Original subtitles

Adult mark: I was hypnotized

By the world inside our television.

It seemed so far away that it couldn't possibly be real...

Until it was.

Announcer: [on tv] from vegas to newfoundland...

The greatest hypnotist on earth!

I am hudaro!

...Two, one...

Aah! And you'll become...

...A famous opera star!

Now you're napoleon, and you're a kangaroo!

This is no good.

This chair's old.

Well, so are you.

You don't see me throwing you away.

Hudaro: [on tv] you're two years old.

Participant: They said I was dancing like a chicken,

But I don't remember a thing!

Hudaro is amazing!

Don't miss your chance to see the unfathomable hudaro!

Can we go? Can we, please?

He can't be any good if he's comin' here.

Hudaro: Who dares dare hudaro? Hudaro dares!

Announcer: Hudaro! Two nights only, st. John's!

He's playing at school!

No way!

Mike sr: Must be terrible.

Alright, we'll go.

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Adult mark: Being a newsman,

The old man loved a train wreck.

Mark, I found your math test.

Did you hide this so I wouldn't find it?

Will I be in less trouble if I answer honestly?

You are spending too much time glued to that idiot box!

No show for you until you get your grades up!

But, mom, it's just a quiz!

The actual test is on Friday.

Come on, mary. Let the boy...

17.50?!

Good god!

Listen to your mother. You're not going.

No.

Hudaro: Don't you dare miss it!

["hinterland who's who" playing on tv]

Good news!

It's not me, it's not the chair,

It was my pants!

Mary: Oh... Pop: They were too tight!

Ahh!

Oh, much better!

Turn it up!

♪

What's this about?

Probably school picture day.

Mom never buys 'em.

I'm not combing my hair for that.

Adult mark: Fox's folks had enough kids

To fill their own yearbook,

So they opted for the watermarked sample.

I like picture day.

You know, if I'm gonna be an actor,

I'll need an updated headshot.

And I get to trade photos this year

Now that I finally have friends.

Yeah, fox, you should get one so we can all trade.

Whatever.

Maybe.

Sister rose: [into mic] children...

As we enter the holy season of lent,

We must make sacrifices.

Yes, we encourage you to give something up for lent.

Perhaps some candy, or television,

Or video games.

Our lord was beaten and crucified.

But yes, ms. Fowler, you could give up...

Candy.

Even-steven.

Ms. Fowler: Yes.

Well, a special guest is here

And he's offered you a free show.

Adult mark: It couldn't be!

Please welcome, all the way from las vegas,

The unfathomable hudaro!

[applause & cheering]

[dramatic music playing]

Hello, st. Bridget's!

Who dares dare hudaro?

Hudaro dares!

[applause & cheering]

You!

♪

Seven, six, hearing only my voice,

Five, four,

And you will become the world-renowned opera singer,

Madame fowler,

In, three, two, one...

Sing!

[sings sustained note]

[laughter]

[vocalizing]

[applause]

What do you think, children?

Should we leave her like this?

She could tour the world!

[applause continues]

[singing stops]

[applause & cheering]

Thank you, boys and girls!

[quietly] sorry.

Now, hudaro knows there is magic in each and every one of you.

So, who would like to see some more, huh?

Mark: Yes! Ritche: Yes!

Hudaro can't hear you!

[applause & cheering]

Mom, we have to go! It was unfathomable!

You better not have missed math for that!

I don't know, mark. Tonight?

You haven't heard the best part yet.

He offered us free tickets!

Free?

Yeah, free for students so long as they bring a paying adult.

[sighs] bloody tinker carny.

Pop!

Pants at the dinner table!

I have put on a bit of weight,

So I'm just gonna go on the salads.

Don't worry, I'll be back in pants in no time.

Pancake day!

Oh, for christ's sake.

Adult mark: On the day before giving something up for lent,

Catholics eat pancakes...

Because religion is weird.

I just started a diet, and now you're serving dinner

With "cake" in the name.

Temptress!

Pop: Oh, well.

Go on, then.

I'll have three.

Mary: No, you don't. Pop: What?

Nobody wants you back in pants more than I do.

[choking sound]

Oh, be careful biting in there! Don't choke!

Adult mark: The tradition is that your fortune is hidden

Inside the pancake.

A nail means you'll be a carpenter,

A button means you'll be a tailor, a coin means...

Pop: [laughs] mary: You're gonna be rich!

Does that mean we have enough money to go to the show?

Enough!

Look, give me a pancake and I'll buy you a ticket.

That's perfect.

Mom...

The math test is Friday.

I'll do better then, I promise!

Fine! On one condition!

You get an a.

Mark: D? Mary: C!

Deal! Yes, thank you!

Pop: Mmm! [grunts]

A button!

I told you pants were in my future!

♪

That's my good makeup.

Picture day is tomorrow,

And I thought you might buy 'em if I...

Suzanne: Oh, my sacred heart!

[sighs]

Don't you fret, my dear.

We are gonna make you look just like your poor ol' mudder.

[cosmetics bag unzips]

All right, st john's!

Dick dunphy here from the mighty...

590 vocm!

[one person claps]

Are you ready for...

Hu-da-row?

[applause & cheering]

Announcer: From vegas to newfoundland,

The greatest hypnotist on earth!

Woo!

You know this is all a bunch of gobbledygook, don't ya?

Mom, it's not fake!

It's from las vegas!

Oh, jeez.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

Tonight, I invite you to free your subconscious

From the shackles that you yourself imprisoned it with.

But hudaro is nothing without volunteers.

So, audience, I ask you...

Who dare dares hudaro?

Woman: Ooh, ooh! Over here, over here!

Woman: Pick me, pick me!

Hudaro: You, ma'am! And you!

Woman: Me in the back! Mary: Mark!

Oh, you little shagger!

And one very enthusiastic boy, I see.

Adult mark: A stage!

It wasn't hudaro who had hypnotized me,

It was the audience!

[applause]

Welcome, st. John's!

I am the remarkable mark,

The impossi-boy-list.

I've never been so proud.

I coulda swore I wore pants.

[applause]

Hudaro: Hear only my voice...

Hearing only my voice...

Only my voice matters...

Adult mark: Concentration was never my thing.

I was too late.

Two, one, now listen to the music!

[music starts playing]

Because now you can play that musical instrument

That you have always wanted to play.

In fact, you're the best in the world!

So, play, my orchestra!

Play!

[applause & laughter]

Adult mark: I wasn't good at studying,

But I was a quick study.

Hudaro: That's it!

What beautiful music!

[laughter & applause]

Hudaro knows you are faking, boy,

Because a hypnotized subject never uses props.

Make a fool of me on my stage, and I will end you.

Beautiful music, no?

[applause & laughter continues]

Adult mark: I might not have been hypnotized,

But I would have done anything to stay on that stage.

Ah, so refreshing!

Adult mark: And I did.

You take a sip, mark.

Oh no, mark, that water is boiling hot!

Mark: Augh, augh! [audience laughter]

Now it is 140-proof screech!

Adult mark: The more I faked it,

The more hudaro loved it.

I started to wonder who was hypnotizing who