All language subtitles for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air S05E03 WEB [1080p].en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,433 --> 00:00:03,666 - Yo, Nicky, you ready? - 'Almost.' 2 00:00:04,391 --> 00:00:05,608 Hurry up, man, we got to get on. 3 00:00:08,524 --> 00:00:09,600 Where's Nicky? 4 00:00:09,621 --> 00:00:11,683 Today is Children's Day at the Nixon Library. 5 00:00:12,690 --> 00:00:14,651 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, man. 6 00:00:14,672 --> 00:00:16,603 Nicky's going with me. 7 00:00:16,623 --> 00:00:19,480 I'm taking him to the sorority beach volleyball tournament. 8 00:00:19,499 --> 00:00:22,577 Mm. Two hundred honeys bumping and spiking. 9 00:00:22,599 --> 00:00:23,705 You know what I mean? 10 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,636 Heh. You know what I mean? 11 00:00:27,587 --> 00:00:30,806 Yeah, you don't know what I mean. 12 00:00:30,827 --> 00:00:33,775 Will, you're just Nicky's cousin, I'm his brother. 13 00:00:33,794 --> 00:00:35,806 I'm a big branch of his family tree. 14 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,795 Mm. Then why are your limbs so short? 15 00:00:40,715 --> 00:00:42,727 Fine. But let's see what my father thinks about this. 16 00:00:42,748 --> 00:00:45,806 Alright, alright, you big baby. 17 00:00:46,801 --> 00:00:48,863 Fine, Nicky can go with you. 18 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,956 Y'all just have fun. 19 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,762 - Really? - Yeah, sure, man. 20 00:00:53,783 --> 00:00:54,930 Oh, don't forget your flag, though. 21 00:00:54,949 --> 00:00:56,700 I mean, what's a day at the Nixon Library 22 00:00:56,721 --> 00:00:57,717 without Old Glory, huh? 23 00:00:57,737 --> 00:00:59,920 - Oh, good call. - Alright. 24 00:00:59,939 --> 00:01:02,927 [Will laughing] 25 00:01:02,948 --> 00:01:04,004 (Carlton) 'Hey!' 26 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,766 'Hey!' 27 00:01:07,786 --> 00:01:11,045 Everybody going to the beach say, "Kowabunga!" 28 00:01:11,066 --> 00:01:14,082 - Kowabunga! - Ha-ha-ha. 29 00:01:14,101 --> 00:01:16,010 [theme song] 30 00:01:16,031 --> 00:01:17,950 ♪ Now this is a story ♪ 31 00:01:17,969 --> 00:01:21,056 ♪ All about how my life got flipped turned upside down ♪ 32 00:01:21,077 --> 00:01:23,179 ♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪ 33 00:01:23,199 --> 00:01:25,017 ♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪ 34 00:01:25,036 --> 00:01:26,275 ♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪ 35 00:01:35,292 --> 00:01:38,246 ♪ In West Philadelphia born and raised ♪ 36 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,449 ♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪ 37 00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:42,521 ♪ Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool ♪ 38 00:01:42,541 --> 00:01:45,415 ♪ And all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school ♪ 39 00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:47,556 ♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪ 40 00:01:47,577 --> 00:01:50,379 ♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪ 41 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,613 ♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said ♪ 42 00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:55,475 ♪ You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪ 43 00:01:55,496 --> 00:01:57,506 ♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪ 44 00:01:57,526 --> 00:01:59,689 ♪ The license plate said Fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪ 45 00:01:59,709 --> 00:02:01,811 ♪ If anything I could say that this cab was rare ♪ 46 00:02:01,832 --> 00:02:05,843 ♪ But I thought nah forget it yo homes to Bel-Air ♪ 47 00:02:05,863 --> 00:02:08,940 ♪ I pulled up to the house about seven or eight ♪ 48 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,925 ♪ And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later ♪ 49 00:02:11,945 --> 00:02:14,006 ♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪ 50 00:02:14,747 --> 00:02:17,022 ♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪ 51 00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:32,190 [instrumental music] 52 00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:35,134 Whoa, nice flowers. Another stalker? 53 00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:37,165 [scoffs] I wish. 54 00:02:37,185 --> 00:02:39,145 I had a problem at the studio today. 