Original subtitles

Mr. Anderson, I will pop him in the choppers.

You must be fast.

I'll be kicking you out the..

Come on. What's going on here?

What's all this about?

They're having a religious discussion.

Yes.

Well everyone sit down, please.

I will not have this sort of behavior in the classroom.

He's saying rude things about Allah.

And you are saying rude things about my case.

Yes.

Well in the future kindly keep your differences to yourselves.

Now shake hands.

Oh, no.

I'm not shaking hands with an infidel.

Ali, shake hands.

But he's the one who started it any.

I'm only giving him titty for tatty.

Tit for tat.

Yes, please.

I don't care who started it.

Shake hands.

OK.

Ranjeet.

I cannot shake the hand to a barbarian.

Well either you shake hands or go home.

It's entirely up to you.

Sit down and pay attention everybody.

Please.

Pay attention.

Attention. Here we are.

No, Zultan.

It's not that sort of attention.

It means to attend, to listen.

Hey, He no speak very good.

No, I would like you all to help

Zultan to grasp a few rudiments of the English language.

Excuse please.

Yes, Ingrid.

What is rudiment?

Can anybody tell Ingrid what I mean by teaching Zultan

some rudiments of English? - Sure.

You want us to tell him a few naughty jokes.

No, Giovanni.

Just English conversation.

We will learning to speak English as good as what we dos.

Well on second thought, perhaps it's

not such a good idea after all. Right.

Come on let's get cracking.

Questions and answers tonight.

Come on.

Remember you're here to learn, not enjoy yourselves.

Juan.

S , senor.

What is a colloquialism?

It's a long word.

Yes, but what does it mean?

It means, I don't know what it means.

It's another word for slang.

Slang.

Ah, like a broken arm.

Broken arm?

S .

When you break an arm, you put it in a slang.

That's a sling.

Ah.

Thought I--

Colloquialism is a term applied

to words used in everyday English that are not literary.

Understand?

No.

Well, I suggest you study chapter 9, vocabulary.

Taro.

Rephrase the following sentence.

The lawn needs cutting badly.

The lawna needso cuttingbo goodly.

No, Taro. The lawn badly needs cutting.

What is the future of the verb, I sleep.

I wake.

No, Anna.

The future of I sleep is I am going to sleep.

Ya.

And after I sleep, I wake.

Giovanni.

S .

Give me a sentence using the word, deliver.

That's easy.

Too much vino is no good for deliver.

Are you serious?

Sure.

I read it in the newspaper.

Yeah, well I suggest you study the chapter on spelling.

Okey cokey.

Max, decline the verb, to write.

I write, he write.

Wrong.

OK.

I right, he wrong.

I write, he writes, she writes.

Concentrate on your verbs.

OK.

Ali.

Yes please.

Spell chemist.

Oh blimey.

K, E, M.

Chemist does not begin with a K.

It sounds like it begins with K.

CH.

That is making it chemist.

No.

The CH is pronounced kuh.

Ah, now I'm understanding.

C H is kuh.

Yes.

Oh blimey.

Then last night I'm eating a sandwik

with keys and.

It's not a hard and fast rule, Ali.

You need to study the chapter on consonants.

Jolly good.

Daniel.

Give me another word for obnoxious.

Swedish.

Come on.

Ranjeet.

If something that is black is blackish,

what is something that is red?

A book.

Reddish.

1,000 apologies.

But you're right, they are red.

What are?

Radishes.

I like them very much.

It's radishes.

Another 1,000 apologies.

Su-Lee, what is a green belt?

What you wear with your green dress.

A green belt is an area of land on which

you are not allowed to build.

Jamila, what is the past tense of I ride?

Excuse, master D. I no hear question.

What is the past tense of I ride.

I like better when I no hear question.

Move along, Jamila.

I ride.

I ride it.

Rode.

Ah, I ride it on road.

The past tense of I ride is I rode.

Ingrid, what is the meaning of the word, illiterate?

Someone who is knowing language not.

At last, someone has answered a question correctly.

Well done, Ingrid.

The question was easy.

Easy as yours was.

Listen how she speaks the English.

All backwards to front.

That won't do, girls.

Come on, Ingrid deserves to be complimented.

She's the only one to answer a question correctly.

Hey, you not ask Zultan anything yet.

Well, I hardly think you'll understand the question,

let alone be able to give an answer.

Please.

What is this?

It's.

Book.

Ah, book.

Good.

What is that?

Window.

Window.

- Door. - Door.

Very good.

Now, what is this?

Window.

Book.

What is that?

Door.

Window.

Door.

Good.

Crumpet.

If this is an example of your teaching methods,

Mr. Brown I am not amused.

It's probably something he picked up from Giovanni.

Well I came in to ask you about the coach trip.

What coach trip?

Don't you ever read the notice boards?

Oh, yes.

Well occasionally.

Not listen, everybody.

For the past two weeks there has been a notice on the board

to the effect that Mrs. Hunter, our history teacher,

is organizing her annual coach trip

to a stately home for Sunday.

We are going to Barclay Hall, the ancestral home of Humphrey

Earl of Barclay, which is renowned

for its remarkable collection of tapestries

and ancient manuscripts.

