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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,416 [upbeat music playing] 2 00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,208 ? American dreamers ? 3 00:00:05,291 --> 00:00:07,708 -[laughing] -[fireworks squealing and popping] 4 00:00:07,791 --> 00:00:11,625 -? American dreamers made us free... -[truck horn honking] 5 00:00:11,708 --> 00:00:13,833 -[fireworks exploding] -Hi, Dan. It's Kevin. 6 00:00:13,916 --> 00:00:16,250 Happy... Fourth of July. 7 00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:18,750 [Dan] Kev. How you holding up? I know today sucks for you. 8 00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:22,458 Yeah, how about that. Any chance you want to maybe do our old routine 9 00:00:22,541 --> 00:00:24,791 where you shield me from the terrors of this upsetting holiday? 10 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:27,166 Aw, man, I wish I could, bud. 11 00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:30,000 But I'm at Universal Studios for my mom's bachelorette party. 12 00:00:30,083 --> 00:00:33,416 Right. Tell Kathy I think it's okay that she's marrying a former student. 13 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,250 I-I got to go, Kev. Ma! 14 00:00:35,333 --> 00:00:37,750 Stop flirting with the Sorting Hat. There's no guy in there. 15 00:00:37,833 --> 00:00:39,541 -[laughing] -[loud explosion] 16 00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:41,375 [yells, whimpers] 17 00:00:42,458 --> 00:00:43,791 -[screeching] -Calm down, friends. 18 00:00:43,875 --> 00:00:46,666 -I-I understand you're all on edge. -[dogs whining] 19 00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:48,125 Then what are you gonna do about it, Seth? 20 00:00:48,208 --> 00:00:50,250 My people had a plan for this. 21 00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:54,041 [Dan] Here's another cushion, bud. 22 00:00:54,125 --> 00:00:55,541 You won't hear a thing in there. 23 00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:58,000 -Do you want me to sing your song? -Yeah. 24 00:00:58,083 --> 00:00:59,958 -? Kevin is so brave ? -[fireworks popping] 25 00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:02,375 ? He's such a strong big boy ? 26 00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:06,333 ? The fireworks are loud, but he's got his big boy toys ?? 27 00:01:06,416 --> 00:01:08,541 Mm. Keep going. This song slaps. 28 00:01:08,625 --> 00:01:11,000 I mean, at least distract us with a certified bop. 29 00:01:11,083 --> 00:01:12,625 -Kevin, it's okay. -[animals barking and whining] 30 00:01:12,708 --> 00:01:15,708 Furrever Friends has a foolproof firework routine. 31 00:01:15,791 --> 00:01:18,791 -Medicine Time. -[bell rings] 32 00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:21,166 -[dog whining] -[Seth] Here comes the big pills. 33 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:23,708 One pill each! This shit ain't cheap. 34 00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:25,958 You all heard her. One pill each. 35 00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:29,500 That's the rule, and we all respect that rule. 36 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:31,083 No apple juice for me. 37 00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:33,625 I swallow pills like an adult. 38 00:01:33,708 --> 00:01:36,625 This is it? This is your plan? What are you giving us? 39 00:01:36,708 --> 00:01:39,958 Claw-nopin. It's a heavy-duty sedative that came out 40 00:01:40,041 --> 00:01:43,750 after that chimp "allegedly" ripped that lady's face off. 41 00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:47,250 Chimp pills, huh? That's probably gonna be stronger than half a Benadryl, right? 42 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,000 Kevin, just let Seth knock you out. 43 00:01:49,083 --> 00:01:50,541 It's the Fourth of July for fuck's sake. 44 00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:52,625 You don't want to be awake for this shit. 45 00:01:52,708 --> 00:01:53,958 -[loud explosions] -[Seth yelling] 46 00:01:54,041 --> 00:01:55,291 [cats screeching] 47 00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:56,791 -Aah. -Oh. 48 00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,916 Gross. I hate this holiday. 49 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,291 Just give me the chimp pill. Give it to me. Give me the thing. 50 00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:04,750 And I-I need the apple juice to wash it down. Sorry. 51 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,250 [Cupcake with British accent] Out of my way, bruv. 52 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,458 -[whimsical music playing] -It's Little Pip the Chim-in-nee Cat. 53 00:02:08,541 --> 00:02:10,500 Oh, come on. There's no way he falls for this. 54 00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,250 Little Pip! 55 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,875 We haven't seen you since the last Fourth of July. 56 00:02:14,958 --> 00:02:18,916 Please, sir. May I have two more pills for me mum and dad? 57 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,500 I thought you were an orphan, Little Pip. 58 00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:21,750 [regular voice] Give Little Pip her drugs! 59 00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:22,666 [yells] 60 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:27,458 ? I'm coming home, I'm coming home ? 61 00:02:27,541 --> 00:02:30,833 ? Ooh ? 62 00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:35,375 ? I'm coming home, I'm coming home ? 63 00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:38,166 ? Ooh ? 64 00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:39,541 ? I'm coming home ? 65 00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:43,875 ? I'm coming home, but I'm gonna roam ? 66 00:02:43,958 --> 00:02:46,083 ? out on my own ? 67 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,208 ? Till you're home with me ?? 