with Maxi.

I don't think I
want to hear anymore.

Why?

You not like birds?

Well, let's just say I
don't like sharing them.

Hey, I fix something for you.

You give me a fiver,
we go get you a bird.

Sure.

What color you want?

What color is yours?

Mostly red, with a blue
neck and a green breast.

Ah.

Penny's dropped.

Where?

Polly is a parrot.

Well, that's right.

What you think she
is, an elephant?

It doesn't matter.
Sit down.

What about the penny?

Ignore the penny.

Buenos tardes.

Juan, you're late.

Por favor?

Never mind por favor.

You should have been
here five minutes ago.

Why?

What happened?

Quiet, quiet.

Silencio!

Thank you.

It's all right.

Why are you late?

I tell you.

My boss where I work, he told me
about the horse that was going

to win the big race tomorrow.

Very clever horse.

Talking horse.

Juan, horses don't talk.

Si, se or.

He told me get the tip straight
from the horse's mouth.

That's just a racing term.

It's all right.

Then he tell me to
put my shirt on horse.

- You didn't?
- Nah.

Oh, thank goodness for that.

My shirt wouldn't
fit the horse.

Silence!

I bet 10 pounds
to win on the horse.

Juan, 10 pounds
is a lot of money.

You could lose.
- No lose.

Tomorrow, I'll be plenty rich.

There's no such
thing as a certainty.

Si, se or.

My horse is sure to win.

How do you know?

Ah, you see.

I tell you.

Big race starts 2 o'clock.
So, right?

Yes.

Book-maker, he tell me my
horse starts at 10 to one.

Those are the odds.

Your horse will start at 2
o'clock just like all the rest.

He tried to trick me.

I go.

Punch his face in.

You'll do no such thing.

Sit down.

It's time we all
started working.

I'll just take the
register to Ms. Courtney,

and then we'll have a look
at your homework, all right?

Enter.

Ms. Courtney.

I've brought the register.

Two absentees tonight,
Ingrid and Zoltan.

Oh, well I've had a letter
from your Hungarian student.

Oh, has he gone sick?

No, he's gone back to Hungary.

Oh.

Enter.

Excuse me.
Ms. Courtney?

Yes.

What do you want?

I'm Sheikh El Hamid,
and I'm interested

in your English classes.

Well, if you don't
mind me saying so,

your English is fairly good.

Thank you.

It is comforting to know
that my years at Oxford

were not wasted.

I would like my personal
chauffeur to join your class.

I'm afraid that
is quite impossible.

It is mid-term and students
are not permitted to join

halfway through a course.

Rules are rules.

I'm sure you could make an
exception for a little donation

of 2000 pounds?

This isn't the
Dorchester Hotel, you know.

This is an educational
establishment.

You can't expect us to bend
the rules just cause you

plonk two grand on the table.

Can he, Ms. Courtney?

Well, of course he can.

Where is your chauffeur now?

Outside.

Will you come in now?

But he's white.

People usually
are from Glasgow.

He's Scots?

But of course.

Why do you want us
to teach him English?

Because I can't understand
a word of what he says.

Right, Jock?

Hello.

Can I help you?

No, I
don't suppose you can, mate.

I've been told just
to hang about here.

I'm sorry, Ms. Courtney.

I think the whole
idea is ridiculous.

I'm supposed to teach
English to foreign students.

He sounds like
a foreign student.

Oh, look.

Wouldn't it be far
simpler for you

to just get another chauffeur?

No, I couldn't do that.

You see, Jock's father
gave his life defending

my father during the war.

I feel I owe him a living.

Yeah, but in that case, why
don't you make him very happy

and give him a job in
your harem or something?

Don't be stupid, Mr. Brown.

I wonder if you'd mind
waiting outside for a moment

while Mr. Brown and I discuss
this matter privately.

Not at all.

Door, Mr. Brown.

Now, listen to me, Mr. Brown.

You are a teacher of
English, and it is your job

to teach English, no
matter who or what

your students happen to be.

But actually, as I
keep trying to tell you--

Don't interrupt.

Now, remember the Arabs
are extremely wealthy.

Who knows what other benefits
they may bestow upon us.

