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1
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,249
BAD EXORCIST
2
00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:16,165
How much?
3
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:19,582
{\an8}As I said, alms for the funeral mass.
4
00:00:19,583 --> 00:00:21,749
{\an8}Usually, it's around 600-800 zloty.
5
00:00:21,750 --> 00:00:25,415
But for 600, heaven's unsecured.
No guarantee of admission.
6
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,332
Oh. So 800?
7
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:28,416
More likely.
8
00:00:29,416 --> 00:00:31,832
And then there's 400 office.
9
00:00:31,833 --> 00:00:34,583
- Excuse me?
- Here's the full price list.
10
00:00:35,333 --> 00:00:36,790
Gravedigger, 300.
11
00:00:36,791 --> 00:00:41,290
Hearse, pit, music, 400-500 zloty.
12
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,540
Is Michael Jackson coming?
13
00:00:43,541 --> 00:00:48,165
Have mercy. I want to bury my grandpa,
not hold Open'er Festival in Bobrowice.
14
00:00:48,166 --> 00:00:50,374
Cheap has been done before, pal.
15
00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:54,582
Pay up or take this jar and condemn
your grandpa to eternal damnation
16
00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:56,666
and wandering till the Last Judgment.
17
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:58,958
Screw this.
18
00:01:00,666 --> 00:01:01,791
Next!
19
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,499
DJ SZWUNG
WEDDINGS, CHRISTENINGS, WAKES
20
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:07,249
Shame, Wacław. Shame!
21
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:09,207
Before the cock crows,
22
00:01:09,208 --> 00:01:12,875
the evil will rise in Bobrowice!
23
00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:19,040
Grandma, how is that graveyard pit
better than our garden?
24
00:01:19,041 --> 00:01:21,582
Grandpa doesn't care. He's been burned.
25
00:01:21,583 --> 00:01:23,582
That's a shame as well.
26
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:28,416
Thus, twice cursed will be
grandfather Wacław, Wacław.
27
00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:33,999
Mom, say something. I hired a DJ.
28
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,040
I don't know, son. A church is a church.
29
00:01:37,041 --> 00:01:39,749
What is it? The funeral hasn't ended yet!
30
00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:42,874
{\an8}Mr. Pępawa, you paid for 15 minutes.
31
00:01:42,875 --> 00:01:46,916
{\an8}And I played one minute longer
out of pity. It's pathetic.
32
00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:55,082
Give me a break. A man tries, pays,
stands in line, and you're still unhappy.
33
00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,166
Screw this.
34
00:01:56,666 --> 00:01:59,915
The one who speaks wicked words
over the grave
35
00:01:59,916 --> 00:02:03,665
will recant them in front of the corpse!
36
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:04,875
Amen.
37
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,207
SUCHT-BLACH
BODY AND PAINT SHOP
38
00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:16,916
SUCHT-BLACH
WE WILL REPAIR YOUR CAR FOR A GOOD PRICE!
39
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:22,082
- Where do I put this Corsa?
- In four.
40
00:02:22,083 --> 00:02:24,582
- But four's taken.
- Then three.
41
00:02:24,583 --> 00:02:27,707
- Three's taken too.
- As are two and one.
42
00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:30,415
Damn it, this is a workshop,
not a junkyard.
43
00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:33,874
They bring in junk,
and I have to work on it for half pay.
44
00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:35,832
Why did I offer special prices?
45
00:02:35,833 --> 00:02:38,415
- Bogdan.
- Aren't you forgetting yourself?
46
00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:40,665
You're the boss when we hunt demons.
47
00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:43,165
Mr. Suchta rules here.
48
00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:48,540
Marcinek, with this attitude, who knows,
you might get promoted in a few years.
49
00:02:48,541 --> 00:02:50,082
From towing to painting.
50
00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:52,749
And you, Boguś,
grab a mop and scrub the floors.
51
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,416
The paint shop must be dustless.
52
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:57,540
Mr. Bogdan, Marcin, why are you here?
53
00:02:57,541 --> 00:03:01,707
I called you a half hour ago
on the Phone of Providence.
54
00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,749
The villages are full of demons.
55
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:07,915
Wait a minute, the kid and the fat guy
are fighting these demons until 7 p.m.
56
00:03:07,916 --> 00:03:12,124
And let me tell you, Domino,
we are much better off than on Earth.
57
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,999
It may not be a dream job,
but it pays well.
58
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:15,999
Like in the UK.
59
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,499
Seriously, guys? What am I gonna do?
60
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:19,999
The villages are fu--
61
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:20,958
Hey!
62
00:03:21,708 --> 00:03:22,541
Suchta.
63
00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:25,583
Yeah.
64
00:03:26,833 --> 00:03:28,333
Yes, at a special price.
65
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:30,458
I'll send someone.
66
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:33,665
Boguś, kid, you're going to Bobrowice.
67
00:03:33,666 --> 00:03:34,750
A3.
68
00:03:48,125 --> 00:03:49,957
I'll go crazy in this village.
