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1
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:06,607
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,445
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
3
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,613
[FATHER SIGHS]
4
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,149
[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]
5
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,450
[UTENSILS CLATTERING]
6
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,088
Honey, it's family hour,
7
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,689
there must be something on.
8
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:29,463
DAUGHTER:
Oh, wow, Candy Critters!
9
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:33,834
[FATHER EXCLAIMS]
10
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,370
Oh, great. It's Monsters,
our favorite show!
11
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,438
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
12
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,739
Shh, it's starting.
13
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,444
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
14
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,612
[FATHER CHUCKLES]
15
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,252
[WOMAN SINGING LULLABY]
16
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:54,222
* Go to sleep now and rest
17
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,657
* Go to sleep little Eric
18
00:00:56,690 --> 00:01:00,228
* Go to sleep little baby
19
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,363
* Mummy's tired, go to sleep
20
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,133
* Go to sleep
21
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,567
* Go to sleep
22
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,170
* Go to sleep
23
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:13,274
You'll... [GROANING]
Stop it Wendy.
24
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,244
This is motherhood.
25
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,146
Get used to it.
26
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:23,584
Day 97, Wendy
still held hostage.
27
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,487
I'm through.
The singing dog
is tired.
28
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,257
[ERIC CRYING]
Eric, listen to Mommy.
29
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,458
You're supposed to sleep.
30
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:34,395
You're supposed to spend
two-thirds of my life, asleep.
31
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,364
It says so right here.
32
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:37,898
Remember honey,
33
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,601
we read this together
last night just after the
national anthem came on.
34
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,869
[ERIC WHIMPERING]
35
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:45,506
This isn't fair, Eric.
This isn't what
I expected.
36
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,541
If you were a microwave
I could take you back.
37
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:48,709
[LOUD CRYING]
38
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,878
No, honey, it's okay.
It's just...
39
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,647
close your eyes and think
happy thoughts, like...
40
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,285
sunshine and blue skies,
41
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,719
little birdie singing
42
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,190
Adoption. Why not?
43
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,791
If we do it now, we'll
both forget about it
44
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,859
and we can black it out
like it never happened.
45
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:06,927
[LOUD CRYING]
46
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,729
Honey, it's just an option.
47
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,364
Come on Eric,
happy thoughts like
48
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:12,866
like sleep.
49
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,736
Sleep is so good.
50
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,905
Come on honey,
do like Mommy.
51
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,607
Just close your eyes.
52
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,310
It's so easy to...
53
00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,778
go to sleep.
54
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,786
[DOOR CLOSING]
[GASPING]
55
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:35,756
Eric?
56
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,893
[WHISPERING]
He's asleep. Yes!
57
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,562
Yeah, okay.
58
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,864
Come on, into the crib.
59
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,734
That's a good boy.
60
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:48,736
Come on.
61
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,204
[WHISTLING]
62
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,573
[WHISPERING]
No, don't ring the bell! No.
63
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:02,716
[DOOR CREAKS]
64
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,519
Mrs. Prozak...
65
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,891
Teddy. Oh, um...
66
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:15,496
Right here
on the table
is just fine.
67
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,465
Are you all right, Mrs. P?
Your door was open.
68
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,633
I didn't get to it yet.
69
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,802
You ought to be careful.
70
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,004
That crazy psycho
struck again, did you
hear about that?
71
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,239
Good, good.
72
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:26,807
It's so late.
73
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,777
Anyway, you got
eight pounds of
ground chuck
74
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,412
you got 12 pounds
of pork chops,
75
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,846
and you got three
dozen hot dogs.
76
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,549
Whoo, you guys must
really like to barbecue.
77
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:38,018
Well, you know,
meat is an important
food group.
78
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,753
Right, right,
you are what you eat.
79
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:40,921
Here.
80
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,523
Thank you Mrs. P.
See you soon.
81
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:43,957
Bye.
82
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:50,498
[SIGHS]
83
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,002
Dinner again.
84
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,706
How many ways
can I serve raw meat?
85
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,310
I could wrap it around
a stick like a Popsicle.
86
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,778
I could wrap bacon
around it.
87
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,551
Wendy? Wendy.
You're sleeping
on chopped meat.
88
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,453
Hon, where's Eric? Honey?
89
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:13,987
The door was
not locked.
90
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,690
Oh, I just didn't
get to it yet.
91
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,859
Honey, I left
ten hours ago,
where's Eric?
