Original subtitles

- Ah, good evening. - Good evening.

I see that the meaning of the word punctuality

hasn't yet sunk in with certain members of our class.

You see, Max?

I thought we would be here before professori.

Better sit down before he comes.

Okey dokey.

Good evening.

How did you get in, through the window?

You're late.

Too busy drinking in the pub to notice the time?

Well, we've not been in the pub, haven't we, Max?

Sure, we haven't.

Look.

We were coming to the school, and we see this old lady

trying to cross the road. - That's right.

She was very old. - And very blind.

Yeah, pushing a pram.

An old, blind lady, pushing a pram?

Well, maybe she wasn't exactly blind.

Maybe she wasn't exactly there, either.

Sure, it's true.

On Max's life, we have not been in the pub, honest.

All right.

Hey, you left your books in the pub.

What's the matter?

Look behind you.

Not been in the pub, eh?

Now I remember.

We were there, just for a minute.

Come on.

Sit down, all of you.

Hey, why you not tell me the teacher's behind me,

you Italian macaroni?

Why, you-- you lump of Spanish omelette.

All right, come on.

Sit down and be quiet.

Yeah, teacher is right.

You, sit down. Sit down.

Be quiet. Go on.

Sit down. Go.

Sit down. Sit down.

Yeah, Juan, that includes you.

Por favor?

You heard.

Sit down.

I'm getting rather tired of this continual habit

of certain people being late.

Now 7:30 is the time class commences,

and you should all be sitting at your desks,

ready to begin work.

Now I shan't tell you again.

In the future, anybody who comes late will go straight home.

Good evening, everybody.

You're late.

Late?

Oh, no, look, please.

I am being early.

It is only 20 minutes past the 7 o'clock.

Correction, it is 25 minutes to the 8:00.

That clock is not being right at all.

Ah, and I suppose my watch is not being right also?

Yes, please.

Has it occurred to you that it might

be your watch that is wrong?

Oh, blimey, this watch is guaranteed never to be wrong.

It is 21 Julies.

Jewels.

Yes, please, I am buying it today from the marketplace.

You bought that watch from a stall in the market?

Most definitely, the man is telling me

it is jolly good bargain, 21 Julies

and real gold case, 18 turnips.

18 karats.

Sorry, please.

Well, how much did you pay for this 21-jewel,

18-karat gold timepiece?

Uh, 2 pound 50 pence.

I think he saw you coming, Ali.

Ah, most definitely, he was seeing me

coming before I was seeing him.

What I mean is you were swindled.

Oh, no.

Well, you can't buy a watch for 2 pounds 50.

Ah, but the man is telling me it is being so cheap because it

is bankruptured stock.

Rupted, it's not going, Ali.

Uh, perhaps it needs a wind up?

Well, there's nothing to wind up.

Look.

It's empty.

Oh, blimey, I am being cheated.

Excuse me, please.

I go to find the crooked man.

He won't be there now, Ali.

And what about my money?

Well, you'll just have to put it down to experience.

Now sit down. We've got a lot of work to do.

How are you coming along?

Have you learned any more English?

More English?

Yes, uh, bloody foreigners.

Yes, well, that's a start.

You'll just have to follow the lesson as best you can, yeah?

And I'll explain later.

Do you understand?

Well, never mind.

Sit down and do your best.

Right, now tonight, we're going to look

at sentence construction.

Now can anybody give me a definition of a sentence,

please? - Me, please.

Yes, Su Lee.

A sentence is a group of words that makes complete sentence.

Very good.

For example, communism if only true way of life.

Thank you.

Or capitalists are enemies of peace-loving people.

Or China will one day rule the world.

Yeah, I think you've made your point, Su Lee.

Good, thank you.

Right, now a sentence contains eight parts of speech.

Can anybody tell me what they are?

Come along. - Nouns.

Good, excellent.

- Pronouns. - Very good.

Hey.

Why am I very good, and she is excellente?

Well, all right, you're both excellent.

Fine, anybody else?

- A verb. - Good.

- Adverb. - Well done.

Adjective.

Yes?

Prepositiono.

Goodo, uh, good, yeah.

Conjunction.

Well done, and one more.

Come on.

Doesn't anyone know what the other one is?

An interjection, can anybody tell me

what an interjection is?

Si, senor.

Yes, Juan?

Needle.

