All language subtitles for Going.Dutch.S02E11.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL_track3_[eng]

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Is this towel taken?

-I was saving it for you.
-Oh.

[chuckles] You know,
we really should have taken

a holiday like this
a long time ago.

Yeah.

Well, this is the best
you've ever looked.

I gave you a little BBL.

I like my mermaids
with some whale tail.

What the hell is going on here?

I said to bag the sand,
not play in it like children.

These are
just the leftovers, okay?

We ran out of sandbags.

[Maggie] After filling up
every single one,

by the way,
which felt like overkill.

It's not overkill, okay?

There's a biblical storm
coming.

A once-in-a-lifetime storm,
supposedly.

Like a great man once said,

"One day a rain may come

and wash all the scum
from these streets."

Did you just call Travis Bickle

from Taxi Driver
a great man?

Travis was a Vietnam veteran,

and he knew the value of
firearms and physical fitness.

[thunder rumbles]

Storm's coming.
Get back to work, Papadakis.

I prefer Mermadakis.

I'm not about
to call you Mer...

Stop looking at me.

[theme music]

Hey, the NATO base in Mons
has flooded

because of the storm,

and I told General Martin
that she and her troops

can come here,
and we will put them up.

Oh, Euro hottie,
slumber party.

-Ooh!
-It's not a real slumber party.

And I don't care
if their hotties or busted.

-Thank you, Conway.
-Ooh, you got it.

What's happening?

The Colonel and I
have been doing

a generational
cultural exchange.

I taught him "busted,"
and he taught me about

something called
Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Very good, Conway. Yeah.
The troops are on their way.

I want you guys to be aware
of the fact

you're gonna have
to share quarters, okay?

And Sergeant Conway is
in charge of the accommodation,

so she will assign everybody.

Does General Martin have
any special requests?

Uh, I think General Martin
is all set.

-[laughs] Okay.
-[Patrick] Sorry, what?

I don't know
what's going on here.

Sounds like
your Canadian girlfriend's

trying to move in with you.

No! No, that's not what I said.

That's how it starts.
"Come over, I got central AC."

Next thing you know, you sign
in her name to the lease.

Yeah, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Trust me, sooner or later,

General Martin's gonna be
wearing her night guard to bed

and letting her panties dry
in the shower.

[all laugh]

That's not...

Not gonna be happening, okay?

I just hope that you're ready

to give up
your side of the bed.

My side of the bed is
the whole bed, okay?

There's no two sides.
It's my side.

-Got it.
-Interesting fact.

-Interesting?
-We believe you, sir.

I'm your superior officer.
You're not allowed to mock me.

[all laugh]

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Hi.

Hi.

Um...

You know, things have been
so busy since yesterday

when we, uh...

-Kissed?
-Kissed. Yeah.

-That kiss was amazing.
-[Maggie] It was.

It was something
out of a movie.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

-The best kiss of my life, so...
-Yeah, me, too.

But we also thought, like,
maybe you were gonna die.

-Yeah, I'm gonna die.
-So...

I guess there's only one way
to find out.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Um...

That wasn't quite...

...as good.

-'Cause I remembered it.
-Remembered it.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-It's me. It's me.
-Okay.

Okay, you know how,
like, some people find

sneaking around really,
like, sexy?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Well, you know what
I found really sexy?

-What? Okay.
-Following the rules.

And I think that's
what's happening here.

-I understand, um...
-Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

-But we wanna do this.
-But we wanna do this.

-Okay.
-Yes, we gotta do this.

-Just...
-Yeah, just, um...

-Work our way up to it.
-Work our way up to it.

[chuckles]

-[knocking on door]
-Um, come on in.

Everything is normal in here.

The door is not closed
for any reason at all.

We are good here.
How are you?

[instrumental music]

Okay, I'm not gonna say
it's a good thing

that there's a flood.

'Cause thoughts and prayers to
the tulip farmers, obviously.

But it's not a bad thing

that I'm gonna get more
FaceTime with General Martin.

Yeah.

I hope she's not thinking that
this is gonna be

some kind of a step
for the relationship.

