Original subtitles

Come on, Ranjeet, it's your turn.

I'm thinking what I'm going to be doing.

You have been thinking for five minutes.

Patience.

We are playing Scrabble, not patience.

What do we want, Su Lee?

18.

Okeydokey, here we go.

18!

19!

20!

Hey, bullseyes to win, huh?

Very good.

Bravo.

Right, it's your turn, now, Zoltan.

OK.

Hey.

Attention.

Zoltan is throwing.

Back.

Sshh.

Momentito, momentito.

It's all right.

You throw.

I no bet.

What we want? - A five.

- Where five? - There.

Hey, watch it!

- Say, you are getting better. - Yes?

Yeah.

You're starting to hit the board.

Good.

What happened?

You're supposed to throw it forwards, not backwards.

Where is it?

Ah, it's all right.

I see it.

Pardon.

Oh, dearie me.

It's a good thing you were wearing your turban, Ranjeet.

Otherwise, it would have gone straight through your head.

Oh, blimey.

You wouldn't have felt it.

You'll be feeling my fist in a moment.

Hurry up, Mr. Ranjha.

I'm still thinking.

Yeah, Sikhs are slow thinkers.

Shut up with your mouth.

We must have time limit or-- come.

Ah, I'm getting a good one.

Sugar.

No good.

Sugar is not spell S-H- U- G- A- R.

I'm thinking you are mistaken.

You damn fool.

Everybody knows sugar is spelled with two Gs.

We win!

You want game, Juan?

We not have time.

Mr. Brown, he be here pretty prompt.

You frightened you lose.

Eh, I beat you blinded-fold.

Righty-ho.

Let's see you get double the top with your eyes closed.

Easy.

Easy.

Closed.

A-one, a-two, ha ha!

Help!

Maria!

Ow!

Who threw this?

Me.

Ah, I was trying to get that in top.

Looks like you get it in the bottom.

Are you hurt, Sid?

Huh?

Did it hurt?

You bend down, and you'll find out.

What is going on in here?

- Not a thing. - Dart game.

I beg your pardon?

Sid was just telling how he is good at dart playing.

Well, in future, Sidney, will you

kindly remember that the students have

more important things to do?

You get my point? - Yeah.

I got his point, as well.

Good heavens.

What's the matter?

This door is full of holes.

Ha.

Maybe it's the wooden work. - Woodwork.

Ah.

So right.

Yes.

Well, I've just had a telephone call from Mr. Brown.

He says he will be along later.

Apparently, he is tied up at his flat.

Oh, blimey.

Should we not be going to untie him?

I was speaking metaphorically.

It is better you speak English.

Now, Mr. Brown may put up with your stupid

remarks, but I assure you, you will find me a very

different kettle of fish.

Excuse me, please?

What is mean kettle of fish?

You'll find out.

Now, until Mr. Brown arrives, I intend to find out what sort

of progress you are making.

You, how are you doing?

How are you doing?

Very please, thank you.

How you doing?

I was inquiring about your English.

Your English.

No, no, no.

Hungarian.

You're hopeless.

No, no, look.

Hun- gar- i- an.

Sit down.

Thank you.

You, give me the present perfect of the verb "to move."

You know it not?

- Well, of course I know it. - Oh, good.

Then you can me tell?

It is not my place to tell you anything.

How can we learn if you tell us not?

You.

Ah, s , se ora.

What is a comma?

Por favor?

What is a comma?

Coma.

Ah.

Coma, coma is when you are unconscious.

That is a coma.

A comma is a punctuation mark.

Ah, so right.

I don't think Mr. Brown is teaching you anything.

Master Gs teach us very lots English.

When I am arrive, not one bodies is understand me.

Now, everybodies is understand everything I am speak.

I see.

Well, in that case, if someone were to stop you in the street

and ask you the time, what would you say?

That wouldn't help them.

Oh, yes.

In my street, it's all Indian peoples.

You.

Yes, please.

Give me a collective noun for a collection of ants.

Aunties.

Not "aunts."

Ants-- insects.

What is a lot of ants?

A damn nuisance.

Have you never heard of swarm?

Yes, please. England is cold.

Pakistan is warm.

Silence!

Oh, sorry I'm late, Miss Courtney.

So am I. I have just been seeing how

your students are getting on.

Oh, I think they're progressing.

Yes, but in which direction?

What have you been saying to upset Miss Courtney?

Oh, blimey, we are saying nothing.

She's asking some questions, and we

are telling her some answers.

Yeah, well that explains it.

Are you going away?

Only for one night.

I'm having my flat painted.

That's why I can't sleep there.

You are having your bed painted, also?

No.

It's just that I can't stand the smell of fresh gloss paint.

Where will you be sleeping tonight?

Well, I'll probably stay at the YMCA.

Hey, much better the YWCA.

I don't suppose any of you have a spare room, do you?

It would give me much pleasure for you

to share my humble house, but unfortunately,

my cousin and his family and also his cousin and his family

is staying with me.

You've got two families, both living in one house?

Two families, both living in one room.

