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1
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,250
BAD EXORCIST
2
00:00:22,291 --> 00:00:26,833
{\an8}Wait! Engineer Tomczyk is injured!
3
00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:32,124
Damn it. Good thing we took two.
I knew there'd be casualties.
4
00:00:32,125 --> 00:00:35,040
Protect the Docent,
even with your own bodies.
5
00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:37,125
We can't go home without him.
6
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:45,082
Wait, it's the least I can do for him.
7
00:00:45,083 --> 00:00:48,499
In the name of Mary, Hail Father. Amen.
8
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:49,749
He's in Heaven now.
9
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:53,165
You idiot, it won't work.
You're not a priest anymore.
10
00:00:53,166 --> 00:00:58,165
Oh no, one is a priest 'til the end.
In another parish, if anything.
11
00:00:58,166 --> 00:01:01,333
Let's get out of here,
or you'll be dead in a minute.
12
00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:11,415
Oh no, a crack! We are screwed.
13
00:01:11,416 --> 00:01:13,207
What are you talking about?
14
00:01:13,208 --> 00:01:14,165
Just jump.
15
00:01:14,166 --> 00:01:15,790
I don't know about humans,
16
00:01:15,791 --> 00:01:20,957
but aliens really suck at jumping,
even though we look like frogs.
17
00:01:20,958 --> 00:01:21,915
I can't do it.
18
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:24,333
Docent Białas, it's easy. Look!
19
00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:27,125
Okay.
20
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,458
Quick! It's not much further!
21
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:52,165
{\an8}TWO HOURS EARLIER
22
00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:53,124
WILLDO.PL
23
00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:56,915
Forgive me, Archbishop, but ever since
the Internet was deemed the work of Satan,
24
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,916
we've been having problems
with the mobile app orders.
25
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,165
You ordered the JP or JP2 burger?
26
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:06,165
The double one. What am I, a girl?
27
00:02:06,166 --> 00:02:08,290
It doesn't seem right.
28
00:02:08,291 --> 00:02:11,582
Since Domino became Archbishop,
nothing is allowed.
29
00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:15,374
As long as they don't ban this, it's fine.
30
00:02:15,375 --> 00:02:18,415
As the saying goes,
what the heart can't take,
31
00:02:18,416 --> 00:02:19,999
the liver will.
32
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,041
Cheers.
33
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:25,290
Now that's a double cheeseburger.
34
00:02:25,291 --> 00:02:27,124
Look at all that cheese.
35
00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:29,832
Next time, I'll take a JP 100%.
36
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:32,207
Governor, give me that boring report,
37
00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:33,833
and I'll play Candy Crush.
38
00:02:34,916 --> 00:02:35,915
Here it goes.
39
00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:40,165
As per your guidelines, we extended
the Sunday trade ban to Saturday.
40
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:42,582
I don't think
it'll boost church attendance.
41
00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:45,915
It's already 100%,
since absence is punished by flogging.
42
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:48,458
- And the basket-coll.
- Right. Absolutely.
43
00:02:50,791 --> 00:02:51,999
Fucking awesome.
44
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,499
But isn't banning electricity
a bit extreme, Your Excellency?
45
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,915
Wasn't there an outlet in the stable?
46
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:58,832
Right.
47
00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:01,624
But sometimes, electricity is useful.
48
00:03:01,625 --> 00:03:04,999
How will you charge
the Smartphone of Providence?
49
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:05,915
Relax,
50
00:03:05,916 --> 00:03:09,249
I had a tiny nuclear power plant
built at home.
51
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,707
What? Double standards?
52
00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:13,999
And by The Holy Chosen One?
53
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,832
Governor. What the governor can do...
54
00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:18,541
is not allowed to you.
55
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:37,582
Compulsory religion exam
instead of math? Fair enough.
56
00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:39,915
- We have calculators.
- They're banned.
57
00:03:39,916 --> 00:03:41,457
English?
58
00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:44,374
Maybe it's for the best.
I was never good at it.
59
00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,957
But mandatory high-emission furnaces?