-You know, like step forward.
-Hmm.

'Cause I'm not really...

I don't want to take a step
in any direction.

Yeah, you gotta accept
that it's a step.

-Really?
-Yeah.

'Cause our relationship is,
like, so sexy and fun.

Those are the two things
we're built on.

-And scotch a-and innuendo.
-Right.

Four things.
Those are like...

That's our foundation.

Is just, like, drinking
and messing around.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't think,
even with an act of God,

that that would change.

Have you ever considered that

maybe God wants you two
to be together?

Okay, you know
I have Catholic stuff.

That's creepy, for you
to use that against me.

[Martin] Just bring him
into my temporary office.

[sighs]
We made it.

Now, get me
out of these damp clothes

and pour me a scotch.

Hurry.

-[snorts]
-Ugh.

-See? Sexy and fun.
-Okay.

You know,
sometimes you just forget

that you're my dad.

Who's Catholic now?

[instrumental music]

Captain,
since I'm still aidless,

I was hoping
you could step into the role

while I'm on base.

[laughs] Yeah.

-Hm.
-Yes, ma'am.

Man, I am not hating this flood.

[scoffs]

But thoughts and prayers
to the tulip farmers.

Mm. I hate tulips. Captain.

I just saw
a soldier in pajamas.

I told them
pajama night was can-can...

Can never happen.

What's next?
Charades and s'mores?

-[chuckles]
-[Jan] Snack time, everyone.

Some welcoming snacks
for our lovely guest.

We got chocolate marshmallows
and Graham Crackers.

But I wasn't sure,

do you put ranch dressing
on this or not?

I can never really get

when you guys like
ranch dressing on food

and when you don't.

[instrumental music]

So I guess we proved you can
put maple syrup on anything.

-[chuckles]
-Pretty much, right?

Having a Canadian roommate
isn't so bad, is it?

-[chuckles]
-Oh.

Sorry, I thought
we were calling it.

-We can call it.
-Okay.

-Yeah, let's call it.
-Okay.

If I don't use this thing,
I gnaw through my own jaw.

Yeah, yeah, got it.

Not a problem.

I mean,
you gotta do what you...

[snores]

[snoring]

Oh, my God.

[instrumental music]

It's Saturday.
What do you want to do today?

[chuckles]

Saturdays, I, um,

I have to sharpen
my hunting knives,

and it takes a long time.

I've gotta be really
super focused,

so I have to
be kinda by myself.

But what are you gonna do?

I was gonna watch
some human cockfighting.

Okay.

You what?

Human cockfighting.

Where?

[grunts]

-[laughs]
-Oh, wow.

This is a fun Saturday.

What'd you think we were
gonna do together?

Go to IKEA?

[crowd clamoring]

-[Martin laughs]
-Oh, man!

Do we have any, like,
softer one of these weapons?

I just, I was,
I was led to believe that

that this wouldn't hurt
in any way.

And like, I-I guess
we're just missing nap time.

How did that rather zaftig
fellow get into the army?

Oh, well, Corporal Papadakis
has many extraordinary talents.

[thuds]

And hand-on-hand combat
is not one of them.

[snoring]

But at least
he's getting his nap time.

Fight!

Fifty euros
if you don't hit me.

-[grunts]
-Fine, a hundred euros.

It's so great having
real soldiers on the base.

You know what I mean?
It's just...

I haven't seen one pair
of open toed shoes.

[chuckles] But our guys
are getting pummeled.

Okay, we got ourselves
a negotiator.

Fake Louis Vuitton luggage set.

Hm? [grunts] Oh, God.

You have interesting friends.

Well, they have
unconventional skills. Yeah.

What about you?

-Are you interesting?
-Oh, I am uninteresting.

-Good.
-Yeah.

'Cause after debacle
with my last aide

smoking something called
Afghani train wreck,

I need somebody
totally by the book.

-You got it.
-Oh, wow.

By the book.

[gasps]
Oh, okay. Fine.

Real Louis Vuitton luggage set,
but that's my final offer.

So was it good for you?

