All language subtitles for Mind.Your.Language.S01E01.The.First.Lesson.576p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-MiU_track3_[eng]

Enter.

Squeeze me please, lady.

Yes, what is it?

I'm coming here

for to be learning the English.

You're early.

Oh no, I'm Ali.

I beg your pardon.

My name is Ali, Ali Nadim.

I'm coming here for to
be learning the English.

Ah, yes, yes.

You wish to join our new class,
English as a foreign language.

Yes please.

And I'm hopping to be unrolled.

Hopping to be unrolled?

Like it say in your silly bus.

You mean hoping
to be enrolled.

That is what I said.

Hopping to be unrolled.

Yes.

Well, I'm afraid you
cannot be unrolled--

enrolled until the
English teacher arrives.

She should be here
in a few minutes.

In the meanwhile,
perhaps you would

care to wait in the classroom.

Go down the corridor,
turn left at bottom

and wait in room five.

Understand?

No.

Well let's start again.

You go down the corridor.

Down corridor.

Good.
Turn left.

Turn left.

Right.

R-- but you are confusing me.

Left or right?

Left!

Look.

You just go down the
corridor, turn left

and wait in room five.

Room five.

Ah, now I am
understanding you.

Room five.

Yes.

Jolly good, thank you.

Oh, dearie me, I'm not
going where I am looking.

No, I wasn't looking
where I was going.

That makes the two of us.

Excuse me, sorry.

Enter.

Mrs. Courtney?

Miss.

Ah, sorry.

I'm your new teacher,
Jeremy Brown, BA, Oxam.

You're a man.

Yes.

Well, this is
most unsatisfactory.

This won't do at all.

Oh, I assure you, my
credentials are impeccable.

Academically, perhaps.

I'm talking about sex.

I also assure you my morals
are perfectly respectable, too.

I'm referring to the
fact that you are a man.

I distinctly requested
the local authority

to send me a woman teacher.

Especially in view of what
happened with Mr. Warburton.

Mr. Warburton?

Yes.

He was teaching English to
foreign students last term.

I'm afraid he only
lasted a month.

Then he departed.

Dead?

Demented.

Yes, the strain was
too much for him.

Typical of the male
sex, no stamina.

Oh, he seemed to be
able to cope at first.

And then one day,
he just snapped.

It was really quite disgusting.

Really?

What did he do?

Climbed out of the classroom
window onto the roof,

took off all his clothes
and stood there stark naked,

singing "I've Got a
Lovely Bunch of Coconuts."

Very distressing.

Well, there's no need
to worry on my account.

I mean, I'm not likely to climb
out of the classroom window.

I know you aren't.

Oh, thank How you
for your confidence.

It has nothing to
do with confidence.

We've had the window
frames nailed down.

How very thoughtful.

Well, I really would appreciate
the job, Mrs. Courtney.

- Miss.
- Miss Courtney.

I am qualified, and
I rather do need

a job, what with the economic
situation and inflation--

All right, there's
no need to whimper.

You can start immediately.
- Thank you.

On a month's trial.

Thank you.

If you last that long.

I'll do my best.

Where will I find my students?

Class five, down the
corridor and turn left.

Right.

I'm looking forward
to meeting them.

I'm sure we're all going to
get along extremely well.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Quiet please!

Silence!

I'm pleased to meet you all.

We are also pleased
to be meeting you.

I am Brown.

Oh, no.

You are committing a mistake.

A mistake?

Yes, please.

You are not brown.

We are brown.

You are white.

My name is Brown.

I am your teacher.

Ah, you professore.

Yes, well I--

Quiet, please.

Thank you.

Right.

Would you all like to sit down?

Sit down.

I'll just take a note
of all your names,

nationalities and occupations.

Yes?

Well, I haven't the faintest
idea what you are saying,

but I'm sure you're not trying
to find the needlework class.

It doesn't matter.

Have a seat.

Sit down.

No, not there.

There.

Right.

I'll just go around the
class and take your names.

Ah, yes.

What is your name?

Maximillian Andrea
Archimedes Papandrious.

I think I'll just
put you down as Max.

I take it you're Greek?

Is right.

From Athens.

Good.

And what is your job?

I walk with sheeps.

You walk with sheeps?

You're a shepherd?

You work on a farm?

Oh, no, no, not farm.

But you just said
you work with sheep.

No, no, no, no.

Sheeps.

Big sheeps.

Ships!

Yes, sheeps.

Tonkers.

Tonkers?

Tankers!

Right Right.

I work in office.

Thank you.

And your name?

Anna Schmidt, German au pair.

Usual German efficiency?

Germans are always efficient.

Not-- sir.

Japanese much more efficienter.

Nein, Germans are the best.

Japanese make much better
television and all cameras.

Please, let us
have no racialism.

In this class all are equal.

Your name.

Giovanni Capello.

Italian.

Where do you work?

- I work in.
- A waiter?