Now who would like to go?

Don't you want to go?

I'm afraid he doesn't understand much English.

Well put his name down.

It'll do him good.

The tickets are one pound 50 each.

You can collect the money.

And I shall expect you to come along, of course.

Are you going?

Naturally.

Well I had planned to do something on Sunday.

Cancel it.

Well I don't think I can.

I shall expect you to be here on Sunday at 12:00 sharp.

Good morning, everyone.

Are the others on the coach?

They haven't arrived.

Not yet.

Morning everybody.

everybody.

What is all this?

It's beer.

We are not driving.

So we can be drinking.

Should we have the first one now?

No, we won't have at the first one now.

Please, get on the coach everyone.

We can't.

Why not?

You're only short one coach.

Ms. Courtney's in there now sorting it out.

What did the man say, Ms. Courtney?

The man said you only ordered one coach.

That's not true.

I definitely ordered two coaches.

Typical male inefficiency.

Is there a problem? - Yes.

We're a coach missing. - Can't they send one down?

They haven't got another one.

They're fully booked. - What are we going to do?

Oh, I could get you a coach.

Could you, Sid?

Yeah.

My brother-in-law is in the coach business.

He lets you out for old change and old age pensioners.

I drive for him in me spare time.

Would you like to go and ring him, Sidney?

I'll don't mind to pop around the corner.

It's not very far.

I'll be back 10 minutes with a cockroach and more.

With a coach.

Stop this at once, geez.

I expect they're anxious to get started.

Why don't you get going and we'll follow on as soon

as Sid arrives. What a good idea.

Now Mrs. Hunter, will you get on the boss?

Allow me.

Thank you.

All right.

Ms. Courtney.

No, I'm not going.

Oh, you've changed your mind?

No, I am getting on your coach with you.

Stop it, please.

Oh, blimey.

I'm thinking we are missing the bus.

No, no, no.

Ours hasn't arrived yet.

We are being OK.

All right.

Hey, you've got some beer as well.

Why don't we have a drink now?

That's a good idea.

It is not a good idea at all.

This is supposed to be an educational trip,

not a tippler's tour.

Here we are.

Is this the best you can do, Sid?

Don't worry.

She's very comfortable.

Just like riding on a cushion of air.

And don't forget there's plenty

more where this came from.

Hey, when we get on coach, you and me, we sit together.

OK?

Aye.

I'm a sit next to Danielle.

You go sit next to Ingrid.

Hey.

No, no, no.

Ingrid sits beside me.

I would very much like to sit with Ingrid.

What are you arguing about now?

It's about where we sit on the coach, professore.

But Danielle is desperate to sit next to me.

Is that right, Danielle?

No.

You see.

She wants to sit next to me.

Yes?

No.

I want to sit next to Mr. Brown.

I like Mr. Brown to sit with.

You not sit next to Mr. Brown, you Swedish bas--

Everybody sit down in your places, please.

As we have some time to wait for the coach,

and in order to avoid any further arguments,

we will draw lots.

Lots of what?

Drawing lots will decide who will sit next to who.

All right.

So I want you to write your names on these pieces

of paper I'm giving you.

And then we will put them in the waste paper basket

and draw them out one at a time.

Liko Bingo.

Similar to Bingo, yes.

Don't forget to write your name.

No, I won't, Danielle.

All right.

Everybody finished?

All right.

Now fold them up and put them in here.

And this time when I draw them out, that will be final.

I don't want any more arguments.

Is that understood?

Yeah.

Good.

Right.

Everybody ready then?

Ingrid, will you give them a shake for me, please?

Yeah, I shake it for you.

Good.

Ali.

Oh dear me.

Who is going to be the lucky one to be getting me?

Ranjeet.

Can you please stop it again?

No.

It's a perfectly fair system.

In any case it's time you two learned to coexist.

Max.

If the next name is Giovanni, I'm not going.

Anna.

On second thoughts, I'd rather have Giovanni.

You are very rude.

I was only joking.

When we get on coach you and me, we sit at the back.

OK?

We sit at the front and no funny business.

Danielle.

Please let it be me.

Zultan.

Santa Maria.

You will sit next to Danielle on the coach.

Ah, thank you.

Taro.

Jamila.

Happy to sit next to you.

I am also most happy to be sitting next to you.

Ingrid.

Profesor, please.

Juan.

Giovanni.

It's got to be Su-Lee or you, professore.

Su-Lee.

But who are you to be sitting next to, professor?

Come along, everybody.

- Come along, Mr. Brown. - Right.

You no where we're going, Sid?

No idea.

Then how does he think he is going to get us there.

Oh, don't worry, Ms. Courtney.

I've got a map and a pretty good sense of direction.

We'll be there in time.

I am thinking we are lost.

We are not lost.

Now where are we, Sid?

I don't know. You had the map.

You were doing the navigating.

Well I couldn't read it in that old bone shaker of yours.

It kept jiggling up and down.

Then you should have jiggled up and down with it.

We are most definitely lost.

We are not lost.

We're just not where we should be.

Perhaps you could show us where we should be.

Well, I know where we should be.

