Original subtitles

What's up, Prince?

Me and Carlton just checking out these college brochures.

I've already set my sights on Princeton.

It has a balanced curriculum...

with the largest repository of classical literature.

Y eah, well, I got my sights set on this school...

with the largest repository of girls with the big old butts. Oh, yeah!

Which reminds me, I brought your CD player back.

See, Jazz, now this is not my CD player, see...

'cause my CD player has the wires on the inside.

I'm sorry, man. How can I make it up to you?

Jazz, how about paying for it?

Why would I want to buy a broken CD player?

- Hey, Aunt Viv. - Hi, guys.

- Hey, Judge. - Now, Will, please.

I haven't even announced that I'm running.

I don't think you'd have to announce it, Mr. Banks.

If you ran, we'd hear you coming.

I'm running for Superior Court Judge.

He still could use the exercise.

Will, Carlton...

I want you guys to be on your best behavior tomorrow and look presentable.

It's navy-blue jacket, gray slacks, power tie.

Whoa, Uncle Phil, you sure you wouldn't want Carlton to wear Aunt Viv's apron?

No.

Oh, Jazz, I need you to bring over my blue jacket.

Don't worry, man, I'll have it back to you first thing tomorrow morning.

Y ou won't even be able to tell I wore it.

Jazz, what did you do to my jacket?

Y ou told me to get it cleaned.

So I washed it.

I don't believe you, man, first my CD player, now this.

- Y ou make a doorknob look smart, man. - No need to get testy.

At least I got out all the A.1. sauce.

Whoa, hold up.

Underdog's on.

Excuse me, but I'm watching the Eagles.

Well, excuse me...

but you once preferred the whimsy of a y ogi and a Boo Boo.

Will, I hardly know you.

Will, put on your jacket.

We're leaving for the press luncheon in 10 minutes.

Hey, have you been undressing my Teddy Ruxpin again?

- Vivian, you look so sexy. - Thank you, sweetheart.

Now go upstairs and change.

What, don't you want to project the right image?

Hey, I'm happy that this fits over my belly.

- Which reminds me, I'm hungry. - Viv...

Daddy?

I am a young adult, and I have my rights. If you force me to wear this, I'II...

I'll hold my breath until my face turns blue.

Ashley, you're 13 years old, you'll do what I say.

- But that's not fair. - Call a cop.

Mommy!

Well, I'm ready.

I've been waiting all my life to hear you say that.

I meant, I'm ready for the press conference.

Y ou know, sometimes I lose sight of why I want to be a judge.

Then you open your mouth, and it all comes flooding back.

Thank you. See, Will, I inspire him.

No, no, not yet. Not now, Jazz.

Oh, no! No, you're on the one-yard line! Fumble? Herschel, pick it up!

Well, it's painfully obvious that my presence is no longer required.

Here, Carlton. Eventually, you'll grow into it.

Excuse me, sir, but how's your day been going so far?

- Well, wonderful, Geoffrey, thank you. - Well, down the toilet it goes.

Judge Robertson, what are you doing here, sir?

Philip, it's good to see you again, my boy.

How long has it been: 10, 15 years?

- We just had dinner a few weeks ago, sir. - We did?

Did I leave here with my pants on?

Y es.

Oh, thank God.

But that means you must throw a lousy party.

But enough about you, Philip. Look, Philip, you got to help me.

Y ou're the only one I can trust.

I just heard that they found someone to run against me.

Judge, we discussed that over dinner. I'm running against you.

What?

How dare you!

Get out of my house!

Out!

Lionel, show him the door.

Go, go, go, touchdown!

Will, Will. Put that thing away.

- Uncle Phil, they just tied it up. - I don't care.

- Mr. Banks. - Y es.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome to this afternoon's press conference.

It is my pleasure to introduce to you Mr. Philip Banks.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen of the press...

and thank you very much for coming.

I'd like to take this opportunity...

to formally announce my candidacy for the office of Superior Court Judge.

Thank you. I plan on restoring faith in the judicial system.

And I ask you: Do you really want six more years of the same tired plea-bargaining?

Y es, yes!

What?

Judge Robertson has been in office six straight terms...

how do you intend to break that streak?

By focusing on the issues and not personality.

Once the voters see where I stand, I'm sure I'll win this election.

Y ou idiot, you don't even deserve to sit on the bench.

What?

Judge Robertson.

- I didn't know he had kids. - He doesn't. And that's not his wife.

And am I crazy or does he look 10 years younger?

That's unbelievable.

Is that brisket I smell?

- Lovely family. - Thank you.

- Who are they? - Rented.

Judge Robertson, how does it feel to be running against your own student?