No, not a waiter, a cuckooda.

Cuckooda?

Si, I cooka da ravioli,
I cooka da spaghetti,

cooka da lasagne.

I cooka de everything.

A chef.

OK, a chef.

Can I have your name?

What is your name?

Me, Jeremy Brown.

You--

Max, Anna Schmidt,
Giovanni Capello, you?

Oh,

Yes, yes, write
your name down.

Good, good.

It's no good.

I need your name in English.

No Urdu?

No Urdu.

Ah, certificate
of registration.

Jamila Ranjha, housewife.

Thank you, good.

And your name?

I am Ali Nadim.

We met before.

I'm working at the moment
not anywhere at all.

You're unemployed?

Yes, please.

Only one day I'm working.

What do you do then?

I'm going to you got
unemployment extension for

to be collecting my money.

Oh, blimey.

I get more money for not being
working than when I am working.

Yes but before you discovered
this secret of eternal wealth,

what did you do?

Blimey.

I worked.

At the Taj Mahal.

- In Delhi?
- Oh, no.

Pardon me.

Taj Mahal Restaurant.

Jolly good.

A thousand apologies
for my lateness.

The omnibus was going backwards.

Are you sure?

There must be a more
logical explanation.

It is the absolute truth.

I was told to be taking
a number 27 omnibus.

And I complained.

But it went in a
backward direction.

No, I think you meant it
was going the other way.

That is the gist
of what I am saying.

1,000 apologies.

Perhaps
you'd like to sit

next to Ali, your countryman.

I can't sit there.

It's impossible!

- Why is it impossible?
- I am Sikh!

Oh, dear.

I hope it's not contagious.

Perhaps you ought to come
back when you're better.

I do not comprehend the
gist of your conversation.

You said you were sick.

No, no, no, no.

I am not referring to my
physical state of mind.

My religion is Sikh.

And he is Muslim.

Islam is the only true faith.

And Muslim for
a false prophet.

How dare you be speaking about
God's holy mission, you fool?

Sikhs are unbelievers
and infidels.

Sikhs are peace-loving people.

And if you are not
careful, I will

have much pleasure
in dispatching

you unholy messenger with this!

I will not tolerate any
religious intolerance.

Now put that knife away.

He called me an infidel.

Well, he didn't
mean it, did you?

Most definitely.

I swear by the
five rivers of Punjab

to slice your throat
from there to there.

Ear to ear.

Here to there
or there to here.

I will slice him!

There will be no
throat-slicing in my class.

If you want to do
that sort of thing,

you should have joined
the sports and pastimes.

Put your knife away and be a
good chap and go and sit down.

How do you feel about
Roman Catholics?

Oh, I treat them
like my brothers.

Good.

Well, you can go and
sit next to Giovanni.

Infidel!

Gentlemen, please.

You are here to learn
English not start a holy war.

And what is your name?

Ranjeet Singh.

And you are from
which country?

Punjab.

And what is your job?

I am a very important member
of the British underground.

Underground what?

Just the underground.

Mind the doors!

Oh, that underground.

And your name?

Taro Nagazumi.

My name card.

Japanese.

Representative of
electronics.

Very good, very good.

And finally, your name?

Your name.

What is your name?

Juan
Cervantes from Seville, Senor.

No need to ask what
nationality you are?

Spanish!

What is your job?

Tree logger.

Tree logger?

What, do you log trees?

One gin tonic, two
whiskey coca, three lager.

Three lagers.

Si.

Oh, you work in a bar.

Si, si, bar, bar.

Are we
all right, Mr. brown?

Yes, thank you.

Apart from one attempted murder
and a possible race riot,

I seem to be coping
reasonably well.

Well, what I really
came to inform you about

was the registration
fees for the students.

Now it's five pounds per head.

And I should be grateful if
you would collect the money

and bring it to my
office in your tea break.

Right, I'll do that.

Well, we have one thing
to be grateful for anyway.

Sex won't be rearing
its ugly little head.

I beg your pardon?

Well, in my experience,
it isn't race or religion

that causes the problems.

It's usually the presence
of some foreign beauty.

Jealousies, intrigues,
all that sort of thing.

Yes, well looking
at my class, I

don't think we'll
be too bothered

with anything like that.

I come to learn English.

Have I come to the right place?

Enter.

Mrs. Courtney--

Miss.

Miss.

I've just brought
the registration fees

for the students.
- Ah, good.

Now how many students have you?

Nine.

So there should be
45 pounds in there.

Well, that all depends
upon the rate of exchange.

I don't quite follow you.

Not all of them had five
pounds in English money.

So I collected 29
pounds 50 in sterling,

and the rest is made
up of 2,000 yen, 3,000

lire, 250 pesetas,
75 drachma, 50

francs and 12 Deutsche marks.

According to this
morning's financial papers,

that should give us a profit
of 1 pound 42 and 1/2 p.

