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1
00:00:21,233 --> 00:00:24,600
Hello! Hello and welcome!
Thank you very much.
2
00:00:25,533 --> 00:00:27,300
Now, as you know,
3
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:30,433
the producers on this show
like to give us challenges.
4
00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:33,000
Specifically when they give us
a very small amount of money,
5
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,600
and tell us to buy a used car,
6
00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:37,500
then they set unbelievably
hard tasks to do,
7
00:00:37,533 --> 00:00:40,433
to see which one of us got
the best deal.
8
00:00:40,467 --> 00:00:42,333
Yeah, this week,
for a Top Gear special,
9
00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:44,200
they came up with
a real humdinger.
10
00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:47,033
They gave each
of us 1,500 quid,
11
00:00:47,067 --> 00:00:49,300
and told us to go to Africa...
12
00:00:49,333 --> 00:00:51,167
-...and buy a car.
13
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,133
Yeah, and there were just
two conditions,
14
00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:55,067
it mustn't be
four-wheel drive,
15
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:58,500
and it mustn't be built
in any way to go off road.
16
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:08,700
MAY: The meeting point
was the border post between
Zimbabwe and Botswana,
17
00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:11,700
and, for once,
I was the first to arrive.
18
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,433
Now, as you'd expect,
I've done this properly.
19
00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:21,567
What I've got is a
1985 Mercedes Benz 230E,
20
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,533
a car that Africa
absolutely adores,
21
00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:27,400
because it's comfortable,
it's rugged, it's dependable,
22
00:01:27,433 --> 00:01:30,367
and, frankly, if the other two
have brought anything other
23
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,533
than one of these along,
they're idiots.
24
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:36,067
MAY: The first idiot arrived.
25
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,700
Can you open the door?
The handle's broken.
26
00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,433
It's a Lancia Beta.
27
00:01:42,467 --> 00:01:44,833
Coupe, 1981!
28
00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:49,200
The only Lancia of any sort
in the whole of Botswana.
29
00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:51,367
It's done 29,000 miles.
30
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,233
MAY: Hmm, one owner, is it?
31
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:55,933
A little old lady!
32
00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:58,067
And boy, had she ragged it.
33
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,867
MAY:
Yeah, that's normal, isn't it?
34
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,133
That fizzing.
35
00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:02,667
That's, uh...
36
00:02:02,967 --> 00:02:04,333
Yeah...
37
00:02:04,367 --> 00:02:07,100
What's the piece
of cardboard for?
Mopping up moisture?
38
00:02:07,133 --> 00:02:08,800
No, that's because
of the battery...
39
00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:10,867
-Are you sure
it's on the bonnet?
-Sure, it's on the bonnet.
40
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:13,433
Right, you've done well.
41
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,667
So now what?
Do you want a lift?
42
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:20,500
We left the Lancia
to cool down, because
Hammond was arriving.
43
00:02:20,533 --> 00:02:23,500
-What the hell is that?
-I don't know.
44
00:02:23,533 --> 00:02:25,200
Could it be Moskovich?
45
00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:27,067
-Opel?
-It's an Opel.
46
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,533
And on the front
it says "Kadett."
47
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:30,600
Ah!
48
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:33,167
Yeah!
49
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,333
CLARKSON: What the hell
have you done, man?
50
00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:38,833
It's an Opel Kadett from 1963.
51
00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:42,267
-So that's the same
age as you!
-Same age as me.
52
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,500
Yes, but it's much better
nick than you are.
53
00:02:44,533 --> 00:02:48,100
It was £1200,
I had much changed
with which to buy many beads.
54
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:49,833
How much more simple
can you get?
55
00:02:49,867 --> 00:02:51,100
It's got two moving parts
56
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,933
and it's been here
for 44 years.
57
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:55,067
CLARKSON: I love the speedo.
58
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,700
HAMMOND: I do like
a horizontal speedo.
59
00:02:56,733 --> 00:02:58,200
-I really do!
60
00:02:58,233 --> 00:02:59,667
-CLARKSON: Where's the engine?
-It's there.
61
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:00,933
MAY: Hang on, where's it?
62
00:03:00,967 --> 00:03:02,200
It's tiny!
63
00:03:02,233 --> 00:03:03,533
Do you want to
know about the power?
64
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:04,900
Yes, I do.
65
00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:06,200
-Forty.
-Forty?
66
00:03:06,233 --> 00:03:07,467
Forty horsepower.
67
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,167
Yeah, but they did do
a sport version of 48,
68
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,633
but I didn't want
anything too lairy.
69
00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:15,567
MAY: You've both been idiots.
70
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,500
No!
71
00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:19,233
Brilliantly interesting,
brilliantly stylish,
but stupid!
72
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:21,500
-Why's mine stupid?
-Because, well...
73
00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:22,667
Where is yours?
74
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:25,133
A Lancia?
75
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:27,900
You have been a bit thick.
76
00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:32,400
CLARKSON: With the cars
at the start line,
it was time for our challenge.
77
00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:39,067
"The people of Surrey
think they need
four-wheel-drive cars,
78
00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:42,100
"because they live up a lane
which sometimes
has leaves on it."
79
00:03:42,133 --> 00:03:46,467
"You will now tend to prove
them wrong by driving
your two-wheel-drive cars,
80
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:50,067
"from here on
Botswana's eastern
border with Zimbabwe..."
81
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:51,100
Just there.
82
00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:53,833
"One thousand miles
83
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,467
"to its western border
with Namibia."
84
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:59,767
That's right across
the spine of Africa.
85
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,200
I'm confident.
86
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:08,500
CLARKSON: I wasn't.
87
00:04:10,433 --> 00:04:13,867
We hadn't even started,
and the Lancia was playing up.
88
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:25,800
James chose not to wait.
89
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:29,500
CLARKSON: He may be
mechanically confident,
but he has just turned right.
90
00:04:29,533 --> 00:04:31,367
-Which is Zimbabwe.
-Zimbabwe.
91
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,667
Which is where,
I should point out
the BBC is not allowed.
92
00:04:36,967 --> 00:04:39,067
Sorry, sorry, I'm going now.
93
00:04:41,633 --> 00:04:45,667
The Lancia wheezed into life
and Hammond and I,
set off in pursuit.
94
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,267
HAMMOND:
If you think of the cars
that this inspired,
95
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,267
it was latterly
built in Russia,
96
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,167
where it became the Moskovich,
which was rubbish.
97
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,900
And, of course, indirectly,
the Vauxhall Astra.
98
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:11,200
Quite a lot of reasonably
average cars
99
00:05:11,233 --> 00:05:12,667
owe themselves to this.
100
00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:18,400
I don't know if you know,
but Africa is quite large,
101
00:05:18,433 --> 00:05:20,667
and when you're out
in a remote part,
102
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,067
you need a car like this,
103
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:25,067
that can be mended
with a brick
and a piece of string.
104
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:27,400
CLARKSON:
What you have to remember is
three of the most rugged
105
00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:31,700
and successful rally cars
ever made were Lancias,
106
00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:36,067
the Stratos, the 037
and the Delta Integrale.
107
00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:40,400
Lancia know
how to make a rally car.
108
00:05:40,433 --> 00:05:43,467
CLARKSON:
Unfortunately, on the day
my Beta Coupe was made,
109
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,533
they obviously
forgot everything.
110
00:05:46,567 --> 00:05:49,133
The gear box is broken,
the steering is broken,
111
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,667
the window's broken.
112
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,867
In fact, we all had problems.
113
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:58,500
Everything works
except this knob,
which controls the blower.
114
00:05:58,533 --> 00:06:03,100
I've cut all the windows out
because there's quite
a strong smell of petrol.
115
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:06,233
And that mirror
which is actually
slightly stuck.
116
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:09,533
Hazard warning lights,
the clock, the fan,
the handbrake,
117
00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:10,800
all of the dials.
118
00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:13,433
The brakes are terrible
cos they only work
on that wheel.
119
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:17,133
They work very well
on that wheel,
but only on that wheel.
120
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:19,067
And that instrument
is a bit wobbly,
121
00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:23,367
but apart from that everything
that's actually important
to the car works perfectly,
122
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:27,100
apart from the handbrake
which I can pull like this
as we go along.
123
00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:33,067
HAMMOND: This is just
the happiest car in the world.
124
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:36,233
I should call it Oliver,
not that we'd ever
name a car on Top Gear.
125
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:38,400
I wish I hadn't said that.
126
00:06:38,433 --> 00:06:41,167
CLARKSON: It's now 10:05
in the morning
127
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,933
and it's starting
to get quite hot.
128
00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:45,667
I've got an idea.
129
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,467
Oh, yeah, that's better.
130
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,567
Don't know what that is.
131
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,133
A horn!
132
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:03,967
Oh, Oliver!
You've got a cold, listen.
