All language subtitles for Hokus Pokus Kosteskaft

Thank you.

say, sir. It's set on the wireless to
print out the signpost in case the Nazis

drop in. I'm not a Nazi. I'm a British
officer.

That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi,
isn't it, sir?

Drive on, Corporal.

Sorry to give you so many, but you do
have six bedrooms. Oh, no trouble, my

dear. Anything to get the poor things
away from those terrible bombings in

London. Come along, love.

Here, let's go.

Hey, what about us?

Oh, yes, what is your name, please?

Rawlings, ma 'am.

Rawlings? Rawlings.

Oh, yes, here we are.

Carrie, Charles, Paul.

Oh, you're for Miss Price. I'm expecting
her in.

I won't be a moment.

Please, don't touch anything.

Here to check military preparations in
the area.

Tell them Pepperidgeye has matters well
in hand. But nevertheless, I... What on

earth is that?

Good morning, General. I received your
message, Mrs. Hobday. I assume that my

parcel has arrived.

It's in the office.

Ah, lovely.

Who is that?

Miss Price, splendid woman.

Her late father served with me at Beamie
Ridge.

What's she burning this thing? It smells
a bit like sulphur. Ridiculous.

One can't make motor fuel out of
sulphur. Here we are.

Another object from Professor Amelius
Brown in London.

Thank you.

Is it what you expected?

I imagine so.

Professor Brown sent you a cat last
time, did he not? Yes.

Professor Brown as well?

I haven't the faintest idea.

Are we to have the... pleasure of
meeting him.

I very much doubt it. I don't know
Professor Brown personally.

Was there something else? As a matter of
fact, there is. Would you come this

way, Miss Price? Well, I'm very anxious
to get home, you know. Come along,

please.

Children,

this is Miss Price.

Carrie Charles and Paul Rawlins, all the
way from London.

How do you do? How are you, Miss?

The government are trying to evacuate.
as many children as possible into the

country. Very sensible of her. Today
they sent us 45, and I've had to find

for all of them at very short notice.

These are the last three.

All right, children, pick up your
things.

You're not suggesting that I should take
these children into my house?

Exactly. Oh, I'm sorry, but that's quite
out of the question.

Children and I don't get on.

I believe you, Miss.

Be quiet.

Besides, I have work to do. Very
important. But, Miss Rice, you do have

entire house to yourself.

And according to the order of the
Ministry of Civil Defense, you have no

I see.

Very well, if that is the case, I shall
take them into my house with the

understanding that you find a more
suitable home as soon as possible.

Fine. Come along.

Morning, Miss Price.

There they are. Oh, Miss Price, what a
charitable thing you are doing, taking

these poor unfortunates from the city.

Oh, this very carefully. I wonder, Miss
Price, if I may drop by later this

afternoon? Why?

Ah, well, we have their spiritual needs
to consider now, do we not?

That won't be necessary. They won't be
with me for long.

Bring your things inside.

Bit murky, ain't it? Yeah.

him, that's all.

Yeah, scared to death.

You can see that.

What do you call your cat?

I don't believe in giving animals
ridiculous names. I call him Cosmic

because that's the name he came with.

You will sleep in here.

This was my father's bedroom and I want
you to be very careful of everything in

it. You boys take the bed there.

All right, miss.

What was your name? It's Carrie, miss.

Carrie, you sleep on the sofa in there.

Thank you, miss.

Is that all you brought?

We ain't... exactly burn down with
frillies.

Travel light.

That's us.

Well, I don't think this arrangement is
going to work, but it seems that I have

no alternative.

We do our best, miss. Really, we will.

Thank you, Carrie. The bathroom is along
the landing.

Supper is at six.

You will wash thoroughly.

Wash? You will wash yourselves,
otherwise there will be no supper. Is

clear?

A house of horror. That's what we've
come to.

I'm getting close.

Please don't bother to whisper. I'm
exceptionally keen of hearing.

You are planning to run back to London?

If you have any more plotting to do,
please do it elsewhere where I shan't

to listen to it.

I'm afraid I don't know much about what
children eat. You'll have to make do as

I do.

Is there anything particular that you
fancy?

Sausage and mash?

Bubble and squeak?

Toad in the hole?

Fried fish?

Oh, anything at all.

I'm afraid you won't find any fried
foods in this house.

No fried food?

No. How do you keep your health?

Cabbage buds, rose hips, glissop seed,
elm bark, wortel yeast and stewed

nettles.

Dear madam, with this shipment, the
Amelius Brown Correspondence College of

Witchcraft sends you its heartiest
congratulations on qualifying for the

degree of your chosen calling. You may
now call yourself Apprentice Witch.

Yours faithfully, Amelius Brown.

My first broom.

Let's see how we fly this thing.

Here we are.

Clasp the broom with both hands.

Yes, of course.

No,

never astride the broom.

Yes, of course. Technically, a witch is
always a lady, except when circumstances

dictate otherwise.

Take an easy, graceful sideways
position.

Of course, that's much better.

An easy, graceful, sideways position.

There we are.

How's that?

