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1
00:00:00,759 --> 00:00:03,559
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:12,600
Guess what I have in my hand.
3
00:00:12,620 --> 00:00:13,690
Do I have to call security?
4
00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:14,810
[Will chuckles]
5
00:00:14,829 --> 00:00:16,769
Hey, look, girl, before you
have me tossed in the clink
6
00:00:16,790 --> 00:00:18,650
you might wanna check it out.
7
00:00:18,669 --> 00:00:20,579
Uncle Phil's floor seats
to the Lakers.
8
00:00:20,599 --> 00:00:22,759
So what's up? I'll pick you
up like 6:00, 6:15?
9
00:00:22,779 --> 00:00:24,689
Will, I appreciate your
asking
10
00:00:24,709 --> 00:00:27,729
especially three hours
before game time
11
00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:29,800
but I'm kind of dating
someone right now.
12
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,840
You dating somebody right now?
13
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,560
How come I'm the last to know?
14
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:38,760
I have my reasons.
15
00:00:39,819 --> 00:00:42,559
[chuckles]
Oh, I get it. I get it.
16
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:43,650
I get it. You embarrassed.
17
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,749
Dude's probably
some snaggle-toothed
18
00:00:45,770 --> 00:00:49,690
pie-faced,
snausage-lipped, hunchback--
19
00:00:49,709 --> 00:00:51,559
It's Hank Farley.
20
00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:53,660
Heisman trophy-winning fool.
21
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,609
Tonight's Hank's
21st birthday party.
22
00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,570
Hey, Jackie, come on, girl.
Now, girl..
23
00:00:58,590 --> 00:01:01,610
Now, you know that Hank Farley
is not your type.
24
00:01:01,630 --> 00:01:02,740
You know what I'm saying,
you-you strip away
25
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,580
the shoulder pads,
and the muscles
26
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:05,836
and dimples and what you got?
27
00:01:05,856 --> 00:01:07,684
You.
28
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,882
[theme song]
29
00:01:10,903 --> 00:01:13,815
♪ Now this is a story all about
how ♪
30
00:01:13,834 --> 00:01:15,867
♪ My life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪
31
00:01:15,888 --> 00:01:18,044
♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪
32
00:01:18,063 --> 00:01:19,922
♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪
33
00:01:19,944 --> 00:01:21,997
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
34
00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:33,214
♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪
35
00:01:33,233 --> 00:01:35,430
♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪
36
00:01:35,451 --> 00:01:37,474
♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪
37
00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:40,416
♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪
38
00:01:40,436 --> 00:01:42,561
♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪
39
00:01:42,581 --> 00:01:44,675
♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪
40
00:01:44,695 --> 00:01:47,586
♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪
41
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,701
♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪
42
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,580
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
43
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,592
♪ I whistled for a cab ♪
and when it came near ♪
44
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,809
♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪
45
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:56,925
♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪
46
00:01:56,945 --> 00:01:58,722
♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪
47
00:01:58,742 --> 00:02:01,010
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
48
00:02:01,031 --> 00:02:04,065
♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪
49
00:02:04,085 --> 00:02:05,954
♪ And I yelled to the cabby ♪
50
00:02:05,976 --> 00:02:07,110
♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪
51
00:02:07,130 --> 00:02:09,194
♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪
52
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:13,054
♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
53
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,349
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
54
00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:23,331
Going to the Lakers game,
huh, Will?
55
00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:25,446
Uh, well, no. There's been
a change of plans, Uncle Phil.
56
00:02:25,466 --> 00:02:27,473
I'm going to a party.
57
00:02:27,493 --> 00:02:29,489
Ask him if he got any
sevens,
Hil.
58
00:02:31,437 --> 00:02:33,394
Got any sevens, daddy?
59
00:02:33,413 --> 00:02:36,328
Ah, Ms. Ashley.
Ready for your big date?
60
00:02:36,348 --> 00:02:39,333
- Not really.
- What's the matter, honey?
61
00:02:39,354 --> 00:02:40,412
Did you ever have
one of those days
62
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:42,498
when you just don't feel pretty?
63
00:02:42,519 --> 00:02:44,246
No.
64
00:02:45,324 --> 00:02:47,311
Tsk. I don't know what to
do.
65
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:50,275
Robert's due here at 8:00, and I
can't do anything with my hair
66
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,452
nothing looks good on me,
and I feel fat.
67
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:55,248
Oh, Ashley, you look adorable.
