Original subtitles

(Hilary) 'Family, I have an announcement.'

Listen, "Playboy" is doing a pictorial

on the prettiest weather girls from coast to coast.

They're gonna call it "Warm Fronts."

And they want me to be in it.

Absolutely not.

But daddy, don't you even wanna hear

what I have to say about it?

You heard our father, no!

Carlton, what do you care?

Look, I will not be publicly embarrassed

by a potential scandal.

Now, now, don't get your underoos in a knot, stumpy.

Hilary knows what she's doin'.

Wait a minute, I haven't even decided--

Quiet, Hilary, work with me here, Hil.

I can see it now.

Long afternoons kicking back on a chaise longue

watchin' full-body contact volleyball up at Hef's place.

Hilary..

...as long as you live in my house

you will abide by my rules.

And that goes for the rest of you.

That's telling us, dad.

Wait.

I am 24 years old, and I can make my own decisions.

Besides, mom said it was okay.

Oh, yeah? Vivian!

So you said your daughter could pose in "Playboy," huh?

No, I said I didn't like the idea.

But I also said she's a grown woman

and it's her choice.

No daughter of mine is posing in that kind of magazine, period.

You do this to me all the time, daddy.

I have a mind of my own and opinions.

And you never let me express them and..

What were we talking about?

Hil, I-I think you were in the process of stormin' out of here.

Thanks, Will.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia, born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out, maxin' relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

[instrumental music]

So, what do you think?

Look like you got hat-jacked by Woody Woodpecker.

These are the new booster hats.

- Help me set up a display. - Sure thing, boss lady.

Oh, Jackie, check it out, hypothetical situation.

Let's just say, like, a famous men's magazine

asked you to pose with nothing but that stupid hat on.

- Would you do it? - No way.

I don't want just anybody lookin' at this body.

Oh, why, has it changed so much since we used to play doctor?

- Stop it. - See, you have beautiful teeth.

I didn't even know you had those, that was fun, wasn't it?

Imagine how much more fun it would be if we was both naked.

Will, you just hit on me from force of habit.

Now, if you really wanna go out with me

why not step to me like a man?

Well, okay.

So Jacqueline..

...I was wondering if you'd do me the honor

of having dinner with me.

Okay.

"Okay?"

"Okay" is alright if I offered you

a government cheese sandwich but I'm offering you

a buffet of love, child.

Take it easy, homey.

I mean, you asked like a gentleman.

Now if you can just keep acting like a gentleman

maybe we can get somewhere.

Somewhere that we could talk lying down?

- Will! - Alright, Jackie, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, a temporary cool breakdown, I'm back now.

Um, look, so when is good for you?

I don't know, I was thinkin' about this afternoon

leading into the evening.

You know what the evening leads

I'm sorry, I need to have that treated.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - I'll call you later.

Come without the stupid hat, okay?

Hey, girl, I was.. Would you stop it!

Stop, stop, stop.

[instrumental music]

Hilary, are you really going to pose in that magazine?

- Why? Does it bother you? - A little.

I don't even like to get undressed in gym class.

Ashley, your body is going through some changes

and they may seem awkward and embarrassing

but I promise you, it's completely normal.

And the discomfort, it's only temporary.

I know, I look great naked.

It's just that I don't like

a bunch of gooney people staring at me.

Oh, you get used to it.

I guess I could kiss heaven goodbye 'cause it got to be

a sin to look this good.

[imitates sizzling]

Caliente.

You've been playing tennis with the gardener again, haven't you?

Adios.

You do look great, Will.

Oh, thanks a lot, Hil. Oh, you can help me out.

Uh, I need a like a name of real smoking place to take a date.

Oh, sure, we can talk about it on the way to the party.

- I'm gonna go get dressed. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, what party?

Well, isn't that why you're all dressed up?

Oh, did I forget to tell you?

I think you're still in the process of forgetting.

"Playboy" called.

They're having a pool party at the mansion

to kick off the weather girl shoot.

And?

And since you stood up for me with daddy, I'm taking you.

Yes, I knew that.

Hey, let me tell you, you're the best cousin a brother ever had.

I'm going to the Playboy Mansion.

Oh, hello, Hef.

Oh, pshaw.

Don't be silly, I'm glad I could come.

Oh, Miss December, Oh, baby, I was gonna call you.

Come here, girl.

Excuse me, Master William, if you can tear yourself away

from your imaginary friend..

...a Miss Jacqueline's on the phone.

Oh, oh, I forgot all about Jackie.

Look, G, G, G, um, look

If you had to decide between goin' on a date with a girl

that you really care about and going to the Playboy Mansion

which would it be?

The fact that you're even asking, Master William

tells me that you really care about the lady.

