Original subtitles

So, you've been kayaking before?

Only once on a school trip - and I nearly died. - What?

They made us all capsize, and I couldn't get back up, I stayed upside down.

- Are you serious? - Yeah, it was very traumatic.

Every time I righted myself to gasp for air I could see everyone in my class laughing.

Why didn't you tell me that before I got in the kayak?

It made me feel like she has a lot of confidence for someone who's already toppled a kayak and also...

...I think we should turn around now.

Woo-hoo!

We're here, baby. Most travellers avoid bad reviews.

Let's see what the review says. - One star. - One star.

- One star. - Never seen anything more stupid.

If I could give it - zero stars, I would. - But not us.

I'm a woman in a man's world, I make up my own mind.

I'm Sara Pascoe.

I'm brilliant at this!

I'm Roisin Conaty.

Come on, fishy fishy! Ooh!

We're comedians! But more importantly, best friends.

As someone who's received bad reviews I will try to look to the good.

We're turning the tables on the review sites.

They were so busy typing in their phone moaning, they forgot to look out.

And visiting places based on the worst reviews.

Come closer. It's nothing to be afraid of.

My review is 100 stars.

But will this journey of salvation be a five-star fun fest?

I'm an absolute killer! Yes!

Or are we in for a holiday from hell?

Ooh, smell that air.

Lovely air.

"Bergen?"

That question mark does make me doubt myself.

- Bergen? - Is it? Bergen? It must be.

They wouldn't let us off the plane.

Making me feel like, you sure you wanna get off here?

Oslo's not that far. Yeah.

You could go somewhere warmer.

Do you know Norway well?

I've been here before. - Yeah? - I ate reindeer!

Oh, right, okay. It tasted like fishy fruit and I nearly vomited.

- Oh, no. - Yeah, so. Don't be ordering that for me. I know you won't.

I won't, that'd ruin Christmas. That's awful.

Have you been here before? Three times.

It's so expensive here.

I phoned my bank when I got back cos I was drunk and I'd gone

and got snacks. They were like, your money's gone.

I didn't spend £100. They went, you did, on 7-Eleven.

Ten years of telly down the drain. Come on, let's go and have a nice expensive holiday.

Norway. One reviewer said...

Talk about the magic of the fjords.

Norway is small but exports a lot of gas for its size.

Hashtag relatable. This means high prices and high living standards.

So, cities like Bergen are full of swanky, fancy places to enjoy

and we... won't be going to any of them.

Really is in the middle of nowhere.

Now I know why they're like "Bergen?"

Bergen? Are we still in Bergen?

Idyllically located miles from anywhere. Podtown.

This isn't it though.

It says "Podtown. Your private space in a lively place".

Lively is pushing it.

This can't be it. This is all rusty.

It's definitely it.

The pictures make it look much more glamorous, much more like Japan.

Sort of like pod-living.

Okay, I've got a check-in - instructions. - Okay.

- It's self-cleaning. - Self-cleaning? Fine. We've to clean it ourselves.

There's no private toilet in the unit at the moment.

However, a 24-hour gas station with restroom facilities is just a seven-minute walk away.

I get up at least once for a wee in the night. Reviews?

I mean, let's see what these people say.

- Three stars. - Three stars?

This is a decent place to stay in relation to the price.

It's cheap. Norway, be four billion pounds.

Yeah, I mean this costs the same as a sandwich here.

What? A little impractical. That's illegal.

You can't hire out hotel - We don't know the rules in Norway.

Surely, worldwide. The UN has got to be on this, aren't they?

The important business... Email the UN.

- You wanna see it? - Let's go in. Let's try to be positive.

We're in beautiful country. One reviewer said...

Well, at least it's a bargain. We've paid just £90 a night. Oh, Norway.

Oh. Okay. So, it is...

Oh. It is very... sort of, er...

...sci-fi inside. Look at these lovely chairs. It's a bit of...

...er, fucking mess.

I'm sort of stunned.

Where's the mattresses? And what's this bag of crap?

There's a coke thing. Oh, God, this is someone else's mess. Is it?

They're meant to have cleaned it!

There brown stuff on that towels and that coke

has got lumps of something in it. It does smell a bit. It does smell.

That might be my fear.

- Don't get in it. - Oh, my God. Is it moving? Ugh, God!

How can this be allowed? Sara, there's a toilet.

What you mean? They said you've to go to the petrol station.

They said there's no private toilet. What do you mean?

Oh, my God. It's horrible. It's horrible.

How does someone give it a 3-star review?

Does this work? The door. If this door button works. Hello?

