Original subtitles

Now what?

Kind of a steep hill, isn't it?

Don't worry about it. Just lean forward and jiggle your feet.

I think I've changed my mind.

[SCREAMS]

If I had of known you were only going that far, I would have stayed in.

Here we go. We put it in fast forward, and here we go.

[THUD]

LINUS: Fast reverse.

[SCREAMING]

I think they look better when they have a little star or an angel on top.

Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?

It's not even Thanksgiving yet.

By the time Christmas comes, all the needles will be falling off.

Don't hang it near the turkey.

Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?

It isn't even Thanksgiving yet.

Would you like to buy a Thanksgiving wreath?

Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?

Do you know what you are doing?

Don't you realize you're adding to the over-commercializing of Christmas?

Not till I sell one.

Good morning. This is a Christmas wreath--

Thank you. I love samples.

I give up. I can't imagine anyone else having as much trouble as I do...

...selling Christmas wreaths.

Good morning, sir. Would you like to buy a nice Christmas wreath?

[DOOR SLAMS]

Merry Christmas anyway, sir.

"God bless us every one!" said Tiny Tim, the last of all.

And joy to the world.

Rats.

What are you up to, big brother?

I'm trying to sell Christmas wreaths from door to door.

Getting on the old commercial bandwagon, eh?

Going after those big holiday bucks, huh?

[DOOR OPENS]

Need any help?

Good morning. Ask your mom if she would like to buy a Christmas wreath.

Tell her they were made from the famous forests of Lebanon.

You can read about them in the second chapter of the second book of Chronicles.

If you buy two, we'll throw in an autographed photo of King Solomon.

You can't tell people these wreaths were made from the forests of Lebanon.

That's lying.

Good morning, would you like to buy a Christmas wreath...

...made from some junky old branches my brother found in a Christmas tree lot?

You wouldn't, would you? And I can't say I blame you.

[DOOR SLAMS]

See? Your way doesn't work, either.

I think we need better packaging.

We need a better way to show off our product.

Good morning. Would you like to buy a Christmas wreath?

Guess what, Chuck. Disaster time.

Our teacher wants us to read a book during Christmas vacation.

Got any suggestions?

On what book to read?

No. On how to get out of it.

I'm not going to have to read a book, Marcie.

See, A Tale of Two Cities was just on TV.

I watched the movie, so now I won't have to read the book.

The only thing I didn't understand...

...were the parts about the shampoo, the soap and the coffee.

Those were the commercials, sir.

I'd like to read this book, Marcie, but I'm kind of afraid.

I had a grandfather who didn't think much of reading.

He always said if you read too many books, your head would fall off.

You start the first chapter, sir, and I'll hold on to your head.

Why aren't you reading your book, sir?

It's too nice a day to stay inside and read, Marcie.

Besides, I have to build this snowman.

If I don't do it, no one else will, and he'll never exist.

I'm his creator. It's my duty to give him life.

This snowman has a right to live, Marcie.

You're weird, sir.

Marcie, what book were we supposed to read during Thanksgiving vacation?

This is Christmas vacation, sir.

Christmas vacation?

How can I read something during Christmas vacation...

...when I didn't read what I was supposed to read during Thanksgiving vacation?

Duck, sir. Easter is coming.

[ORCHESTRA TUNING]

-What are we going to hear today, Marcie? -Handel's "Messiah."

The most exciting part is when they get to the "Hallelujah" chorus...

...and everyone stands.

Standing is exciting?

[ORCHESTRA PLAYS HANDEL'S "HALLELUJAH"]

[CHOIR SINGS HANDEL'S "HALLELUJAH" CHORUS]

It's the "Hallelujah" chorus, sir. Everyone is standing up.

-They're what? -Standing up.

MARCIE: Yipe!

[THUD]

Everywhere we go, Marcie, you embarrass me.

What was Handel's first name, Marcie?

I'm ashamed to admit, I don't know.

I'll just have to guess.

I suppose we're going to have to listen to that bell ringing...

...every time we walk by here now.

Wouldn't you think he could do something besides ring a bell?

Just ignore that Santa Claus, Linus. There's nothing he can do to you.

I don't think you're a real Santa Claus.

What do you have to say about that?

I don't think you're the real Santa Claus.

If you're the real Santa, where are your helpers?

[CHIRPING]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

You mean "giving." Christmas is the joy of giving.

I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about.

Giving. The only real joy is giving.

Like, wow.

I'm making out my Christmas list.

Now, how do you spell your name?

