Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,250
BAD EXORCIST
2
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:21,083
{\an8}1410 RECIPES BY SISTER LEOKADIA
3
00:00:23,375 --> 00:00:25,665
You really are a tool, Wiktor.
4
00:00:25,666 --> 00:00:30,415
Not only is waste collection point free,
it's twice as close as these woods.
5
00:00:30,416 --> 00:00:34,415
My grandfather used to
dump trash in the woods.
6
00:00:34,416 --> 00:00:35,332
Seriously?
7
00:00:35,333 --> 00:00:39,749
My father used to dump trash in the woods.
8
00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,499
- Wiktor--
- And my son--
9
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,832
I'm your son-in-law, not your son.
10
00:00:43,833 --> 00:00:48,082
I may call you "Dad" in front of Basia,
but I won't dump trash in the woods.
11
00:00:48,083 --> 00:00:51,124
Roman, I will not be around forever.
12
00:00:51,125 --> 00:00:54,000
Just promise me one thing.
13
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:01,249
That was close.
14
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,582
What a clunker.
15
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,916
Please tell me you have a spare wheel.
16
00:01:07,958 --> 00:01:09,333
But I have a jack.
17
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:11,749
There you go.
18
00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:12,916
Out of fuel.
19
00:01:19,458 --> 00:01:22,415
Gentlemen, please let me in.
20
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,707
Or at least let me hide in the trash.
21
00:01:25,708 --> 00:01:26,750
I'll pay you--
22
00:01:31,583 --> 00:01:32,915
Priest Natan
23
00:01:32,916 --> 00:01:34,915
All fear him, even
24
00:01:34,916 --> 00:01:36,583
Satan!
25
00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:39,082
Ouch!
26
00:01:39,083 --> 00:01:43,458
This crucifix whip is effective,
but in the wrong hands...
27
00:01:45,291 --> 00:01:46,750
Archbishop?
28
00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:48,458
Yes.
29
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:49,833
Yes.
30
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:52,083
I'll be there in a minute.
31
00:01:54,833 --> 00:01:55,916
I'm here.
32
00:01:56,791 --> 00:01:58,249
Isn't it too early for alcohol?
33
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:01,582
Don't look at me.
It's four hours until the first Mass.
34
00:02:01,583 --> 00:02:02,541
Oh no.
35
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,665
Archbishop, what is this bum doing here?
36
00:02:06,666 --> 00:02:08,707
Natan...
37
00:02:08,708 --> 00:02:12,332
Do you know how many liquor stores
would be closed if it weren't for me?
38
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,332
I'm a hero in some circles.
39
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:16,082
To me, you'll always be a zero.
40
00:02:16,083 --> 00:02:18,999
Zero is what your dad was thinking
when he didn't use a condom.
41
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,000
You...!
42
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,749
Enough!
43
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,665
Put away the crucifix whip.
It's not a toy.
44
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,415
In the wrong hands...
45
00:02:26,416 --> 00:02:27,457
Anyway, never mind.
46
00:02:27,458 --> 00:02:30,750
Are you familiar with this reading?
47
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,082
The Bible?
48
00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:37,415
Then no. Too thick.
49
00:02:37,416 --> 00:02:40,040
You idiot, it's a sacred book.
50
00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:42,832
Written in code. Sister had a vision.
51
00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:47,207
There is a prophecy hidden between
the cabbage rolls and the brownie.
52
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:51,082
Sister was a real piece of work,
so the prophecy is bawdy.
53
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,999
Archbishop, please.
54
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,583
Oh, right. I grant you a dispensation.
55
00:02:56,250 --> 00:02:59,665
One kilogram of boneless
pork shoulder mince.
56
00:02:59,666 --> 00:03:02,582
And he spun her like the devil!
57
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,165
Because he was the devil.
58
00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:06,665
One finely diced onion.
59
00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:10,582
Rear entry, front entry.
Reverse missionary.
60
00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,749
Allspice, bay leaf.
61
00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:15,665
And even though it was supposed
to be a drunken adventure...
62
00:03:15,666 --> 00:03:17,249
Pour in water or broth.
63
00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,833
...she became pregnant with the devil.
64
00:03:20,916 --> 00:03:23,665
Add some salt and two tablespoons of oil.
65
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:24,832
The end.
66
00:03:24,833 --> 00:03:26,082
But Archbishop,
67
00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:29,165
that's just a juicy story for seminarians
68
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:32,332
for long, lonely evenings,
since there's no Internet in the seminary.