60
00:03:46,958 --> 00:03:49,500
It's getting dumber. He banned Thursday.
61
00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:53,999
A month ago, we had immortality machines.
62
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,000
And now?
63
00:03:57,791 --> 00:03:58,625
Czarek.
64
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:01,083
Let's do it.
65
00:04:01,916 --> 00:04:03,165
Come on, I'm married.
66
00:04:03,166 --> 00:04:05,665
That's not what I mean. I mean a coup.
67
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:09,249
Oh, that. Okay. After all,
I'm a big shot in the army.
68
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,625
I'll call my troops.
69
00:04:11,541 --> 00:04:12,500
What's going on?
70
00:04:15,166 --> 00:04:18,208
Right. I forgot. It's banned.
I have to go there.
71
00:04:29,416 --> 00:04:30,333
No one's here.
72
00:04:31,583 --> 00:04:33,832
He found out and ran away.
73
00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:36,332
Along with his minions.
74
00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:40,332
But don't think you'll get away with it,
75
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:42,999
you Holy Shithead.
76
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,000
Let's get them.
77
00:04:58,458 --> 00:05:00,290
You had it coming, Domino.
78
00:05:00,291 --> 00:05:02,749
It was fine, and you ruined it.
79
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:04,915
You were like a dog in the manger.
80
00:05:04,916 --> 00:05:08,165
But unlike the dog, you were eating.
81
00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:10,624
Not my fault. Power's like potato chips.
82
00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:14,207
You won't stop eating
until someone takes them away.
83
00:05:14,208 --> 00:05:17,165
So many good people
have gone crazy over them.
84
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:19,999
Papa Smurf, Popek, and...
85
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,000
Jarosław... What's his name?
It starts with "K."
86
00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:25,749
- Kuźniar.
- What are we going to do?
87
00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:29,124
What we should have done
in the first place.
88
00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:30,665
Go back home.
89
00:05:30,666 --> 00:05:32,790
Domino, you said you had a UFO at home.
90
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,790
It's no use.
I can't start it, let alone steer it.
91
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:39,250
- So how did you fly?
- I had an engineer on board.
92
00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:42,583
Right! The penal colony.
93
00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:54,499
What nonsense.
One digs, the other backfills.
94
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,540
It's pointless!
95
00:05:55,541 --> 00:05:57,915
Exactly. It'd be twice as fast
with a backhoe.
96
00:05:57,916 --> 00:05:58,832
Quiet!
97
00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:00,540
You're not on vacation.
98
00:06:00,541 --> 00:06:02,915
It's called penal colony for a reason.
99
00:06:02,916 --> 00:06:04,000
Dig!
100
00:06:05,958 --> 00:06:07,000
And backfill.
101
00:06:08,583 --> 00:06:10,999
Engineer Tomczyk, why don't we switch?
102
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,957
For variety.
103
00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:14,749
Oh no!
104
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,832
No degrees here, Mr. Białas.
105
00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:20,707
You won't boss me around
like at the Institute.
106
00:06:20,708 --> 00:06:23,957
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, I'll tell you.
107
00:06:23,958 --> 00:06:28,040
Tomczyk, put the results in the table.
Tomczyk, the calculations don't add up.
108
00:06:28,041 --> 00:06:29,790
Tomczyk, do I smell alcohol?
109
00:06:29,791 --> 00:06:32,040
Fuck, I'd rather be shoveling.
110
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:32,957
Exactly.
111
00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:37,082
That's why you'll be a crappy engineer
for the rest of your life.
112
00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:39,040
If you were a docent like me,
113
00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:40,624
you'd have your dignity.
114
00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:42,166
I've had enough!
115
00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:46,165
I beg you, just one more.
116
00:06:46,166 --> 00:06:47,125
Białas,
117
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,791
you've already smoked half my pack.
118
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:52,125
You're lucky I'm quitting.
119
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:56,333
Hold on!
120
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:58,583
I'll smoke too.
121
00:07:03,916 --> 00:07:05,249
Jesus, it stinks.
122
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,540
- Do you know how unhealthy that is?
- One has to die of something.