133
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,733
HAMMOND: We were having fun,
134
00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:12,200
but then we discovered
we were travelling
with Bill Oddie.
135
00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:15,233
-Why have you got a pen?
-CLARKSON: You tick them off
when you've seen them.
136
00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:17,333
Hornbill,
Southern Yellow-billed.
137
00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:20,167
I'm gonna look at your car.
It's massive!
138
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,567
Don't knock, Oliver.
Don't knock my car.
139
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,100
That's a fine,
he's a fine...
140
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,500
MAY: What did you
call it then?
141
00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:27,067
HAMMOND:
Oliver's a friend of mine
142
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,333
and I thought you were
talking about him.
143
00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:30,400
-He's given it a name.
-He's given his car a name.
144
00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:38,467
CLARKSON: So far the journey
had been a doddle.
145
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:43,500
But then the tarmac
just sort of stopped.
146
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:50,667
Oh, this is bad.
147
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:53,267
MAY: I can see from here
just how hard the suspension
148
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,200
on Jeremy's Lancia
is having to work.
149
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:56,500
It's just a blur.
150
00:07:59,233 --> 00:08:01,300
Come on, Oliver. Please!
151
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:04,800
The later you book a lift
in the Mercedes
the more expensive it gets.
152
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:06,067
It's a bit like an airline.
153
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,800
Oh, God! Oh!
154
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:10,300
I've broken it.
155
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,433
Engine isn't working.
It's cut out.
156
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:13,467
Oh, dear.
157
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,867
He's done literally
one kilometre of this.
158
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,300
-I know what's wrong with it.
-The bonnet won't open.
159
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:19,567
It's the bonnet catch, it's...
160
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,067
Shut up!
161
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,900
CLARKSON:
Hammond was tetchy because
he knew the price of failure.
162
00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:29,267
Anyone who's car broke down
would have to complete
the journey in a Beetle.
163
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:36,400
CLARKSON: It is collectively
our least favourite car
in the world.
164
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,300
-Ooh, yes.
-It is the punishment.
165
00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:39,433
Please!
166
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:41,767
Oh! Hang on! Hang on!
167
00:08:42,733 --> 00:08:43,767
Ooh!
168
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,067
Well done, Oliver!
169
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,267
What did you say?
170
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:51,067
I said,
"Let's... La, la, I love ya!"
171
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:53,133
-Oh, my God.
-HAMMOND: What now?
172
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:56,233
My car's on fire
but in a very specific place.
173
00:08:56,267 --> 00:08:58,900
-MAY: Wow! Look at that.
-It was a magnifying glass?
174
00:08:58,933 --> 00:09:00,633
There's a laser beam
coming through it.
175
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:01,600
Like you dropped acid on it.
176
00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:03,900
MAY: Oh, his piece
of cardboard's gone.
177
00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,633
HAMMOND:
So it sets itself on fire.
178
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:07,733
MAY: If you don't have
a piece of cardboard.
179
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:14,267
CLARKSON: We drove
deeper and deeper
into the bush.
180
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,567
-Lancia! Yeah!
181
00:09:21,067 --> 00:09:22,267
What is that?
182
00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,300
Looks like the sea.
183
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:31,200
Eventually the road
disappeared altogether.
184
00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:38,533
People of Surrey,
I hope you're watching this.
185
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,733
We are...
186
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:44,367
Driving a Lancia Beta Coupe
187
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,067
while just in the middle of...
188
00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,633
Whatever you call this.
189
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:57,533
CLARKSON: The good news was
we'd successfully reached
our campsite for the night.
190
00:09:57,567 --> 00:10:01,300
The bad news came in the shape
of another challenge.
191
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:04,167
"Stretching before you
is the Makgadikgadi.
192
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:09,333
"These are the biggest
salt flats in the world,
193
00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:13,700
"almost completely lifeless
and as wide as Portugal.
194
00:10:13,733 --> 00:10:16,600
"No car has ever driven
across them.
195
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:19,133
"If you run out of water
you will die,
196
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:23,100
"if your car breaks down
and you can't be rescued
you will die,
197
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:25,833
"if you run out of food
you will die.
198
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,933
"It's like driving
on a creme brulee.
199
00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:31,833
"There's a primeval ooze
covered with a thin layer
of salty crust.
200
00:10:31,867 --> 00:10:35,133
"If you have thin tyres
you will break through
that crust,
201
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:37,567
"get stuck and you will die.
202
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,667
"So it advises
to fit fat tyres,
203
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:43,333
"and remove as much
weight as possible
before setting off."
204
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:45,867
Well, how hard can it be?
205
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,200
Don't say that!
206
00:10:48,633 --> 00:10:51,433
CLARKSON: In camp,
the weight-shedding began.
207
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,233
-CLARKSON: Ready?
208
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,600
That doesn't work.
209
00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:02,367
Thanks awfully.
210
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,067
Wow, feel how much
this seat weighs.
211
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:07,100
Like your work.
212
00:11:15,733 --> 00:11:17,133
Argh!
213
00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:20,767
Fuel filler,
I'll need that, maybe.
214
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:25,533
I don't want to take
the hub caps off really
cause they protect the hubs.
215
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:29,533
-Can I point something out?
-What?
216
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:33,800
Hammond's walking round
his car, muttering about
how he needs all of it.
217
00:11:33,833 --> 00:11:35,367
I know exactly
what he's doing.
218
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,500
He's formed
an emotional attachment,
hasn't he?
219
00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:40,633
It'd be like saying to him,
"Could you cut
bits off your wife?"
220
00:11:46,533 --> 00:11:49,200
HAMMOND: The next morning,
on the edge of the salt pans,
221
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:51,833
we thought we'd come
under attack from
a Bond villain.
222
00:11:51,867 --> 00:11:55,333
But it turned out to be
the vice president
of Botswana.
223
00:11:57,933 --> 00:12:00,633
HAMMOND:
That is a cool ride.
CLARKSON: Yeah, it is.
224
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:05,067
Better than an official
Rover 75 and a couple
of policemen on motorbikes.
225
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:07,867
He was amazed to hear
what was being planned.
226
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:12,333
I've just never known anybody
to go across in a car.
227
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:14,900
This'll be the first time,
I think.
228
00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:16,133
There they are.
229
00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:18,067
Oh, really?
230
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,933
-Oh, really?
-Yes.
231
00:12:19,967 --> 00:12:21,433
That should be interesting.
232
00:12:21,467 --> 00:12:23,333
You were smiling.
You've just stopped.
233
00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:28,767
Buoyed by the vice president's
optimism, we set off.
234
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:39,267
Nothing really prepares you
for the sheer size of these.
235
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:47,300
MAY: I think, in a way,
that it's more frightening
than the Pole.
236
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,300
There's absolutely nothing.
You can see the curvature
of the Earth.
237
00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:56,667
As we ploughed on,
the little Opel
was going well.
238
00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:59,067
Oliver is just skipping. Boo!
239
00:12:59,733 --> 00:13:02,400
This car was born to do this!
240
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,400
CLARKSON: Sadly though,
despite the weight-shedding,
241
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:07,833
my Lancia was not doing
so well.
242
00:13:07,867 --> 00:13:12,467
CLARKSON: Judging by the way
the tyres are kind of digging
in as I'm driving along,
243
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,900
I think a little bit more
has to come out.
244
00:13:14,933 --> 00:13:17,200
Still, as you can see
from the tyres' grooves,
245
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:19,533
I was doing better
than the Merc.
246
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,333
I'm looking at James'
rear wheel
247
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:25,633
and he is digging in
a long way.
248
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:27,233
I tried to help him along.
249
00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:31,467
Really helpful.
250
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,867
Well, there's always
the Beetle, James.
251
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,233
It's waiting for you.
252
00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:40,200
HAMMOND:
What are you gonna do?
It's sinking.
253
00:13:40,233 --> 00:13:42,367
We've done... How far is that?
A mile?
254
00:13:44,067 --> 00:13:46,467
CLARKSON: My Lancia
waded in again.
255
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,967
HAMMOND: Just a nudge.
That's a crash.
256
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,533
MAY: There's a thing.
257
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:54,133
Unfortunately, because it was
an automatic, it was useless.
258
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,600
So, we told Richard to try.
259
00:13:56,633 --> 00:13:59,300
But he didn't want
to hurt Oliver.
260
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:00,533
HAMMOND: Argh!
261
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:07,800
This was hopeless, so we had
to rope in the camera crew.
262
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:09,900
ALL: Three, two, one!
263
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,533
Because the ooze was so bad,
264
00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:17,167
we had to get even
more drastic with
the weight-shedding.
265
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:21,500
We toiled away for hours.
266
00:14:22,533 --> 00:14:24,100
Da-da! Oh God!
267
00:14:24,867 --> 00:14:26,800
Well, two of us did.
268
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,500
And then, finally,
we were ready.