Now, to start up the broom, your basic
formula, Lucky Pony Criff's Crumpet

Leash.

I wasn't ready.

Lucky Pony Criff's Crumpet Leash.

Now watch this.

Here we go.

It's going to be a little different.

ladylike. Lucky pony, crypts, crumpet,
leech.

That's the sort of thing witches do. Oh.

Lovely weather for flying last night.

Why did you say that, Charles?

Game's up, Miss Price.

We know what you are.

I see.

Don't worry, Miss Price.

No one's going to peach on you.

Thank you. I should be most grateful if
you didn't tell anyone in the village.

Of course.

changes made around here.

I mean, I'd like to see an occasional
sausage on the table here. A bit of

strawberry jam.

Charlie, let me handle this.

And another thing, Miss Price, there'll
be no more of this wash, wash, wash,

morning and night.

Anything else?

Now you mention it, I could do with a
bit of lolly.

Lolly?

information the most accomplished of
witches can't make money out of thin

Have you ever heard of a rich witch?

Be that as it may, you don't want us to
blab, do you?

Have you considered what danger you
might be in?

I am a witch, you know.

What will you do?

Turn me into a toad?

Lovely, a toad with pink eyes.

I might just do that.

Go on then, I'll dare you.

Very well, Charles.

You shouldn't have said that to her. She
don't frighten me. She can't even ride

a proper broom.

Excuse me, Charles.

Filigree.

Apogee.

Pedigree.

Perrogee.

Oh, Charlie!

That's better than a toad. That's a
rabbit.

Mother, I never seem to be able to
manage toads.

That is what you know.

not being able to manage a broom, I
can't perform a simple basic spell.

You dare dare to do it?

I don't see why we can't all be friends.

Maybe she's not a wicked witch.

Of course I'm not.

Say? If only I could trust you. You see,
the work I'm doing is so important to

the war effort.

How do you mean?

I mean exceptionally important.

Most secret.

What do you say, Charlie? We can keep a
secret.

Yeah. If someone made it worth our
while.

I don't follow.

Simple. You'd give us something valuable
to seal the pact.

Oh, Charlie, don't try to be clever
again.

It's for our own protection, ain't it?
If we broke the pact, we'd have to give

back the valuable object.

I think it's an excellent idea.

I wonder what I could give you.

Would you settle for one of my spells?

Bet that's not worth much.

Come with me.

You touch in here.

Run sort of plays, ain't it?

When I signed for my witchcraft course,
there was a free bonus, a certain

marvellous travelling spell, if you pay
promptly in advance.

I think I'll give you that one.

Is it valuable?

Certainly.

Poison dragon's liver?

Poison dragon liver.

You mean you poison the dragon?

It's part of the school equipment.

Ah, here we are. The travelling spell.

All right, everybody, gather round.

All right, now, let's see. Does any one
of you have a bracelet or a ring or

something that you can twist?

No, Miss Price.

What about you, Paul?

Always carry a few things around with
me.

Never know when they might come in
useful.

Piece of blue glass.

Lovely bit of string.

That will be all right.

Carrie, turn the light down a little
bit, will you?

Elbow, henbane, aconite.

Glue and fire, firefly light.

There.

Isn't that... Pretty.

Is that all we get?

This knob will now work the famous
travelling spell.

And what's the famous travelling spell?

How does it work?

Well, you take this knob and put it back
on the bed upstairs. Then turn it

smartly a quarter turn to the left.
Then, in a firm, clear voice, tell it

you want to go, and the bed will take
you there.

Go on.

Miss Price, will it really?

Well, I see no reason to think
otherwise.

Oh, thank you for the lovely gift.

Oh, I'm sorry, but it does belong to
Paul. He's the only one who can work the

spell. Me?

Yes. Yes, I might want it.

That's the way the spell works.

Nice mess he'll make of things.

Oh, bother.

You children run upstairs.

But mind you, don't try anything with
the bed knob till I get back.

Dear madam, it grieves me to inform you
that due to the war, we have been forced

to close down our College of Witchcraft.

This means that we shall not be sending
you to the final lesson in which you

expressed so much interest.

We were wondering what was keeping you.

I've had some very bad news.

Is there anything we can do?

No, no thank you.

Yes.

Yes, there is something that Paul can
do.

Me? Paul, I need the bedknot back. I
must get to London immediately.

No, I want to go to the jungle.

Come with me, Paul.

Now, Paul, ridiculous as it may seem to
have to explain this to a six -year -old

child, but I do need your help.

Go ahead.

I was expecting a very important spell
in the mail from my teacher, Professor

Emilius Brown, and it hasn't come.

What's that got to do with my knock?

I must go to London immediately and see
Professor Brown.

With his help, we may be able to bring
this war to a successful end.

That is why I need the knock.

What is your decision?

I brought this for your hair, Carrie. It
may be windy. Thank you. Oh, it's ever

so nice.

Paul, have you been to the bathroom?

Twice. Good.

Charles, you'd better put on something
warmer.

The bed may travel quite fast.

I'm not going.

I'm staying right here.

But why, Charlie?

All that rubbish about a travelling bed.
It won't work.

