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1
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,400
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:10,710
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
3
00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:13,280
[FATHER SIGHS]
4
00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:15,540
[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]
5
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:16,850
[UTENSILS CLATTERING]
6
00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:19,820
Honey, it's family hour,
7
00:00:19,850 --> 00:00:21,450
there must be something on.
8
00:00:26,290 --> 00:00:29,230
DAUGHTER:
Oh, wow, Candied Critters!
9
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,700
[FATHER EXCLAIMS]
10
00:00:33,730 --> 00:00:36,270
Oh, Great. It's Monsters,
our favorite show!
11
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,470
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
12
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:38,530
Shh. It's starting.
13
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:43,770
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
14
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,410
[FATHER CHUCKLES]
15
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:52,550
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
16
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:02,730
I love you, Nash.
17
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:05,230
You really do?
18
00:01:05,260 --> 00:01:06,460
Hmm?
19
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,370
Being married and all...
20
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,770
I can't believe it's real.
21
00:01:15,970 --> 00:01:17,570
Here we are.
22
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,710
This is so exciting!
23
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:22,480
New York sure is different
from Lubbock.
24
00:01:22,510 --> 00:01:24,650
* Basement floor
25
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,620
* Kitchenware appliances
26
00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:29,490
* Honeymooners
27
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,620
Okay, now, come on,
no peeking.
28
00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:44,700
Oh.
29
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,670
Well,
it's pretty nice, huh?
30
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,700
Yeah, I gotta give
that travel agent credit.
31
00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:51,340
He gave it his best shot.
I'll give him that.
32
00:01:51,370 --> 00:01:54,640
Your average guy
would have gone for the first
honeymoon suite on the list,
33
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,910
not New York,
little from the airport,
34
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,550
$1,000 bare minimum.
35
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:03,550
No city boy's gonna
jerk my chain, no siree.
36
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:06,590
Turns out,
he's got a friend
37
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:11,630
who just so happens to have
a factory that he is turning
into a honeymoon resort.
38
00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:14,630
A factory?
It did seem a little
off the beaten path.
39
00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:18,930
Right now,
they only got this one suite
all fixed up.
40
00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:21,540
It's what they call
a showroom demo.
41
00:02:21,570 --> 00:02:23,310
Only in the basement?
42
00:02:23,340 --> 00:02:24,910
Well, that is
the beauty of it.
43
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:30,950
You see, it's just you,
me, and Mr. Happy.
44
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,780
Looks like
I left someone out.
45
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:37,320
[SQUISHING]
46
00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:38,520
I hate bugs.
47
00:02:38,550 --> 00:02:40,860
No need to worry, sugar,
I'm here for you.
48
00:02:40,890 --> 00:02:42,560
Well, look at this.
49
00:02:43,890 --> 00:02:45,290
They left that here
for us?
50
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:49,670
Darling, you don't get to be
top south-west regional
tractor salesman
51
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,030
without knowing
a little something about
wheeling and dealing.
52
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:55,500
This here,
is your basic fringe benefit.
53
00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:57,770
Yeah, but can we stay here?
54
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,880
Trust me,
you haven't seen
nothing yet.
55
00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:03,410
Now here,
take my coat,
take my hat,
56
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,980
and I'm gonna
take care of the buggy.
57
00:03:06,110 --> 00:03:07,320
I don't know.
58
00:03:07,350 --> 00:03:10,390
It just seems
a little rundown
for a honeymoon resort.
59
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:11,990
It's atmosphere, Sugar.
60
00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:13,460
This is the Big Apple.
61
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:15,720
This is high society,
life in the fast lane.
62
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,760
Tell you, these local
sophisticated types
63
00:03:17,790 --> 00:03:19,760
will pay top dollar
for something like this.
64
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:23,800
[GASPING]
65
00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:25,030
There's clothes in here.
66
00:03:25,930 --> 00:03:27,500
Well, yeah,
it's a closet.
67
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,700
[POPS]
We can't...
68
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:30,510
We're in the wrong room.
69
00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,310
Look, couple before us
just must have left it.
70
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,080
All these clothes?
71
00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:38,450
I mean, look,
there's two wedding gowns.