92
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,027
He's in his crib--
93
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,629
He's not!
I just checked.
94
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,331
Oh, no...
95
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:25,333
He's up.
96
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:26,934
I know. He's not
in his crib. I--
97
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,269
No. I mean he's
up... there.
98
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,039
[ERIC GURGLING]
99
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,679
Whoa. Look at that crib!
100
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,849
Would you look at
what he did to my
grandma's swan painting!
101
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:42,916
Get him down.
102
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:46,086
Hello, baby. Dada
brought a surprise
for you.
103
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,088
Yes, he did.
Yes, he did.
104
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,490
Come to Papa.
105
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,424
[ERIC SHOUTING]
106
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:53,527
Ah, that's a good baby,
yeah, come on.
107
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,396
My good baby.
108
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,666
Eric, check this out.
109
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,803
[ERIC GRUNTING]
110
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:10,944
[CHUCKLING] That's my little
linebacker.
111
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,551
It's okay, baby.
112
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,388
Daddy loves you.
113
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,523
Mummy loves you too,
she's just a little tired.
114
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:24,892
You nap now.
115
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,667
[DOOR SHUTS]
116
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,136
You know honey,
I think he's got
your father's nose.
117
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,605
What?
Whoa!
118
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,640
That's not what
I meant.
Oh.
119
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,142
I'm just so nervous
120
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,679
ever since he got
Aunt Darlene's ear.
121
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,981
Now we warned her
about leaning over
the crib that way.
122
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,686
Did he give you
a hard time today, honey?
123
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,755
He did nap.
124
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,125
You know, I've
been thinking.
125
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,060
Maybe Eric would
sleep better if--
126
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,062
if, you know, you
held him more.
127
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,499
You could put him
in one of those
baby slings, you know.
128
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,068
I was reading
about bonding
and uh...
129
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,937
You left that
in the crib.
130
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,171
Oh, it doesn't matter.
131
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,941
The point is, a baby
needs to feel close
to his mother.
132
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,009
He needs to be held
and carried,
133
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,412
that way he feels secure.
134
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:19,880
Now according to
the experts,
135
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,181
a small child needs--
136
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,616
Small but dense.
137
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:28,121
Honey, I know he can
be an armful sometimes--
138
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,090
Louis, I'm just
no good at this.
139
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,761
Maybe I'm not cut out
to be a mother.
140
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,496
No, you're great.
141
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,097
Honey, look what
you're making for him.
142
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,467
That is beautiful.
143
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,869
Hey, we could add
raw egg around the side,
make it look--
144
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,805
I'm just doing it
because I feel guilty.
145
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,807
He makes me
crazy, Louis.
146
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,842
He doesn't sleep
and he gets into things
147
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,445
and he's always fussing
and I never know
what he wants,
148
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,781
and I'm just so tired.
149
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,585
Honey, it's just
all so new.
150
00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,588
It'll get easier
once he starts to talk.
You'll see.
151
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:03,123
You got to see him sleep,
he looks so sweet.
152
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,892
Come on,
take a look.
153
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:10,898
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
154
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:15,969
Where is he?
155
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,605
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
156
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,246
WENDY: What if he got out?
157
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,015
Out of the house?
158
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,483
What if someone sees him?
159
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,751
So what?
160
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,721
The neighbors will see him,
our child, and they'll panic.
161
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,023
And after they panic,
they'll organize.
162
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,926
The PTA will burn
a cross on our lawn.
163
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,529
And then one night,
they'll come for us.
164
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:45,132
wearing Lederhosen
and those little hats
with feathers in them.
165
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,769
Carrying torches and
chanting in German.
166
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,039
And they'll scream
for our baby
and our blood.
167
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,241
And they'll never
invite me over
for coffee or,
168
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,544
or Tupperware parties.
169
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:59,279
We'll have to put
the house on the market
170
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,948
and the market
is flat, Louis,
171
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,683
it's flat, flat--
172
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,184
[SUSHING]
173
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,853
It's okay,
Louis is here.
174
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,088
I know what's wrong.
175
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,624
It's a hormonal thing.
176
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,694
Can you see that,
hormonal thing?
177
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,529
It's called
postpartum depression
178
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,831
and it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
179
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,000
[ERIC GIGGLING]
180
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:21,669
Come on.
181
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,879
Eric!
Come on out, Eric.
182
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,681
There's nothing
wrong with my boy.
He's just--
183
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:36,650
A 36-pound fanged
carnivorous mutant
that's all.
