Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
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# The sky is gray
2
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:48,680
# The sand is gray
3
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,600
# And the ocean is gray... #
4
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:57,280
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
5
00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,520
There's my ray of sunshine!
6
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,680
Love what you've done with
the place.
7
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,040
SHE GROANS
8
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,400
# Happy birthday... #
9
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,240
No, no!
# ..to you. #
10
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,920
It's too sad.
11
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,760
That's enough photos from 2010.
12
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,960
No! I was so happy then.
13
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,440
No, you weren't, Maggie.
You were just on pills.
14
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,680
Look, Eddie, look at Johnny.
15
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,280
He was my only fit ex,
and he was rich.
16
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,320
Do you remember when he bought me
an iPod Nano just because?
17
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:25,800
He was boring, though, though, Mags.
18
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:29,000
You used to catch up on emails
whilst he was going down on you.
19
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,440
I think he might be my husband.
20
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,200
Does he still have the fringe?
Yes, but it's been updated.
21
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,840
He lives in Battersea now
and he loves cycling
22
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,120
and telling people where he cycled
23
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,280
and how long it took him to get
there. What does he do now?
24
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,640
What do posh men do for jobs?
25
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:44,360
I feel like it's only ever finance
or something really, really dumb.
26
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,440
Yeah. You know that adult ball
pit thing you hate?
27
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,080
Eugh, no, not Balls To The Wall.
28
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,680
Yeah, he owns that.
Argh, that fucking sucks.
29
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,760
Yeah, but he's so normal and sane.
30
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,040
His parents are still together
by choice.
31
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,080
Not cos they couldn't decide
who should keep the Aga,
32
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,480
like Ryan's parents.
33
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,840
I got you doughnuts because
you think cupcakes are for...
34
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,720
Noughties gender reveals.
You are correct.
35
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,800
You are my tiny baby
and I love you.
36
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,040
Ah.
37
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,560
Mm.
38
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:14,840
Oh, mm.
39
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,760
Erm...
40
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,080
I don't want to go any more,
by the way.
41
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,920
What?!
42
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,320
You said all you wanted for your
birthday was a gentle evening
43
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,120
supermarket sweep to TK Maxx.
44
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,400
I know, but I'll actually
celebrate my 30th
45
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,360
when I have something to celebrate.
46
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,800
Speaking of which,
47
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,160
I think The Furlong
are going to drop my play, so...
48
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,920
There's six or seven calls
from my agent.
49
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,120
OK, but I swung by the Maxx
yesterday
50
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,960
and they had a lot
of new stock delivered.
51
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,680
Loads of kitchen stuff.
52
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,280
Really? Mm-hm.
53
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,400
God, if I could finally get big
Le Creuset,
54
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,400
things might really
turn round for me.
55
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,520
Let's do it.
56
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,920
Did you know that every year one
Faberge egg gets hidden in a TK Maxx
57
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,120
somewhere in the world,
and they get sold for £19.99?
58
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,320
That can't be true.
59
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,400
It is true, Eddie, I read
all over the TK Maxx subreddit.
60
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,040
Why are we here? Oh, I just need to
pop in and grab some bags for life
61
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,880
in case we hit
the jackpot in the candle aisle.
62
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,400
Wait. You OK?
63
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,920
Yeah. I just thought I saw her,
you know?
64
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,880
Oh, my God. Get an exterminator,
like.
65
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,520
I can't afford it.
And my method is working.
66
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,840
ALL: Happy Birthday!
67
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,120
THEY CHEER
68
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,280
SHE GROANS
69
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,640
SHE GROANS WEAKLY
70
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,040
OK, go mingle.
71
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,080
Maggie will be ready to party
in no time.
72
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:45,440
Before you freak out,
73
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,480
can I just show you
all the good shit I've done?
74
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:51,960
Come on, look. Look, look, look.
75
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,200
Custom cocktails.
76
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,480
A photo booth.
77
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,400
You love a photo booth.
78
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,000
And, and, and,
79
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,640
got him off of eBay.