269
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:33,933
CLARKSON: Now, this is light.
270
00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:36,633
Lancia Beta Coupe
Superleggera!
271
00:14:42,733 --> 00:14:45,067
Another modification!
272
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:47,433
This is excellent.
273
00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,333
Why don't all cars
have no doors?
274
00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:55,533
When I come to power,
I'm gonna make it a rule,
cos this is just better.
275
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:04,967
CLARKSON: However,
the Makgadikgadi was not going
to let us off that lightly
276
00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:09,800
and soon even
our super-lightweight cars
started to struggle again.
277
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:14,733
MAY: Come on, just.
278
00:15:15,233 --> 00:15:16,600
Oh!
279
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:17,700
Oh, yes.
280
00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:20,567
No, this isn't good.
281
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,667
Oh, no.
282
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:28,333
HAMMOND: Only the Opel
remained trouble-free,
283
00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,600
which was bad news for me.
284
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:34,333
CLARKSON: Yes! Come on, man!
285
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:38,167
I'll go forward, Hammond,
then we'll do it again.
Hang on.
286
00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:40,300
How far is it?
287
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:42,800
Oh, yeah,
another five or six yards
and we might be Bobby.
288
00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:44,600
Oh, this is just horrible!
289
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,333
Keep going, keep going,
keep going!
290
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,533
Yes! Yes!
291
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,500
CLARKSON: No!
292
00:15:55,533 --> 00:15:57,900
James, don't go there.
You'll get stuck.
293
00:15:57,933 --> 00:15:59,167
That's close.
294
00:16:01,933 --> 00:16:03,233
Come on!
295
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,200
MAY: Oh,
permission to say cock.
296
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,967
Can we have everybody?
We'll push it off.
297
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,067
HAMMOND:
We need 100 men or more.
298
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:11,233
CLARKSON: No.
299
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,700
MAY: This is hopeless.
300
00:16:15,733 --> 00:16:20,800
People of Surrey,
you need four-wheel drive
for this bit.
301
00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:25,633
The gunk was so sticky
it had completely jammed
the Lancia's rear wheels.
302
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,100
I can't describe...
303
00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:30,900
You just think
it's just mud...
304
00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:32,333
Do you know what it is?
305
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,333
CLARKSON: Fish!
306
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:37,100
It's just rotted,
prehistoric fish.
307
00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:38,567
One, two, three.
308
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:46,367
Mercifully the ground
eventually hardened
and we made good progress.
309
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,700
But then suddenly the horizon
was no longer flat.
310
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,067
This is interesting.
311
00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:58,533
We're now coming between
what look like islands.
312
00:16:58,567 --> 00:16:59,800
And I suppose they are.
313
00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:02,167
This was a lake,
so they would
have been islands.
314
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,600
Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
315
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,867
HAMMOND: Where are we?
316
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:20,667
CLARKSON:
It's called Kubu Island.
317
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,367
We're about...
318
00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:27,400
A third of the way across.
319
00:17:27,433 --> 00:17:29,900
And you've been stuck
about a thousand times.
320
00:17:29,933 --> 00:17:31,733
CLARKSON: That is smug.
321
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,200
A Baobab tree.
322
00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:35,300
I've always wanted to see
one of those.
323
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,800
-Hammond, look at this.
-Whoa!
324
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:50,167
It is just about the most
astonishing place,
I've ever been.
325
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,067
HAMMOND: I'm with you there.
326
00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:03,067
CLARKSON: As the sun set,
we headed for the campsite.
327
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,833
Day two on the salt pans
328
00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:27,400
and we'd been told
that today our problem
would not be mud but dust.
329
00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:31,367
That meant James and I
had to rethink
our wardrobe solutions.
330
00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:39,733
I've teamed up
with a bin liner,
331
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:41,733
V-necked!
332
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:45,400
The last time
I wore one of these,
I went to The Clash.
333
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,167
Frankly, I thought it was
all a bit much.
334
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,667
I mean, how bad could
this dust be?
335
00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:53,200
CLARKSON: Ahhh! My eyes!
336
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,533
MAY: Crikey,
I can't even see
Jezzer, already.
337
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,067
Oh, no, no, no, no!
338
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,567
HAMMOND: Meanwhile,
in my unmodified Kadett...
339
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,800
I'm gonna adjust
my quarter light a bit.
340
00:19:09,833 --> 00:19:12,067
Just an inch. That's better.
341
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,100
Oh!
342
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:20,067
HAMMOND:
I can feel the hate now.
343
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,400
It's nice.
344
00:19:22,233 --> 00:19:24,467
Me khaki's come off.
345
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,267
MAY: Hello?
346
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,167
CLARKSON: James and I
made it through the dust
347
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,067
with our lives
considerably shortened.
348
00:19:34,833 --> 00:19:37,067
I've got consumption and TB.
349
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,600
I've got every single
1920s disease.
350
00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:44,533
And then Lord Smug piped up.
351
00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:47,067
I had to close this,
at one point, back that much,
352
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:50,333
and then it pulls the air out
and you get fresh air through,
it's nice.
353
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,600
You know what it's like
when someone punches you
really hard in the face?
354
00:19:54,633 --> 00:19:56,567
I do, actually.
355
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,133
CLARKSON: Then the surface
got even worse.
356
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,533
Argh!
357
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:07,433
It was like we were
descending through
the seven circles of hell.
358
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:10,100
Oh, no!
359
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,333
I'd assumed it'd be the salts
360
00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:24,300
that would kill
the notoriously
rust-prone Lancia,
361
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:26,133
but it was the rough going.
362
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:30,467
Even though it had
now smoothed out again,
the Beta was in a bad way.
363
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:33,267
-CLARKSON ON RADIO:
I've gone. I've gone.
-Are you conking out?
364
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,367
I've got no power, no drive.
365
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,567
HAMMOND: Do you remember
what the man said, Jeremy?
366
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,833
"Break down and you will..."
What is it? Have a nice time?
367
00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:41,033
No, die.
368
00:20:48,467 --> 00:20:51,533
Well, that's loose,
that's hot.
369
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,433
It is a good job they canted
this engine over by 20 degrees
because that means
370
00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:00,833
it's more inaccessible than
it would otherwise have...
371
00:21:00,867 --> 00:21:02,833
Oh, my God, look at this.
372
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:06,367
For God's sake.
373
00:21:13,233 --> 00:21:15,933
I gotta say, it has been nice,
the peace,
374
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:18,067
you know,
not having him around.
375
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,700
I've checked the alternator,
the spark plugs,
376
00:21:22,733 --> 00:21:26,200
the HT leads
and the distributor cap.
377
00:21:26,233 --> 00:21:27,967
Poked around with
the starter solenoid.
378
00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:31,400
There's been faults
with all of them,
but it still isn't going.
379
00:21:31,433 --> 00:21:33,367
I'm not sure which
I favour most here,
380
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,800
certain death or that Beetle.
381
00:21:47,867 --> 00:21:49,433
Argh, come off!
382
00:21:51,767 --> 00:21:53,133
Oh, for God's sake.
383
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,200
I honestly believe
it's had it.
384
00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:04,300
Is my car on the crab?
385
00:22:04,333 --> 00:22:07,133
No, it's tracking true, mate.
386
00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:10,067
He's worried about tracking
and look at it.
387
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:13,667
HAMMOND: We knew that Jeremy
would eventually catch us up,
388
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:15,767
but what would he be driving?
389
00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:20,100
I can see something
in the mirrors.
390
00:22:22,067 --> 00:22:23,933
Please let it be a Beetle.
391
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:25,500
I do hope it's a Beetle.
392
00:22:26,467 --> 00:22:28,333
HAMMOND:
Please let it be a Beetle!
393
00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:30,400
MAY:
Please let it be a Beetle.
394
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:36,767
I'm back!
395
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,767
Oh, Jeremy, well done.
I'm disa...
Sorry, delighted.
396
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,533
HAMMOND:
You're not in a Beetle!
397
00:22:41,567 --> 00:22:42,633
CLARKSON: Not a Beetle!
398
00:22:42,667 --> 00:22:45,833
A fully-functioning
Lancia Beta Coupe!
399
00:22:45,867 --> 00:22:50,400
HAMMOND: I just wanted
the Beetle to pounce on you
when you were straying behind.
400
00:22:50,433 --> 00:22:52,067
I'm gutted.
401
00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:53,800
Shall we just sandwich him,
James?
402
00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:55,133
No!
403
00:23:08,467 --> 00:23:12,067
HAMMOND: With our convoy
back up to strength,
we pressed on.
404
00:23:12,067 --> 00:23:14,633
Apart from Jeremy being
Bill Oddie occasionally.
405
00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:16,833
CLARKSON: This is where
flamingos breed out here.
406
00:23:16,867 --> 00:23:19,133
HAMMOND:
So that's breeding, is it?
