Original subtitles

Once upon a time, there was a jillionaire playboy who was blown up in

tremendous explosion.

His brain survived.

And was attached to the body of a stupid circus bear.

I am that brain.

My name is Hector Concarne, and I will one day rule the world!

Keep your goggles on, Major Doctor.

I'm here.

What's the rush?

Bostoff was getting his flea bath.

Take a look, Chief.

Puppies? Aren't they cute?

This is what you spent my $32 billion on?

This is the last time I leave a mad scientist to do a criminal mastermind

Wait a minute.

They are pretty cute.

I guess it's kind of cool, but... No, no, Chief. This is my side project.

I made 101 Dalmatian bombs.

They explode when you pet them.

I only see 100.

The only thing worse than not being taken seriously in this dump is the

-wrenching loneliness.

Oh, but you understand me, don't you, Peanut?

So ghastly.

What did you spend my $32 billion on?

Oh, I spent it on that.

We call it the Trojan Bear.

Copley! You know how much I hate bears.

But this bear can be filled with troopers, then offered as a gift to the

of Nations.

Then, in the still of the night, we jump out and take over!

What the heck is that noise?

It's the doorbell. We have a doorbell? Yeah, on the front door.

We have a front door?

It's in the foyer.

We have a foyer?

We have a ficus plant?

Hello, little blind, helpless lady.

Whatever you are selling, we don't want any.

Mama?

Hector! My little stinky pants.

Oh, is that you?

Mama! I haven't seen you in two, three, uh, three, it seems like two, three. I

made your favorite salsa for you.

It's so spicy if I remember.

You were always a hungry little boy. Now come give your mama a big hug.

My, how hair you've gotten.

I did.

That was from second puberty.

She doesn't know you're just a brain?

Last time she saw me, I had a body.

The Trojan bear plan will go into operation as planned. But no mention of

concordance or plans for world domination.

My mother thinks I'm an oral surgeon.

How is the oral surgeon business going, Stinky Pots?

Oh, just wonderful, Mama.

Why, just the other day...

I took out a man's tooth and replaced it with a, uh, a toilet tank.

You've gotten so big.

My, what big teeth you have.

I hope you've been brushing me. Oh, no!

than to brush at least twice a day.

Come on, Chief.

I can't help you feel better unless you tell me what's wrong.

I don't want to talk about it.

Is it because you don't have any teeth to brush?

No. Is it because you're stuck inside a glass jar on top of a stupid bear?

No. But thanks for reminding me.

Is this about your mother finding out that you're a power -hungry maniac?

I said I did not want to talk about it.

But... Yes, that is the problem.

Well, even if she does find out, it's not like any of your plans have actually

succeeded. And you never hurt anybody but yourself and maybe Scar.

This is why I never want to open up to you!

Where's the John?

Don't say anything about the tanks.

Down the hall, past the tanks, third door on the left.

Thanks, honey!

Hello! All our surgeons don't have tanks!

What about the toilet tank you put in that guy's mouth?

Oh, Hector got a big house.

Ah, this must be it.

How do you flush this thing?

Here, flushy, flushy.

Oh, there we go.

Hmm. I didn't know you could put so many things into a person's mouth.

I brought you some breakfast.

Mama?

Chief, bad news. Your mom is missing, and so is the Trojan bear.

What? Ghostly, we have to get my mama back before she finds out that I'm a

terrible, villainous, vile, scandalous, putrid, horrible, treacherous,

disgusting, stinky, reddish pile of scum. Don't be ridiculous, Chief.

You're more pink than red.

All right, Chief.

We're tracking the Trojan bear now.

It's heading due south towards Washington, D .C.

The White House?

That's right, Chief.

We've got to get there in a jiffy. We're scarred.

Scarred! I'm right here, sir.

Warm up the evil jet. We've got to pay the president a little visit.

Yes, sir. That's affirmative.

It's a giant metal bear.

No, Mr. President, we don't have a clue who it's from.

Well, if it's another gift from that weird guy that keeps calling and saying,

I'll rub your feet, baby, and keeps hanging up, you can just send it

back, General.

Hurry, Gutsley! We've got to get my mama out of the White House!

And with these brilliant disguises, the President will never recognize us!

Let's go save my mama!

Giant bear?

What do you mean?

I wasn't in a giant bear.

I was in the john.

I mean bathroom, Mr.

Do you know my son?

He lives here.

Your son?

His name is Hector.

Hector. Hector the oral surgeon.

And my lovely assistant, Greta.

And this is our bee.

Bee! Get it away!

Get it away!

So sorry about

the misunderstanding, Mr. President, but I will just go ahead and take my mama

home. But your mother said that you lived here in the White House, and I

someone to look at my tooth.

It's been bugging me for four score and 20 weeks.

What is this?

Go on.

You're going to have to pull that tooth, son.

Listen to your mama, maggot. Come on already.

I guarantee.

Okay.

Is this how you pull teeth? Yes, mama. This is the best way.