Si, like, uh, doctor.

Bang.

Interjection.

No, Juan, that's an injection.

Ah, it's all right.

An interjection is a word put into a sentence

to express some emotion, such as oh, ah, or hush.

Right, we will now construct a sentence starting with a noun.

Ranjeet, can you give us a noun, please?

- Idiot. - Idiot?

Surely, you could have thought of something else.

I could have said Muslim.

Don't you be insulting me, you..

All right, that'll do.

Ranjeet, you are here to learn English.

Now kindly keep your personal prejudices to yourself.

A thousand apologies.

All right, now give me a noun, please.

A waiter.

A waiter, good.

Now, Max, an adjective.

Come along.

Look.

Ranjeet gave us a noun, waiter.

You describe him.

Is he old, tall, short, thin?

Well, how do I know?

I never met him.

We're not talking about an actual waiter, Max.

Ah, he's a part-time waiter.

We are trying to construct a sentence.

Ranjeet has given us a noun, waiter.

I want you to give me an adjective that describes him.

OK, a hold waiter.

An old waiter.

With a mustache.

Just old will do.

OK.

Right, we'll put a definite article in, the old waiter.

Now we need a verb, something he was doing.

Danielle?

Ooh, making love.

Can't you think of-- think of something better

that he could have been doing?

But I can't see nothing than better than making love.

Yes, but something more appropriate

to a waiter in a restaurant.

He served.

Served, good, the old waiter served.

Now we need an adverb.

Taro.

Ah, so.

Yeah, an adverb, please, modifying the verb, served.

Carefully-o.

Carefully-o, uh, carefully, he served carefully.

Right, now can anybody add anything to that?

The old waiter carefully served fish and chips.

Two more nouns and a conjunction.

Okey cokey.

The old waiter carefully served two

more nouns and a conjunction.

You were right first time, Giovanni.

Mr. Brown.

Yes, Sid, what is it?

Uh, there-- there's a geezer out here wants to see Ms.

Courtney.

Well, what's that got to do with me?

Well, I can't find her anywhere.

Will you come out and have a word with him?

Oh, yes, all right, now I want you to complete

the sentence using an interjection,

a preposition, and a pronoun.

And I shall be back in a minute, all right?

All right.

This is him.

Are you Ms. Courtney?

Do I look like Ms. Courtney?

Well, I asked to see Ms. Courtney.

Ah, well, who are you?

My name's Fo--

Forbes Fortescue.

Pardon?

Fo-- Forbes Fortescue.

Oh, Jeremy Bro--

Bro-- Brown.

I am an ATC.

I am a BA, Oxford.

My card.

Ah.

Oh, you are an ATC, an Assistant Town Clerk.

- Quite so. - Ah, I see.

Ah, Ms. Courtney.

Mr. Brown, is this another of your foreign students?

No, he's an ATC.

I don't care what nationality he is.

It's time you were in the classroom.

Madam, my name is Fo--

Forbes Fortescue.

He's hyphenated.

How unfortunate.

I am here from the town hall.

We have some news from the palace.

Victoria or Crystal?

Buckingham, I'm here in connection with the, uh,

ro-- ro-- royal visit to the borough next week.

And as the duke himself laid the foundation stone

of this building, it has been suggested

that Her Majesty and His Royal Highness

pay a brief, informal visit to the school.

The queen and Prince Phillip coming here?

Next Tuesday.

Did you here that, Mr. Brown?

They're coming here, the two of them,

together, in person, here, him and her, together, in person.

Well, calm down, Ms. Courtney. Don't overexcite yourself.

Oh, who's getting overexcited?

I'm-- I mean, I'm perfectly calm about the whole thing.

Oh.

I have seen some strange things on toilet doors--

bucks and does, um, uh, lads and lasses, setters and pointers.

But I have never seen dukes and queens.

Oh, it's not for them to use.

Well, what's it for?

Well, it's Ms. Courtney's idea.

You see, she didn't want to offend

the royal family by letting them see toilet doors.

So I've done the best thing.

I've discovered them.

Oh, well, very diplomatic.

Mind you, what a waste of time it is, though, Mr. Brown.

They must have loos in Buckingham Palace.

Well, absolutely, is the old battleaxe in yet?

The old battleaxe is here.

Well, I wasn't meaning you, Ms. Courtney.

Well, I trust you were not referring to Her Majesty.