55 00:02:39,166 --> 00:02:40,259 What happened? 56 00:02:40,278 --> 00:02:42,253 Well, I was late for my talk-show taping 57 00:02:42,274 --> 00:02:44,409 so I parked in the first space I could find. 58 00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:47,217 I found out later it was Leeza Gibbons' spot 59 00:02:47,236 --> 00:02:49,271 and she had my car towed. 60 00:02:49,292 --> 00:02:50,395 [sighs] I was so upset 61 00:02:50,415 --> 00:02:53,172 I sent these flowers to cheer myself up. 62 00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:58,255 Man, now who does a thing like that? 63 00:02:58,275 --> 00:03:00,300 I know, can you believe her? 64 00:03:03,288 --> 00:03:04,461 I don't care how high her ratings are 65 00:03:05,183 --> 00:03:08,431 nobody treats Hilary Banks like this. I'll get her. 66 00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:10,485 And her little car too. 67 00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:14,456 You're not taking them diet pills again, are you? 68 00:03:14,476 --> 00:03:17,294 Will, you have to help me think of a way to get even with her. 69 00:03:17,313 --> 00:03:18,446 Forgive me for asking 70 00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:21,324 but why are you involving Master William in this? 71 00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:24,272 Well, Will's come a long way from Philly, but let's face it 72 00:03:24,292 --> 00:03:25,364 he's still a common street hood 73 00:03:25,384 --> 00:03:27,490 from the wrong side of the tracks. 74 00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:29,254 So will you help me? 75 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,464 Oh, gee, you know, when you put it that way, no. 76 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,503 Will, I'm begging you. 77 00:03:36,522 --> 00:03:38,557 Look, come on, girl, that's vandalism you're talking about. 78 00:03:39,279 --> 00:03:40,362 No. 79 00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:42,558 Oh, I do remember this one time, though 80 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,285 me and my homies was trying to get even with this gym teacher 81 00:03:45,305 --> 00:03:46,338 that was gettin' on our nerves 82 00:03:46,357 --> 00:03:47,480 my man Chill took a key 83 00:03:47,501 --> 00:03:49,346 scratched all up the side of the paint. 84 00:03:49,365 --> 00:03:51,490 I took a potato, right, rammed it up in the tailpipe. 85 00:03:51,511 --> 00:03:55,532 Dude came out, started that joint, it was like "Kaboom!" 86 00:03:55,552 --> 00:03:57,577 Boom! 87 00:03:59,382 --> 00:04:02,329 What a wonderful lesson for Master Nicky. 88 00:04:02,349 --> 00:04:04,595 Perhaps now you could teach him to run with scissors. 89 00:04:07,362 --> 00:04:10,450 Come on, G, Nicky knows that vandalism ain't cool, right? 90 00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:12,425 - Right. - Alright, come on, let's go. 91 00:04:12,445 --> 00:04:13,618 [grunts] Get down to this beach. 92 00:04:13,638 --> 00:04:15,643 Get with these honeys, you know what I mean? 93 00:04:17,647 --> 00:04:20,655 Geoffrey, if I were a potato, where would I be? 94 00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:28,667 - Where're you two going? - Oh, to the beach. 95 00:04:28,687 --> 00:04:33,459 Yeah, me and Will are going trolling for slimmies. 96 00:04:36,556 --> 00:04:37,528 He be tripping. 97 00:04:37,548 --> 00:04:39,433 [chuckles] 98 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:42,591 No, he, he-he mean, we gonna play in the sand. 99 00:04:42,612 --> 00:04:45,680 Look, Ashley, it's daddy's mad face. 100 00:04:49,479 --> 00:04:50,582 Come on, Nicky, let's go upstairs 101 00:04:50,602 --> 00:04:52,677 before daddy's head explodes. 102 00:04:52,698 --> 00:04:55,515 Will, at this age, Nicky is like a sponge. 103 00:04:55,534 --> 00:04:57,680 If he hears something he likes, he's gonna imitate it. 104 00:04:57,701 --> 00:04:59,726 Oh, kind of like Michael Bolton. 105 00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:03,726 Look, maybe you've been spending too much time with Nicky. 106 00:05:03,745 --> 00:05:06,663 In fact, doesn't Carlton have some plans for this afternoon? 107 00:05:06,683 --> 00:05:08,528 Oh, yeah, and where is he? 108 00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:10,564 I know he better have a daggone good excuse 109 00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:12,518 for standing Nicky up. 110 00:05:12,538 --> 00:05:14,573 Will locked me in the closet. 