All language subtitles for LOL.Last.One.Laughing.Germany.S05E03.GERMAN.WEBRip.AMZN.en

Who laughed this time?

Now it's one thing after another.

Goodness.

A man, a woman, lie in their bed.

It's somewhat funny.

Let's continue with information.
We'll look at the weather.

Ladies and gentlemen, the fun continues.

Something is happening.

-One moment.
-Something's coming.

Bully's Puppet Box.

-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.

The international weather.

-Poland...
-Oh.

We just wished, "Let it be over".

The Polish capital was surprised recently
by short and strong rainfalls.

It wasn't a surprise,
because it was... "War-showers".

After that, the "War-showers"
had a few Krakow sausages,

which is Ouzo in Poland.

Greece. By the way, hello, everybody.

My name is Kalispera.

Great wave of heat in Athens
in the Sea of Mediterranean.

The old town is moist and humid,
a real plague.

Temperatures so high,
so high that everyone "creaks".

It's so hot even the kebab
is screaming bloody murder.

And who foretold all of this?

Right, Greta.

Italy.

Roma, the Pope, the il Papa,

was in a severe hailstorm

without his cowl.

The Popee is now suffering from the cold.

Or as we say, he's now a Pope-sicle.

Radio with us, Kiss FM 99.6,

featuring Bonny Lopez
e Discoteca Space...

Bravo.

Gracias y buenas noches.

I'll go get some cake.

-Yes, cake now. Coffee and cake.
-Oh, boy.

Can we get some?

-What are you getting?
-I need to get something.

-You too?
-Yes, I want to do something.

Four in the locker room.

Get out there again...

I'd take a cup of coffee, or wine.

Where do you get these things?

-If...
-Otto is coming. Oh, God.

Oh, Otto is coming. Is that Otto?

-Dear God.
-That'll be the end of me.

Otto... That didn't bode well.

Malevolent, mean,
treacherous Otto Waalkes.

Hamburg...

wind speed 12.

Hamburg, wind speed 12...

My hair is soft.

London. Changing flights in the rain...

My hair is soft.

Helsinki. I'm in the men's sauna...

All is stiff, but my hair is soft.

Bravo.

Otto could've read us the phone book or,
I don't know, decorated a wall,

I didn't listen to what he was doing, as
it was Otto 2.50 meters in front of us.

Short gags are important. Did you notice?

-Great.
-It's all happening, dude.

I keep touching my head. I'm so stupid.

I don't quite comprehend
this unreal situation, you know.

You mustn't look at it
from your point of view,

-but mine.
-Yeah.

I said I'd like to do LOL again

and asked, "Is Otto coming?"

I want to get as close as I can
when you're performing.

-Nice flattery. You like it?
-Rest doesn't matter.

-That's how you have to look at it.
-Peace and harmony.

Peeing and harmonicas.

He gets it out and says, "Yeah..."
I can't deal with it.

Don't just pull stuff from your pocket.

-Is that not allowed?
-It is.

-I knew that...
-I can't take it

when he has items in his pocket.

-What about the coffee?
-I'll go get it.

It was so...

Time to go blue again.

-Oh, it's them again.
-Oh, no.

-Enjoy.
-Enjoy.

They looked at us as if they were saying,
"There is a seat for you."

I was thinking,
"I can't do that or I'll laugh."

Who are they looking at?

-I'm not wearing my glasses.
-Ralf. Go there.

-Are they looking at me?
-Olaf.

You, Olaf.

I really thought they were looking at me.

And as if attracted by magic,
I went to them.

Was that a mistake?

Oh, God, that's weird.

That's not good.

I don't know if Olaf Schubert is
in cahoots with them,

or if he just trying
to fit in to the scenery in slow-motion?

-Oh, boy.
-I don't like that.

That's not good.

-Was that planned with Olaf?
-No.

That's so sweet.

I thought I'd shit myself.

Don't cut that out. It has to be said.

I thought I'd drop a deuce
in my undergarments.

That was the nicest...

round of coffee I've ever had.

Okay, the skit is over.

The aliens have claimed a laughing victim.

-God...
-Oh, God.

-The bald head... The thing...
-Yeah.

-With the fire extinguisher.
-The horror.

-I nearly shat my pants.
-But the cap too.

Since you all were paying attention,
I'd like do know

if you have a hunch?

I can't tell.

I know how I felt
when the fire extinguisher went off,

but I can't tell you
what my face looked like then.

-Let's take a look together.
-Okay.

I thought I was getting torn apart.

The fire extinguisher skit,
nobody saw that coming...

Okay, fine.

Oh, damn.

DAMN!

Quick status report.

Hazel, Michael Kessler, Ralf Schmitz,
and I still have our two lives.