68
00:02:55,268 --> 00:02:58,353
Oh, that's real comforting,
coming from my father.
69
00:02:58,372 --> 00:03:01,437
- That's it. I'm not going.
- Ashley, wait.
70
00:03:01,458 --> 00:03:04,283
Look, your date won't be here
for another hour.
71
00:03:04,302 --> 00:03:05,380
Let's go upstairs
and I'll give you
72
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,417
some Hilary Banks beauty
tips.
73
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:10,333
Trust me. I know exactly
what you're feeling.
74
00:03:10,352 --> 00:03:14,256
You mean you've had nights
where you felt fat and ugly?
75
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,302
Okay, so I don't know
exactly what you're feeling.
76
00:03:19,377 --> 00:03:22,273
You know, so, when I was
at Notre Dame, right?
77
00:03:22,294 --> 00:03:25,379
They put me in the last play
at a last game, right?
78
00:03:25,398 --> 00:03:27,454
Hey, of course, when Hollywood
got a hold of my story
79
00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:29,361
they made it a white dude, huh?
80
00:03:35,262 --> 00:03:37,149
What are you doing here, anyway?
81
00:03:39,215 --> 00:03:41,202
Never mind.
82
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,288
I.. I'm.. I think, I think
I'm gonna go have some
chips.
83
00:03:43,309 --> 00:03:45,366
I'm-I'm..
I'm feeling chippy.
84
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,268
Excuse me. Excuse me.
85
00:03:50,287 --> 00:03:52,323
- Will!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
86
00:03:52,343 --> 00:03:54,260
Hey, Jackie!
87
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,135
I didn't see you standing
in front of the dip.
88
00:04:00,171 --> 00:04:01,320
Is this guy a friend of yours?
89
00:04:01,338 --> 00:04:03,185
Who wants to know?
90
00:04:08,227 --> 00:04:10,214
(all)
'Hank! Hank! Hank! Hank!'
91
00:04:10,234 --> 00:04:12,350
'Hank! Hank! Hank! Hank!'
92
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:17,192
And you are?
93
00:04:17,212 --> 00:04:18,361
[Hank coughs]
94
00:04:21,187 --> 00:04:23,114
(all)
'Where's Hank?'
95
00:04:26,347 --> 00:04:28,234
If that was a sorority
out there
96
00:04:28,254 --> 00:04:30,331
they would know
what my name was.
97
00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:32,289
Oh, you know, my brother,
I wa-I was wondering.
98
00:04:32,309 --> 00:04:34,255
Was that the Ohio State game
99
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,182
where you fumbled three times?
100
00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:39,076
[chuckles]
Yeah. Well, I really
shouldn't have tried to play
101
00:04:39,097 --> 00:04:41,114
with a broken hand.
102
00:04:41,134 --> 00:04:42,202
[chuckles softly]
103
00:04:42,222 --> 00:04:46,046
Well, I played basketball
once without a leg.
104
00:04:46,065 --> 00:04:49,090
Well, that explains
why your jokes are so lame.
105
00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:52,105
Hey, now, was that your call,
or did the coach send that in?
106
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,143
Hey, the testosterone
is starting to
107
00:04:54,162 --> 00:04:55,300
reach a dangerous level.
108
00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:57,238
Carlton, do you want to dance?
109
00:04:57,258 --> 00:04:59,135
You want to dance with me?
110
00:04:59,154 --> 00:05:00,282
Really?
111
00:05:00,303 --> 00:05:02,180
Oh, I always thought there
was chemistry between us.
112
00:05:02,199 --> 00:05:03,287
I mean, ever since
the first day we met.
113
00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:05,075
There was an indescribable
something..
114
00:05:05,094 --> 00:05:07,200
Hey, do you want to dance?
115
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,112
[instrumental music]
116
00:05:21,138 --> 00:05:24,114
Daddy, I hope
you're sitting down.
117
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:26,060
Oh.
118
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,195
Well, we all knew that
Ashley was, well, cute
119
00:05:29,215 --> 00:05:31,172
but with my help,
she has turned into
120
00:05:31,192 --> 00:05:33,099
an absolute knockout.
121
00:05:33,118 --> 00:05:35,963
So it gives me great
pleasure to present..
122
00:05:37,042 --> 00:05:39,967
...the new Ashley Banks!
123
00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:47,186
Well, isn't she the most
gorgeous creature
124
00:05:47,205 --> 00:05:49,181
you've ever seen?
125
00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:52,965
Well, honey..
126
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,144
'She looks like you.'
