Original subtitles

Let's go, everybody!

Picture time!

Come on!

Do you mind if I stay in bed while you get

the kids off to school?

I do.

You do want to let me do that?

I don't. You don't want me to help you?

I was reading one of Lenny's 15 1⁄2 magazines, and I took the Don't Be a

stress test, and apparently I am super stressed, which is like the most

you can be.

Let's go, let's go.

It also says, in order to reduce my stress, I should have a stress vaccine.

the person who has low stress that I can model my behavior after. Good luck

finding that in this house.

calm in the middle of this storm.

The mind is just like water. When it's turbulent, it's difficult to see. When

it's calm, it becomes clear.

I think I found my trespassing.

And that's when my team made it to the final game. Yeah!

And just as time expired, I score the winning goal, and we are world

Yeah! Which none of you will ever be. Yeah! And I know this may sound harsh.

Wait, what?

That's why I'm here today, to prepare you guys for your futures, because none

you will ever make it in professional soccer.

As a matter of fact, we could fill this gym with two million more kids.

You know how many of those kids will make it to the pinnacle of my sport?

None. None.

Because I'm here.

And that's the odds.

One in two million.

So, make sure you have a backup plan.

Study hard.

There's nothing more important than an education.

I've been Alexa Jordan, and you've been great.

I'll be by the door signing autographs.

You're welcome.

You're never going to make it.

All right. What's your name?

Lynn. You want that before or after you're never going to make it?

Before, I guess. You got it.

Enjoy.

The man who speaks the fewest words slips to tell the longest tale.

Thank you for taking me under your wing.

Is that my good sea salt? Okay, we're done.

You know what? It's fine.

So how do I become more like you?

A tree grows without anyone watering it.

The universe will take care of itself.

You must say without saying and do without doing.

Charles just barked all over the kitchen. Can somebody take care of that

When I'm looking at you.

I will do it. Thank you.

By not doing it.

What now?

The universe will provide.

That is some negative energy.

Agreed. No, maybe we should do this somewhere else.

Here.

Should we clean up the salt? The universe will take care of it.

Perfect.

Oh, marshmallows.

At least chew them, Charles.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

What? All these years, I've been saying I'm going to be a professional soccer

player, and you've been supporting me. Real nice.

What are you talking about?

You know what the odds are of me making it? It's like one in two million.

And that's if Alexa Jordan's not in the room.

I support you because I believe in you, and I know you can achieve your dreams.

That's easier for you to say.

You're living your dream.

Can you believe that assembly today?

I can go to school.

Nobody woke me up. Having 11 kids is stressful, but I've got my eye on every

of you like a hawk. Hey, Link, how was school?

I didn't know that he wasn't multiplying. Alexa, Jordan signed your

You're never going to make it?

What does that mean?

Apparently, the chances of me becoming a pro athlete are like vilge. Same thing

for musicians and comedians.

Alexa says everyone should have a backup plan.

Backup plan, huh?

That would be the plan you use if your first plan doesn't work.

Did she say anything about winning a Nobel Prize or being a famous inventor?

She said anything where you're famous is basically impossible.

Hmm. And did she say that everyone who has a dream needs a backup plan?

Yeah. She even made a whole depressing flyer about it.

These numbers are hard to argue with.

Guys, no. Don't listen to some stupid flyer. This might be true for other

people, but not for us.

We're the loud.

We're special.

Yeah.

I'm still going to test it.

Charles, that's a lot of salt, buddy.

Here, here, dress in my milkshake.

You must be thirsty.

Okay, bye.

Thanks for carrying my books for me.

I didn't know boyfriends did that.

Well, the cool ones do.

My bad.

Let me help you.

Sorry.

I'm excited for our first date on Friday.

Me too.

What do you want to do?

Ah, that's funny.

You got a whole thing planned, don't you?

You know it.

Big plan.

Can't wait for Friday.

Ladies, let me ask you a quick question.

Would you jump out of a plane without a backup parachute?

I already have. Me neither. Having doubts about your dream career?

No. We've all been there.

That's why I'm prepared to offer you a rock -solid backup plan.

Thanks, but I think we're good.

I'd be interested in availing myself of your services.

Please, step into my office.

Your resume's impressive.

Organized, punctual.

Certified genius.

I have the perfect job for you.

An entry -level position with Royal Woods Technology.

Can you start?

Tomorrow morning?

Sounds wonderful.

Thank you for this opportunity.

May I keep this pen?

Actually, it's my only one.

You'd think I'd have a backup.

Good luck.

