Original subtitles

This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature and contains some strong language.

I'm going to get married to a man

who treats me good and we're going to live somewhere...magic.

Bright colours everywhere, everybody goes,

"Oh, my God, that is a great house."

I might have kids, but I might not,

because Gran says they ruin your life.

SHE INHALES DEEPLY

- MUSIC: - Switch by Biig Piig - I had a dream, I was learning

Then your love took it from me

I had a dream, I was learning

Then your love took it from me

I had a dream, I was learning

Then your love took it from me

Ask me what I think I believe, I need to see you

Wait to let me answer

- You seek what I don't and I keep having to lead you... -

INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES

- I look fat! - I'm sure you don't, darling.

- Well, you are looking quite big. - Watch it.

I don't know.

It's a bit...

My arse looks gigantic.

Everybody wants giant arses these days. It's in.

Well, you're all right. You're flat as a pancake.

You've both got lovely arses.

- What about my wrinkles? - What wrinkles? - That's right!

KNOCK ON DOOR

- Who is it? - "Who is it?" Hang on.

HE GROANS

Dad?

- Just trying to use my X-ray vision there. - Jesus Christ...

No! You're going to have to get it. Go on, off my bed.

Spencer.

- Shannon. - You look nice.

- Your dad here? - Dad, it's Spencer!

- Tell him to pick up your gran. - Says pick up your gran.

- Can you tell him Sam's been trying him? - Sam's been calling you.

- About what? - About what?

- The Denson boy. - The Denson boy?

Tell him to pick up your gran and shut his mouth!

He says pick up my gran and shut your mouth.

Bye!

- All good? - Aye. LiAngelo and the boys, another robbery.

- We've seen boys like him come and go, haven't we? - Aye, we have.

- And tonight should send a message. - So, today... - The rules, yeah, go on.

Powder has to be done in the Portaloos,

and don't let Peter get into anything with anyone again.

Well, he's promised best behaviour. What do you call that?

Has your mum promised the same?

Well, there's lots of handsome men to keep her distracted.

Can you try and help Shannon?

- With what? - You know what. Stop scaring the boys away.

- She scares just as many away as I do! - Hmm... She's picky.

Here. Promise me...

She wants her own love story. What's wrong with that?

I just want her to make good choices.

- Aye, she will, if we give her a wee bit of space. - Aye.

Have you seen the choices she made in the past?

I like the kid she fell in love with at soft play.

He stuck his finger up her nose...

Did that justify the boys dragging him away? Hmm...

- She cried for days. - I gave the moppy-haired kid a chance.

Shannon said you stared at him all night.

- She was too young to go alone. - She was 16 and she really liked him.

I'm really trying. I've introduced her to some nice boys.

One - one boy, and you wanted him to date her

to climb the ranks with you.

THEY LAUGH

Your dad's promised best behaviour today.

No flirting with the men though, please.

They're all disgusting, Dad.

Your mum's probably slept with most of them.

You don't want to share an ex with your gran.

That ship has probably already sailed.

THEY GIGGLE

PORN PODCAST PLAYS

..she gasped when she saw the size of it.

With my forearms bulging,

I pushed her legs apart and shoved my loaded...

DOOR KNOCKS

..inside the wet folds...

PODCAST CUTS OFF

- MUSIC: - Don't Push It Don't Force It by Leon Haywood

Yeah, go and get yourself a drink...

He's handsome, our Dylan. Got that from me.

Mh-hm. Then he passed it on to me. GRAN CHUCKLES

Have you noticed that Eddie always smells like...like damp?

You know, I haven't had a ginger nut in quite a while...

Hmph! I think you need to go on a nut-free diet, Nan.

It's where I get all my protein!

I thought you would have got disinvited after last year!

Never got into his pants. Wouldn't want too!

I heard he got demoted, too.

- Pedo Pete. - Oh, never proven.

Doesn't do himself any favours, does he?

- Hot young piece of meat... - He's a bit of a wet blanket.

Christ! That arse...

You know, this is the first time he's been invited to anything.

Yeah, you can tell.

Sam... You know, I never got why Dad liked him.

He's a dull foot soldier, that one. Great in a pair of shorts, though.

So, who have you got your eye on tonight?

I thought you were usually a one and done, Nan.

Didn't quite...get it done.

You? Who's caught your eye?

No-one here. Dad would find a way to ruin it, anyway.

Good, you're too young.

Don't you get caught up in a fantasy like your mother.

Shannon! Come here.

A good service is all us women need. We don't need men for anything else.

- Perfect timing. - Oh, aye?

