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1
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BAD EXORCIST
2
00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:23,332
{\an8}Marcinek, you moron. Do you know
how many years I've been in this business?
3
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:25,332
- No.
- Exactly.
4
00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:26,540
I don't know either.
5
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:30,290
But I know it's been long.
6
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:33,499
And you're not the first moron to help me.
7
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,915
- I know. There's Domino.
- Domino's an idiot.
8
00:00:36,916 --> 00:00:38,874
- Isn't that the same thing?
- No.
9
00:00:38,875 --> 00:00:43,166
There is a subtle difference
between these virtues.
10
00:00:43,791 --> 00:00:47,416
- But a moron like you wouldn't get it.
- Thank you.
11
00:00:48,166 --> 00:00:49,541
Exactly.
12
00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:53,000
There used to be another Marcinek.
13
00:00:59,750 --> 00:01:01,083
WE DON'T SERVE THESE PEOPLE
14
00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:22,124
Why so glum?
15
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:25,166
Band! Play "Green Eyes I've gone Crazy."
16
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,833
Half a liter for me, and for my fiancée...
17
00:01:31,708 --> 00:01:33,041
Where's that whore?
18
00:01:33,666 --> 00:01:37,457
It was a good call not to pay upfront.
19
00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:38,415
We're closed.
20
00:01:38,416 --> 00:01:42,166
No you're not. It's five to on my watch.
Right, buddy?
21
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:50,000
Half a liter for me and my new friend.
22
00:01:51,166 --> 00:01:52,166
Boss.
23
00:01:53,166 --> 00:01:56,083
{\an8}Now we're talking. Band, play!
24
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:03,000
{\an8}- Bogdan.
- Bogdan's fine.
25
00:02:17,708 --> 00:02:20,040
Okay, now something in English.
26
00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:21,416
I gotta take a leak.
27
00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:26,915
Boss, what are you doing?
28
00:02:26,916 --> 00:02:31,124
{\an8}Marcinek, you moron,
you don't upset the underdrinker.
29
00:02:31,125 --> 00:02:34,665
{\an8}It's a powerful demon
that looks like a man,
30
00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:35,915
{\an8}even a female,
31
00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:39,332
{\an8}but in a rage, it changes
beyond recognition.
32
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,665
{\an8}He's like this guy... Dr. Alban.
33
00:02:41,666 --> 00:02:43,082
You mean Dr. Jekyll?
34
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:46,124
{\an8}Exactly. And Mr. President.
35
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:49,374
{\an8}This is what we'll do.
We'll drink a bit more,
36
00:02:49,375 --> 00:02:53,415
{\an8}and I'll try to convince him
to buy another round.
37
00:02:53,416 --> 00:02:57,332
You were supposed to get rid of the demon,
not bring in another underdrinker.
38
00:02:57,333 --> 00:03:01,083
Chill, Boss. I'm gonna get him wasted.
39
00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:06,874
At that point I passed out,
and I don't remember anything,
40
00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:11,832
but I learned everything
from "The Doom of Piaseczno" crime column.
41
00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:16,915
A 50-year-old resident of Jazgarzew
tried to plow his field using his mother.
42
00:03:16,916 --> 00:03:21,082
Unfortunately, he came across
an unexploded New Year's Eve firework.
43
00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:24,874
The man lost his eye,
and his mother lost her patience.
44
00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:27,249
I said, "No fireworks in the field."
45
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,707
We'd have a horse, and you'd have an eye.
46
00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:31,790
Just like his father, God rest his soul.
47
00:03:31,791 --> 00:03:34,999
I hope he doesn't haunt us.
That's the last thing we need.
48
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,333
{\an8}Oh, pardon. Wrong article.
49
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:44,083
What is it? You're supposed
to be playing disco polo!
50
00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:47,790
Cops?
51
00:03:47,791 --> 00:03:50,708
Madness!
52
00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:53,832
Now I'm thirsty!
53
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:56,665
Bartender, get the open bar ready.
54
00:03:56,666 --> 00:03:59,290
Marcinek took matters into his own hands
55
00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:02,416
and went after the underdrinker,
trumpet in hand.
56
00:04:03,916 --> 00:04:07,874
And even though he played
the most beautiful tune he knew,
57
00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:08,791
"Sto lat..."
58
00:04:11,666 --> 00:04:16,958
the music didn't touch the soul
because Marcinek sucked at it.
59
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:23,957
Once again, no one remembers my birthday!
60
00:04:23,958 --> 00:04:25,541
It's not today!
61
00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:34,957
One fucking time.
62
00:04:34,958 --> 00:04:38,332
Just once a day
a man wants a proper drink, but no!
63
00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:41,749
It's always something.
If not hiccups, then no funds.
64
00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:44,582
I didn't pawn my wedding ring
65
00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:47,250
to not party all night.
66
00:04:47,791 --> 00:04:50,749
Bartender, fill me up.
67
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,999
How about two shots?
68
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,125
Two shots?
69
00:04:54,666 --> 00:04:56,750
So I need meat jelly, bartender!
70
00:05:00,416 --> 00:05:02,958
Now I'm really pissed.
71
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:17,207
When the underdrinker finally got drunk
and passed out,
72
00:05:17,208 --> 00:05:19,832
he turned back into a man.
73
00:05:19,833 --> 00:05:22,749
The police didn't believe the demon story,
74
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,832
and I was a shitty witness.
75
00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:28,832
Therefore, the customer got eight years
76
00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:31,125
for manslaughter in self-defense.
77
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:37,082
Eight years ago today.
78
00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:40,957
And I know very well
where the underdrinker will go first
79
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:42,790
after leaving prison.
80
00:05:42,791 --> 00:05:46,999
Can't he turn into a demon
in prison to escape?
81
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,624
Hey, Marcinek.
You've obviously never been in prison.
82
00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:52,333
You can't drink there.
83
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,999
Oh no, not this time.
Besides, we're closing soon.
84
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,874
Chill, Boss.
85
00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:14,832
I came to settle some accounts.
86
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,999
Oh yeah? Let's start with your tab.
87
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,416
You went pretty wild back then.
88
00:06:21,833 --> 00:06:23,166
Shit.
89
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,665
Chill, man. Fine, we're even.
90
00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:29,499
Quiet! He'll be here soon.
91
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,832
- Who?
- The underdrinker.
92
00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:35,749
Man, he got out about four years ago
for good behavior.
93
00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:36,665
What?
94
00:06:36,666 --> 00:06:39,999
So you didn't call this morning
to remind me about this case?
95
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,499
Are you an idiot, you moron?
96
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:45,124
You won't get
the subtle difference anyway.
97
00:06:45,125 --> 00:06:46,500
I told you, we're closing.
98
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,916
Over my dead body.
99
00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:52,832
Now you're gonna pay me for everything!
100
00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:54,915
- Marcinek?
- Marcinek. Fuck.
101
00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:58,040
I worked for you for three years,
and you can't remember?
102
00:06:58,041 --> 00:06:59,665
My name is Grzegorz.
103
00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:02,165
Oh, then nothing has changed. I am Kamil.
104
00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:05,083
Shut up, Marcinek.
Can't you see what's going on?
105
00:07:08,916 --> 00:07:11,415
An exorcist should know better.
106
00:07:11,416 --> 00:07:13,499
Lead bullets for a ghost?
107
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,540
Besides, you missed.
108
00:07:15,541 --> 00:07:18,500
Band, play dramatic music!
109
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:27,082
Shit, he's playing the pipe like a devil.
110
00:07:27,083 --> 00:07:29,250
Where did you learn that, pal?
111
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,500
As a boy, I used to play first fiddle
on the flute during the nativity plays.
112
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:44,416
STEFAN BORUTA ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
113
00:08:12,166 --> 00:08:14,165
I fucking dig this tune.
114
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:17,082
Too bad we have to leave this place.
115
00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:20,333
- To go where?
- To the afterworld.
116
00:08:21,916 --> 00:08:23,415
Shit, he outsmarted me.
117
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:25,957
He may be a ghost, but his gun is real.
118
00:08:25,958 --> 00:08:28,583
Fucking run!
119
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:37,000
The door was open!
120
00:08:37,708 --> 00:08:39,000
Excuse me.
121
00:08:47,666 --> 00:08:51,415
Marcinek, put the gun down,
and let's talk!
122
00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:54,166
We have nothing more to talk about.
123
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,665
I used to visit your grave,
124
00:08:56,666 --> 00:09:00,124
bring you flowers,
and even ordered a Mass.
125
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:03,540
You think we can't see
what's happening on Earth in Heaven?
126
00:09:03,541 --> 00:09:05,874
You didn't even come to the funeral,
127
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:08,499
and let me remind you,
I died because of you.
128
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,832
Because of your drinking!
129
00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:13,374
I'm not saying you should wash my grave,
130
00:09:13,375 --> 00:09:15,666
but couldn't you come and visit?
131
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,458
I know!
132
00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:27,083
Which one is it?
133
00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:29,708
I did not see this coming.
134
00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:34,249
- What now?
- I'll improvise!
135
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:37,790
- How?
- I'll put flowers on a random grave.
136
00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:40,665
And let's pray it's his.
137
00:09:40,666 --> 00:09:43,374
Wouldn't it be better to ask that guy?
138
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,333
Come on!
139
00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:50,624
Eh, Grzechu. It's been eight years.
140
00:09:50,625 --> 00:09:55,540
Although for me, it's been 12
because time served counts double.
141
00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:58,249
Time without booze counts double.
142
00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:01,708
But you know what, Grześ? I'm catching up.
143
00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:05,124
It's spirit.
144
00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:08,041
- Sir!
- Shit, it's the janitor again!
145
00:10:10,583 --> 00:10:13,082
- Wait, wasn't that--
- That's right!
146
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:16,499
Even my murderer visits me
because he feels guilty,
147
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,249
and my ex-boss doesn't know
where my grave is.
148
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:24,165
You cried more when the shocks
on your van broke than when I died.
149
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:27,416
Don't even remind me.
200 zlotys down the drain.
150
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:32,332
Marcinek, now!
151
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:33,332
What?
152
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,833
Take the big one and put it at his feet.
153
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:37,832
What now?
154
00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:40,750
Now, shut up and stand silent for a while.
155
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:50,165
No!
156
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,499
Oh, come on.
157
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:55,790
You're lucky that Heaven's law
only allows killing in anger.
158
00:10:55,791 --> 00:10:57,165
And I just got over it.
159
00:10:57,166 --> 00:11:00,415
Thank you for the flowers.
Beautiful. And what a big candle.
160
00:11:00,416 --> 00:11:04,000
I wish I could've seen it burn.
But I can tell it's decent.
161
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,040
Did I miss anything?
I got a little tired of that run-walk.
162
00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:09,665
But I saw a bus stop.
163
00:11:09,666 --> 00:11:12,332
The schedule said
night bus left 10 minutes ago.
164
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:15,915
But they're always late. And I was right.
165
00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:18,249
I waited 15 minutes, and it arrived.
166
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:19,332
Domino, you mor...
167
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,582
I'm sorry, you idiot. Play something sad.
168
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:25,249
The only sad song I know
is "Bitch, see what you've done."
169
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,666
- So I don't know.
- It'll do.
170
00:11:33,583 --> 00:11:36,124
I forgive you, Boss.
171
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:40,082
I was going to die anyway.
If not now, then in 50 years.
172
00:11:40,083 --> 00:11:42,415
Besides, Heaven isn't so bad.
173
00:11:42,416 --> 00:11:44,915
Well, it's time for me to go.
174
00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:46,874
Visit me on All Saints' Day.
175
00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:50,874
When these old hags leave,
we have a party like you can't imagine.
176
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:53,374
Just watch out for the janitor
because he's after us.
177
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:56,291
- A stickler?
- No, just an underdrinker.
178
00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:02,124
{\an8}THE END
179
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:04,082
{\an8}Exorcist for less than three hundred
180
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:07,332
{\an8}Actually, for two hundred
More if you want an invoice
181
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:10,290
{\an8}Watch out, Beelzebutt
He will kick your butt
182
00:12:10,291 --> 00:12:13,458
{\an8}Watch out, Buttcifer
He will get you in his sights
13933
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