All language subtitles for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air S04E03 WEB [1080p].en

Look, Will, we're almost there.

Carlton, relax. This is the line
for class registration.

Not the Nixon Library.

Oh, Will, I almost forgot
I took

the liberty of jotting out
a few courses

you might be interested in.

Thank you, Carlton,
but I already have

my academic priorities in order.

Wow, Will, I'm proud of you.

You're finally taking
your education seriously.

Can I help you?

Yes, I'll have
what she's having.

[theme song]

♪ Now, this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life got
flipped turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how I became
the prince of a town ♪

♪ Called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In west Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

[instrumental music]

Will, do you realize we stopped

and talked to every woman
we saw?

So?

We were on the freeway.

Why do you do
these crazy things?

The same reason Eddie Murphy
tries to sing

I like the challenge.

Right, well, if you like
to be challenged so much

how come you registered
for classes

like Cheese Appreciation?

Carlton, the challenge
is to make

your life as easy as possible.

Mmm, that's why
God made canned meat.

- Spam cakes, anyone?
- Hey, man.

- Ah, morning.
- Hey, Uncle Phil.

Mmm, Geoffrey,
something sure smells good.

Oh, Patchouli,
sweet of you to notice.

So how was registration
today,
guys?

Oh, yo, it was slamming,
Uncle Phil.

- Mmm, he met a girl, right?
- You got it, big guy.

And he joined classes
just because she's in it.

He doesn't even know
what he's taking.

- I do too.
- Name it.

It's western pornography.

Western Philosophy.

Western Philosophy?
I'm impressed.

You don't even know
what Western Philosophy is.

I do too.

It answers questions like.

Did anybody really believe
Kool Moe Dee was a cowboy?

You know..

♪ The wild wild west ♪

♪ The wild
wild west ♪

♪ I used to live downtown ♪

- 'Ashley.'
- I'm late for school,
daddy.

Ashley!

Could we see
a little compassion here?

Hilary just lost her fiance.

She could use
a little sisterly comfort.

I'm sorry. You're right.

Hilary, this is your sister,
Ashley.

Suck it up,
and get on with your life!

Hilary.

Sweetheart.

How you feeling?

I'm feeling much better, thanks.

Now, now, baby, tell you what.

Why don't you
put on some clothes

and hop in the car

and drive over to Neiman's

and do a little shopping, huh?

Oh, thanks, Daddy
but I'm not ready

to go out just yet.

Oh, and you don't have to. Here.

I'll even look
the number up for you.

- Hello, Neiman's?

Listen, I want to order
that adorable

Donna Karan pantsuit
in your catalog.

Item DK35712.

Yeah, and on page 14, there's
this fabulous leather bag and..

Oh, that would be cute.

(Will)
'Okay, okay,
attention Kmart shoppers.'

We're running out of books
for Psych 157

the study of human sexuality.

So for any of you slimmies,
who miss out

I'll be more than happy
to demonstrate

the contents of the book.

Twice, you know.

[imitating hen]

Can I borrow that for a second?

Oh, sure thing, boss lady.

You're an idiot.

There you go making
snap judgments again.

- Hi, I need to get--
- Hey, Sting.

Kick some lyrics, man.

Do you always have to
embarrass me in public?

No, you do that all by yourself.

What'd you sign up for today,
Advanced Sarcasm?

Whatever I'm taking has gotta be
tougher than your schedule.

What is Cheese Appreciation,
anyway?

Have you ever heard
of a little thing

called Western Philosophy?

You're taking
Western Philosophy?

I can see you're being
seduced
by my intellectual prowess.

Is that spam in your teeth?

I didn't have no spam.

- Carlton, my bird.
- Ow!

Excuse me, you think I could
possibly get some help?

Well, Hair Club For Men
would be a good start.

Ah, nothing like that
minimum-wage humor.

Look, my friend,
if it's not too taxing

I'd like you to do
a little work, right now

and find these books for me.

Alright, alright,
just relax a second.

Uh, here, fill out
this requisition form

and I'll get them for you
as soon as I can.

