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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,416
[upbeat music playing]
2
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:05,208
? American dreamers ?
3
00:00:05,291 --> 00:00:07,708
-[laughing]
-[fireworks squealing and popping]
4
00:00:07,791 --> 00:00:11,625
-? American dreamers made us free...
-[truck horn honking]
5
00:00:11,708 --> 00:00:13,833
-[fireworks exploding]
-Hi, Dan. It's Kevin.
6
00:00:13,916 --> 00:00:16,250
Happy... Fourth of July.
7
00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:18,750
[Dan] Kev. How you holding up?
I know today sucks for you.
8
00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:22,458
Yeah, how about that. Any chance
you want to maybe do our old routine
9
00:00:22,541 --> 00:00:24,791
where you shield me from the terrors
of this upsetting holiday?
10
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:27,166
Aw, man, I wish I could, bud.
11
00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:30,000
But I'm at Universal Studios
for my mom's bachelorette party.
12
00:00:30,083 --> 00:00:33,416
Right. Tell Kathy I think it's okay
that she's marrying a former student.
13
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,250
I-I got to go, Kev. Ma!
14
00:00:35,333 --> 00:00:37,750
Stop flirting with the Sorting Hat.
There's no guy in there.
15
00:00:37,833 --> 00:00:39,541
-[laughing]
-[loud explosion]
16
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:41,375
[yells, whimpers]
17
00:00:42,458 --> 00:00:43,791
-[screeching]
-Calm down, friends.
18
00:00:43,875 --> 00:00:46,666
-I-I understand you're all on edge.
-[dogs whining]
19
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:48,125
Then what are you gonna do about it, Seth?
20
00:00:48,208 --> 00:00:50,250
My people had a plan for this.
21
00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:54,041
[Dan]
Here's another cushion, bud.
22
00:00:54,125 --> 00:00:55,541
You won't hear a thing in there.
23
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:58,000
-Do you want me to sing your song?
-Yeah.
24
00:00:58,083 --> 00:00:59,958
-? Kevin is so brave ?
-[fireworks popping]
25
00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:02,375
? He's such a strong big boy ?
26
00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:06,333
? The fireworks are loud,
but he's got his big boy toys ??
27
00:01:06,416 --> 00:01:08,541
Mm. Keep going. This song slaps.
28
00:01:08,625 --> 00:01:11,000
I mean, at least distract us
with a certified bop.
29
00:01:11,083 --> 00:01:12,625
-Kevin, it's okay.
-[animals barking and whining]
30
00:01:12,708 --> 00:01:15,708
Furrever Friends has
a foolproof firework routine.
31
00:01:15,791 --> 00:01:18,791
-Medicine Time.
-[bell rings]
32
00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:21,166
-[dog whining]
-[Seth] Here comes the big pills.
33
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:23,708
One pill each! This shit ain't cheap.
34
00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:25,958
You all heard her. One pill each.
35
00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:29,500
That's the rule,
and we all respect that rule.
36
00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:31,083
No apple juice for me.
37
00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:33,625
I swallow pills like an adult.
38
00:01:33,708 --> 00:01:36,625
This is it? This is your plan?
What are you giving us?
39
00:01:36,708 --> 00:01:39,958
Claw-nopin.
It's a heavy-duty sedative that came out
40
00:01:40,041 --> 00:01:43,750
after that chimp
"allegedly" ripped that lady's face off.
41
00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:47,250
Chimp pills, huh? That's probably gonna be
stronger than half a Benadryl, right?
42
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,000
Kevin, just let Seth knock you out.
43
00:01:49,083 --> 00:01:50,541
It's the Fourth of July for fuck's sake.
44
00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:52,625
You don't want to be awake for this shit.
45
00:01:52,708 --> 00:01:53,958
-[loud explosions]
-[Seth yelling]
46
00:01:54,041 --> 00:01:55,291
[cats screeching]
47
00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:56,791
-Aah.
-Oh.
48
00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,916
Gross. I hate this holiday.
49
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,291
Just give me the chimp pill.
Give it to me. Give me the thing.
50
00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:04,750
And I-I need the apple juice
to wash it down. Sorry.
51
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,250
[Cupcake with British accent]
Out of my way, bruv.
52
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,458
-[whimsical music playing]
-It's Little Pip the Chim-in-nee Cat.
53
00:02:08,541 --> 00:02:10,500
Oh, come on.
There's no way he falls for this.
54
00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,250
Little Pip!
55
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,875
We haven't seen you
since the last Fourth of July.
56
00:02:14,958 --> 00:02:18,916
Please, sir. May I have two more pills
for me mum and dad?
57
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,500
I thought you were an orphan, Little Pip.
58
00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:21,750
[regular voice] Give Little Pip her drugs!
59
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:22,666
[yells]
60
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:27,458
? I'm coming home, I'm coming home ?