127
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,068
I know. Isn't it great?
128
00:05:57,089 --> 00:05:59,046
I can't wait for mom to see her.
When's she coming home?
129
00:05:59,065 --> 00:06:00,113
Well, I'm not sure.
130
00:06:00,134 --> 00:06:02,950
She's bowling next door
at the Spelling's.
131
00:06:05,006 --> 00:06:08,071
Ashley, sweetheart, are you
comfortable dressed like this?
132
00:06:08,090 --> 00:06:11,055
Well, daddy, it all comes
down
to what Robert thinks..
133
00:06:11,076 --> 00:06:14,041
Ashley, aren't we
forgetting something?
134
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,068
Ha-ah!
135
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:17,994
[giggles]
136
00:06:18,014 --> 00:06:19,162
[gasps]
Oh!
137
00:06:22,946 --> 00:06:23,984
'I am so proud.'
138
00:06:24,004 --> 00:06:25,162
Don't move.
I need a picture of this.
139
00:06:25,881 --> 00:06:26,869
I'll go get my camera.
140
00:06:26,889 --> 00:06:28,037
[both giggle]
141
00:06:32,071 --> 00:06:35,106
Well, Ashley,
you-you look very nice.
142
00:06:35,126 --> 00:06:38,900
Nice? I look like
"Honey, I shrunk the Hilary."
143
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,946
Look, sweetheart, if you don't
like what Hilary did to you
144
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:41,996
why don't you tell her so?
145
00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:44,092
I can't.
It'd hurt her feelings.
146
00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:46,946
There's only one thing I can do.
147
00:06:46,966 --> 00:06:49,951
Hello, Robert?
Listen, I can't go.
148
00:06:49,971 --> 00:06:52,877
I got stuck babysitting
my little brother.
149
00:06:52,897 --> 00:06:54,823
Yeah, me, too.
150
00:06:54,843 --> 00:06:55,942
Well, bye.
151
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,977
Okay, say, "Charge it."
152
00:06:59,895 --> 00:07:00,933
[camera shutter clicks]
153
00:07:01,942 --> 00:07:04,867
Hilary, Robert canceled on me.
154
00:07:04,887 --> 00:07:06,914
And after all your hard work.
155
00:07:06,934 --> 00:07:08,900
Oh, that's awful.
156
00:07:08,921 --> 00:07:11,896
Oh, but look on the bright side,
you might have gotten dumped
157
00:07:11,916 --> 00:07:14,911
but you look marvelous.
158
00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:15,959
[camera shutter clicks]
159
00:07:15,979 --> 00:07:17,017
[Hilary giggles]
160
00:07:18,885 --> 00:07:21,880
Ashley, where did you learn
to lie like that?
161
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:22,933
Mom taught me.
162
00:07:24,918 --> 00:07:27,927
[instrumental music]
163
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:41,938
[scoffs]
Poor Jackie, man.
164
00:07:41,959 --> 00:07:44,868
Stuck over there
with that clown.
165
00:07:44,888 --> 00:07:46,021
She got to be miserable.
166
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,966
Whoo! Go, Hank!
167
00:07:47,986 --> 00:07:50,885
Yeah! Whoo!
168
00:07:50,906 --> 00:07:53,955
What would it take for me to get
a woman to make that noise?
169
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,024
Probably cash.
170
00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:00,183
Hey, y-you know what?
171
00:08:00,904 --> 00:08:03,191
I can't stand to see her
suffer like this.
172
00:08:03,913 --> 00:08:06,150
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
Montana. Montana.
173
00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:08,948
Let me show you how
we do this in a hip city.
174
00:08:13,031 --> 00:08:15,097
- Yo, what's up, man?
- What's up with you?
175
00:08:15,117 --> 00:08:18,166
Hank, let me dance with him
this one time, alright, baby?
176
00:08:18,186 --> 00:08:20,232
[sighs]
Whatever you say, baby.
177
00:08:22,128 --> 00:08:24,204
Hey, why don't you go take
a steroid break?
178
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:30,201
[scoffs]
Girl, I'm sure glad
we got rid of that nut.
179
00:08:36,008 --> 00:08:37,091
Yeah, you're pretty good
with your legs
180
00:08:37,112 --> 00:08:39,138
but let's see how you are
with your arms.
181
00:08:39,157 --> 00:08:40,240
(Will)
'What?'
182
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:45,246
Arm wrestling?
That is..
183
00:08:45,266 --> 00:08:48,165
That's a boy's game.