72
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,250
Well, I told you that.
73
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,920
I told you, folks here do
things here different
than back home.
74
00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:47,720
Come on,
just put this stuff in.
Come on, come on. Let's go.
75
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:52,730
Now, look, you and I
are in New York
for only one night.
76
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,030
Tomorrow we're
going to London.
77
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:58,530
So, what do you say
we just relax?
78
00:03:58,570 --> 00:04:01,600
Let's see if
this honeymoon stuff's
all it's cracked up to be.
79
00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:03,870
[GROANS] Oh...
80
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,370
What?
What's the matter?
81
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,780
You're gonna laugh.
No, I won't. What?
82
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,710
I don't know.
83
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,950
Ever since
I was a little girl,
84
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:17,090
I've always dreamed
of spending
my wedding night
85
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,360
in a big, pink,
pillowy silk bed...
86
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,730
shaped like a swan.
87
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,960
I'm not laughing, Sugar.
88
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,100
Hey, who knows...
89
00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:33,540
I paid the man
for a honeymoon suite,
90
00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:35,000
let's see if you
got your dream.
91
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,080
Let me tell you
something, Sugar.
92
00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:44,980
This is gonna be a night
we won't soon forget.
93
00:04:57,690 --> 00:05:00,430
Well, honey bunch,
what do you think?
94
00:05:03,030 --> 00:05:04,730
I... I don't see any bed.
95
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:08,870
This looks like a web.
96
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:11,840
Boy, these New Yorkers,
I swear!
97
00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:13,540
It's a hammock.
98
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:16,080
I ain't never seen
a wall to wall
hammock before.
99
00:05:17,710 --> 00:05:19,680
Is that another elevator?
100
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,650
In the bedroom?
I told you,
this used to be a factory.
101
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,420
Probably a loading dock
or something.
102
00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:27,190
Nash!
103
00:05:27,220 --> 00:05:30,190
Whoo hoo!
Whoo hoo hoo!
104
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:33,700
Whoo! This is more fun
than getting frisky
on a dang water-bed.
105
00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:35,630
Whoo!
106
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:36,700
Hoo!
107
00:05:40,770 --> 00:05:42,840
Hey!
What's the matter?
108
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,010
I'm stuck.
109
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,580
"Stuck"?
How can you be stuck?
110
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:50,110
Well, if I knew
how I was stuck,
111
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,910
I would get
myself un-stuck.
112
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,880
[GROANING]
113
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,620
Nash, I really think
we should get out of here.
114
00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:03,590
NASH: We are not
going anywhere.
115
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,270
Honey, are you okay?
116
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,670
Yeah, no problem.
117
00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:23,010
I tell you,
I don't mind a challenge.
118
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,480
All I got to do is...
[STRAINING]
119
00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,180
Silk.
120
00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,450
Huh?
121
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,390
The web... silk.
122
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:39,090
So what?
It's an expensive hammock.
123
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:41,660
They make parachutes
out of silk.
Why not a hammock?
124
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:45,330
Nash, maybe you ought to
climb up off of there
any way, okay?
125
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:48,070
Well, sure.
Ain't no problem.
126
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,640
Piece of cake.
Ow!
127
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,170
[GRUNTS]
128
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,280
Ow!
129
00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:00,650
No problem,
no problem.
130
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,450
I just, uh...
131
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,050
I just gotta get out of
these clothes is all.
132
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,550
Pay attention now,
sweetheart, all right?
133
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:11,390
I'm just gonna make
a Houdini escape.
134
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:15,000
A straitjacket escape.
135
00:07:15,330 --> 00:07:17,630
[GROANING]
136
00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:20,530
Right before your
little pretty eyes.
137
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,270
[GRUNTING]
138
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,540
I'll just get this boot off.
[STRAINS]
139
00:07:25,470 --> 00:07:27,970
There it goes...
140
00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:30,010
Well, maybe it's
like quicksand, you know?
141
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,450
Maybe you should not
squirm so much.
142
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,650
"Squirm"?
I don't squirm.
143
00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:37,580
I struggle.