68 00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:51,291 [Kevin] I'm Kevin. 69 00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,583 [fireworks popping and squealing] 70 00:02:54,666 --> 00:02:58,458 Wow. It ended with her buying this hat. 71 00:02:58,541 --> 00:03:00,375 Hey, do you mind if I borrow this bed pan? 72 00:03:00,458 --> 00:03:05,125 I'm about to go live, and I make a few extra stacks if I piss on camera. 73 00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:09,708 That is a Tibetan sound bowl given to me by the Dalai Lama. 74 00:03:09,791 --> 00:03:10,916 [laughing] Of course you can piss in it. 75 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,333 -Ooh. -[clangs] 76 00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:16,500 Blindfold and butt plugs? Did you set up an OnlyFans, too? 77 00:03:16,583 --> 00:03:19,875 That's an eye mask, and those are ear plugs. 78 00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:23,333 Okay, but you know, anything can be a butt plug if you believe in yourself. 79 00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:27,125 No, no, no. I took the Claw-nopin in order to abandon reality, 80 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,541 like my theater company abandoned me. 81 00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:33,708 And I'm using these to lucid dream. 82 00:03:33,791 --> 00:03:35,875 Armani, as a friend, 83 00:03:35,958 --> 00:03:38,916 I don't think it's a good idea for you to turn to drugs 84 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,541 when you're in such a bad headspace. 85 00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:43,833 [both laughing] 86 00:03:43,916 --> 00:03:46,541 -Ooh, yeah, full of shit, I know. I know. -You almost had me there. 87 00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:49,625 -[bell rings] -Oh. Little Pip's dose just kicked in. 88 00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:52,958 And just in time for me to start streaming. 89 00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:54,833 -[beeps] -Hold on to your dicks, y'all. 90 00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:57,875 This cat's about to go limp. 91 00:03:57,958 --> 00:04:00,291 [dinging] 92 00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,208 Stick me in a fucking crate, treating me like a guinea pig. 93 00:04:02,291 --> 00:04:04,791 -I ain't no fucking guinea pig. -Brandi, uh, 94 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:08,875 wouldn't you be more comfortable upstairs in the home that we share? 95 00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:11,000 Why? So you can shove me in a crate again? 96 00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:13,833 Treating me like some Shelly Miscavige. Whatever her name is. 97 00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:16,207 Hashtag "where's Shelly?" I'm Shelly. 98 00:04:16,291 --> 00:04:20,250 Brandi, I had no choice but to crate you, okay? There was an outbreak. 99 00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:21,791 You know what I think? 100 00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:24,916 You're only in this rescue game for the money and the power. 101 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,875 You call this rescue? You don't rescue nobody. 102 00:04:28,957 --> 00:04:31,416 -[snoring] -Oh, no, she didn't. 103 00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,541 I care deeply about our furry friends. 104 00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:35,541 Seth is dead. Ain't nobody know it was me. 105 00:04:35,625 --> 00:04:37,832 Gonna put him in an ugly-ass casket. 106 00:04:37,916 --> 00:04:41,500 Oh. You might be murdering me in your dreams right now, sweetie. 107 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:45,832 But by the time you wake, my honor will be restored. 108 00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:48,082 [hopeful, soaring music playing] 109 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,916 [gruff voice] I'm gonna save every runaway dog in New York City. 110 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,416 [fireworks squealing and popping] 111 00:04:56,500 --> 00:05:01,083 Right after I drop off this flag cake at Aunt Joy's extended care facility. 112 00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:02,666 Peter! 113 00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,875 -You're awake, too? -Of course. 114 00:05:04,958 --> 00:05:08,208 When others are sleeping, rats are gaining upper hands. 115 00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:11,291 -Well, I'm saying no to drugs. -[snoring] 116 00:05:11,375 --> 00:05:13,416 I'm a proud member of the organization 117 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,250 Cats Uniting Mammals To Ultimately Resist Drugs. 118 00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:17,791 [knocking] 119 00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:19,166 -[Mama] Peter? -Mama? 120 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:22,832 [with accent] Help your papa pull luggage out of floorboard. 121 00:05:22,916 --> 00:05:26,375 Ooh. Are your mommy and daddy visiting for the holiday? 122 00:05:26,457 --> 00:05:29,082 Judy, please, privacy for me and my family. 123 00:05:29,166 --> 00:05:31,416 I'm not even here. 124 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:32,666 I'm here. 125 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,791 Mama, Papa, how was your airplane ride? 126 00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:38,625 -[with accent] Long. -This where Peter live? 127 00:05:38,707 --> 00:05:41,541 Ugh. It's so... clean. 128 00:05:42,582 --> 00:05:44,625 This just where Peter sleep. 129 00:05:44,707 --> 00:05:47,625 Peter live in the city. 130 00:05:47,707 --> 00:05:50,541 -[fireworks popping] -I'm so excited to show you my New York. 131 00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:53,250 -No. - Your father buy ticket on computer 132 00:05:53,332 --> 00:05:55,541 -for Fatberg tour. -[Peter] Ugh. 133 00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:58,082 Giant clump of floating trash in sewer? 