Original subtitles

Oh, school.

I must phone the school.

Oh.

Yes?

How dare you, you dirty, old man!

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, blast.

Hello?

Hello.

Whoever you are, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

It's me, Jeremy Brown.

Well, what are you doing making obscene phone calls?

I'm in bed with flu.

In bed with who?

Flu.

Well, this is most inconvenient.

Typical of the weaker sex.

I shall expect you to be better by Monday.

In the meantime, I suppose I should have to take your class.

Excuse me!

You should stop.

Stop it!

All of you!

Now, what is the meaning of this?

It's s improve our English!

We don't know the English dances.

We are learning to be twisters, to trot like foxes,

and the mash the potatoes.

Yeah, also, we learn English phrases like,

do you come here often, and who is taking your home tonight?

There are more useful English phrases to learn than those.

Now, will you kindly tidy up this mess and sit down at once,

all of you.

And hurry.

I have to tell you that Mr. Brown will be with us tonight.

It appears that he has a virus.

Is that his girlfriend?

He has the flu.

He is laid up in bed.

Excuse please, how can he be laid up in bed?

Surely your are meaning he's laid down.

The term, to be laid up, means the same as being stuck down.

,, what a language.

There is nothing wrong with the English language.

It is the most widely spoken language in the world.

Does anyone know the origin of the English language?

Now come along, where did English come from?

England.

Not quite.

The early Britians were Celtic.

From Glasgow.

I beg your pardon?

There's Glasgow Rangers, Glasgow Celtic, football.

I was not referring to football.

I was talking about the race.

No, no, no, no it's not a race, it's football!

I see them playing at the Milano in the cup.

Now, don't contradict me.

And if I have any part of your stupid remarks,

I shall send you out of the class.

The Celts were a race of people.

Then came the Goths.

You see, I was right!

You have the calls in football!

All All right, Mr. Capelo.

I did warn you.

Kindly leave the class.

Where will I go to?

Well, I suggest that you go home and study your books.

Now, where was I?

You were standing there and you are still standing there.

Silence!

Now, take heed because I shall not tell you again.

Anyone who persists in uttering, idiotic nonsense

will be sent home.

Now, the Romans invaded Britain in 43 AD.

Can anyone tell me what AD means?

After dark.

Right, Mr. Nadir.

Come along, off you go.

What am I going for?

Don't argue, just go.

Excuse please.

Out.

To continue.

AD means anno domini, which refers to time

since the birth of our Lord.

The time before his birth we refer to as BC.

Does anyone know what BC means?

Before Christmas.

OK, I go.

The Romans were supplanted by the Angles,

Saxons, and Dukes, who brought with them a new language--

Excuse please!

I thought I told you to go?

Yes, I go, but I come back.

You are wanting on the telephone.

Mr. Brown is wishing to speak with you.

Very well.

Excuse please.

No. Anna?

Yeah?

You will take charge of the class in my absence.

I shall not be long.

And don't stand for any nonsense.

Do not worry.

I shall be standing for nothing.

I shall be sitting down.

Hello?

Oh, Hello, Miss Kone.

I just wanted to tell you I've got

all the students homework here.

Perhaps if you could send someone around to collect it?

We do not have a messenger service, Mr. Brown.

Are you sure you're too ill to come in?

I still feel pretty groggy.

I mean, besides, I wouldn't like you to catch my cold.

I never catch cold.

I expect the germs freeze to death instantly in your veins.

What was that?

Oh, nothing.

Look, I better hang up.

If you want the homework, it's here.

Oh.

And where is everybody?

They are giving me stupid answers,

so I sent them all home.

Ugh.

Oh, go away.

I not hear nothing.

Me, too.

Maybe he's sleeping.

Why don't we try around the back door?

Ah! Back door more better.

Hello?

Anybody there?

Yes, please.

- Oh, it's you. - Yes, it is me.

You rang the bell a minute ago?

No, I'm only just arriving.

Well, somebody rang the bell.

There's nobody here.

His bed's still warm.

Why the door open?

Oh, no good.

You're right, Jameel.

Somebody can come in and steal something.

What was that?

- What is what? - There was a noise.

There's somebody in there.

They've locked the door!

Oh, blimey.

I think you are getting a broken house.

Burglars?

Yes, please.

I think they are banging on your bell to see if you are inside.

And now they are breaking in.

Do you know, you could be right?

What's the matter?

I hear something.

Good Lord!

You're absolutely right.

I think I am being housebroken.

That was a very evil eye I saw.

It's a big evil eye!

Move out the way.

I open the door.

Standby.

I'm going to break the door down.