- I guess I do. - Admirable.

Tell me, might this young lady have a terminal illness?

No, G, of course not.

Then may I point out, she'll still be here tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry, babe, I'm sick.

No, no, no, don't come over.

Because, you know, I could be catchy.

Well, you know, I-I guess

I'll-I'll just have to talk to you tomorrow?

Bye.

So, when do we leave for the mansion?

Oh, they don't need you, G, they're fully staffed.

Either that is one tight dress or a really good paint job.

- Come on, let's go. - Wait a minute, Will.

I think I'm having second thoughts.

What do you mean?

Well, I don't know if doing the layout is worth

having daddy hate me for the rest of my life.

No, no, no, it's only the rest of his life.

I'm sayin' after them pictures come out

how much longer could he have?

- Will. - I'm joking, I'm joking.

I'm joking, I thought you wanted to do the pictures.

Well, I do.

I'm saying you can't just let your pop

be pushing you around all the time.

It'd be so much easier if only he liked "Playboy."

Liked it?

He's got issues in his bathroom from, like, 1964.

Come on, just don't worry about it.

Let's just go to the party.

Freeze!

Oh, look, the Little Republican Store must've opened.

Good joke, Will, I'll laugh on the way to the party.

Whoa, teeny.

What makes you think you're going to the party with us?

Look, I'm not gonna miss out on Princeton

because she wants to expose her weather balloons.

Carlton, I think Geoffrey's baking cookies.

Oh.. Oh, no, you don't.

Look, I'm gonna talk to Mr. Hefner

and put a stop to this.

My voice will be heard.

You must take me with you.

Sure.

How can you let him come with us?

Trust me, he ain't gonna say nothing.

Well, how can you be so sure?

This boy gets all hot and bothered

talking to average-looking girls.

Five minutes at the mansion he's gonna go into meltdown.

[horn honks]

I can't believe it, girl.

Yo, it's just like the magazine.

'Except the girls ain't got folds'

in the middle and jokes on their back.

Carlton, stand up.

You're drooling on my pumps.

Come on, you guys.

My legs are like rubber.

Yeah, and your head is like a peanut.

Carlton, what was it you wanted to say to Mr. Hefner?

I want to tell him how much I love this place.

Hey, look at that swimming pool.

I have never seen so many people in one place.

I wanted to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to.

Breathin' okay?

Hey, Hugh.

Will, why are you shouting at me?

- I'm right next to you. - Not you. Hugh.

- You who? - Stop yodeling.

Hugh Hefner.

Excuse me.

Hey, Mr. Hefner, what an honor.

Um, I'm Will Smith, this is my cousin, Hilary.

Oh, a pleasure, Hilary Banks.

I'm glad you could make it. Let me show you around.

Oh, I'd be honored.

Relax, guys, have some fun.

There are suits in the bathhouse.

Yeah.

You def, Hef.

Will, why didn't you introduce me?

Hey, Carlton, I gotta be honest, man.

I forgot you was even here.

Oh, that's just great.

Hey, Will, isn't that Jazz?

Jazz, what are you doing here?

Shh, I'm on the list.

They think I'm the black dude from "Mod Squad."

Would you like to have dinner with the children, sir?

Yes, that would be nice, Geoffrey.

Too bad, they're not here.

Then why did you bring it up?

If you don't care where your children are, sir

neither do I.

Okay, where are they?

Sir...I could never betray their confidence.

They're at the Playboy Mansion.

All except young Ashley.

She's upstairs with her boyfriend.

- That one's on the house. - 'Vivian!'

Vivian! Vivian!

Oh, Philip, did you call me?

Do you know where your children are?

Sure, they're at the Playboy Mansion.

How come you knew that and I didn't?

- Because they talk to me. - Why don't they talk to me?

Because you don't listen, every time--

[instrumental music]

Wazzup, baby, what you doing after the party?

Actually, I'll be in surgery.

Looks like everything on that body is in working order.

I'll be performing surgery.

I'm a doctor.

Well, doc, you can check me out anytime, trust me.

I'm a cardiologist, you need a pediatrician.

Miss March, right?

I didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

Oh, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me.

Uh, turn-ons, uh, fast cars, uh, shrimp bouillabaisse

and, uh, Indian quilts, right?

Very impressive.

Now, do you remember my turn-offs?

Do I? Hairy backs, smokers and abrasive young men

who don't know when to shut up, right?

Bingo.

Girl, what would it take

for a guy like me to get next to a girl like you?

Five years and six figures.

Thank you very much.

So tell me about yourself.

I have a boyfriend who plays in the Lakers.

I suppose your boyfriend's a tackle for the Rams, huh?