That's why.

Carrie, help me to pull the bed out.

We don't want to scratch the wall when
we take off, do we?

Now, how's a ruddy big bed like that
going to get out of this room with those

little windows?

I don't know, Charles.

There's a great many things about magic
that I don't know. We'll just have to

find out.

Lovely. Just so you leave me out of it.
I don't fancy making a fool of myself.

What's come over you lately, Charlie?

You're no fun anymore.

Help me to tidy up the bed, Carrie. We
don't want to go to London with an

bed. How old is Charles?

Eleven, going on twelve.

I see. That's what my father used to
call the age of not believing.

What's that supposed to be?

When you rush around in hopeless
circles.

Searching everywhere for something true.

You're at the age of not believing.

When all the make -believe is through.
That's Charlie to a T.

When you set aside your childhood
heroes.

And your dreams are lost upon a shelf.

You're at the age of not believing.

And worst of all, you doubt yourself.

Throw that into the wastebasket.

You're a castaway where no one hears
you.

On a barren isle in a lonely sea.

What's that supposed to be? Poetry?
Where did all the happy endings go?

Where can all the good...

You must face the age of not believing,
doubting everything you

ever knew.

The novel?

Until at last you start believing
there's something wonderful

in you.

Lovely sentiment, I'm sure.

Are you ready, Paul? Yes, Miss Price.

Repeat after me.

Take us to Professor...

Amelius Brown.

Take us to Professor Amelius Brown.

Very good.

Headmaster, Correspondence College of
Witchcraft.

Headmaster, Correspondence College of
Witchcraft,

London. Of Witchcraft, London.

Now, when I say go, tap the knob three
times.

And turn it a quarter turn to the left.

Left. That's it.

Now we'd better hold on tight.

The behaviour of the bed is something
I'm not quite sure of.

It'll let me breathe a little.

All right, Paul.

Ready?

Go.

One.

Of course it is. Can't you tell that
lovely sooty hair?

Marvelous, ain't it? Well, Charles, are
you convinced by now?

Not yet, I ain't. I don't see no
Professor Brown.

Neither do I, in point of fact. You
children look after the bed while I make

inquiries for Mr. Brown.

I told you this flaming bed wouldn't
work. Oh, Charlie, don't start that

It didn't work proper. This bed was
supposed to take us to Professor Brown.

what they seem to be.

Is that not so, madam?

That ain't the kind of professor I
expected.

I'm not sure it's the kind of professor
Miss Price expected either.

What effect?

A little smokies.

With a dash of hocus -pocus and the
scent of burning... and the scent of

sulfur in the air.

He ain't very good, even if he is a
professor.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. No,
ladies, please don't go.

Don't leave now.

And regret lost opportunities later.

You, young sir, would you care to warble
like the storied nightingale with this

inexpensive device? You can charm the
very birds down from the trees, like so.

For you, sir, one penny.

One copper coin of the realm.

Harry, I'm very surprised at you
wandering off like this. We found him

miss. We found Professor Brown.

Don't work. I've been cheated.

Is that Professor Brown?

It is indeed, my dear.

How may I serve you? Would you be
interested in the mating call of the

Maturkin bird, known as the bird of
love?

Very useful, eh?

You are the headmaster of the Amelius
Brown Correspondence College of

Witchcraft? The late headmaster. The
college, alas, is now defunct.

Professor Brown, I am one of your
pupils.

My dear lady, you are indeed an ornament
to the college.

Splendid. Not at all.

I was shocked and dismayed when you
closed down the college without that

important last lesson. I'm sorry, my
dear. No refunds. Look at your contract.

But I must have the spell that comes
with a last lesson.

The matter is closed. I bid you good
day.

I have an appointment to my club for
squash rackets. The matter is not

Don't let him get away.

Ryder!

Apogee, pedigree, pedigree.

Now I trust you'll behave more like a

gentleman. Look out!

Well, there goes another rabbit.

What was all that about? I changed you
into a rabbit with one of your own

spells.

My spell?

From my school?

Not one of your best spells, in point of
fact. It doesn't last very long. Some

of your others are much better.

But I don't understand.

My spell?

They were just nonsense words that I got
out of an old book. Well, they were

perfectly well for me.

They work for you?

Good woman!

Some kind of destiny has brought us
together.

You got the words for these spells out
of some old book, you say?

Well, more or less. I changed them round
a bit. I gave them a bit of my own

style, as it were. The old sorcerers did
have a bit of a tendency to waffle on,

but, dear lady, I never thought I'd meet
somebody like you.

What a treasure.

Mr. Brown, will you please stick to the
point? I would like to see this book

immediately. Certainly.

It's at my new townhouse.

Would you care to join me for luncheon?
We can discuss my ideas at the same

time. Thank you. We'd be delighted.

We shall all go together.

On the bed? On the bed, Paul.

You go round the other side. I always
travel on the left.

Will you give the address to Paul,
please?

May I ask how we are going to get there
on this bed?

Fly? My dear Professor Brown, with your
own travelling spell, the one you gave

with the courses, a bonus.

My travelling spell?