61
00:02:27,541 --> 00:02:30,833
? Ooh ?
62
00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:35,375
? I'm coming home, I'm coming home ?
63
00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:38,166
? Ooh ?
64
00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:39,541
? I'm coming home ?
65
00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:43,875
? I'm coming home, but I'm gonna roam ?
66
00:02:43,958 --> 00:02:46,083
? out on my own ?
67
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,208
? Till you're home with me ??
68
00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:51,291
[Kevin] I'm Kevin.
69
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,583
[fireworks popping and squealing]
70
00:02:54,666 --> 00:02:58,458
Wow. It ended with her buying this hat.
71
00:02:58,541 --> 00:03:00,375
Hey, do you mind if I borrow this bed pan?
72
00:03:00,458 --> 00:03:05,125
I'm about to go live, and I make
a few extra stacks if I piss on camera.
73
00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:09,708
That is a Tibetan sound bowl
given to me by the Dalai Lama.
74
00:03:09,791 --> 00:03:10,916
[laughing]
Of course you can piss in it.
75
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,333
-Ooh.
-[clangs]
76
00:03:12,416 --> 00:03:16,500
Blindfold and butt plugs?
Did you set up an OnlyFans, too?
77
00:03:16,583 --> 00:03:19,875
That's an eye mask,
and those are ear plugs.
78
00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:23,333
Okay, but you know, anything can be
a butt plug if you believe in yourself.
79
00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:27,125
No, no, no. I took the Claw-nopin
in order to abandon reality,
80
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,541
like my theater company abandoned me.
81
00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:33,708
And I'm using these to lucid dream.
82
00:03:33,791 --> 00:03:35,875
Armani, as a friend,
83
00:03:35,958 --> 00:03:38,916
I don't think it's a good idea
for you to turn to drugs
84
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,541
when you're in such a bad headspace.
85
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:43,833
[both laughing]
86
00:03:43,916 --> 00:03:46,541
-Ooh, yeah, full of shit, I know. I know.
-You almost had me there.
87
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:49,625
-[bell rings]
-Oh. Little Pip's dose just kicked in.
88
00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:52,958
And just in time
for me to start streaming.
89
00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:54,833
-[beeps]
-Hold on to your dicks, y'all.
90
00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:57,875
This cat's about to go limp.
91
00:03:57,958 --> 00:04:00,291
[dinging]
92
00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,208
Stick me in a fucking crate,
treating me like a guinea pig.
93
00:04:02,291 --> 00:04:04,791
-I ain't no fucking guinea pig.
-Brandi, uh,
94
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:08,875
wouldn't you be more comfortable
upstairs in the home that we share?
95
00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:11,000
Why? So you can shove me in a crate again?
96
00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:13,833
Treating me like some Shelly Miscavige.
Whatever her name is.
97
00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:16,207
Hashtag "where's Shelly?" I'm Shelly.
98
00:04:16,291 --> 00:04:20,250
Brandi, I had no choice but to crate you,
okay? There was an outbreak.
99
00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:21,791
You know what I think?
100
00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:24,916
You're only in this rescue game
for the money and the power.
101
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,875
You call this rescue?
You don't rescue nobody.
102
00:04:28,957 --> 00:04:31,416
-[snoring]
-Oh, no, she didn't.
103
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,541
I care deeply about our furry friends.
104
00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:35,541
Seth is dead. Ain't nobody know it was me.
105
00:04:35,625 --> 00:04:37,832
Gonna put him in an ugly-ass casket.
106
00:04:37,916 --> 00:04:41,500
Oh. You might be murdering me
in your dreams right now, sweetie.
107
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:45,832
But by the time you wake,
my honor will be restored.
108
00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:48,082
[hopeful, soaring music playing]
109
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,916
[gruff voice] I'm gonna save
every runaway dog in New York City.
110
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,416
[fireworks squealing and popping]
111
00:04:56,500 --> 00:05:01,083
Right after I drop off this flag cake
at Aunt Joy's extended care facility.
112
00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:02,666
Peter!
113
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,875
-You're awake, too?
-Of course.
114
00:05:04,958 --> 00:05:08,208
When others are sleeping,
rats are gaining upper hands.
115
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:11,291
-Well, I'm saying no to drugs.
-[snoring]
116
00:05:11,375 --> 00:05:13,416
I'm a proud member of the organization
117
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,250
Cats Uniting Mammals
To Ultimately Resist Drugs.
118
00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:17,791
[knocking]
119
00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:19,166
-[Mama] Peter?
-Mama?
120
00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:22,832
[with accent] Help your papa
pull luggage out of floorboard.
121
00:05:22,916 --> 00:05:26,375
Ooh. Are your mommy and daddy
visiting for the holiday?
122
00:05:26,457 --> 00:05:29,082
Judy, please,
privacy for me and my family.