Then you start to panic and think,
"A lot of us still have two lives.

"There's still a long way to go."

Charlie Chaplin once said,

"A day without laughter isn't a real day."

They didn't have LOL though.

Does that sound
trigger your entire body, too?

-What body?
-Your body.

It's exhausting.

I need a calorie counter to see
how much energy I've burned

with this nonsense.

Who put that there?

-Probably your mother.
-It's funny.

-Funny.
-She usually...

-Is it just as big?
-What was your worst nickname?

-Yours is bigger.
-Mine's bigger?

It was really big.

Not so loud.

You just can't escape
the entertainment here.

Dear friends, it's been a few years
since I won season one.

Since then, I was cryogenically frozen,
I didn't read the contract, but I'm back.

In order to tie up some loose ends,

I've got one or two questions

that weren't fully answered
in the first season.

-Yeah.
-Like,

what's up with...

Kurt Krömer's dog.

Kurt gifted me the picture of the dog
after the first season.

I kept it at home

until I thought, "If I come back,
the dog is also coming back."

Dear friends,
fellow roommates of any gender.

We know little about him.

He was born on the same day
and in the same hospital as Kurt,

but there are still loose ends.

So, who is this animal
that makes our eyes feel so restless?

We see an amalgamation
of several dog breeds.

He's part Jack Reacher Terrier,

part Australian Shepherd,
also a pinch of Dachshund.

He's a crossbreed,
and boy, what a crossbreed he is.

The breeder was so ahead of his time,

it still hasn't arrived yet.

This proud carnivore has
a normal name, by the way.

Jan Bolle Escobar III.

An animal in great shape. Oblong.

Bolle Escobar's father, a very clumsy
Joe Cocker Spaniel

named Uwe Rammelmeier Corazon...

chased after tractors
until they were out of sight.

But one day he lost 0-1 against
a 7.5 ton opponent.

It's a mix of the visual and the words.

The dog looks totally crazy.

Torsten is standing there
giving a serious speech.

Jan Bolle Escobar was different.

When he picked up a trail,
then only on video.

As we know, he is no more. Dead.

I'd like to ask for a second of silence.

Twenty-one.

Thank you very much.

Just a quick interruption.

I was trying to help her. You see how I...

Yes, heroically, he jumped in front...

Yes, the dog skit.

It's me. Because of a dog,

I lost my first life because of a dog.

-I forget it all if there is a dog.
-The forgetting happened before.

A nasty trap.

-But you've still got one.
-Yeah.

You're brave.

OH DEAR!

No!

It's spread out nicely.

They all started losing their first lives.
That was good.

Except for Ina and Elyas.

Hey, my dears.

Three, two, one, good luck.

-Oh, God.
-Hello.

What's this?

-Do I look older?
-No.

-But?
-Just stays the same.

Same?

Are you near or far-sighted?

Clear-sighted.

You look a little like Elyas M'Barek.

Okay.

-Is that Hazel?
-Yeah.

Didn't you used to have a boyfriend?

-Uh, yeah.
-Your own?

-From the Baltic Sea?
-From the beach in Hiddensee.

Yeah.

Olaf lives in his own world.

If you were to open up his head

and take a look at how he's wired, then...

A facility manager would say,
"Impossible to get it fixed."

Can you tell I'm a woman now?
Can you tell?

Not at all.

-How can't you tell?
-Because of the shoes.

Yeah? Oh, shoes tell the truth.

Looked good on him.
He should wear it more often, I think.

It's not easy to breathe with this.

-It's closing off the nose, right?
-Yeah...

It's tricky.

Water. Water.

Perhaps we can drink away
the urge to laugh.

-Yes, that works.
-Wash it away.

-Surely.
-Yeah.

Who's behind it?

-Yes, there...
-No clue.

We've got a hunch. Careful, the monitor.

Sorry, everything is going sideways.

I don't know where the next skit
is coming from.

My recommendation,
sit down and don't let on.

-Oh, no.
-Wow.

Ladies and Gentlemen

Please welcome one of the biggest
stars of our time.

She's the queen of synth pop.

And she's the biggest songwriter
of our century.

The icon of a whole generation.

Prepare to be entertained by the unique,

magnificent,

unmatched queen of the Kick Ball Change.

-Here's...
-This is what I feared.

...Mandy!

Mandy sounds like she's unintentionally
sucking up a wig.

What rhymes with Mandy?

Handy!

Martina as Mandy is a ticking time bomb.

Now that I'm in such a good mood,

-I'd like to sing...
-No!

...a ballad for you.

Please don't.

This song is really deep.

Because I wrote it
in an underground car park.

It's called...