407
00:23:19,167 --> 00:23:20,267
MAY: It's a fossil.
408
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,767
It's not, it only died
about two years ago.
409
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,133
MAY: I was talking about you.
HAMMOND: It's an ex-flamingo.
410
00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:27,600
-Hey, look!
-HAMMOND: What now?
411
00:23:27,633 --> 00:23:30,067
I know what created this.
412
00:23:30,067 --> 00:23:31,633
-Ostrich.
-Yes!
413
00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:33,367
CLARKSON:
Its legs are miles apart.
414
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,533
HAMMOND: That's exactly
how it was walking.
415
00:23:35,567 --> 00:23:39,067
You know David Attenborough's
about to retire?
416
00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:40,833
-Can I just say...
-What?
417
00:23:40,867 --> 00:23:42,600
You look like a gay cowboy,
418
00:23:42,633 --> 00:23:44,433
and you look like
a gay terrorist.
419
00:23:44,467 --> 00:23:47,067
CLARKSON: No,
you look like a terrorist with
a broken windscreen wiper
420
00:23:47,067 --> 00:23:48,733
and your face is ridiculous.
421
00:23:48,767 --> 00:23:51,367
CLARKSON: Then Hammond
started to pick on my car.
422
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,900
-Why haven't you
turned it off?
-It's gathering electricity.
423
00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:56,767
So, if you turn it off
the battery's not going
to start it again.
424
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,100
Turn it off and start it then.
425
00:23:58,133 --> 00:24:00,967
-Yeah, go on.
-Turn it off and start it.
426
00:24:01,067 --> 00:24:03,333
Let's have some
beautiful silence.
427
00:24:03,367 --> 00:24:04,833
-Are you ready?
-Yes.
428
00:24:04,867 --> 00:24:06,400
-Are you ready?
-Yes.
429
00:24:09,367 --> 00:24:10,633
Behold.
430
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,533
-Why did you turn it off?
-Because he said it would...
431
00:24:17,567 --> 00:24:19,400
HAMMOND: Good luck.
Somebody will give
you a jump start.
432
00:24:19,433 --> 00:24:21,767
-It'll be fi... Don't go away.
-Goodbye!
433
00:24:24,967 --> 00:24:28,667
MAY: Annoyingly, Clarkson
got the Lancia going again,
434
00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:31,600
and then we came across
some big birds.
435
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:40,800
Wow!
436
00:24:42,267 --> 00:24:45,333
And then we saw
even more wildlife.
437
00:24:45,367 --> 00:24:46,400
There's a cow.
438
00:24:47,900 --> 00:24:49,200
Two cows, three cows.
439
00:24:49,967 --> 00:24:51,167
Yes!
440
00:24:51,767 --> 00:24:53,133
We've done it!
441
00:24:53,167 --> 00:24:55,567
CLARKSON: We had crossed
the Makgadikgadi.
442
00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:57,633
Trees!
443
00:24:57,933 --> 00:24:59,367
Life!
444
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,200
HAMMOND: Mate,
did you ever think
that you'd do that?
445
00:25:02,233 --> 00:25:05,333
I'm genuinely proud of him.
I am!
446
00:25:05,367 --> 00:25:07,700
Really, I'm startled
that this,
447
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,267
it isn't a car any more.
448
00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:12,067
Whatever it is, has done it,
449
00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:16,500
with its low-profile tyres
and its low suspension
that's broken.
450
00:25:16,533 --> 00:25:18,800
Personally, I'm absolutely
delighted because I think
451
00:25:18,833 --> 00:25:22,200
the Makgadikgadi is one
of the most unpleasant places
I've ever been.
452
00:25:22,233 --> 00:25:25,133
It's just a big bowl of dust.
Hello, mate.
453
00:25:27,833 --> 00:25:30,933
CLARKSON: Widow Twankey
may have been glad to see
the back of the salt pans,
454
00:25:30,967 --> 00:25:35,233
but despite this they gave us
a startling parting gift.
455
00:25:39,067 --> 00:25:40,800
MAY: That is amazing.
456
00:25:40,833 --> 00:25:42,233
HAMMOND: That's the moon?
457
00:25:42,267 --> 00:25:43,600
CLARKSON:
Yeah, that's the moon.
458
00:25:43,633 --> 00:25:47,067
Because of the dust
from the pans, you get...
459
00:25:47,067 --> 00:25:49,467
HAMMOND: A moonrise.
MAY: And in orange.
460
00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:51,367
I've got goose bumps.
461
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,400
I know a Philip Larkin poem
about the moon.
462
00:25:54,433 --> 00:25:56,600
-Would you like to hear it?
-HAMMOND: No.
463
00:26:00,667 --> 00:26:05,233
CLARKSON: As a new day dawned,
our cars looked like wrecks.
464
00:26:05,267 --> 00:26:08,067
But their ordeal
was far from over.
465
00:26:10,133 --> 00:26:12,300
Yes, we had crossed
the salt pans
466
00:26:12,333 --> 00:26:15,767
but we were still only
a third of the way
across Botswana
467
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,267
and now we were about
to enter the Kalahari.
468
00:26:27,533 --> 00:26:28,667
The Kalahari.
469
00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:31,967
Everyone who comes
to the Kalahari
470
00:26:32,067 --> 00:26:33,967
takes away
a different memory of it.
471
00:26:34,067 --> 00:26:36,467
The savagery, the simplicity,
472
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:37,867
the vast heat.
473
00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,700
Me? I think, bumpiness.
474
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,767
It was as rough as hell
475
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,933
so we were glad
when news came through
that we were to stop
476
00:26:45,967 --> 00:26:47,267
at the next village.
477
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:02,600
Obviously they recognise
a truly classy car.
478
00:27:06,267 --> 00:27:09,733
What could they possibly
have in mind for us here?
479
00:27:14,733 --> 00:27:16,767
CLARKSON:
It was another challenge.
480
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,700
-Eh, hello?
-Here it is.
481
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,067
"Your cars have travelled far
and suffered much..."
482
00:27:23,067 --> 00:27:24,667
HAMMOND: Yes, they have.
483
00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:27,567
"So we will now discover
how much performance
they've lost
484
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:32,067
"in a competition
against the clock
on a rally-special stage."
485
00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:33,500
My car never lost
any performance.
486
00:27:33,533 --> 00:27:35,167
-It never had any.
-That's true.
487
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,467
Well, I'm not going to ruin
my Mercedes
just for a few points.
488
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:41,500
You're right. You're not,
because you're not driving it.
489
00:27:41,533 --> 00:27:42,767
Well, who is?
490
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:47,167
Some say he's seen
The Lion King 1,780 times
491
00:27:48,733 --> 00:27:53,133
and that his second-best
friend is a Cape buffalo.
492
00:27:53,167 --> 00:27:56,100
All we know
is he's not The Stig
493
00:27:56,133 --> 00:27:59,100
but he is The Stig's
African cousin!
494
00:28:03,567 --> 00:28:04,667
Wow!
495
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:13,733
CLARKSON: He's protected
the important bits.
496
00:28:15,933 --> 00:28:20,233
HAMMOND: Keen to get going,
the three of us
fired up our engines.
497
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,833
And we drove
to African Stig's rally stage
498
00:28:24,867 --> 00:28:28,633
which was in a dried up
river bed a few miles away
499
00:28:28,667 --> 00:28:30,533
with packed
spectator's stands.
500
00:28:31,833 --> 00:28:33,067
Oliver went first.
501
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:35,600
-Three, two, one!
502
00:28:36,067 --> 00:28:37,867
-Go!
-Start!
503
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:39,400
CLARKSON: Three miles an hour.
504
00:28:39,433 --> 00:28:41,433
HAMMOND: Do you know,
when it was new it had 40 hp?
505
00:28:41,467 --> 00:28:44,267
Yeah. If it's lost one a year,
it's at minus four by now.
506
00:28:44,300 --> 00:28:45,633
Minus four by now. Yeah.
507
00:28:45,667 --> 00:28:48,667
CLARKSON: He's going round
the first corner. Hold on.
508
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,667
That was a power slide.
509
00:28:53,067 --> 00:28:54,633
Look at that! It does look...
510
00:28:54,667 --> 00:28:58,933
CLARKSON:
Ridiculous is the word
you're looking for.
511
00:28:58,967 --> 00:29:02,167
CLARKSON: As the Kadett
struggled to get up the hill,
the spectators left.
512
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:05,667
HAMMOND: Come on,
joggle it, The Stig's cousin.
513
00:29:06,667 --> 00:29:07,933
He's enjoying that.
514
00:29:07,967 --> 00:29:10,733
And one minute, 12 seconds.
515
00:29:10,767 --> 00:29:14,133
That's a good benchmark
for you to try and beat.
516
00:29:14,167 --> 00:29:16,500
MAY: Next up
was the Panzer tank.