Okay. Try to have it
before our graduation, okay?

Sure thing, Skippy.

You know,
I'd, I'd stay and continue

this battle of wits with you
but you're obviously
unarmed.

Hey, I'll be sure and take care

of this requisition form
for you.

He dribbles behind his back
he's up and he shoots.

Oh, and it's no good.

Carlton the peacock says

"Don't be a quitter,
pick up your litter."

Help me!
Come on, guys, help me up.

Yeah, we need a cleanup
on aisle four.

We got some bird droppings.

[instrumental music]

Excuse me.

But I think I've seen
your picture somewhere before.

Oh, yeah, that's right,
it was in the dictionary

next tocompliance.

Don't you have anything
better
to do than hit on me?

Oh, well, now, I don't know,
let me check my schedule.

Nope, all clear.

You know..

Plus, I don't have
any early classes

that means we could sleep in.

You're relentless.

Yeah, I don't give up, neither.

Just think of me as
the Love Terminator.

T2, meet my boyfriend, T-Rex.

Hasta la vista,baby.

[clears throat]

Hey, Skippy,
the Garth Brooks concert

must be over, huh?

- You think I could get by?
- Well, not with those looks.

I see you're hung up on
superficial facades.

Oh, I'm sorry,
but I don't speak geek.

No, now, come on, come on, man.
No, I'm just kidding. Here..

Why don't you take a seat
right here, next to me

and observe a class clown
in his natural habitat.

Oh, I get it.

Oh, you're, you're planning on
giving the teacher

a real hard time, is that it?

Well, you know, that's plan
B.

Plan A was derailed by this

refrigerator-shaped
gentleman over here.

Oh, I gotta tell you, I see
a real problem with Plan B.

- What's that?
- Tch. Watch.

I am Professor Jeremy Mansfield

and this is Western Philosophy.

I'm Will Smith.

And this is an
interesting coincidence.

Philosophy is all about
the perception of reality.

And today's reality is...
this is a very difficult course.

I am a very difficult man

and I'm going to make your lives

very...difficult.

Excuse me,
P-Professor Mansfield

it's not too late to start
sucking up, is it?

There'll be a paper every week

and a pop quiz whenever
I feel like having some fun

and I'm a fun-loving guy.

You will have
five 20-page papers

two midterms,
and a little cumulative final

that I like to call
the widow-maker.

[dramatic music]

Thank you, padre.

Not so quick with the hair jokes
now, are you, my friend?

Well, work may be hard,
but I think..

...in the long run, you'll find
this course...electrifying.

No, no, no! No, wait.
Call my mother!

Or else, somebody call
the governor!

And, I ain't even supposed to be
in this class, man!

I wanna live.

[static]

(Will)
'So, what I'm trying to do here'

Mr. Hosek,
is just drop this one class.

Okay, according to
your schedule

I would say
it's Western Philosophy.

Oh, yeah, how'd you know that?

It's the only course you're
taking that actually requires

staying awake.

Wait a minute,
I have a really good reason

for wanting to
drop that class.

Oh, yeah,
and I'm sure my wife has

a really good reason
for cheating on me.

Look, man,
I got problems of my own.

Oh, you think you got problems?

My wife has seen more action
than Chuck Norris.

I got an office that used to be
the janitor's washroom.

Look, here!

I got a toilet in my closet!

And every day I just see
my career going down it!

Now, since registration is, uh..

...is over, officially over

the only way to, uh..

...get out of a class
is to get the instructor's

written permission.

Here.

What.. I have to get
Professor Mansfield's signature?

He's not gonna sign this. Come
on there has to be another way.

Well, actually,
there...there-there is.

Oh, well, come on, man,
tell me, tell me.

Make it one of your demands,
when you climb

the bell tower with a rifle.

[laughing]

Nurse, I'm ready to leave
now.

[instrumental music]

- Hi, dad, how was court today?
- Ah, it was great.

I got to send El Diablo
up the river.

El Diablo, the graffiti guy?

Yeah, he was the worst tagger
the city's ever known.

