Original subtitles

LOL, you laugh, you're out!

CONTROL CENTER

Two hours have passed,

with three yellow cards for Marina Foïs,

Carlito and Alban Ivanov.

Jérôme Commandeur has been the most aggressive

since the start.

So I decided to reward him

with a Fifi Weapon which he will choose from two options.

Believe me, he could do a lot of damage.

Mariachis... Okay.

You can come out now, your choice has been recorded.

Jérôme has chosen a mariachi band.

Here we go.

It should turn.

Look out.

Something is going to happen!

Look out!

Come on, gringo.

So, thank you, dear friends.

Thank you, dear friends. You're all going back to Paris,

is this mic working?

I hope you've had a good week.

I'm gonna name-check the whole team. On the cold buffet, Alison!

On water skiing, Audrey!

Yeah!

On restroom maintenance, Franck!

Yeah!

On seafood, JP!

Yeah!

Wait, I've got something to say.

And above all, a big thank you

to Redouane's dad who came to play the guitar.

Abdella Bougheraba.

And thanks, Dad And thanks, Dad

He's the mejor del mundo

Don't stop the music.

JP's mom

No, no.

Is the best in the world

Here we go again.

JP's mom

Is the mejor del mundo

JP's mom JP's mom

Is the best del mundo

JP's mom JP's mom

Is the best del mundo

JP's mom JP's mom

Is the best del mundo

JP's mom JP's mom

Is the best del mundo

JP's mom JP's mom

Is the best del mundo

JP's mom JP's mom

Is the mejor del mundo

That's proof of love.

He hasn't accepted that I'll be his stepfather.

That's what hurt him.

Often, you want to kill your father.

The Oedipus complex.

I talk about it in my first book, which is called

Como matar su padre.

Best seller,

published by Éditions Flamingo.

That's the equivalent of Flammarion in South America.

Friends, muchas gracias

por la gente.

-Muchas gracias. -La chico...

JP's mom

Bravo! Bravo!

Or as they say over there, muchas gracias.

Bravo, Jérôme. Bravo.

Sorry, but someone laughed.

-I hope it's not me. -It's you!

Who set you off, Jérôme?

-No-one set me off. -It's not me.

-Hello, Fifi. -Hello.

-Fifi. -Hello, Fifi.

I have, in my possession, a card which, I believe,

a lot of you will enjoy.

-It's Jérôme! -It's Zadi!

JP's mom JP's mom

Is the best del mundo

JP's mom JP's mom

How do you know...

It was a throat-laugh!

I didn't laugh!

I didn't even laugh!

Yes, you did.

-This part laughed. -Why did you laugh?

Him, harassing me.

-"Him" has a name. -He's harassing me.

Making faces, he's a pain in the ass.

I was so shocked by

Alban Ivanov's humor, with the faces he makes and everything,

that it just came out of me.

He uses everything to make me...

That makes me laugh.

It's just love.

It's a reward

for my many attacks. I'm happy.

I didn't come for nothing.

A noisy, but effective strategy. Well done, Alban.

Thank you Fifi. There you go.

See you later.

Thank you, Fifi. Come on!

We're still in the game!

Game! We're still in the game!

Game!

All right.

Here we go again!

Already?

Hey, game on!

-Jesus. -Shall we start a conga line?

No.

-Yes, let's. -I need to chill.

Just for five minutes.

-I need to chill. -What, JP?

Girls, what do you want?

Leave me alone.

Do you want a big apricot?

-JP. -Jesus.

The girls are very strong this season.

There's a kind of sisterhood.

Franck.

This is a gift to cheer you up. A reference to Medellin.

I know it didn't make a lot at the box office.

-There is no box office. -It's on Amazon.

There are no tickets. People don't go to the Amazon.

What do they say then?

-Screenings, views. -Views.

Anyway, I've read some bad reviews.

This is to cheer you up.

For Medellin, for your project.

For all that. It'll be okay.

I hope it's the right size.

Shit.

Oh, fuck.

-A typo. -Fuck, there's a mistake. How stupid.

I was saying to myself,

"It's not funny. What's happening isn't funny."

Otherwise, I'm going down.

-There are two typos. Man-do... -I told them, "Medellin."

-"Mandolin." -It's wrong.

-But it's nice. -This makes me look stupid.

Let's see. They really suck.

Send it back.

Okay, listen.

Think about me at night.

-So annoying. -Thanks.

You're welcome.

Audrey was unbelievable.

It's absurd. It's funny. So there you go.

You know I'm trying to diversify as an actress.

I've been inventing things.

Some things haven't worked. But I'm really happy about one.

How is that relevant?