517
00:29:16,533 --> 00:29:19,533
-Most powerful,
longest, best tyres.
-HAMMOND: Heaviest. Slowest.
518
00:29:19,567 --> 00:29:20,633
What? Longest?
519
00:29:20,667 --> 00:29:22,567
Longest is good for rallying,
is it?
520
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:23,733
It is on this, yeah.
521
00:29:23,767 --> 00:29:25,400
So why on loose-surface
rallies,
522
00:29:25,433 --> 00:29:27,467
don't they turn up
with Intercity trains?
523
00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:29,100
-Go!
-Yeah.
524
00:29:30,733 --> 00:29:32,233
CLARKSON: That's the most
ridiculous spectacle
525
00:29:32,267 --> 00:29:33,667
I've ever seen
in my entire life.
526
00:29:33,700 --> 00:29:37,267
A Mercedes with no bonnet,
no front wings, no doors!
527
00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:40,933
MAY: In the hands
of African Stig though,
it was flying!
528
00:29:40,967 --> 00:29:45,367
MAY: That is the latest
in a long line of pedigree
Mercedes-Benz sports cars.
529
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,200
CLARKSON: There's never been
a Mercedes rally car.
530
00:29:49,233 --> 00:29:53,467
HAMMOND: Ah, yours is flying
up the hill, mate.
Look at it go!
531
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,800
You wait till you see,
the Lancia will dance
through there.
532
00:29:57,533 --> 00:30:01,600
MAY: Oh, yes. Lovely.
HAMMOND: Oh!
It's out of control, man!
533
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,633
CLARKSON: That's a big slide!
534
00:30:08,067 --> 00:30:10,733
-One minute, six.
-I'll just do my ancient...
535
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:12,900
HAMMOND: I hate you gloating.
CLARKSON: Let him do it.
536
00:30:12,933 --> 00:30:15,167
It's like winning
a semi final.
537
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,267
CLARKSON:
Time now to put James
in his place
538
00:30:17,300 --> 00:30:20,000
because the Lancia
was on home turf
539
00:30:20,033 --> 00:30:22,067
with its rally pedigree.
540
00:30:22,100 --> 00:30:24,933
Stratos 037... What?
541
00:30:28,333 --> 00:30:30,467
HAMMOND: That's not dust,
it's on fire!
542
00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:32,500
Shut it down.
Can you turn it off?
543
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:39,200
-HAMMOND: Look at it all!
544
00:30:39,233 --> 00:30:42,300
MAY: Stopwatch still running.
45 seconds.
545
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,600
-We'll replace the seal.
-Yeah.
546
00:30:45,633 --> 00:30:49,300
And then,
when it's cooled down a bit,
he'll be able to do the lap.
547
00:30:49,333 --> 00:30:51,100
You'll have difficulty,
though. He's off.
548
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,800
And maybe he's started.
Maybe... Start the stopwatch.
549
00:30:55,833 --> 00:30:59,033
I think he was in a hurry
so he decided
not to take your car.
550
00:30:59,067 --> 00:31:00,467
-Hey, Jeremy.
-What?
551
00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:02,333
You're right, though.
Your engine. It's canted.
552
00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:07,933
MAY: The next day
in the centre of Maun,
we got our next challenge.
553
00:31:07,967 --> 00:31:09,200
-Ah.
-This is it.
554
00:31:09,233 --> 00:31:10,833
The glittering
golden envelope.
555
00:31:10,867 --> 00:31:13,167
"You will drive your cars
to Namibia
556
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,333
"through the Okavango Delta."
557
00:31:15,367 --> 00:31:18,233
That's... That's the really
big wildlife place.
558
00:31:18,267 --> 00:31:20,667
"In the Okavango,
you will encounter
many deadly animals,
559
00:31:20,700 --> 00:31:24,100
"including lions, leopards,
cheetahs, hyenas,
560
00:31:24,133 --> 00:31:28,067
"wild dogs, hippos,
black rhino and crocodile.
561
00:31:28,067 --> 00:31:31,533
"Bird, snakes,
shield-nose snakes,
puff adders,
562
00:31:31,567 --> 00:31:34,700
"boomslang, cape cobras,
banded cobras,
563
00:31:34,733 --> 00:31:38,333
"black mambas, black widows
and thick-tailed scorpions."
564
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:40,767
What about the honey badger?
565
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,333
-The what?
-Honey badger.
566
00:31:42,367 --> 00:31:44,467
That's the least scary
sounding animal in the world.
567
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:46,600
A honey badger does not
kill you to eat you,
568
00:31:46,633 --> 00:31:48,867
it tears off your testicles.
569
00:31:48,900 --> 00:31:50,067
It does not!
570
00:31:50,067 --> 00:31:51,567
MAY: Why's it called
a honey badger?
571
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,333
Maybe because that's what's
made it angry.
572
00:31:53,367 --> 00:31:55,467
HAMMOND: Why isn't it called
the badger of death?
573
00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:57,233
MAY: In order
to protect ourselves
574
00:31:57,267 --> 00:31:59,167
from the lions
and the honey badgers,
575
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,467
Jeremy and I would have
to rebuild our cars.
576
00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:05,533
But because we'd left
all the bits on the other side
of the salt pans,
577
00:32:05,567 --> 00:32:08,467
we had to use
whatever we could find.
578
00:32:08,500 --> 00:32:09,967
Could a lion eat this?
579
00:32:11,333 --> 00:32:15,067
Who do I see about the, erm,
corrugated metal?
580
00:32:15,067 --> 00:32:17,767
-Suppose I better practise,
at least, my lion drill.
581
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,800
Oh, no! There's a lion coming!
Ah! What shall I...
582
00:32:20,833 --> 00:32:23,167
That. Oliver will protect me.
583
00:32:28,867 --> 00:32:31,733
CLARKSON: Because Mercedes
were very popular in Africa,
584
00:32:31,767 --> 00:32:36,400
James soon found a spare door
and boot lid for his car.
585
00:32:40,333 --> 00:32:42,567
And while
he was looking for more bits,
586
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,200
-I hatched a plan.
587
00:32:45,233 --> 00:32:47,400
Look what I've got.
588
00:32:47,433 --> 00:32:50,300
HAMMOND: That's a cow's head.
CLARKSON: Yeah.
589
00:32:50,333 --> 00:32:51,833
CLARKSON: Now,
this will attract flies
590
00:32:51,867 --> 00:32:54,167
-which will make
his life unpleasant.
-Yes. Yes.
591
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,933
It will also attract
lions, tigers.
592
00:32:56,967 --> 00:33:01,067
-He effectively becomes
a burger van driving through.
593
00:33:01,100 --> 00:33:03,267
HAMMOND: And to make sure
the lions didn't miss...
594
00:33:03,300 --> 00:33:06,100
-HAMMOND: Oh, yeah!
That's a whopper!
-That's a good piece.
595
00:33:09,233 --> 00:33:11,067
Oh, yeah, under the seat.
596
00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:14,767
-And the smell...
-Ooh! The smell will really...
That will be beautiful.
597
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:18,200
We also attached a cowbell
to the underside of his car.
598
00:33:18,233 --> 00:33:22,133
But while we were doing this,
he was making merry
with the paint.
599
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:30,700
That afternoon, we left Maun
and headed north
to the Okavango Delta.
600
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:36,467
CLARKSON: Right.
My car now has been readied.
601
00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:38,100
As you can see,
I have a wooden door here.
602
00:33:38,133 --> 00:33:41,767
It's a gull-wing,
so I can get in and out,
obviously.
603
00:33:43,567 --> 00:33:46,067
God, this is like being
in an allotment shed.
604
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,367
On a very windy day.
605
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,500
On the left,
I have all the cans
606
00:33:51,533 --> 00:33:53,233
that were in the car
for the last few days,
607
00:33:53,267 --> 00:33:54,833
they've been arranged.
608
00:33:54,867 --> 00:33:56,667
And the piece de resistance.
609
00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:58,133
Badgers go away.
610
00:34:05,667 --> 00:34:06,900
I am the road warrior.
611
00:34:08,933 --> 00:34:10,167
Mad Jeremy.
612
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,067
It's a police car.
613
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,900
Can anybody else
smell burning,
or is it my car?
614
00:34:24,933 --> 00:34:26,833
Is it like a barbecue smell?
615
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,400
MAY: As we went
through the gates
616
00:34:30,433 --> 00:34:33,100
and into the game reserve,
the road changed again.
617
00:34:33,633 --> 00:34:35,067
For the worse.
618
00:34:35,767 --> 00:34:37,200
This is new. Very soft sand.
619
00:34:39,933 --> 00:34:41,467
MAY: To stop our cars
bogging down,
620
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:44,567
we had to drive
as fast as possible.
621
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,400
We had ourselves
another rally stage.