80
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,800
SHE GROANS
81
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,520
Maggie, do you remember
when you had norovirus
82
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,680
and we went to Bestival and I got
you those adult nappies
83
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,320
so you didn't have to miss
Elton John?
84
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:16,840
If you can do that, you can do this.
85
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:20,880
Eddie, I know we have wanted to
throw a Love Actually party
86
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,080
for years, but this could not
be worse timing.
87
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,640
Just because you're in a funk.
88
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,480
It's not a funk,
it's a mood disorder.
89
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,560
Sorry, I know, but if you stay
at home alone on your birthday,
90
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,200
you're going to regret it.
I know you will.
91
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,800
Look, I promise,
we're gonna have fun.
92
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,880
I will do one hour.
93
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,280
That is it.
94
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,200
Yes, my darling.
95
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,560
So if you are Laura Linney,
does that make me...
96
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,440
..her brother, who has a mental
illness?
97
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,640
It's what we always said we'd do.
98
00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,640
Clint, go! Oh, Jesus, no!
99
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,040
What are you doing?
100
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:02,520
THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
101
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,680
We're going to have so much fun.
So itchy!
102
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,080
We're there. Hey!
See? You look so good.
103
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,640
Happy birthday, Maggie.
104
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,200
Ah, everything OK?
105
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,400
Oh, yeah. Peachy.
106
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,640
I thought you said you'd got
rid of that smell.
107
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,040
Have you not been getting
any of my texts, calls?
108
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,600
I've been busy.
109
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:28,160
Me and Lauren went on a survivalist
weekend in Bury St Edmunds.
110
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,200
Oh, good, my mother is here.
111
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,640
Hey, Lauren, can you go to the
bar and get us a round?
112
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,080
Tell them to put it on my tab.
113
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,920
Thanks for dressing up.
114
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,440
I'm Colin Firth or whatever.
115
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,000
So?
116
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,160
What were you doing sniffing
around the bar the other day?
117
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,240
I'm allowed to look around.
With a surveyor?
118
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,840
All right, fine. Look, this business
is not making money,
119
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,560
like, any money.
It's just a dry spell.
120
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,040
And I need it to, cos I've got a big
project I'm working on.
121
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,080
Not the fucking apocalypse bunker.
I wouldn't expect you to understand.
122
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,880
You never read any of the articles
I send you.
123
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,240
Jay, you need money
for crossbows and spam?
124
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,440
I'll get you money
for crossbows and spam.
125
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,120
I've actually found a way
to bring in a bit more revenue.
126
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,040
Ever heard of Balls To The Wall?
127
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,920
The adult ball pit thing?
Correct.
128
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,560
So I happen to know the guy
that owns it,
129
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,440
I happen to know they don't
have a Dalston branch,
130
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,640
and I happen to know that
we have a basement that is empty.
131
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,120
Anyway, I invited him here tonight.
132
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,760
What, you invited the balls guy
to the Love Actually party?
133
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,000
Impressed?
134
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,960
Er, I've got to go now.
135
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,320
Lauren, her hands are too small
to hold a pint glass.
136
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,480
Will, why are you a worm?
137
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,400
I'm an eel on Colin Firth's leg.
Look.
138
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,360
Are you all right?
139
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,640
It's just Jay.
140
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,560
Is there anything I can do?
I mean, literally anything.
141
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,800
If you say anything, tell me what to
do, I'll do it, right now.
142
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,920
Yeah. Can I have a Martini Freeman,
on the rocks?
143
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,480
Coming right up. Oh!
144
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,280
Sorry, sorry.
145
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,920
I'm fine, Mum.
146
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,240
I'm just in costume as someone
not doing well.
147
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,120
Maggie, I went to your flat.
148
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,920
When? This morning.
149
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,560
You were asleep.
I didn't want to wake you.
150
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,400
Oh, but you were fine with breaking
and entering?
151
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,440
You're not taking your lithium.
152
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,320
Shush! Yes, I am. No, you're not.
I counted the pills.
153
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,600
What?!
That is very fucked up.
154
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,320
Why aren't you taking them?
155
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,240
Can we just... Can we talk
about this another time?