Did you get a backup?

Lincoln!

First day with Angie.

Expectations I promised is made.

I need a plan.

Ooh, sorry, Clyde. I'm no longer in the plan business.

Whoa, I moved on to backup plans. Now, if you've tried a plan and failed, then

could help you. But you're the man with the plan. I was. Now, I'm the man with

the backup plan. But Lincoln, I can't make it.

Barry, baby, let's talk V .U .B .s.

Backup plans.

Okay, so I was taking a look at your resume.

What a

meal.

Thank you.

Or should I thank the universe?

No, you should thank me. I'll do the dishes.

Oh.

Praise the nothing.

Excuse me. I have to brush my teeth. I've got work in the morning.

I really admire you guys going after your dreams, however unattainable they

be. Lisa, don't listen to Alexa Jordan.

People can be whatever they dream.

All it takes is talent and hard work. That's not true. Todd and I projected

over four million simulations of my life, and in none of them do I become a

famous scientist.

Numbers don't lie, ladies.

Unfortunately, our parents did.

Our dreams are unattainable.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to lay out my work clothes and prepare some

topics for the water cooler.

Good luck on your impossible quests.

I knew you'd be back.

After your birthday work?

Yep. Wish me luck. You're gonna do great.

You'll be reporting to Phil in the mailroom. He's worked at the company for

years. He's almost at his pension.

Anyway, close to the road.

Gotta run. My 9 a .m. is here. Okay.

All right, Lisa.

Time to put the row in, woman.

Okay, uh, Lynn.

What are you looking for in a backup career?

Well, I like being a part of a team, something where I'm active, and I like

wearing a uniform.

Also, I wouldn't mind if the job involved some kind of tackling.

I like that clue.

Okay.

So, me, you're perfect for a job in... law enforcement.

Really? Well, almost.

Okay, so, we got some kids that vandalized a mailbox on Oak Street. We

complaints of some loud sneezing from Mrs. Hogan on Elm again.

And people have been putting flyers up on the lampposts on Houston.

It's a nightmare getting the tape off.

You could handle that one, Carol.

not a point of duty.

Which one of you pays to nobody who's my partner?

Well, I like meeting new people, traveling around, having a microphone in

hand, and, of course, making people laugh.

Luanne, you have a promising backup career as a... flight attendant.

Really?

Oh, almost.

Okay, we are about to take off for the bingo parlor in just a few minutes.

reminder.

Fasten your seatbelt.

And if you have oxygen, make sure to put on your mask before helping others.

Our drive time today is about 35 minutes, but that's if we don't catch a

tailwind or, you know, Eugene starts farting again.

Thanks to Eugene, we don't have to stop for gas.

There are many more professions in music that are much more attainable than rock

star.

I think I've got just the one for you.

I can't believe Luna Loud is playing at our wedding. It's going to be a blast.

You guys make a great couple. And you said we should get a DJ.

I was trying to help my cousin. He's already sleeping in our basement.

Isn't that enough help? His boyfriend just left him.

We're so excited.

So what you're saying is, like this peanut, we must shed our outer shell in

order to reveal our inner selves.

Exactly. At least I was worth it. I pointed out some inefficiencies in the

mailroom, so they promoted me to the boardroom.

Love to chat, but I'm crazy busy.

My daughter got a promotion, and all I had to do was nothing.

That's great.

Man, that date went horribly.

My original plan was a disaster.

Guess I'm ready for a backup plan. You went on a date, huh?

Where'd you go?

Ice cream store. Which one?

Frank's. Downtown?

At the mall. What'd you get? I had a cup. She had a cone. What flavors? I had

plasberry, and she had chandella.

Nice try, Clyde. Just give me a plan. Clyde, I love you. You're sweeter than a

plasberry.

But I can't help you.

Get a smaller den.

Barry. Barry!

I'd love to talk, but I'm on another call right now.

to help over here and you need some lady advice?

We'll do it, but it will cost you.

Heart back.

Okay, fine.

We'll do it for free.

We're pretty bored. We had a play date with our friend Ashley, but it got

canceled.

Okay, so you're going to want to dress up. Maybe like a cool hat. Girls love

when guys look snazzy. But not too snazzy. If you try too hard, she'll

on you. And be funny. But not too funny. Literally, no one likes a clown.

Just be sure you have something interesting to talk about. Don't talk

You gotta listen. Just be sure to focus on her. You gotta make eye contact.

But don't stare at her. That's creepy.

You got it?

Could you repeat that?

Oh, Clyde.