622
00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:55,067
MAY: Amazingly, even Jeremy
had his work cut out
623
00:34:55,100 --> 00:34:57,300
keeping up with the Opel.
624
00:34:59,067 --> 00:35:00,767
Hammond's car
just looks so composed.
625
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:06,067
I'm developing
this irrational hatred
of him and it.
626
00:35:06,067 --> 00:35:09,067
This is such a good game!
627
00:35:09,100 --> 00:35:10,633
CLARKSON: Eventually
he was slowed down
628
00:35:10,667 --> 00:35:13,467
by a bridge
over the river Khwai.
629
00:35:17,833 --> 00:35:21,500
CLARKSON: The rally stage
had taken its toll
on one of the cars,
630
00:35:21,533 --> 00:35:22,767
take a guess which one.
631
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,067
CLARKSON: I'm in a car
which as you can
probably hear,
632
00:35:25,100 --> 00:35:27,333
has got a throttle
that's jammed wide open
633
00:35:27,367 --> 00:35:29,067
and I can't hold it
on the brakes.
634
00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:30,300
Hammond, move!
635
00:35:30,333 --> 00:35:32,633
You're gonna have to go faster
or I'll hit you.
636
00:35:32,667 --> 00:35:34,067
-What?
637
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:35,967
Oh, God!
638
00:35:36,067 --> 00:35:38,600
Thanks! Well, help yourself
to my brakes, why not?
639
00:35:38,633 --> 00:35:40,667
-I've lost a skull.
-Monkeys.
640
00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:42,567
-CLARKSON:
I'm sorry, I can't...
641
00:35:44,467 --> 00:35:45,800
CLARKSON: Whoa!
642
00:35:47,733 --> 00:35:49,200
Just hear the throttle.
That's tick-over.
643
00:35:49,233 --> 00:35:50,667
Look, my leg's not on it.
644
00:35:53,467 --> 00:35:55,300
CLARKSON:
Having bodged my throttle,
645
00:35:55,333 --> 00:35:58,067
we headed deeper
into the Okavango.
646
00:36:00,867 --> 00:36:03,867
MAY: Front, 12:00, 1:00. One.
647
00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:05,800
CLARKSON: This is where
wildlife cameramen
648
00:36:05,833 --> 00:36:08,767
come to make a name
for themselves
with David Attenborough.
649
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:13,167
But unfortunately,
our film crew
are best, really, with cars.
650
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,233
MAY: A giraffe on the right.
651
00:36:15,267 --> 00:36:17,167
There, the big thing.
652
00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:22,533
If we ever do
a programme called
The Back End of an Animal...
653
00:36:22,567 --> 00:36:24,667
CLARKSON ON RADIO:
These are the boys to hire.
654
00:36:24,700 --> 00:36:26,833
This week on Too Late To Look.
655
00:36:26,867 --> 00:36:30,233
HAMMOND: Baboon
on the left with animals,
with a baby on its back.
656
00:36:30,267 --> 00:36:32,800
CLARKSON:
To give our crew a chance,
we stopped,
657
00:36:32,833 --> 00:36:36,333
and discovered that
we weren't much good
at animals either.
658
00:36:37,133 --> 00:36:39,200
-Wow, look! Look!
-MAY: Where?
659
00:36:39,233 --> 00:36:41,167
-A hippo's head.
-Oh, it is.
660
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:42,567
MAY: It's probably
a whole hippo.
661
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,133
The rest of him's
under the water.
662
00:36:45,867 --> 00:36:48,267
What does a hippo do
just before
it's about to attack?
663
00:36:48,300 --> 00:36:50,067
-Opens its mouth.
-Opens its mouth.
664
00:36:50,067 --> 00:36:53,533
It can open its jaw.
There's a thing it can do.
665
00:36:53,567 --> 00:36:57,067
MAY: Ah, look!
Ah, look at that.
666
00:36:57,067 --> 00:36:58,833
CLARKSON:
They've stopped for a drink,
667
00:36:58,867 --> 00:37:03,133
using their noses
to shovel water
into their mouths.
668
00:37:03,167 --> 00:37:05,400
HAMMOND: Jeremy,
that's a rubbish commentary.
669
00:37:05,433 --> 00:37:07,100
HAMMOND: James took over.
670
00:37:07,133 --> 00:37:09,467
MAY: That one's lifting
its paw up a bit like
a dog does.
671
00:37:09,500 --> 00:37:10,533
CLARKSON: Paw!
672
00:37:10,567 --> 00:37:13,067
-Hoof, foot,
whatever you call it.
-HAMMOND: Hoof?
673
00:37:14,167 --> 00:37:15,933
What is it on an elephant?
It's amazing.
674
00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:20,533
There's a man over there
with the best comb-over
I have ever seen in my life.
675
00:37:22,500 --> 00:37:23,733
MAY: That is...
676
00:37:25,667 --> 00:37:28,633
MAY: He's got four partings
as a result of that,
can you see?
677
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,300
Why don't...
You're bald, live with it.
678
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:36,200
CLARKSON: Oops, he caught me
looking at him.
679
00:37:36,233 --> 00:37:38,533
I was looking
through binoculars.
680
00:37:38,567 --> 00:37:41,300
I was looking at the
elephants really, I was.
681
00:37:41,333 --> 00:37:43,933
MAY:
Look at that sun now, boys.
682
00:37:43,967 --> 00:37:46,067
CLARKSON: Elephants, rally
special stage.
683
00:37:46,067 --> 00:37:47,600
Best comb-over
I've ever seen.
684
00:37:47,633 --> 00:37:48,800
Everything's here.
685
00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:03,933
HAMMOND:
We camped by the river,
686
00:38:03,967 --> 00:38:07,500
and while James
serviced his car,
I hatched a plan.
687
00:38:07,533 --> 00:38:10,300
Jeremy! Jeremy!
688
00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:13,633
Jeremy!
Quick, come here. Come here.
689
00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:15,133
CLARKSON: It's the cow's head.
690
00:38:15,167 --> 00:38:17,733
Yeah. It wasn't
working in the boot
but I've had a better idea.
691
00:38:17,767 --> 00:38:18,900
-What?
-Tent.
692
00:38:18,933 --> 00:38:20,700
-His tent?
-Yeah.
693
00:38:20,733 --> 00:38:22,700
CLARKSON: Love your thinking.
HAMMOND: It's the second one
from the right.
694
00:38:22,733 --> 00:38:24,767
You find it. That's his.
695
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,467
CLARKSON: In, in, in!
696
00:38:26,500 --> 00:38:28,967
-Put it under his bed.
697
00:38:29,067 --> 00:38:31,067
-Shh.
-What?
698
00:38:31,067 --> 00:38:33,067
-HAMMOND: What's that?
699
00:38:33,067 --> 00:38:35,467
-CLARKSON: It was a hippo.
700
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:37,100
-What?
-Close?
701
00:38:38,633 --> 00:38:40,167
There's a very big hippo.
702
00:38:41,467 --> 00:38:43,600
HAMMOND: Oh, my God,
look at that.
703
00:38:43,633 --> 00:38:45,700
CLARKSON: Hippos spend
all day in the water,
704
00:38:45,733 --> 00:38:48,200
and then they come out
at night because...
705
00:38:48,233 --> 00:38:50,133
I can't remember why.
706
00:38:50,167 --> 00:38:51,867
HAMMOND: Well, thank you.
That's useful.
707
00:38:51,900 --> 00:38:54,400
What's that?
708
00:38:54,433 --> 00:38:56,267
HAMMOND: Oh, brilliant! Look!
709
00:38:56,300 --> 00:39:01,200
CLARKSON: Do you wanna go
out there with a hippopotamus?
710
00:39:01,233 --> 00:39:03,533
Or do you want to stay
in here with a horse's head?
711
00:39:03,567 --> 00:39:05,467
HAMMOND: That's not a question
that's ever been asked.
712
00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:07,533
CLARKSON:
It's not a horse either,
it's a cow!
713
00:39:07,567 --> 00:39:09,400
HAMMOND: Um, hang on.
714
00:39:09,433 --> 00:39:11,800
That's my bag in James's...
715
00:39:11,833 --> 00:39:13,233
This is my tent!
716
00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:16,067
-HAMMOND: Oh, man! Get it out!
717
00:39:18,733 --> 00:39:21,100
CLARKSON: Our starting point
at the Zimbabwe border
718
00:39:21,133 --> 00:39:23,400
felt like it was
in another time zone.
719
00:39:23,433 --> 00:39:26,567
But still there were
many miles of delta to cover,
720
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,067
and our cars
were in a really bad way.
721
00:39:31,567 --> 00:39:33,767
CLARKSON: The bush mechanic
we have on the team
722
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,967
took two cubic feet of sand
out of my carburettor
last night
723
00:39:38,067 --> 00:39:41,833
and asked if I wouldn't mind
driving a little bit
more slowly today.