156
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:17,320
But you don't answer my calls.
Mum! Look, I can't...
157
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,040
..take the pills because it fucks
with my ability to write and think.
158
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,680
It's like wrapping your brain
in cotton wool,
159
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:23,880
and I can't live like that.
160
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,720
But you can't just stop
taking them willy nilly.
161
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,120
I've got a plan, Mum.
Trust me.
162
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,080
Oh, great costumes, ladies!
163
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,160
Thanks, Eddie.
164
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,240
Elaine hasn't seen the film,
165
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,200
but she did what she could
from Google Images.
166
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,960
Now, what time is food being served?
167
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,000
Erm, we're not doing food.
168
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,560
Auntie Elaine gets anaemic after
six.
169
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,880
Well, while we recover from that,
I'm just gonna go to the loo.
170
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,640
Come on, Elaine.
171
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,800
Hey, you haven't seen any of our
little guests, have you?
172
00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,280
Eddie, this is really very heavy.
Can you please move?
173
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,640
Get behind the bar!
174
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,840
Maggie! Maggie.
175
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,760
Oh...
176
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,800
Thanks for coming, Anya.
177
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,840
And Owen. And Owen.
178
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,800
Guess who we are?
179
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,000
SHE MOANS
180
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,360
Chance would be a fine thing, eh?
181
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,920
THEY LAUGH RAUCOUSLY
182
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,360
Oh, I can't believe you haven't
met Mercury yet.
183
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,920
We're really hoping to see
you at the placenta ceremony.
184
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,680
Oh, yeah, sorry.
I'm not really a baby person.
185
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,880
Mercury's not like other babies.
He's incredibly insightful.
186
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,800
God, this place hasn't changed
a bit, has it?
187
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,720
ECHOING: The amount of time we've
spent here.
188
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,680
The smell was a lot less...pungent
then.
189
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,800
Mags, oh, wow. So nice to see you
out and about.
190
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,760
For God's sakes, Bryan, she hasn't
had a hip replacement.
191
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,000
No, I know, I just... Eddie says
that you've been feeling a bit down.
192
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,920
Look, I totally get it.
193
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,640
I was a wreck last year
after my cheek fillers migrated.
194
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,480
Right! I am about to piss myself.
195
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,280
So, if you don't mind,
I'm just gonna...
196
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,680
Oh!
197
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,120
Not the engaged girlies. BRB.
198
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,720
I've got to...
Excuse me. OK, bye-bye.
199
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,000
Clint!
200
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,400
Oh, come on! For fuck's sake.
201
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,720
It was only two!
202
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,640
Get her! What?!
No, no, no, no, no!
203
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,400
Ow! What the fuck?!
204
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,200
That was nowhere near an hour.
205
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,000
I can't do it, Eddie.
206
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,760
I just got accosted
by Tiffany rings.
207
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,880
Please, please let me go home.
208
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:35,600
Maggie,
I'm not trying to torture you.
209
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,000
I know you feel like shit,
but if you stay at home alone
210
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,200
on your birthday, it will make
you feel worse.
211
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,080
And I can't bear the thought of it,
OK?
212
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,400
Everyone in there loves you.
213
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,520
Come back in and I promise
you'll start to feel better.
214
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:54,920
And if anyone else pisses you off,
I'll lock them in the rat hotel.
215
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,600
OK, fine.
216
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,480
Will you kindly ask Clint
to get off me
217
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,480
before I elbow him in the mouth?
218
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:11,160
Anya, you can't smoke in here.
219
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,200
Why not?
220
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,440
What is this?
221
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,960
Hey, Maggie.
WEAKLY: Yay.
222
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:36,360
I need you little freaks
to shut this party down.
223
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,960
MAN: Happy birthday.
Oh, yeah. Feliz navidad!
224
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,720
And now we wait.
225
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,480
DOOR KNOCKS
226
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,040
No! This toilet is blocked
by a ghost.
227
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,560
It's Bryan.
The ghost doesn't know who that is.
228
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,360
Maggie, I have mushroom oil.