I'm your brother and you don't even know how to spell my name?

I'll put down "Sam." I know how to spell that.

-What was his name again? -Santa Claus.

-Any middle initial? -No, I don't think so.

At least I've never heard of one.

How about his wife? Do you know her name?

Well, sometimes you hear people say her name is Mary Christmas.

Really? That's very interesting.

Maybe I'll write to her instead.

[MOANS]

[HUMS]

Whoo-whoo! Hee-hee-hee.

-Where are all the candy canes? -The what?

The candy canes that were on the tree.

They're all gone.

-Have you looked outside? -Outside?

Tell me about Christmas, Linus.

How did all these Christmas stuff start anyway?

Except for the part of getting lots of presents...

...I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Well, this is from the second chapter of Luke.

You know what I hate? I hate shopping.

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field--"

I haven't got anything for my brother for Christmas yet.

-"And, lo, the angel of the Lord came--" -Everything costs so much.

-"And the glory of the Lord shone round--" -I don't want to spend a lot.

"And they were sore afraid."

Actually, I don't really wanna spend any money at all.

-"And the angel said unto--" -I wonder if I can get him...

...something for free?

Is that it? I always thought the Christmas story was longer than that.

["THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" PLAYS OVER RADIO]

That song drives me crazy.

What in the world is a calling bird?

A calling bird is a kind of partridge.

In 1 Samuel 26:20, it says:

"For the king of Israel has come out to seek my life...

...just as though he were hunting the calling bird."

There's a play on words here, you see?

David was standing on a mountain, calling.

And he compared himself to a partridge being hunted.

Isn’t that fascinating?

If I get socks again for Christmas this year,

I'll go even more crazy.

I remember reading that Albert Schweitzer...

...dreaded the thought of receiving Christmas gifts.

And do you know why that was?

It was because he hated having to write thank you notes.

What do you think about that?

Who's Albert Schweitzer?

Yes, ma'am. I would like to buy a Christmas present for a girl I know.

I was thinking maybe a pair of gloves.

[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Would it help if I described her?

[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Well, she has 10 fingers....

[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Twenty-five dollars for a pair of gloves?

I'm sorry, ma'am, that's more than I can afford.

Could I maybe buy just a thumb?

I wanted to buy Peggy Jean some gloves for Christmas...

...but they cost $25.

She's going to be disappointed when she finds out her boyfriend is a cheapskate.

I'm not a cheapskate. I just don't have $25.

-Put it on your credit card. -I don't have a credit card.

So long, Peggy Jean.

I'd like to give Peggy Jean a nice pair of gloves for Christmas...

...but I can't afford it.

If she really likes you, Charlie Brown...

...she'll appreciate anything you give her.

If you don't give her exactly what she's expecting...

...she'll hate you for the rest of your life.

You know why I wanna buy Peggy Jean those gloves for Christmas?

When I first met her this summer at camp, I noticed what pretty hands she had.

I want those pretty hands to be warm.

But I don't have $25 to buy the gloves.

Send her a nice card and tell her to keep her hands in her pockets.

See? There they are.

Those are the gloves I'd like to buy Peggy Jean for Christmas.

Where are you going to get $25?

That's the problem.

Maybe you can sell your dog.

Phbbtt!

I take it back. He's probably only worth 50 cents.

[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Yes, ma'am, I'm looking at those gloves again.

I wish I could get them for this girl I know but I can't afford them.

I just like to stand here and pretend I'm buying them for her.

[SALESPERSON SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Sorry, ma'am, I didn't realize I was fogging up the glass.

Go ahead. Ask him.

Is this the bus stop?

All I have is a dime. Will I get change?

Do you have a Billie Jean King?

Are these all you have?

Yes, ma'am, I sold my whole collection of comic books.

See? Here's the money.

Now I can buy those gloves for that girl I like.

GIRL: Brownie Charles.

Peggy Jean. What are you doing here?

I've been shopping with my mother.

Look. I just bought this new pair of gloves.

And did you buy her the gloves?

Sure. I sold my whole comic book collection to get the money.

Then, I met her in the store and she showed me the new pair of gloves she just bought.

So you're not going to give her the pair you bought?

Why give her something she already has?

Well, at least they didn't go to waste.

I'm going to ask the teacher if I can be Mary in the Christmas play this year.

She's already asked me, sir.

I think I'll be great in the part.

She asked me yesterday.

I like the part where the angel Gabriel talks to her.

Why would Gabriel talk to you? You never listen.

