Original subtitles

Aw.

Right.

It's me next.

Come, come.

Sh.

Miss! - Italy!

Italy!

Now you watch me, huh?

We are the champions!

We are the champions!

We are the champions!

Yes, good evening.

What's going on here?

We are playing the English game

of shoveling the halfpenny.

Italy against Greece.

Si.

Me, arbiter.

Chicken.

Chicken?

Si.

When a player is shoved aside, chicken.

That's a foul.

Fowl, chicken, the same.

It's not quite the same.

Who's winning? - Italy.

- Oh. - Only just.

What's the score?

Six-nil.

Very close.

What's that? - Oh.

It's some-- it's--

- It's water. - Sure.

It's water.

Water.

That's wine.

Wine?

Santa Maria.

Another miracle.

Yes, well, I don't want to see that in this class again.

All right.

Now, back to your places, everybody.

Straighten up this table please.

Thank you.

Right.

Rather than go straight on to a lesson,

I thought it might be a good idea

if we all talked about what we did at the weekend.

Right?

Give you all a chance to brush up

on your English conversation.

Right, now who shall we start with?

Danielle.

How did you spend your weekend?

I went to Brighton with my new boyfriend.

Oh, very nice.

And he was very naughty.

Yes, well, people usually are in Brighton.

No, he was naughty on the motorway.

Quiet, please.

The police were not very happy.

I'm sure they weren't.

They made him stop the car.

You mean he was driving at the time?

Of course!

Why else would he be doing the 100 miles an hour?

You mean he was speeding?

Yes.

What did you think he was doing?

How about you, Anna?

Did you spend a weekend with your boyfriend?

Nein.

I have no boyfriend.

Oh, that's a pity.

Everyone should have a boyfriend.

I have no boyfriend.

I was referring to the girls, Ranjeet.

My apologies.

I once had a bad experience with the boy.

- A bed experience? - Yeah.

What?

You mean he tried to get you into bed?

Nein.

Not bed, sleep.

Bad, opposite from good.

Oh, bad.

Yeah, bad.

Yes, what happened?

I cannot tell you.

It was too awful.

Japanese philosopher say, confession very good for soul.

Yeah! Tell us what happened.

Well, you don't have to if you don't want to, Anna.

Maybe it is better I get it off my breast.

Chest.

Yeah.

It was dreadful.

I still blush when I'm thinking of it.

Yes, well, perhaps you better not tell us then.

She must!

Most definitely.

I am all ears.

It was about five years ago, and I was

going out with this boy, Cord.

I was young and innocent.

One night, we had been to the beer garden,

and we had been drinking a lot of schnapps.

Afterwards, I'm inviting him to my apartment for coffee.

Ooh la la.

Japanese philosopher also say, man

goes to lady's apartment for drink,

usually end up having nibble.

Well, I think we'll leave your Japanese philosopher out

of it, if you don't mind, Taro.

Go on, Anna.

Then we sat together on the bed,

and he was stroking mine end.

Which end?

This end!

Oh, your hand.

Ah, I see.

Oh dear.

I am thinking I am too young to be hearing any more.

You may Leave the room if you wish to, Ranjeet.

Oh, no.

I'll stay.

It is good to be knowing the ways of the world.

What happened next, Anna?

Cord was kissing me on my neck.

Sacr bleu.

Then he was kissing me on mine shoulder.

Then he was kissing me all over the place.

Go on.

And I was feeling all romantic.

Then, with all the drink what I had drunk, and the warmth

of his body by mine on the bed, I did something

I have always been ashamed of.

Well, what did you do?

I fell asleep.

Oh, Santa Marie!

When I woke up, he was gone.

How sad.

Well, and Taro. - Ah, so.

How did you spend your weekend?

I go to Paris.

Oh, Paris.

Yes.

Ah.

Weekend in France, eh?

No, no.

Not France.

In London.

Taro--

Yes, teacher?

Paris is in France.

Not Buckingham Palace.

Buckingham Palace.

I follow you.

You follow me?

Yeah.

I didn't see you there.

No, no.

I mean, I understand that you went to Buckingham Palace.

Yes.

There I see loyal fragon.

Loyal fragon?

Royal flag?

Ah, so.

Very nice.

Good.

Uh, Jamila. - Si.

How did you spend your weekend?

- Weekend? - Yeah.

What did you get up to?

What did you do?

Jig-jig!

You went dancing?

No.

Jig-jig.

Film.

Maurice Chevalier.

Thank heavens for little girls.

Ah, "Gigi."

Ah.

"Gigi."

Ah, good.

Max.

That's me.

How did you pass your weekend?

Saturday I go to see the big fight.