Philip Banks is a gentleman...

and one of the smartest students I ever had.

A man who would bring honor to the bench.

Don't get me wrong, I want the job.

But I can't think of another person that I would mind losing to...

but this man here.

I love you, my son.

What a guy.

Mr. Banks, what's your response?

Excuse me.

Mr. Banks, we're looking for your nephew, a William Smith.

Oh, my God.

It's over, it's all over.

Are you Will Smith?

No, Rahjim Shabaz, Muslim activist. Sa/aam a/aikum.

Will, what's wrong?

Y ou're under arrest, Shabaz.

Sit down, Smith.

Oh, okay, it's like that, right? All right.

It's cool. I'm gonna sit down. All right, I'm sitting down right here.

And you think that just 'cause you got that badge...

and all your tough cop friends walking around...

and your cute little walkie-talkie...

that you can talk to folks any old way you want to do it.

Well, I tell you right now, if you ain't have all that stuff...

we'd be squawking a different language up in here right now.

What are you trying to say?

I think I made myself real clear when I said what I just said.

Y eah.

Y eah, I guess you did.

Mr. Officer, your stuff fell off.

Hip-hop cop.

Blue looks nice on you, too.

Match that big blue vein throbbing in your neck right now.

I'm Philip Banks, the boy's attorney.

I'd like to speak to my nephew alone, please.

What's up now, tough guy?

- No problem, sir. - That's right.

- I guess we told him, right, Uncle Phil? - Sit down.

Will, how could you get $2,000 worth of parking tickets...

when I told you to get rid of that car months ago?

Actually, I did get rid of it. See, I gave it to a friend.

Look, I swear to you, Uncle Phil...

there ain't no way I got them parking tickets.

Look at the printout. Huh?

"Snuffy's Chicken Shack, Big Ben's Barbeque...

"Alice's All Nude Review." What do you call this?

One hell of a Friday night.

Can I see that, Uncle Phil?

Wait a minute, Uncle Phil, these are all Jazz's hangouts.

He must have gotten all these parking tickets.

I'm serious. I told him I'd kill him.

How could he go to Alice's All Nude Review without me?

Well, hello, Philip, my boy. Welcome to City Hall.

Thank you. Will, wait in the car and don't even touch the steering wheel.

Y es, sir.

Hey, Judge. Judge. Judge, check it out.

Look, brother ran into a little misfortune. Right?

I got like $2,000 worth of parking tickets.

I was just wondering, I don't know, maybe you might be able to do a...

I thought he was selling condoms.

I apologize for my nephew, Judge.

And I hope this little incident didn't cause any undue embarrassment. I mean...

- the press is going to have a field day. - Well, I certainly hope so.

This is just the beginning.

Y ou know, I was browsing through the police files...

and bingo, up pops your nephew's name.

Parking tickets up the ying-yang.

So I busted his bony butt.

Pretty good, huh?

- Excuse me? - Oh, wake up, knucklehead.

Y ou're in the big leagues now.

I may be old, I may be senile...

and I haven't been able to find my car for the past half hour...

but I can beat your butt in a political campaign any day.

Y ou're dead meat, Tiny.

I always knew Will would be the downfall of this family.

But no one ever listens to me.

What, honey? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

I can't believe this.

I mean, Will being arrested means we're all going to be investigated.

I mean, this is how they knocked off Imelda Marcos.

I'll just die if they touch my shoes.

I'd die if you made your own bed.

Get off me, man, just get off me.

Thank you, thank you.

Will.

I'm so glad you're home.

Carlton said you were probably doing 5 to 10 by now.

- Are you all right, sweetheart? - Y eah, I'm fine, Aunt Viv.

- Well, good, now I can break your legs. - Vivian, Vivian, I'll handle this.

Now we have to make a statement for the press.

So put on an apron, grab the cookie jar.

Forget it.

And I ate all the cookies before lunch.

Okay, okay, then we'll have to grab the cutest kid.

Ashley, you'll do. Come on, smile, sweetheart. Let's go, Vivian, come on.

Okay.

Are you ready to talk to us now?

Man, this has been the worst day of my life.

And as soon as I see Jazz, I'm going to make it the worst day of his.

Will, you seem embittered. Jail will do that to a man.

Now that you've done hard time, a book may be in order.

Criminals sell. I can sell criminals. Y ou're a criminal.

Really? And you're too short to ride the teacup ride at Disneyland.

What's up, Will? Man, what's with all the reporters?

I ain't seen no chalk outlines or nothing.

That's 'cause I didn't murder you yet.

What's got your BVDs in a bunch?

Well, for starters, you ruined the most important day in my uncle's life.