No, The Raiders.

Get away from me.

Hey, Will, hey, this place is great.

I've already got two numbers and if I play my cards right

I think she'll give me the other five.

Oh, Carlton, I don't think I'm gonna hang around to find out.

'Cause I bein' up here helped me realize how important Jackie..

Bunny hop!

...really is to me.

[instrumental music]

What do you think you're doing?

The-the-the bunny hop.

Where's your sister?

She went to Malibu with the other weather girls

to have their pictures taken.

Go wait in the car, Carlton.

But I was just gonna go talk to Mr. Hefner about Hilary..

Go get in the car, Carlton.

I, uh, really wanna thank you for taking the time

to talk to me, Mr. Hefner.

Well, it's always a pleasure to talk

to a long-time subscriber.

My man, Linc.

Uh.. I wanna cut right to the chase here.

It's about my daughter posing for your magazine.

I mean, well, how would you feel if your daughter

got involved in this whole world?

Well, my daughter is involved in this whole world.

She runs the Playboy empire.

Okay, let's try this a different way.

Well, look, suppose somebody that you really care about

like your wife, suppose she decided to pose?

Well, my wife was the Playmate of the Year

and I'm very proud of her.

Don't you understand

there are some parents who are just not comfortable

with their daughters being stared at by millions of people?

I understand where you're coming from.

Look, over the years, I've had to deal with a lot of parents.

You seem like a good man.

Let me put it this way, I promise you

the pictures will be tasteful.

Tasteful?

Oh, yeah, right.

I know what that means. Well, thank you very much.

Jackie, you're here.

Will, I thought you were sick.

Oh, yeah, I was, but you know

I-I, at least I thought I was.

You know, actually, I had an allergic reaction

to-to-to bunnies.

So, say, what's up with that date?

I'm sorry, Will, but when you cancelled on me

I made plans to go to the movies.

Oh, that's cool, just-just call up

your little girlfriend and break them.

My little girlfriend is 6'2" with a mustache.

What kind of monster are you?

A man is laying up in his death-bed

and you go stepping out on him?

Hey, Will, you and me ain't all that.

Okay, okay, okay, um..

What are you doing after the movies?

I think that's between me and Tony.

Okay, how about tomorrow night?

- I got basketball practice. - That's cool, I'll come watch.

You can't, you're working tomorrow, Mike called in sick.

He probably has what you thought you did.

- Okay, next Saturday night? - Bachelorette party.

- Christmas? - I'm going home to Philly.

Then New Year's Eve? Groundhog Day?

Cinco de Mayo?

Rosh Hashanah, eh?

[instrumental music]

Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, Vivian.

What did I do?

Your daughter is somewhere in Malibu

stark naked.

What are you talking about?

She went and posed for "Playboy" and you encouraged her.

I did no such thing.

When I talked to her, she hadn't made up her mind yet.

If anything pushed her over the edge it was your usual

"Do it my way or else" charm.

Don't you start with me, Vivian.

No matter what I did, she's my daughter.

And a daughter should obey her father.

In that case, I never would've married you.

Oh, that was different, your father had it in for me.

What was it again he didn't like about me?

It was a tie between your family and your temper.

Well, I'll tell you one thing, I sure don't miss him.

God rest his soul.

Sweetheart, listen.

Sometimes a parent has to step back

and let their child find their own way.

I'll be upstairs.

- Hi, dad. - Hi.

Listen, daddy, I'm sorry

but I've already had my pictures taken.

- It's alright. - It was my choice and..

It's alright?

You're not a child anymore.

You're a beautiful woman.

'Beautiful enough for "Playboy" to ask'

'and woman enough to make your own decisions.'

No matter what, I still love you.

Oh, daddy.

So when are your pictures coming out?

They said in about two months.

You understand, of course, I can't be here when they do.

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Enter.

It's arrived, Uncle Phil.

I don't wanna see them.

Oh, it came in the mail today

with a personal letter from Mr. Hefner.

He thinks you should take a look at it, so do I.

You can forget it, because I'm..

Oh...alright.

Hey, look at that, she's covered up.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Hallelujah, she's covered up!

But this little girl is not.

- Ooh. - Ooh.

- Hallelujah. - Hallelujah.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah Hallelujah.. ♪

Carlton, what do you care?

Look, I will not be publicly embarrassed by

a-a-a problem of delivering my damn lines.

It won't happen, damn it. It ain't gonna happen.

- It's okay, it's okay. - I'm not gonna allow it.

- It's okay, it's okay. - It's over!

(Will) 'It's alright, man! It's alright, man!'

- 'Let it go, man, let it go.' - 'It's over.'

- 'It's okay, man' - 'Alright.'