184
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:37,785
A special child.
185
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,053
Oh, try telling that to them
at the birthing center.
186
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,890
That special child
nearly killed two
midwives.
187
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,092
They acted
unprofessionally.
188
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,860
I know it's not
his fault, Louis.
189
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,562
Let's just find him.
190
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,698
Yo-hoo!
191
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:53,133
Wendy, your door
was unlocked.
192
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,202
Babs, this isn't
a good time.
193
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:58,205
Oh, please let me come in, hon.
It'll only take a moment.
194
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:01,341
You've been here a month
and I still haven't seen
that baby.
195
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,977
Where is our little
bundle of joy?
Can I see him?
196
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,880
Maybe later, Babs.
Thanks so much for
coming over though.
197
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,749
That is such
a cute dress.
198
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,618
Well, if it's a bad time...
199
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,221
Eric?
200
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,256
Come on out, baby.
201
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,626
Babs!
202
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,161
Wendy, I completely forgot.
203
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,330
I have a little
something for Eric.
204
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,333
Do you think
he'll like it?
205
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:29,803
Oh, he'll just
eat it up.
206
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,706
WENDY: Thanks.
This is really very
sweet of you, Babs.
207
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,608
BABS: Look, I know
he's sleeping.
208
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,110
But just a peek, please?
209
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,913
I must see that
mystery child.
210
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:42,382
I won't wake him up,
I promise.
211
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,052
Well, okay.
212
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,754
Just let me see
if he's awake.
213
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,724
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
214
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,007
[ERIC GURGLING]
215
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,309
Excuse me?
216
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:10,978
Excuse me.
217
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,959
Oh, look at him.
218
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,762
What a handsome boy.
219
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,964
Is he a good baby?
220
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:34,101
Well, he has his moments.
Like now.
221
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,203
BABS: Oh, my dear.
222
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,271
I think he has
your mouth,
223
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,873
with that little rosebud.
224
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,077
God, are you a rascal.
225
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,079
Quick. We can hide
in the basement.
226
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,885
I'm really sorry I can't turn on
the lights. I just don't
wanna wake him.
227
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:55,322
Oh, I remember, my dear.
It's such a blessing
when they sleep.
228
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,389
Yeah.
229
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,193
Thank you.
I must tell you
230
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,095
what Ms. Bogenta told me.
231
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,296
Come here.
232
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,199
BABS: My God, do be careful.
It's getting out of hand.
233
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,301
Really, Wendy,
you got to be
on your guard
234
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,370
especially now
with the little one.
235
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,139
Louis, did you hear?
236
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,308
The slasher struck
again last night,
three doors down.
237
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,710
The Slathropes.
238
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:17,878
They were away,
thank God,
239
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,213
but the policeman told me
that their furniture looked
240
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,015
like it had been
dusted with a chainsaw.
241
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,017
No one was hurt?
242
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,753
The cat.
243
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,956
They found the body
in the backyard.
They coulddn't even...
244
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,458
Well the vet had
to identify it by
dental records.
245
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,593
That's terrible.
246
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,864
Senseless brutality.
Why do people do
things like that?
247
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,132
I have no idea.
248
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:40,934
Inadequate love.
249
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,569
WENDY: What?
250
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:45,305
All kids need
and deserve love.
That's what the books say.
251
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,975
It's the kids who don't
get it, they grow up
to be these...
252
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,142
serial killers.
253
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,444
Or these morning DJs.
254
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,981
Love is the key.
I believe that.
255
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,382
Now you take
little Eric for example.
256
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:59,119
Louis! Babs, you must excuse us.
257
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,421
You know, I believe
you're right about that.
258
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:05,158
I knew a child like that
who was shunted
from home to home.
259
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,095
Not properly loved.
It was very sad.
260
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,329
What happened to him?
261
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:12,132
Well, now he's a clerk at the
Motor Vehicles Department.
262
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,238
Good night, children.
263
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,840
Babs, why don't I
walk you home?
264
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,074
Oh, thank you Louis.
265
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,409
WENDY: Be careful.
266
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,078
I'll look outside.
I'll look in the locker room.
267
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,016
Nothing.
He's not in
the house.
268
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,384
I'm reporting him missing.
269
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,953
No, wait, honey.
270
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,254
What if it's Eric?
271
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,322
What?
272
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,190
The psycho.
273
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,060
Honey, today wasn't
the first time
I left him alone.
274
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,428
I just get
so tired and...
275
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,463
and you know how
he likes to chew.