[chuckles] Hey, listen,
all joking aside,

was it true what you said
about that private's mom?

Oh, he sure cried
like it was true.

[chuckles] He did.

I sure got hit
in the head a lot.

Yeah. But you always got
right back up.

I sure got hit
in the head a lot.

-Is he gonna be okay, you think?
-I don't know.

General Martin said
we can't go to the medic

unless we wanna
be diagnosed as weak.

Your dad with General Martin
equals disaster.

Okay. Lo-look,
it's only for a few more days,

so I don't know,
try to make friends tonight.

Don't have sex with them.

Or do. I don't know.
I'm not your mom.

What?

So, uh, do you guys do that

stick fighty thing every day?

No. Sundays, it's paintball.

General Martin designed
her own guns.

They are very powerful.

Looks like it.

We have got to get our hands
on those paintball guns.

I sure got hit
in the head a lot.

[men grunting]

[upbeat music]

[pen clatters]

[chuckles]

[Dana] We need to steal
those paintball guns

before tomorrow.

'Cause unless General Martin

made those paintball guns
shoot mimosas,

I am not letting that demon
ruin my Sunday too.

Because General Martin's idea
of fun is torture.

Oh. I didn't find guns, but...

I think I might have found
something else.

Great.

All I found are these
candy jawbreakers.

Papadakis,
that's this not candy.

Those are paintballs.

[groans]

[grunts]

-Hey.
-Hey.

-[Patrick] What's going on?
-Nothing.

I was just, uh, watching
a YouTube compilation

with Martin of, uh,
old people falling down.

[Shah] Hm.

And when they fall in water,
we drink, pretty drunk.

So, gonna grab some scotch.

Wait, are the old people hurt?

Uh, not the ones
who fall in the water.

You know,
as long as they can swim,

which a lot of them can't.

Anyways, I realized something.

It's pretty cool, man.
I'm liking having her around.

Yeah?

Turns out,
when you like somebody

the way I like her,
and you take that little step,

it could be a good thing.

And I came to that conclusion
on my own.

I didn't need therapy like that
family court judge said I did.

-[Shah chuckles]
-Right?

Yeah, I guess, uh...

Sometimes you got
to take a risk.

Unless you're an old person
on an escalator.

Yeah, then you just wanna
take the stairs.

-Huh.
-[Shah] Okay.

-How you doing?
-[Shah] Thanks for asking.

Yeah, actually, you know, when
you have these things swirling--

Yeah, I gotta...

-She's waiting on me.
-[Shah] Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. No, no.
Yeah, yeah.

You gotta get back
to watching old people.

-All right, pal.
-All right, see ya.

-No problem.
-Okay.

If you get bored,
you can come over.

I'm not gonna do that.

[instrumental music]

The key to disciplining soldiers
isn't the yelling.

It's the silence
between the yelling.

Huh.
'Cause I just do the opposite.

I just, like, I rant for, like,

you know, a solid block,
like six, seven minutes,

and then I throw something.

Ooh, what's your favorite thing
to throw?

-Like a chair.
-Hmm.

You know,
like Bobby Knight style.

You know, everybody,
gets their attention.

This is interesting, though,
comparing notes. I like this.

It's hard to be mean
in a vacuum.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

[knocking on door]

Who the hell is that?

[knocking on door]

Who is it? What-what...

Hey.

-Where's General Martin?
-[Martin] Who is it?

Um...

It's, uh, personal friend
seeking guidance over.

I got my girlfriend pregnant,

and she's in love
with her best friend,

and they're gonna raise
a kid together.

I'll-I'll get it, hon.

[whispering] Listen, I found
blueprints of the base

in General Martin's office.

I also ate paint.

So, what's the big deal?

Maybe-maybe she was gonna
get it framed for me,

like as a gift or something.

These are
the exact blueprints that

Gideon was tricked
into stealing.

We never found out
who was behind that.

-Hm.
-Maybe it was Martin.

There's also plans for
a remodel of the base.

[paper rustling]

Yeah, I think
I know what's going on.

Totally get what you're saying.