Ah, a boxing match.

No, no.

Football match.

And Sunday, I take my girlfriend to see the Tower of London.

Oh, very cultural.

Did you see the Beefeaters?

Beefeaters?

Yes.

No I only see people eating sandwiches.

All right.

All right.

Very funny.

Juan?

Si, se or.

What happened to you at the weekend?

Por favor?

How-- how did you spend your weekend?

Por favor?

Weekend.

Semana. - Ah.

Si, hombre.

Semana.

Saturday, I work in bar.

Sunday, I stay in..

Eh?

Por favor?

I mean, pardon?

You slept.

Si.

Sleep.

But I thought you were in RC?

Por favor?

Roman Catholic.

Ah, si. Catholic.

But you said you slept.

I mean, surely you're supposed to go to church on Sundays.

Eh, God, he tells us, six days you work.

On the seventh day, you rest.

I rest.

You big sinner.

No sinner.

Si.

When you die, you not go to heaven, you go down hell.

OK.

There's more friends down hell than up heaven.

less than five minutes down there,

and you'll be just another Spanish omelette.

All right.

That'll do.

Never mind.

Sit down, Giovanni.

I presume you did go to church?

- Si, every Sunday I go to mass. - Aye.

You're a practicing Catholic, then?

I not practice.

I'm perfect.

In Italy, when I was a little boy,

I was going to be a priest.

Really?

What made you change your mind?

It's like this.

One day, the priest give a big sermon in the church

all about women, girls, and the pleasures of the flesh.

And the more he spoke, the more I realized

what I would be missing.

Excuse me, Mr. Brown.

Do you mind if I intrude for a moment?

No, not at all.

Well, the school is holding a draw next weekend,

and I'm selling tickets for it.

Excuse me.

This drawer you are selling tickets for.

- Yes? - What sort of drawer is it?

Is it from the dressing table or what?

It's not that sort of drawer, Ranjeet.

It's a raffle.

Oh, apologies.

Now, it's in a very good cause, the old age pensioners.

Tickets are 10p each.

Who's going to buy some?

Well, what about you, Mr. Singh?

Thank you very much, but I must decline.

But it's for the old age pensioners!

Yes, but what am I going to be doing with one if I win?

The pensioners are not the prizes.

A thousand apologies again.

The first prize is a weekend for two in Paris.

Oh, I'll take one.

I wouldn't say no to a weekend in Paris.

Why don't we share the ticket together?

Maybe we can share the weekend too.

That is immoral.

Oh, but it's very nice.

I am sure that Mr. Brown wouldn't

dream of doing any such thing.

Would you, Mr. Brown?

No, no.

Of course not.

I think I'll leave these tickets with you.

Do you think you can get rid of two books?

Well, I don't--

Excellent. Excuse

Excuse, please.

Sorry we are late.

We are delayed because of the reason of mist.

- Mist? - Yes, please.

But it's a perfectly clear night.

How can you have been delayed by mist?

We missed the bus.

Then we had to go to the dressmaker's for a fitting.

You're not having a dress made?

No, not Ari.

Me.

She's having a dress made for wedding.

Wedding?

You mean you're getting married, Su-Lee?

Yes.

Next week at legislate office.

Oh, I must say, you kept rather quiet about that.

Oh, blimey.

She's been swept off her foot.

Feet.

Well, who's the lucky man?

Do we know him?

Yes, please.

It is me.

Enter.

Finished with your tray, love?

Yes, thank you, Gladys.

Well Well, tomorrow is the big day, then.

What big day?

You know, the wedding.

Ali and Su-Lee.

Oh, that.

Yes.

I had a long talk with that girl last week about her future.

Oh, that was nice.

However, in spite of all I said, she's

decided to go through with it.

Well, there's nothing wrong in getting married.

You ought to try it.

I am perfectly happy as I am, thank you.

Miss Courtney--

Yes?

Can I be a bit personal?

If you must.

Have you never been with a--

a man?

What do you mean?

Well, you know.

Certainly not.

I prefer a hot water bottle.

At least you can hold it against you

without it getting out of us.

Have you never wanted to get married?

Well, There was one occasion many years ago.

A boy I was very fond of.

In fact, we were inseparable.

He asked me to elope with him.

Oh, how romantic.

And did you?

Almost.

We set off one morning for Gretna Green,

but I'm afraid we never quite made it.

How far did you get?

Golder's Green.

My father caught up with us and dragged me back home.

Well, he forbade me to see the boy again.

He said we were far too young.

Oh, what a shame.

How old were you?

He was eight, and I was six.

Oh, never mind, dearie.

I know there's somewhere, someone

somewhere waiting for you.