What have you done with Mr. Brown?

You fools!

How we know that's Mr Brown?

That's Mr. Brown!

Oh!

Oh, Mr. Brown, are you all right?

Yes, just fine.

Apart from a touch of concussion and raging fever, I'm terrific.

Thank goodness.

We thought you had flu!

What are you all doing here?

Why aren't you at school?

Well, we finished early, so we thought

we'd come and give you a visit!

Oh, that's very kind of you.

And we bring you a big bunch of grapes.

Oh, thank you.

We ate one or two on the way.

Well, it's the thought that counts.

You must get in bed a minute more.

Yes, I am starting to feel cold again.

Uh, Master D, I have neat, small gift for you.

Oh, thank you, Jamila.

You try.

Very kind of you.

Yes.

Little big.

Yes.

Well, it will keep me warm.

Oh, blimey.

You will not be needing to wear any gloves.

Well, perhaps it will shrink.

Come, Monsieur Poulain, I must have you in bed.

Pardon?

Oh, I see what you mean.

Let me tuck you in.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

All right.

Is that better?

Yes, I'm starting to feel warm all over now.

Jerrida and I will make you some hot milk.

Hot milk, most good for warms.

Worms?

I haven't got worms.

Not worms, warms.

Ah-choo!

Do you mean colds?

Oh, colds.

Come.

Well, I must say, it's very good of you

all to come and visit me.

Take a chair, each.

Jolly good.

Where do you wish us to take chair?

No, you don't need to take them anywhere,

just sit down on them over here.

Oh, OK.

Mr. Brown, I have something here

to make you feel much better.

Yeah, well, that's very good of you, Ollie,

but I don't want any more medicine.

But it is jolly good for your chest.

Are you sure?

Oh, blimey, yes.

Well, let's have a look then.

Oh, it smells awful!

I'm telling you, it is guaranteed to kill or cure.

Well, I'm not sure I like the first alternative.

Well here goes.

It's foul!

Oh, deary me.

I'm thinking you should not have been drinking that medicine.

You said it would cure my chest!

Yes, but you're supposed to be rubbing it on!

You poisoned me!

I ring the doctor!

It's more important we ring the priest!

Priest?

What for?

For your sacraments!

You may be dead before the doctor comes!

Oh, great, you may as well go all the way

and send for the undertaker.

- OK, what's his address? - Excuse please!

He's not being poisoned.

This medicine, also very good for your stomach.

Mm?

It makes you get up and--

go!

Just like prunes!

Oh, that's all I need!

I have spilt

all the milk all over my dress and now it will be ruined.

You haven't spilt the whole pint, have you?

That was for today and tomorrow.

Thank you very much!

Well, you better go and sponge it off in the bathroom.

Are you all right?

You have gone a funny color.

I think it was something I just drank.

Shall I give you the kiss of life?

Yes-- no!

No, no, no.

You'll catch my cold.

You can give me the kiss of life, please.

Me, too.

- So you like the kissing, yes? - Oh, yes.

Yes, please.

Oh, good.

I shall give both you the most beautiful french kiss.

Oh.

Oh, I wonder who's going to be first?

Close your eyes.

Excuse, Mr. Brown.

Is there anything else you are wishing us to do?

Yes.

Just go home.

You don't want us to stay?

No, no.

I appreciate your calling, but it's

just that I would recover much quicker if I were left alone.

OK.

We go to the pub.

We hope you much better soon, Mr. Brown.

Come on, Ollie.

Good evening!

Good night!

Master D?

Hot war.

Oh, thank you, Mila.

Oh, see who that is, would you?

What are you doing here?

I warmed bed for Master D.

I beg your pardon?

It's all right, Miss Courtney, she means she was just warming

a hot water bottle for me.

Mr. Brown, it is highly improper for this young lady

to be here alone with a man.

Oh, well, I can assure you, Miss Courtney, that nothing

improper is taking place.

Mr. Brown, where can I hang my dress?

Good night, Mr. Brown, sir.

Good evening, Ranjeet.

What do you want?

I am coming here to be making you over the weather.

Over the weather?

Yeah, because I'm hearing you're under the weather.

Better come in and sit down.

Are we going to be sitting down together?

No, I still don't feel too well.

I think bed's the best place.

Whatever you say.

I didn't mean the two of us.

My apologies.

Oh, see who that is, Ranjeet.

Antoine, please come in!

I come to see how Mr. Brown is.

You OK?

Terrible.

Never mind, I come to cheer you up.

Oh, good.

I could do a cheering up.

I think you don't look very well.

I think he look very white.

He is white.

But he looks more white than before.