144
00:07:44,620 --> 00:07:46,730
Ah! [PANTING]
145
00:07:47,590 --> 00:07:49,700
Mm! Ah!
146
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,430
Must be jet lag.
147
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:52,630
I'll go get some help.
148
00:07:52,670 --> 00:07:54,700
Right,
ask the exterminator
149
00:07:54,730 --> 00:07:57,440
what he's got
for a giant spider.
150
00:08:19,430 --> 00:08:21,990
Nash... the door.
151
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:25,070
It's locked.
"Locked"?
152
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,600
What do you mean locked?
I mean it's locked.
153
00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:29,440
We're trapped.
154
00:08:29,470 --> 00:08:33,670
Portia...
Portia, we are not trapped.
155
00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:36,480
Okay?
Now I am just a little...
156
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,280
detained here, is all.
157
00:08:40,310 --> 00:08:42,520
Was there a phone?
158
00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:43,680
There's got to be a phone.
159
00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:54,130
It's dead.
160
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,130
Don't say "dead", okay?
161
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,430
Oh, my God.
162
00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:02,840
Portia, I was just kidding.
163
00:09:02,870 --> 00:09:07,710
We are getting all upset
over something
that is just plain ridiculous.
164
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:11,140
There's no big spider,
and this isn't a big web.
165
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:12,250
Plain and simple.
166
00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:14,410
What is it, then?
167
00:09:16,150 --> 00:09:18,180
Hell, I don't know!
168
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:22,420
Some fancy love hammock,
169
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,160
or something that they thought
would appeal to newlyweds.
170
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,190
What strands
are you stuck to?
171
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:29,600
The long ones that
go to the center,
or the cross-webbing?
172
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,730
These long ones
seem to be okay...
173
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:36,370
these little side to side guys
seem to have the glue on.
174
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,140
Then it is a web!
175
00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:39,740
Oh, now,
you don't really
believe a spider...
176
00:09:39,770 --> 00:09:43,240
One of my third graders
handed in a report
on spiders a while ago.
177
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,380
He even did
the drawings of webs.
178
00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,880
The cross-webbing
is the sticky part.
179
00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:52,290
The spiders use the long
strands to walk on,
180
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,350
so they won't get
stuck themselves!
181
00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:56,760
Would you just
listen to yourself!
182
00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,690
I mean,
for a spider to make
something this big,
183
00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:02,160
it'd have to be
the size of a Volkswagen!
184
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,330
Now have you
ever seen a spider...
185
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,230
I've never seen
a web this big either.
186
00:10:09,270 --> 00:10:10,770
[STRAINING]
187
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:15,880
Well, then how come
old daddy long-legs
188
00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:18,640
isn't down here having me
for a midnight snack?
189
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:24,280
'Cause I think he...
I think he's waiting...
190
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:25,620
for me to
get in there, too.
191
00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:30,290
Okay...
192
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,360
Ready or not,
here I go!
193
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,430
[GRUNTING]
194
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:38,900
[GROANING]
195
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,270
Help, somebody, help!
196
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:45,840
Help!
197
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,180
I'm open to...
198
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:54,480
suggestions here.
199
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:02,460
Cut it.
We need something
to cut it with.
200
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:03,890
"We"?
201
00:11:06,930 --> 00:11:10,460
This is one hell of a way
to run a resort!
202
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,370
What are we gonna do?
203
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,830
Portia, don't panic.
204
00:11:14,730 --> 00:11:16,740
Okay, now...
205
00:11:16,770 --> 00:11:19,640
It's just...
It's just like...
206
00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:22,410
The bottle!
Nash, the broken glass.
207
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,610
The bottle, right.
Right, I knew that.
208
00:11:25,650 --> 00:11:27,850
Above your head,
behind you.
209
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,880
Wait a minute,
there are shoes
all over the place.
210
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,920
There's somebody's
car keys. There's...
211
00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:35,560
There's stuff everywhere.
212
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:37,660
Nash, the glass.
Yeah.
213
00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:39,330
Okay, okay,
I'm looking.
214
00:11:40,390 --> 00:11:41,530
Can you get it?
215
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,330
[WHISPERS] Can I get it?
216
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:50,900
What was that?