184
00:08:48,184 --> 00:08:50,069
You're right.
185
00:08:50,089 --> 00:08:52,226
Step up...to a man's game.
186
00:08:52,247 --> 00:08:53,270
Matt!
187
00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:57,292
Look, if this is over me you can
just stop it right now, alright?
188
00:08:57,312 --> 00:09:00,250
[chuckles]
This is bigger than you, baby.
189
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:03,319
- It's a man thing.
- 'Oh!'
190
00:09:03,338 --> 00:09:05,214
Excuse me.
191
00:09:09,246 --> 00:09:10,239
Alright, lightweight.
192
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:13,318
- Bottoms up.
- 'Freeze!'
193
00:09:19,135 --> 00:09:20,329
Will, what the heck
do you think you're doing?
194
00:09:20,350 --> 00:09:22,386
- You can't drink.
- Why not?
195
00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:23,428
Because you're underage.
196
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,296
It's against the law,
mister.
197
00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:33,228
Thank you very much,
McGruff the Crime Dog..
198
00:09:33,248 --> 00:09:35,224
...but t-this is the law
of the jungle.
199
00:09:35,244 --> 00:09:38,253
It's chump or be chumped.
I know what I'm doing.
200
00:09:40,197 --> 00:09:41,291
A toast..
201
00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:43,468
To my worthy opponent.
202
00:09:43,487 --> 00:09:45,423
In the words
of "Public Enemy"
203
00:09:45,444 --> 00:09:47,309
"Bring the noise!"
204
00:09:47,329 --> 00:09:48,332
[clink]
205
00:09:48,351 --> 00:09:49,435
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
206
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,261
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!
207
00:09:53,376 --> 00:09:54,479
Yeah!
208
00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:57,358
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
209
00:09:57,378 --> 00:09:58,411
[cheering]
210
00:10:07,459 --> 00:10:09,294
[hoarse voice]
Smooth.
211
00:10:10,478 --> 00:10:12,413
- Alright!
- Alright! Here we go!
212
00:10:12,432 --> 00:10:14,458
[cheering]
213
00:10:17,298 --> 00:10:19,354
- Oh!
- Oh!
214
00:10:19,374 --> 00:10:21,390
[cheering]
215
00:10:22,482 --> 00:10:23,565
Boo!
216
00:10:25,512 --> 00:10:28,360
- 'Come on!'
- Will, stop it.
217
00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:30,345
This has gotten
way out of hand.
218
00:10:30,365 --> 00:10:32,391
What are you talkin' about, man?
219
00:10:32,412 --> 00:10:33,496
I only had..
220
00:10:36,444 --> 00:10:38,380
Two.
221
00:10:38,399 --> 00:10:40,505
Look, you've had enough.
Come on, get up.
222
00:10:42,431 --> 00:10:43,564
There. You happy?
223
00:10:45,471 --> 00:10:46,494
Will.
224
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:49,432
Hey, look, look, look.
Listen, man, listen.
225
00:10:49,452 --> 00:10:52,431
I'm not stopping until he does.
226
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,458
'Shh!'
227
00:10:56,563 --> 00:10:58,549
(all)
Ooh!
228
00:10:58,569 --> 00:11:00,565
You got it! You got it!
229
00:11:00,585 --> 00:11:01,708
Alright!
230
00:11:02,431 --> 00:11:03,514
Whoo!
231
00:11:03,534 --> 00:11:04,547
Whoo!
232
00:11:05,449 --> 00:11:07,615
Banzai!
233
00:11:07,636 --> 00:11:10,645
Feed us, sasquatch.
234
00:11:10,665 --> 00:11:13,554
Look, I've had about all
I can take of this damn thing.
235
00:11:13,574 --> 00:11:15,670
Carlton, would you
take me home, please?
236
00:11:17,645 --> 00:11:18,688
Jackie.
237
00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:23,744
Yeah, Carlton, have the valet
bring around your big wheel.
238
00:11:23,763 --> 00:11:26,531
[laughs]
239
00:11:26,551 --> 00:11:28,577
I'm ashamed of you.
240
00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:29,742
Look, I'm gonna go
take Jackie home.
241
00:11:29,762 --> 00:11:31,557
Wait here till I get back.
242
00:11:31,576 --> 00:11:34,745
And you're in no condition
to drive, mister.
243
00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:36,722
As a matter of fact,
give me your keys.
244
00:11:36,742 --> 00:11:39,561
Hey, hey,
what you talkin' about, man?
