Original subtitles

This ought to get rid of those darned old fleas.

Now, Spot, hold still. Here's one, Pop.

Got you!

All finished, Spot. That's the last one.

Herman, listen to this.

Marilyn just got back from the wedding she went to...

and guess what? A boy drove her home.

A boy? You're kidding.

No, it's true. Now, we can't miss this opportunity...

so you run out and invite him in...

and tell him we'd like to have him for dinner.

I'd really like to come in, but I better be going.

But I'd like you to meet my aunt and uncle. They're such a fun couple.

Hi, Marilyn. Come on in and bring your boyfriend.

We'd love to have him for dinner.

Uncle Herman...

it happened again. What's wrong with me?

Herman, what happened?

She scared off another one. Darn!

Oh, dear. Poor Marilyn.

That makes four weddings she's been to in one month.

Always a bridesmaid, and never a bride.

Poor Marilyn.

What can you expect with those looks?

I wonder what could have frightened her mother that badly before she was born.

For once, I'm not going to take this lying down.

I have found a husband for Marilyn. You have?

Where is he? Where is he? Down in the lab.

In exactly one minute, you will meet the future Mr. Marilyn Munster.

Grandpa, I'm running out of patience.

You said that you had Marilyn's future husband down here in the lab...

and I want to meet him, tout de suite.

Keep your head on.

Meet Marilyn's future fiancé.

You want Marilyn to marry a frog?

No, stupid, I'm gonna change the frog into a prince...

and the prince is going to marry Marilyn.

But...

I've got the potion stewing on the front burner right now.

Just a matter of days.

I must admit, Grandpa, this is one of your more sensible ideas...

but there's just one little hole in your plan.

That's when the prince sees what Marilyn looks like.

My boy, I've taken care of that little thing.

This frog happens to be a very nearsighted one.

Gee, this is neat, Pop, going to a drive-in movie.

Yes. You know, I enjoy seeing a movie in the privacy of your own car...

without a lot of tourists gawking and pointing at you...

just because they think we're movie stars.

Gee, Pop, I bet it's a cowboy and Indian picture, isn't it?

That's right. By the by, where's Marilyn?

She decided to stay home and study.

No date again?

Well, that will soon be remedied.

If Grandpa's plans work out, things will soon be jumping around here.

What do you mean by that? I'll tell you later, dear.

You and Eddie go to the car. I'll get Grandpa.

Come on, hurry up, Grandpa. We're all set to go to the drive-in.

They're having a Porky Pig cartoon and I want to get there for the beginning...

so I can follow the plot.

First things first.

I'm getting very close. If this potion works...

Marilyn may meet her prince tonight.

Well, hurry up, will you?

They slapped me together in half the time you're taking.

Now, I add a little bluing...

that's for the blood. That's fine, but...

just one thing, how are you gonna get the frog...

to drink the potion out of that glass? My boy, that's very simple.

You see, I'll change the potion into a fly...

and then I'll get the stupid frog to eat the fly.

Watch. Give me your hand.

Just as I thought, a complete failure.

They ought to drum you out of the mad scientists' union.

I don't know, Herman.

You know, I may not have changed him into a prince...

but I sure cured him of his warts.

Well, come on, we're late for the movie.

It's cowboys and Indians, and I don't want to miss the massacre.

Aunt Lily, are you at the drive-in?

How's the show? Quite dull.

You know, in the few minutes that your Uncle Herman went out for hot dogs...

half the audience left. Are you all right, dear?

Now, don't you worry about me. I'm used to being home by myself.

If anyone knocks on the door, don't answer.

Honestly, the oddballs that are allowed out these days...

and the long haircuts on them.

The only time you can tell which are the boys and which are the girls...

is during intermission.

And, by the way, the massacre scene was a disappointment.

They used fake blood.

Grandpa noticed it immediately.

Now, you be careful, dear. Don't you worry about me.

I'll go right up to my room and lock myself in.

Bye, now. Goodbye.

Darn! Darn! Darn!

Look at that. Did you ever see anything like it?

Yeah, in a dream.

The night I had a big dinner of Hungarian goulash...

and then entered a pizza-eating contest. Let's get out of here.

Wait a minute, Frank. Remember, I'm studying architecture.

This house is a classic example of the Gothic period.

A period that is really extinct.

Yeah, and I'll bet there are people inside to match.

Are you coming with me? This is weird.

No, this is too interesting to pass up. Look at those cupolas up on the roof.

And I wouldn't be surprised if they had a gazebo in the backyard.

And you got bats in your belfry.