You want to quit acting, sorry.

If the work dries up, I still have to make a living.

It's not even about the money. I need to be fulfilled.

I've invented a completely spherical object.

It has no angles, so you can't hurt yourself on it.

No sharp edges.

It's this.

Yes.

And if you throw it against a flat surface,

it bounces and comes back to you.

But you have to catch it.

I invented it. You can throw it once,

twice, as often as you like.

Have you named this object?

Tennis ball.

That's existed for ages.

True, I saw them at Roland-Garros.

Fuck, so annoying.

I'll think it over and invent something else.

Marina, in this game,

is one of those people you have to avoid.

Lots of absurdity and improv. My Achilles heel.

Alison, did I...

-Did you smoke? -No.

Have you ever smoked?

-Yes, I have... -Yes.

Don't you think it's annoying...

Let me explain quickly.

I'm trying to do something new.

-See? -What do you want to do?

I'm trying to diversify.

-Little activities. -Like what?

-Inventions. -What does that have to do with smoking?

Wait, I'll get there.

It's annoying, with a cigarette,

you have to bend down to the fireplace.

-You might burn your hair. -Exactly.

Little portable fireplaces that fit in your pocket.

Not marble, that would be too heavy.

-A lighter? -At the moment,

it's plastic, so not very green.

-I'll make mud ones. -Innovative.

Or out of hay.

Or grass.

-Out of seeds. Flax seeds. -Great.

-You carry it with you. -Show me.

No need for a country house.

I roll myself a cigarette...

I've got a little portable fireplace. Are you interested?

-Sure. -Does it light your fire?

I'm in.

-Pitch it to Audrey. -To Audrey?

Have I told you? I've invented something.

It's a pocket fireplace.

It's not made of marble, because of the weight.

-It's brilliant. -It's made of plastic.

I'm going to make it out of mud, hay,

something eco-friendly, flax seed, I don't know, buckwheat.

A portable fireplace. I've invented it.

To diversify, to do something other than acting.

It's complicated.

I'm fragile.

I want to laugh.

My mouth is trembling.

I'm doing this. I'm really not well.

To stay out of danger,

I go and do my joker.

Joker card!

Audrey Lamy's joker card!

The girls are clearly on the attack.

I just need to prepare a few things.

Can you sit here with masks?

-Oh, that's gonna be nice. -A moment of calm, to re-focus.

Think about the joker card you haven't used yet.

Careful.

Her sister won the first season. So I think they've got

special genes.

If we did an autopsy on the family,

or if we had access to their DNA, perhaps they have something

which makes them stronger or programmed to win.

My opinion is backed up by genetics,

by science.

I know I have to beware of her.

Okay, you can take your masks off.

-Yeah! -Okay.

You look stunning.

There.

Thank you.

Right, I'm taking the plunge.

Jérôme,

if you'd like to join me.

-Come on, Jérôme. -Jérôme!

-Jérôme! -Jérôme!

Note that Jérôme

had no idea that he was going to take part in this wedding.

If you wouldn't mind putting this on.

I hope it's the right size.

You look magnificent.

You look delicious.

My little tuna croquette.

Please get up and stand either side

of the red carpet

and make a beautiful guard of honor, for us, for you.

For our love.

Shall we open the door of happiness, Jérôme?

Open the door. It's there.

-Like this or like that? -More this way.

He's never opened a door before.

Cue music!

They're all here.

It's super.

You're here.

Thank you.

This is my cousin Wee-woo.

Because she loves firemen.

That's it.

-Say "truck," Wee-woo. -Truck.

Wee-woo, wee-woo, wee-woo.

I wasn't disappointed.

Would you like to try, Jérôme?

No, I'm fine.

Alban! He's my manager.

The apartment house manager. I love him.

Say hello to Alban. You can give him a kiss.

Nanette!

Auntie Nanette!

My Auntie!

This is my Aunt Nanette.

She breastfed me until I was 13.

Sometimes, she still does, but there's not as much milk.

I'm hungry, Nanette.

I didn't offer you any. Jérôme, would you like to suckle her?

No, I'm fine.

-Go on. -Some milk from Nanette?

Some other time.

Another time. Let's continue.

Suck Nanette! Suck Nanette! Suck Nanette!

It's so awkward.

Sorry.

Hello, Franck.

Hello.

Come here.

You've got some nerve showing up here.

I don't love you anymore. Do you understand?

Get that into your head.

Sorry, that's my ex. He's stressing me out.

He must have done something awful.

So, there you go.

A little Eskimo kiss?

Thanks so much for being here to share this marvelous moment with us.

Jérôme, I've written this for you.

-If you don't mind. -Sure.