134 00:05:58,166 --> 00:05:59,957 That's for tourists, Mama. 135 00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:02,208 Oh, come on. You were tourist once. 136 00:06:02,291 --> 00:06:05,000 You beg Mama for photo at M&M store. 137 00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:07,708 And I confront you now so we can enjoy tour later. 138 00:06:07,791 --> 00:06:09,416 Do you find real job yet? 139 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:12,250 More important, did you find rat wife yet? 140 00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:17,332 Uh... yes. But tonight, you know, my wife, she is, uh-- 141 00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:18,666 [Judy] Right here. 142 00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:20,207 Honey. 143 00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:21,625 Y-Yes. 144 00:06:21,707 --> 00:06:24,875 This is my wife, Jud... mila. 145 00:06:24,957 --> 00:06:26,416 Surprise. 146 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,291 So lovely to meet you, Mama. 147 00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,541 Can I call you Mama? 148 00:06:29,625 --> 00:06:33,332 This new wife of yours... is rat? 149 00:06:33,416 --> 00:06:34,875 -[sniffing] -Of course. 150 00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:37,541 Judmila is New York City rat. 151 00:06:37,625 --> 00:06:39,250 As big as they come. 152 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:42,332 Hmm. Peter has big wife. 153 00:06:42,416 --> 00:06:44,500 Nice. 154 00:06:44,582 --> 00:06:46,041 [snoring] 155 00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:49,166 -[fireworks exploding] -[yells, mutters] 156 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:51,750 -Oh, my God. Did you guys hear that? Aah. -[dinging] 157 00:06:51,832 --> 00:06:53,457 At least someone's having a good night. 158 00:06:53,541 --> 00:06:56,207 -[Cupcake snoring] -"Who is this uggo?" 159 00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,750 "Boo awake cat." 160 00:06:57,832 --> 00:06:59,166 "Move and die, awake cat." 161 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,041 -Oh, okay. [screams] -[explosion] 162 00:07:01,125 --> 00:07:02,208 [whimpering] 163 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:05,500 Stupid Seth and his janky shelter. 164 00:07:05,583 --> 00:07:07,291 I need more chimp pill. 165 00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:09,458 -[whimpers] -Happy Independence Day, Kevin. 166 00:07:09,541 --> 00:07:11,625 -[slow, ominous music playing] -Shit. Is this a side effect? 167 00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:14,125 Oh, God, I'm gonna rip somebody's face off. 168 00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:16,457 I would never do that, and neither would you. 169 00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:18,041 Because we're the same. 170 00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:20,291 I wouldn't say the same, 'cause you have... 171 00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,875 What are those called again? 172 00:07:21,957 --> 00:07:24,457 Cum gutters, Kevin. Thanks for noticing. 173 00:07:24,541 --> 00:07:26,541 I mean, the eyes just go right there, so... 174 00:07:26,625 --> 00:07:28,582 Wait. Who are you? 175 00:07:28,666 --> 00:07:31,916 I'm you if you had done the smart thing and stayed with Dana. 176 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,916 -[upbeat music playing] -Oh, shut up, no. 177 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,750 Is that a lime-washed litter box by TOTO? 178 00:07:35,832 --> 00:07:37,707 The new one? With the heated sand? 179 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,000 Oh, I got to do my business in that. 180 00:07:40,082 --> 00:07:43,000 Well... Well, then what are you waiting for, cowboy? 181 00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:45,457 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 182 00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:47,416 Aah. Shit. Why does this hurt so much? 183 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,957 [yelling] 184 00:07:50,041 --> 00:07:52,000 [fireworks popping] 185 00:07:52,082 --> 00:07:53,291 [snoring] 186 00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:54,957 [sign buzzing] 187 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:58,125 [slow jazz playing] 188 00:07:58,207 --> 00:07:59,625 Champagne. 189 00:07:59,707 --> 00:08:01,125 [magical chiming] 190 00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:05,291 Ah. I love lucid dreaming. 191 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:09,708 What fantasy shall I indulge in tonight? 192 00:08:09,791 --> 00:08:13,458 Oh. Should I journey to Planet MacLaine? 193 00:08:13,541 --> 00:08:15,708 No, I don't trust a group of Shirley MacLaines 194 00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:17,750 to figure out running water. 195 00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:21,000 Ah, yes. 196 00:08:21,082 --> 00:08:22,832 This is the one. 197 00:08:23,875 --> 00:08:25,332 [whirring] 198 00:08:26,791 --> 00:08:29,625 [slow, gentle music playing] 199 00:08:29,707 --> 00:08:33,165 [wind blowing] 200 00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,165 [speaking Italian] So peaceful 201 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,457 No distractions 202 00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:41,375 No horses 203 00:08:41,457 --> 00:08:42,915 [horse neighing] 204 00:08:46,665 --> 00:08:48,583 Armani! 205 00:08:48,665 --> 00:08:52,625 You want to watch me fuck these horses on top of some grapes? Squish, squish. 206 00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:54,625 -[boing] -[neighing] 207 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,958 Hey, I'm supposed to be in control. 