123
00:05:29,166 --> 00:05:31,416
I'm not even here.
124
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:32,666
I'm here.
125
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,791
Mama, Papa, how was your airplane ride?
126
00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:38,625
-[with accent] Long.
-This where Peter live?
127
00:05:38,707 --> 00:05:41,541
Ugh. It's so... clean.
128
00:05:42,582 --> 00:05:44,625
This just where Peter sleep.
129
00:05:44,707 --> 00:05:47,625
Peter live in the city.
130
00:05:47,707 --> 00:05:50,541
-[fireworks popping]
-I'm so excited to show you my New York.
131
00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:53,250
-No.
- Your father buy ticket on computer
132
00:05:53,332 --> 00:05:55,541
-for Fatberg tour.
-[Peter] Ugh.
133
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:58,082
Giant clump of floating trash in sewer?
134
00:05:58,166 --> 00:05:59,957
That's for tourists, Mama.
135
00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:02,208
Oh, come on. You were tourist once.
136
00:06:02,291 --> 00:06:05,000
You beg Mama for photo at M&M store.
137
00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:07,708
And I confront you now
so we can enjoy tour later.
138
00:06:07,791 --> 00:06:09,416
Do you find real job yet?
139
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:12,250
More important, did you find rat wife yet?
140
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:17,332
Uh... yes. But tonight,
you know, my wife, she is, uh--
141
00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:18,666
[Judy] Right here.
142
00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:20,207
Honey.
143
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:21,625
Y-Yes.
144
00:06:21,707 --> 00:06:24,875
This is my wife, Jud... mila.
145
00:06:24,957 --> 00:06:26,416
Surprise.
146
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,291
So lovely to meet you, Mama.
147
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,541
Can I call you Mama?
148
00:06:29,625 --> 00:06:33,332
This new wife of yours... is rat?
149
00:06:33,416 --> 00:06:34,875
-[sniffing]
-Of course.
150
00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:37,541
Judmila is New York City rat.
151
00:06:37,625 --> 00:06:39,250
As big as they come.
152
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:42,332
Hmm. Peter has big wife.
153
00:06:42,416 --> 00:06:44,500
Nice.
154
00:06:44,582 --> 00:06:46,041
[snoring]
155
00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:49,166
-[fireworks exploding]
-[yells, mutters]
156
00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:51,750
-Oh, my God. Did you guys hear that? Aah.
-[dinging]
157
00:06:51,832 --> 00:06:53,457
At least someone's having a good night.
158
00:06:53,541 --> 00:06:56,207
-[Cupcake snoring]
-"Who is this uggo?"
159
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,750
"Boo awake cat."
160
00:06:57,832 --> 00:06:59,166
"Move and die, awake cat."
161
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,041
-Oh, okay. [screams]
-[explosion]
162
00:07:01,125 --> 00:07:02,208
[whimpering]
163
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:05,500
Stupid Seth and his janky shelter.
164
00:07:05,583 --> 00:07:07,291
I need more chimp pill.
165
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:09,458
-[whimpers]
-Happy Independence Day, Kevin.
166
00:07:09,541 --> 00:07:11,625
-[slow, ominous music playing]
-Shit. Is this a side effect?
167
00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:14,125
Oh, God,
I'm gonna rip somebody's face off.
168
00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:16,457
I would never do that,
and neither would you.
169
00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:18,041
Because we're the same.
170
00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:20,291
I wouldn't say the same,
'cause you have...
171
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,875
What are those called again?
172
00:07:21,957 --> 00:07:24,457
Cum gutters, Kevin. Thanks for noticing.
173
00:07:24,541 --> 00:07:26,541
I mean,
the eyes just go right there, so...
174
00:07:26,625 --> 00:07:28,582
Wait. Who are you?
175
00:07:28,666 --> 00:07:31,916
I'm you if you had done the smart thing
and stayed with Dana.
176
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,916
-[upbeat music playing]
-Oh, shut up, no.
177
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,750
Is that a lime-washed litter box by TOTO?
178
00:07:35,832 --> 00:07:37,707
The new one? With the heated sand?
179
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,000
Oh, I got to do my business in that.
180
00:07:40,082 --> 00:07:43,000
Well... Well, then
what are you waiting for, cowboy?
181
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:45,457
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
182
00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:47,416
Aah. Shit. Why does this hurt so much?
183
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,957
[yelling]
184
00:07:50,041 --> 00:07:52,000
[fireworks popping]
185
00:07:52,082 --> 00:07:53,291
[snoring]
186
00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:54,957
[sign buzzing]
187
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:58,125
[slow jazz playing]
188
00:07:58,207 --> 00:07:59,625
Champagne.
189
00:07:59,707 --> 00:08:01,125
[magical chiming]
190
00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:05,291
Ah. I love lucid dreaming.