Then you'll have a very long wait.

I have no intention of subjugating myself

to any member of the male sex.

So I take it you think women are equal to men.

Certainly not.

Women are far superior.

So you won't be at the wedding tomorrow?

No.

I have better things to do with my time

than go and watch two people embarking

on such a foolish enterprise.

Oh, well, I'm going.

I love weddings.

And I think they'll make a lovely couple.

Help yourselves, everybody!

Oh!

It's a lovely spumante, eh?

Ah.

Su-Lee, for you.

Thank you.

And Ali, for you.

A lovely glass.

Sorry, no.

It is against my religion to drink.

It is also against my religion!

Hold it.

Another miracle, Giovanni?

No, Professori.

We drink to health of the happy couple.

You have a glass, eh?

Yes, well, I suppose it is a special occasion.

Eh, prego.

Oh, thank you.

Well, what about a toast, then, eh?

We have no toast.

Only biscuits.

No, no, no, no, no.

I mean a toast for Ali and Su-Lee.

We have no toast for them either.

To Ali and Su-Lee.

To Ali and Su-Lee!

May all your troubles be little ones.

Little ones what?

It's an English expression.

It means to hope that you have a family, a baby.

Oh, blimey.

I'm doing something about it last night.

Yes.

I'm preparing a little room for nursery.

Ah.

Please, I am having a very funny thought.

He's Pakistani, she's Chinese.

If they have a baby, it'll be Pakinese!

How dare you!

I shall be teaching you not to be insulting,

you ignorant son of a bearded puff!

Come on, then!

You also

All right. That'll do.

Come on.

Now, let's not forget why we're here.

You still have a lot to learn.

Now, back to your places, everyone,

and put those glasses away.

Right.

Now, this evening, I thought we'd try

and have a group discussion.

All right?

Yes?

We'll pick a subject, and then we'll

all discuss it thoroughly.

Now, what would you like to discuss?

Girls.

I don't think so, Giovanni.

Anybody any other suggestions? - Sport.

Sport. Yes.

Good idea.

That's a good subject, Max. Right.

Sport.

Now, although most sports are international,

there are, of course, various activities

which are peculiar to individual countries.

For example, the national sport of France is--

Football. Good.

Well done, Danielle.

And the national sport of Italy?

Girls.

That's not a sport.

Maybe not, but it's more popular than football.

Su-Lee, what is the national sport of China?

China excellent at everything, especially

table tennis and athletics.

Japan much more athletic.

Champions of karate!

Chinese Kung Fu much superior to Japanese karate.

Not so.

I'm a black belt. Kung Fu, much inferior.

Hiya!

- Oh! - Oi-ya!

All right!

That'll do for now.

We don't need any more oriental punch-ups.

Go and sit down.

Right.

Who can tell me what the national sport of England is?

Yes, Jamila?

Balling.

Balling?

On bowling green.

Bowling.

Oh, bowls? Oh, well, yes.

That's not exactly the national sport.

No, that honor goes to cricket.

Please.

I not understand cricket.

Well, it's quite straightforward.

There are two teams of 11 men each, and one side goes in,

and the other side have to try and get them out.

I didn't know you could play it in the doors.

It's not played indoors.

Yeah, but how can somebody be out when he's already out?

Well, I'll try to explain.

See, the team that is bowling is on the field,

and the team that is batting is in the pavilion.

Now, the first two men, batsmen, come out to go in.

And then the first one of those to be out goes back in,

and then another batsman comes out to go.

Is that clear so far?

Oh, sure.

When he's in, he's not really in.

He's out.

And when he's out, he's not really out.

He's in.

That's right.

,, it's crazy.

Mr. Brown.

Mr. Brown, you're wanted straight away.

It's Miss Courtney, and she said it's very important.

Oh, thank you, Gladys.

I shall only be a moment.

Giovanni, would you take charge of the class while I'm away?

- Sure. - Good.

Pick a subject.

OK.

Now we talk about girls.

Enter.

You sent for me, Miss Courtney?

Yes.

Oh, this is the teacher, Mr. Brown.

I am hearing much about you.

Well, I hope it's all good.

This young lady has called to see Mr. Nadim.

Oh, Ali.

You're a friend of his, then?

More than a friend.

You're not his sister, are you?

No.

I am his wife.

Ah.

Tonight after class, we take you into the pub, huh?

Yes, and we're having a big feast.

Si.

Big fiesta.

Plenty drink.

It is last night of freedom.

Thank you, please, but it is not necessary.

I do not drink.

Groom deserve it.

It's a tradition the night before the wedding

for the bridegroom to be smashed!

