Original subtitles

BAD EXORCIST

Thirty years of eighth-grade elementary school.

One hundred years of high school.

Private college done in two years, including a Master's degree retention.

Then 200 years of scientific research. And what?

All of it down the damn drain.

Don't worry, Zygmunt.

Not all the years of academia went here.

Some of it stayed here.

No one can take it away from us.

I got more! Damn, why is it taking so long?

The Catholic control is coming.

Okay, there's no time.

So what exactly do you do here?

Well, it's still just a theory.

So far, our attempts to run the oscillator have not yielded the expected results.

Speak English, man, 'cause I'm losing my patience.

We're exploring the possibility of interdimensional travel.

So tourism. Remove this cross!

Just as I thought.

What's the issue? It's there.

Right. Since yesterday. Where's the dust mark?

The wall's been freshly painted for the visit.

What's fresh is the confirmation you received yesterday.

Didn't you think I'd check your email?

Wait, don't hang it up yet.

It's okay. I thought it was Batman like at the hospital.

I'll be blunt, boys.

If I were mean,

I'd fine you and close this dump.

But since you've made an effort, here's some incentive.

Self-flagellation in front of the penance camera.

Thirty times each. And keep doing what you're doing.

Phew.

I almost forgot. Your wallets.

Fine. The carp scale's in there.

Here it is in a drug baggie.

But we're not the police. Thank you.

Guys, come on. That scale stuff was tricky.

- I knew the names of the apostles. - But he didn't.

Besides Caspar, Melchior, and Barabbas were not the apostles.

We've had so many beautiful moments at the institute.

And I'm not just talking about booze.

There were girls, too!

Fuck it.

Why not? If you get fired, do it with a bang.

Hi.

What do you mean "where"? To the institute.

All of them.

Right? All of them, arriba, caramba!

Oh yeah? How much will it be?

In that case, just one.

I love science!

I love you!

Come sit on Uncle Ziggy's lap.

And I'll bang you then La, la, la

No?

Then I'll come to you.

No touching, buddy.

Oh.

- Hello? - The boss wants you to come back.

But it hasn't been an hour yet.

She said the client won't realize it in their state.

Also, time under the influence counts double.

Okay, gentlemen. Last dance.

So let's heat things up a little.

Does this light up?

Don't touch it, it's an oscillator...

So I guess it does.

Don't bother. It doesn't work.

It's so beautiful.

I said, no touching!

Ziggy, do you see this?

The oscillator works. We did it--

Who would've thought that discovering a new world

would mean ending ours?

Or who would've thought

that the fake confirmations would come in handy so soon?

We're dead!

I told ya.

Marcinek, pick up.

The number you have called is busy. Please, wait...

And what is the double cheese topped with?

Oh, with cheese. And the mushroom one?

Quick, freeze the damn thing with nitrogen!

Never! Two hundred years of research will not been in vain.

The whore has opened my eyes.

The oscillator works!

You just had to press all the buttons at once.

Now the Nobel prize--

Shit, we're done here.

What? No salami with the pepperoni?

Marcinek, start the car!

Fine. Deliver to the address I gave you.

And it just keeps buzzing?

Yes, but earlier, the tentacles came out, took the old man, and did this.

And it was buzzing then?

Jesus, Domino. It doesn't matter if the door squeaks.

What matters is what's behind it.

It doesn't squeak, it buzzes.

God, am I the only one annoyed by this sound?

Are you annoyed?

- Not really. - You're fired.

Domino, the portal!

All right. You, wait!

I can still use you.

But tomorrow, you're gone.

Looks fine.

Go ahead.

It's weird. Everything's so big in here.

Quiet.

Do you smell that?

- Domino! - The exception that proves the rule.

- It wasn't me. - Father Domino!

Watch out!

My deepest apologies!

It slipped out!

I think it's too loose.

I was right. He became useful so quickly.

If the dung beetle is this big here,

I don't want to meet...

Shit, a sparrow! Run!

Karma's coming back to get me!

I used to shoot these bastards with a slingshot in Hell.

We're going to die in here!

Father Domino, can I confess?

Yes! Give me alms, but not less than 50,

and tell me your sins!

Spare me the juicy stuff! I don't want to listen to this filth.

Chirp, chirp, you fuckers!

You're dead. Tweet, tweet!

And then, without asking, I grabbed her by the di--

Fine, you're absolved. Next!

Haha, got you, little bird!

I'm gonna pig out today. Tweet, tweet!

Oh, you! Let's see what you say, when I come back with my friends.

Baldie doesn't ask questions. He just punches you in the face.

And Łuki...

He's totally fucked up!

We made it.

Okay, let's find Boner and get back.

It's not safe here. But where do we look for him?

Maybe this will help?

Follow me!

Where are we?

Good question.

I did some basic research, and it's strange.

The conditions are remarkably stable.

No wind, perfect humidity,

and the sun hasn't changed position for 12 hours.

- That means we're in-- - That's right.

In deep shit.

I don't know what it is,

but it's definitely not normal.

Since we have nothing better to do,

let's take a look around.

What's going on?

Shit. We're...

in a terrarium!

They really are funny.

- Are they plastic? - No, come on! They're real.

Why so sluggish then?

- Are they dead? - Probably hungry.

Wait, I'll give them a cricket.

THE END

Exorcist for less than three hundred

Actually, for two hundred More if you want an invoice

Watch out, Beelzebutt He will kick your butt

Watch out, Buttcifer He will get you in his sights