It's women tearing down
women time, isn't it?

Did you guys learn nothing
from that Human Resources video

I had you watch with
the animated bears?

'Cause it was all about
that kind of stuff.

Sir, your girlfriend is not
being straight with you.

She's not my girlfriend.

-She is your girlfriend.
-No, she is not.

All right, you know what?
Look at the bright side.

You know, two moms means

less responsibility for you,
Papadakis.

You know what? We'll talk
about it more tomorrow.

-Get out.
-I was making that up.

-[grunts]
-I was making that up.

[clamoring]

[knocking on door]

-[exhales] Hey.
-Hi.

Okay, wait.
Hey, hey, wait.

-We gotta talk.
-No, no.

Did a lot of talking.
No more talking.

-Okay.
-[door shuts]

[clears throat]
Hey.

What do you think?
You think we should...

remodel the DFAC?

No, I think it's fine.

Yeah, me too.

I mean, the only way a remodel
would make sense is

if you were gonna double
the number of troops.

Then you'd bash out
the back wall,

you'd switch out
the round tables

for bench seating
and expand the kitchen.

But that's just off
the top of my head.

-Right.
-How's the book?

-It's good.
-[Martin] Hm.

Just getting to the, uh,

section on Pearl Harbor.

Politics aside, you gotta
respect a surprise attack.

Yeah.

[Davidson] You've got me
in my office on a Sunday.

It better be World War III.

I think if
it was World War III, sir,

you'd already be
in your bunker.

Is General Martin
taking over my base?

What? No.
No, no, no, no, no.

The U.S. Army is giving it away.

You're just giving
bases away now?

What are you...
That's nuts.

No wonder
you've never seen combat.

When the fighting starts, I
guess you just, what, surrender?

NATO has made a massive
weapons deal with the army,

and General Martin wants
a, you know,

a training base in the region.

So since Baumholder is
a base of value,

I convinced our superiors
to throw in Stroopsdorf.

You know, like free perfume
with purchase.

You know, your whole obsession
with humiliating me

is now reaching
a really creepy fetishy area.

I'm not the one who invited
your girlfriend to move in!

That, you did on your own.

And now she is your boss.

-[sighs]
-[Davidson laughs]

Oh, see, I wanted to capture
that exact moment

so that it will pop up
on my screensaver

from time to time.

Of course,
because you need something

to replace the pictures
of all the kids

you never see anymore.

-Oh, well, look who's talking.
-You know what, sir?

I'm not gonna let you
get away with this.

Uh, too late.
The wheels are already turning.

Oh, and if you try to block it,
you will be crushed.

Oh, see, um,
your eyes were closed.

So let's try this again.

How does it feel

to be the only American

to lose a battle with Canada?

-[camera clicks]
-[laughs]

Oh, see, now,
that, that's a keeper.

You know what, sir? This should
give you fair warning.

You might want to get
that bunker ready.

I'm about to start
World War III.

[instrumental music]

-[Maggie moans]
-There it is.

Yeah, that-that's
what we were looking for.

Yeah.

And I think I know
why we found it.

-You do?
-Mm-hmm.

Because I took a job
with General Martin.

She called me and
offered me a position

as her permanent aide at NATO.

Which, you know,
comes with a move,

but also comes with
a promotion to major...

which means I'm not
in your chain of command.

-And we can do this.
-Yeah.

-[Shah exhales]
-Yeah.

Wow. I...

didn't, uh, realize
that when I, uh,

submitted my retirement
paperwork last night.

What?

[chuckles] Yeah, I...

I mean, sometimes
you gotta take a risk, right?

I mean...

I mean, this is crazy.
Isn't it funny that we like...

Gift of the Magi to each other?

That is crazy.

We're so on the same page.

[kisses]

Actually, we're not.

We're not?

Well, no. [chuckles]

Look, I-I accepted a new job,
like 30 minutes away.

-Uh-huh.
-You quit your job.

You gave up your whole career.

Twenty years of service

for a girl you haven't even
been on a date with.

Uh...

You're welcome.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Look, I've failed

at every relationship
that I've ever been in.