I think you all men are male chauvinist pig.

why you not invite us to the pub?

What?

And spoil the ending?

You make your own fiesta.

We go to Pub G. All ladies.

No, please.

Jamila is right.

We have our own celebration.

That's right.

Ali.

Yes, please.

Can I see you, please?

You are seeing me now.

I mean I want to see you in private

in Miss Courtney's office.

It's rather important.

OK.

Oh, excuse me.

I will be back very soon, my beloved.

Ah, l'amour.

I wonder what was so important for Mr. Brown

to be telling Ali.

Uh, maybe he's going to tell him the facts of life.

All right.

Sit down, Ali.

- Thank you. - Where's--

I've sent her to the tea room.

Oh, good.

Well, I think it might be a good idea

if Ali and I were left alone.

I presume you'll speak to Miss Su-Lee?

You presume wrong.

I think Mr. Nadim should do his own dirty work.

Well, Ali--

Yes, please.

I'm not going to beat about the bush.

What bush?

I have just met your wife.

Oh, jolly good.

I must say, it came as rather a shock.

Excuse, please.

She's not all that bad looking. - I don't know, Ali.

No, no, no, Ali.

You don't understand.

You are a married man.

Oh, yes.

Well then, how can you possibly be thinking

of marrying Su-Lee tomorrow?

Why not?

It's bigamy.

Oh, no.

It is big of me.

No, no, Ali.

You don't understand.

You can't have two wives.

Oh, yes, please.

It is allowed by my religion.

If the first wife is agreeable, then

the husband can take another.

You mean your wife doesn't mind?

Not at all.

It is to have the baby.

Baby?

Yes, please.

We have been now trying for four years,

and nothing is happening.

So I'm taking another wife to have the babies.

Well, it's against the law in this country.

But they're not going to be finding out, are they?

Yes they are, because I'm afraid I'm going

to have to be telling them.

Oh, blimey.

Now what am I going to be doing?

Well, I think the first thing you should do

is tell Su-Lee about your wife.

Oh, she's already knowing it.

And she doesn't mind?

Not at all.

She's been very much in love with me.

Well, look.

You'll just have to tell her that the wedding is off.

She will be broken hearted.

Yes, well, you should have thought of that before.

Come in.

Excuse, please.

Miss Courtney say you want see me.

Yes, come in, Su-Lee.

Ali has something to tell you.

Yes, Ali?

Well, you see, what I'm trying to say is,

well, there is something very important you must be knowing.

What is it?

Well, Mr. Brown will be telling you.

Ali!

Sit down, Su-Lee.

Well, I don't quite know how to say this,

but it has to be said.

I do have something to say.

It's about the wedding.

I cannot marry Ali.

You see, the point is--

pardon?

I cannot marry Ali.

Why can't you marry Ari?

Marry Ali?

I'm not in love with him.

But you must have said that you wanted to, surely.

Yes.

I was being sorry for him at the time.

But now I know it is not possible.

How am I going to tell him?

It will break his heart.

Oh, don't worry, Su-Lee.

I'll tell him.

I'm sure I'll be able to let him gently.

Yes. You leave it with me.

I'll sort it out, I'm sure.

I'll have a word with him.

Excuse please, Mr. Brown.

Yes, Ali.

- Did you tell Su-Lee? - Yes.

Oh, jolly good.

Now I'm being very happy with one wife.

Good.

I hope she didn't mind too badly of me?

Well, I was-- I was as tactful as I could be.

I told her that it's better to have loved and lost than never

to have loved at all.

What a beautiful thought.

Was she very sad?

Absolutely heartbroken.

Did you tell Ali, Mr. Brown?

Yes, Su-Lee.

I told him it's better to have loved and lost than never

to have loved at all.

Was he very upset?

Broken hearted.

Right.

Now pay attention, everybody.

Ali and Su-Lee have had a long discussion,

and by mutual agreement, have decided to call off

their wedding.

We've already booked the pub!

We've ordered all the toast and the drinks.

Yeah!

Yeah, well, you'll just have to cancel.

Excuse, please.

You do not have to be canceling it.

But we have nothing to celebrate.

Oh, blimey.

Yes we have.

My lovely wife is telling me that I'm

going to be a daddy at last.

Hey!

Come on, everybody!

To the pub!

- Yay! - just a moment.

It's not time to go yet.

There's half an hour more.

I say!

Come back!

Just a moment, where do you all think you're going?

Uh-huh-huh-huh.

To the pub.

Mr. Brown, this is most unsatisfactory.

Well, I agree.

Well, what are you going to do about it?

There's only one thing I can do.

If you can't beat them, join them.

Uh-huh-huh-huh.