Aye, I just want to introduce you to a couple of people.

Jasper, this is my daughter. Shannon. Colin.

Jasper is in his second year at university.

He's studying to be an engineer.

That's nice.

And Colin owns quite a few local businesses. He's a good man.

Although... I've heard rumours he's been getting

a little bit more involved with that...Denson lad. LiAngelo.

- Is that right? - Seen at their garage, apparently.

No, I... haven't.

Shannon, your brother's getting in soon.

- Why don't you go pick him up? - Yeah...

- What were you doing at their garage? - I...I wasn't...I, er...

Come on! Don't act daft now.

The Denson lot are trying to take over

and you're meant to be my friend.

It's us or them.

You know that.

Go and enjoy the party. We'll talk again later.

- Arran. - Shannon.

- I feel under dressed. - Hey...

- Well, this train station has high standards. - Yeah, I see that.

- I just haven't been here for a while. - Where've you been?

You mean you can't hear the accent?

So do you think maybe I can get your number...

..or does this station have rules about that?

No. I mean, beyond the dress code it's pretty loose.

OK.

Shan!

Shan.

PHONE KEYS BEEP

Is that your boyfriend?

Mm-mm. Brother.

Was nice meeting you...

..Shannon.

- Who was that? - Don't know.

Do you want to consider finding a career

instead of another crush to break your heart?

Like going to university to work on strategies

to make offshore drilling more efficient?

You're such a hero.

Aww, I've missed you.

Stop it. You'll mess my hair up.

HE SIGHS

How big's this do then?

Big.

- Ah, tame, you think? - Ah, for now.

Well, I'm shattered and I've got an exam tomorrow.

I...I just want a lowkey night.

Right, well, then, you should've stayed at home.

Oh, you think Mum would have allowed that? Never.

Do you think Dad might ask me about work?

In the future?

Nah.

He wants you away from this world, not in it.

Did you do your make-up, by the way?

You look a bit like a raccoon.

Shut up!

CAR ENGINE STARTS

- Get yourself a drink. - Mum!

I met a boy.

What? Here?

No. It was when I went to get Luke. I saw him in town.

Anyway...

..I felt the spark.

What?

THEY LAUGH

Someone's broken something in there.

Oh, OK. Thanks, darling.

Right, let me sort this and then I want to hear all about it, OK?

Hey.

- University boy's back in town. - Happy birthday, Dad.

Wasn't sure you'd make it.

I wasn't sure either. Big exam tomorrow.

You ready for it?

Yeah. Yeah, course.

- Who don't you know? - Um... - Spencer's new.

Spencer.

Luke.

Brains of the family.

Oh... Only a bit.

You didn't make the first move, did you?

Good to let them make the first move.

Men like to take charge.

What if I don't see him again?

Hmm... You will. It's a small town.

The way he acted, it was...

..it was different.

He was...he was gentle.

You're smitten.

I am.

I know that feeling.

Tell me again how you met Dad.

Then back to the party?

Then back to the party.

Well, we were young.

Really young.

Your grandad was having a party,

and my family knew him well,

so I was dragged along kicking and screaming.

As soon as I got there, I just....

..felt this pull towards him.

He was...

..beautiful.

I mean...

SHE LAUGHS

..he still is. But I just couldn't keep my eyes off him.

He played it more casual till later in the night.

Wee glances, he didn't think I noticed.

Then his dad introduced us,

and made a joke that we'd probably end up marrying each other one day.

And then...

..we were dancing.

Danced all night.

Best friends from that day.

LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

CROWD CHATTERS

What did you get Dad?

Massage.

For the stress.

You think Mum's going to let another woman touch Dad?

For relaxation purposes.

Worried he's going to have a heart attack one of these days.

GUESTS CHEER AND APPLAUD

Thanks for coming. All of yous.

Right, before we get started,

Cat just wanted me to remind everyone about the powder.

LAUGHTER

In the Portaloos only, please. Yeah?

We were cleaning up after you for weeks last time.

Listen, it's been a good year.

So let's raise a glass...

..to another strong one.

GUESTS CHEER

To my Cat...

..for keeping us all fed and in line. To Cat.

GUESTS: To Cat.

Right, enough of that.

Party games!

CHEERING

We're going to head off now, Dyl.

Stick around for the games, pal.

This way, boys.

Right.

I'm thinking

we start with...

..you.

SCATTERED OOHING

- Oh, Boss, I'm not much of a... - You'll be fine, pal.

Let's find you an opponent.

SCATTERED OOHING

Er...

..you.