69
00:03:49,958 --> 00:03:53,541
Luckily, I brought a little bit
of the city with me.
70
00:03:56,666 --> 00:03:58,500
Shit, I swallowed it.
71
00:03:59,208 --> 00:04:00,916
And the city went to hell.
72
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:05,165
Maybe if I smoke the resin
like the college students do...
73
00:04:05,166 --> 00:04:06,333
Like a poor man.
74
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:11,999
I hope it's a mole for two reasons.
75
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,332
First, I'll die laughing being high.
76
00:04:14,333 --> 00:04:16,916
And second, I won't shit myself.
77
00:04:32,416 --> 00:04:35,165
It is a mole!
I will shit myself after all.
78
00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:37,125
But of laughter, not fear.
79
00:04:39,166 --> 00:04:40,208
Go away!
80
00:04:45,458 --> 00:04:48,332
He's so ugly. Almost like Grandpa Wacław.
81
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:49,708
But less stinky.
82
00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:51,666
Okay.
83
00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:00,999
Grandma?
84
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,457
Shit, that nosy old lady caught me.
85
00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:06,499
She and Mom will nag me
about what I did in college
86
00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:07,957
and tell me to get a job.
87
00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:11,165
"Being a YouTuber is not a job."
Tell that to Paweł Jumper!
88
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:14,249
Look, Grandma, it's just a herbal inhaler,
89
00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:15,749
a sleep aid.
90
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,624
You should try it...
91
00:05:17,625 --> 00:05:18,583
Grandma?
92
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:31,332
Inhaler, for fuck's sake!
93
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:36,624
You reek of ganja like a bus to Kostrzyn,
so don't give me this bullshit!
94
00:05:36,625 --> 00:05:38,874
Weed is for children!
95
00:05:38,875 --> 00:05:41,874
We hippies were pumping heroin
into our veins!
96
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:42,791
Shame on you!
97
00:05:48,833 --> 00:05:52,207
Mom, grandma seems
to have overdosed on drugs again!
98
00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:54,040
You hear me? She's gone wild!
99
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:56,999
Maybe not as bad as last time,
but it's bad.
100
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,166
Mom!
101
00:05:58,791 --> 00:05:59,625
Mom?
102
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:10,415
Are you crazy?
103
00:06:10,416 --> 00:06:13,583
Come on, Bogdan! It's almost there!
104
00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:23,916
Ooh la la.
105
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,874
That's it. It's the gearbox.
106
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,332
For the love of God,
107
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:31,915
what kind of roadside assistance
needs assistance itself?
108
00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:33,999
Had I known, I would've called a cab
109
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,374
and left that junk in the field
where it belongs.
110
00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:38,332
So much for the Iguano gig.
111
00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,082
Four hours in a ditch like a prole.
112
00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:42,915
Excuse me, we got here in 40 minutes.
113
00:06:42,916 --> 00:06:44,707
Really? It helped me a lot
114
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,665
that you've been spinning
in the mud for over three hours.
115
00:06:47,666 --> 00:06:49,249
How do I get back home?
116
00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:50,332
I've got an idea.
117
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:54,582
We will start your car
and tow the truck with it.
118
00:06:54,583 --> 00:06:57,666
Relax, I know what I'm doing.
119
00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:04,624
Mom, Grandma, calm down!
120
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,500
Or give me what you had.
121
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:12,249
Damned dementia.
Where did I hide the heroin?
122
00:07:12,250 --> 00:07:14,000
Tell me, you bastard!
123
00:07:15,458 --> 00:07:18,915
Okay, I get it.
Tomorrow I'll start looking for a job.
124
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:22,040
Not tomorrow! Today!
125
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,000
And not for a job but for a coffin!
126
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:29,249
Peace to this household!
127
00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:32,999
Hands up, or get your asses back to Hell!
128
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,165
You put your hands up your ass!
129
00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:38,874
Oh yeah?
Then taste my Aspergillum of Providence!
130
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,416
Shit, it's not charged.
131
00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:41,958
Amen.
132
00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:46,415
You cunning Judas!
133
00:07:46,416 --> 00:07:48,415
To the basement, quickly!
134
00:07:48,416 --> 00:07:50,791
That's right! In the basement!
135
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,499
Oh no, I'm not a junkie.
136
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,624
I've been a good boy all my life.
137
00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:09,374
I only drink alcohol socially on weekends.
138
00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:11,540
And I torture myself with a vegan diet
139
00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:14,207
because I want to live past 60,
unlike my dad and grandpa.
140
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:15,332
May they rest in peace.
141
00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:19,166
Talk all you want, loser.
And here goes the golden shot.
142
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:23,541
My Harley, this is it
143
00:08:24,666 --> 00:08:26,707
Fuck, what human trash.
144
00:08:26,708 --> 00:08:28,957
I hope I didn't pick up anything.
145
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:32,665
I'll do a battery of tests
in cosmic hell along with colano...
146
00:08:32,666 --> 00:08:35,625
Collarcosco...
The one with the scope up my ass.
147
00:08:37,916 --> 00:08:39,790
One is out.