I'll see you later.

Help!

Won't someone help me?

Good heavens, there's someone up there.

What's the matter, miss?

Please, could you help me? I'm locked in. I can't get out.

She's being held prisoner.

I'm coming. I'll save you.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Everything will be all right.

Now, what's a beautiful girl like you doing calling for help?

This is the first night in ages that they've been out...

and I just didn't know what else to do. Just as I thought.

When will they be back? Any minute.

But you don't understand.

Please, spare me the painful details. We haven't a moment to waste.

But, you see, the door is locked. Don't worry about a thing.

I don't know how to thank you. I thought I'd never get out of there.

You're safe now. I can't imagine what you've been through.

Come on, we better hurry.

What's that? It's them. They're home.

What'll they think when they see you? I'll take care of that.

I'm going for help, but I'll be back. Be brave.

What's going on? Who was that?

A young man. Aunt Lily, it was so exciting.

I got locked in and he came climbing up the

trellis, just like a prince in a fairy tale.

Where is he now? He went out the window.

You should have seen him jump. He didn't want to embarrass me, I think.

He climbed up on the balcony?

Herman, that's our frog.

He turned into a prince while we were away. Oh, goody, goody, goody.

Well, we've got to get him. We can't let him get away. Come on.

It may be our only chance.

What are they talking about?

Never you mind, dear.

Marilyn...

I think that finally our dreams are going to come true.

Spot's got him cornered.

Good work, Spot. No.

Got you, you slippery little rascal, you.

All right, Spot, good boy. You can leave him to us now.

Boy, look at him. He sure is scared.

I guess he's not used to people yet.

Look at him, Herman. Isn't he a beauty?

Not a wart on him.

♪ This is the night we tie the knot, tie the knot, tie the knot ♪♪

Gentlemen, I don't care what you do to me, but let that poor girl go.

That would never do.

After all, you know, it takes two to tango.

Let me out of here. How's that for gratitude, Herman?

You take a bum out of a swamp, make a man out of him...

and this is the way he shows his appreciation.

Let me out of here! Quiet, punk.

I knew you when you didn't have a lily pad to sit on.

Now, listen, son. I'm sure you're nervous. Most fellows are at this time.

Listen, Grandpa, I've been thinking.

Don't you think we ought to talk this over with Marilyn...

before we go ahead with the you-know-what?

Talk it over? Herman, don't be silly.

The best way to handle these things is to get it over with so fast...

they don't know what hit them.

I still think Marilyn ought to get another look at him...

before the ceremony.

I guess we could talk to her about the arrangements.

Let's go.

I don't know why he's acting so strangely about getting married.

Are you sure that frog is nearsighted?

Maybe he got a good look at Marilyn. Don't worry.

He's just playing hard to get.

Hey, Pop!

Are you down there?

I don't understand what this is all about.

This looks like a bridal gown to me.

♪♪

You must be one of Grandpa's friends.

They're the only ones he lets play in his laboratory.

Play?

Yeah, that's what we were doing, all right. We were playing.

How would you like to play a trick on your grandpa?

What kind of trick?

Now, you untie me and I'll tell you, okay? Okay.

I'll cut the ropes.

Yeah, good boy. Good boy.

Now, easy. Easy does it.

♪♪

♪♪

You look beautiful, my dear.

Happy the bride the moon shines on.

You've done wonders with her, dear.

She almost looks presentable.

Your Uncle Herman thought that we should talk it over with you...

before we marry you to that prince. Prince?

You mean the boy who climbed up the trellis?

Marry?

Aunt Lily.

So that's what this is all about.

Congratulations.

We're all so happy for you, my dear.

Now that we've finally unloaded you.

That was fun, but now how do we play a trick on Grandpa?

Now, you go to bed, and I run through that door out there.

Are you trying to get me to go to bed?

No, I'm just trying to get through that door out there.

Okay, but kiss Woof-Woof goodnight.

I'd rather not, Eddie. Then kiss me goodnight.

Goodbye.

I told you, Herman, everything would be all right.

Oh, no. He's gone.

The prince has flown. What'll we do?

Grandpa, you blew it again. The spell wore off.

I told you not to buy those magic potions in Tijuana.

I'll just have to double the dosage this time.

This is a fine mess. Marilyn's dressed upstairs in her wedding gown.

Now what?

We can't have them play "Here Comes The Frog."

Herman, will you stop worrying?

Well...

princie-boy, it's back to the old drawing board again.

Now, let's get this straight.

There's this beautiful girl being held captive in an old haunted house...

and you climbed up the trellis of the house to get to her window.