- Come on. - Careful, don't lock yourself.

Just trying to see if the button...

There you go. Privacy for the lady. Now I can have a wee.

I was just trying to see if this button works, but it doesn't.

Can you not open it?

No, I've locked myself in. Have I?

Oh, no! You've locked yourself in! Oh! No! Help!

Help! The murderer!

Don't be so ridiculous.

I thought we've got to get some joy out of this absolute shit-pit.

Something felt off about Podtown.

And it wasn't just the portable toilet full of piss.

I'm just gonna check. Oh, no, no, no. We're not in the right one.

This is, this is our bathroom.

- What? - This is our toilet.

Oh, my God. Ours is round the corner.

Thank God for that.

- D8. D8. - Oh, fingers crossed.

- Come on. - Come on. Come on.

Oh, Sara. It's a win.

It's clean. There's mattresses.

Oh. Nice. Oh. It's really nice.

Luxury is not a pleasure, but pleasure is a luxury.

It's lovely.

Now, we know we've got a private bathroom around the corner.

There's an air outlet and a sleep mode.

- Light. - Ooh!

This is lovely. This is what I was envisioning and I like it very much.

It's like when you've got an all right boyfriend after a really bad man.

We head into town for some food with a skip in our step.

- This is it. This is it. - Oh. The Taste of Norway, baby.

- Ladies first. - Thank you.

Taste of Norway describes itself as an adventurous experience.

So far, so concerning.

Let me read a review to you. Two stars.

"The buffet was unexceptional, and the decor frightful. By the way

"the toilet offered the exotic view of a couple of pair of socks hung up to dry".

That is very strange. I need to see these socks.

Bring us to your socks.

Come into the toilets with me. We've come to Norway. We wanna see your socks.

Oh. It's so clearly a display. It's really cute.

What? People are absolute assholes. Imagine giving a bad review.

They've obviously never been to the theatre.

If anything, I'd say it'd be good if they had a little woman sitting there. I'd go in even more.

So, she was just sitting. Like you have a bathroom attendant.

But I'd have her dressed in the gear like that.

Your socks need washing?

Yeah. This is it. Five stars. Wash your socks.

Right, let's go and have a bit of Taste of Norway.

The Taste Of Norway offers a Norwegian buffet. Two words I've never heard together.

But surely, it's the perfect way to enjoy Norwegian culinary delights.

Like these slices of... brown?

Maybe our host can help.

- Hello. - Hi. Welcome.

This is the buffet. We have four stations. This is the cold, er, start.

- Oh, okay. - And I've just seen you serve whales.

- Yeah, we do. We do. - That's a whale.

It's smaller than I thought.

I don't think it's the whole thing. What else are you killing?

A reindeer? A moose? No one's safe in the woods or the water.

Yeah. I'm gonna have a little bit of this because Sara's vegan.

- Go ahead. - Is there anything veggie?

So, we have bread because this is a very typical Norwegian - I'll have the bread.

Sara does all the bread eating, I do all the meat eating.

Okay, how much am I allowed?

Not too, oh, really? Whoa. Oh, it's really filling.

Yeah, I'm a hungry girl.

Sara had the bread covered so it was down to me to taste every other taste of Norway there is.

Mmm. Ooh, what's this? That is a herring.

Ooh, I'll have a little bowl. This is called Rommegrot.

Good enough for the Vikings good enough for me.

- Fish cakes? - Yes, please. That looks delicious actually.

Reindeer meatballs. - Why not. - Fish soup?

I'll have a bit of that. Get a couple of bits of those. That's a good soup.

You gonna be okay holding these? I'm holding these.

I feel I'm greedy, I've got a helper.

I don't normally get filmed at buffets. Now I see why.

This is a good trial for your OnlyFans.

That's enough though, I don't wanna be a greedy guts.

Right, Sara, let's do this. Look at this.

You've got, er... Some flaps.

Can I get to my bread? You all right?

You've got so much...

Try some of your fishy soup.

I'll tell you what I've got. Fish.

First up, a Scandi classic. Pickled herring.

I feel like a feeder just watching you.

Did you like that? A bit more?

It's actually nice. No, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Nice and then...

Oh... Spit it out.

I just did a...

I look like Hannibal Lecter? I thought...

Joking.

What's that cake like, then?

Well, it is dry cake like they said.

Luckily, I'm being brought some vegan food

by my knight in shining waistcoat.

She was very happy with her 19 bit of bread, though. Thank you.

Thank you. That's really kind. Mmm.

The broccoli is absolutely outstanding.

It's flavoured up the wazoo.

Where is the wazoo on a broccoli?