111 00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,634 [scoffs] That's so tired. 112 00:05:19,726 --> 00:05:20,799 (Will) 'Alright, alright, Uncle Phil.' 113 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,615 I just wanted to take the kid to 114 00:05:22,635 --> 00:05:24,800 his first bikini volleyball tournament. 115 00:05:24,819 --> 00:05:27,777 I do not want my little boy exposed to that much sex. 116 00:05:27,798 --> 00:05:30,575 Uh, oh, don't worry, mom, it only happened once. 117 00:05:35,757 --> 00:05:37,672 Y-you meant Nicky, didn't you? 118 00:05:42,686 --> 00:05:44,681 I read that Dougie is gonna be appearing 119 00:05:44,701 --> 00:05:45,714 down at the mall today. 120 00:05:45,733 --> 00:05:46,819 Oh. Dougie? 121 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,653 That big, dumb, orange whale 122 00:05:48,673 --> 00:05:50,615 that be singing them stupid songs? 123 00:05:50,635 --> 00:05:52,617 Hey, those songs are life-affirming little ditties 124 00:05:52,636 --> 00:05:54,808 that bring joy to the young and the young at heart. 125 00:05:54,828 --> 00:05:58,593 ♪ I love everything big and small ♪ 126 00:05:58,613 --> 00:06:02,807 ♪ Cute and ugly I love them all ♪♪ 127 00:06:03,526 --> 00:06:05,607 Would you like to go see Dougie at the mall today? 128 00:06:05,627 --> 00:06:07,709 Dougie? Cool! 129 00:06:07,729 --> 00:06:09,502 Okay, whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute. 130 00:06:09,521 --> 00:06:10,637 Wait a minute. Come on, time out. 131 00:06:10,658 --> 00:06:13,547 Now, can-can we think about this for a second, please? 132 00:06:13,566 --> 00:06:16,515 Now, Dougie loves everything. 133 00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,578 People, am I the only one that finds something 134 00:06:18,596 --> 00:06:20,559 terribly wrong with that? 135 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,648 ♪ I love bugs and I love death ♪ 136 00:06:23,668 --> 00:06:27,513 ♪ I love oozing flesh wounds ♪ 137 00:06:27,533 --> 00:06:28,539 Mommy! Mommy! 138 00:06:28,558 --> 00:06:30,580 Will! Will! 139 00:06:30,601 --> 00:06:31,607 What the hell is wrong with you? 140 00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:32,662 Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Phil. 141 00:06:32,682 --> 00:06:35,491 I didn't know he was gonna act like that. 142 00:06:35,512 --> 00:06:37,634 Alright, look, at least can I take him to the mall? 143 00:06:37,653 --> 00:06:41,429 - Are we gonna go see Dougie? - Yeah, that's right. 144 00:06:41,449 --> 00:06:43,371 Me and you. Oh. 145 00:06:43,391 --> 00:06:46,489 If we hurry out of there, we can make it to the victory swim. 146 00:06:46,509 --> 00:06:49,527 [instrumental music] 147 00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:55,585 Hey, unhand me. 148 00:06:57,378 --> 00:06:59,480 Sir, the floor seating is for children only. 149 00:06:59,499 --> 00:07:01,561 Now sit in the chair like a grown-up. 150 00:07:01,581 --> 00:07:05,486 - Where's Dougie? - Well, he is a whale. 151 00:07:05,507 --> 00:07:07,340 Maybe we should go look for him at the beach. 152 00:07:07,359 --> 00:07:08,365 - Okay. - Yes! 153 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,372 [instrumental music] 154 00:07:09,392 --> 00:07:12,460 [cheering] 155 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,443 It's Dougie! 156 00:07:14,461 --> 00:07:17,320 I love you, everybody. 157 00:07:17,341 --> 00:07:21,286 (all) We love you, Dougie! 158 00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:23,307 Let's all do the welcome song. 159 00:07:23,328 --> 00:07:25,360 Everyone sing and dance along. 160 00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:27,323 [music continues] 161 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,317 ♪ It's nice to be here with you my friends ♪ 162 00:07:31,336 --> 00:07:33,359 ♪ My lovely friendly friendly friends ♪ 163 00:07:33,379 --> 00:07:35,371 ♪ I love you all so much my friends ♪ 164 00:07:35,392 --> 00:07:37,414 ♪ I like my big friends ♪ 165 00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:39,226 [microphone squealing] 166 00:07:39,247 --> 00:07:41,419 Hey, someone check the damn level. 