Original subtitles

Any luck with the lights yet, Aunt Lily? The storm knocked them all out.

Not yet.

How are you doing, Eddie? Okay, Mom.

I'm finishing my homework in the dark.

Good boy.

Grandpa and Herman are down in the dungeon looking for the fuse box.

I hope they find it in time to watch TV.

They're having one of Grandpa's favorite operations on Dr. Kildare tonight.

There's something here.

Herman, will you cut it out?

It's just that carving on the wall.

Dumb old lizard.

Pipe down and look for the fuse box.

Herman.

Herman.

Look, this is no time to play hide and seek.

Herman.

Herman, where are you?

I'm behind this wall.

Are you in here?

Are you in here, Herman?

Here I am.

Gee, Grandpa, I never knew you had a hobby room off the lab.

I'll admit it's a fun place, but believe me...

I never saw this playpen before.

You know, I once heard that this house was built on top of an old fort.

And this must have been the dungeon for prisoners.

Look, there's something written on the wall.

You'd better look first.

It might be a naughty word.

"Morgan's treasure in this valley.

"Look behind the noble Sally."

Now, that's not too naughty.

"Morgan's treasure in this valley.

"Look behind the noble Sally."

Pretty rotten poet, wasn't he?

Herman, you knothead.

Morgan's treasure. Morgan, the pirate.

Somewhere in this house is Morgan's gold.

A fortune in treasure from the Spanish Main.

We've got to find it. Now we gotta find the treasure.

Then we'll be rich...

and we'll live in the lap of luxury, and have millions.

Millions!

"Ancient Pirates and Buccaneers.

"Revised edition.

"Bluebeard.

"Captain Blood.

"Captain Kidd.

"Long John Silver."

Here we are, Herman, here we are.

"Henry Morgan."

It says here that Morgan and his crew...

visited Mockingbird Valley back in 1672...

when they were hiding from the Spanish Navy.

"He is thought to have buried some of his loot in the vicinity.

"He planned to return for it, but like so many pirates...

"he was brought to justice and hanged in the end."

That's funny.

I thought they usually hung them by the neck.

Here you go, Aunt Lily.

Marilyn, have you seen Grandpa or Herman?

I have an idea they're up to something.

They've been acting very odd all day.

Well, they're down in the dungeon with the trap door bolted from the inside.

Those two.

The last time they acted this sneaky...

Grandpa was trying to get a license from the Federal Reserve.

He wanted to open his own blood bank.

"Look behind the noble Sally."

Never been a Sally in this house.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Maybe we get out the telephone book and call all the girls named Sally.

Now, will you be quiet? I'm trying to think.

Herman, what are you doing?

I'm thinking, too.

Well, knock it off. It's too dangerous.

That's it. That's it!

That's Sally! There it is.

Sally. Sally. Where is she? Where's Sally?

Sally, the lizard. Sally salamander!

The lizard, Sally. Sally salamander.

I don't get it. What do you mean "you don't get it?"

A lizard is a salamander...

and "Sally" is short for salamander.

The secret to the treasure is hidden behind this rock.

Herman, don't stand there. Get me a hammer.

Grandpa, allow me.

There's no treasure in here.

Just this old piece of paper.

Old piece of paper.

Herman, this is a genuine pirate treasure map.

How do you know? How do I know?

'Cause everything here is spelled wrong.

Here's that river that runs through our town.

Look. There's that little hill behind our house.

And there's Camel Rock, the big boulder in our yard.

Herman, the treasure is buried right here.

It's ours. Ours!

Ours. Ours.

Well, now they're out there in the yard with their shovels and pickaxes.

Imagine looking for Morgan's treasure in our own back yard.

I asked them to wait till morning...

but Grandpa says he always does his best digging at night.

You know, Aunt Lily...

there could be something to this buried treasure story.

Now, our history professor says that there were pirates in this area.

I don't know, Marilyn.

Finding buried treasure and pirates' gold...

things like that just don't happen to normal, everyday families like us.

But Grandpa and Uncle Herman did find the map and it looked authentic.

Your Uncle Herman just isn't the lucky type.

Like that time a few years ago. We won those cruise tickets on the Titanic.

At the last minute, he couldn't get time off from work.

It says, "Walk due north...

"from the... aunk?"

"Take eight goodly paces from the aunk."

Wait a minute. Herman?

What is an "aunk?" An "aunk?"

Well, an "aunk" is a...

You big dummy, there's no such thing as an aunk!

Now will you let me read this?

I think I can make this out now.

"Take eight goodly paces due north...

"from the oak!"

That's better.

No, it's not.

Persimmon trees we got, oleander we got.

Trailing arbutuses we got.

Poison ivy we got.

Oak? No got.

Not one measly, lousy, crummy oak.

Don't be discouraged, Grandpa.

As the poets have always said:

"Somewhere over the rainbow...

"there's a bluebird of happiness waiting for the Robert E. Lee."

Aunt Lily, come here for a minute. I want you to see something.

Isn't that sweet?

They're sitting there, resting from their labors.

Isn't it nice, the way they're getting along together?

Yes. In the old country, a father would be at his son-in-law's throat by now.

Maybe it would be nice if they found that treasure together.

It's wonderful to see them doing little things together.

Well, I guess that map was just a big old fake.

There sure aren't any oak trees around here.

Hi, Pop. Hi, Grandpa.

What are you guys doing sitting on this stump?

Well, we were just trying to...

Stump?

Herman, the stump is the oak.

Someone must've cut it down.

I'll walk eight goodly paces north.

Hey, Pop, can I stay and watch?