724
00:39:43,733 --> 00:39:45,400
James's cowbell!
725
00:39:47,567 --> 00:39:49,600
CLARKSON: Our ordinary
second-hand road cars
726
00:39:49,633 --> 00:39:52,633
were getting more and more
out of their depth.
727
00:39:52,667 --> 00:39:55,900
CLARKSON: This is proper
off-roading now.
728
00:39:55,933 --> 00:39:58,500
Men in camouflage trousers
in Wales
729
00:39:58,533 --> 00:40:00,867
who like murdering people
at weekends
730
00:40:00,900 --> 00:40:02,700
would say
this was tough-going.
731
00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:05,533
It was a whole...
Oh!
732
00:40:05,567 --> 00:40:08,367
-What is it? It's like iron.
-CLARKSON: It's a tree root.
733
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,800
I think I've bent
my steering rack a bit.
734
00:40:12,933 --> 00:40:14,133
Wow!
735
00:40:16,067 --> 00:40:18,500
MAY: Wow, there is an elephant
right there.
736
00:40:19,367 --> 00:40:20,767
A door down.
737
00:40:22,067 --> 00:40:24,633
'Cause that would
stop an elephant.
738
00:40:26,067 --> 00:40:28,000
MAY: Soon our route
was blocked by a river,
739
00:40:28,033 --> 00:40:31,667
and what you're supposed to do
is wade in to check the depth.
740
00:40:33,267 --> 00:40:34,900
Right.
741
00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:38,367
CLARKSON:
James went first and I said
I'd watch for crocodiles.
742
00:40:39,933 --> 00:40:42,600
Oh, I say!
There's a ground hornbill
over there.
743
00:40:42,633 --> 00:40:44,200
It's getting deeper!
744
00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:45,833
CLARKSON:
Oh, hang on a minute!
745
00:40:45,867 --> 00:40:47,033
Permission to say cock.
746
00:40:48,467 --> 00:40:49,633
It's coming in!
747
00:40:50,633 --> 00:40:52,933
CLARKSON:
Thunderbird One to the rescue!
748
00:40:52,967 --> 00:40:55,233
MAY ON RADIO: Come on,
I'm sinking by the boughs.
749
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:56,733
Coming.
750
00:40:59,533 --> 00:41:01,733
Oh, no!
751
00:41:01,767 --> 00:41:03,067
I can't help you!
752
00:41:03,067 --> 00:41:04,267
Come on!
753
00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:07,200
CLARKSON: James,
I'm in a low-slung sports car!
754
00:41:07,233 --> 00:41:09,067
MAY: I'm going down!
755
00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:12,533
That's good. Yes!
756
00:41:12,567 --> 00:41:15,067
CLARKSON: I've got water
coming into my car!
757
00:41:16,967 --> 00:41:19,400
Oh, God!
I've got a wet bottom!
758
00:41:20,100 --> 00:41:21,733
We're through!
759
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,167
CLARKSON:
Both our cars were flooded
760
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,200
but our guides
weren't bothered at all.
761
00:41:28,233 --> 00:41:32,100
People of Surrey,
if this happens to you,
you get water in the footwell
762
00:41:32,133 --> 00:41:34,133
and you need to drain it out,
you need a hole,
763
00:41:34,167 --> 00:41:36,900
well, the people of Botswana
have a tip for you.
764
00:41:49,533 --> 00:41:51,567
HAMMOND:
Meanwhile, using patience,
765
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,167
I'd found
a proper crossing point.
766
00:41:55,567 --> 00:41:58,233
There is a technique
to fording rivers.
767
00:41:58,267 --> 00:42:00,733
Even on a proper ford
like this.
768
00:42:00,767 --> 00:42:02,067
You've gotta keep
enough speed up
769
00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:04,067
to you push a bow wave
like that.
770
00:42:04,100 --> 00:42:05,967
Then you use whatever
power you've got
in the engine.
771
00:42:06,067 --> 00:42:07,767
Come on, come on, come on.
772
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,500
Oh, my... No!
773
00:42:11,767 --> 00:42:13,167
Oh, God!
774
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,233
He stalled! He's going down!
775
00:42:18,267 --> 00:42:20,500
I can't open the door! Oh!
776
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,167
Oh, God!
777
00:42:34,133 --> 00:42:36,367
Please! Come out!
778
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,700
Come on! Float! Float! Float!
779
00:42:40,767 --> 00:42:42,267
Oliver!
780
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:46,833
Hammond, how's it going?
781
00:42:46,867 --> 00:42:49,133
Well, I got a bit of water
in him.
782
00:42:49,167 --> 00:42:51,067
CLARKSON ON RADIO:
We did as well,
but it doesn't matter.
783
00:42:51,100 --> 00:42:52,600
Using rifles,
we shot the cars
784
00:42:52,633 --> 00:42:55,700
and the water's all
drained out. It's brilliant.
785
00:42:55,733 --> 00:42:56,867
Good.
786
00:42:58,267 --> 00:43:00,400
I might need the rifle.
787
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,333
HAMMOND:
As a local tourist truck
pulled me out,
788
00:43:04,367 --> 00:43:07,267
the laughing hyenas arrived.
789
00:43:10,867 --> 00:43:12,600
May gave his diagnosis.
790
00:43:12,633 --> 00:43:14,133
MAY: Oh, mate.
791
00:43:14,167 --> 00:43:16,767
Starting from the top,
the battery's probably
pretty knackered,
792
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:18,700
and then the carburettor
will be flooded.
793
00:43:18,733 --> 00:43:20,067
Mmm, very.
794
00:43:20,067 --> 00:43:23,233
And then working down,
the distributor cap
will be full of water.
795
00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:26,067
The engine itself,
I mean, if a bit of water
went into the cylinders,
796
00:43:26,100 --> 00:43:27,800
you might've compressed it
and broken something.
797
00:43:27,833 --> 00:43:30,900
-The oil will be ruined.
-I know all this.
I can fix him.
798
00:43:30,933 --> 00:43:32,633
You are going
to try and mend this?
799
00:43:32,667 --> 00:43:34,500
If you'd leave me to it, yeah.
800
00:43:34,533 --> 00:43:36,067
CLARKSON: So we did.
801
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,933
Oh, that's harsh.
802
00:43:49,967 --> 00:43:51,533
That is quite harsh but go on.
803
00:43:51,567 --> 00:43:54,567
# Are you sure
you've had enough... #
804
00:43:58,767 --> 00:44:00,367
Oh, he'll like this one.
805
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,567
# It's sad so sad
806
00:44:03,833 --> 00:44:07,500
# It's a sad, sad situation #
807
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:13,500
CLARKSON: Unfortunately,
you can only give a man
so much sympathy.
808
00:44:13,533 --> 00:44:16,233
So James and I
went ahead to make camp.
809
00:44:20,533 --> 00:44:22,300
Hammond knew
that in the morning,
810
00:44:22,333 --> 00:44:24,867
if his beloved Oliver
wasn't fixed,
811
00:44:24,900 --> 00:44:26,700
he'd have to leave him behind.
812
00:44:26,733 --> 00:44:30,300
So he got our bush mechanic
to bring the generator down.
813
00:44:32,267 --> 00:44:34,267
And worked on
through the night.
814
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:47,700
Morning came.
815
00:44:47,733 --> 00:44:49,233
And still no Hammond.
816
00:44:49,267 --> 00:44:52,067
I'm knackered today.
817
00:44:52,067 --> 00:44:54,200
I mean, I'm feeling quite
like an explorer.
818
00:44:57,267 --> 00:44:58,533
Is that Hammond?
819
00:44:58,567 --> 00:45:01,067
Is it a Beetle,
more to the point?
820
00:45:09,433 --> 00:45:10,567
No way.
821
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:16,267
-No way.
822
00:45:16,300 --> 00:45:18,533
Oh, yeah! Yeah, he's back.
823
00:45:19,733 --> 00:45:21,100
Ah!
824
00:45:23,067 --> 00:45:26,267
And here's the best thing.
Do you remember the horn
which was rubbish?
825
00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:30,067
It's excellent.
826
00:45:31,967 --> 00:45:35,133
-Is that technically possible?
-Probably not.
827
00:45:35,167 --> 00:45:38,167
In 47 years,
I've never been speechless.
828
00:45:41,067 --> 00:45:43,400
CLARKSON: With all the cars
defying all the odds,
829
00:45:43,433 --> 00:45:46,267
we began our final push
to the border.
830
00:45:48,700 --> 00:45:52,400
MAY: My car is working
perfectly, as usual.
831
00:45:52,433 --> 00:45:55,067
I've got no brakes,
the pedal goes straight
to the floor
832
00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:56,400
and I have
to de-clutch to stop,
833
00:45:56,433 --> 00:45:58,167
so I just tread
on my own foot.
834
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:00,133
So I'm using
the handbrake. Ha!