167 00:07:45,273 --> 00:07:46,309 [grunts] 168 00:07:46,329 --> 00:07:48,162 [instrumental music] 169 00:07:49,408 --> 00:07:52,177 ♪ It's nice to be here with you my friends ♪ 170 00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:54,219 ♪ My little friends my happy friends ♪ 171 00:07:54,238 --> 00:07:56,211 ♪ It's nice to be here with you my friends ♪ 172 00:07:56,231 --> 00:07:57,267 ♪ My cutie little friend.. ♪♪ 173 00:07:57,287 --> 00:07:58,293 [microphone squealing] 174 00:07:58,314 --> 00:07:59,370 That's it. 175 00:08:00,086 --> 00:08:01,241 You SOBs better pull your thumbs out 176 00:08:01,261 --> 00:08:03,303 and get your freaking acts together. 177 00:08:08,135 --> 00:08:10,277 What's wrong with Dougie? 178 00:08:10,297 --> 00:08:13,235 I think something must have crawled up his blowhole. 179 00:08:13,256 --> 00:08:15,099 (all) Dougie! Dougie! 180 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:17,271 Dougie! Dougie! Dougie! 181 00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:19,043 Let's get out of here. 182 00:08:19,064 --> 00:08:20,229 The last time a Dougie concert was canceled 183 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:23,098 the kids went crazy and trashed a babyGap. 184 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,159 Shut up, Carlton. 185 00:08:25,179 --> 00:08:28,208 I'mma go back there, I'mma have a mammal-to-mammal with Dougie. 186 00:08:28,227 --> 00:08:30,987 Go get Nicky and calm this crowd down. 187 00:08:31,008 --> 00:08:32,024 Come on, Nicky. 188 00:08:34,066 --> 00:08:35,110 Sit right here. 189 00:08:36,103 --> 00:08:37,238 Maestro. 190 00:08:37,962 --> 00:08:40,995 [instrumental music] 191 00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:52,171 Excuse me. Mr. Dougie? How you doing? 192 00:08:53,285 --> 00:08:55,263 Um, I was wondering when you were coming back out there 193 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,333 'cause, you know, we've been waiting for you all day. 194 00:08:58,055 --> 00:08:59,270 Aren't you a little old for this crap? 195 00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,328 Uh-huh. Yeah, but my cousin isn't. 196 00:09:03,347 --> 00:09:06,088 You know, he-he came here to see a show. 197 00:09:06,108 --> 00:09:08,267 Yeah? What'd he pay for the ticket? 198 00:09:08,288 --> 00:09:10,186 Nothin'. It was free. 199 00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:13,329 Then the little brat got his money's worth. Now beat it. 200 00:09:17,395 --> 00:09:18,410 [chuckles] 201 00:09:19,354 --> 00:09:21,353 Um, look here 202 00:09:21,373 --> 00:09:24,215 you big orange Moby Dick. 203 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,385 Listen, hotshot, I know this isn't as glamorous 204 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:34,256 as your job down at the mini-mart.. 205 00:09:34,277 --> 00:09:35,451 ..but I make an honest day's work. 206 00:09:35,471 --> 00:09:38,413 And who the hell are you to look down on me, huh, punk? 207 00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:40,412 [chuckles] 208 00:09:40,432 --> 00:09:42,380 You pushed me, called me punk. That's funny. 209 00:09:42,399 --> 00:09:45,412 Listen, um, I'll tell you what. 210 00:09:45,433 --> 00:09:47,522 Why don't you just put your hat on.. 211 00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:49,278 [sighs] 212 00:09:52,552 --> 00:09:54,319 ...go head back out there 213 00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:55,494 do what you gotta do for the kids 214 00:09:55,515 --> 00:09:57,553 'cause, you know, they're really looking forward to it. Alright? 215 00:09:57,572 --> 00:10:01,318 Tough guy, huh? I'm so scared. 216 00:10:02,544 --> 00:10:05,386 I think you better keep your fins off me, alright? 217 00:10:05,406 --> 00:10:06,491 Why, what are you gonna do, huh? 218 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:08,558 What are you gonna do, wise guy, huh? 219 00:10:10,496 --> 00:10:12,354 I think you better keep your fins off me. 220 00:10:12,374 --> 00:10:13,378 Oh, yeah? 221 00:10:13,398 --> 00:10:14,483 [Will groans] 222 00:10:14,503 --> 00:10:15,527 Oh, it's on now. 223 00:10:15,547 --> 00:10:16,582 [Will yells] 224 00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:20,558 Okay, time for another song. 225 00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:21,614 (all) Aww. 226 00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:23,501 [Will yells] 227 00:10:23,521 --> 00:10:25,630 [children yelling] 228 00:10:25,650 --> 00:10:26,675 [Dougie groans] 229 00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,531 [Will yells] 230 00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:29,646 [Will grunts] 231 00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:31,716 What're you doing to Dougie? 