That works as well.

Just give the address, please.

8 Winchfield Road.

Please take us to 8 Winchfield Road.

Madam, is this vehicle safe?

Oh, perfectly safe.

A bit theatrical, perhaps, but then most
good spells are.

We're here.

I would never have believed it.

You must have given us the wrong
address. You don't live here, do you?

In point of fact, I do.

Temporarily, at any rate.

I found the front door open. The house
was deserted.

Everyone has left the neighborhood.

Now, why should they do that?

This probably has something to do with
it.

Merciful heavens.

I should think you'd be terrified at the
very idea of living here. You'd have

thought so, wouldn't you? I am by
nature... A little bit of a coward, but

pondered, as I often do, in the perverse
nature of things, this diabolical

object is probably the best friend I've
ever had.

It enables me, for the first time in my
life, to live like a king. Shall we go

in?

Rothschild 26.

Noble, worldly -wise, but with a
charming touch of innocence, wouldn't

Mr. Brown, the book. Where is it?

Dear lady, you are relentless.

The book is in the library, and we shall
proceed there after finishing our

cheese and wine.

Why do you keep the curtains closed?

So that we may enjoy the gentle glow of
candlelight.

More likely shows the copper don't peek
in and catch you hiding out here.

Now, why don't you young things have a
look round the house? I want to have a

chat with Miss Price.

May we?

Yes, run along, children. But mind you,
don't touch anything. Remember, this

house does not belong to Mr. Brown.

Mr. Brown, where is that book?

I must have that spell on
substitutionary locomotion.

What is it? A toy shop? No, it's a
nursery.

Ain't you ever seen a nursery?

No, and neither have you.

Would you hold this, please?

What do you think of that?

Well, I don't know what to think. Miss
Price, just think how successful I could

be. with an assistant who can really do
magic.

Oh? Dear lady, have you ever considered
entering what some of us call show

business?

The what business?

The theater, pantomimes, village fairs,
the seaside, Brighton, Blackpool, bodies

on the prom. Mr. Brown, I have very
important work to do.

Listen to me. We could make a packet.

Let us strike a bargain.

You possess a gift, but I can speak the
jargon that will give your gift the

needed lift.

Oh? You possess the know -how, and I
command the show -how. Oh, how

you could be with me.

I'm afraid we're wasting valuable time.
What's your name?

Miss Price.

No, no, your first name, my dear.
Eglantine.

Eglantine?

Eglantine, Eglantine, oh, how you'll
shine.

Your lot and my lot have got... to
combine.

Eglantine, Eglantine, heart to the
stars.

Destiny calls us. The future is ours. As
the shine sells the boot and the

blossoms the fruit fall. You need to
succeed in your plan.

He is the proper ally upon whom to rely.

And I'm your man.

For I have been a human that's nigh
superhuman.

I shall be... that nobody can.

So I humbly suggest you accept my
behest.

I'm your man.

Eglantine, Eglantine. Oh, how you shine.

And my lot have got to combine.

Eglantine, Eglantine. On to the stars.

Boom, boom.

Can't be no such place. There is to such
a place.

These pictures prove it, don't it?

Bit weird, ain't it? Animals wearing
hats and things.

I like it.

I warned you, Mr. Brown.

Now, where is the book?

Well, where is it?

At last, Mr. Brown.

The spells of Astaroth.

Of course.

Ah, here's the traveling spell. This is
where you got it.

Does one's nose have to twitch like
this?

Oh, you're back, Mr. Brown.

Miss Price, a word about your tactics.

I don't mind being changed into a hawk
or a tiger or something with a bit of

dash to it, but always a fluffy white
rabbit.

It's intolerable.

Ah, here we are.

Substitutionary locomotion.

The ancient art of... The spell which
creates this force

is five mystic words. These words are...

But the rest of the book is missing.

Now you see why I closed down the
college.

Where are the other pages?

Have the foggiest.

Listen to me, Mr. Brown.

I'm all ears.

You will be if you don't pay attention.

Where did you get this book? I bought it
from a chap in a sweet market. There

was a bit of unpleasantness, as a matter
of fact. He claimed that I'd given him

a dud coin, I ask you. There was a sort
of scuffle. The book tore.

He got one half, and I got the other.

But where's the other half now?

It's probably been thrown away.

But if it still exists, there's only one
place to find it. Where is that?

Portobello Road,

Portobello Road, street where the riches
of ages are stowed. Anything

and everything a chap can unload is sold
off the barrow in Portobello Road.

You'll find what you want in the
Portobello Road.

A pen used by Shelley.

A new -bottled Shelley.

The snippers that slipped old King
Edward's cigars.

Made in Hong Kong.

Two bob a dozen, would you say?

Water for crystal.

The plurian's business.

Society heirlooms with genuine gems.

Rembrandt's old wackos. To lose the
trekkos.

Painted last week on the banks of the
Thames.

Interesting, but where do they sell
books? There's a little place around the

corner.

Portobello Road, Portobello Road, sweet
where the riches of ages are stowed.

Anything and everything a chap can
unload is sold off the barrow in

Road.

want is the other half of this book. All
in good time, my dear.