LOUD OOHING

CROWD CLAPS AND CHEERS

Party games!

Father and son.

People would pay hundreds to watch this.

Come on.

Come on!

CROWD SHOUTS

PUNCH THUDS

BACKGROUND NOISE FADES OUT

MUSIC SWELLS

I'm not in love

So don't forget it

It's just a silly phase I'm going through

And just because

I call you up

Don't get me wrong

Don't think you've got it made

I'm not in love

No, no

It's because.

CROWD SHOUTS LOUDLY, MEN GRUNT

Shannon.

Look, I...I'm heading.

Why?

Call me if you need me, yeah?

Luke.

Where are you going?

I don't want to ruin the night, Ma.

I'll see you for dinner in a few weeks.

But why are you leaving?

You've not had anything to eat, or...

Or watched Dad set enough men on each other?

- It's just party games. - Party games, Mum? Come on!

Colin's been speaking to the Densons.

Your dad's just trying to keep us safe.

I'll chat to you in the week, OK?

Do you want a lift to the station? Eddie or...

I'll walk.

- Let me get you some cake. - Mum, I... - Just wait a sec..

CUTLERY CLINKS

There you go.

See you later.

DOOR SHUTS

Where's Luke?

Oh, had to head home, revise for his exam.

Every time you get too close I run, I run away

And every time you say the words I don't know what to say

Back, back to the beginnin' Really wish that I could change

I do, I do

Every time you get too close I run, I run away

And every time you say the words I don't know what to say

Back, back to the beginnin' Really wish that I could change

I do, I do, I do

I blame it on your love

Every time I fuck it up

I blame it on your

Love, I do

I blame it on your love

I can't help it, I can't stop

I blame it on your

Love, I do

I blame it on your love

Every time I fuck it up

I blame it on your

Love, I do

I blame it on your love

I can't help it, I can't stop

I blame it on your

Love, I

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

MUSIC CONTINUES

SHE GASPS

- Armed police! - Police!

- Stay where you are! - Hands on your head. - Armed police!

Are yous here to sing me happy birthday?

- Police! - Show us your hands!

I've got the one with the lazy eye.

Hands where I can see them!

SHE GROANS

Were you in your REM sleep?

- I was. - Mm.

You're going to be knackered all day then.

I know.

You've not been doing your skincare.

There's 12 steps to it.

12 steps to greatness!

PHONE RINGS

DISTANT SIRENS

SHE TAKES A BREATH

Hi.

It's who?

Oh, yeah. Train station boy. Hi.

INDISTINCT VOICE ON PHONE

Um...at home.

Don't eat breakfast.

Uh...yeah, I could spare an hour.

OK. Yeah.

See you there.

- Was it him? - Mm-hm.

He wants to meet in an hour.

Yes!

- OK, tell me. - OK. - OK.

- You still smell good. - Mm-hm.

- Put your hair up, show off your jawline. - Yeah.

Give your face a wee splash of water.

Go, go, go. I'll get the car.

TOILET FLUSHES

DOOR OPENS

You, uh...you're not supposed to be here.

Why not?

It's officers only.

SHE SNORTS

They recruiting kids now?

They are, you cheeky git. What, are you, um...

..considering a career change or something?

Aye, there's loads of transferrable skills, no?

- Are you nervous? - No.

I'm excited!

Don't be too keen.

You're a busy girl. Lots of options.

Does my breath smell if he tries to kisses me?

SHE EXHALES

No, it's good.

There he is.

Get in the car.

Get in the fucking car!

That's Arran Denson.

He's LiAngelo's brother.

Those boys have been causing your dad so much trouble.

Not him, Shannon. Anyone but him!

Don't mention this.

- Do you understand? - Mm-hm.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

What's gone and been and happened here?

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

What's gone and been and happened here?

Started with a bang

Ended with a kiss

The middle's all a muddle

Got lost in the abyss

Started with a bang, bang

Ended with a kiss

The middle's all a muddle

Got lost in the abyss

I know, you know, we know

What's gonna happen

Straight through the night

Back on the wagon

Fires in your eyes but it's not gonna happen

I could feel it all end

By the end of the cigarette packet

I could feel it all end by the end of the cigarette

Feel it all end by the end of the cigarette packet

I could feel it all end by the end of the

I know, you know, we know

What's gonna happen

Straight through the night

Back on the wagon

Fires in your eyes but it's never gonna happen

I could feel it all end

By the end of the cigarette packet

Feel it all end by the end

- Ci-ci-ci-cigarette packet - Feel it all end by the end

Cigarette packet.

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