232 00:10:34,537 --> 00:10:39,478 Oh. W-we was just. we was playing, y'all. 233 00:10:39,497 --> 00:10:41,545 Hey, sorry. 234 00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:43,766 (Dougie) I need a drink. 235 00:10:44,489 --> 00:10:45,654 You hurt Dougie. 236 00:10:45,673 --> 00:10:48,535 I hate you, Will. 237 00:10:48,555 --> 00:10:49,740 Nicky. 238 00:10:49,761 --> 00:10:51,548 [sobbing] You see? 239 00:10:54,660 --> 00:10:55,714 - Get him! - No. 240 00:10:55,736 --> 00:10:57,714 [children yelling] 241 00:10:57,734 --> 00:11:00,636 [instrumental music] 242 00:11:03,698 --> 00:11:06,760 Mom, presenting the all new and improved Nicholas Banks. 243 00:11:10,698 --> 00:11:12,776 Look at you. 244 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,755 Nicky and I are gonna be spending a lot more time 245 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,662 together, especially since he's.. 246 00:11:17,897 --> 00:11:20,889 ...M-A-D at W-I-L-L. 247 00:11:22,768 --> 00:11:24,756 How do you like your new clothes, baby? 248 00:11:24,776 --> 00:11:28,863 Mommy, I...H-A-T-E them. 249 00:11:30,892 --> 00:11:32,910 From now on, it's you and me, Nicky. 250 00:11:32,930 --> 00:11:35,702 The fabulous Banks boys. 251 00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:36,996 Great. 252 00:11:37,719 --> 00:11:38,874 Hey, what's up, everybody? 253 00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,825 Nicky. 254 00:11:43,846 --> 00:11:47,029 He's still mad at you, and so am I. 255 00:11:47,752 --> 00:11:49,017 Oh, please leave me alone, Carlton. 256 00:11:49,036 --> 00:11:52,882 I already had to go through this for 40 hours with Uncle Phil. 257 00:11:52,902 --> 00:11:54,911 I made a mistake. 258 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,969 That's why I bought this train set. 259 00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:58,999 Well, it's a start. 260 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,033 Thanks. 261 00:12:03,075 --> 00:12:05,917 Will, when I was a little girl, I got so mad at your mother 262 00:12:05,938 --> 00:12:08,850 I stopped speaking to her for weeks. 263 00:12:08,869 --> 00:12:10,094 [scoffs] Really? 264 00:12:10,114 --> 00:12:13,940 It's hard to imagine you being quiet for that long, Aunt Viv. 265 00:12:13,961 --> 00:12:15,979 [laughing] 266 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,118 Go on. 267 00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:22,999 She gave away one of my favorite toys. 268 00:12:23,019 --> 00:12:24,917 It was a Raggedy Ann doll. 269 00:12:25,197 --> 00:12:27,115 But I got over it. 270 00:12:27,136 --> 00:12:29,194 Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, my mom told me about that. 271 00:12:29,214 --> 00:12:31,061 Didn't you chop the head off her teddy bear 272 00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:32,146 and flush it down the toilet? 273 00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,119 That's how I got over it. 274 00:12:42,147 --> 00:12:43,172 Look at this. 275 00:12:46,174 --> 00:12:49,076 "Powerful earthquake rattles Northern Coast." 276 00:12:49,097 --> 00:12:50,302 Oh, boo-hoo. 277 00:12:52,069 --> 00:12:53,103 This. 278 00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:57,150 "Television personality Leeza Gibbons 279 00:12:57,170 --> 00:12:59,118 "was shocked to learn that the woman attempting 280 00:12:59,139 --> 00:13:01,087 "to vandalize her car was none other than 281 00:13:01,106 --> 00:13:03,346 rival talk-show host Hilary Banks." 282 00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:05,144 [grunts] 283 00:13:05,164 --> 00:13:08,207 "Banks, seen here wielding a potato.." 284 00:13:08,226 --> 00:13:11,228 Wielding? I was not wielding, I was rubbing. 285 00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:13,337 I rubbed that damn potato all over Leeza's car 286 00:13:13,358 --> 00:13:15,316 and it didn't make a scratch. 287 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,355 [Hilary panting] 288 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,241 At least they didn't catch me putting my keys 289 00:13:21,261 --> 00:13:22,315 in her exhaust pipe. 290 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,362 Hilary, you were suppo.. 291 00:13:26,382 --> 00:13:28,193 Never mind. 292 00:13:28,212 --> 00:13:29,243 [sighs] 293 00:13:30,264 --> 00:13:32,246 [sighs] 294 00:13:34,257 --> 00:13:35,408 Hey, Nicky. 