Then I suggest you take it
to the bank in the morning

and convert it to
English currency.

Right, I'll do that.

By the way, how
is the femme fatale?

Ah yes, Danielle.

Well at the moment
she's in the tea room

with Italy, Spain, and
Greece, trying to establish

diplomatic relations.

I hope she's not going
to cause any bother.

Oh no, I'm sure she won't.

Look, I'm
going to sit here.

No, it's me who is
going to be sitting here.

Before you were
sit over there.

And before you
were sit over there.

You take.

Who me?

You go back, sit
where you were before.

- No, I sit here.
- You not sit here!

Who is going to
be stopping me?

Me.

Ha!

Ha, yourself.

You think you're tough?

Come outside.

OK.

Where are you going?

We go outside to
have the punch down.

You mean the punch up.

I'm going to, how you say,
knock his bloody block off.

We see whose bloody
blocker is knockered off!

Just a minute, what
is all this about?

I tell you Mr. White.

Brown.

Excuse me.

It's about where we sit.

And what's wrong with where
you were sitting before?

It's my eyes, professore.

I've got to sit
nearer the front.

Here.

I see.

And I suppose it's got
nothing to do with the fact

that Danielle is
sitting here too?

She is?

I never noticed!

You see, it's my eyes.

I'm a little short sighted.

And also a much bigger liar.

It's not true, Mr. Green.

The name is Brown.

You see, I'm
color blind as well!

And Max, I suppose you've got
trouble with your eyes as well,

have you?
- Oh, no, no, no.

My eyes are OK.

It's my hears.

I'm not hearing very well.

That's a likely story.

What you say?

I say you both go back and sit
where you were sitting before.

Now!
- Santa Maria.

I hope you don't think I
was, how you say, too forward.

No, no, I'm sure you weren't
in any way to blame at all.

Teacher, please.

Mr. Brown?

Yes.

Please forgive my lateness.

I apologize, but I lost my way.

Not to worry.

What is your name?

Chung Su-Lee.

And where are you from?

Democratic Republic of China.

And what is your job?

Secretary.

Chinese diplomat.

Very nice.

Right, where shall we put you?

Taro, how are relations
between Japan and China?

Depends on the
political viewpoint.

Japan, light wing.

China, reft wing.

I see.

Are you light wing or
reft wing-- right or left!

I follow teaching
of Chairman Mao.

Well, in that case,
you better sit next

to Jamila, the Indian lady.

All right?

Thank you.

Right.

Now we will start by learning
a few basic English verbs.

And firstly, we will
take the verb to be.

To be, to be.

To be.

I am English.

You are Chinese.

He is Italian.

She is French.

He is barbarian.

You are asking for a kick
up your big brown backside!

Pay attention, please!

I am.

I am.

You are.

You are.

He, she, or it is.

He, she or it or he--

We are.

We are.

You are.
They are.

They are.

I shall now go
around the class

and ask you each to give me a
sentence using the verb to be.

To Taro, I am.

Ah, so.

I am very happy to
be learning English.

Very good, good.

Giovanni.

He is.

He isida fool.

Good, but not isida.

He is a fool.

Yes, he is a fool.

Max, she is.

She is beautiful.

She is wonderful.

She is--

Yes, yes, thank you Max.

Juan?

It is.

It is.

It is raining.

There you have it.

No, no, it is raining.

We'll skip you for the moment.

Doesn't matter, sit down.

Su-Lee, it is.

It is duty of every citizen
to overthrow imperial woman.

So say Chairman Mao.

Yes, well that's his opinion.

Good.

Danielle, we are.

We are lucky to have such
good, handsome teacher.

Quiet, please.

Very true.

I mean, uh, thank you.

Ali, you are.

You are.

You are waiting for
me to speak an answer.

Well done.

Unfortunately, I'm not
understanding the question.

I want you to give me
a sentence using you are.

I am.

No, not I am, you are.

For example, you
are from Pakistan.

I am from Pakistan.

Good, yes, But
now use you are.

But I cannot say you are from
Pakistan because you are not.

Repeat after me.

You are English.

No, no, I am from Pakistan.

What am I?

You are confusing me.

You are stupid poof!

Don't you call me a poof!

Poof.

I will kill you!

Sit down, sit
down, please, quiet.

And there's really
not much more we

can do until you all
get the textbooks

I was telling you about.

But what I would like you to
do is some homework, all right?

I want you to write me an essay.

A short story about
your life here in England.

Things you do, the
things you like--

I'll see all on Wednesday.

Ah, Mrs. Courtney.

Miss.

Miss.

Well, I've just dismissed
the class for the night.

I think we've just
about covered all there

is to for the first session.

You look a trifle
under the weather.

The job getting
you down already?

No, no, I'm fine,
never felt better.

There is just one thing, though.

Yes?

That window you nailed
down, the one Mr. Warburton

climbed out of?
- What about it?

I think we ought to
put a few more nails in,

just to be on the safe side.