"Feel the Electric Screwdriver,
Caution Step."

I could not listen,
the title alone almost had me.

Ouch, ouch
Ouch, ouch

The electric screwdriver screams
Ouch, ouch

No pain, no gain

And if it doesn't work
Just turn

Go, go, Gadgeto arms

If things don't work out

Here's a little tip from me

Just turn like around like a kebab skewer

And say, "Goodbye"

Cheese has no mothers

But it does have a lot of Feta

What a gag
But you won't get it until later

Laughter is the best medicine

Or just take penicillin

But take the whole box

Mandy knows how it goes

Thank you!

Goodbye!

Close the curtain-thingy.

-The Feta joke was awesome.
-The Feta joke.

-That was weird.
-Yeah.

-Really weird.
-I didn't get it.

Success has many fathers.

-Oh, I see.
-Greek restaurants.

Great song, great vocals,
great performance.

That's a real earworm. A phenomenal hook.

A little bit like Rod Stewart.

-Where are the others?
-The only one missing...

Olaf is missing?

-Olaf?
-It'll be a long night.

Look.

-Nice.
-Great hair.

-Does that fit?
-Totally.

Cool.

-Looking good.
-Pretty.

Suits you. Finally some hair.

What was up, Olaf?

Olaf Schubert is like smelly cheese.

I mean that in a positive way.

It's almost too much,
but it feels just right.

I thought it would be great
if we got to know each other

-during speed dating.
-Yeah.

I like it. Nice.

Two have to take a seat.

I've brought some pick-up lines.

I bet you did.

You talk until you feel a certain spark

or the egg timer goes off.

Then we look to see
who of us would go well together.

-I like it.
-Ideally, we can then form

friendships and relationships
that go on after the show.

-That, too.
-Speaking of good sex.

-Did you say that?
-No.

-No...
-Interesting objection.

What do you want to show?
What can you do?

I always have sex with the lights on.

-I'm afraid to be in the dark alone.
-Yeah.

We'll try to talk
and be as sexy as possible.

-Okay.
-Okay?

A sure-fire success.

I've written these and used these
to meet people,

-but...
-Yeah.

I'm pregnant,
so I don't need anything else.

Hi, I know you.

You're the candy in "eye candy."

Would you like some cheese?

Why? Do you sometimes smell like cheese?

I like that you talk the way I do.

-You're very adaptable.
-Yes, I'm not good at it,

but I always try.

That Swiss German really sounds
kind of grotesque.

Redeemer, gosh, golly,

you're really good at making
your vocal chords flap.

-I don't understand a word.
-Yeah.

I'm rather thankful for that.

You're like Bully in the Control Room.

A real eye-catcher.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

It wasn't me.

I was like, "Think, think.
What did you do?" Body scan.

I have no idea.

-It really suits you.
-Yeah?

-I'd leave it like that.
-Thank you.

-The color matches your outfit.
-Okay.

-So...
-What?

-When you perform...
-Yeah?

...you expose yourself to danger.
We'll show you.

What?

-What's up with you?
-It's really tough now.

That was a molecule of friendliness.

Yes.

A molecule of friendliness.

I can't remember the last time

I had to laugh so long and heartily.

-I'll take you.
-Thank you.

Make it a little easier on Hazel.

So, yeah.

Little Hazel got caught.

If you set a trap for others,
don't get caught in it yourself.

I was so happy
to bring love to the people.

Then I got the cold shower.

So, let's do another round.

-Okay, then...
-Are we continuing?

We're continuing now, yeah.
You can date each other now,

I'd like to check out
the chemistry between you all.

Ralf, you start.

-Olaf?
-Yeah.

The truth is coming out.

-I wanted to tell you for so long.
-Yeah?

By the way, I'm not Olaf,
my name is Chesney Hawkes.

Dear Chesney...

-I wanted to...
-My dear!

-Excuse me?
-Dearest. Chesney Hawkes

-is a man.
-What did I say?

-"Dear Chesney."
-Nonsense.

Dear Chesney, formerly known as Olaf...

Olaf Schubert...

I'd like to tape a late night show
with you, if you catch...

my drift.

Widwiu.

-Was that English?
-No.

Widwiu. I'm so bad at whistling.

It breaks my heart.

The speed dating deals a sweeping blow.

How can Ralf and I find each other
if there is a constant upheaval.

Seriously?

What's wrong now?

Is our rendezvous being attacked?

This game is so dangerous.
What did you instigate there?

-It's dangerous.
-Especially instigated.

-Yeah.
-Bully, the old passion killer.

-It's incredible.
-I'm sorry,

but everybody else is in danger too.
Let me show you.

If I see my face again...

Translated by John TurnerZ