295 00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,440 What's all this? 296 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,432 His Dougie toys, he's giving them all away. 297 00:13:41,451 --> 00:13:45,323 I'm not worthy, thanks to you. 298 00:13:45,343 --> 00:13:47,444 Nicky, Nicky, come here, come here. Listen. 299 00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:49,307 You don't understand, man. 300 00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:52,247 Listen, I-I wasn't rumbling with Dougie. 301 00:13:52,268 --> 00:13:55,250 I was rumbling with the guy inside Dougie. 302 00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:58,222 Oh, right, the guy inside Dougie. 303 00:13:59,432 --> 00:14:00,443 [sighs] 304 00:14:02,285 --> 00:14:05,227 Th-that damn whale got him brainwashed. 305 00:14:05,247 --> 00:14:07,258 Will, Nicky believes in Dougie the same way 306 00:14:07,278 --> 00:14:08,359 he believes in Santa Claus. 307 00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:10,470 - So? - Well, Dougie's his hero. 308 00:14:11,190 --> 00:14:13,311 Didn't you have any heroes when you were a little kid? 309 00:14:13,331 --> 00:14:15,352 Yeah, Shaft. 310 00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,334 And how did you feel when you found out 311 00:14:18,354 --> 00:14:20,365 that Shaft wasn't real? 312 00:14:20,386 --> 00:14:23,268 What're you talking about? 313 00:14:23,288 --> 00:14:25,350 No, I'm saying, he-he was based on an actual guy. 314 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,311 No, he wasn't. 315 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,232 He was too, Ashley. 316 00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:32,473 Shaft is fictional, Will. 317 00:14:33,195 --> 00:14:35,256 I'm saying, he went to Africa and everything. 318 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,308 Will, you can't tell Nicky that Dougie isn't real. 319 00:14:39,328 --> 00:14:41,239 Why don't you take him down to the mall 320 00:14:41,259 --> 00:14:43,490 and let him see you apologize to Dougie? 321 00:14:44,211 --> 00:14:46,402 I thought of that, just he ain't there no more. 322 00:14:46,423 --> 00:14:49,225 - Well, where is he? - In rehab. 323 00:14:51,326 --> 00:14:54,378 Well, Will, you have to do something. 324 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,389 [Ashley sighs] 325 00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:59,471 It's like he lost his best friend. 326 00:15:01,242 --> 00:15:03,283 Yep, I know the feeling. 327 00:15:04,455 --> 00:15:07,457 [music continues] 328 00:15:14,341 --> 00:15:15,352 Geoffrey. 329 00:15:16,342 --> 00:15:17,363 Geoffrey! 330 00:15:18,242 --> 00:15:19,343 Geoffrey! 331 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,476 Yes, Ms. Hilary? 332 00:15:23,496 --> 00:15:27,238 I have been calling you for 15 minutes. Didn't you hear me? 333 00:15:27,258 --> 00:15:31,311 Yes, but I so rarely have a woman scream my name.. 334 00:15:33,272 --> 00:15:34,513 I was rather enjoying it. 335 00:15:37,365 --> 00:15:39,356 I need to tape Leeza Gibbons' show. 336 00:15:39,376 --> 00:15:41,417 I'm gonna record every nasty thing she says about me 337 00:15:41,438 --> 00:15:44,520 and then I'm gonna sue her for definition of character. 338 00:15:45,241 --> 00:15:45,501 [sighs] 339 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,291 Now, how do you turn this on? 340 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:50,364 Why don't you just use the VCR? 341 00:15:51,414 --> 00:15:55,266 Geoffrey, if I knew how to use the VCR 342 00:15:55,286 --> 00:15:56,457 would I need this camera? 343 00:15:56,478 --> 00:15:58,519 No, I would not. 344 00:15:58,538 --> 00:16:01,350 Oh, it's already started. It's already started. Turn it on. 345 00:16:01,371 --> 00:16:02,502 (Gibbons) 'So that's all coming up today.' 346 00:16:02,521 --> 00:16:05,413 But we'll get to that in a moment. 347 00:16:05,433 --> 00:16:09,375 First, I wanna talk about this so-called feud 348 00:16:09,395 --> 00:16:11,416 going on between Hilary Banks and me. 349 00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:13,478 Now, Hilary, you and I 350 00:16:13,499 --> 00:16:15,530 we're part of a very special sorority. 351 00:16:15,549 --> 00:16:18,391 A sort of sisterhood of talk-show hosts. 352 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:21,443 I love your show and I wish you lots of success. 