I'll try not to cry too much.

Sorry.

Jeez, it's stupid!

-Come on. -Do it.

-Come on. -Come on, Audrey.

Jérôme Roger

Gaëtano Commandeur.

You, the laborer of laughter,

the live-entertainment troubadour,

the witty funny guy with a sparkle in his eye.

-A real twinkle. -The kind you don't fall for

at first sight, but rather after everyone else has left.

My Jérôme, I stand before you, here today,

to ask you to marry me.

So, Jérôme Roger Gaëtano Commandeur,

will you take me as your lawfully wedded wife,

to live with me for eternity? Wait.

We need a witness.

Gauthier.

There.

She got one of my best friends.

Seriously...

He's your friend. I knew it'd make you happy. Are you moved?

Would you like to say something? No pressure.

No, it's fine.

Okay.

I'll ask you the question again,

for protocol.

Jérôme, my Jéjé,

my Jéjouille.

Do you take Audrey to be your lawfully wedded wife?

To make the sketch consistent, say yes.

Of course.

My answer is "yes."

Congratulations.

He said yes.

He said yes!

I'll ask you, too.

Will you take Jérôme to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Yes!

-Bravo. -Give me a kiss, on the forehead.

Give me one.

Kiss my hand, Jérôme.

I know what you're like.

That was sexy.

Borderline pornographic, that kiss.

You're such a good kisser.

Thanks so much. To conclude

this little ceremony,

please couple up with the guests,

and we'll finish this union with a nice slow dance.

Music!

A slow dance?

Go on, you can go

and join the guests.

Excuse me, do you mind?

-You're well-built. -Yes.

-Do you do work out? -Yes.

Thanks for coming.

I got a good catering deal,

Pierre Martinet, the tough caterer.

-I like him a lot. -I know, you love him.

My Jéjé. My dumpling.

My Parma ham.

Do you still live with your parents?

-No. -I love bald men.

I'm not sure the music quite matches.

-In relation to... -It's nice.

It's very nice.

You see everyone dancing, seriously.

What's going on?

That's the producer of the show.

-No? -Him, there.

He's the producer.

Are you the producer of the show?

Not at all. I'm a witness.

-A witness. -I confused you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thanks a lot for this moment.

Enjoy the rest of the evening. Thank you.

Long live

the bride and groom!

Long live the bride and groom!

Bravo, Audrey Commandeur.

Bravo.

-Have a good evening. -Drive safely.

-Goodbye. -That was great,

I don't think Jérôme knew about it.

You were very good, Jérôme.

You were inspirational.

It breaks my heart, but I have no choice.

There you go.

-There you go. -It can't be me.

Philippe!

-Philippe! -Fifi!

Fifi!

Fifi!

Congratulations to Audrey...

-Bravo. -Thank you.

...who played a great joker card.

Unfortunately, I'm going to upset one of you.

Do you want to know who?

-Yes! -Yes, please, sir.

Let's see.

You, the laborer of laughter,

the live entertainment troubadour.

the witty funny guy with a sparkle in his eye.

The kind you don't fall for at first sight

but rather after

everyone else has left.

So, Alison?

-A classic. -The tiniest of chuckles, but yes.

I shouldn't have fallen for that, it's pathetic.

I'm so disappointed in myself.

Next laugh, you're eliminated.

So if you want to play smart,

Audrey, Redouane, Jérôme, Anaïde, McFly, and Franck

have no card.

So you can target them if you want.

See you later.

-Thanks Fifi. -Thanks for the information.

Right.

Here we go again.

That means we can't laugh any more.

The little "no laughing" signal.

-Fuck, you were ruthless with me. -I know.

Come here.

My husband.

You're quite something.

-Are you mad at me? -No.

Oh, no, but you...

You know, I knew your

clown side,

but now I've seen the woman in the clown.

People say, "You're an actress."

I was saying a short while ago

to someone famous, "I'm not just an actress,

"I'm a mother.

"I'm a woman.

"I breast-feed."

Jérôme, you've earned a massage.

Your little massage.

Come and see me at the salon.

-Do you still have your nail salon? -Yes.

It's going very well.

Nails are huge.

-You're a bit stressed. -Where you based?

-Near the Intercontinental? -Yeah.

Pass the hotel, it's on the right. It hasn't moved.

With Jérôme, after my joker card, I could see a little opening.

I think I can make him laugh.

Jérôme,

-can I ask you a favor? -Go ahead.

Audrey continues to attack Jérôme.

She's attacking.

I have a friend who loves you.

She adores you. She goes to all your shows.

She thinks you're great, she follows you everywhere.