245
00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:42,549
I can keep my own car keys,
you understand?
246
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:43,712
I'm responsible.
247
00:11:43,732 --> 00:11:45,848
Did you know I had a puppy?
248
00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:47,734
What happened to him?
249
00:11:48,768 --> 00:11:49,831
I don't know.
250
00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:51,776
- Give me those keys.
- Hee-hee-hee!
251
00:11:51,797 --> 00:11:54,715
Uh-uh-uh! That ain't it.
252
00:11:56,671 --> 00:11:58,757
Just wait here.
I'll be back for you.
253
00:12:00,673 --> 00:12:02,900
I hope you goin' to have fun
drivin' my gym locker.
254
00:12:03,621 --> 00:12:04,754
[giggles]
255
00:12:04,774 --> 00:12:06,910
You happy, chump? Jackie left.
256
00:12:07,633 --> 00:12:09,819
Oh, man. That's really..
That's a shame.
257
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:10,893
That's, that's a shame
258
00:12:10,912 --> 00:12:14,874
'cause she's gonna miss
my tribute to you.
259
00:12:15,858 --> 00:12:16,891
Excuse me.
260
00:12:17,844 --> 00:12:19,719
Ladies and gentlemen..
261
00:12:20,772 --> 00:12:23,811
I'd like to make a roast to
262
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:26,719
Mr. Stank Barley.
263
00:12:26,739 --> 00:12:27,822
'Now, listen, listen.'
264
00:12:27,842 --> 00:12:31,694
This man is an all-American.
265
00:12:31,714 --> 00:12:33,820
Which don't really matter
'cause we all Americans.
266
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,826
[chuckles]
267
00:12:35,846 --> 00:12:36,869
No, but seriously
268
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,818
spanky has got some moves
269
00:12:39,839 --> 00:12:42,777
but he ain't gettin'
no parts of the scoreboard
270
00:12:42,797 --> 00:12:43,881
with my girl Jackie
271
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:47,881
'cause she can see through
a chump like you
272
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,907
a mile away.
273
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,876
Both of you.
274
00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:56,046
You jock-itchin',
wide-receivin'
275
00:12:56,769 --> 00:12:58,835
love to take the snap punk!
276
00:12:58,855 --> 00:13:00,791
[laughs]
277
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:01,963
Happy Kwanza, creep!
278
00:13:04,069 --> 00:13:05,794
[crash]
279
00:13:06,026 --> 00:13:07,811
Aw, look at that.
280
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,054
'I think he's dead.'
281
00:13:09,074 --> 00:13:11,872
And you know
where dead people go.
282
00:13:11,893 --> 00:13:14,040
[instrumental music]
283
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,978
- 'Hey, kid. Get up.'
- Mm.
284
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,903
What's that, Jackie?
285
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:21,993
You got an even
smaller bathing suit?
286
00:13:22,012 --> 00:13:23,918
Alright, sleepy, let's go.
287
00:13:23,939 --> 00:13:25,102
Naptime's over.
288
00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:28,924
Ooh, man.
289
00:13:28,944 --> 00:13:30,889
I feel like death.
290
00:13:30,908 --> 00:13:33,005
Well, you came
to the right place.
291
00:13:33,025 --> 00:13:34,168
[laughs]
292
00:13:35,893 --> 00:13:36,926
[groans]
293
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,124
Oh, man.
294
00:13:41,902 --> 00:13:43,065
[gasps]
What the..
295
00:13:44,159 --> 00:13:45,954
Yo!
296
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,952
Are you the caretaker here?
297
00:13:48,972 --> 00:13:51,078
Uh, no.
I'm more like a tenant.
298
00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,074
Hey, do you play poker?
299
00:13:53,094 --> 00:13:55,070
We need a fourth.
300
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:56,985
A fourth?
There's only two of us.
301
00:14:02,131 --> 00:14:03,144
Now there's four.
302
00:14:03,165 --> 00:14:04,218
[chuckles softly]
303
00:14:06,233 --> 00:14:08,118
Make it three.
304
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:09,252
[gate clanks]
305
00:14:12,231 --> 00:14:14,247
[whimpering]
306
00:14:19,171 --> 00:14:21,137
Y'all are dead, aren't you?
307
00:14:21,157 --> 00:14:23,143
"Dead" is so politically
incorrect.
308
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,031
We prefer the term
"Living impaired."
309
00:14:26,051 --> 00:14:27,185
I know.
310
00:14:27,205 --> 00:14:30,153
It's much nicer.