You are very welcome to come and stay with me.

Have you got a spare room?

No, but I have a very big bed.

Yes, well, thank you for the offer,

but I think it had better be the YMCA.

You can with me stay.

Don't tell me you've got a very big bed, also.

I have small bed, better much.

OK, you stay with "hus."

Who's "hus"?

Um, us?

Me and Giovanni.

Sure, we got a room.

I didn't know you shared a flat.

Yeah, I had to leave my other place.

I had a big fight with a neighbor because of the noise.

What noise?

Every night, after midnight, guitar practice for one hour.

Well, surely, you could ask them to stop.

- No. - Why not?

It's me who practice the guitar.

You don't still practice the guitar, do you?

No, finish guitar.

Oh, thank goodness for that.

Now, I practice the drums.

What?

I make the joke.

I not practice anything.

Hey, what you say?

You stay with us?

Well, I, um--

OK.

You stay.

Hey, why don't we have a party?

That's a good idea.

Everybody come.

Yay!

I bring a bottle.

Yeah, make sure it's not empty.

I'll bottle bring.

Yeah, we get some pizza.

Chicken curry.

Fried rice.

Chapati and papadums.

Taramasalata.

Goulash.

German sausage.

Paella Valenciana.

Bombay duck.

Quiche Lorraine.

Smorgasbord.

I make you sukiyaki.

We give you a night you never forget.

Yay!

Yes, that's what I'm afraid of.

Come in professore.

Oh, thank you.

This is the hall.

This is the kitchen.

This is my bedroom.

That's my bedroom.

This is the living room and this--

And that's my bedroom?

No, that's a bathroom.

Oh.

So where am I sleeping?

Oh, you sleep here, on the sofa.

Sure, it's very comfortable.

- What was that? - What was what?

That awful noise.

It's only a train.

Only a tr-- this is worse than the waiting

room at Waterloo Station. - Don't worry.

You get used to it.

They only run every 10 minutes after rush hour.

Every 10-- I'll never be able to sleep

through all that noise.

We give you some cotton balls to put you in your ears.

Well, I shall need it.

Hey, look, we both go better get the drinks.

Do you want to come with us, professore?

Well, actually, I'd like a bath,

if that's all right with you. - Okeydokey.

We be back in 10 minutes.

Ah!

I left them here on the table.

Hey, where's professore?

Well, he said he was going to have a bath.

OK, come on.

Hey, just a moment.

Hello?

Max!

Giovanni!

Anybody there?

Desk Sergeant.

Yes, madam.

A burglar?

Now, don't panic.

Stay where you are, and I'll send

a police car around right away.

He's trying to pick next door's lock.

Don't worry. I'll sort him out.

Oh, I do hope this sort of thing doesn't happen often.

I only moved in yesterday. - Stand back.

I'm going out there.

George, you stay with Miss Partridge.

All right.

Come quietly.

Oh, look you're making a mistake.

Do you live here?

No, but I'm staying here with friends.

What's the address?

I don't know.

I've never been here before, you see.

Oh, I see.

Look, there's a perfectly simple explana--

Well, why don't you come down to the station

and tell it to the perfectly simple sergeant?

Hey, professore is not out here.

He's not in the bathroom.

Well, he's not out there, either.

Maybe he decide to sleep at YMCA after all.

No, his bag is still there.

He said he was going to have a bath.

Well, blimey.

Maybe he has gone down the plug hole.

Japanese philosopher say, when a person is not here,

he must be somewhere else.

We know he's somewhere else, but somewhere where?

Buenos noches.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho--

ho-- hey, what's the matter?

It's Mr. Brown.

What about Mr. Brown?

He's gone.

Gone?

10 minutes ago he was here.

Now, he's gone.

He's not dead, he's vanished.

Ah, gracias,.

All right, what's your name?

Jeremy Brown.

Brown?

Yes.

Oh, well, I suppose it makes a change from a Smith or Jones.

Now, according to PC Barnes, you were

caught breaking and entering.

I was not breaking and entering.

Were you picking the lock?

Yes, but--

Do you live there?

No, but--

Charge, breaking and entering.

Now, look, you're making a terrible mistake.

That's what Crippen said.

I demand to see my lawyer.

Sid, they've not nabbed you tonight, as well?

Is he one of your accomplices, eh?

No, I know him.

He can vouch for me.

The state he's in, he couldn't even vouch for his own mother.

What's he done, Barnes?

Drunk and disorderly.

Pardon?

Drunk and disorderly.

So am I.

Sergeant, he is the caretaker at the school where I teach.

He will tell you who I am.

You.

Do you know this man?

He's a copper.

Sid, it's me, look.

Tell the sergeant who I am.

Charlie Farnsbarns.

What?

Never tell him your real name, son.

Take him away.

Bring him back when he's sober.

Now there, Mr. Brown or Farnsbarns or whatever

you call yourself--

Brown.

Professore!

Max! Giovanni!

Thank goodness you're here.

Look, tell this-- tell this sergeant who I am.

He's Mr. Jeremy Brown.