I think you have what we call in Sevilla, the three day gripper.

I don't like the sound of that.

Only the last three days.

On the first day, fever like you have.

On the second day, white as you are.

And on the third day--

You get better?

You die.

Finito.

Finito.

Oh, thanks for coming to cheer me up!

It's all right!

I bring you something.

Don't tell me it's some Spanish medicine recommended

for rubbing on chests.

No medicine, Fundador.

Fundador?

S , Spanish brandy.

Un momento.

It's a good taste.

It's strong!

Kill all germs!

Not household germs.

Any germ.

Well, I mist say it's warming me up already!

Mm, can I have some more?

Sure, sure!

I go!

Ah!

Tony!

Ah!

Come in!

Sit down!

Have a drink!

Ranjeet--

Yes, Yes, please, Mr. Brown?

I need some glasses.

Are your eyes bad as well?

I mean glasses to drink from.

Wholesome apologies.

There's some in the side board.

Bring three.

Uh, may I do--

Here you are, Mr. Brown.

Thank you.

One for.

Thank you.

One for Ranjeet.

You are most kind.

And one for Juan!

Bottoms up!

Ah!

What is bottoms up?

It's an English phrase used when having a drink.

I am thinking it us not easy to be drinking with bottom up.

No, no, no, Ranjeet.

It refers to the glass, the bottom of the glass, tip it up.

Ah, si.

As you say, up the hatch!

Down the hatch.

Si, down the hatch.

Now I am understanding.

I am also knowing, and they're saying, around the tip

and through the gums, look out, tummy, here it comes!

Very good!

Do you mind if I have another?

Claro, claro.

Oh, look, you've finished the bottle.

I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

I've brought genuine Japanese Sake.

Oh, Sake, yes.

I've heard of that.

That's what those geisha girls give you, isn't it?

Geisha girls give you much more.

Yes, so I understand!

Hey, Taro, is it true that the geisha girl,

they give you the on the ,, eh?

Yes!

Ah!

Yes, yes!

In Japan, man has a cold, he go see geisha.

What happens?

Geisha prepare a hot bath, then wash men all over.

I shall think that would send your temperature up.

After, men lay on bedding, geisha

rub him with perfumed oils.

And does that cure a cold?

No, it makes it much nicer.

Oh, watch it, Ranjeet.

Look, and if anybody--

leave the catch lock so that if anybody comes,

they can walk straight in.

Good evening, Mr. Brown.

Oh, Su-Lee and Anna.

We bring you some things to make you well.

Oh, well, that's very kind of you,

but actually, I'm feeling a lot better.

These will clear your head instant.

Take.

Oh, well.

I've tried everything else.

I'm sure a couple more pills won't make any difference.

Now, we need some hot water.

It's all right, I'll take it with the Sake.

What for you do that!

You said they'd clear my head!

You are supposed to put them in a hot water

and breath in the fumes!

Oh, I don't feel well!

What about you, Su-Lee, have you got

some Chinese medicine for me?

Oh, this is not medicine, this is

very ancient Chinese treatment.

Is it anything like the geisha girls give you?

Oh, much better.

Oh, wow.

In that case--

First, you must strip.

Yeah?

All right!

Only to waist!

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Now, lay down on stomach.

Like this?

Uh, yes.

I'm ready.

Very good.

Oh, blimey.

- What's the matter? - Nothing!

Nothing! Nothing whatsoever!

Oh, that's lovely.

Can you do the other side as well?

Hey!

I've heard of kill or cure, but that's

ridi-- what are you doing?

Acupuncture!

Very old Chinese custom.

I got it from honorable ancestor!

Yeah, well, honorable ancestors

can jolly well have it back!

Come on back!

We have all each of us bringing

something to cheer you up.

Jamaica rum!

French wine.

Greek Ouzo.

And Italian Grappa!

Hey, you taste that, eh?

You say it was an accident?

Ha, ha, accident.

Danielle spilled milk on her dress.

Oh, I see.

It appears that, for once, I have misjudged Mr. Brown.

Well, I suppose I had better call in

and apologize on my way home.

Who wants another drink, eh?

Hey!

Oh, it's all gone!

Oh.

Hey, everybody!

It's the conga!

Mr. Brown?

Hello, Miss Courtney.

This is disgraceful.

No, please, this is Congo.

Silence!

I suggest you all leave immediately.

Aww.

Thank you all for.

It made my flu time really pleasurable.

As for you, Mr. Brown, words fail.

Oh, come on, Miss Courtney.

They're only coming here to cheer me up a bit.

I warn you, Mr. Brown, if this sort of thing

ever occurs again in the future, you are out!