I can live with that.
311
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,099
A-a-am-am I dead?
312
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,216
Well, there's only
one way to find out.
313
00:14:34,235 --> 00:14:36,161
Take the wall test.
314
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,188
[laughing]
315
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:50,264
The living guys
always fall for that.
316
00:14:51,186 --> 00:14:53,222
'Come on. Sit down.'
317
00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:58,224
Smoke?
318
00:14:58,245 --> 00:14:59,366
No, no, I don't smoke.
319
00:14:59,385 --> 00:15:02,227
Hey, you shouldn't either, man.
320
00:15:02,248 --> 00:15:04,349
I just gave a health tip
to a dead guy.
321
00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:09,272
[sniffs]
Somebody's been
hitting the vino.
322
00:15:09,292 --> 00:15:11,193
Oh, i-it's tequila.
323
00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:13,156
I-I was just going
shot for shot
324
00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:14,345
with this football clown.
325
00:15:14,366 --> 00:15:17,419
Oh, drinking contests
are nowheresville.
326
00:15:18,139 --> 00:15:21,211
You want to prove you're
a real man, you play
chicken.
327
00:15:21,231 --> 00:15:23,313
You know, two guys drive
towards a cliff
328
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:26,205
the first one that stops loses.
329
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:28,156
That's how I got here.
330
00:15:28,175 --> 00:15:29,316
I won.
331
00:15:31,219 --> 00:15:33,160
I'm sorry.
Let's review here.
332
00:15:33,179 --> 00:15:35,421
Ahem,
you went flying off a cliff.
333
00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:37,282
The guy who didn't is probably
334
00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:39,333
laying up
under your woman right now
335
00:15:39,354 --> 00:15:41,266
and you're stuck here
336
00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:44,357
playing eternal poker
with no chips.
337
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,329
Nice going, buddy.
338
00:15:46,349 --> 00:15:49,242
Hey, they called me yellow!
339
00:15:49,262 --> 00:15:51,333
Oh, please,
rebel without a clue.
340
00:15:51,353 --> 00:15:55,226
It's kids like you that make me
glad I never had children.
341
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,417
So you were married?
342
00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:59,338
Yes, but I was
so focused on my career
343
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:02,291
that my husband
left me...I think.
344
00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:04,391
I actually never did
have time to read that note.
345
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:09,276
- So what did you do?
- I was in publishing.
346
00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:11,297
Worked with the
number-one author.
347
00:16:11,316 --> 00:16:12,457
It's very competitive
348
00:16:13,179 --> 00:16:15,460
but I pushed and pushed
until I made it to the top.
349
00:16:16,181 --> 00:16:17,352
[gasps]
350
00:16:17,372 --> 00:16:18,363
[sighs]
351
00:16:18,383 --> 00:16:21,205
I liked being on top.
352
00:16:21,224 --> 00:16:22,414
I was a real winner.
353
00:16:22,435 --> 00:16:26,248
Is winning really worth
going to an early grave?
354
00:16:26,268 --> 00:16:27,419
Yeah! You bet it is.
355
00:16:27,439 --> 00:16:30,221
Yeah, I always wanted
to be the best.
356
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,302
You know, I never even
sat down between rounds.
357
00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:36,264
Yeah, I couldn't wait to get
back in there and slug it out.
358
00:16:36,285 --> 00:16:37,486
Let me guess.
You died in the ring.
359
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:41,208
No.
During the post-fight interview.
360
00:16:41,228 --> 00:16:44,330
The doctor said the next punch
could kill me.
361
00:16:44,350 --> 00:16:46,442
A lucky guess.
362
00:16:46,462 --> 00:16:48,403
You know, if-if you guys
don't mind me saying
363
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,266
you all died for some
really dumb reasons.
364
00:16:51,286 --> 00:16:52,477
Now, that's where you're wrong.
365
00:16:52,496 --> 00:16:54,498
We may have paid
the ultimate price
366
00:16:55,218 --> 00:16:57,250
but at least we had
everyone's respect.
367
00:16:57,270 --> 00:17:00,292
Yes, their last respects.
368
00:17:00,313 --> 00:17:02,304
[Billy banging]
369
00:17:02,324 --> 00:17:03,355
Oh, not again.
370
00:17:03,374 --> 00:17:04,385
[sighs]
371
00:17:05,265 --> 00:17:06,256
Yo, Billy!
372
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,497
Go back to your plot!
373
00:17:08,218 --> 00:17:10,490
That damn kid won't stay buried.