276
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,900
Wendy, what do you expect?
He's teething. It's a phase.
277
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,468
He's always teething.
278
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,838
He's three months old
and he's got 37 teeth.
279
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,139
He was born with teeth.
280
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,041
Richard III
was born with teeth
281
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,508
and he was
the king of England.
282
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,510
And a play by
Shakespeare.
283
00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:01,114
Richard III was
a hunchbacked
homicidal maniac king.
284
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,382
What if Eric is the--
285
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:03,817
No, no, no.
That's crazy.
286
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,853
Eric is just a
big overactive kid.
287
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,454
That's all, he never
hurts anything.
288
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,356
Not intentionally.
289
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,426
Wendy, he's just a baby.
290
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,995
So where is he?
291
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,496
[SCRAPING NOISE]
292
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,902
Oh, hi!
293
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:24,104
What's this?
Is this a fur hat?
294
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,238
[ERIC WIMPERS]
295
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,007
Hats don't have tails.
296
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,277
It's an ugly fur hat.
With feet.
297
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,412
And a dog collar.
298
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:36,183
Louis, this is
Mrs. Murkins'
scotty dog.
299
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:40,520
[INDISTINCT TALK]
300
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,998
Did that nasty dog
attack my baby, huh?
301
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,433
All right. He jumped into
Eric's mouth and clamped
302
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,869
Eric's jaw around
his neck.
303
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,504
Why not?
Suiciding dogs.
304
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,206
It's been documented.
305
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,374
Tell that to
the ASPCA.
306
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,944
You don't have to
spell it out, honey.
He can't understand.
307
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,013
Louis, last night
while Eric was out,
308
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,449
somebody or something
destroyed the Coomers.
309
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:12,119
The family, the lawn
furniture, the myna bird.
310
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,987
Someone had
to shut that
bird up.
311
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,188
Louis!
What?
312
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,890
It was Eric.
313
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,391
No. My baby
would never--
314
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,359
Louis, face it.
315
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,161
Last night, when Babs
and I were in here,
316
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,963
cooing over a leaky
Lisa doll,
317
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,998
Eric was out shredding
the Coomers.
318
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,666
Then he picked up
Mrs. Murkins' dog,
319
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,501
ripped off its head
and dragged it home.
320
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,238
So why can't you
love him back?
321
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:33,740
What?
322
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:36,643
It was an offering
to you, Wendy.
Can't you understand?
323
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,378
He's asking you
for your love.
324
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,680
I do love him.
325
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,215
I'm the one that
wanted a baby.
326
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,650
You wanted a sports car.
327
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,686
Okay, so here.
You take him.
328
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,388
Now, what're you
gonna do with him?
329
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,623
[ERIC WHIMPERING]
330
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,359
You see? You see?
331
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,327
I don't want him
to hear us arguing.
332
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,428
Go to sleep!
333
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:56,930
[ERIC WAILING]
334
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:00,934
Louis, I do love him.
335
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,236
I try.
336
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,005
But you know,
sometimes I think...
337
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,274
well, what if he's
not our baby?
338
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,541
This is the
hormones talking.
339
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,077
Birthing centers
make mistakes.
340
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,545
Maybe it was
a mistake.
341
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,248
Sally Tankwoods delivered
that same night, remember?
342
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,150
What if she switched
the babies?
343
00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:19,052
She has beady eyes
and pointy teeth.
344
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,188
That's it. You know,
if it's not my baby...
345
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,255
I don't have
to love it.
346
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:23,523
I won't listen
to this.
347
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:24,657
Face it, Louis.
348
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,493
He doesn't
look like us.
349
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,195
He's a Tankwoods.
350
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,563
Untrue. He looks
just like your dad.
351
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,165
Ah, don't say that.
352
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,433
I'm going outside.
353
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,702
Don't leave me with him.
I need some fresh air.
354
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,170
You're never here
all day long--
355
00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:38,605
I work.
356
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,440
Great excuse.
357
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,142
Well, go ahead, escape.
358
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,444
Just don't come home
without any meat.
359
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,678
Who says I'm coming home?
360
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:54,687
You like to eat,
don't you?
361
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,024
I'll feed you, Eric.
362
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,459
You don't have to
go marauding through
the neighborhood.
363
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,695
I wish I knew what
you were thinking.
364
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,464
Are you thinking?
365
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:05,698
Do you even know
who I am?
366
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,100
[ERIC MUMBLING]
367
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:08,468
I wish you could talk.