353 00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:24,436 So, what do you say? Let's bury the hatchet. 354 00:16:24,456 --> 00:16:27,438 Ooh, that witch! 355 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:31,340 So you see it too. 356 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,531 All I see is a beautiful woman 357 00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:35,392 perched atop two of the most finely sculpted legs 358 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:36,452 I've ever seen. 359 00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:39,335 Oh, like those are real. 360 00:16:41,456 --> 00:16:44,468 [music continues] 361 00:16:46,329 --> 00:16:47,570 Whoa. 362 00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:51,342 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, the pogmeister's in the house. 363 00:16:51,363 --> 00:16:53,374 - Who wants some? - Well, looks like I'm out. 364 00:16:53,394 --> 00:16:54,435 You know, here's Will. Maybe he can give you 365 00:16:54,454 --> 00:16:56,285 some competition, huh, Nicky? 366 00:16:56,305 --> 00:16:58,336 I'm not in the mood. 367 00:17:02,299 --> 00:17:03,480 Gets that from his mother. 368 00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:06,492 You know what that kid's problem is, Uncle Phil? 369 00:17:06,513 --> 00:17:08,434 His values is all messed up, man. 370 00:17:08,454 --> 00:17:11,356 Any other normal kid, you could just buy their love back. 371 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,541 This has really upset you, hasn't it? 372 00:17:14,561 --> 00:17:16,389 [sighs] 373 00:17:16,409 --> 00:17:18,568 You was right, man, I'm a terrible role model. 374 00:17:18,588 --> 00:17:20,366 Oh! 375 00:17:20,386 --> 00:17:21,581 I ain't never having no kids. 376 00:17:21,601 --> 00:17:24,484 Well, now, Will, as much as the idea of your reproducing 377 00:17:24,505 --> 00:17:26,644 scares the hell out of me 378 00:17:27,366 --> 00:17:28,611 I think you'll make a great father. 379 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,529 I mean, everybody makes mistakes with their kids. 380 00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:32,418 The important thing is to admit 381 00:17:32,438 --> 00:17:34,627 when you're wrong and to apologize. 382 00:17:34,647 --> 00:17:36,656 How come you don't ever do that? 383 00:17:36,676 --> 00:17:38,423 Don't question me. 384 00:17:48,578 --> 00:17:50,687 Hey, Nicky. 385 00:17:54,613 --> 00:17:55,658 Mind if I join you? 386 00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:09,707 Wow. I didn't know you could read the paper. 387 00:18:09,728 --> 00:18:11,737 I can't. 388 00:18:13,745 --> 00:18:15,613 Nicky, listen.. 389 00:18:15,632 --> 00:18:17,741 Now, there's something I need to tell you about Dougie. 390 00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,791 And not just him neither, it's-it's the Easter Bunny 391 00:18:19,811 --> 00:18:21,699 and the Tooth Fairy. All of 'em. 392 00:18:21,719 --> 00:18:23,648 What about them? 393 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,635 Well, you're getting to be a big boy now. 394 00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:27,614 Sooner or later you're gonna find out that none of them.. 395 00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:28,658 [knocking] 396 00:18:30,888 --> 00:18:34,724 - None of them are what? - Uh.. 397 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:37,798 Here, r-read the personals, Nicky. 398 00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:41,895 Yo, hottie. 399 00:18:41,916 --> 00:18:42,930 Yo. 400 00:19:02,765 --> 00:19:03,850 What's up, baby? 401 00:19:03,869 --> 00:19:04,953 Freeze, munchkins! 402 00:19:04,974 --> 00:19:06,822 [Santa laughs] 403 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:09,824 They're not munchkins, son, they're elves. 404 00:19:12,867 --> 00:19:13,902 Oh, yeah? 405 00:19:14,916 --> 00:19:15,950 Who are you, Keebler? 406 00:19:15,971 --> 00:19:17,046 [Santa laughs] 407 00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:20,069 Oh, boy, you're not even close. 408 00:19:20,089 --> 00:19:22,078 Alright, look here, dude. Check it out. Um.. 409 00:19:22,098 --> 00:19:23,986 I'm about to give a little ring-a-ding-ding 410 00:19:24,006 --> 00:19:25,121 to Bel-Air Security, right? 