208 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,750 Why am I dreaming about you? 209 00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:00,541 Me in your dream? 210 00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:01,833 Ooh, you know what that means. 211 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,750 You were the last face I saw before I fell asleep? 212 00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:06,416 You want to fuck me. 213 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,416 [scoffs] We both know that's not true. 214 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,500 Well, I think Freud would disagree. 215 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,750 As he famously postulated in his early clinical work, 216 00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:17,250 "If you dream about a cutie, you want the booty." 217 00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:20,208 -I'm more of a Jungian. -Ah, yes, Jung. 218 00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:24,541 "If they infiltrate your mind, you want to hit it from behind." 219 00:09:26,208 --> 00:09:27,333 What the...? 220 00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:32,583 Armando, you have officially lost control of this lucid dream. 221 00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,083 -[fireworks popping] -[grand, majestic music playing] 222 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,750 [distant crying] 223 00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,083 [whimpering] 224 00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:41,375 [gruff voice] I'm here to save you. 225 00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:43,458 No way. Get away from me, man. 226 00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:44,958 [regular voice] Oh, no. Is the voice scaring you? 227 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,290 -I'm gonna drop it. It hurts my throat. -[whimpers] 228 00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:51,000 Nobody can help me. We're all gonna die, man! 229 00:09:51,083 --> 00:09:52,665 Hush now, little wiener. 230 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,708 Hide inside my bosom. 231 00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:57,165 -And let me-- [yells] -[bottle rocket squealing] 232 00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:59,165 -Oh, dear. My readers. -[whimpering] 233 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,000 My readers are on the ground! 234 00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:02,500 [screaming] 235 00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:05,708 Ow! Aah. Why did that hurt so much? 236 00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:06,791 I think that says something about you. 237 00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:09,916 When I go through, it feels, ooh, great. 238 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,541 -So where are we? -You're home. 239 00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,666 -[soft music playing] -[Kevin] Dana, 240 00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:17,875 your new place is amazing. 241 00:10:17,958 --> 00:10:19,458 It's your place too, silly. 242 00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:23,125 Ooh, and you got a special delivery today. 243 00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:25,750 [gasps] It's another UPS box. 244 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:28,125 -For me to sit in. -You can add that one 245 00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:31,041 -to your dope collection. -Wowee zowee. 246 00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:33,665 Hold on. You two got back together? 247 00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:36,125 Of course, silly. We're married. 248 00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:39,625 Your genius idea to google "couples therapists" totally fixed us. 249 00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:42,290 -Genius. -So... we want to thank you 250 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,415 with a private concert from Pavement. 251 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,875 Shut up. When? 252 00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:47,083 Right now. 253 00:10:47,165 --> 00:10:50,165 Kevin, you deserve this. 254 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,125 Fuck yeah, I do. You're Pavement. 255 00:10:52,208 --> 00:10:53,500 -Whoo! -[playing upbeat tune] 256 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,165 ? Kevin is so brave ? 257 00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:58,165 ? He's such a strong big boy ? 258 00:10:58,250 --> 00:11:00,625 ? The fireworks are loud ? 259 00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:03,708 ? but he's got his strong boy toys... 260 00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:06,541 Have fun with your favorite band, bud. 261 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:07,875 Wait. Where are you going? 262 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,791 I'm off to my high-paying job as an Uber helicopter driver. 263 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:13,916 I'm flying Elle Fanning to Teterboro Airport! 264 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,416 [whirring] 265 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,291 I bet you have to go to work, too, huh? 266 00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:21,708 No, my only job is to stay home and spend all my time with you. 267 00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,666 I guess that's cool. 268 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,208 What are you waiting for, Kevvy? 269 00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,041 Come snuggie wuggie with me. 270 00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,083 [echoing, eerie voice] Where you belong. 271 00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,916 Um, did you feel that? 272 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,665 I feel like the vibe shifted. 