835
00:46:00,167 --> 00:46:01,800
CLARKSON:
The Lancia could beat that.
836
00:46:01,833 --> 00:46:04,533
Every time I brake,
it spears off to the right
837
00:46:04,567 --> 00:46:07,400
and I'm unable to steer left
to correct that.
838
00:46:07,433 --> 00:46:09,633
This has now gone
from being a nuisance
839
00:46:09,667 --> 00:46:11,667
to being downright dangerous.
840
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,333
MAY: We soon reached the end
of the Okavango,
841
00:46:15,367 --> 00:46:18,600
so we pulled over to remove
the animal protection.
842
00:46:18,633 --> 00:46:20,367
And then, guess what?
843
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:23,967
The Lancia simply
would not get going again.
844
00:46:24,067 --> 00:46:25,967
It now won't start
because the starter solenoid
845
00:46:26,067 --> 00:46:27,533
has chosen
this moment to pack up.
846
00:46:27,567 --> 00:46:31,800
But when it was running,
it wouldn't move off
in any of the gears.
847
00:46:31,833 --> 00:46:34,133
It was just that last 60k.
848
00:46:34,167 --> 00:46:36,900
It had that feel of a car
that was dying.
849
00:46:36,933 --> 00:46:40,467
CLARKSON:
Richard actually sympathised
because he'd been there.
850
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:41,600
As for James?
851
00:46:42,333 --> 00:46:43,533
Beetle.
852
00:46:46,133 --> 00:46:48,200
I'm not gonna give up.
I'll push it.
853
00:46:50,467 --> 00:46:51,867
Is this a good time
to acknowledge
854
00:46:51,900 --> 00:46:54,067
that mine is the only one
that has worked consistently?
855
00:46:54,067 --> 00:46:55,267
No.
856
00:46:57,733 --> 00:47:00,467
This is worrying.
I need to be home by Saturday.
857
00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:02,933
I've been invited
to a Beetle drive.
858
00:47:02,967 --> 00:47:06,300
CLARKSON:
The entire crew was working
on the stricken Beta.
859
00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:10,100
Until we were rewarded
with the most glorious sound
in the world.
860
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:12,833
Life.
861
00:47:12,867 --> 00:47:14,467
It lives!
862
00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:16,067
It lives!
863
00:47:16,833 --> 00:47:19,500
I got a whole 100 yards.
864
00:47:19,533 --> 00:47:22,233
-Oh, I'm not stuck.
865
00:47:22,267 --> 00:47:24,733
My idle speed's not good.
866
00:47:24,767 --> 00:47:28,067
-Bye, everybody! I can't stop!
867
00:47:28,067 --> 00:47:30,233
Please! Please!
868
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,533
HAMMOND:
Soon we hit the tarmac
869
00:47:33,567 --> 00:47:36,233
and we started
to taste the hope.
870
00:47:41,700 --> 00:47:42,733
Just 20 miles,
871
00:47:42,767 --> 00:47:45,067
you can do that,
you've crossed Botswana.
872
00:47:45,067 --> 00:47:48,467
Now I'm stuck in second
but second will do.
873
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:52,067
Obviously, mine would keep
going to the other side
of the whole continent
874
00:47:52,100 --> 00:47:53,567
but, you know.
875
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,333
Come on, 10 miles, please!
876
00:47:56,933 --> 00:48:00,833
HAMMOND: Then something really
surprising happened.
877
00:48:00,867 --> 00:48:02,167
Oh, no. Not now.
878
00:48:03,533 --> 00:48:05,333
Please!
879
00:48:05,367 --> 00:48:10,267
CLARKSON: Because the Lancia
had been such a problem child,
everyone was fed up with it.
880
00:48:10,300 --> 00:48:13,767
Only two of the crew
stayed behind to help.
881
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,900
Carburettor's gone.
882
00:48:15,933 --> 00:48:18,633
Even if we can get that fixed,
the starter motor is gone.
883
00:48:18,667 --> 00:48:20,567
We've put it into gear,
it goes into third
884
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:22,067
and then that just
stalls the engine.
885
00:48:22,067 --> 00:48:23,500
And then you're back
to square one again.
886
00:48:24,900 --> 00:48:27,533
MAY: The border was just
five miles away.
887
00:48:27,567 --> 00:48:29,233
MAY: Well, there you go,
this is an object lesson
888
00:48:29,267 --> 00:48:31,100
for the owners
of old cars everywhere.
889
00:48:31,133 --> 00:48:32,400
You can drive'em
round the world.
890
00:48:32,433 --> 00:48:34,067
Yeah, it's really relaxing.
891
00:48:34,067 --> 00:48:35,767
-Come on.
892
00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:39,667
HAMMOND: Border!
893
00:48:39,700 --> 00:48:42,300
1,596 kilometres.
894
00:48:42,333 --> 00:48:44,400
That's near as damn it
1000 miles,
895
00:48:44,433 --> 00:48:48,067
I've still got half a car left
and very bad hair.
896
00:48:52,100 --> 00:48:53,433
I don't believe that!
897
00:48:56,967 --> 00:48:59,533
Sorry! I've got no brakes.
898
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:02,700
Um... Yeah.
899
00:49:05,733 --> 00:49:06,800
It's there.
900
00:49:07,700 --> 00:49:09,167
HAMMOND: We've done it!
901
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,467
HAMMOND: All we had to do now
was wait.
902
00:49:13,500 --> 00:49:16,500
Wait to see which car
Jeremy arrived in.
903
00:49:19,067 --> 00:49:20,433
-Is that an engine?
-That's a car.
904
00:49:23,833 --> 00:49:26,400
HAMMOND: Unmistakable clatter
of an air-cooled engine.
905
00:49:26,433 --> 00:49:28,067
It's gonna be the Beetle.
906
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,133
CLARKSON: And it was.
907
00:49:34,833 --> 00:49:36,467
But I wasn't driving it.
908
00:49:36,500 --> 00:49:38,933
Yeah!
909
00:49:38,967 --> 00:49:41,433
HAMMOND: Yeah,
I'm almost pleased.
MAY: Yes!
910
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:45,200
MAY: Oh, that's excellent.
911
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,333
Watch it! Brakes don't work!
912
00:49:48,367 --> 00:49:49,933
Sorry, there's no brakes.
913
00:49:49,967 --> 00:49:51,200
MAY: Congratulations.
914
00:49:51,233 --> 00:49:52,767
HAMMOND: That's astonishing!
915
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,067
CLARKSON:
I think realistically
we have to say
916
00:49:58,100 --> 00:49:59,367
the Lancia's won it.
917
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,633
Why?
By what possible measure?
918
00:50:02,667 --> 00:50:05,133
-It's the most surprising.
-It's the worst.
919
00:50:05,167 --> 00:50:06,500
Well, you don't buy
a second-hand car
920
00:50:06,533 --> 00:50:08,367
to be surprised
that it still works.
921
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,367
It had to be rebuilt
once a day.
922
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:12,633
Yeah, you're right.
It's rubbish.
923
00:50:12,667 --> 00:50:14,500
MAY: The Mercedes
is the best car.
924
00:50:14,533 --> 00:50:15,733
BOTH: What?
925
00:50:15,767 --> 00:50:17,100
What have I had to do?
I've had to...
926
00:50:17,133 --> 00:50:18,667
Take the entire body off!
927
00:50:18,700 --> 00:50:20,133
It's a showroom model, James.
928
00:50:20,167 --> 00:50:22,567
All right, I admit
it's not entirely original
929
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,933
but in mechanical terms
it was perfect.
930
00:50:24,967 --> 00:50:26,167
You cannot break that.
931
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,600
I think, honestly,
we have to be magnanimous here
932
00:50:28,633 --> 00:50:32,267
because only
one of the cars has actually
made it unmodified.
933
00:50:32,300 --> 00:50:35,600
So that brings us
on to a Top Gear top tip.
934
00:50:35,633 --> 00:50:37,100
If, people of Surrey,
935
00:50:37,133 --> 00:50:39,133
you want to replace
your BMW X5
936
00:50:39,167 --> 00:50:42,067
with something
that's brilliant off-road...
937
00:50:42,100 --> 00:50:43,733
-Simple.
-Simple.
938
00:50:43,767 --> 00:50:46,400
-Inexpensive.
-Easy to maintain,
surprisingly comfortable.
939
00:50:46,433 --> 00:50:47,633
Absolutely.
940
00:50:47,667 --> 00:50:50,533
Then you've got to
get yourself
a Volkswagen Beetle.
941
00:50:51,367 --> 00:50:52,400
A what?
942
00:50:52,433 --> 00:50:54,000
-It's true.
-Jeremy's right.
943
00:50:54,033 --> 00:50:55,167
-It's true!
-He's right.
944
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,067
You've replaced
all the electrics in that...
72500
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