I'm gonna try this sort of risotto. It's an old Viking dish

- that they had at weddings. - Okay.

To the bride and groom.

Oh, it's good stuff. I think I'm Norwegian in spirit.

Next on the menu, the mystery of the brown slices is solved.

It's Norwegian specialty brown cheese.

Oh, yeah. What?

I've never said "what" through food. What is happening?

There isn't words for this. What happened?

It's toffee! There's a toffee bit. What?

It's turned into toffee. Feels like I'm eating toffees

that have been left on top of cheese.

It's a magical place, Norway. Cheese becomes toffee.

It may be the best thing I've ever tasted. Is it?

Gonna be gross. Are you ready?

I wasn't ready. It's sort of like toffee.

I wasn't ready. And I'll never be ready.

It's like a toffee texture. Yeah, but I believed you.

It didn't need to be shown it out of your mouth.

Let's see what you vegans are sneakily getting up to. Behind our backs.

It will make you realise - hello. Vegans drink like Vikings.

- Oh. - What?

- And eat some mead. - Some mead?

- I'll bring. - Thank you. Thank you very much.

You've got very soft footsteps, I'll tell you that.

Ah, yes, apple juice, the drink of Vikings who are doing dry jam.

- Skal! Skal! - Skal! Skal!

Yeah, we need doggie bags, please.

We're in Norway. One online review says...

Today, we're heading out to see how disgusting it is.

Yeah. Not that disgusting really.

It's so pretty.

I cannot believe how beautiful these wooden houses are.

I like the big mountain behind them.

Bergen means seven mountains or something.

What does "Bergen?" mean? Seven mountains?

Seven? Is there seven mountains?

But Bergen is also one of Norway's busiest ports,

with over 300 cruise ship visits a year.

Taking passengers to see the beautiful fjords.

But I've found a way of getting out on the water without spending a penny.

Or whatever they spend in Norway.

Norwegian pennies.

This is exciting. This is getting right on a fjord.

Couldn't be more Norwegian.

It's free, which is also, couldn't be less Norwegian.

It doesn't cost money, but I think because it's work technically.

- Hello. - Hello, there. Hi, I'm Sara.

- Hi, Andreas. - I'm Roisin, - nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

So, what is this experience? It's basically, er, a concept

where you get to rent a kayak for free. You get out here

and you explore the scenery and then you pick up rubbish

by the coastline. What kind of rubbish do you have out there?

We have all kinds. Beer cans, even have those electric scooters.

And can we keep anything we find, like an electric scooter.

If you want to, but the last time that happened, it exploded outside here.

- What? - So, don't do that.

Basically, you don't have to pay for it if you go and do a job.

- Exactly. - Or something might explode.

Then, when you come back here, you get to weigh the trash,

and it's reported, so they'll know how much trash has been picked.

And what about turning over? What are the chances of us capsizing?

Basically, none.

Will you hear us if we scream?

Oh, Christ. I have a good hearing.

Okay, great. Well, let's hope so. So this is all our stuff.

Today, we're going out canoeing, getting rubbish, saving the world,

as a favour to Norway. You're welcome.

I think we'll probably get NBEs. or whatever the equivalent is in Norway.

Do they have a Royal Family here?

No, they don't. They do have a royal family!

Okay. I think the King is going to give us a prize.

So, how often do you do this?

Well, I help people with it.

You don't actually ever do it yourself?

Nah.

He's never done it.

I mean, that does worry me, Rosh. Well, of course it should.

I'm quite scared of open water.

I lost my voice in open water as a child.

Feels like I'm gonna tip you. It won't, I promise.

Feel like I'm gonna tip. It's not gonna tip.

It's a cold open water.

I always think if I tip over, I'm gonna scream,

but no one's gonna hear me.

Are you gonna undo us? Er, let's see.

All you want is someone who you trust to explain how it works.

Okay, that was the wrong key.

It's the wrong key! Andreas, do you even work here?

Andreas comes out and he said, "I've never been on a kayak."

Then, he couldn't do the keys. I don't think you work here.

You've never done it before. Don't have the right keys. I wandered up here.

Very lovely. It's a little bit frightening.

Eirik to the rescue. Okay, we're ready. We're ready.

There we go.

It's time for us to get out there and clean up this filthy town.

Watch out, I'm about to hit - - something. - God. - Sorry, I've not been very elegant. There we go.

We sort of need to left and right at the same time.

- Okay. - There we go.

Do you reckon next year they'll do Oxford, Cambridge, and then Roisin and Sara in the third boat. Woo!

- Hell. - Try again.