273 00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:34,750 -[groans, whimpers] -[man] Buy! 274 00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:37,165 -Sell! -Wait. We live in... 275 00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,333 the Financial District?! 276 00:11:39,415 --> 00:11:42,458 -The SEC can suck my dong. -I'm getting into sneakers lately. 277 00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:43,915 I bought my wife online. 278 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,625 No! 279 00:11:45,708 --> 00:11:48,915 [fireworks squealing and popping] 280 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,125 [tour guide] So, we already know that fatbergs are giant clumps 281 00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:54,208 of oil, baby wipes and trash. 282 00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:58,958 But the Dirty Rock Fatberg also boasts over two dozen retail shops, 283 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,541 including Aratzia and Saks Filth Avenue. 284 00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:04,041 -[camera shutter clicking] -Judmila, girl talk. 285 00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:06,250 When you make me rat babies? 286 00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,791 Soon. I just got my IUD out. 287 00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:11,041 -[sniffing] -[Peter] So, Mama, 288 00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:12,916 -I have exciting news. -[Tetis gasps] 289 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,458 Look. From Home Alone 2. 290 00:12:14,541 --> 00:12:17,083 Peter, Peter, take a picture of us going like this. 291 00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,750 -Ah! -Ah! 292 00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:20,833 You understand, I'm Malorkey Korkin. 293 00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:24,541 Mama, Papa, I have been trying to tell you something all day. 294 00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:28,750 I get major role in all-horse production of musical Mame. 295 00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,541 -[gasps] -My Peter? 296 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,165 On stage with big horses? 297 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:34,958 Oh, I need to sit down. 298 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,208 Are you trying to kill Mama? 299 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,208 [sighs] They don't support me. 300 00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,208 Well, they have a point, babe. 301 00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:44,500 We're a growing family, and you're going to have to provide for me. 302 00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:46,458 I'm a tradwife! 303 00:12:46,540 --> 00:12:47,958 [fireworks popping] 304 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,750 [strained groaning] 305 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,333 Ah. Aren't you a saint. 306 00:12:51,415 --> 00:12:53,125 Well, you're very cute. 307 00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:56,250 And... very... heavy. 308 00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,250 [whimpering] 309 00:12:58,333 --> 00:13:01,625 Crushed by the weight of his own moral righteousness. 310 00:13:01,708 --> 00:13:03,250 Tonight, I drink to you, 311 00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,583 -strange little woman. -[whimsical music playing] 312 00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:06,916 -[insects trilling] -Okay, here we go. 313 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,125 New lucid dream, no Cupcake. 314 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,250 Armando! 315 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:15,916 Hi! 316 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,833 [all] Welcome to Planet MacLaine. 317 00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:20,083 [laughs] 318 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:23,583 -[upbeat music playing] -These crazy bitches did it. 319 00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:26,291 [President MacLaine] We've established a Democratic Socialist society, 320 00:13:26,375 --> 00:13:28,708 where we all work for the good of the greater Shirley. 321 00:13:28,791 --> 00:13:30,416 Is there organized religion? 322 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,540 No, just crystals and gin. 323 00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:34,665 Tah, papa-tee-tah. Madam President, 324 00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:39,915 Astronaut MacLaine has made first contact with alien life. Come with me. 325 00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:42,458 -[scoffs] Is it alive? -[tense music playing] 326 00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:44,833 We're still conducting some tests, but-- 327 00:13:44,915 --> 00:13:47,708 Oh, no! [screams] Oh! 328 00:13:47,790 --> 00:13:49,083 Oh, the specimen's loose. 329 00:13:49,165 --> 00:13:50,583 -[alarm blaring] -Send everybody! 330 00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:52,665 Maintain! 331 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,375 -Kill it! -[clamoring] 332 00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:57,083 [screaming] Ow! 333 00:13:57,165 --> 00:13:59,875 -[panting, whimpering] -Yeah. Eat it. 334 00:13:59,958 --> 00:14:02,083 [bellowing] 335 00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:04,583 What is it saying? 336 00:14:04,666 --> 00:14:08,291 I, uh... I believe it's a message for this cat? 337 00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:11,416 -You want to fuck me. -Oh, Jesus Christ with a crew cut. 338 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,791 I have had enough! 339 00:14:13,875 --> 00:14:17,083 Will you please get the fuck out of my dreams? 