148
00:08:39,791 --> 00:08:41,374
Shit, what was that?
149
00:08:41,375 --> 00:08:43,999
I'm sure it can be logically explained.
150
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,750
Then explain this!
151
00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:53,416
I drank 0.7l of vodka myself,
and I'm still standing!
152
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,666
What happened?
153
00:09:04,416 --> 00:09:07,207
What happened? The curse is lifted!
154
00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:10,915
Now just bury your grandpa properly,
on consecrated ground,
155
00:09:10,916 --> 00:09:12,624
at your expense, of course,
156
00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:13,790
and it's done!
157
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:16,207
We'll settle the bill before the ceremony.
158
00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:19,915
He begrudged a few hundred for the burial,
and now we won't close in a thousand.
159
00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:21,000
How much?
160
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,582
Even after death
I have to do everything myself!
161
00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:33,083
I'll start by burning the house
with a cursed flame!
162
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,415
Shit, run!
163
00:09:36,416 --> 00:09:37,791
Where are you going?
164
00:09:38,666 --> 00:09:40,874
- Grandpa.
- Now it's "Grandpa."
165
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:43,582
While few hours ago,
it was "an old geezer"!
166
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,332
You wanted to bury
your grandpa like a dog.
167
00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:47,832
What have I done to you
168
00:09:47,833 --> 00:09:50,499
that you condemn me to eternal damnation?
169
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,999
What damnation?
170
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,249
- What demons? This is all bullshit!
- He sees, yet he doesn't believe.
171
00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:59,082
This demon will kill you
in a minute and what?
172
00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:01,249
You won't die because you won't believe?
173
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:04,249
- God willing.
- God won't help you here!
174
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:07,166
And the curse bursts the cesspool!
175
00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:11,749
Oh, so shit doesn't burn. My bad!
176
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:13,915
Well, while waiting for it to dry...
177
00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:15,915
oral torture!
178
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:19,082
One thousand and one jokes
about the head shepherd!
179
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:20,499
I know them by heart!
180
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:23,915
A shepherd comes to a brothel
and pulls out his dick.
181
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,249
It's very small.
182
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,040
Wiping away tears,
the kindergarten teacher says,
183
00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:29,665
"Wrong address, sir."
184
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:32,165
And the shepherd says, "Damn it, hey!"
185
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:35,665
Grandpa, have mercy,
I can't take it anymore.
186
00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:36,915
Kill us!
187
00:10:36,916 --> 00:10:40,749
Two shepherds are measuring
each other's male parts.
188
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:42,749
They're giant!
189
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:46,624
Excuse me, do you have
a fire extinguisher I could borrow?
190
00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:47,790
Oh shit.
191
00:10:47,791 --> 00:10:49,250
Marcinek!
192
00:10:51,416 --> 00:10:53,333
A stranger in the farmyard?
193
00:11:00,208 --> 00:11:01,583
You...
194
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,290
Thank you.
195
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:11,415
You're welcome. 200 zlotys.
No invoice, otherwise it's not worth it.
196
00:11:11,416 --> 00:11:12,915
Bogdan, what about me?
197
00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:15,415
Shit, Domino? What are you doing here?
198
00:11:15,416 --> 00:11:18,165
What you should be but aren't doing!
199
00:11:18,166 --> 00:11:20,999
Do something about this evil force!
200
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,957
Well, there's no point returning
to Mr. Suchta with this truck.
201
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:28,165
Marcinek, leave that bucket
and find some pitchforks!
202
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:30,749
But the truck is already on fire.
203
00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:33,165
Fuck, what are you doing, people?
204
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:35,082
Marcinek, pitchforks!
205
00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:37,040
There's no time, Boss.
206
00:11:37,041 --> 00:11:40,166
I know, and I hope
Father Domino figures it out.
207
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:46,583
Fools! You will all die here!
208
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:52,832
Marcin, this water,
though dirty, will not harm him.
209
00:11:52,833 --> 00:11:54,207
It'd have to be...
210
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:56,333
Oh, right! Amen!
211
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:03,166
You sneaky bastard.
212
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:10,791
It's like in that joke about the shepherd
with three balls instead of a dick!
213
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,457
It can be explained logically, after all.
214
00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:18,832
- When in fear, God is dear.
- Amen.
215
00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:23,415
Okay, cash or credit? But I'm warning you,
I don't have the Terminal of Providence.
216
00:12:23,416 --> 00:12:24,665
Cash.
217
00:12:24,666 --> 00:12:27,083
How do I prevent it from happening again?
218
00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:32,749
{\an8}It's all right.
219
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,332
{\an8}Was it worth it?
220
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:35,374
{\an8}THE END
221
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:37,290
{\an8}Exorcist for less than three hundred
222
00:12:37,291 --> 00:12:40,540
{\an8}Actually, for two hundred
More if you want an invoice
223
00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:43,415
{\an8}Watch out, Beelzebutt
He will kick your butt
224
00:12:43,416 --> 00:12:46,750
{\an8}Watch out, Buttcifer
He will get you in his sights
16515
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