229
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,440
OK, I am all for realism,
230
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,640
but you could have at least
washed your hair.
231
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:23,840
DOOR KNOCKS
232
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,640
No, no. Pretend to be a ghost.
233
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,880
It's Anya.
Nope, nope. No, no, no.
234
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:28,920
Oh...
235
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,760
Oh, fabulous.
I've found the gap.
236
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,320
Give Mama Anya a little line,
kind sir?
237
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,000
No, Anya.
Nobody cool does coke any more.
238
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,600
Michael Gove ruined it.
239
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,840
We are on the mushroom oil.
240
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,120
How chic. Where did you get it?
241
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,280
That visual artist I dated
last year. Graham? Yes.
242
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,360
Did he ever give you that printer
back? No. But honestly,
243
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,120
he did me a favour.
Ink is so expensive.
244
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,000
OK, I think I'm ready to head
back out there, actually.
245
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,360
But thank you for
all the loud talking.
246
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,800
Erm, Eddie...I'm not teaching you
how to pour Guinness again.No.
247
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,640
We've encountered some issues
at the hotel.
248
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,720
Have the guests left the compound?
249
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,920
This is such bad timing.
250
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,080
Is that Johnny? I haven't seen him
since Maggie made us
251
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,440
join the hunt for Raoul Moat.
252
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,640
What's your rat-trapping
knowledge like?
253
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,800
Oh, Jesus Christ, no.
254
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,200
I cannot believe this!
255
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,320
God, Johnny looked fit, didn't he?
He's beautiful.
256
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,760
I would like to curl up on his lap
like a little cat.
257
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,040
SHE VOCALISES
258
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,040
Swap costumes with me.
259
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,840
No. Yes. No. Yes.
260
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,480
No.
THEY SHOUT
261
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,840
Ow! You made me walk around
this party looking like a convicted
262
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,600
tube groper, knowing you'd invited
Johnny.
263
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,440
Maggie, I'm so sorry, but there
are more pressing issues right now.
264
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,680
Hotel Ratatouille's
had a breakout.
265
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,440
Oh, really?
266
00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:00,360
Could not be worse timing.
Jay's gonna fucking kill me.
267
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,040
Oh, God.
268
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,320
He still looks like a Roman statue
269
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,800
and I haven't changed my
underwear in three days.
270
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,840
Oh, God, this costume
is so hot.
271
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,520
What did you make it out of,
roof insulation?
272
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,800
Take your tentacles off. No, I just
need the mushrooms to kick in.
273
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:20,800
Hey.
274
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:25,720
Hey.
THEY LAUGH
275
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,480
It's good to see you.
276
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,240
How have you been?
Yeah, rea... Yeah, amazing.
277
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,280
Yeah?
The writing's going really well.
278
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,560
Oh, good. That's good to hear.
279
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,080
You're not doing any more of the,
you know...
280
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,640
..nasty stuff.
281
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,360
Er...
282
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,360
No, no, that, that was the...
That was the old me.
283
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,120
Oh, good, that's get to hear.
284
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,960
You know, I think about you often.
285
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,240
Oh...
286
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,720
Johnny. Eddie!
Oh, my goodness.
287
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,120
Thank you so much for the invite.
288
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,320
You know, I remember you girls
talking about throwing this party
289
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,640
back in the day.
You remember my brother Jay, right?
290
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,480
Don't think we've met, no.
We haven't.
291
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,000
We own the bar together
292
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,920
and have done ever since
Dad passed away.
293
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,280
Couldn't bear to sell it, so I quit
uni, became landlord,
294
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:13,000
and then, in 2015, we won
Hackney Online's Bar Of The Year.
295
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,200
Wow! That's incredible.
296
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,520
Well, you know what the nightlife
industry's like. Certainly do.
297
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,480
What the fuck was that?
Truffle oil?
298
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,400
Give it some time.
We don't have time.
299
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,120
If it doesn't kick in soon,
I will fake a burst ovarian cyst
300
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,440
to get out of this fucking party.
301
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:34,880
OK, I will give you
a little bit more
302
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:38,040
if you promise to take your
upper lip sweat elsewhere.