Oh, no, no, no, I was referring

to Gladys, the tea lady.

Oh, here.

What's this for?

Well, it is not for sticking in your buttonhole.

It is to wave at the royal personages.

Are you going to change?

Into what?

Well, you surely don't intend to greet

our distinguished guests in that jacket.

Haven't you anything a little more formal?

I've got a black tie I wear for funerals.

Here.

Well, that's better.

I feel as if I'm going to a cup final.

Sidney?

Hmm?

Go and sweep the schoolyard.

I swept it up once.

Well, sweep it again.

You wouldn't like me to go down on me hands and knees

and scrub it, would you?

Don't be ridiculous.

It wouldn't dry before they arrive.

I think I'll go and polish the silver.

What silver?

Well, I brought my silver tea set, in case

they wanted a drink.

Oh, perhaps the duke would prefer a tot of rum,

being an ex-naval man.

Oh, dear, I hadn't thought of that.

Oh, well, he'll just have to make do with sherry.

Shall I ask Gladys to make up a couple of ham rolls,

in case they feel a bit peckish?

Ham rolls?

You can't give royalty ham rolls.

This is a very special occasion.

Tell her to open a tin of salmon.

They won't want anything to eat.

It is better to be prepared.

Oh, I wonder if we should have got a red carpet.

Look.

Why don't you go the whole hog and ask

the music class to play the national anthem as they enter?

This is supposed to be an informal visit.

I don't think you are approaching

this special occasion in the right attitude.

Well, I think you're being carried away.

Nonsense, this is an opportunity for all the staff

and students to show their loyalty

and devotion to our sovereigns.

It's up to the entire school to make a good impression.

One never knows where it may lead.

The new year's honors list isn't far away.

Honors list?

Yes, a knighthood could be within your grasp.

A knighthood?

Mr. Jeremy Brown.

Arise, Sir Jeremy.

Mr. Brown?

Yes, your majesty?

I beg your pardon.

Oh, I thought you were the queen.

Have you been drinking?

No, just daydreaming.

Well, you had better wake up.

They are due to arrive in half an hour.

Now where are your students?

Uh, they're in the cloakroom, changing.

Changing?

Yes, they insisted on wearing their national costumes.

Gladys?

Gladys, are you there?

What?

Oh, blimey, rule Britannia.

What, don't you like it?

Do what?

Don't you like it?

Very patriotic, I don't know whether to salute

you or run you up the flagpole.

I've got a surprise for you.

Yeah?

Look.

Oh, God, no.

That will surprise the duke.

Surprise him?

It'll paralyze him.

You're supposed to curtsy, not flash him your underwear.

Any of my stu--

good heavens.

Oh, don't speak to her.

She'll flash you her knickers.

Here, they will come up here, won't they?

Oh, yes, I expect so, Gladys.

Oh, I do hope so.

I think Prince Philip's lovely, and I've

always been fond of sailors.

Hey, don't forget.

He belongs to the queen.

Yeah, have you seen any of my students?

They're still changing.

Ah, well, go and tell them to hurry up, Sid, will you?

All right, yeah, I'll go.

Yeah, and I'd better get tidied up, too.

The duke might want to inspect the utensils.

I think this looks better on you.

All ready for your inspection, sir.

Carry on, Sid.

Ms. China.

Is that your national costume?

This is uniform of People's Army of Liberation,

as prescribed by Chairman Mao.

Do you not like it?

Well, I think it lacks a certain, uh,

finish, a belt of ammunition, a couple of hand grenades.

Ms. India.

Oh, very nice, Jamila.

It is Jamila, isn't it?

Yes.

Ms. Germany.

- What you think? - Very Teutonic.

Danke.

Ms. Sweden.

Beautiful, yes?

Beautiful, very.

And the clothes, too?

Well, I was referring to the clothes.

Ms. France.

What do you think?

Ms. Greece.

Well, don't take the Mick.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Greece.

Are you comfortable in that, Max?

It's a bit cold, boss.

Mr. Pakistani.

God bless Queen Elizabeth, and not

forgetting the Duke of Edinbug.

Duke of Edinburgh.

Him also.

Mr. Italy.

Are you representing Italy or the Mafia?

I represent Sicily.

Mr. Punjab.

Oh, most endearing, Ranjeet.

Thank you very much.

Mr. Hungary.