Only the other day I was reading
in the paper about an Arab

who was so pleased with
the service at his hotel

that he presented the
manager with a Rolls-Royce.

Well we are not running
a hotel, Ms. Courtney.

Money isn't the be-all and end--

A Rolls-Royce?

Yes.

Well, I suppose I
could give it a try.

Good.

Look upon it as a challenge.

I'll do my best.

I wonder if you
would care to join me

in a cup of tea in the office.

And then later on I'll
show you around the school.

How very kind of you.

Well, what am I doing, mate?

Go away or do you want us
to hang about here, or what?

I'd like you to hang about.

I'm going to try and teach
you to speak English.

Oh,.

Well, I'm not

exactly jumping for joy myself.

Huh?

Right, quiet.

Quiet.

Ah, it's the tower of Babel.

Can't you think of
anything better to do

than chatter to each other?

Sure.

Hey, we go for a cup of tea.

That's a good idea.

You'll do no such thing.

Sit down, be quiet,
and pay attention.

Right. you better
sit next to Anna.

OK.

Oh, hey, how's it going?

What is your name?

Hamish Hector Dougal
Donald Stewart McGregor.

Well, I'll put
you down as Jock.

Whatever you'd like.

Well as you can see,
we have a new student.

All
right, is there..

Know what I mean?

Or as you say yourself,
och aye

and all that haggis
bashing nonsense.

Oh, blimey.

What language is he speaking?

Believe it or
not, it's English.

Aye, he's right
enough, you know.

He's right enough.

If that is English,
what language

is it that we are learning?

Mr. McGregor is
speaking in dialect.

I thought you said he
was speaking English?

Right.

English, but with a dialect.

Eh.

I know all about them dialects.

You do?

Sure, I seen
them on television.

Doctor Who and the dialects.

No, that's daleks.

Okey cokey.

A dialect is a form of speech
peculiar to certain areas.

Tell them where you're from.

I am a jock.

What is jock?

Masterji, please.

I am the know what is jock.

Good.

Would you like to tell us all?

A jock is be a funny story.

No, Jamila, that's a joke.

Mr. McGregor is from Scotland,
which is part of Great Britain.

Great Britain is
comprised of England,

Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.

No.

What do you mean, no?

No whales in England.

Whales in the sea.

I'm talking about
Wales the country.

The end of the M4.

Ah, got it.

Wrong number.

I'm not quite sure what to
do with you for the moment.

Oh well,.

You're not going anywhere.

Just sit down.

For a start, you can
concentrate on your diction.

What?

I don't understand,
what are you saying?

For example, repeat after me.

The fat black cat
sat on the mat.

The
fat black cat sat on the mat.

No, no, no.

Let's take each word separately.

All right?

The.

The.

- Fat.
- Fat.

No, not.
Fat.

Fat.

- Black.
- Black.

Cat.

- Cat.
- Sat.

- Sat.
- On.

- On.
- The.

The.

Mat.

Mat.

Good.

Now try the whole thing.

The
fat black cat sat on the mat.

Well, you better just sit
there and listen while I get

on with the rest of the lesson.

All right,

do whatever please
yourself, son.

You're on your own.

What are you doing?

Having a dram.

Oh, you fancy a touch of
stag's breath yourself?

Go on.
- Certainly not.

And I don't allow
drinking in the classroom.

Ah, I see.

Well, help yourself to a
smoke if you feel like.

No drinking and no smoking.

It's
worse than being in a kirk.

Precisely.

Right.

Now if you recall, I asked you
each to write a brief essay

on your various beliefs.

I hope you've all done so.

Su-Lee, would like to
read us out your essay?

What I believe.

Firstly, I not
believe in religion.

Excuse me, Su-Lee.

The subject was
what you believe.

Not what you don't believe.

Firstly it is
necessarily to make

platform on which intellectual
thoughts can stand.

When building house,
it is necessary to make

firm foundation.

Excuse me please.

I'm not understanding something.
- Yes, Ali?

What is it you're
not understanding?

I'm not understanding a word
of what she's talking about.

I quite agree, Ali.

Su-Lee does rather tend to
be dialectically verbose.

Blimey.

Now I'm not understanding
what you are saying.