Right. Oh, the wind's not in our favour.

- - No. - Are you rowing? - Yeah. Okay, let's go. Find some litter.

But first, we need to make it out of the harbour.

We need to go around. I'm going to hit this boat if we just drift.

- Let's just... eee. - Oh, dear. Okay. Are you okay?

Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Ah. Oh, no, not again.

It's too late. We're gonna hit this one. Pop.

Shit. We've got our own system really

when you think about it. We sort of boat, like, pinball.

That way or that way?

I'll just go straight out, head for home.

The English Channel. Here we come!

Are there any Norwegian songs for sailing?

Erm, there must be, mustn't there? I don't know what we can...

They don't yodel, do they? - We need like a sea shanty. - Yeah.

There you go high and we go low. Like Norse.

It can't be that different from, like, Scottish.

Imagine Vikings arriving on these boats.

We should've worn little horns in our hats. Maybe that'd be offensive actually.

What's happening? There'd be a bit more litter.

Shall we collect some seaweed?

Well, that's the only thing I think they're, they're very clean.

I haven't seen a single crisp packet.

Not so much as a cigarette butt.

I've not seen one thing. It's a really weird feeling to be disappointed.

That there's not more litter. It's been ravaged by other kayakers.

They've gone in, nothing left.

Norway's too clean!

They've had an absolute run on of people in the green kayaks.

But suddenly, we had bigger problems to deal with.

It's getting very choppy now. Sara. We need to get away from these rocks.

Sara, we need to move. It's mad.

I know, but we're going the wrong way.

We're gonna hit the wall. I know we are. It's too wavy.

Is this what seamen see just before they die?

Quick! Quick! We've got to turn around.

- This is gonna tip us. - I'm trying. Fuck!

There's a GoPro. In the water.

The GoPro's on the rock. GoPro's in the water.

Fuck! It's gone.

We then did smash a GoPro.

It's gone. It's gone. No, it's not. I need the net.

And Sara went to climb out of the boat in the open water to get it.

Don't stand out the boat! I'm just kneeling. I'm just kneeling.

You're gonna tip me in the water. I won't tip you in the water.

Hell.

I thought that was mad.

I can't believe our littering is just us rescuing a GoPro.

We did rescue something. We just sort of had to lose it first.

It's quite an odyssey, really.

I'm soaking. We were heading back with nothing to show but wet socks and a camera

that would never go... pro again.

But then... Oh, there's something in the water.

- It's a banana peel. - A banana peel.

It's a banana peel.

Get it. Get it.

Oh, my God. Yeah!

A biodegradable banana peel.

It doesn't matter. - It was unsightly. - Banana peel.

Yes. It may only be one banana skin but I have contributed

to the removal of rubbish from this beautiful water.

If that banana was still in the sea, I wouldn't have slept tonight.

Oh, shit.

That was lovely and relaxing.

Andreas, we've worked really hard and Norway is welcome for our service.

Can you just tell us how many kilograms of rubbish we collected?

Yeah, let's see. I'm gonna turn this thingy on.

Pretend you've used it before.

Yeah. Stare at it. - Like an alien concept. - Ah, yes.

Yeah, well, it's 0.0 kg. Or 0.0 pounds.

I'm gonna throw it back - in the water. - Lightweight.

They're very healthy. - They weigh nothing. - It's organic.

Listen, Norway is very clean. And why are you luring people out here with this

sort of, like, "We need help, come and clean our waters". It's absolutely spotless out there.

It gives you an opportunity to, to explore the, the coastline

in ways you wouldn't otherwise.

We definitely explored, we saw some of those rocks - really close up. - Yeah.

Exactly.

Anyway, it was really lovely - - to meet you. - Likewise. - Yeah.

It was wonderful fun. Loads of the bad reviews in Norway

are because of how expensive things are.

So, it's a real boon to find something that is completely free and enjoyable.

I can't say if this is a great free way to see Bergen

because I only saw this bit here.

And you can see that from here.

So we decided to see more of the city using a method

so budget-friendly, It was invented before money was even a thing.

Walking.

Oh, it's lovely.

It's lovely. And it's kind of pumping.

- - Yeah. - On a Saturday afternoon. - Yeah.

And my number one criteria for judging the quality of a city...

...dog vibes.

Hello, Snuggles. Boy, hello! Hello, good morning.

Can I say hello to the doggy? - Oh, my God. - Hello, doggy.

Oh, hi! Doggy.

Is this what it's like when you've got a man who keeps looking at other women?

I think the dogs are outstanding and I think that is for me

a big green flag. Do you reckon you could live here?

Yeah. If I ran away from my family.