You sure this is going to work?

Just who is the oral surgeon here anyway?

You? I think not.

This won't hurt a bit.

Hector Concorde.

You're no oral surgeon.

You're a reddish, dastardly villain been on world domination.

Ah! Bosco, get us out of here!

What's the matter, stinky pants?

Stop that fire!

How dare that man say I wasn't an oral surgeon?

You can drop the charade, stinky pants.

what you do, son.

I've known ever since you tried taking over the Gonzales Kid's sandbox when you

were eight. Or the time when you held all the neighborhood bets for ransom.

Or who could forget when you started a riot at the local Cluck Eats Cheese and

proclaimed yourself king of the ball pit.

And you're not disappointed in me? Oh, no.

I still loved you. I wanted you to be an oral surgeon, but if this is what makes

you happy, Well, then it makes me happy, too.

Oh, Mama.

Besides, it's not like you're ever actually going to succeed at taking over

world. You're not really a danger to anyone but yourself.

That's what I say.

I will, too, take over the world.

I will.

Mama, make him stop teasing me.

Get me off this crazy thing!

Okay, baby, get ready to see the H -

Why so glum, glorious leader?

I don't know what it is, Scar.

No matter how many countries I try to take over, how many robot armies I

it never feels like enough.

I just can't help the feeling that something in my life is missing.

Like your body?

This is no time for jokes, Scar.

How does it work out?

Just me and the H -C -C -B -D -D.

All alone for the night. Just me and a goat and a device of ultimate power.

That gives me a bright idea.

Oh, boys.

Come on.

Let's go steal that H -C -C -B -D -D and take over the world.

already. I'll feed you.

Some Saturday night.

Who could that be?

Now remember, boys, let Daddy do the talking.

What do you expect me to do?

You're looking especially ravishing tonight, Gastly. What a surprise to find

modern woman like you home alone on a Saturday night.

Well, I had a date, but he canceled.

I mean, he was eaten by crocodiles. Now, what do you and your goon children

want?

Can we come in?

I don't know. Hector sure hates it when I let his bloodthirsty arch enemies in.

But since he's not here...

slumber party.

You girls ready for a killer slumber party?

Yes!

I mean, no.

We should have our party somewhere a little more fun than your smelly, boring

bedroom. Like where?

Your secret lab, maybe.

Now, Estroy, if I showed you my lab, it wouldn't be a secret, would it?

Hey, I know. Wouldn't you rather have a pillow fight?

You're kidding me.

He ain't kidding.

Want us to call you Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater?

Pumpkin Eater?

That's right.

And before long, we'd be chanting Liar Liar Pants on fire.

And these are rhymes so unbecoming of a treasure like you.

Jeepers. You're right.

Come on, boys. Let's go get a snack from Ghastly's secret lab.

There's that secret lab.

Ah, here it is. Lab A6.

A4, A5, A6, lab.

Oh, that's a knee slapper.

for popcorn in a movie.

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Super!

Where's Estroy?

Game of truth or dare?

Truth or dare, Estroy?

Um, uh, dare.

I dare you to take off that ironclad helmet that covers your real face.

I meant truth.

Okay, truth. What do you really look like under that ironclad helmet?

Oh, if you must know, underneath this helmet, my face is actually too

So utterly irresistible that I had to construct this iron helmet to contain

majestic awesomeness.

So you're a head case.

My turn.

Truth or dare?

Ghastly.

Dare. I dare you to show me where you keep the HCC BDD.

How'd you know about that?

I guess.

Unless, of course, you're chicken.

Chicken?

That's right.

Nothing but a big egg -laying chicken.

You're on, buckethead.

Well, here it is, Asteroid. The H -C -C -B -D -D. The machine that will give the

chief ultimate power.

Ooh.

We'll take it.

But it's not for sale.

Then we'll steal it.

You can't do that, silly.

No. can't I?

Telescopic legs.

Come to daddy.

What? Whoa!

Gasly, hey!

Whoa! What happened?

That's just a hologram of the HCCBDD.

The real one's in the gigantic vault.

Well, now I've got another little game, Gasly.

It's called, Open the Gigantic Vault Before I Disintegrate You.

Gosh,

I haven't played that game in ages.

You know, Ghastly, you're cute, but you're a tad thick in the head.

In fact, that's what I'm going to call you, Cutie Thickhead.

I'll be back!

Dead!

Godly, I'm back!

Back? What's my name?

in the gigantic vault, Skipper.

Hey, it's dark in here.

Surprise!

You remember my birthday?

But what about the HTC BDD?

Coming right up, Chiefy.

The HTC BDD stands for the Hector Concarne Birthday Device?

Could you say it was the device of ultimate...

Expecting more out of you, Major Doctor.

You heard the boss.

Back to work!

Oh, just when it was getting good, party pooper.

Hateful enough for you, boss?

Not bad, Gastly. Do you want to have some ice cream?

I'd rather have a baby.