First period, the bride book, the
fishmonger's title. I'm looking at the

part of this, thank you.

A Victorian novel, the unwanted son.

You don't understand, I'm not
interested. The history of potting. The

of yachting.

This good lady is looking for the other
half of this book. It's called The

Spells of Astaroth.

I don't keep no torn or damaged books
here. What do you think I am? A ruddy

white paper merchant?

I think if I'm right, there's another
bookstore along here somewhere.

Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a
piano like that, do you? Let me have a

my dear fellow.

Portobello Road, Portobello Road.

Everything's a -happening in Portobello
Road. You feel like a ballerina when

you're hopping like a toad. When you
kick your heels up down in Portobello

Come on, girl!

Street where the riches of ages are
stowed.

Anything and everything a chap can
unload.

Hey, Governor.

Boy, Tosh, something for the lady
friend?

Nylons? No, thank you.

Petrol coupons?

Chocks for the little ones? Nope.

How about one of these, mate?

Fell off the back of a lorry. Do be a
good chap and run away.

Would you fancy this, then?

Ah, now you have my undivided attention.

What can I do for you, friend?

You ought to get over to the bookman
straight away.

He wants to see you.

You too.

Who is the bookman? And what right has
he got to order me about?

Under the circumstances, I think we'd
better ask questions later. Excuse me.

Sorry, Jeff. No one told me about the
stairs.

Why didn't you just bring Scott and
Yard, Swinburne, and half the household

cavalry as well?

What's the bed for?

It's a present for you.

That's what he said.

Nothing of the sort. The bed belongs to
me.

Sex, it is not what you'd mind.

Be that as it may, Hookman, there's been
bad blood between us long enough.

Let this glittering gift begin
friendship anew. Draw the curtains and

door. You'll be snuggled up.

Mr. Brown, isn't that the section of the
manuscript that we've been looking for?

Who is this person?

Miss Eglantine Price, a charming young
woman of my acquaintance. Miss Price,

I've been looking for this sort of bit a
long time.

Mr. Swinburne told me you were in the
market making inquiries.

And here we are. I don't mind saying, to
see it all together at last, there

isn't much I wouldn't do.

Or haven't done, for that matter. Right,
Gov?

Now, close your mouth, Swinburne. Is
that clear?

It's all rather like a jolly detective
story or jigsaw puzzle, isn't it?

We're both after the same spell.

You have one clue, I have the other.

In that case, the sensible thing seems
to be for us to cooperate.

It is.

I assume you're looking for the same
thing I am.

May I?

This is quite a moment for both of us.

Substitutionary locomotion.

The lost miracle of the ancients, and so
on and so forth. Ah, here we are.

The spell which creates this force is
five mystic words.

These words are engraved on the star
that was always worn by the sorcerer

Astaroth. But where are the words of the
spell?

I assumed they'd be in your half of the
manuscript.

I thought they'd be in yours.

Once again, a dead end.

I shall never know the secret.

Isn't that old, Astaroth?

And there's his star.

It's a pity it's so small you can't read
the writing.

But why the animals?

Towards the end of his life, Astaroth
kept animals in cages and searched for

spells that would make them more like
humans.

The legend is that finally the animals
rebelled at the experiment, killed

Astaroth, and stole many of his powers.

Including the star with the spell on it?

Possibly. They found a ship, sailed
away... and were never heard of again.

However, there is a final notation in my
half of the book saying that in the

17th century, a shipwrecked Lasker was
taken from the sea, half mad with thirst

and exposure to the sun.

Before he died, he swore he had seen an
island ruled by animals.

Where? There is, I regret to say, no
such island. I looked for it in

every chart.

The Isle of Namungbu does not exist.

Oi, just two.

Got me an... What is he trying to say?

Nothing. When he don't say nothing, he
burbles.

I wish the child to speak.

Oh, now you've done it.

There is two such a place.

Got me an book.

There. Real printed letters, ain't it?

Let me see it.

You're not interested, Bookman.

It's just a simple children's book.

I'll be the judge of that.

Give it to me.

No.

Please don't annoy me.

Give me the book, boy.

Not like you.

Bit of a stalemate, isn't it?

If it's all the same to you, I'd rather
use my own sentiment, you know.

Come along, Paul. I believe it's time to
go.

Go? How, my dear?

The door is locked.

Observe the fundamental weakness of the
criminal mind.

You will believe no one or anything.

I understand.

The knob, Paul.

Right. Of course you do, my dear. Do you
realize we can tell them the complete

truth? They will believe nothing.

He's up to something, you know.

Bookman, before your very eyes, I shall
cause this bed and all the occupants

upon it to disappear.

Disappear? I should like to see a Chief
Jack temperate entertainer do a trick

like that.

Chief Jack Entertainer. Now, that was
naughty.

All right, Paul.

Where to?

To the island of Nabumbu. I'm very
curious about that place.

Good.

Bed, take us to the island of Nabumbu.

Enough of this nonsense.

Get the book.

climate. I never did fancy the sea.

Where are we? The Boobercles.