-Right?
-Uh-huh.

And you, well... [chuckles]

You literally
just got a divorce.

Probably should have
talked about this first.

[Shah] Yeah, we probably
should have, but... I mean,

I've been thinking about it,

and I've been thinking about us
a lot.

I actually see
a future for us, okay?

I see like, the house, the
family, wireless plan, kids.

-Kids?
-[Shah] Yeah.

Would we talk about that?

Or would you surprise me
with some?

I'm not gonna surprise you
with kids.

That's not how that works, okay?

I have to go. I do.

I, um, I'm helping
General Martin

prep her schedule.

Okay, as soon as I find my bra.

Okay, you don't need
to do this, okay?

You don't need to run away.

Don't be like the colonel,
okay?

You don't need to avoid
emotional conversations.

We can talk through this.

I am nothing like my dad.

[grunts]

Don't do this.
Don't just walk away.

Let's talk about it.

What do you wanna
talk about, huh?

How to fit my Christmas tree
up the chimney, huh?

I'm sorry you found out
this way.

I wasn't supposed to say
anything till it was official.

Oh, really? I've told you plenty
of official secrets, okay?

Like the fact that we have
a sound cannon

that makes people
projectile vomit.

And that was one of the most
romantic dates of my whole life.

Look, you have worked so hard
making this base a success.

Enjoy the spoils.

NATO taking over
can just allow you

to transfer to a better base.

You're right.

Oh my God. I didn't even
think of it that way.

You're doing me a favor.
I should be thanking you.

I'm gonna send you
some "thank you" flowers.

Where should I have
Shah send them?

Oh, yeah, right here.
'Cause you live here now!

-It's not personal, Pat.
-Oh, it's very personal.

Okay, you Trojan Horse me

with two of my favorite things.

Sex and human cockfighting.

If you wanted to move in,
you should have just asked.

I'm not your enemy,
but I could be.

God, you are already my enemy.
My God!

[sighs] You know what?
Just gonna give you a heads up.

I planted an alarm in here.
It's gonna go off very soon.

Loud enough to drive you crazy,

but faint enough that,
when you look for it,

that you won't be able
to locate where it actually is.

[alarm beeping]

Oh, yeah,
that's gonna drive me nuts.

Merry Christmas, Grinch.

[Patrick] Really? This is...
All you got is the rosé?

I mean, rosé is more
about, like, quantity.

That's why it comes in a box.

I can't believe Martin thought
she was doing me a favor.

I can't believe Shah thought
he was doing me a favor.

-Crazy.
-It is insane.

To sacrifices everything
for our future.

Like they're our saviors
or something.

-Yeah.
-It's crazy behavior.

You don't think
there's a chance

that we are
self-sabotaging Quinn style,

so that we don't get hurt?

-No.
-No. Yeah.

It's not us, honey,
it's always them.

It's them. It's them.

That's the way
they want us to think.

I'm obviously not gonna

take the job
with General Martin

after everything that I--

Have you learned nothing
from working with me?

What do you mean?

Career goes before family
every time.

So you are taking that job,
okay?

Number one, you earned it.
Number two, you deserve it.

Thanks, dad.

Plus, it can't hurt to have
a Quinn on the inside.

Find out what her
next moves are gonna be,

and then, you know, frame her
for selling military secrets.

Wait, what?

You know, see how you feel.

[dramatic music]

Company, atten-hut!

Our training exercise
is on hold.

The paintball gear
has been stolen.

Don't worry, I've been
eating the evidence.

Why didn't you just
throw it away?

The guns were in my office

and only Stroopsdorf soldiers
had access.

Maybe it's a cat burglar
situation.

[Martin] Mm. Interesting theory.

So what I'm gonna do is
keep my eyes peeled

for someone very sexy
wearing spandex.

[Jan] Well, don't look at me.

The only thing I'm guilty
of stealing is hearts.

I am in charge
of this base now,

and I order everyone
to be normal!

Yes, ma'am!

We will be normal!

[whispers] Normal.

[Dana exhales]

[children] It's going so well.