191
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:09,708
What fantasy shall I indulge in tonight?
192
00:08:09,791 --> 00:08:13,458
Oh. Should I journey to Planet MacLaine?
193
00:08:13,541 --> 00:08:15,708
No, I don't trust a group
of Shirley MacLaines
194
00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:17,750
to figure out running water.
195
00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:21,000
Ah, yes.
196
00:08:21,082 --> 00:08:22,832
This is the one.
197
00:08:23,875 --> 00:08:25,332
[whirring]
198
00:08:26,791 --> 00:08:29,625
[slow, gentle music playing]
199
00:08:29,707 --> 00:08:33,165
[wind blowing]
200
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,165
[speaking Italian]
So peaceful
201
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,457
No distractions
202
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:41,375
No horses
203
00:08:41,457 --> 00:08:42,915
[horse neighing]
204
00:08:46,665 --> 00:08:48,583
Armani!
205
00:08:48,665 --> 00:08:52,625
You want to watch me fuck these horses
on top of some grapes? Squish, squish.
206
00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:54,625
-[boing]
-[neighing]
207
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,958
Hey, I'm supposed to be in control.
208
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,750
Why am I dreaming about you?
209
00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:00,541
Me in your dream?
210
00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:01,833
Ooh, you know what that means.
211
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,750
You were the last face
I saw before I fell asleep?
212
00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:06,416
You want to fuck me.
213
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,416
[scoffs]
We both know that's not true.
214
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,500
Well, I think Freud would disagree.
215
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,750
As he famously postulated
in his early clinical work,
216
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:17,250
"If you dream about a cutie,
you want the booty."
217
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:20,208
-I'm more of a Jungian.
-Ah, yes, Jung.
218
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:24,541
"If they infiltrate your mind,
you want to hit it from behind."
219
00:09:26,208 --> 00:09:27,333
What the...?
220
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:32,583
Armando, you have officially
lost control of this lucid dream.
221
00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,083
-[fireworks popping]
-[grand, majestic music playing]
222
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,750
[distant crying]
223
00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,083
[whimpering]
224
00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:41,375
[gruff voice]
I'm here to save you.
225
00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:43,458
No way. Get away from me, man.
226
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:44,958
[regular voice]
Oh, no. Is the voice scaring you?
227
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,290
-I'm gonna drop it. It hurts my throat.
-[whimpers]
228
00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:51,000
Nobody can help me.
We're all gonna die, man!
229
00:09:51,083 --> 00:09:52,665
Hush now, little wiener.
230
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,708
Hide inside my bosom.
231
00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:57,165
-And let me-- [yells]
-[bottle rocket squealing]
232
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:59,165
-Oh, dear. My readers.
-[whimpering]
233
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,000
My readers are on the ground!
234
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:02,500
[screaming]
235
00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:05,708
Ow! Aah. Why did that hurt so much?
236
00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:06,791
I think that says something about you.
237
00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:09,916
When I go through, it feels, ooh, great.
238
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,541
-So where are we?
-You're home.
239
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,666
-[soft music playing]
-[Kevin] Dana,
240
00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:17,875
your new place is amazing.
241
00:10:17,958 --> 00:10:19,458
It's your place too, silly.
242
00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:23,125
Ooh, and you got a special delivery today.
243
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:25,750
[gasps]
It's another UPS box.
244
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:28,125
-For me to sit in.
-You can add that one
245
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:31,041
-to your dope collection.
-Wowee zowee.
246
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:33,665
Hold on. You two got back together?
247
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:36,125
Of course, silly. We're married.
248
00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:39,625
Your genius idea to google
"couples therapists" totally fixed us.
249
00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:42,290
-Genius.
-So... we want to thank you
250
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,415
with a private concert from Pavement.
251
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,875
Shut up. When?
252
00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:47,083
Right now.
253
00:10:47,165 --> 00:10:50,165
Kevin, you deserve this.
254
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,125
Fuck yeah, I do. You're Pavement.
255
00:10:52,208 --> 00:10:53,500
-Whoo!
-[playing upbeat tune]
256
00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,165
? Kevin is so brave ?
257
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:58,165
? He's such a strong big boy ?
258
00:10:58,250 --> 00:11:00,625
? The fireworks are loud ?
259
00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:03,708
? but he's got his strong boy toys...
260
00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:06,541
Have fun with your favorite band, bud.
261
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:07,875
Wait. Where are you going?
262
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,791
I'm off to my high-paying job
as an Uber helicopter driver.
263
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:13,916
I'm flying Elle Fanning
to Teterboro Airport!
264
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,416
[whirring]
265
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,291
I bet you have to go to work, too, huh?
266
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:21,708
No, my only job is to stay home
and spend all my time with you.
267
00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,666
I guess that's cool.