You go in the house, Eddie. But, Pop!

Go in the house.

Mom!

Look at him. A rich man's son, and already he's spoiled.

Ready? Yeah.

One...

two...

three...

four...

Five.

Five...

six...

seven...

eight.

Herman, this must be the place.

Dig!

Dig, dig, dig!

Grandpa, do you hear that? Yeah.

Herman, it's the treasure chest.

Grandpa, you get out first and I'll hand it up to you.

Good.

Here you go.

A little heave-ho. Come on, Herman.

That's it. Now don't be too rough with it.

Come on, Herman. Come on.

Little higher.

No, no, that's too high.

Lower it.

I got it. That's it.

Don't open it till I get there.

Lily, Marilyn, Eddie. Come quick!

Come quick! We're rich!

Herman, what're you doing?

I'm going to get in and roll around in it.

Get out of there!

Lily, look!

Look, dear, we found Captain Morgan's treasure.

Look, Marilyn, they did find it.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

♪ Here we go round the treasure chest ♪

♪ The treasure chest, the treasure chest ♪

♪ Here we go round the treasure chest, So early in the morning ♪♪

It does my heart good to see a boy wolf down his food like that.

What's the hurry, Eddie?

Well, I wanna get to school so I can boast about us being filthy rich millionaires.

Now, now, Eddie.

We have never boasted about our wonderful advantages before.

We are not going to start now.

Okay.

But tomorrow can I take the teacher an apple with a diamond in it?

We'll see.

So long. So long.

Bye. Bye.

Where is my dear son-in-law, Herman?

Did he leave for work early today?

Herman decided to stay home today.

Stay home to do what?

He didn't say, he just decided to stay home.

Well...

Excuse me, but I'm going to go down to the lab and check on our treasure.

Isn't Grandpa conscientious?

Keeping such a close watch on that treasure.

He was like that in the old country.

Whenever the family used to go out at night...

he always would worry about who was minding the vault.

Man, Herman's not even here at all.

Well, it was kind of silly of me to be so suspicious.

Boy, oh, boy!

Looking for something, Diogenes?

Herman, what's the meaning?

What is the idea of this?

Well, it just occurred to me that...

some unscrupulous persons might have evil designs on our treasure.

So I set a booby trap.

I had no idea the booby would turn out to be you.

Somebody's missing. What did you say, dear?

I said somebody is missing.

Now speak up. Who is it?

Gee, Pop, we're all here but Grandpa.

Grandpa? Of course.

Where is my honest old partner?

Well, I thought I saw him go down to the dungeon.

The dungeon. The dungeon?

You mean the dungeon where we have the treasure chest?

Yes, Herman, that dungeon.

Aunt Lily...

do you think that Uncle Herman and Grandpa are suspicious of each other?

Ever since that treasure came into their lives, they've been acting very childish.

Childish?

Heck, Mom, I don't know any kids that act that creepy.

The old frump isn't down here after all.

Uh-oh.

Better be careful.

He might have it booby-trapped.

I was worrying about nothing.

Oh, boy.

Look at all those goodies.

Ha.

Caught you red-handed, you dirty crook.

Who you calling a crook?

You're the crook, you swindler.

Don't you call me a swindler, you thief.

Charlatan! You double-crosser!

Cheater! Fink!

Burglar! Bandit!

You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Fighting about the treasure you both found.

The treasure rightfully belongs to me, because it was found in my house.

Your house? Prove it. Show me the deed.

I don't have to prove it...

because all the mail that comes here is addressed to Mr. Herman Munster.

All the mail you get says: "Care of Herman Munster."

Are you calling me a freeloader? No.

I'm calling you a bum.

Don't call me a bum. I'll throw you down and walk all over you.

You do that, I'll get you for trespassing.

Stop it, both of you.

Grandpa!

Now stop it, Grandpa.

Now blow out your fingers and behave.

Since you've found that treasure...

there's been nothing but jealousy and greed between you two.

Why, it's turned you into a couple of inhuman creatures.

Well, it's his fault. Was not.

It was! It wasn't!

Was! Wasn't!

Quiet!

Now, here's what we'll do.

Until this thing can be settled...

I want you both to promise...

that neither one of you will go near that treasure without the other.

Now shake hands on it.

Well, I'll promise, but I won't shake hands.

I'll promise if he hopes to spit.

I don't want to.

Come on, Grandpa.

Well, all right.

I hope to spit... right in his eye.

Grandpa, Herman.

Boy, that was a neat fight.

Eddie, where did you come from?

Well, I was watching from my perch.

Crook! Thief!

Come and get 'em, Lily.

Well, there they are, Marilyn. Two rats in a trap.

You mean you set these traps for us?

Yes, I did.

I knew that neither one of you would keep your word.

Well, I thought he was gonna come down here.

And I knew he was gonna come down here.

It's my treasure. It isn't, it's half mine.

It's not! It is!

Well, you don't have to worry about whose treasure it is any longer...

because this afternoon Marilyn and I took it down...

and gave it to the Rescue Mission.

You did what? That's right.

And the nice man there said that there was enough treasure...

to furnish turkey dinners for the next 300 years.

And Aunt Lily saw that all that money was just ruining your lives.

Well, Herman...

now we don't have to worry anymore that crooks like us are going to steal it.

We're paupers.

I guess we can be friends again.

My buddy. My old pal.

Aunt Lily, isn't it wonderful? They're friends again.

Family...

I want us all to remember this moment...

'cause I think we've all learned a valuable lesson tonight.

And if somebody will get my leg out of this cotton-picking bear trap...

I'll try to figure out what it is.