Did she let her hair down for you to climb up on?

Now, Al, that's a stupid question.

If she'd let down her beautiful long hair for him to climb up on...

he wouldn't have had to use the trellis.

Yeah, and he wouldn't have got a chance to kiss the Woof-Woof.

Honest, officer, I know this guy, and he wouldn't make things up.

Can't you at least check on it?

Okay. Harry, suppose we take a run on out there.

This should be a lark.

You know, I have never before seen a real haunted house full of monsters.

Now, Marilyn, dear, do not be downhearted. Some day your prince will come.

Again, I hope.

In the meantime, just put your beautiful dress...

right back in your hope chest.

That ought to keep it fragrant and lovely.

You know, this cedar lining I put in your chest came from the parlor.

We use it to line our "Forever Yours" model.

Now, don't you two worry about me.

I mean, after all, I'm surrounded with love.

Goodnight. Goodnight, dear.

Goodnight.

Well, Buckingham Palace it ain't.

But, so far, I haven't seen any giant green monsters.

It's past their bedtime, Al. Giant green monsters need a lot of sleep.

You know, so they can put those little tiny peas into the can.

Oh, well, it beats going home.

Yes?

I know you're going to think this is crazy, lady...

but we got to check it out.

We got a report about some young fellow being held prisoner here...

something about dungeons, mad scientists.

Young fellow? That must have been the prince.

Do come in. You mean...

you know about this guy? Certainly.

He was supposed to marry my niece, but nothing came of it.

You mean, he backed out?

"Jumped out" would be a better way of putting it.

Why don't I show you down to the dungeon.

My father is there and he'll tell you all about it.

Herman, I've got it. I've really got it this time.

Hiya, fellas.

The policemen's ball is here so soon? Put me down for two tickets.

What's going on here? What are you doing? What am I doing?

I'm making a fiancé for my niece.

What kind of a question is that?

Are you some kind of a nut or something? Never mind that.

Did you have a fellow down here tied up? Yeah.

But the bum double-crossed me and changed back into a frog.

Yeah, sure.

Harry, I think we just about got to the bottom of this.

Thanks a lot, buster. Wait a minute, Al.

Come on, we got things to do. All right.

See you at the dance, fellas.

You know, there's something I just don't understand.

You mean to say you're happier this way than when you were a prince?

I just don't get it. It's simple.

It's one of them college fraternity initiations.

Yeah? Yeah.

All these people running around, dressed up with these rubber masks on.

And that kid was a plant. See, we were supposed to come out here...

then they were really gonna put us on.

I see. So we just play it cool, right? Right.

This setup can't be for real.

How corny can kids get today?

There you are, gentlemen. Did my father straighten out everything?

You bet. All squared away.

Thank you for your interest, officers.

It's good to feel that our police force is on its toes.

We're on our toes, all right.

Great job of make-up you got there. Make-up?

I haven't worn make-up in years.

It takes away that unnatural look that we girls like.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Hey, Al, there's the best one yet.

Hi there, buster, and a Sap Kappa Si Beta Phi to you.

Good night, officers.

Good night to you, too, fella.

Certainly makes a private citizen feel very safe...

to have fine, intelligent police officers like that on the force.

I thought that one got a little fresh pinching my cheek.

I don't blame him a bit.

After all, who could resist you?

Herman. Yes, dear.

Hey, you're the girl.

It's you. Where did you run to? Run to?

You don't know what I went through in that house.

Tied down to a table, and all those horrible-looking people.

What do you mean, "horrible-looking people"?

Why, that old man with the cape and the tall green one.

That just happens to be my grandfather and my uncle.

And two finer people never walked this earth. So there.

Those kooks? You must be kidding.

Come on, Linda.

What did you wanna go and make her mad for?

I don't wanna have anything to do with a girl like that.

She lives in a house full of monsters and she covers up for them.

She must be some kind of weirdo herself.

Why did you brush him off? I thought he was kind of nice.

Anybody that would make up such ridiculous tales...

about my Grandpa and my sweet Uncle Herman...

is just too far out for me.

Herman! Lily! What's the matter?

Blast! That darn frog got away again...

and just after I had gotten him to take that new batch of potion.

Dear, I hope he's not lost.

I'd hate to have my future nephew end up on some menu as frog's legs.

Maybe he's lost in the front yard. I'll take a look.

Oh, no. If that prince gets away this time, we may never find him.

Grandpa, quick. Come look.

Mamma mia.

This time, I turned that stupid frog into a girl.

Herman, catch me.

Butterfingers.