268
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,208
What are you waiting for, Kevvy?
269
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,041
Come snuggie wuggie with me.
270
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,083
[echoing, eerie voice]
Where you belong.
271
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,916
Um, did you feel that?
272
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,665
I feel like the vibe shifted.
273
00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:34,750
-[groans, whimpers]
-[man] Buy!
274
00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:37,165
-Sell!
-Wait. We live in...
275
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,333
the Financial District?!
276
00:11:39,415 --> 00:11:42,458
-The SEC can suck my dong.
-I'm getting into sneakers lately.
277
00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:43,915
I bought my wife online.
278
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,625
No!
279
00:11:45,708 --> 00:11:48,915
[fireworks squealing and popping]
280
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,125
[tour guide] So, we already know
that fatbergs are giant clumps
281
00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:54,208
of oil, baby wipes and trash.
282
00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:58,958
But the Dirty Rock Fatberg also boasts
over two dozen retail shops,
283
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,541
including Aratzia and Saks Filth Avenue.
284
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:04,041
-[camera shutter clicking]
-Judmila, girl talk.
285
00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:06,250
When you make me rat babies?
286
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,791
Soon. I just got my IUD out.
287
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:11,041
-[sniffing]
-[Peter] So, Mama,
288
00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:12,916
-I have exciting news.
-[Tetis gasps]
289
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,458
Look. From Home Alone 2.
290
00:12:14,541 --> 00:12:17,083
Peter, Peter,
take a picture of us going like this.
291
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,750
-Ah!
-Ah!
292
00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:20,833
You understand, I'm Malorkey Korkin.
293
00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:24,541
Mama, Papa, I have been trying
to tell you something all day.
294
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:28,750
I get major role in all-horse production
of musical Mame.
295
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,541
-[gasps]
-My Peter?
296
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,165
On stage with big horses?
297
00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:34,958
Oh, I need to sit down.
298
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,208
Are you trying to kill Mama?
299
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,208
[sighs]
They don't support me.
300
00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,208
Well, they have a point, babe.
301
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:44,500
We're a growing family, and you're going
to have to provide for me.
302
00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:46,458
I'm a tradwife!
303
00:12:46,540 --> 00:12:47,958
[fireworks popping]
304
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,750
[strained groaning]
305
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,333
Ah. Aren't you a saint.
306
00:12:51,415 --> 00:12:53,125
Well, you're very cute.
307
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:56,250
And... very... heavy.
308
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,250
[whimpering]
309
00:12:58,333 --> 00:13:01,625
Crushed by the weight
of his own moral righteousness.
310
00:13:01,708 --> 00:13:03,250
Tonight, I drink to you,
311
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,583
-strange little woman.
-[whimsical music playing]
312
00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:06,916
-[insects trilling]
-Okay, here we go.
313
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,125
New lucid dream, no Cupcake.
314
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,250
Armando!
315
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:15,916
Hi!
316
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,833
[all] Welcome to
Planet MacLaine.
317
00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:20,083
[laughs]
318
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:23,583
-[upbeat music playing]
-These crazy bitches did it.
319
00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:26,291
[President MacLaine] We've established
a Democratic Socialist society,
320
00:13:26,375 --> 00:13:28,708
where we all work
for the good of the greater Shirley.
321
00:13:28,791 --> 00:13:30,416
Is there organized religion?
322
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,540
No, just crystals and gin.
323
00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:34,665
Tah, papa-tee-tah.
Madam President,
324
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:39,915
Astronaut MacLaine has made first contact
with alien life. Come with me.
325
00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:42,458
-[scoffs] Is it alive?
-[tense music playing]
326
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:44,833
We're still conducting some tests, but--
327
00:13:44,915 --> 00:13:47,708
Oh, no! [screams] Oh!
328
00:13:47,790 --> 00:13:49,083
Oh, the specimen's loose.
329
00:13:49,165 --> 00:13:50,583
-[alarm blaring]
-Send everybody!
330
00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:52,665
Maintain!
331
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,375
-Kill it!
-[clamoring]
332
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:57,083
[screaming]
Ow!
333
00:13:57,165 --> 00:13:59,875
-[panting, whimpering]
-Yeah. Eat it.
334
00:13:59,958 --> 00:14:02,083
[bellowing]
335
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:04,583
What is it saying?
336
00:14:04,666 --> 00:14:08,291
I, uh...
I believe it's a message for this cat?
337
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:11,416
-You want to fuck me.
-Oh, Jesus Christ with a crew cut.
338
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,791
I have had enough!
339
00:14:13,875 --> 00:14:17,083
Will you please get the fuck out
of my dreams?
340
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:19,666
But I'm having so much fun.
341
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:22,458
Ooh. You got Red Vines in here?
342
00:14:22,541 --> 00:14:25,125
I always thought
you might be a Twizzler man.