340 00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:19,666 But I'm having so much fun. 341 00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:22,458 Ooh. You got Red Vines in here? 342 00:14:22,541 --> 00:14:25,125 I always thought you might be a Twizzler man. 343 00:14:25,208 --> 00:14:27,375 [fireworks squealing and popping] 344 00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:29,750 -[eerie music playing] -I can't live in the Financial District. 345 00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:31,083 [screams] 346 00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,915 The real estate agents are calling it Fi-Di. 347 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,833 -Isn't that fun? -No. 348 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,958 It's New York's most vibrant neighborhood. 349 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,833 Nothing's open past 6:00 p.m. 350 00:14:38,915 --> 00:14:40,415 Not even the cool bars? 351 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,040 [laughing] There are no cool bars. 352 00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:45,250 But it's okay, because we stay in here. 353 00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:48,625 With Dana, where we're safe and snuggy-wuggied. 354 00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:50,250 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 355 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:51,750 I don't... I don't want to be here anymore. 356 00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:52,958 I'm-I'm going back to my friends in Astoria. 357 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,625 -But you can't. -[whimpering] 358 00:14:55,708 --> 00:14:57,583 Because they bombed Astoria. 359 00:14:57,665 --> 00:15:00,166 They? Who is "they"? 360 00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:02,375 It's okay, Kevvy-boo. They won't bomb you. 361 00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:06,375 Daddy will use part of the couch-copter to make you a hidey-hole. 362 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:09,750 -[alarm buzzing] -Oh, no. I goofed something up. 363 00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:13,416 Yeah, but I'm Elle Fanning, and I need to get to Teterboro. 364 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:14,958 Dakota's waiting. 365 00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:17,125 -Whoa! -Oopsie. 366 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:20,791 -Oh, my God. Do you think they're okay? -No. 367 00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:24,125 But he died doing what he loved, protecting you from the big scary world. 368 00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:28,833 And now, it's just you and me. 369 00:15:28,916 --> 00:15:31,166 -? Kevin is so brave ? -[yelling] 370 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:34,500 ? He's just a baby kitty ? 371 00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:37,208 ? The fireworks are loud ? 372 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:40,165 [eerie voice] ? but here comes mommy's titty ?? 373 00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:43,208 No! 374 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,040 [gasps] Oh. 375 00:15:45,125 --> 00:15:47,415 Oh, my God. It's not too late. 376 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,583 Cupcake, wake up. 377 00:15:49,665 --> 00:15:51,833 We have to stop "they" before they blow up Astoria. 378 00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:53,000 [phone dinging] 379 00:15:53,083 --> 00:15:56,083 Aah! No more Creepy Kevin. Fuck. Aah. 380 00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:58,500 -[dinging] -What? Bluetooth my ass. 381 00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,790 Aah! Get off of me. 382 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,125 [whimpering] Oh, God. 383 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:02,791 Oh. What is that? Tail? No. Wire. Aah! 384 00:16:02,875 --> 00:16:05,125 [screaming] 385 00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:06,375 [all whining, whimpering] 386 00:16:06,458 --> 00:16:09,666 Someone find my ex-wife and tell her I'm not sorry. 387 00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:12,166 The squirrel mafia. They found me. 388 00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:13,416 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 389 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,250 -[dogs whining] -Where is he? Where is Seth? 390 00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,708 [gasps] I finally did it. 391 00:16:18,791 --> 00:16:20,666 I killed Seth. 392 00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,791 And you all were always so mean to him. 393 00:16:22,875 --> 00:16:25,958 [crying] Howl! 394 00:16:26,041 --> 00:16:27,416 [dogs howling] 395 00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:33,083 Peter, I called Cousin Gregor. 396 00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:35,125 He get you job on Rat King. 397 00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:36,958 But I don't want to be cog in machine. 398 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,165 I am individual. I need work that nourish my soul. 399 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,500 You need to nourish your rat babies. 400 00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:44,708 Your big wife look ready to make baby. 401 00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:47,040 I wanted to tell you at Christmas. 402 00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,415 It is time to grow up. 403 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:50,875 Okay, I give up. 404 00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:55,750 I will tie my tail to 30 other rats and forget about my dreams. 405 00:16:55,833 --> 00:16:58,083 Wait. You can't lose your dreams. 