If I did live here, one thing I'd probably end up doing

is the country's national sport. Skiing.

Seventy percent of Norwegians own a pair of skis.

The other 30%, presumably, just go down on a tea tray.

But how do they practise when there's no snow on the slopes?

We've come to an empty car park to find out.

It feels... Like we're going - to Fight Klub. - Yeah.

Like we're meeting the Romford lot.

Meeting the Romford lot behind the ice rink.

Sort this out once and for all.

Erm, where... I can't see anyone.

I can't even imagine what a roller ski looks like.

I think they do it to practise in when they can't get on the slopes.

So, it's a real like, this is genuinely where they practise, apparently.

Erm, would you like to hear some reviews? One star.

It's excessive, isn't it?

And it's just not a very... as a review it,

it lacks any sort of like... pizzazz.

Look. To add wheels and then go really fast in a car park, - that's fun, right? - Yeah.

If indeed it even exists. Yeah, we haven't seen them yet.

No, it does feel like we're gonna get mugged.

Like we've arranged to come and buy drugs.

No one, no one would mug you in such sort of open space.

Wow. Oh, God, this must be them.

Here they are. The cavalry is arriving.

That is a weird sport.

Okay, they're coming now. We've got to stop laughing. Look serious.

Wow, they're fast.

- Hi! - Hi!

Hi. Oh, they're very... Oh!

- Hello. - Hello! Very good.

Are you allowed to do that in the streets?

We do it anyway. Oh, okay. Bad boys.

Like your style. I'm Roisin. - I'm Sara. Hi. - Hi.

How long have you been doing - this for? - And are you a gang?

Yeah, we would say so.

So we've been practising since we was 12, I think.

- Wow. - Is this very popular in Norway, what you're doing?

Yeah. As we say Norwegian are born with the skis on their feet.

Someone who's given birth twice, I'm like ooh.

And do you do it to practice for the actual slope or is it a separate thing on its own?

Yeah, we're practising for the cross country skis - in the winter. - Okay.

You compete on - In the summer we compete with rubber skis sometimes,

but it's more often in the winter. Okay, I see.

How long do you think it will take us to learn how to do this?

So have you been skiing before or?

No, we've not been skiing ever. So, this is gonna be interesting.

- Yeah. - Balance must be important. Check this out.

Maybe the most important. I can just stay for ages.

Look, they're all like, "Oh, she's gonna be good".

Now to practice for a sport we've never done before on a hard tarmac surface.

When he's taking his left foot down, his right pole is going there.

It's the opposite, like. Okay. Oh!

Always when we come to a country I want to try things that normal tourists don't get a chance to do.

You watch other people going fast on something,

you think, "Ah, that's really fun, let me at 'em".

And then, I was instantly chastened by the danger element.

Oh. Shit. There we go. There we go.

It doesn't feel very elegant when you turn back round.

Oh, you turned though!

Right, okay. I'm going too fast. Stop!

It feels like it's something that someone's cursed us with.

"For the rest of your days, you will have wheels for feet."

Yeah, I'm sort of getting the hang of it.

Yeah, like that, you're doing really great for doing it the first time.

Oh, it was very much an enjoyable experience.

Woo-hoo!

If Roisin had been bit more steady, I think we'd have had more fun,

because I was partly worried.

Oh, God. It's too fast.

How do I stop? Oh!

It's very frightening. Cos you just think you're gonna fall the whole time.

Help! Oh...

It's like ice skating but you normally have something you can hold on to for ages.

And I did, but it was a 16-year-old or, you know,

he was like...

I was just... stay here... Oh, God. ...with your knees a bit tucked.

I wanna stop. But what I'm hoping is in this edit

you'll just speed me up really fast

and put really good music on it, make me look cool.

Morning.

Help, help! Fuck this.

Have you ever done this with anyone worse?

Erm, no not actually.

See, that feels fantastic.

Maybe I'd like skiing as long as it was sort of flat.

I didn't wanna look like I was having a great time

while Roisin was struggling. It was fun.

Absolutely disagreed with the reviews. Didn't think

Norwegians have lost it. This seems to me like common sense.

You can't ski on snow, you popped some wheels on.

Clogs, on the other hand, from Denmark, wooden shoes.

You know? They've lost it.

They're very honest, the Norwegians, I like it.

He said I was the worst person he'd ever done it with. And I'd improve that much.

It sounds exactly like when I lost my virginity.

Okay. Thank you very much. It was lovely to meet you.

I tell you what, turning round is so inelegant.

Bye, guys! Thanks for teaching us!

- - Bye. - Good-bye. - Bye!