374
00:17:10,509 --> 00:17:13,391
I don't have the patience
to deal with him.
375
00:17:13,412 --> 00:17:14,483
Would you mind?
376
00:17:16,313 --> 00:17:18,325
Oh...yeah.
377
00:17:18,345 --> 00:17:20,446
Sure-sure.
378
00:17:20,467 --> 00:17:23,459
[Billy banging]
379
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,422
Okay.
380
00:17:26,442 --> 00:17:28,383
[Will chuckles]
Hey, Billy?
381
00:17:28,403 --> 00:17:29,514
Who wants to know?
382
00:17:30,234 --> 00:17:32,486
- Oh, my name's Will Smith.
- Can you catch?
383
00:17:32,505 --> 00:17:35,437
Oh, yeah. Come on. Let's go.
Let's see what you got.
384
00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:37,239
Ohh!
385
00:17:37,258 --> 00:17:38,499
Some arm you got there, kid.
386
00:17:38,519 --> 00:17:42,272
I know. I was going to play
shortstop for the Dodgers.
387
00:17:42,292 --> 00:17:44,383
Hey, maybe you still
will one day.
388
00:17:54,392 --> 00:17:55,492
Billy..
389
00:17:57,283 --> 00:17:58,454
How did you die?
390
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:03,368
I was playing ball
on the sidewalk.
391
00:18:03,388 --> 00:18:05,500
This car jumped the curb
392
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,510
took me out.
393
00:18:07,530 --> 00:18:09,502
The driver was drunk.
394
00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:17,398
Come on. Let's play.
395
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,350
No. Uh, no, um..
396
00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:23,432
I'm not feeling
so good, Billy.
397
00:18:23,453 --> 00:18:25,454
I-I'm going to just
chill for a minute.
398
00:18:35,411 --> 00:18:37,453
[instrumental music]
399
00:18:40,574 --> 00:18:42,395
(Carlton)
'Will!'
400
00:18:43,427 --> 00:18:44,568
Will!
401
00:18:46,378 --> 00:18:49,520
Will! Hey, Will!
402
00:18:49,541 --> 00:18:51,383
[groaning]
403
00:18:52,463 --> 00:18:54,355
Hey, hey..
404
00:18:54,374 --> 00:18:56,315
Uncle Phil!
405
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:57,556
Hey, man.
406
00:18:57,576 --> 00:19:00,578
Uhh, hey, hey.
407
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:02,351
Hey.
408
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,511
You're little.
409
00:19:07,524 --> 00:19:09,556
[music continues]
410
00:19:12,308 --> 00:19:15,390
Don't worry, Ash. There are
plenty of men in the sea.
411
00:19:15,409 --> 00:19:17,471
You mean fish in the sea.
412
00:19:17,492 --> 00:19:18,552
No, I mean men.
413
00:19:18,571 --> 00:19:21,543
Fish don't own yachts.
414
00:19:21,564 --> 00:19:24,407
Look, Ashley, Robert was a jerk
for standing you up
415
00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:26,357
but he's gonna be sorry
he ever did.
416
00:19:26,377 --> 00:19:27,548
Why do you say that?
417
00:19:27,569 --> 00:19:29,560
Because starting tomorrow,
not only am I gonna do
418
00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:32,561
your hair and makeup,
but I'm getting you a manicure
419
00:19:32,581 --> 00:19:35,323
pedicure, and a mud bath.
420
00:19:35,343 --> 00:19:38,356
People are gonna think
we're twins.
421
00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:39,516
Hilary..
422
00:19:39,537 --> 00:19:41,439
Robert didn't stand me up.
423
00:19:41,459 --> 00:19:44,551
- I canceled our date.
- Why?
424
00:19:44,571 --> 00:19:47,483
Look, I appreciate you trying
to do all this for me
425
00:19:47,503 --> 00:19:49,465
but it just isn't me.
426
00:19:49,485 --> 00:19:50,595
I mean,
I didn't feel comfortable
427
00:19:50,614 --> 00:19:53,416
having Robert see me like that.
428
00:19:53,436 --> 00:19:54,517
I hope you're not mad.
429
00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:56,560
Ashley..
430
00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:59,582
You're my baby sister,
and I love you.
431
00:19:59,601 --> 00:20:01,432
There's certainly nothing wrong
432
00:20:01,452 --> 00:20:03,574
with you wanting to look
just the way you are.
433
00:20:03,595 --> 00:20:06,357
You're just not gonna do
the volume I do.