Haagen-Dazs opened in Bel-Air?

Jazz, I trusted you with my ride over the summer...

and you got $2,000 worth of parking tickets.

And you didn't even tell me.

Y ou're right, I should have told you.

Will, I got $2,000 worth of parking tickets.

- What do you plan to do about that, Jazz? - I'll take care of it, man. I promise.

Can I borrow $2,000?

This is not a joke, man. I trusted you, Jazz.

I trusted you, and you got me tossed into jail.

Friends don't do that to each other, man.

I mean, friends are supposed to be there for each other.

Friends aren't supposed to set you up to take a fall.

And most importantly, friends are supposed to be honest with each other.

And you obviously don't fit that mold.

So from this point on, you can consider our friendship over.

Y ou're no longer welcome in this house.

And I'd appreciate it if you just got the hell out of my crib.

Ain't you going to even bother to throw me out?

Y ou're not worth it, man.

- Hey, guys. - Hey, Will.

Hey, hey G, you want to go watch some Underdog?

Why, do I look like a moron?

Banks residence.

G, look, if that's Jazz, tell him I do not want to talk to him.

It's for me. It's my accountant.

So what are you wearing?

Hey, Carlton, man, how about we shoot down to The Wing King, man...

get a big bucket of ribs?

Do I look like Jimmie Walker?

Forget you then, man.

Hey, hey, hey, Ashley.

I just got the new video boxing. Come on, you want to play?

Sorry, homey, homework.

Hey, Hil, you want to...

No, Will, I don't want ribs, I don't want to wax your ride...

and I don't even know what a Chumpy is.

Okay. All right.

It's like that, right? It's like that. Y'all going to flee me like that, right?

My suggestion to you, my despondent, desperate, ne'er-do-well cousin...

is to make amends with your partner in delinquency.

What?

Call him, Will. I'm sure Jazz is sorry.

Why should I call him after what he did to me?

Y ou know, forget it. I don't need him. I don't need you. I don't need nobody.

I just want to get up to my room, Uncle Phil.

I don't want no trouble.

It's all right, Will, I'm not mad anymore.

- Oh, my God, Philip, look at this. - What?

It's all in the paper.

They got a picture of me throwing a reporter in the pool.

What a wonderful way to start my campaign.

My nephew gets arrested. My wife looks like...

y ou look wonderful, sweetheart.

I don't know.

Actually, Aunt Viv, you got a, kind of a...

homicidal, sumo-wrestler thing going.

Oh, but you working it, girl.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

What are you doing here?

I was out for my morning constitutional and...

I must have walked farther than I thought.

But since I'm here, bean pie for all.

Y ou know, just my way of saying... y ou know.

- Oh, that's very nice, Jazz. - Thank you, Jazz.

I guess you two want to be alone.

I don't get it, Philip, why did he give us a bean pie?

What am I, Freud? Grab a fork, Vivian.

Well...

I guess I ought to be going.

Y ou probably got college applications to fill out.

Well, yeah, actually, I do.

Y ou probably want to hang out with educated people...

who drink their malt liquor in a glass.

What are you talking about, Jazz?

Face it, Will. Y ou're going to go off to college to be somebody...

and I'm going to be stuck here living foot to mouth.

I think you mean hand to mouth, Jazz.

Don't try to impress me with your fancy education.

Y ou're going to go off next year to some big old college...

and I'll be sitting here by the phone waiting for you to call.

- Y ou're not making any sense, Jazz. - Y ou used to think that was cute.

Wait a minute. Y ou mean this whole thing is about me going off to college?

Oh, comes the dawn.

My mother told me you was no good.

I knew I should have listened to her.

See, I promised myself I wasn't going to cry.

- Look, come on, Jazz. - Get your hands off of me.

I'm not a faucet to be turned on and off at your whim.

I have emotions.

Jazz, yes, it's true that I'm going off to college, man, but...

Come on, you like family to me.

Jazz, just 'cause somebody moves away from the family...

that doesn't mean they break up.

That just means that, you know, the family has to work harder to stay together.

Y ou understand what I'm saying?

No.

But at least you talking to me.

Come on, Jazz, you know you're always going to be my homey.

Why didn't you say that in the first place?

I did say that. Why don't you clean out your ears?

Now, I know you ain't talking about nobody's ears.

Hey, come on, man, let's jet down to the mall, pick up some Chumpies.

Will, could you do one thing for me?

Y ou know, just for old time's sake.

Sure, no problem, man.

Jazz, I trusted you with my ride over the summer...

and you got me tossed...

I mean shoot.

I said, "shoot," Mom.

"I raised my boy better than that."

"Oh, God."