411 00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:29,056 So if you and any of your little friends took anything 412 00:19:29,078 --> 00:19:30,112 you better put it back. 413 00:19:30,132 --> 00:19:31,980 Now you hold on there, young man. 414 00:19:31,999 --> 00:19:34,058 Nobody talks to Santa Claus like that. 415 00:19:35,002 --> 00:19:36,127 Oh, I'm sorry. 416 00:19:36,148 --> 00:19:38,920 Santa Claus. Right on, yeah. 417 00:19:38,939 --> 00:19:41,118 Everybody knows Santa Claus is a Clippers fan. 418 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,017 I am not. 419 00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:45,216 I just can't move these things. 420 00:19:45,236 --> 00:19:47,124 Now, you listen to me, sonny. 421 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,053 I don't usually make off-season visits 422 00:19:49,072 --> 00:19:51,000 but you were about to do something terrible 423 00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:52,075 to your cousin Nicky. 424 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:57,086 You don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you? 425 00:19:57,106 --> 00:19:58,281 - No. - No, of course you don't. 426 00:19:59,006 --> 00:20:01,074 Maybe this year I'll put a brain in your stocking. 427 00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:09,139 Why do these make-believe guys keep pushing me? 428 00:20:09,158 --> 00:20:11,217 Come on over here. Sit down, right here. 429 00:20:13,135 --> 00:20:14,149 Unh-unh. 430 00:20:15,334 --> 00:20:16,359 [chuckles] 431 00:20:19,111 --> 00:20:20,306 Now, what are you talking about with Nicky? 432 00:20:22,224 --> 00:20:23,238 Will.. 433 00:20:26,161 --> 00:20:27,416 ...being a child today is tougher 434 00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,379 than any time that I can remember. 435 00:20:30,399 --> 00:20:32,267 But Nicky.. 436 00:20:32,288 --> 00:20:35,311 Nicky is blessed with a very precious gift. 437 00:20:35,331 --> 00:20:37,169 Innocence. 438 00:20:37,188 --> 00:20:39,257 And you were about to take that away from him. 439 00:20:40,342 --> 00:20:42,210 No, I-I didn't wanna do that. 440 00:20:42,229 --> 00:20:43,485 I'm.. I just don't want him to be mad at me forever. 441 00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:46,498 Aw, Will, nothing is forever with children. 442 00:20:47,221 --> 00:20:49,460 They grow up and they forget. 443 00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:52,292 Hey, remember something.. 444 00:20:53,498 --> 00:20:56,390 You used to believe in me once. 445 00:20:56,411 --> 00:20:58,490 Maybe you ought to try believing in me again. 446 00:20:59,404 --> 00:21:00,438 [chuckles] 447 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,424 Oh, here, here. 448 00:21:04,445 --> 00:21:05,480 You be a good boy. 449 00:21:07,588 --> 00:21:10,310 And tell Carlton to stop faxing me. 450 00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:12,368 I cannot get him into Princeton. 451 00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:19,520 [bells jingling] 452 00:21:21,397 --> 00:21:23,446 (Nicky) 'Will! Will!' 453 00:21:23,466 --> 00:21:25,484 Nicky! 454 00:21:25,506 --> 00:21:26,550 Nicky. 455 00:21:26,570 --> 00:21:28,508 Hey. 456 00:21:28,528 --> 00:21:29,663 Santa was here. 457 00:21:29,682 --> 00:21:31,480 Did you see him? 458 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,479 Uh, yeah, we was kicking it in the pool house. 459 00:21:33,499 --> 00:21:36,492 - You know Santa? - Know him? 460 00:21:36,512 --> 00:21:39,655 Who do you think gave him the idea for that mistletoe thing? 461 00:21:39,676 --> 00:21:41,554 - You? - Oh, yeah. 462 00:21:41,574 --> 00:21:43,703 See, we was chilling at the crib back in Philly one night, right. 463 00:21:43,722 --> 00:21:47,489 It was me, Santa, the Tooth Fairy and Shaft, right? 464 00:21:47,509 --> 00:21:48,654 Who's Shaft? 465 00:21:49,619 --> 00:21:51,547 Who's Shaft? 466 00:21:51,566 --> 00:21:56,638 Oh, Nicky, there's so much I got to teach you. 467 00:21:56,659 --> 00:21:58,788 See, Shaft was a complicated man. 468 00:22:00,564 --> 00:22:03,597 [instrumental music] 469 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,619 [theme music] 470 00:22:08,811 --> 00:22:10,719 ♪ Yeah ♪ 471 00:22:13,742 --> 00:22:15,730 ♪ Yeah ♪ 472 00:22:18,612 --> 00:22:20,610 ♪ Yeah ♪ 473 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,748 ♪ Yeah ♪ 474 00:22:27,802 --> 00:22:29,861 ♪ Yeah ♪ 475 00:22:32,672 --> 00:22:34,680 ♪ Yeah ♪♪ 34191

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