Yeah, he teach us to speak the English.

Do you live at 6 Winthrop Road?

Sure, we do.

What happened?

Where you been?

Well, I got locked out on your balcony,

and your public-spirited neighbor

thought I was a burglar and called the police.

So you were telling the truth.

Yes.

I have a good mind to sue you for false arrest.

If you do, there'll be a charge of assault and battery.

Why, I haven't assaulted anyone.

No.

But I should go now, before I do.

Hey, everybodies, we find Mr. Brown!

Now, we all have the party.

Hey, where's all the food?

We saved you a piece of quiche.

Oh, good.

Blimey, I was hungry, so I'm eating it.

Big deal.

Well, actually, I could do with a drink.

Ah, no drink.

What, not a drop?

Ah, s , one drop.

Don't worry, professore.

I fix everything for us.

Max?

Pub. - OK.

I go and get some beer.

Then, we all have the party.

No, not all.

I make a date with Danielle.

We are going to have a dance.

Ol !

Se orita.

Au revoir.

Enjoy yourselves.

We must also be go.

Yes.

Master G, Ali is be letting me watch his television.

Yes, we are not wanting to miss "Starcurse & Crutch."

"Starsky & Hutch."

Jolly good.

See you at school time.

Yes.

Good evening, everybody.

A thousand apologies.

Why?

What have you done?

Nothing.

It's what I'm going to be doing.

What are you going to be doing?

Taking Ingrid for a lecture.

We go and see Swedish film.

It is being all about the Swedish pear.

I think you mean au pair.

That is correct.

You'll be excusing us, please?

Yeah, certainly.

Have a good time.

Ah so, ah so.

Ah so.

Now, don't tell me you two are going to the pictures, too?

No, not so.

Su Lee and me go to bed.

- Beg your pardon? - Not together.

I go home to read little red book.

I go sleep.

Sayonara.

Sayo-- too much sake.

Too much sake.

Hope you have pleasant night.

Ciao.

Well, It's going to be a swinging party.

Not to worry.

Now, we got plenty beer for five.

You have even more for three.

Oh, not you, too, Anna.

Yeah, us too.

I help Zoltan mit homework.

Come.

Good morning.

Good night.

I hope.

And then, there were three.

OK, everybody.

Hey, where is everybody?

They've all pushered off.

Some nice friends we got.

Hey, look, why don't we go down to the disco?

Hey, that's a good idea.

And, we'll pick up a couple of birds.

Oh, I don't want to pick up a couple of birds.

The professore's right.

We don't want to pick up a couple of birds.

We pick up three birds, one each.

No, you two go on.

Why you not want to come with us?

Well, I feel tired and wounded.

I think I'll just turn in for the night.

You sure, now?

Yeah.

No, but don't let me stop you two going.

Okeydokey.

I'll just get ready for bed.

You'll find some blankets in the airing cupboard.

Ah, yes--

Any cotton wool?

In the bathroom.

Thank you.

See you tomorrow.

Hey, why is he shouting?

I don't know.

You want a beer before we go?

Sure.

There you are.

Grazie.

Hey, it's stuffy in here.

Yeah, it is a bit, isn't it?

Ah, that's better.

Yasou.

Salute.

Nice party.

Fantastic.

You know, Max, I really fancied that Ingrid.

Yeah, you'll fancy anyone.

That's not true.

Is it?

I don't fancy you.

Hey, our light's just gone out.

Mr. Brown must be wanting to sleep.

We better go to the disco.

OK.

It's locked.

Hey, professore!

"The house was very quiet.

Nothing could be heard.

Yet, the old lady could almost feel a sense of evil.

She listened.

The silence was oppressive.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the window."

Desk Sergeant.

Oh, it's not you again, madam.

Are you sure it's not the same fellow?

There are two fellows?

Look, I suggest you just sit there and wait.

Go around and see a neighbor and wait

till the constable arrives, eh?

Oh!

Oh, please, excuse me.

The front door was open.

I did knock. - Oh, sorry.

I was asleep.

There's burglars on my balcony.

Are you sure?

Yes, I saw them.

Evil-looking, they were.

They'll be rifling my drawers now.

Hmm?

The French window wasn't locked.

Oh, I see.

All right, well, leave it with me.

I'll go see what they're up to.

Oh, do be careful.

Yes.

What are we going to do?

Break the window.

Max!

Giovanni!

What are you doing here?

Well, you locked us out.

Yeah, we knocked on the window next door,

and the woman screamed and ran away.

Well, she thought you were a burglar.

You better get inside.

Just a moment. I'll go and get the beer.

No, no, no, I'll get it.

You stay here.

All right, come quietly.

Now, are you sure you don't mind

me staying here for the night?

Not at all, sir.

I think it'll be safer for both of us, eh?

All right.

At least I'll get some sleep.

Good night, sir.

Good night.

Pssh.

Who's there?

Pssh.

Oh, it's you, Mr. Brown.

Let's have a singsong.

Sugar in the morning, sugar in the evening,

sugar at the suppertime.