I ain't never seen no island like this
before.

I'm afraid we may have fallen into the
lagoon.

Mr. Codfish, where is the island of
Nabumbu? You mean the land part.

Oh, that.

Straight up. You can't miss it.

None of my business, of course.

But I shouldn't go there if I were you.

Having troubles, they are.

Troubles? He's right, you know. A lot of
trouble.

Well, trouble or not, we should be
getting along. I wish to see who is in

charge. What's the rush? It's really
rather splendid down here.

For you, my dear.

Oh, thank you.

How pleasant, bobbing along, bobbing
along on the bottom of the beautiful

briny sea.

What a chance to get to bed to peep at
the plants and

creatures of the deep we glide.

Far below the rolling tide Serene

Through the bubbly blue and green It's

lovely bobbing along Bobbing along on
the bottom of the beautiful

briny sea What if the octopus, the
flounder and the

cod think we're rather odd?

It's fun to promenade, bobbing along,
singing a song.

A chance to get a better peep at the
plants and creatures of the deep.

It's grand when you're dancing on the
sand.

Each glance bubbles over with romance.

It's lovely bobbing along, bobbing along
through the water where we get along.

Swimmingly.

Far from the frenzy of the frantic world
above.

Two beneath the blue.

Could even fall in love.

Bobbing along, singing a song.

I really got a whopper!

People!

People! Oh, no!

What scurvy luck!

My goodness!

I'll deal with this, my dear.

Don't you know that... Good day,
Captain.

I used to be a bit of a seafaring man
myself.

Many's the time I've shipped out of
Portsmouth, delighted to meet a fellow

mariner.

Stow it, mate.

Oh, really?

Can't you read reading?

Huh?

It says, um, no peopling allowed.

No peopling allowed?

Ridiculous. Don't antagonize him, Mr.
Brown. That means I gotta throw you all

back. That's what it do.

Wait a minute.

It says here that anybody can see the
king, and that's the law.

Where do it say that?

So it do.

What?

But if you people know what was good for
you, you'd get yourselves all... Thrown

back. The king don't like people.

Nonetheless, we must see the king on an
urgent personal matter.

Please lead the way.

Uh -huh. But just don't say I didn't
warn you. See?

Follow me.

You're all from some clipper that
fought... Thank you.

for you.

I caught some people down at the sea
lagoon.

They want to see the king.

Really? Well, we can't be bothered with
that sort of thing now, can we?

I don't know that I fancied this.

His majesty is in a frightful rage.

Excuse me, sir. As an all -round
entertainer of sorts, I am considered

without talent.

Perhaps I can cheer him up?

No, no, no, no, no. You don't
understand.

As everyone knows, His Majesty is the
world's greatest soccer player.

But due to a technical problem, the
Royal Cup match cannot take place today.

And His Majesty had so set his heart on
it.

Throw these...

Oh, creatures, back into the sea.

Aye, sir.

Just a moment. I can help.

Do you really think so?

I'd be most grateful.

Do you know soccer?

Do I know anything about soccer?

Why, I was captain of Tottenham Hotspurs
for two years.

Three seasons with Manchester United.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, you do.

Come this way, please.

Mr. Brown, are you certain you'll be all
right?

Not an ideal person in many respects,
but Mr. Brown is a very brave man.

You think he's dumb, folks?

Do you think so?

I can't tell you how I appreciate this.

For some reason, we have great
difficulty finding referees round

here. If there be one thing we like,
it's volunteers.

Eh, birdie?

He's a proper king.

Look at his crown.

What's he got round his neck?

What a magnificent ornament, sire.

Wouldn't be without it. Been in the
family for years.

The star of Astaroth.

You're to sit in his majesty's royal
box. No littering, no chewing, no fruit

wrappers from royal sweets. Please.

Rise, please.

Loyal fans, this is official.

We have a volunteer.

Thank you so much. Oh, please, let me
help you on with your row.

Why, yes, thank you, thank you, yes.

Can't have you catching cold, sire, can
we?

Why, no, no.

Have you ever heard of something called
the gypsy switch?

No, can't say that I have.

Remind me to tell you about it sometime.

I can't tell you when you've had such a
good time. We'll carry the memory of

your majesty in our hearts for a long
while. I think it's time to leave.

I must you go.

A marvelous game.

Lovely to see you. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Friendly lot.

Don't mind visiting.

Wouldn't want them living here.

Come along, children.

Come on, children. Hurry up.

Stop gibbering. What's the matter with
you?

Your royal star.

They've stolen your royal star.

Don't be ridiculous. What do you think?

Thematic words.

I'll keep it. Women always lose things.

I don't suppose I shall ever get used to
this thing.

Children, will you push the bed back
into place, please?

I think we could all do with a nice cup
of tea.

Oh, no time for that. I've gone to a lot
of trouble to find this spell. I'm

going to try it immediately.

Mr. Brown, kindly let me have your
shoes, please.

Oh,

fine. What's that shoes for?

Really, Charles, if you'd been paying
attention, I should think you'd be aware

that substitutionary locomotion is the
art of causing inanimate objects to take

on a life force of their own.