Point taken.

Right, sit down, Ali.

Thank you.

Carry on, Su-Lee.

And this time,
stick to the point.

I believe everyone is
equal in eyes of state.

I believe in Chairman Mao.

I believe in dictatorship
of proletariat

and suppression of capitalism.

Ah, rubbish.

Not rubbish.

Western world corrupt and evil.

Ah, go home

and paddle in your paddy field.

Don't you talk
to me like that.

I'll report you to
selection board.

Ah, shut your gob.

That will do, Jock.

Kindly keep your
remarks to yourself.

Excuse, please.

Yes, Taro?

Not polite to insult Lady.

Please apologize.

Get knotted.

Put up your fist.

OK, hari
kari, if it's a fight you want,

you'll get one.

You ready?

No, sit down, both of you.

Honor must be satisfied.

Yeah, well you can
satisfy it after class.

Sit down, Taro.

And as for you, I'd be obliged
if you would keep quiet.

Thank you, Su-Lee.

I'll read your essay later.

Juan?

Si, se or?

Would you like to
read us your essay?

Sure.

What I Believe,
by Juan Cervantes.

So far so good, eh?

Yes.

Come on, get on with it.

Right, right.

I believe in one God.

And I believe in Jesus Christ.

Now, Jesus Christ--

Was the
first Roman Catholic.

Oh, what are you on about,

you big?

Por favor?

- He was Jewish.
- Por favor?

Jock is trying to make the
point that Christ was Jewish.

No.

He was a Roman Catholic.

No, he wasn't.

He was Jewish.

I'll punch you in your head.

I kick you up the back side.

And I kick you
up the front side.

I'll scratch your eyes out.

Please be leaving
something for me, also.

OK, who's first?

Sit down.

And as for you, if I have any
more interruptions from you,

out you go.

All right, all right.

Not a word.

Good.

- I go on, should I?
- No.

Your beliefs are just as
controversial as Su-Lee's.

- Por favor?
- It doesn't matter.

Sit down.

Come on.

We'll try you, Ranjeet.

I am believing that all
men are being born equal.

Oh no.

Jock, I have warned you.

Oh, come on, Jimmy.

I can't be expected to sit here
and listen to Charlie Chapati

claiming he's my equal.

What is he calling me?

Nothing, Ranjeet.

He is calling you
Charlie Chapati.

Ah,
well, the same goes for you,

Take-Away Tommy.

I give you a bunch of fire.

You can all go to tea break.

Go on, tea break.

And as for you.

You can just go to--

Just go.

- Where is everybody going?
- Tea break.

Well, do it quietly.

Ms. Courtney, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid I can't do it.

Can't do what?

Put up with our
Scottish friend.

He's a disruptive influence
on the rest of the class.

Mr. Brown, I'm
afraid that you must.

I have invited the sheikh to
meet the Board of Governors.

He has promised to give
us a new school hall.

I don't care if he's promise
to give you the Albert Hall.

Forgive me.

I couldn't help overhearing.

Is there some sort of problem?
- No.

Yes.

I'm afraid I cannot
put up any longer

with this chauffeur of yours.

He's rude, self-opinionated,
and extremely unpleasant.

And you can keep
your Rolls-Royce.

What an extraordinary man.

You'd better wait in the car.

OK, guv.

I'll just hang about
inside the motor now, eh?

Right.

That's a pity.

I was quite looking
forward to meeting

your board of governors.

And so you shall.

But now the
circumstances have changed.

The circumstances
may have changed,

but the object of the
exercise remains the same.

Now forgive me if I'm wrong,
but as far as I understand it,

you wish to be able to converse
with your Scottish chauffeur?

Yes, but I fail to see how
that can be achieved now.

Every problem
has its solution.

And that is?

He does as I tell him
or he gets the sack.

Come along, everybody.

Settle down, quickly.

I shall be taking over
the rest of the lesson.

And I won't stand
for any nonsense.

What has happened
to Mr. Brown?

Mr. Brown is in my office
doing some private tuition.

Repeat after me.

It's
a braw bricht moonlicht

nicht the nicht.

It's a braw bricht

moonlicht nicht the nicht.

Very good.

Try it once more.