343
00:14:25,208 --> 00:14:27,375
[fireworks squealing and popping]
344
00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:29,750
-[eerie music playing]
-I can't live in the Financial District.
345
00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:31,083
[screams]
346
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,915
The real estate agents
are calling it Fi-Di.
347
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,833
-Isn't that fun?
-No.
348
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,958
It's New York's most vibrant neighborhood.
349
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,833
Nothing's open past 6:00 p.m.
350
00:14:38,915 --> 00:14:40,415
Not even the cool bars?
351
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,040
[laughing]
There are no cool bars.
352
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:45,250
But it's okay, because we stay in here.
353
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:48,625
With Dana,
where we're safe and snuggy-wuggied.
354
00:14:48,708 --> 00:14:50,250
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
355
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:51,750
I don't...
I don't want to be here anymore.
356
00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:52,958
I'm-I'm going back
to my friends in Astoria.
357
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,625
-But you can't.
-[whimpering]
358
00:14:55,708 --> 00:14:57,583
Because they bombed Astoria.
359
00:14:57,665 --> 00:15:00,166
They? Who is "they"?
360
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:02,375
It's okay, Kevvy-boo.
They won't bomb you.
361
00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:06,375
Daddy will use part of the couch-copter
to make you a hidey-hole.
362
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:09,750
-[alarm buzzing]
-Oh, no. I goofed something up.
363
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:13,416
Yeah, but I'm Elle Fanning,
and I need to get to Teterboro.
364
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:14,958
Dakota's waiting.
365
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:17,125
-Whoa!
-Oopsie.
366
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:20,791
-Oh, my God. Do you think they're okay?
-No.
367
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:24,125
But he died doing what he loved,
protecting you from the big scary world.
368
00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:28,833
And now, it's just you and me.
369
00:15:28,916 --> 00:15:31,166
-? Kevin is so brave ?
-[yelling]
370
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:34,500
? He's just a baby kitty ?
371
00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:37,208
? The fireworks are loud ?
372
00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:40,165
[eerie voice]
? but here comes mommy's titty ??
373
00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:43,208
No!
374
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,040
[gasps]
Oh.
375
00:15:45,125 --> 00:15:47,415
Oh, my God. It's not too late.
376
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,583
Cupcake, wake up.
377
00:15:49,665 --> 00:15:51,833
We have to stop "they"
before they blow up Astoria.
378
00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:53,000
[phone dinging]
379
00:15:53,083 --> 00:15:56,083
Aah! No more Creepy Kevin. Fuck. Aah.
380
00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:58,500
-[dinging]
-What? Bluetooth my ass.
381
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,790
Aah! Get off of me.
382
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,125
[whimpering]
Oh, God.
383
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:02,791
Oh. What is that? Tail? No. Wire. Aah!
384
00:16:02,875 --> 00:16:05,125
[screaming]
385
00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:06,375
[all whining, whimpering]
386
00:16:06,458 --> 00:16:09,666
Someone find my ex-wife
and tell her I'm not sorry.
387
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:12,166
The squirrel mafia. They found me.
388
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:13,416
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
389
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,250
-[dogs whining]
-Where is he? Where is Seth?
390
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,708
[gasps]
I finally did it.
391
00:16:18,791 --> 00:16:20,666
I killed Seth.
392
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,791
And you all were always so mean to him.
393
00:16:22,875 --> 00:16:25,958
[crying]
Howl!
394
00:16:26,041 --> 00:16:27,416
[dogs howling]
395
00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:33,083
Peter, I called Cousin Gregor.
396
00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:35,125
He get you job on Rat King.
397
00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:36,958
But I don't want to be cog in machine.
398
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,165
I am individual.
I need work that nourish my soul.
399
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,500
You need to nourish your rat babies.
400
00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:44,708
Your big wife look ready to make baby.
401
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:47,040
I wanted to tell you at Christmas.
402
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,415
It is time to grow up.
403
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:50,875
Okay, I give up.
404
00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:55,750
I will tie my tail to 30 other rats
and forget about my dreams.
405
00:16:55,833 --> 00:16:58,083
Wait. You can't lose your dreams.
406
00:16:58,165 --> 00:17:02,000
Dreams are where I'm friends
with Taylor Swift, and I can fly.
407
00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:05,208
In Taylor Swift's private plane.
408
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:09,915
Judmila, you are big wife,
but you should be quiet wife.
409
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,833
Excuse me?
410
00:17:11,915 --> 00:17:13,208
Judy, it's okay.
411
00:17:13,290 --> 00:17:15,415
It is not okay.
412
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:20,165
This is America,
and in this country, the wives are big.
413
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:21,708
-[optimistic music playing]
-And loud.
414
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:26,000
And get steady jobs so their
actor husbands can have health insurance.