I can probably wear these same sandals.

[TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Yes, ma'am. I'd like to volunteer to play the part of Mary in our Christmas play.

[TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

You what?

[TEACHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

That's right, sir. She asked me yesterday.

Mary never wore glasses.

Hey, Chuck, did Mary ever wear glasses?

What do you mean, "Mary who?"

In the Bible. Does it say anything about Mary wearing glasses?

Then how can Marcie play Mary instead of me?

And the teacher says I'm going to be playing a sheep.

Why can't I ever be a wrong number?

Guess what? I've been asked to be in the Christmas play.

I'm going to be an angel.

All I have to do is say, "Hark."

This is what I have to do in the Christmas play.

When the sheep are through dancing, I come out and say, "Hark."

Then Harold Angel starts to sing.

Harold Angel?

It's right here in the script.

Hark! How did that sound?

I'm practicing my line for the Christmas play.

I live in mortal dread of getting out on the stage...

...and forgetting what I am to say.

Well, if you did, you could always make up something.

That's true. How about, "Hey"?

Not very biblical.

Here's the line I have to say in the Christmas play.

See if I get it right.

Hark.

You got it.

I have always wondered how actors remember all those lines.

I'm all set for the Christmas play. Do I look like an angel?

You look fine.

Good luck. Break a leg.

Linus and I will be in the audience.

PEPPERMINT PATTY: Another Christmas play...

...and I have to be a sheep.

I hate being a sheep.

No part in a play is small, sir, if it brings joy to the audience.

Baa!

You do that so well, sir.

PEPPERMINT PATTY: Every time there's a Christmas play...

...I end up being a sheep.

-Watch out for the curb here, sir. -What?

Slouching toward Bethlehem, huh, sir?

I can't stand it.

You look cute in your sheep costume, sir.

PEPPERMINT PATTY: Sure, Marcie, sure.

I was up late last night memorizing all my lines.

All your lines.

I can't remember my lines, Marcie.

You're a sheep, sir. All you have to say is, "Baa."

My mind has gone blank. I'm doomed.

I wonder if this happened to Laurence Olivier?

Hark.

Hark.

Hark.

Looks like the play will start soon.

Well, you'll have to excuse me, sir. My first scene.

Baa!

Who wants to be in a Christmas play if they make you be a sheep?

A sheep doesn't get to do anything.

Hark.

[CHATTERING]

[AUDIENCE WHISTLES AND APPLAUDS]

I am Gabriel. Do not be afraid, Mary.

-Behold, I am the handmaiden of the Lord. PEPPERMINT PATTY: Baa! Baa!

Baa! Baa!

I am Gabriel, Mary...

...and I couldn't hear you because of the sheep.

[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]

Hark.

Hark.

Hark.

Hark.

PEPPERMINT PATTY: I can't remember my lines, Marcie.

All you have to say is, "Baa."

My mind has gone blank.

I'll never remember it.

Why do they have to spoil Christmas by making us be in plays?

We're on, sir. Let's show them how.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]

And there were shepherds in the fields keeping watch over their flocks by night.

PEPPERMINT PATTY: Woof! Meow! Moo!

Whatever.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

[SINGING] And a partridge in a pear tree

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

So far, this has been a good Christmas play, Charlie Brown.

When does your sister come on?

Right after the dancing sheep.

She steps out and says, "Hark."

And then Harold Angel sings.

Harold Angel?

All I know is what she told me.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

The sheep are through dancing, Charlie Brown. Here comes your sister.

Hockey stick.

[AUDIENCE GIGGLES]

-Hockey stick? -Hockey stick?

I said hockey stick.

Why did I say hockey stick?

All I had to say was, "Hark," and I said hockey stick.

I ruined the whole Christmas play. Everybody hates me.

Moses hates me, Luke hates me...

...the apostles hate me.

All 50 of them.

I don't know. I didn't see the rest of the play.

As soon as Sally said, "hockey stick" and everyone laughed, I left.

She gets everything mixed up.

She even thought someone named Harold Angel was going to sing.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Excuse me. Somebody's at the door.

Hi, is Sally home? My name is Harold Angel.

Okay, get up. I wanna lie in that beanbag.

Remember when we were all sitting around the Christmas tree, opening our presents?

-That's when you said it. -That's when I said what?

It was beautiful. You said:

"Why do we have to be nice to each other only on Christmas?

Why can't we be nice to each other every day?"

You drive me crazy.

Joy to the world.

[ENGLISH SDH]