Do you think we should skate to our next thing?

What is the next thing? - I don't know. - Hospital.

We're in Norway. Known for fjords,

fisherman's cabins, oh, and black metal.

Famous for its up-tempo songs, Satan worship and church burnings,

Black Metal is Norway's biggest cultural export.

So, to see why the lovely Norwegian people are so keen on this dark music,

we've arranged to meet a local band at their rehearsal space.

Would you like to hear some reviews of black metal music?

Which is so huge in parts of Norway. Such a big question.

I sort of feel like this is the gateway drug to going in there. Go on then.

One star.

Yes.

I'm quite scared of death. I don't like Satan and stuff.

Is it pro-Satan or anti-Satan?

Well, he's just getting a lot of air time.

- Yeah. - What's the band called?

I don't know. We're gonna find out. Oh, Christ.

I don't think it's that.

Vinterbris are a melodic black metal band.

Their name may sound satanic,

but actually it means "winter's breeze".

I think I've got a candle called that.

- We ready? - Yeah.

- We just have to go in. Ready? - Yeah.

First impressions, it was too loud.

If it is, like, can you survive this

I'm probably not gonna be that relaxed.

Sara did some good dancing.

I actually thought it might be my new thing.

Imagine that. "Is Sara coming?" "Which one?"

"Oh, you know the one who's into black metal."

"What? The mum of two from North London?"

"Yeah, she's into black metal now."

It's very much like a panic attack.

And I guess that's the vibe.

Yeah. It's an extreme genre that kind of has a lot of feelings

and the thing is to get that creature out of you.

And heavy metal is huge in Norway.

- Certain parts of it. - Yeah. Black metal it's called, isn't it?

- Black metal. - Why is it called black metal over heavy metal?

More distortion, more kind of gritty sound.

And so what is the vocal? How do you sing?

It's kind of like screaming, you know? But it is. At some point.

- Yeah, scream singing. - Yeah.

You're supposed to like use all the capacity in your lungs.

- Yeah. - And it would be like Ahh!

But then, you'd add even more volume.

Banged your toe. So it'd be (SCREAMS LOUDER) Ahh!

Banged one of your elbow.

And then you could pitch it with your mouth so it can go deeper,

so it could be like Ooh.

Sorry.

But Roisin's got a really scary voice.

I don't know if this is right.

I used to climb inside a duvet cover and pretend to my sister

I was going to another side, I used to do this voice,

I'm going to the other side! You'll never mind me again.

So, you inhale, right? That's another type of style.

I've never done it to, a song. Why don't we...

You do the drums, I do the songs. Can we -Sorry.

We just invited ourselves - into your band. - Do you wanna try?

We're very dark of heart. Then you're welcome. - Thank you. - Great.

You gotta do this one and the leg - at the same time. - Yeah.

And then in between...

I think I can't do the rhythm.

That's the same.

I couldn't hear you cos I was drumming so loud. Were you singing well?

No, I was trying to put... said things like I like cornflakes.

Just positivity.

Didn't look like I was having a great time.

Don't think anyone thinks, "This person's a natural".

Like if black metal's Simon Cowell walked past.

I love people like, "These girls look like they've got something."

That was a very positive song. A natural.

Safe to say our metal is more beige than black.

So, it's over to Vinterbris for one last tune.

Yeah. It's not for me. That's war music.

Sorry, don't everyone start emailing me going,

you're not listening right. I couldn't cos I've already gone deaf.

- - I'm, I'm buzzing. - Yeah. - I feel like I've been at a very short concert.

My ears are buzzing.

We had to run out. I'm being very mean and they seem very nice.

But listen, they'll think the music I like's shit. So...

No one's ever gone on a killing spree after listening to Boyzone.

You're absolutely right, Sara.

After seeing the dark side of Norwegian culture,

it's time to visit somewhere even more unpleasant.

The olden days.

This is very nice. A living museum.

Hello, walls! Are you alive?

I feel like a living museum sometimes.

Living museum for what happened in the '90s.

The museum shows visitors what life was like in 1800s Bergen

with a cast of actors bringing the small town dramas to life.

We're looking forward to Ibsen meets Emmerdale.

"You ate my herring, pickler!" "Yes, I am!"

So, do you wanna hear a review? Yes, please.

Okay. One star.

Okay, I've been called a so-called comedian many, many times.

So, I'm gonna give these so-called actors

the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, this sounds like someone who didn't get the gig.

- A rival from another museum. - Yeah.

- Shitting all over them. - Yeah. Also, I've done jobs like this.

- Yeah. - I've done historical acting in places.