She asked me if I could ask you

-to sign two or three photos. -Of course.

-You don't mind? -Not at all.

So, what did she give me?

The first one,

this one here.

Listen, this one.

She loves it. She says it's awesome.

-What's her first name? -Carole.

Put "For Carole."

That's right. "Jérôme Commandeur."

Do a little heart.

-His face has taken a hit. -I love this photo.

I think it's quite corny.

-But... -It screams "movie star."

-"I'm a winner." -"Follow me."

"Laughs, this way."

Really?

Looks like the same photo shoot.

You're dressed the same. Unless you never change.

This one is great too.

Do you see?

There's a more casual look.

More "Be careful, I'm sweet."

"I can be sweet."

-Yeah... -It's got tenderness.

Give it a little kiss.

Kiss the photo, I'll tell her.

That's right.

We'll put a circle, so we know

you're sending her a kiss.

That one is great too.

She said, "Show him a photo of me.

"He might just fall in love with me."

I managed to get a photo of him

from his friends,

dressed up as Line Renaud.

It was taken ages ago, he's platinum blonde,

lipstick, black beard.

Just the photo was already very effective.

"For Carole,

"I'm gonna

"nail you on

"the gravel."

There, that's great.

That's great.

Draw some pieces of gravel.

That way, she'll realize... That's right, great.

So, last thing,

I don't know how Carrie managed to find this,

this photo came out of nowhere.

Look what she found for me.

Who is that?

It's me.

Yes, it's you, Jérôme.

It's me...

-Yes. -...in a photo booth.

Are you serious?

-Yes, that's the flash. -Come with me.

Come, we'll... Come.

It'll be nice. It will set you free. Don't worry honey.

Yes, it's moving.

Was that little boy there?

-Yes. -Was he there?

Look where that little boy is now.

Look where he is. He's here.

-I get it. -Do you see what I mean?

We've switched roles.

Today, that little boy is here.

Little Titi.

-He's... -He's a little Titi.

I want to laugh out of surprise.

Titi was the nickname that my dad gave me.

So it was very hard for me.

And I want to say to this little Titi

that we've come a long way.

We want to tell him

we've climbed the mountain.

That's what we want to tell little Titi.

That's what we want to tell this cute kid.

Wait, I...

Ouch. Almost there. Almost there.

-Is this you? -Yes, it was...

Tell him, "I'm proud of you, my Titi."

I'm proud of you, my Titi.

You can kiss him.

Kiss him.

Say sorry for the times you didn't believe in him.

-I'm proud of you, Titi. -I'm proud of you, Titi.

We climbed the mountain.

We climbed the mountain.

Planted the flag of glory.

Planted the flag of glory.

We're number one in the top 50.

We're number one in the top 50.

Come on, give him a little kiss.

You see how he's smiling?

It was really difficult for me,

she had me in her sights, and wouldn't let up.

I'll remove these. They make me feel like I'm dead.

I can't handout any cards, unfortunately.

They're good.

I'm not really into teasing.

So I think I'll try and make it more visual.

I feel like

I could get Alison Wheeler.

She might fall for my nonsense.

You good, honey?

-Can I talk to you, please? -Yeah.

You've been giving me dirty looks since the start.

What's the problem?

No problem. But you talk shit about people.

-You say things... -You spoke,

you spoke about Audrey...

Why are you saying that?

-I love her. -You set people against each other.

Calm down, honey.

I'm very calm.

-You're a hypocrite. -You're paranoid.

-Paranoid? LOL. -Yeah.

The sisterhood, honey, toz.

What does that mean?

The sisterhood, toz.

I tozzed you.

Anaïde takes risks.

She shit-stirs, reality-TV style, which I love.

I'm not strong enough.

She has the upper hand.

What's going on, Alison?

Anaïde is setting people against each other,

then she's surprised that there are rivalries.

You've been a bit of a hypocrite since the start.

-First one person, then the other. -Me?

LOL. L-O-L.

Touch my heart.

-Is it sincere or not? -It's not sincere.

-Need someone else to check? -No, go away.

Anaïde is in the "Big Brother" house.

You should leave the show.

You're too hypocritical and dishonest.

For Anaïde, press 1, for Alison, press 2.

Excuse me.

Has anyone seen my nail?

No, but I saw your career.

-What did you say? -Your career.

It's nowhere to be found.

Ah, ah, ah.

I'm sorry.

Philippe! Was it you?

-Someone laughed in this house. -It was Jérôme.

Someone laughed in this house.

Is it a yellow or a red card?

Let's find out.

I feel I'm in danger.

Oh, wow.

I don't want to be the first one to leave LOL.

LOL, you laugh, you're out!