I just don't know where we are.

Look, we passed a sign just down the road.

Now did anybody see what it said?

- Yes, please. - Right.

Well, I'll look it up on the map and then

we will know where we are.

I really don't think that would be much help, Mr. Brown.

With all due respect, Ms. Courtney,

I happen to possess a pathfinders badge

from the Boy Scouts.

So I know quite a bit about map reading.

Once I know what the sign said, it's a simple matter

to find out our exact location.

Now what did the sign say?

Cattle crossing.

Do you think you can find that on the map, Mr. Brown?

I'm telling you, we are lost.

If you don't shut up you'll be lost cuz when

we move off we'll abandon you.

Well, I suggest we carry on until we get to a main road.

There's bound to be a sign post. - Good idea.

All right. Start her up, Sid.

Come on everyone.

Finish your drink.

We're leaving.

Now what's the matter?

Well it sounds to me as if the engine won't start.

That is paintedly obvious.

The engine won't start.

Why won't it start?

Well, hang on a minute.

We'll find out.

Boys, give us a hand with that bollie, will ya?

Oh, I and Mr, Brown, switch the ignition on when I tell you.

All right.

Switch on.

Funny.

Sid, your petrol gauge reads empty.

Yeah, well it's broken.

It always reads empty.

So how do you know when it is empty?

I got a dipstick here, see.

Stand back and let me through.

Stand back Ms. Courtney.

You see, this is the petroleum.

We put the dipstick in as far as it'll go.

That tells you whether it's fuller or whether it's empty.

Well, it's empty.

Marvelous.

We don't know where we are.

And even if we did, we wouldn't be able to get anywhere.

Ah, never mind. I'll go find a garage.

Hey, why don't we have another.

Might as well, I suppose.

There's no telling how long til Sid will be here.

Give me a sip of that.

Ms. Courtney.

No thank you.

And I don't think any of you should have a drink either.

Oh, come on Ms. C. One little drink won't harm anyone.

They have already consumed two of those large cans.

What goes in must eventually come out.

And it could lead to a lot of embarrassment.

Excuse me, please.

I'm not really wanting to be embarrassing.

Then you will have to wait.

Oh, blimey.

I shall wait on the coach.

Right. Well come on.

Gather around, everyone.

While we're waiting for Sid we might as well have a lesson.

Aw, no lesson.

Mr. Brown, we're not in the class.

It no good to work on Sundays.

Six days shall thou be in labor.

In China, people work every day.

With respeto, we are not in China.

All right, all right we.

Will play a game.

I know a good game.

A Kick or a Kiss.

Never heard of it.

The boys chase the girls and when they catch one

they say, what do you want, a kick or a kiss?

That's a good game.

From you, I prefer a kick.

We will play I Spy.

Now that is a game that will help

you all with your vocabulary.

Now, you get the first letter of something you can see.

And anybody else has to try and guess what it is.

I'll start it off so you can see how it's played.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with G.

Gigi.

No, it couldn't be.

Giovanni.

No.

I'll give you a clue.

I'm sitting on it.

Bottom.

No, Max.

Gate.

Oh, gate.

OK.

All right, who's going to go next?

Yes, please.

Ranjeet.

I am spying with my little eye something beginning with N.

N, everyone.

- Nose? - No.

Nuttle.

No.

Nesto.

No.

Neck.

No.

Nut.

No.

Nail.

No.

Knitting.

You are being stupid.

Knitting is not starting with a N.

Well done, Ranjeet.

In fact, we give up.

Now you tell us what is it that begins with N.

Engine.

You damn fool.

You are being more stupid than I.

Don't you call me stupid, you Pakistani..

Quiet.

Don't you two start again.

Hey.

Mr. Brown, I got some petrol from an old farm over there.

I'll get you there in no time.

Right. Come on everyone.

All aboard.

Hurry up.

Everybody out.

Come along.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

Where do you think you're going?

We are going to visit Barclay's Hall.

No, you're not. Shove on.

Don't speak to us like that.

I should report you to the Earl of Barclay.

I am the Earl of Barclay.

Now push off before I sick the dogs on you.

Look, you don't understand.

We have come to visit your stately home.

Well you are too late.

I only open the house from 12:00 to 4:00.

It's now a quarter to 5:00.

Now shove on.

But please, your earlship, couldn't you possibly-

Certainly not.

I don't believe it.

What a waste of a day.

Well it was a nice drive.

It was a terrible drive.

Do you think so?

You had better take us home, Sidney.

And for goodness sake, Mr. Brown,

try not to lose us this time.

Don't worry, Ms. Courtney, I never

make the same mistake twice.

All right.

Come on you lot. Get in.

I think we're up here.

No.

We're definitely down here.

You are both wrong.

We are over here.

Excuse, please.

I know where we are.

Well how?

We are where we have been before.

Well how do you know that?

I'm finding out in our drinking tins.

Hey, well that's easy then.

Isn't it?

I know me way back from here.

Thank goodness for that.

Come on, everybody.

Back on the coach.

Hey, we go in the back?

I think I am going to scream.

Now what are we going to do?

There's only one thing we can do.

Come on, everybody.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with.

Rain.