434
00:20:08,377 --> 00:20:10,489
Ms. Ashley,
a young man to see you.
435
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,541
Robert. Oh my God.
I look terrible.
436
00:20:12,561 --> 00:20:14,423
Stop!
437
00:20:16,534 --> 00:20:18,566
Thought I could
help you babysit.
438
00:20:18,586 --> 00:20:20,457
This is embarrassing.
439
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,439
I'm not really babysitting.
440
00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:25,510
You're not?
Then, why did you tell me that--
441
00:20:25,531 --> 00:20:28,553
Look, it's along story.
442
00:20:28,573 --> 00:20:31,535
Tell me about it
over some frozen yogurt?
443
00:20:32,475 --> 00:20:33,595
Really?
444
00:20:36,447 --> 00:20:37,478
Let's go.
445
00:20:41,411 --> 00:20:42,522
Well, Ms. Hillary, I guess
446
00:20:42,543 --> 00:20:45,475
beauty is in the eyes
of the beholder.
447
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,635
Yeah, right.
448
00:20:48,517 --> 00:20:51,519
[instrumental music]
449
00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:55,621
Oh, man.
450
00:20:55,641 --> 00:20:58,493
How could I make
such a mess of this stuff?
451
00:20:58,514 --> 00:20:59,645
Well, not rolling down
the window
452
00:20:59,664 --> 00:21:03,457
before you ralphed in the Volvo
was a good start.
453
00:21:03,477 --> 00:21:06,489
But why would you even bother
competing with a guy like that?
454
00:21:06,509 --> 00:21:07,650
The dude was tryn'
to play me, man.
455
00:21:07,670 --> 00:21:08,661
What was I supposed to do?
456
00:21:08,681 --> 00:21:10,682
You could've walked away.
457
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:13,574
[sigh]
Th.. I know.
458
00:21:13,595 --> 00:21:15,477
You know, i-it's like
459
00:21:15,496 --> 00:21:18,458
I was watching myself
being stupid
460
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,579
but I couldn't do
nothing about it.
461
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,652
Whew. That must be what
Chevy Chase felt like.
462
00:21:27,484 --> 00:21:28,565
I can relate.
463
00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:30,427
Remember last Christmas
when I had that
464
00:21:30,446 --> 00:21:31,677
second slice of rum cake?
465
00:21:31,697 --> 00:21:33,559
The next thing I knew
I was up on the kitchen table
466
00:21:33,580 --> 00:21:36,442
with a lampshade on my head,
singing show tunes.
467
00:21:37,632 --> 00:21:39,474
Trust me,
I learned my lesson, man.
468
00:21:39,493 --> 00:21:40,674
I ain't never drinking again.
469
00:21:40,694 --> 00:21:43,526
Come on, Will, it's a matter
of being responsible
470
00:21:43,547 --> 00:21:45,448
and knowing your limits.
471
00:21:45,467 --> 00:21:46,638
[sighs]
472
00:21:46,659 --> 00:21:49,501
You know, I almost got in my car
and drove home tonight.
473
00:21:51,422 --> 00:21:53,444
Well, let's just be glad
you didn't.
474
00:21:53,463 --> 00:21:55,644
Well, I got a lot
accomplished today, huh?
475
00:21:55,665 --> 00:21:58,658
I lost Jackie,
I lost my self-respect
476
00:21:58,678 --> 00:22:00,589
I lost my dinner.
477
00:22:02,590 --> 00:22:04,572
I ain't got nothin' left.
478
00:22:04,592 --> 00:22:05,623
[groans]
479
00:22:07,533 --> 00:22:09,639
Wrong again. Unh..
480
00:22:12,677 --> 00:22:15,744
[music continues]
481
00:22:19,801 --> 00:22:20,926
Ah, um..
482
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:22,818
I'm-I'm sorry, guys
483
00:22:22,838 --> 00:22:23,922
but..
484
00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:24,955
...I really don't remember
485
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,029
my next line.
486
00:22:26,049 --> 00:22:28,002
[all laughing]
487
00:22:30,128 --> 00:22:32,071
No, I really don't.
488
00:22:33,216 --> 00:22:35,087
Is, uh, winning worth..
489
00:22:35,106 --> 00:22:37,080
Oh, okay. We can just keep
going. We can keep going.
490
00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:38,143
We can keep going. Alright.
491
00:22:38,163 --> 00:22:39,216
What?
492
00:22:41,170 --> 00:22:42,284
[laughing]
33945
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