It'll be a while before they see
his name around here again.

Vivian.

It's celery, I swear.

Whoa!

Philip,
what has gotten into you?

Oh, the incarceration of a felon

always gets my juices
pumping.

- Whoo!
- Come.

Let's go upstairs and celebrate.

- Whoo!
- Aah!

Honey, we have a problem.

Hilary, your credit cards,
I mean--

Oh, after, after.

- See?
- So what? We're wealthy.

You should have seen me deny
that man's plea bargain.

I was brilliant!

[sobbing]

You're going upstairs,
aren't you?

Yes, sweetheart.
Is there a problem?

I have no one in my life
to go upstairs with anymore.

(all)
Aw!

Lower.

- Honey, how about a rain check?
- Rain check?

Vivian, I am not a car wash.

I have needs.

So does Hilary.

Honey, I'm sorry,
I will stay down here with you.

Vivian!

I'm ready for my wax job.

[instrumental music]

Oh, Mr. Smith.
Such a quiet entrance.

Where's your, your vim?

Your verve...
your pedestrian wit?

Look, why don't we stop wasting
each other's time.

Why don't you just give me an F
and let me be on my way?

Will that make you happy?

Well, what would make me happy
is never having been here

in the first place.

Just get me a drop slip.
I'll make your wish a reality.

Whoa, whoa.

You mean all I have to do to get
out of this class is ask?

Yeah, I don't want anybody in
here who doesn't wanna be here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Man, you gonna start a stampede.

You know, I take back everything
I said about you.

Oh, and, um, give me a couple of
hours before you start your car.

Psych.
Or should I say "philosp."

One of the central questions
of philosophy..

...is the revelation of truth.

Enjoy.

(Mansfield)
'Do you wanna know the truth?'

Do you wanna know the truth?
You can't handle the truth!

Hey, that's Jack Nicholson.

Mr. Smith,
if you wouldn't mind, please

would you just beam yourself
out of here.

Oh, Captain Kirk,
now that's fly.

No, no, no this is "The Fly."

"Help me! Help me!"

'Reality is,
reality changes constantly.'

Yesterday's reality may not
necessarily be today's.

Everybody got a pencil?
Okay, good. Hold it up.

'Little higher. Little lower.
Perfect, right there.'

Now break it in half.

What a sound. From now on, we're
going to be using our minds.

Hey, hey, hey, give me a pencil.
Give me a pencil.

Whoa. Whoa!

This course isn't about
taking notes.

This course is about
creative thinking.

Alright, look,
conservatives, right?

Liberals, rappers, skinheads..

...nudists and televangelists

they all have something
in common, you know what it is?

Whoa, they all been on
Montel Williams.

See, I can't hear you
because you no longer exist.

Oh, but you could shove me,
though, right?

What they have in common is..

...they all have
a distinct version..

...of the truth.

But do we really care
what the truth is?

No, not really.

We want to know,
"How come nobody loves me?"

'"Or where's my next paycheck
coming from?"'

"Or how come I never get any
breaks in life?"

Alright, get some work done,
let's get on our feet.

We need a couple of volunteers
to start with.

Let's get some people who have
a personal philosophy

that is rooted in,
oh, I don't know, sex.

- Whoa.
- Okay, that's what I thought.

Nothing kinky, we just need two.

Denise, right? Denise and, uh,
mmm, aah, ooh, eh

Evan. Good.
Alright, right up there.

Now, don't be nervous.

You're gonna engage
in a little dialectic.

Dialectic is a ten-dollar word

and it means "debate."

Man! I should have never dropped
out of his class.

[instrumental music]

Hey, Uncle Phil.
What you doing down here?

I'm gonna tape Carlton's
first pep rally.

You have no idea how proud I am
that he's the peacock.

Nope, not even a clue.

Oh, eh, you got a little time,
though, Uncle Phil.

- You want some grub?
- I've already eaten.

Is that a yes or a no?

Man, this brings back memories.

Oh, yeah, I bet
you was in the top

of your class at Princeton, huh?

Oh, actually, far from it.