Obviously, I must have inanimate objects
to experiment with.

Makes sense, Valnet.

Stand back, everyone. I need plenty of
room.

I want you all to be absolutely quiet.

Mr. Brown?

You have the star of Astaroth, I
believe.

Oh, yes.

It's in my nice, clean hanky.

It's all right, Mr. Brown.

I should have realized that it would be
quite impossible to take an object from

one world into another.

If only I would have had the sense to
remember the words on that...

the words, Miss Price. Don't bother,
Miss Price. She's thinking.

Charlie, why don't you and I nip down to
the village and get something for

supper? And I might conceivably call
into the pub for a pint to steady my

nerves.

Tribona. I do know the words, Miss
Price. How can you know the words when

Price doesn't?

Troop movements and massing of barges in
French and Dutch channel ports.

The Prime Minister has told the
nation... to be on the alert for signs

possible invasion.

That was the news.

To think I might have been able to do
something about all this.

It's out of your hands now, my dear.

Only I could have remembered those
words. It's maddening.

Why don't someone ask me?

Come off it, Paul. You can't remember
those kind of words.

You mean like... Traguna macoides
trachorum satis D?

Traguna macoides trachorum satis D?

was there in your book all the time.

Yeah, but nobody ever listens to me.

Preguna, Macoides, Pecorum, Satis Dei.

Nothing happens.

Am I doing something wrong?

Well, to tell you the truth, it does
seem a bit old -fashioned. After all, we

are in the 20th century.

What do you suggest?

Well, it needs rhythm, tempo, music.

As I always say, do it with a flair.

Do you mind if I have a go?

Oh, of course not.

Now come along, you lot. We need all the
help we can get.

Substitutiary locomotion, come to me.
Shhh.

Now.

Triguna.

Macoides.

Tricorum satis di.

Car.

Macoides and Tricorum satis di. I don't
know.

Macoides and Tricorum.

Thank you.

You've made

substitutionary history

with Draguna, McCoy, and a little help
from me.

What is going on here?

I haven't the foggiest.

Oh,

shall we?

That's my nightgown.

Is it really, my dear?

Listen, I'm not responsible for its
behavior.

Obviously not, my dear.

What on earth are you doing?

I'm the judge of time, that's what.

How can we stop all this?

Must we? It's really most agreeable.
Yes, but we must do something.

Didn't I give you my all -purpose cut
-off spell?

Yes, number eight. Number eight. Yes,
number eight, I think it was.

Oi, me Sunday trousers!

Buzz off, old chap. Find your own
dancing partner.

Sausages and mash. No more for me, thank
you. Oh, Carrie?

It was very good, but I've already had
two helpings.

I'm full.

Me too.

Well, at least somebody wants some.

Cheer up, my dear.

This should be something of a
celebration.

I'm sorry, but there doesn't seem to be
much to celebrate.

I still haven't mastered that spell.

Of course you have. You just need a
little more practice, that's all.

Do you really think so?

No doubt about it.

Meantime, there's nothing to liven the
spirits like a little master juggling.

Right, Charlie?

Go on, then, Gus. Give us some juggling.

Very few better than me at this.

All you need is 20 years' practice and a
touch of genius.

Never happened to me before.

I don't usually juggle with cats under
my feet.

Don't stop, my dear. I've just come by
to bring you the good news.

Good news? Yes, yes, Mr.

Bissellfwaiter brings the milk, you
know.

Well, he's promised to take the children
in. He and his wife have got that farm

just the place for growing children.

Put a bit of color back in their cheeks.

Why, what's the matter?

I thought you'd be pleased.

You told me yourself that you were much
too busy. You had no time to take care

of children.

Circumstances have changed somewhat.

That's right. We've got a dad now.

Mr. Brown.

Price, is this true?

Of course.

You do want him to stay with us, don't
you, Miss Price?

I suppose I hadn't really thought about
it.

What about him?

What do you say about it, Mr. Brown?

Well, it's all rather sudden.

I don't quite know what to say.

Oh, then I'll leave you two to talk it
over. Oh, I'll come back in the morning.

Yes, good night.

Good night.

Good night.

It's true, Mr. Brown. You are going to
be our father now, aren't you?

Oh, yes.

We are rather rushing things, aren't we?

Perhaps Mr. Brown has other things
besides you children to think about.

Yes, well, as a matter of fact, I should
have left ages ago. I must get a train

back to London tonight. It's rather an
important matter, as a matter of fact.

I'd like to tell you about it, but
it's...

A little bit hush -hush, you know.

Sort of a secret.

Well, uh, if, uh... If I've been any
sort of help to you,

I'm pleased.

You've been immensely kind.

Thank you.

I've enjoyed being with you.

Perhaps it's been good for all of us.

Will you be coming back?

Someday, my dear. I certainly hope that
we shall meet again.

Someday.

When all this war business is over.

I see.

And then perhaps I shall realize my
fondest dream.

Eglantine and Aemilius.

Illusionists extraordinary.

You think how that'll look on the
poster, huh?

The children are going to miss you.

You really think they will?