303
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,880
Ah, ah, ah. Mm-hm.
304
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,320
RATS SQUEAK
305
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,440
It seems weird that
Balls To The Wall
306
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,880
doesn't have a Dalston branch.
307
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,200
We've actually been looking around
Hackney Wick.
308
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,720
Oh, Hackney Wick is actually the
murder capital of East London.
309
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,200
Is it? Mm-hm.
310
00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,800
There are so many yoga studios
there.
311
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,320
We have a great basement
here at Wet Mouth,
312
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,200
just sitting around empty.
313
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,200
Sorry. Er, one sec.
314
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,800
Jay, tell Johnny about the basement.
315
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,920
I mean, you've seen a basement
before, right?
316
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,280
There are rats everywhere.
Shut up!
317
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,000
OK.
318
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,320
Whatever it takes.
319
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,840
Does the music need to be this loud?
320
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,400
Elaine has thin eardrums.
321
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,640
OK, well, go tell Eddie that.
322
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,840
And it's so dark,
I can't see a thing.
323
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,200
Elaine stood on someone's foot and
she swore blind it was a rat.
324
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,320
WARPED: I said, "Elaine, it
will have been a brown loafer."
325
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,480
Her night-vision has never
been that good.
326
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,000
Sh.
327
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,400
ECHOING: Mum...
328
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,520
..everything is going to work out.
329
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,200
I can feel it.
330
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,760
Mm-hm.
331
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,240
These little guys almost
gate-crashed the party.
332
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,560
Clint.
THROTTLED SQUEAKING
333
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,600
I said trap,
334
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,000
not kill.
335
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,680
You don't understand, man.
336
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,280
You weren't there.
337
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,840
What did I miss? Well, I think it
might be a good idea for my team
338
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,800
to come in here and have a look
at your basement.
339
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,720
I can really see my balls in here.
340
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,840
Let me get a round in.
Champers all round?
341
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,720
Yeah?
342
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,800
I can't believe he thinks
this place sells champagne.
343
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,880
Could you not just be impressed?
344
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,520
Fine. You did good.
345
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,600
I... underestimated you.
346
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,080
Oh, my God, can I have that
in writing?
347
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,000
You need to help me.
348
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,920
HE HACKS AND GRUNTS
349
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,120
I can't.
350
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,880
They are just living beings
like you or I.
351
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,600
SQUEAKING
352
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,600
Oh, no, no, no...
Don't go out there.
353
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,840
MUSIC IN BACKGROUND:
Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
354
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,200
Oh, got to go.
355
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,520
My surprise is here.
356
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,360
Eddie.
357
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,280
I've had an epin...
358
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:23,880
An epiphany?
359
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,440
I think Johnny is my soulmate.
360
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,680
We got together and we were so
young, but now we're, like, older,
361
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,880
we're, like, ready for each other,
you know?
362
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,840
OK, maybe, but I did hear
that he's engaged to a hair model.
363
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,440
But love is an open door.
364
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,240
That's a song from Frozen.
365
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,200
Uh, watch Maggie for me.
366
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,080
I'm going to go get the surprise.
367
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,040
Mushrooms clearly don't work on me.
368
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,320
I can't believe nobody takes
class As any more.
369
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:53,920
I had to nick this out
of Brian's pocket
370
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,760
whilst he snogs
the arrivals board.
371
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,000
He's being so stingy with it.
372
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,920
Just, erm, to hold my hands just so
my fingers don't get stuck together.
373
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,680
Shouldn't have given you that.
374
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,240
I'm truly sorry for what's about
to happen.
375
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,240
TURNS OFF MUSIC
376
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,480
ALL SING: # Happy birthday to you
377
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:27,400
# Happy birthday to you
378
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:33,560
# Happy birthday, dear Maggie
379
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:40,000
# Happy birthday to you. #
380
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,400
ALL APPLAUD, WHOOP
381
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,640
You haven't aged.
382
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,760
Your hand's soaking wet.
383
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,160
Make a wish.
384
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,600
Oh, God, so sorry, did I burn it?