You've got so much to learn.

We'll be here all day if that's what it takes.

Ashley's mom called.

Play date's back on.

You're ready.

Good luck, and don't blink too much. But don't not blink too much. Okay,

toodles.

I feel like my inner self is really being revealed.

Should we tidy up our former shelves?

Do nothing.

Peanuts came from the earth, and in time, they will return to the earth.

Well,

that

was quicker than I thought. Just tell him to hold the board meeting. I'm ten

minutes out.

The place would fall apart without me.

Thank you. Have a good day.

Waking up and getting ready for a job that's nice and steady.

Watching the clock go round.

The best thing to learn is you can't crash and burn if you never leave the

ground.

And if you want to jump out the window, besides...

Take

your graffiti to another neighborhood, punk!

Enjoy your complimentary popcorn.

You're not going to be seeing them for a long time.

You're fired.

Oh, man.

You're fired.

You're fired!

Wait,

I was trying to be funny, but not too funny.

Was I being too funny?

This whole night's been super weird. I think there's something wrong with your

eyes. What are you talking about?

You didn't blink for the first hour, and then you haven't stopped blinking.

Which did you prefer?

Tough choice.

Let's just do this a different night.

Wait, Angie!

He did too much.

Now you're getting it.

How are my three superstars? We all got fired. It was the worst day ever.

Tell me about it.

Corporate life is brutal.

You got fired too?

No. I got promoted again.

But I had to fire the whole marketing team and my mentor, Phil, who's been

me since day one, which was yesterday.

Miss Loud, you have a video conference with Singapore in five minutes.

This is my assistant, Evelyn. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I have to let her go tomorrow.

Does she have a backup plan?

Evelyn!

It's a beautiful day out there.

I just did two days of laundry. What's with the ground fit?

Sweats are the business suits of losers.

They represent our future.

Gray and hopeless.

Oh, come on, guys. It's not that bad.

Jobs come and go.

Oh, phone's ringing. Maybe there's a new opportunity here.

Yellow. Oh, I've got an appealing offer for Luann Loud.

It's not a phone, Mom. It's a banana.

Oh, honey.

Oh, hey.

Clock's winding down.

Three, two, one.

What's the point?

Hey, rock star, how about a song, huh?

Good talk.

Hey, happy Saturday. How's everybody doing?

Where's the man with the backup plan? Because I'm ready to turn things around

with my lady.

All right, I'll go find him myself.

You've got to be kidding me.

Sorry, Clyde. Three of my clients got fired, so I'm out of the backup plan

and back in the plan business.

Now, if you needed an original plan, then I... Look, Lincoln, Angie's going

be here in ten minutes. And I don't know if I should be snazzy or not snazzy,

blinking or not blinking. I don't know who I am anymore.

Okay, I'm sensing some tension.

Hey, can I borrow you for a minute?

Unfortunately, one cannot borrow nothing.

Now for your final test.

To master the way of nothing, you must bend the spoon without doing anything.

I feel the nothing. I feel the nothing.

Hey, you did it.

Okay,

let's go. I did it.

I'm not so stressed anymore.

It's gotten even worse.

Whoa. They've given up on their dreams.

I think they need one of your famous pep talks.

Oh, this is going to be a tough one.

Why'd they fire you guys?

I got fired because I rocked too hard.

I was fired because I was too funny.

I was killing.

Literally.

They said I was too intense.

But that's what it takes to win.

And I was born to win.

I got this.

I'm gonna need two bananas, some guitar picks, and a kickball.

Wait.

Do nothing.

You do rock too hard. That's because you were born to rock.

Yeah.

I was born to rock.

In the wind. You were born to be funny. You've been making me laugh since I was

this tall.

Yeah.

I was born to be funny.

I'm going to be an astronaut.

And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You're going to be the best astronaut ever.

Lincoln, I think I have my plan.

I just need to be myself and I'm going to have the best first date ever.

Yeah!

You ready to try this again?

Yep. And this time, you're getting a real clap.

My lady, I'm ready to be myself.

No blinking.

Just the right amount of snatch.

That's more like it.

Come on.

What's going on here? We decided we don't need backup plans.

We're just going to follow our dream. Oh, thank goodness.

This is President and CEO Lisa Loud.

I quit.

Mom, draw me a bath.

86 degrees.

And Dad, I prefer to have some options on the dinner table.

Oh, and bring around the car. I might want to go out for ice cream later.

I'd also like to relinquish my $2 million in stock options.

No, no, no. Do nothing. Do nothing.

All praise to nothing.