415
00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:28,458
[cheering]
416
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:31,458
Now let's go home, Peter.
417
00:17:31,541 --> 00:17:33,750
I'm gonna help you with a self-tape.
418
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:35,916
[Kevin whimpering]
419
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,958
-? American dreamers ?
-Where-Where's the sun?
420
00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,958
Aah! Who are you? Aah!
421
00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:43,208
-? American dreamers made us free ?
-Ooh. Oh! [yowls]
422
00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:47,125
-[pants]
-? American dreamers, you and me...
423
00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:49,083
[explosions booming]
424
00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:51,666
No! You aren't me!
425
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,833
And I don't want cum gutters.
426
00:17:53,916 --> 00:17:55,750
[imitating eagle screeching]
427
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:57,583
Or whatever the fuck eagles sound like.
428
00:17:57,666 --> 00:17:59,958
Hey, man, don't-don't be bird-racist.
429
00:18:00,041 --> 00:18:02,125
[Kevin] Stop body-shaming me,
430
00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:04,666
-fireworks!
-What the...?
431
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,250
-Kevin?
-Franny, you're alive.
432
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,083
Uh, are you okay?
433
00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:11,458
No. I don't want to live
in the Financial District.
434
00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:12,958
Yeah, no one does.
435
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:15,500
Dan and Dana do, but I don't want
to live with them anymore.
436
00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:17,541
I'm different now.
I want my friends.
437
00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:19,416
I want my janky shelter.
438
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,500
Okay, buddy.
439
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:21,583
[quietly] I think you're tweaking.
440
00:18:21,666 --> 00:18:23,708
I'm on chimp pill. Oh, God.
441
00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:25,166
[quietly]
Protect your face.
442
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,958
Hey, hey, hey.
Look, just come upstairs to my place,
443
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:30,750
and we will ride this shit out together.
444
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:32,291
-[sign buzzing]
-[Armando] I'm serious, Cupcake.
445
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:33,958
I want you to leave!
446
00:18:34,041 --> 00:18:36,000
I'm not leaving
till you deal with your shit.
447
00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,458
What shit?
448
00:18:37,541 --> 00:18:39,625
It's time to pop this one in.
449
00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:45,333
[Armando] Michael?
450
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:46,875
-I can't watch that, Cupcake.
-[somber music playing]
451
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:50,041
Look, I'm only gonna appear
452
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:53,833
as a manifestation
of your abandonment issues once.
453
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:56,375
Got me chasing you
all over the goddamn place.
454
00:18:56,458 --> 00:18:58,208
What the fuck is wrong with you?
455
00:19:02,958 --> 00:19:05,750
[dramatic, hopeful music playing]
456
00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:18,000
? ?
457
00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:27,708
[bottles shatter]
458
00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:40,166
Oh. Fuck me.
459
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:45,666
$7,000 for a coffin?
Oh, hell no.
460
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:50,291
Let me google "dead body"
plus "sack" plus "Groupon."
461
00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:51,583
Brandi?
462
00:19:51,666 --> 00:19:54,666
Oh. Gosh, I don't know
how to tell you this.
463
00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:57,791
They found the body, and it looks bad.
464
00:19:57,875 --> 00:20:00,958
[dramatic, somber music playing]
465
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:09,250
Mmm. Thank you, mister.
466
00:20:10,291 --> 00:20:12,875
Oh! You stupid son of a bitch!
467
00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:16,708
Why'd you do it?
Why'd you let me kill you?
468
00:20:16,791 --> 00:20:19,541
[sobbing]
469
00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:26,958
-[magical chiming]
-[mysterious music playing]
470
00:20:28,416 --> 00:20:30,500
[explosive pop]
471
00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:34,208
-[gasps]
-What the fuck?!
472
00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:37,458
Thank you, Brandi.
You pushed me to be a better man.
473
00:20:37,541 --> 00:20:39,875
And I almost did it.
474
00:20:39,958 --> 00:20:43,041
-I almost saved them all.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a hero.
475
00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:46,708
Now I'm putting your ass into hiding
until the insurance check clears.
476
00:20:47,958 --> 00:20:50,333
I can't believe
you fit a shuffle board table
477
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,583
in a studio apartment.
478
00:20:51,666 --> 00:20:53,541
Yeah, I stole it
from this bar that fired me.
479
00:20:53,625 --> 00:20:55,041
Are you ready for a rematch?
480
00:20:55,125 --> 00:20:56,916
Well, you only beat me
'cause I was still high.
481
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,750
Oh, yeah, sure. That's why.
[chuckles]
482
00:20:59,833 --> 00:21:02,625
Hey, uh,
thanks for putting up with me last night.
483
00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:04,500
I was really freaking out, huh?
484
00:21:04,583 --> 00:21:07,583
You had a long conversation
with my toaster
485
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,666
about unattainable male beauty standards.
486
00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:14,000
Ugh. I-I don't want to sound un-American,
but I really hate the Fourth of July.
487
00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:15,750
It's not fun anymore.
488
00:21:15,833 --> 00:21:18,625
And too many people are experimenting
with potato salad. Raisins?!
489
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:19,791
-No!
-Get out of here.
490
00:21:19,875 --> 00:21:20,916
No siree.
491
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,750
So, who do you think
bombed us in your dream?
492
00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:30,708
I can't explain why, but I'm sure
it was the Impractical Jokers.
493
00:21:30,791 --> 00:21:35,125
Peter, your mother and I thought
about what your big, loud wife say.
494
00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:37,416
-And now we understand.
-[gentle music playing]
495
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:40,583
America is place for following dreams.
496
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:46,208
Who knows? Maybe someday we see you
nibbling dead hooker on Law & Order.
497
00:21:46,291 --> 00:21:50,625
Or nibbling dead hooker
in prestige drama limited series
498
00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:53,458
starring Oscar-winning actor
Woody Harrelson.
499
00:21:53,541 --> 00:21:55,583
Goodbye, my sweet boy.
500
00:21:55,666 --> 00:21:57,041
Goodbye, Mama.
501
00:21:58,125 --> 00:21:59,791
You dropped these.
502
00:21:59,875 --> 00:22:01,875
Thank you, Judy, for everything.
503
00:22:01,958 --> 00:22:04,041
You're welcome. Ooh!
504
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:07,666
I think the babies are saying
they want chopped cheese.
505
00:22:07,750 --> 00:22:10,375
We can't wait to meet you in there.
506
00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:14,833
Baby, I don't know what kind of freaky
shit you did with my phone last night,
507
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:18,625
but thank you. I made 10K!
508
00:22:18,708 --> 00:22:19,916
[Glenn] Oh, geez!
509
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,500
You know, the Fourth started out pretty
shitty, but it ended up kind of good.
510
00:22:24,583 --> 00:22:27,750
Man, somebody just offered
to buy that piss.
511
00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:29,666
I should've just gone
to the Stein Way to begin with.
512
00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:32,375
I had so much fun with Franny.
She's so funny and--
513
00:22:32,458 --> 00:22:34,875
Oh. She has an old Sega Dreamcast.
514
00:22:34,958 --> 00:22:37,666
Get this. We played Crazy Taxi for hours.
515
00:22:37,750 --> 00:22:42,958
Maybe it's my mother's intuition,
but I think you found your person.
516
00:22:43,041 --> 00:22:46,583
-My person? [scoffs, mutters]
-[upbeat music playing]
517
00:22:46,666 --> 00:22:49,791
We're just friends. Homies. Besties.
518
00:22:49,875 --> 00:22:52,000
If you say so, but sometimes
519
00:22:52,083 --> 00:22:55,666
your someone special shows up
when you're not even looking.
520
00:22:55,750 --> 00:22:59,041
God, I wish I could have sushi right now.
521
00:23:00,708 --> 00:23:02,375
What's up with you today?
522
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:04,541
You haven't told anybody
to shut the fuck up.
523
00:23:04,625 --> 00:23:07,166
I dreamt about Michael.
524
00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:10,500
Oh. The "Thriller" video
or the "You Are Not Alone" video?
525
00:23:10,583 --> 00:23:11,958
'Cause both are unsettling.
526
00:23:12,041 --> 00:23:13,625
My Michael.
527
00:23:13,708 --> 00:23:15,708
Oh. Ooh.
528
00:23:15,791 --> 00:23:17,041
You okay?
529
00:23:17,125 --> 00:23:18,833
I don't think so.
530
00:23:18,916 --> 00:23:23,208
Armando, Cupcake, grab the overnight bag.
531
00:23:23,291 --> 00:23:25,583
My water just broke!
532
00:23:25,666 --> 00:23:29,166
Judy, you're pissing down your leg.
533
00:23:29,250 --> 00:23:31,458
Ooh, child, hold on.
I'm gonna go get that sound bowl.
534
00:23:31,541 --> 00:23:32,791
[? Martina McBride
sings "Independence Day"]
535
00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:36,750
? Let freedom ring ?
536
00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:41,458
? Let the white dove sing ?
537
00:23:41,541 --> 00:23:45,041
? Let the whole world know that today ?
538
00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:48,666
? is a day of reckoning ?
539
00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:53,083
? Let the weak be strong ?
540
00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:56,916
? Let the right be wrong ?
541
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,041
? Roll the stone away ?
542
00:23:59,125 --> 00:24:01,083
? Let the guilty pay ?
543
00:24:01,166 --> 00:24:04,625
? It's Independence Day ??
544
00:24:12,666 --> 00:24:14,583
Chirp.
545
00:24:14,633 --> 00:24:19,183
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