You know, the Meridian in Greenwich.

Telling people about when time was discovered.

You can join in then. Yeah, I will join in.

As soon as I know the facts, I'll be in there. I'll be like, my turn!

All right, let's go in six. It starts in four minutes. Great. Let's go.

I could've told you that if we were on the meridian.

We're just in time to catch a short play about

our favourite topic, dental care.

So, Ladies and gentlemen, come closer. It's nothing to be afraid of.

I'm the dentist by the way.

But as it turns out, only one of the actors has turned up.

I'm just waiting for some customers.

They will arrive quite soon, I hope.

I just have to wait, I'm afraid.

This is where we could get up, do a song and dance for everyone.

What's the best time to visit the dentist? 2:30.

Get 'em warmed up. This stuff.

So, erm...

...we wait for a few minutes and then we are ready.

Trouble is I'm coming up on my third coffee. I need something to happen.

- Oh, God. - I thought they'd be on time.

I don't like waiting.

Are you ready?

- Not yet. - Not yet.

Oh, my God.

I think we should just - create a bit of drama. - Yeah?

- Oh, no! - Oh! It's okay, I'm fine. I'm fine. It's okay.

- It's okay. - She's got a sore tooth.

Yeah, she's just...

- Good acting. - Yeah.

Here we go. - But, why? - You know why.

Oh, God. You're getting married.

So, you've to get all your teeth pulled out now, so your husband

don't have to pay for it - in the future. - All of them?

I got mine out for my confirmation.

Then you got nice new dentures in. It'll be all right.

Welcome, welcome. - I bid you welcome. - Oh!

It's nothing to worry about. It takes about half an hour.

Half an hour? Yes, I'll wait for you here.

This way. Come on.

We have to help that lady.

I disagree with the review. It's good stuff.

Calling it a play is pushing it, but it's a lovely immersive piece.

They use this space well. She runs upstairs, comes out the window,

you're like, "Lovely stuff. Like a Western".

I'm not finished!

She's covered in blood.

I found out awful things. It was quite informative

that all women had to get all their teeth removed before you got married

so your husband didn't have to pay for it. Good performers.

Little bit of gore, tiny little bit of smut.

Come with me and I show you my instruments.

Excuse me.

It was a little bit of a... This is theatre, baby. I'm all for it.

Thank you.

Right, Sara. What next?

- - Voss? - Okay. - Camping, outdoors, stars, women bonding.

So, we've done quite a lot in Bergen,

now, we're gonna see a bit more of the countryside.

And we're gonna go, dare I say it, hellish camping

but somewhere beautiful.

Erm, so go somewhere nice, do an awful thing.

That's sort of the vibe, right?

We're exploring Norway,

a country which has prompted this review.

So, we've decided to see the most FIT landscapes in the world

via the worst thing ever invented, camping.

We've come to the station. We've been lent this stuff for free.

There's a place called BUA and it's like a Christian missionary

and in Norway, they lend it to you for free.

So, you don't have to buy it and have waste.

Just give it back. It's amazing.

And we're going to Voss. Voss. No, camping.

To some beautiful place to do a terrible activity.

- You think it'll convert me? - Yeah.

That's my, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna convert you.

You're gonna become a camping gal. All right, let's go get the train. All right.

You managed to get off a bit - lightly there, didn't you? - I did.

We have left it a little bit late. I meanWe've got so much stuff.

Quick, quick, quick.

Here is three. Oh, hello.

- Snazzy. - Your Majesty.

We're heading east to the small town of Voss.

On a train one passenger described as...

So, we'll fit right in.

Want to hear a review of this train, Sara?

I'd absolutely love one. I can't imagine anyone saying anything negative.

One star.

"The train is not particularly clean or well maintained.

"The toilets had no soap and the seat's very loose.

"The worst train I've ever been on".

Is that King Charles and Camilla? Who, this is so comfy!

It is actually, they've signed it themselves.

"At the end you didn't even see much of the landscape either."

- What! - You know what I reckon they were doing?

They were busy typing in their phone, moaning,

they forgot to look out.

So pretty. Wow.

This is it, isn't it? This is being on holiday.

The bridge, the water. It's so relaxing.

Shrubbery and the big black tunnels.

I guess that's the thing. You got to keep your eyes out

- in case then... Fjord! - Yeah.

Here we go. Let's see what can see.

Let's gulp down some beauty. Num num num, gone.

Oh, gone, yeah.

Feels like a supermarket dash.

Maybe it's like a philosophical lesson.

Appreciate the view while it's there. Your eye's eating it.

- Num num num. - Oh, it's gone.