123
00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:11,582
Although you will probably die
in this penal colony.
124
00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:12,665
Lucky bastards.
125
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:15,207
And I'll fucking struggle with cancer.
126
00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:16,666
For several years.
127
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:24,375
Did you know that my Maciuś
starts school in two years--
128
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,666
Quick, there's no time.
You'll thank me later.
129
00:07:46,208 --> 00:07:48,666
Quick! It's not much further!
130
00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:57,832
Phew, we're here.
131
00:07:57,833 --> 00:08:00,624
Welcome to my humble abode.
132
00:08:00,625 --> 00:08:04,165
Castel Gandalfo.
Gandalf had one just like it.
133
00:08:04,166 --> 00:08:06,374
- What?
- Jesus! The Grey Wizard.
134
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:07,665
The Lord of the Rings?
135
00:08:07,666 --> 00:08:10,082
The best movie in the world? Nothing?
136
00:08:10,083 --> 00:08:11,915
I liked The Hobbit better.
137
00:08:11,916 --> 00:08:14,332
You really are a noob, Marcin.
138
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:15,999
And the Boss is a muggle.
139
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,332
Follow me!
140
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:19,332
And we'll be safe there, right?
141
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,249
No way! Look at it!
142
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:25,915
It's just stairs and a room
with a game console at the end.
143
00:08:25,916 --> 00:08:29,208
But I call FC Barcelona.
144
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,332
Right. Jeez!
145
00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:54,958
If all goes well,
I'll have an elevator installed.
146
00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:00,458
Tot el camp
147
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,041
És un clam
148
00:09:05,541 --> 00:09:07,915
Make yourselves at home.
It'll take a while.
149
00:09:07,916 --> 00:09:11,082
They're already climbing the stairs.
Where's the UFO?
150
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:13,666
On the terrace,
but I told you I can't use it.
151
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,332
What do you think?
152
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:22,208
If I can start my van,
I can start this too.
153
00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:25,832
Fuck, a computer!
154
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,915
- The van has a hand crank.
- Relax.
155
00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:29,832
I took computer science in school.
156
00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:36,083
I might not have been a top student,
but, "On," autopilot, Piaseczno.
157
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,999
I can't believe it!
It worked! We're flying!
158
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:49,665
It's gonna be so boring. Do you know
how long it takes to fly to Earth?
159
00:09:49,666 --> 00:09:52,624
I had a hunch to bring the console.
Wait, I'll plug it in.
160
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,290
But I'm warning you, I'm FC Barcelona.
161
00:09:55,291 --> 00:09:58,291
- Leave it, or you'll break something!
- Hey!
162
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,415
Hold on. What is that?
163
00:10:19,416 --> 00:10:21,415
I don't know. Voice control?
164
00:10:21,416 --> 00:10:23,707
Really? Hey, UFO!
165
00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:25,290
What do you want to do?
166
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,582
Turn on the nabiga... nagiba...
167
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:30,582
- Excuse me?
- Exactly. It's a bit unstable.
168
00:10:30,583 --> 00:10:33,332
Okay. They say travel broadens the mind.
169
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,458
What did we learn on this journey?
170
00:10:37,041 --> 00:10:39,041
- Domino?
- I learned nothing.
171
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:42,457
Exaggeration is never good.
172
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:43,790
Alcohol, for example.
173
00:10:43,791 --> 00:10:47,124
Say, 0.7 of vodka per person
gives you a nice buzz.
174
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:48,665
It's very close to one liter,
175
00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:52,415
but sometimes an additional 200 grams
can tip the scales.
176
00:10:52,416 --> 00:10:54,332
And you piss your pants.
177
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:55,250
Cheers.
178
00:10:57,416 --> 00:10:58,290
{\an8}THE END
179
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,249
{\an8}Exorcist for less than three hundred
180
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:03,332
{\an8}Actually, for two hundred
More if you want an invoice
181
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:06,415
{\an8}Watch out, Beelzebutt
He will kick your butt
182
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:09,666
{\an8}Watch out, Buttcifer
He will get you in his sights
13309
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