Very good, Zoltan.

Thank you.

Mr. Japan.

Nanki-Poo, I presume?

Ah, so.

And last but not least, Mr. Spain.

Ole.

Ah, Professori, there's still nobody coming.

Well, any minute now.

Come on.

In your places, everyone.

Um, where's Zoltan?

Ah, he's gone to try and find the toilet.

Ah, well, that may take him a while.

And I'd like to stress that this visit is informal,

so that Her Majesty may not necessarily

come into this classroom.

Yeah, well, you mustn't be too disappointed if she doesn't.

But if she does, I want you all to behave

just as if she weren't here.

Understand?

In view of the occasion, it would

seem appropriate to tell you a little

of the history of our British kings and queens.

Now it all started with the Norman conquest.

I have seen that on the telewision,

wery funny English play.

Yes, I am referring to the actual invasion of England

by William of Normandy.

It was 1066.

Wrong.

I beg your pardon?

Ten sickity-six, maybe, uh, 1056.

It was 1066.

No, cannot be, ten sickity-six, 60 minute, 1 hour.

Ten sickity-six, 6 minute past 11.

1066 was the year.

It's all right.

Right.

Now William of Normandy, by the way,

does anybody know what other name he was known by,

William the?

Corn curer.

Conqueror.

OK.

Now he was succeeded by his third son,

William Rufus, the Red King.

Oh, blimey, you are having a communist king?

No, no, he was called the Red King because of his red hair.

Jolly good.

Now William Rufus died in 1100 after being struck

by an arrow in the woods.

Hey, maybe it was Robin the Hood.

No, Robin the Hood wasn't--

Robin Hood wasn't born then.

He was in the Middle Ages.

How can he be middle aged if he's not yet been born?

Never mind about Robin Hood, all right?

Oh, yes, very colorful.

Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Brown, but they

will be here any moment now.

And I thought it would be rather nice if one of your students

were to present this to Her Majesty.

Hmm.

I'll do that.

It is usual for a bouquet to be presented by a lady.

With that skirt, who's a-gonna know the difference?

Come outside, and I'll show you.

Yeah, all right, that will do.

Sit down.

Now, uh, who do you suggest, Ms. Courtney?

Well, how about Jamila?

Yes.

Jamila, dear, will you come here?

And for goodness' sake, girl, get rid of that knitting.

Now then, Jamilla, I want you to wait with me in the hall

until their majesties arrive, and then you

can present this to the queen.

You curtsy first, and then you give it to her.

Now let's try that.

I am the queen.

You are queen, Courtney?

No, no, no, Jamila, come on.

She's just pretending.

Oh, ah, I am understand.

Here you are, Quenie.

You do not speak until you are spoken to,

and then you address her as ma'am.

Now let's try again.

Ah, there you are.

Ah, ah, uh, Superintendent, how soon

will the royal couple be here?

They are not coming.

What?

We've had to rearrange her schedule.

Oh.

They are going straight from the hospital to the town hall.

We're cutting out the visit to the school.

Well, I'd better go and tell Ms. Courtney.

There isn't time.

You must come with me now.

You men, follow me.

Excuse me.

Please?

My name is Mrs. Baxter.

My name is Mrs. Baxter.

And my husband has just joined your woodwork class.

Do you think I could have a word with him?

Uh, uh, hey, Sid.

No, you can't!

Sid, Sid--

No-- God, blimey.

It's her.

Hang on. Hang on.

Hang on.

Don't go away.

Try it again, and this time--

Ms. Courtney, Mr. Brown, she's here.

She's arrived.

She's outside. - She can't be.

She must have come in by the back entrance.

Well, don't leave her standing outside, Sidney, Show her in.

Yes.

So pleased to meet you, ma'am.

Uh, where is your husband?

He's in the woodwork class.

Well, I do hope we shall have the pleasure

of meeting him later on.

This is Mr. Brown, our English teacher.

How do you do?

Ma'am.

Jamila.

Mm, ma'am.

Oh, how kind.

And in this class, we are endeavoring to teach

English to foreign students.

Excuse me, Ms. Courtney.

Don't interrupt, Mr. Brown.

Yeah, well, I think you should know that--

Mr. Brown.

All right, please yourself.

Would you care for a cup of tea?

If it's not too much trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

You must come round and have a cup of tea with my husband

and I sometime.