I'm trying to get the beauty in. Yeah.

In a sort of gluttonous way. Cos I'm trying to enjoy the view

and in my ear I can hear 'num num num num num'.

Num num num num num.

It's sort of undermining it.

Num num num num num.

Here we are.

Voss, baby! Look. A lovely hotel.

Why can't we stay in a hotel in Voss?

Cos the reviews are too good.

But not all reviewers think Voss is boss.

- Some of them are cross. - One star.

"Voss is a small town with little interest in itself. I was bored."

- Hmm. - There's a three star This is more positive.

"I'd say there plenty to do there. You just need to be creative."

- That's us. - Yeah, we're creative. That is us, baby.

Let's go show these mountains a good time.

Voss is mainly a ski resort. But as it's summer, and we've been banned

from ever roller skiing again, we're setting up camp by the lake

to enjoy the Nordic concept of friluftsliv. Or open-air life.

I mean, it is absolutely stunning.

I can't hear anything. Apart from us.

Sometimes zero stars - comes up in our favour. - Yeah.

It's overwhelmingly beautiful. I can't believe people got bored here.

I don't think you need to do anything

but sit and smell that air.

I should have looked up whether Norway has snakes before we went camping.

You say things like this as we approach the campsite.

Right, so it's free roam, right to roam or whatever.

- So, you can camp anywhere? - Yeah.

So we can do it by the beach then. Yeah, let's go down here.

Sure it's legal, Sara? Don't wanna wake up with the Feds round me.

I don't wanna wake up with a bear poking his head through.

- Oh, I'd love that. - Would you?

A cow, a bear, a horse. Yes, please. Yeah. All those big animals.

Yeah. I like a big animal. If you know what I mean.

All right, so I think tent is the most important thing to get up first.

Do you think it's a pop-up or no?

It's definitely not pop-up - because these are separate. - Okay.

Whoo. I will not do this ineptly. - Oh, no. - For women everywhere.

Rosh, we're doing this for women, - I was about to say. - I'm not.

Some women don't give a shit about camping. And that's me.

Right. How do you get in there then, man?

There's this but there's no in.

That's what I thought. There was like a bit of tube inside normally.

Camping is taking everything you do in your normal life and make it more difficult

so when you get home, you really appreciate having a toilet.

Okay. No. That's definitely, I've got definitely in the wrong.

- Stop it. - This is silly.

You think yellow ones to go in the yellow one, red ones to go in the red one?

- - I think that now. - Yeah. - Yeah.

There might be some instructions.

They're Norwegian. Don't mansplain us tent making.

Right. I think this goes in the end of a tube here.

So, this does go here. Yeah, damn, yeah.

- Yes. That's it! - That's it! You've got it! You got in it!

Yeah, you fucker.

It's a lot of admin, camping.

That's the fun of it. That's why, it's not one star, nothing to do.

You've got loads to do. - Just survive? - Yeah.

You don't get this view from a hotel.

This is nice, to be fair. It is nice.

Our tent was up. Now, make flames.

Oh, my God. Roisin! You made a fire!

Yeah, Irish holidays.

They didn't have a central heating in my nan's house, it's fires.

It's very close to our seating area.

I don't think you should put that.

No, I'm putting it here for you to sit on.

I think you could enjoy the fire you made.

Cos I'm a gentleman.

- My lady. - Thank you.

We need to get our snacks.

I think you've to run across really fast. What do you need?

Grab them all.

Careful. It's very flamey.

This is fun, isn't it? Yeah. I just thought of a pun. Wanna hear it?

- Go on. - Roastin' Conaty.

The fire's lovely now. It's lovely and warm.

Camping is a thing I don't love but this has been actually very fun.

I hate it when I'm sort of enjoying things that I sort of am against.

This is a lovely end to what has been a pretty amazing trip.

Yeah. Did you like Bergen? Loved Bergen.

I'm gonna say something. Might be my favourite.

Norway might be expensive, but I think our trip was good value.

It doesn't cost anything to enjoy the scenery,

or hang out with teenagers in an empty car park.

And most importantly, spend some quality time with a friend.

You got yourself locked in! Help! Help! Help!

My review is four fjord banana peels out of five.

Norway, I love you. Five stars. Absolutely wonderful place.

That blue coat I bought in Bergen, I lost it.

I'm using this time to appeal for anyone to find that coat.

I lost it in Wales. Or someone in Norway send me another one.

Five stars Norway. Love you.

Well, we've got a long night ahead.

- Yeah. - We need to tell scary stories or something.

I was once camping with Roisin and we both caught fire.

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