Yes.

Well, I shall miss you.

All of you.

If I don't go now, you might never get
rid of me.

Goodbye, Karen.

Must you really go?

Yes, I think it's best, everybody.

Goodbye, Paul.

I still think you should be our father.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Do you want me to come down to the
station with you?

No, no.

No, you stay here and look after
everybody.

Goodbye, Miss Price.

Goodbye, Mr. Brown.

When is the next train to London,
please?

Lord bless you, sir, there ain't no
train.

Not until milk job, 4 a .m. tomorrow
morning. Mind if I wait in here? You

yourself. Good night, sir.

Good night.

curvy in that house at this very moment.

For once in your useless life, you
rarely seem to have been needed.

You're a failure of me, Miss Verlaine.

And a coward.

No, Verlaine, this is not the invasion.
Just a little exercise.

A minor raid to induce panic and to
spread a little mischief. When you

get it through your head that the German
forces can land at will whenever and

wherever we please, perhaps you will
consider a reasonable peace.

No!

It's very tempting.

Colonel, how would you feel about being
turned into a nice white rabbit?

I said, how would you feel about being
turned into a nice white rabbit?

Be quiet, please.

Delivery, apogee, apogee.

Not again.

Your memory, Miss Price.

Charles, would you come? Finally fetch
my notebook from the workroom, please.

Raus! Hey, you louse poop!

Here, bring it!

Vorlein, we have work to do. I am sorry,
but I must send all of you someplace

where you will no longer be a nuisance.

All I need to succeed in my plan is

a champion plan with a fly -chamber
plan.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Where's the spell for rabbits?

Easiest of all, she says.

Confounded. Can't women ever learn to
file things properly?

Off, Mahon!

Pelligree, apogee, pedigree, pedigree.
That's it.

Off, Bragman!

Pelligree. Good.

Apogee, pedigree, pedigree.

Now, come along, my boy.

Just for once in your life, you've got
to believe in something.

Good lad.

Billy Green.

Apogee. Pettigree.

the use of putting the children and me
in that drafty castle.

It's quite chilly, you know. Because
Fräulein, the Colonel, believes when a

British female decides to become a
nuisance, she can become the greatest

nuisance in the world. And I'm inclined
to agree with him.

I'm afraid you need a lesson in manners,
Sergeant. If I only had my notebook,

I'd make certain you'd learn a few...

Try holding your breath. I am holding
it. We could strip him down and grease

with soap.

to give the alarm, we'll just have to
think of something else.

What about that spell that makes things
move about?

Oh, but I need weapons.

How about all these things?

I'm afraid they're a bit ancient.

Where did this come from?

It's Mr. Brown, that's who it is.

Oh, he's on his way to London.

Mr. Brown?

If you are Mr. Brown, would you be kind
enough to get down off my lap?

It is, Mr.

Brown.

It is you.

You didn't think that I could do that
spell, did you?

I am glad to see you.

But what about all these Germans?

Well, as Charlie says, what's wrong with
a substitutionary locomotion spell?

That ought to be useful.

No, but it isn't ready yet. You saw what
happened this afternoon.

Well, we had to chance it. We can't let
these so -and -sos get away with a

beastly little raid.

Mr. Brown, won't you get up off the
floor, and we'll go to work.

Herr Oberst, die Brücken sind fertig zu
sprengen.

Die Eisenbahnschienen, die Uferstraße
und die Molle sind fertig zu sprengen,

Herr Oberst.

Gut, wir sprengen in zehn Minuten.

Sehen Sie zu, dass alle Leute in
Sicherheit sind.

Wir treffen uns planmäßig in zehn
Minuten.

Charlie, good luck, my dear. Thank you,
Amelius.

You haven't forgotten the spell, Miss
Brown. Oh, not this time, Charlie.

in the castle.

Probably not a magic broom, but it might
make you feel more at home. Well, thank

you, Carrie. That was very thoughtful of
you. Good night, children. Let's get

out of Miss Price's way.

He'll be a trick. A good trick.

I don't like your blood, Miller. I skip
kind of action.

Sound the advance.

Just in time for the kickoff.

Steady on the left.

Victory for England and St.

George!

Parkman, hold your distance.

Let's do this.

Roadster. Come on, lads. Off to me.

Mm -hmm.

Thank you.

damaged you.

See? No one can hurt Miss Price.

There they are, lads.

I said somebody was afoot.

All right.

Drive them into the sea. Fire in
position, you brothers. Both sides.

tragic all your spells your equipment
all gone still i was able to perform

small service first that mean you ain't
gonna be a witch no more never no paul i

realized some time ago that i could
never be a proper witch when was that

that first magic moment when you laid
eyes on me no it was the day my poison

dragon's liver arrived I knew then that
anyone who felt the way I did about

poisoned dragon's liver had no business
being a witch.

You're certain you're doing the right
thing?

Well, I think so. The way things are,
it's much too dangerous being a

Take care of yourself, Guff.

I'll do that.

And I'll be back before you've grown an
inch taller.

We'll be together again.

Sounds like you have an escort to the
station.

We'll be right back.