I was spinning my wheels
until I met Matthew Langford.

Oh, who's that,
is that one of your professors?

Oh, not one.
"The professor."

'Man changed my life.'

Turned a skinny lil' kid
from South Carolina

into the man you see
before you today.

And you know how?
He challenged me.

To what? A pie-eating contest?

No, to having
a fool as a nephew.

'I have this theory.'

I believe that
everyone in college

has one special teacher
that..

...that gives him
an insight, a glimpse

into who they really are.

You be on the lookout, Will.

I think I found that dude
already, Uncle Phil.

Already?

I was in my third year
before
I found Professor Langford.

Oh, Uncle Phil, let me tell you,
this dude is hilarious.

I mean, he's fun, he's funny.

He makes me think about
stuff in a way

that, you know, I never even
looked at it before.

- Oh.
- And I dropped his class.

Let me guess.

Western Philosophy, right?

How does everybody know that?

Because every time,
you're faced with a challenge

you run for cover.

Whoa, whoa, come on, now,
that is not true, Uncle Phil.

I mean, this whole college thing
is just kind of new to me.

Oh, bull! It's old territory.

'I mean,
you're always going on about'

how you wanna be out on
your own, and, and get respect.

But you don't do anything
to earn it.

Oh, look, I think
it's my break time.

What the hell is wrong
with you, anyway?

I mean, you're, you're
smart,
you're charming.

You have gifts that other people
would kill to have.

And what do you do? You throw it
away by taking the easy road.

Uncle Phil, this is one class.

No, this is not one class, Will.

This is your life.

It's not my life,
it's not Carlton's life

and you only get out of it
what you put into it.

And you are off
to one lousy start.

But enough about me, Uncle Phil.

Let's talk about you.

That's exactly
what I'm talking about.

[instrumental music]

Today's topic of conversation is
this glass.

Is it A, half-empty,
or B, half-full?

Hey, Professor Mansfield,
it's an emergency

you got to come out here.

What's the matter, Will,
can't move those oranges

at the off-ramp?

Come on, Professor
Mansfield,
I'm serious.

- You got to come out here.
- Alright, alright, alright.

Hey, listen,
now just wax philosophically

for a few moments by yourselves.

Alright, Will, what is it?
What did you want me to see?

Here it is, the new me.

What happened to
yesterday's you?

Well, yesterday's reality
isn't necessarily today's.

Oh, you're mastering the lingo.
I'm impressed.

That's good, because I-I wanna
get back in your class.

I'm sorry, Will..

...some other student
already took your spot.

No, no. Hey, come on,
Professor Mansfield, please.

You gotta do me this favor,
please.

You come to me, my son,
asking for a favor.

I'm gonna make you an offer
you can't refuse.

I'm gonna let you back
in this class.

- Thanks a lot, Godfather.
- Oh.

Unfortunately,
the class registrar is closed

so you won't receive any credit.

Wait, wait, whoa. Hold on.

Freshmen have to carry
12 credits.

I mean, I mean, I'd have to
pick up another class

plus do all the work
in this one.

You gotta love the irony,
though, huh?

- You got a deal. Alright.
- Aah! Good, take a seat.

This looks like a lovely seat
right-right over there.

Okay, here's another oldie
but a goodie.

If a tree falls in the forest
and nobody's around to hear it

does it make a sound?

Yes, yeah, yes, it does.

No, no, it don't.

Well, no, well, you know, yeah,
it's a tree, it has to, yeah.

Yeah, it, it..

Well, how big is the tree?

I mean, is it, is it, is it

anywhere near a-a subway
or anything like that?

Hold it, and how close is this
forest to the ghetto?

'Okay, alright, alright,
how about if it landed on'

'like, a gopher
or something like that?'

'Hey, does the noise
that the gopher makes count?'

Or what if it falls on
Uncle Phil and he hurt the tree?

Will, I almost forgot, I
took
the liberty of jotting out

a few courses
you might be interested in.

Carlton, thank you very much,
but I already have

my academic stuff in order.

(Carlton)
'Good job, Will.'