368
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,070
It might make things
a lot easier.
369
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,605
[ERIC MUNCHING]
370
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,706
Give Eric, give.
371
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,711
Eric, if you're just
gonna play,
372
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,347
you're not really hungry.
373
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,481
Time for bed.
374
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,219
[WENDY GRUNTING]
375
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,622
[ERIC CRYING]
376
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,691
Eric, don't cry.
377
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:35,395
I fed you, I washed you,
I changed you.
378
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,397
I'm sorry. I just can't
do anymore.
379
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,599
Go to sleep.
380
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,271
[ERIC WAILING LOUDLY]
381
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,373
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
382
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,150
Louis?
383
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:11,164
Eric.
384
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,400
Hi, Mrs. Prozak.
385
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,636
You left your door
open again.
386
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,572
Teddy! What
are you doing here?
387
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,208
I saw your husband
leaving early.
388
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,510
Do you have any pets?
389
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:25,745
I like pets.
390
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,514
I don't know what
you're talking about.
391
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,717
I'm here to work,
Mrs. Prozak.
392
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,422
I'm the guy, Mrs. P. It's me.
393
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,856
The Coomers,
the Slathropes.
394
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,158
I'm the one.
395
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:41,161
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
396
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,297
[ERIC WHIMPERING]
397
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,399
I'll admit they were
a mistake.
398
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,800
But I'm learning.
399
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,237
I mean they were
good practice,
but they weren't...
400
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,273
Sexy.
401
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,407
I mean, take
the Coomers.
402
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,642
You knock off some
50-year-old guy
403
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,277
with big fat gut,
who cares?
404
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,778
You are buried
in the back page.
405
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,116
You know what I need?
Hot victims.
406
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,385
Because hot victims
make hot press.
407
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,753
You want the press
to jump,
408
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,322
you got to do like
movie star,
409
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,124
or prom queen.
410
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,625
At least somebody
that works out.
411
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,361
But I'm not
a movie star, Teddy.
412
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:17,397
I'm all out of shape,
I really let myself go.
413
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,866
But you're a young mother,
it's the best.
414
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:24,471
Nothing warms the heart
of the general public more
than a baby with its mother.
415
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,273
It's built into
the species.
416
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:27,607
It's a survival thing.
417
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,210
Yeah.
418
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:32,845
You and your baby Mrs. P.
419
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,115
You're my ticket
to the show.
420
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,319
[ERIC WHIMPERING]
421
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,255
It's nothing personal.
It's strictly demographics.
422
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,826
I like you.
423
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,661
I always thought
I could talk to you.
424
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:50,263
You can talk
to me now, Teddy.
425
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,799
I can listen,
I got lots of time.
426
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,367
I know what
you're trying to do.
427
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:55,702
I don't have
time right now.
428
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,337
I got to cut you
and the kid up.
429
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,672
Why? Why're doing this?
430
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:01,774
TEDDY: My whole life,
nobody ever
cared about me.
431
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,142
Now they care.
432
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,479
Now they care.
433
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,815
Plus, I just don't want
to deliver meat
the rest of my life.
434
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:11,551
[WHIMPERS] Please.
435
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:13,820
Don't worry, Mrs. P.
436
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,456
I'll do it good.
437
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,890
This is a major
statement for me.
438
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,759
My manifesto.
439
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,594
Oh, what do you think
of this name?
440
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,631
The Silver Slicer.
441
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,801
What is that?
A kitchen gadget?
442
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,671
No! No, it's me. My name.
443
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,273
My tag, my MO.
444
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,775
Who else is here?
445
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,277
Nobody.
446
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,712
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
447
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,750
[ERIC GROWLING]
448
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:50,257
[TEDDY SCREAMING]
449
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,592
Get off me!
Get off me!
450
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,764
Get off me!
451
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,866
[SCREAMING]
452
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,803
[ERIC MUMBLING]
453
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:06,506
Eric. Oh.
454
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,476
What a good boy.
455
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,844
Mummy loves you.
456
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:18,618
Wendy. Honey,
are you all right?
457
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,720
We're fine.
458
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,256
You're holding him.
459
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,325
What happened?
460
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:26,693
I'll tell you
about it later.
461
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:29,329
Welcome home, Louis.
462
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,664
I love you.
463
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,666
I love you, Wendy.
I love you both.
464
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:36,703
Oh, look, honey.
465
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,938
He's sleeping.
466
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,880
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
31696
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