385
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,120
Just Joe, it's fine.
386
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,760
MAN: Speech! Yes.
387
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,320
OK.
388
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,600
Wow.
389
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:10,840
Wowee!
390
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,520
What a night.
391
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,640
What can I say
392
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,760
except love is an open door
393
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,480
and through that door came
all of you...
394
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,240
..my friends...
395
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:28,800
..my family...
396
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,000
..maybe even soulmates.
397
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,960
Because...
398
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,280
..we're all connected, aren't we?
399
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:47,120
We all... we all came from that
fish with a tail.
400
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,200
I think I think she had legs.
401
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:57,680
She walked out of the sea
and she made us.
402
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:05,000
Every being on this earth.
403
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,880
Me and you.
404
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,920
Even this little guy.
405
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,040
Even this rat deserves love.
406
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,680
For God's sake, Maggie,
put the rat down.
407
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:19,960
OK.
408
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,640
ALL SCREAM
409
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,880
SCREAMS INDISTINCTLY
410
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,360
ALL SCREAM
411
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,760
MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND: Christmas
Is All Around Me by Bill Nighy
412
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,960
# There's no beginning
413
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,160
# There'll be no end
414
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,640
# Cuz on Christmas
415
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,600
# You can depend... #
416
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,880
That fucking rat bit me.
417
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,800
I we'll get you a tetanus jab.
418
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,720
I've told you over and over, Eddie.
419
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,080
If it ever seemed like things
were going downhill again,
420
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,800
you were to call me.
She was just upset about the play.
421
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,600
She's not taking her lithium.
422
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,040
You know that, don't you?
423
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,720
Can we please stop talking about me
like I'm not sat right here?
424
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,360
We need to get you in with
Dr Goulding tomorrow morning,
425
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,040
and back on the medication.
426
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:19,280
No. No way. I hate it,
and I can do without it.
427
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,560
I just need some time.
428
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,160
Absolutely not.
429
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,480
Gillian, she's an adult.
430
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,520
If she wants to come
off the lithium, she can.
431
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,560
Maybe she just needs us all to,
you know, support her.
432
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,960
Eddie, you're a bartender,
not a psychiatrist.
433
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,040
Come on, Elaine, if you won't listen
to me, Maggie, I'll save my breath.
434
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,240
Jay, I'm so sorry about...
We are selling the bar.
435
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,240
It's over, Eddie.
436
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,160
No, no! Jay, wait!
437
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,520
You know my fiance, Aurora,
is actually a Reiki healer.
438
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,400
I think she could really help
you out.
439
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,240
Thought she was a hair model.
440
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,680
Yeah, she does both.
441
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,520
I'll get her to DM you.
442
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,800
Did you invite my ex-boyfriend
to my nonconsensual birthday party
443
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,440
for a business meeting?
444
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,400
Did you open the door
to the Rat Hotel?
445
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,040
Cancel each other out?
446
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,360
Yeah.
447
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,400
The rats told me I'm passed it.
448
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,840
Can you believe that?
449
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,880
You don't know me.
450
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,120
Great party, girls.
451
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,280
I've achieved stuff, you know?
SHE CONTINUES SHOUTING
452
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,560
Jay's selling the bar.
453
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,480
That's... what he thinks.
454
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,480
Why didn't you tell me?
455
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,960
Cos I'll fix it. I always fix it.
456
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,040
I fix problems, and you have them.
457
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,960
Great party, right?
458
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,400
Oh, yeah.
459
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,240
One for the Facebook album.
460
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:09,520
MUSIC: Rats by Pillow Queens
461
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:10,920
# Life of the party
462
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,200
# You're outta body
463
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:13,680
# Got hands in your heart
464
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,240
# And hearts in your hallway
465
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,080
# Fairly certain I'm important
466
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:21,320
# I've an arm and a
leg in the doorway
467
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:22,880
# What's the point?
468
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,360
# Give it up
469
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,960
# You're outta your head
470
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,640
# Now you're old enough
471
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,240
# Aching joints give you up... #
472
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,200
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