69
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,416
That's why you know it by heart.
70
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:36,832
Every priest knows it.
71
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:39,915
That's why the confessional priest
of the Słupki parish
72
00:03:39,916 --> 00:03:43,166
immediately called the yellow phone.
73
00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:47,374
Even if it's true,
74
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:50,249
I'm not working with this simp.
75
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:51,166
You won't have to.
76
00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,416
{\an8}What a shame.
77
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:57,916
What a shame.
78
00:03:58,833 --> 00:04:02,499
They're gonna break our window
with dung, and they'll be in the right.
79
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,415
Danka.
80
00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:05,582
Danka, try to remember this fella,
81
00:04:05,583 --> 00:04:07,665
and you'll be married in a month.
82
00:04:07,666 --> 00:04:10,499
Who was the clever one
to get you knocked up? Oślica?
83
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,332
I don't think so.
84
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,082
Then who? Zbuk?
85
00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:15,040
Zbuk!
86
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:17,915
And I showed him how to sow carrots.
87
00:04:17,916 --> 00:04:19,915
Not to plant, but to sow.
88
00:04:19,916 --> 00:04:22,665
Dad, how can it be Zbuk? He's in prison.
89
00:04:22,666 --> 00:04:27,082
This is how discos end.
Disco polo, booze, and pregnant belly!
90
00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:28,582
What are you talking about?
91
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:31,457
I know what I'm talking about.
How do you think we made you?
92
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:35,749
The guy from Milano sang so beautifully
that your mom went with just about anyone.
93
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:38,082
But I had my pride!
94
00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:40,499
The next day, I came shaved and washed,
95
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,124
and asked old Baciura for permission.
96
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:44,291
And now?
97
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:48,790
The fiancé's there, he just left!
Besides, Danusia isn't pregnant.
98
00:04:48,791 --> 00:04:51,583
She's just fat.
That's right, we can afford it.
99
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:55,500
- Father?
- Does Danuta Bączek live here?
100
00:04:56,083 --> 00:04:58,332
OMEN DISCO
101
00:04:58,333 --> 00:05:02,082
Omen Disco?
Boss, it's closed during the day.
102
00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:04,165
For a nip go to the store.
103
00:05:04,166 --> 00:05:06,457
You heard, Domino? Go to the store.
104
00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:07,375
Yes, sir.
105
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,124
It's good that Domino's back.
106
00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:13,750
- That was rough, huh?
- Don't even remind me.
107
00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:18,999
In the countryside,
children are only conceived in discos.
108
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,165
If the girl got pregnant,
109
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:25,707
it must have happened in the loo
or in this parking lot.
110
00:05:25,708 --> 00:05:28,415
This is where we'll set up our ambush.
111
00:05:28,416 --> 00:05:29,541
Get undressed.
112
00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:35,082
So you're saying it's not a guy,
but the devil himself, Father?
113
00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:38,165
- That's right.
- Got the envelope, buddy?
114
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:40,332
Then why are you talking nonsense?
115
00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:44,957
Oh! It's your baby,
you wolf in sheep's clothing.
116
00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:47,749
How else would you know that?
This is what we're gonna do.
117
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:50,665
Take off your collar, and tomorrow
we'll publish the announcement.
118
00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:53,290
I'm surprised, though.
Such a handsome boy.
119
00:05:53,291 --> 00:05:54,749
You could do better.
120
00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:56,333
Danusia, I found him!
121
00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:57,750
Do you hear me?
122
00:05:58,250 --> 00:05:59,249
Danka!
123
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:01,999
Holy moly, Danusia's waters just broke.
124
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,249
What? But there's still time.
125
00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:06,416
Devils do it faster.
126
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:15,999
Just one crumb...
127
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,415
Relax, I'll eat it off the floor too.
128
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:21,999
Boss, isn't there another way?
I'm a little embarrassed.
129
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,915
Two men tried to drag me to the loo
and one to the dance floor.
130
00:06:24,916 --> 00:06:28,790
That's the point! It's good.
That's how it's supposed to be.
131
00:06:28,791 --> 00:06:32,083
No, thanks.
Sorry, I'm waiting for someone.
132
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,290
Damn, I'm cold in this dress.
133
00:06:37,291 --> 00:06:41,083
But that's nothing compared
to how much these heels hurt.
134
00:06:44,833 --> 00:06:47,499
Boss, something's going on outside.
135
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,124
This could be it.