217
00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:52,770
[DRESS UNZIPPING]
Portia, what are you doing?
218
00:11:53,770 --> 00:11:55,380
I'm coming out
to help you.
219
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:56,780
The hell you are!
220
00:11:56,810 --> 00:11:59,450
I will get us
out of here.
221
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,780
I just...
Just need a minute to think!
222
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:05,450
Honey, we don't
have a minute.
223
00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:08,790
I'll tell you one thing...
224
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:11,320
When we get back
from London,
225
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:15,460
I am going to
find that travel agent,
and I am gonna tell him
226
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,900
what a screwy place
he's...
227
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:21,570
Nash, that travel agent
is the one
who put us here!
228
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,970
Picked us up
from the airport
in a private limousine,
229
00:12:26,010 --> 00:12:29,880
clothes left in the closet,
car keys, wallets!
230
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:34,980
Nash, people who come here
don't leave.
231
00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:38,680
I guess you get
what you pay for.
232
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,020
Like my daddy used to say,
233
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:46,390
"If it looks too good
to be true,
it probably is."
234
00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:50,360
Okay, honey,
stay very still.
235
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,400
Please... Okay?
236
00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:58,270
Be careful now, hon.
237
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,840
Just be cool now, darling.
Stay cool.
238
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:08,080
Nothing to be afraid of.
Our imaginations are getting
the best of us here.
239
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:11,580
I mean, how do you think
a spider got to be
a giant spider?
240
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:12,790
Think about that.
241
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,690
[DEEP RUMBLING]
242
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,330
[WHISPERING]
Don't even breathe.
243
00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:24,560
[RUMBLING CONTINUES]
244
00:13:34,190 --> 00:13:35,380
[LOUD CLANG]
245
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,680
Portia?
246
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:37,950
Stay still, honey,
I'm coming.
247
00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:44,830
Hey!
Hey, we're down here!
248
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:45,960
Nash!
249
00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:50,330
NASH:
What you doing, sugar?
250
00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:53,370
Got the glass?
251
00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:57,200
[GRUNTS]
It's too far.
252
00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:02,010
Stay still.
253
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:04,850
That wasn't me.
254
00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:19,760
Let go!
255
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,710
Nash, try to think
of something else.
256
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:36,140
I can...
Yeah, sure.
257
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:40,150
I'm... thinking...
thinking about my car.
258
00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:43,050
My T-bird.
259
00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:45,120
I'm thinking about me...
260
00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:53,230
[WHISPERING] Earl...
261
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,230
[SHOUTING] Earl!
Nash!
262
00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:59,030
Wait... listen...
263
00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:01,970
There's no giant spider...
Why...
264
00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:05,370
[SHOUTING]
You guys really got me!
265
00:15:05,390 --> 00:15:06,470
Earl?
266
00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:09,410
You guys really got me, Earl!
267
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:11,040
Bobby, is that you, too?
268
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:12,950
Nash...
269
00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:31,730
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
270
00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:40,870
[PORTIA GASPING]
271
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:43,810
[STRAINING]
272
00:16:19,590 --> 00:16:21,350
[PORTIA SCREAMING]
273
00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:25,250
What?
274
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:40,930
[SCREAMING] No!
275
00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:52,050
[SCREAMING]
276
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,580
Nash, let go.
277
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,950
I have to get it.
I have to get the glass.
278
00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:01,490
[PORTIA SCREAMING]
279
00:17:05,910 --> 00:17:07,190
[SCREAMING] No!
280
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:17,100
[SCREAMING]
281
00:17:24,930 --> 00:17:26,210
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
282
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:33,050
[WHIRRING]
283
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,170
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
284
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:03,880
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
285
00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:28,040
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
286
00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:53,530
[GROANING]
287
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,550
[SCREAMING]
288
00:19:24,010 --> 00:19:25,300
[SCREAMING] No!
289
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,360
All right.
You want me?
290
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,040
[SCREAMING]
291
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,320
[PORTIA PANTING]
292
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:31,330
If it looks
too good to be true...
293
00:20:39,850 --> 00:20:41,570
[ELEVATOR CLATTERING]
294
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,350
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
20030
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