406 00:16:58,165 --> 00:17:02,000 Dreams are where I'm friends with Taylor Swift, and I can fly. 407 00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:05,208 In Taylor Swift's private plane. 408 00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:09,915 Judmila, you are big wife, but you should be quiet wife. 409 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,833 Excuse me? 410 00:17:11,915 --> 00:17:13,208 Judy, it's okay. 411 00:17:13,290 --> 00:17:15,415 It is not okay. 412 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:20,165 This is America, and in this country, the wives are big. 413 00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:21,708 -[optimistic music playing] -And loud. 414 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:26,000 And get steady jobs so their actor husbands can have health insurance. 415 00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:28,458 [cheering] 416 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:31,458 Now let's go home, Peter. 417 00:17:31,541 --> 00:17:33,750 I'm gonna help you with a self-tape. 418 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:35,916 [Kevin whimpering] 419 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,958 -? American dreamers ? -Where-Where's the sun? 420 00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,958 Aah! Who are you? Aah! 421 00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:43,208 -? American dreamers made us free ? -Ooh. Oh! [yowls] 422 00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:47,125 -[pants] -? American dreamers, you and me... 423 00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:49,083 [explosions booming] 424 00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:51,666 No! You aren't me! 425 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,833 And I don't want cum gutters. 426 00:17:53,916 --> 00:17:55,750 [imitating eagle screeching] 427 00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:57,583 Or whatever the fuck eagles sound like. 428 00:17:57,666 --> 00:17:59,958 Hey, man, don't-don't be bird-racist. 429 00:18:00,041 --> 00:18:02,125 [Kevin] Stop body-shaming me, 430 00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:04,666 -fireworks! -What the...? 431 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,250 -Kevin? -Franny, you're alive. 432 00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,083 Uh, are you okay? 433 00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:11,458 No. I don't want to live in the Financial District. 434 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:12,958 Yeah, no one does. 435 00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:15,500 Dan and Dana do, but I don't want to live with them anymore. 436 00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:17,541 I'm different now. I want my friends. 437 00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:19,416 I want my janky shelter. 438 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,500 Okay, buddy. 439 00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:21,583 [quietly] I think you're tweaking. 440 00:18:21,666 --> 00:18:23,708 I'm on chimp pill. Oh, God. 441 00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:25,166 [quietly] Protect your face. 442 00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,958 Hey, hey, hey. Look, just come upstairs to my place, 443 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:30,750 and we will ride this shit out together. 444 00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:32,291 -[sign buzzing] -[Armando] I'm serious, Cupcake. 445 00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:33,958 I want you to leave! 446 00:18:34,041 --> 00:18:36,000 I'm not leaving till you deal with your shit. 447 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,458 What shit? 448 00:18:37,541 --> 00:18:39,625 It's time to pop this one in. 449 00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:45,333 [Armando] Michael? 450 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:46,875 -I can't watch that, Cupcake. -[somber music playing] 451 00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:50,041 Look, I'm only gonna appear 452 00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:53,833 as a manifestation of your abandonment issues once. 453 00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:56,375 Got me chasing you all over the goddamn place. 454 00:18:56,458 --> 00:18:58,208 What the fuck is wrong with you? 455 00:19:02,958 --> 00:19:05,750 [dramatic, hopeful music playing] 456 00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:18,000 ? ? 457 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:27,708 [bottles shatter] 458 00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:40,166 Oh. Fuck me. 459 00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:45,666 $7,000 for a coffin? Oh, hell no. 460 00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:50,291 Let me google "dead body" plus "sack" plus "Groupon." 461 00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:51,583 Brandi? 462 00:19:51,666 --> 00:19:54,666 Oh. Gosh, I don't know how to tell you this. 463 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:57,791 They found the body, and it looks bad. 464 00:19:57,875 --> 00:20:00,958 [dramatic, somber music playing] 465 00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:09,250 Mmm. Thank you, mister. 466 00:20:10,291 --> 00:20:12,875 Oh! You stupid son of a bitch! 467 00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:16,708 Why'd you do it? Why'd you let me kill you? 468 00:20:16,791 --> 00:20:19,541 [sobbing] 469 00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:26,958 -[magical chiming] -[mysterious music playing] 470 00:20:28,416 --> 00:20:30,500 [explosive pop] 471 00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:34,208 -[gasps] -What the fuck?! 472 00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:37,458 Thank you, Brandi. You pushed me to be a better man. 473 00:20:37,541 --> 00:20:39,875 And I almost did it. 474 00:20:39,958 --> 00:20:43,041 -I almost saved them all. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a hero. 475 00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:46,708 Now I'm putting your ass into hiding until the insurance check clears. 476 00:20:47,958 --> 00:20:50,333 I can't believe you fit a shuffle board table 477 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,583 in a studio apartment. 478 00:20:51,666 --> 00:20:53,541 Yeah, I stole it from this bar that fired me. 479 00:20:53,625 --> 00:20:55,041 Are you ready for a rematch? 480 00:20:55,125 --> 00:20:56,916 Well, you only beat me 'cause I was still high. 481 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,750 Oh, yeah, sure. That's why. [chuckles] 482 00:20:59,833 --> 00:21:02,625 Hey, uh, thanks for putting up with me last night. 483 00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:04,500 I was really freaking out, huh? 484 00:21:04,583 --> 00:21:07,583 You had a long conversation with my toaster 485 00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,666 about unattainable male beauty standards. 486 00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:14,000 Ugh. I-I don't want to sound un-American, but I really hate the Fourth of July. 487 00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:15,750 It's not fun anymore. 488 00:21:15,833 --> 00:21:18,625 And too many people are experimenting with potato salad. Raisins?! 489 00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:19,791 -No! -Get out of here. 490 00:21:19,875 --> 00:21:20,916 No siree. 491 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,750 So, who do you think bombed us in your dream? 492 00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:30,708 I can't explain why, but I'm sure it was the Impractical Jokers. 493 00:21:30,791 --> 00:21:35,125 Peter, your mother and I thought about what your big, loud wife say. 494 00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:37,416 -And now we understand. -[gentle music playing] 495 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:40,583 America is place for following dreams. 496 00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:46,208 Who knows? Maybe someday we see you nibbling dead hooker on Law & Order. 497 00:21:46,291 --> 00:21:50,625 Or nibbling dead hooker in prestige drama limited series 498 00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:53,458 starring Oscar-winning actor Woody Harrelson. 499 00:21:53,541 --> 00:21:55,583 Goodbye, my sweet boy. 500 00:21:55,666 --> 00:21:57,041 Goodbye, Mama. 501 00:21:58,125 --> 00:21:59,791 You dropped these. 502 00:21:59,875 --> 00:22:01,875 Thank you, Judy, for everything. 503 00:22:01,958 --> 00:22:04,041 You're welcome. Ooh! 504 00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:07,666 I think the babies are saying they want chopped cheese. 505 00:22:07,750 --> 00:22:10,375 We can't wait to meet you in there. 506 00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:14,833 Baby, I don't know what kind of freaky shit you did with my phone last night, 507 00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:18,625 but thank you. I made 10K! 508 00:22:18,708 --> 00:22:19,916 [Glenn] Oh, geez! 509 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,500 You know, the Fourth started out pretty shitty, but it ended up kind of good. 510 00:22:24,583 --> 00:22:27,750 Man, somebody just offered to buy that piss. 511 00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:29,666 I should've just gone to the Stein Way to begin with. 512 00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:32,375 I had so much fun with Franny. She's so funny and-- 513 00:22:32,458 --> 00:22:34,875 Oh. She has an old Sega Dreamcast. 514 00:22:34,958 --> 00:22:37,666 Get this. We played Crazy Taxi for hours. 515 00:22:37,750 --> 00:22:42,958 Maybe it's my mother's intuition, but I think you found your person. 516 00:22:43,041 --> 00:22:46,583 -My person? [scoffs, mutters] -[upbeat music playing] 517 00:22:46,666 --> 00:22:49,791 We're just friends. Homies. Besties. 518 00:22:49,875 --> 00:22:52,000 If you say so, but sometimes 519 00:22:52,083 --> 00:22:55,666 your someone special shows up when you're not even looking. 520 00:22:55,750 --> 00:22:59,041 God, I wish I could have sushi right now. 521 00:23:00,708 --> 00:23:02,375 What's up with you today? 522 00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:04,541 You haven't told anybody to shut the fuck up. 523 00:23:04,625 --> 00:23:07,166 I dreamt about Michael. 524 00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:10,500 Oh. The "Thriller" video or the "You Are Not Alone" video? 525 00:23:10,583 --> 00:23:11,958 'Cause both are unsettling. 526 00:23:12,041 --> 00:23:13,625 My Michael. 527 00:23:13,708 --> 00:23:15,708 Oh. Ooh. 528 00:23:15,791 --> 00:23:17,041 You okay? 529 00:23:17,125 --> 00:23:18,833 I don't think so. 530 00:23:18,916 --> 00:23:23,208 Armando, Cupcake, grab the overnight bag. 531 00:23:23,291 --> 00:23:25,583 My water just broke! 532 00:23:25,666 --> 00:23:29,166 Judy, you're pissing down your leg. 533 00:23:29,250 --> 00:23:31,458 Ooh, child, hold on. I'm gonna go get that sound bowl. 534 00:23:31,541 --> 00:23:32,791 [? Martina McBride sings "Independence Day"] 535 00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:36,750 ? Let freedom ring ? 536 00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:41,458 ? Let the white dove sing ? 537 00:23:41,541 --> 00:23:45,041 ? Let the whole world know that today ? 538 00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:48,666 ? is a day of reckoning ? 539 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:53,083 ? Let the weak be strong ? 540 00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:56,916 ? Let the right be wrong ? 541 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,041 ? Roll the stone away ? 542 00:23:59,125 --> 00:24:01,083 ? Let the guilty pay ? 543 00:24:01,166 --> 00:24:04,625 ? It's Independence Day ?? 544 00:24:12,666 --> 00:24:14,583 Chirp. 545 00:24:14,633 --> 00:24:19,183 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40966

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