136
00:06:49,125 --> 00:06:54,415
Marcinek, under no circumstances
should you not get into this car.
137
00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:57,415
But how, Boss?
Can't you see the competition here?
138
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,165
And they're real girls.
139
00:06:59,166 --> 00:07:01,624
Come on, Marcinek, don't be so modest.
140
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:02,750
Over and out!
141
00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:08,000
I'm really sorry.
142
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:10,875
You'll thank me someday.
143
00:07:11,416 --> 00:07:13,999
Hi. Nice car.
144
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,165
Oh, a girl with initiative.
145
00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:18,250
Would you like a ride?
146
00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:21,415
{\an8}I can see the head.
147
00:07:21,416 --> 00:07:24,124
Just as I thought, a horned bastard.
148
00:07:24,125 --> 00:07:25,915
And how ugly!
149
00:07:25,916 --> 00:07:29,083
Quickly, Mr. Bączek, start the buzz saw!
150
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,999
Mr. Bączek, hurry up!
151
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,332
- Jesus!
- The coffin's ready.
152
00:07:40,333 --> 00:07:42,207
- What now?
- The hardest part.
153
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:46,041
We have to put it in there
and detonate the charge.
154
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:48,583
Oh no...
155
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:52,915
I told you not to go that far.
156
00:07:52,916 --> 00:07:57,165
Let them look!
You have tinted windows anyway!
157
00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:58,499
I'm embarrassed!
158
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,874
It may sound silly on a first date,
159
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:02,665
but I have a small dick.
160
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:04,999
But the size doesn't matter.
161
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,915
Trust me, it does.
162
00:08:06,916 --> 00:08:09,625
Watch out. Now push me forward!
163
00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:17,833
It's not gonna work.
I have to call Bączek for a tractor.
164
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,415
Done. He's dead.
165
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,666
Thank God the baby survived.
166
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,416
Hello?
167
00:08:25,666 --> 00:08:26,749
No can do.
168
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:29,249
- Who's that?
- Oślica. He's stuck again.
169
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:33,250
Now it's "Mr. Bączek," and yesterday
he almost broke our windows with manure.
170
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,249
Fucking Bączek.
The whole family deserves each other.
171
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:40,832
A pregnant teenage daughter
with no baby daddy in sight.
172
00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:42,707
What a damn shame.
173
00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:45,915
Shit, I hope it's not mine.
No, I'm sure it's not.
174
00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:48,874
Who believes the erotic fantasies
of an old nun?
175
00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:51,165
This book is sold at the post office.
176
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:54,082
Speaking of which,
will you handle my male parts?
177
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:58,665
Marcinek, now!
178
00:08:58,666 --> 00:09:02,540
Sorry, Boss. I won't go that far.
179
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:04,165
Now it's your turn.
180
00:09:04,166 --> 00:09:05,750
Oh well.
181
00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:09,000
An ambush?
182
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:15,583
Boss, he got me!
183
00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:19,374
That's the original paint!
184
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:20,625
I'm gonna kill you!
185
00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:26,000
Marcinek, now!
186
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,500
I'm going to hell for this.
187
00:09:31,666 --> 00:09:34,749
Oh, so it's that small. Are you ill?
188
00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,500
No. I was born like this.
189
00:09:41,291 --> 00:09:43,582
I've seen pussies bigger than this.
190
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,333
Yeah, like you've seen a pussy. Look!
191
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,083
Oh no!
192
00:09:50,250 --> 00:09:52,416
What a shame!
193
00:09:56,666 --> 00:09:58,249
He burned with shame.
194
00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,333
Let's go back, or I'll burn too.
195
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,915
No need, Mr. Bączek.
196
00:10:03,916 --> 00:10:07,874
I took the first one instinctively,
but if I really wanted to charge you,
197
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,082
even your inheritance wouldn't be enough.
198
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:11,582
Never mind, God bless.
199
00:10:11,583 --> 00:10:12,832
Wait, Father.
200
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:17,582
We are poor, so let us at least
return the favor in this way.
201
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:20,666
Cabbage rolls.
You don't have these in the city.
202
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:26,540
{\an8}THE END
203
00:10:26,541 --> 00:10:28,499
{\an8}Exorcist for less than three hundred
204
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,832
{\an8}Actually, for two hundred
More if you want an invoice
205
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:34,665
{\an8}Watch out, Beelzebutt
He will kick your butt
206
00:10:34,666 --> 00:10:37,875
{\an8}Watch out, Buttcifer
He will get you in his sights
14887
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof